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Well, what kind of deal did you have in mind?
2
00:00:12,090 --> 00:00:14,595
If you kiss my thing,
3
00:00:14,595 --> 00:00:17,585
I'll let you walk out for ten bucks with it.
4
00:00:17,585 --> 00:00:18,590
What?
5
00:00:18,590 --> 00:00:22,025
You want me to suck your cock?
6
00:00:22,025 --> 00:00:23,970
Dirty my knees?
7
00:00:23,970 --> 00:00:28,045
You come all over my face and you want me to pay you ten bucks?
8
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You gotta be sick!
9
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And I ain't paying neither!
10
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You creep!
11
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I'm gonna punch you in the face!
12
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What a creep!
13
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I'm not paying either!
14
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You're taking both shoes!
15
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The jogging must have scrambled his brain!
16
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And to you, angel ones,
17
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this task has been assigned.
18
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Are you prepared?
19
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Yes!
20
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,505
Oh, yes!
21
00:01:06,505 --> 00:01:07,820
I've waited so long!
22
00:01:07,820 --> 00:01:09,515
Long?
23
00:01:09,515 --> 00:01:11,520
You waited long?
24
00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:16,255
Well, a thousand years seems like a long time,
25
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even up here.
26
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:21,600
Angel ones, you understand your assignment?
27
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Oh, yes.
28
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Sidney Purtzer, age 37.
29
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Sexual dysfunction causing severe psychