Original subtitles

Thank you.

Come on, sure, time to get a move on.

Business before pleasure.

I still don't see why we had to turn up tonight.

You're too selfish, York.

We're doing our bit for charity.

So who is this bloke, anyway?

What's Simon Bradley? He's chairman of the Board of School Governors and a city

councillor. He's a very influential man.

Well, now's not the time to get complacent.

So don't forget the Celebrity Gala Day here next Saturday.

Hester tells me her girls have come up with numerous enterprising ways to make

you part with your money.

And that's Miss Hester McCulloch, the school's headmistress.

Finally, I would like to mention...

a real gentleman who has agreed to give up his Saturday game of golf to provide

us with free security for the big day.

Ladies and gentlemen, would you please thank Mr.

Harry Cawthorne.

Ten minutes, okay? Okay.

Well, that should score you a few points for the selection committee.

Oh, Simon, a simple gesture in a good cause.

Tell him, Ken, if he wants to get into politics, he's going to have to start

blowing his own trumpet.

I'm afraid Mr Crawford is too modest for his own good.

Yes, hello, Miss McCulloch, please.

Of course, if you are really serious about all this, you ought to consider

settling down.

Settling down?

I'm settled down.

I think you need to get married, Harry.

The party frowns very heavily on confirmed bachelors.

Divorcees?

Whatever.

Well, I don't know about you, but I don't have a lot of time for

Divina Barclay introductions.

They're a bit iffy, aren't they, those agencies?

You have my personal recommendation.

It's how I met Deborah.

Really? I thought it was about time that Justina had a mother figure about the

place. Best few bob I ever spent.

Simon, can I have a word?

Hmm?

I need to ask if you had a good time.

Monica, it was brilliant.

Champagne at Leonardo's? I don't want to hear about it now, Justina. Thanks all

the same.

I really shouldn't bother trying to get back to sleep.

I'm not sure I like the idea of this, Ken.

Perhaps Simon's right, eh?

Like you do without confirmed bachelors in the Tory party.

Yeah, I know, that's just my view of it.

Yeah, but they're only a front for something else, these places, aren't

I'm sure Simon wouldn't do anything to endanger his reputation, Kenneth.

I don't know why you bother lugging that thing around.

I mean, it's pointless. Do you know how much this is worth?

For heaven's sake, Monica, it's not a bowl.

It's just another look.

This has got to stop, Hester.

Shake your fat, threatening to take his daughter out of school.

Why do you do it, Justina? It's not going to get you out of exams.

Who said it was anything to do with me? Oh, come on, you talked Perry into it,

didn't you?

Monica, he's got better things to do than get involved in schoolgirl pranks.

you say so.

Besides, he's got far more exciting plans.

Like what?

Now that would be tough.

It probably is a hoax, you know.

Local, you're both.

Well, that's not the point, Ken.

The school's livelihood depends on its reputation.

We have many wealthy foreign pupils.

Their parents worry about this sort of thing.

So you think CBS can help you, eh? We will certainly set the parents' mind at

rest. It's not going to stop the hoaxes, though, is it?

Well, at least with a 24 -hour patrol, you know you're going to be safe from

intruders. Exactly.

It just seems a bit of an overreaction.

Hester, we have to be seen doing something.

Look, I'm coming up here tomorrow anyway to make the arrangements for Saturday,

so I'll do a recce and put in a quote.

Well, I've certainly got to do something.

Right, well, I'll come and see you in the morning.

What about this?

For lunch with your father.

I'm not going to put on a pretense for some silly trout he's just picked up at

the Rotary Club.

You've got to give her a chance, Athena.

It's probably very nice.

Yes, they usually are when they're after his money.

Well, we've got a lot of very wealthy foreign girls here.

Parents can be rather paranoid.

Not helped by the hoaxes, eh?

No. And it's getting embarrassing.

I'm sure the fire chief must think I've got the hot for him. Lucky fellow.

Joking apart, one girl gets taken away, they'll all follow.

And so goes the reputation of the school, eh?

And mine.

There are certain members of the board who are just waiting for me to make a

wrong move.

They think I'm too young and inexperienced for this place.

Well, you must admit, you do look like you've just out of school yourself.

I'm old with my luck, I promise you.

But it makes it rather hard for me.

Girls!

Harry's got one of these hung up in his den.

Really?

Yeah, he sent away for it. One of those undie papers.

Cost him 50 quid.

Well, if you added three noughts, you'd be closer to the mark.

It's an original.

Shall we move on?

Tell me about this fashion show on Saturday, Justina. It sounds terrific.

Well, there isn't really that much to tell.

I thought you'd designed some of the clothes.

Yes, I have.

And I hear you've got Marie Helvin coming to model.

Now, that's a real coup.

Well, people will do anything for a Nottingham Cares T -shirt.

Well, I can't wait.

Will we be able to buy the clothes?

Well, of course, that's the whole point. It's to raise money for the charity.

I really don't think they'll be your sort of thing, to be honest, though.

Excuse me.

I had hoped you two would get on.

We will, given time.

Oh, come on.

You're not the first person to have a difficult 18 -year -old daughter, and

won't be the last.

I just need someone for tonight.

Well, that sounds like a hint, Rocky.

Oh, well, suits me.

I could do with the overtime.

If you do six till 12, then Ken can do 12 till six.

Oh, come on, love, look.

Oh, please.

I don't want to look for anyone new.

All right, then. All right.

Very smart, Harry.

Is that a new tie?

Hmm. Bill?

We're back about four, if anybody calls.

I'm going to see a client.

Anything I should know about? Just preliminaries, Ken, just preliminaries.

Ah.

I hope you brought the paperwork as instructed, Mr Crawford.

Proof of ID, evidence of decree absolute, referees.

Yes, yes.

They're all in here.

Ah. There you are. Say it.

Good. Now, naturally enough, there are a number of questions I need to ask, some

of a highly personal nature.

But we need truthful answers if we are to match you up with the appropriate

partner.

Oh.

Now point in line, anyway.

Quite.

Now the question people dread the most.

H.

Could you pass me my pliers, please?

Sorry, but we're not allowed to fraternise with the ground staff.

So when are you going to start on the fort?

Well, hopefully in the next few weeks. We've had a bit of a problem with

landslip. You'll make sure that's secure by Saturday, won't you? No problem.

Don't ever you guard in this lot.

I say, old boy, you care for an ice cream?

What can I do with a pint?

What's the matter with you?

You look all hot and bubbly.

Yeah, well, so would you. You've been up a ladder all day being old.

Come on, I'll buy you a pint. No expenses.

£700? That entitles you to as many introductions as it takes to find you

perfect partner.

Yeah, I see.

Will you take a check?

Certainly.

It's exclusivity that you're paying for, Mr. Crawford.

It could take you years to meet an eligible woman of the social caliber

can introduce you to.

In fact, I have a lady in mind who I think might suit you very well.

Everything all right?

Yeah. Yeah, everything's fine.

No one's seen her since last night.

Honestly. It's the last thing I need.

Especially when Simon's been so supportive.

Well, she's probably got to fill up with hanging about after her exam.

Well, she is 18.

Any idea where she's gone?

Her roommate seems to think there's some sort of boyfriend in Nottingham.

Look, I'd be awfully grateful if you could find her before Simon finds out.

Blimey. Likes to close your friend, doesn't he?

She's pretty obsessed with their appearance.

Tell me about her boyfriend.

I've never met him, so I can't really say.

Name? Perry.

Don't know his last name.

What's he like?

Doesn't sound my type.

But then I don't suppose I'd be his.

No. Do you know where he lives?

Sorry.

She doesn't tell you very much, considering you're roommates.

I tend to switch off when she starts babbling.

You mean you don't want to be called a sneak?

There's a local shop.

I don't recognise the label.

I didn't know private detectives really existed, except in books, or else there

were greasy little men snooping around hotels.

The big sleep?

Raymond Chandler?

Oh, you're a fan, eh?

I had you down more as an intellectual.

Attention to detail. Things that look out of the ordinary.

Isn't that the essence of private detection?

Could I have a word?

This just arrived by courier.

It's Justina.

She's been kidnapped.

Justina Bradley, daughter of Nottingham textile tycoon and Tory councillor Simon

Bradley, was snatched from exclusive boarding school St Godwald's on Thursday

night. Admistress Hester McCulloch admits security has been a problem with

school for some time.

Well, they know how to hit where it hurts, don't they?

If that article's released, the school's finished.

Look, this map they're after, I mean, isn't it common knowledge how valuable

is? It's not something we publicise.

You see, what's hard is why they hold the school to ransom.

I mean, that's Simon. He's got a few of them, hasn't he?

The real worry is Justina.

Who knows what they might do to her?

When it comes to money, some people will do anything.

So what do you think I should do?

Go along with them?

The map belongs to the trustees.

The governors wouldn't dream of letting it go.

Yeah, well, first you ought to call the police.

And her father.

Simon has to be told.

Harry's right.

Not now, Monica.

It's important, Miss McCulloch.

I thought Justina was just in a bunk, but it's more serious than that, isn't

Well, yes, it is, Monica, but we really can't discuss it with you.

Wait a minute, love.

What are you going to say?

Whatever it is, I think Justina's in on it.

Here you go.

This lot should keep you quiet for a while.

I don't even know if I like it.

For 50 grand, I like it.

Don't you think it makes you look fat?

Oh, well, perhaps I should have chopped your ear off instead.

You don't want to be worried about long hair when you're lying on the beach.

I'll see you later, Cherub.

Have you got to go?

I've still got deals to tie up.

You'll come back for lunch, though, won't you?

I'll try to, OK?

Adios.

Adios.

She kept making cryptic remarks about Perry and his exciting plans, but she

wouldn't tell me what.

So do you think she's behind the hoaxes? I bet my life on it.

What time does she leave?

Around midnight.

She woke me up to wish me good luck in my cello exam, so she must have known

wasn't coming back.

There was a car out there last night, a BMW.

Why should she do a thing like this?

I doubt whether she would have even thought about the consequences.

She's a very impetuous girl.

Well, what do you reckon?

It's all out of the open, isn't it?

Well, it explains why they're answering the school, not Simon.

And how they found out about the map.

If there's a chance that Justina is involved, I don't want to have to call

police in.

Is there any way... That we could track her down? For Simon's sake, more than

anything. Yeah.

We'll have a go. We've got some leaks.

Monica, what can you tell us now?

If I were you, I'd check all the hairdressers.

Justine is not the sort of girl to let anyone have her hair with a pair of

nails, is it?

Raymond Chandler hasn't been wasted on you, has he?

Here you go, sweetheart.

Here.

Oh, Carrie, they're gorgeous.

I'll say thank you for all your hard work.

Any chance of a coffee?

Sure.

Gerald.

It's Ashley.

About that rather special map we talked about.

Yes, I know.

Well, it's taken rather longer than I expected, that's all.

Yeah, yeah, of course. You know me better than that.

Look, I should have it ready for you tomorrow.

Look, hold on.

What flight do you get me on, sweetheart?

Why don't you meet me about 1 .30 tomorrow at East Midlands Airport?

OK. All right. Bye.

There's your ticket.

Ah, thanks. You're a doll.

And Jim Addison called.

Asked when you wanted the test done on the pool for St Godward.

Why don't you leave that to me?

I'm sorry, I can't help you, Ken.

I've got a lunch I can't get out of. Yeah, I know. Another client.

Well, yes.

In a manner of speaking.

It's all right, Harry.

It's only legwork.

You do realise it's our reputation that's at stake here as well, Ken, don't

Yes, yes, yes, Harry.

And we'll look a dozy bunch if this ever gets out.

Yeah, well, I'm more concerned with finding Justina.

Well, yes, so am I.

But if Simon ever thinks that I've handled this irresponsibly... Oh, dear,

dear, oh, dear. That would damage your political career, wouldn't it?

Theo, you did his girlfriend's hair, didn't you?

Oh, yeah.

Look, before you get in a bait, I tried to talk her out of it, but she insisted.

Said you preferred girls with short hair. Look, I'm not annoyed.

I just want to know when you did it, that's all.

Third thing this morning.

She rushed him without an appointment.

Typical. Oh, right.

I told her she could get quite a lot for that.

But she wanted to keep it.

Have you ever thought of a ball?

Kate Fowler?

Yeah.

Harry Crawford.

Hello, Harry.

Oh, yeah.

She's been in here before.

She can take the top of my ball deck any time.

What are you, an old man?

No.

He's a friend of mine.

Oh, yeah?

I should be so lucky.

Her boyfriend was in earlier.

I flogged him a couple of watches.

Do you know where he lives?

Oh, somewhere flash.

Up the park, I reckon.

We've got the right bloke who drives a BMW convertible.

He's got a BMW keyring, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's got the money to

go with it.

Bunch of con merchants in here.

Boy, what did you.

You don't want to buy a watch, do you?

Then, two years ago, he went on a business trip to Bangkok.

Brought me back a silk dressing gown and himself a 17 -year -old handmaiden.

End of story, really.

Oh, that's terrible.

We shouldn't be talking about the past.

You're quite right.

To the future.

You know, I always thought that people who went to dating agencies were a

You mustn't call it a dating agency.

It's an introduction bureau.

Sorry.

Have you ever eaten here?

No, no, no. I've been meaning to try for ages.

The food looks delicious.

Mmm, doesn't it?

Well, what about dinner, darling?

We can put it to the test.

Why not?

Aren't you even staying for lunch?

I'm sorry, but when a man wants to talk about a seven -pool contract, I jump.

Look, Cherub, I could stay with you night and day, but you'd only start

when the money ran out.

Perry, I really don't care about the money. I just want to be with you.

I'm sorry.

I bought you a present this morning.

Doesn't that show I've been thinking about you?

Harry, it's a bloody fake.

Yeah, well, of course it's a fake.

Boy, you don't want a real one, do you?

You can get those in any high street shop these days.

I know the guy.

Increments quarterly.

He was in here this morning, actually.

Cancelled his papers.

It's a very delicate matter, but I thought you'd be just the man to handle

Oh, dear.

Everything I can, you know that.

I don't know quite how to put this, but... It's Deborah.

Basically, I want her followed.

Oh, I know I might seem utterly paranoid, but... There's a lot at stake,

things have been getting quite serious between us lately.

Oh, I quite understand, Simon.

You can't be too careful these days. It's standard procedure nowadays in the

States, apparently.

Oh, not that I think that Deborah's up to anything.

But with my political career and Justina, I just wanted to make sure that

not a part -time belly dancer or anything.

Don't worry, I'll get one of my men on to it straight away.

How are you getting on, by the way?

Did Vinnie have found you anyone nice?

Um, yes.

Yes, she has, actually, yes.

Well, the evidence certainly points to her being in on it.

Well, that's something of a relief.

Doesn't mean the blackmail's any less of a threat, but at least we know she's

safe.

Do you think you can get to her?

Well, he's bound to leave her alone for some time, but I shall need Monica.

She's hardly likely to open the door to me, is she?

Oh, that's no problem.

Kent, I really appreciate this.

It's all right.

Got our reputation to think of as well, haven't we?

I'm really sorry. I'm running a bit late.

Yeah.

Well, shall I meet you there?

How about 8 .30?

Rayo, I'll see you there then.

Bye.

I've got to go out for a drink.

That guy I saw earlier, he's quibbling.

I'm sorry.

Well, can I come with you if it's only for a while? What do you think?

Harry, nobody's going to see me. I'm fed up with being cooped up.

You know the score.

Harry, is it really going to work?

Are they really going to hand it over?

How the hell do I know?

There's a good chance.

And if they don't, the papers are going to have a field day.

Can I just come with you for one quick drink?

No. Oh, please.

No!

Right, as soon as he comes out, you follow him, but keep your distance, eh?

you can't keep up, forget it.

OK, OK.

Don't panic.

Well, you two are behaving like this is Hollywood.

Shh! Then you and I move in.

OK, Mr Marlow.

It's not going to work if you want to go prancing around bloody Nottingham, is

it?

Is it?

Just remember, you're right up to your neck in this, darling.

Now, you stop behaving like a little spoilt brat and I'll bring you back some

champagne.

OK.

That much up is building the school pool.

It's all right. I've got help. It's okay.

Shh.

Well, you have got yourself in a bit of a mess, haven't you, love?

He said it was totally foolproof.

Yeah, for him.

He's fitted you up, you know that, don't you?

I don't see it.

He wasn't supposed to be the con man, isn't he?

It may have only been a little prank to you, love, but it is blackmail.

That's the theory's crime.

What are you going to do?

I haven't really got much choice.

I'm going to phone a friend of mine who's on the police force.

I'm going to explain to him what's happened, all right?

I'm not saying you'll get away with it, but damned if I'll let that Perry get

away with it scot -free.

Hello, Detective Sergeant Hatchard, please.

Okay.

Harry. Good to see you.

We won't be able to start work until

Jim's done a few more tests, I'm afraid.

But I will still need the money now, if you want those materials at a discount

price.

Well, that's fine.

I can give you the money tomorrow.

Anyway, enough shop talk.

How are you?

You know, the usual.

Well, a bit more than just the usual.

Do you want to talk about it?

I'm always boring you with my problems.

Yeah, well, you spend too much time worrying about that school of yours.

Oh,

that's what I'm here for, isn't it?

I brought you a present.

I thought you deserved pampering.

Shouldn't I have? It must have cost you a fortune.

Yeah, well, you'd better not wear it in public, or they'll think you've had your

fingers in the till.

I forgot.

I'm getting on very well with her.

So, um... Will you excuse me a bit, please?

I'm sorry.

How could he?

I thought he sounded like a toad.

Maybe they were just talking business, if he's building the school pool.

Well, then why did he lie about who he was having a drink with?

I don't know if I can face him.

Look, if we're going to have any hope of catching him, you must carry on with

him as if everything was normal.

OK?

I'm sorry.

What is it, Rocky?

I thought I'd given you a job to do. You have.

Why aren't you doing it? I am.

Harry, that woman you're with, it's her.

Who? Kate?

Deborah.

Deborah?

You're having dinner with Simon Bradley's girlfriend.

Deborah.

Deborah.

Ben, what's happened?

Sorry about this.

Detective Sergeant Hatchard.

I've had to bring him in. The implications are a lot more serious.

We'll do our best to keep things quiet for you.

Did you get Justina?

Yeah. We also followed Perry while we were at it.

Where did he go?

He went out for a drink.

With you?

I think we could propose another toast.

Oh. What to this time?

I don't know.

How about...

To Deborah and Simon.

I think that might be appropriate.

Well,

you weren't to know, were you?

No wonder he thought he could pull it off.

So, tell us about this swimming pool deal.

I'm supposed to be giving him the money tomorrow.

God, I've been such a fool.

You mean he's going to be at the gala tomorrow?

Yes. After he's picked up the map and before he flips off to Spain.

Well, surely you're not thinking of just handing it over.

If expecting to pick it up tomorrow.

But it's irreplaceable.

Apart from the building, it's the school's most valuable asset.

I don't think he should be disappointed.

Not yet.

Promise not to tell him. I don't want him hurt.

Why don't I just listen to what you've got to say and then I'll decide?

I work for Davina.

I suppose I'm what you'd call an escort.

respectable meaning of the word.

Don't worry, I'm not a tard.

Look, sometimes Davina doesn't have a suitable match on her books when she

on a new client.

But she's got to keep the client happy.

So that's where you come in, is it? The bogus introduction?

Davina pays me to go out on a few dates while she finds them a partner.

I find a way of letting them down gently and they move on to their...

Genuine introduction.

What a swizz.

I went poor old Simon here for the heave -ho.

That's the whole point.

As far as I'm concerned, he isn't.

I really like Simon, Harry.

I think... I think things could get quite serious.

Can you still carry on with this game?

I can't afford not to work.

I've got a big mortgage like anyone else and lousy alimony.

Davina pays well.

How are you going to tell him?

How are you?

I'll keep your mouth shut on two conditions.

Which are?

If you go on seeing him, you give up this lock.

And? You get my bloody money back.

Right, but you do realise it means playing along with him, eh?

Until he makes a move.

I don't know if I can.

Unless he does something to incriminate himself.

It needs to land.

We need to get some proof.

Well, I suppose it's up to me then, isn't it?

Yes.

Well, do I look as if I've been held hostage for 24 hours?

I'll be sorry to let you go, Cherub.

I was enjoying being a kidnapper.

Yeah.

We'll be together again soon, won't we? Of course we will.

Just as soon as I get my hands on that map.

I am sorry about last night.

I was nervous at last night. Yeah, well, come on.

People to see, ransoms to collect.

I want it back in one piece.

Well, I think you're doing the right thing.

It'll teach me not to mix business with pleasure again.

There.

Good luck.

Got a clue, have they?

Come on, get and move that back.

Oh, here.

Hold on.

Come on, George.

Get that nail on there.

Today.

Any news of our little surveillance operation?

Not a thing, Simon.

So far.

Good.

Good. Well, that's a bit of a relief.

Miss Heldon?

Harry Crawford.

Crawford Boone Security.

Not to meet you, Miss Heldon.

Allow me to show you to your dressing room.

They're coming along, aren't they?

That's all right. It's all of you, too.

So, on behalf of the board and the Old Girls Association, I would like to

present you with a cheque for the new swimming pool.

And, Bagsy, I get first dip.

All right, Hessa.

Don't spend it all at once.

Everything all right?

Yeah. I don't think he suspects a thing.

Well done.

You got some gel?

How's the tone?

Blimey. Bloody blimey.

As chairman, I naturally like to be involved in everything.

But on this occasion, it was not considered appropriate.

So Miss Marie Helvin has kindly agreed to step in. So if you would all... Make

your way over to the marquee, and we will start off with the St. Godwald

Gala Fashion Show.

When we're alone together at night, you say you love me, that's alright, I

understand.

Well, if I thought you were telling the truth like a rocket, my heart would hit

that roof, life would be so grand.

But the language of love is like a five -five trick, one flashy illusion, which

is over too quick that it seems second -hand.

Love the great pretender.

Love the great pretender.

The great pretender.

Love is just a great pretender.

L -O -V -E.

I've played this theme so many times.

Sweet violins and corny lines. The Hollywood remains.

Being left on the shelf is not such a fault. Preferable to be smashed on the

floor. Life's only too great.

And where did you go?

Now I'm a lot more white than don't. I just found this color of the ride. My

usual mistake.

The Great Pretender Love The Great Pretender

Love The Great Pretender

Oh,

the key's in that van.

Flows the dog.

How are we going to keep this quiet?

Hang on.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen, please.

I'm afraid there has been a slight hiccup in the proceedings.

A gentleman has been intercepted trying to get away from the gala without making

a contribution to Nottingham Cares, which, as you know, is why we're all

today.

Now, I hope that the same fate doesn't befall any of you.

Now, then, we're going to be auctioning the clothes any minute now, and I'd be

grateful for any contributions. Thank you very much.

He's a real gem, that carton of yours, Ben.

You can always rely on him. Yeah.

It's all a bloke you can trust with your wife.

He's my friend. He's my friend. He's my...

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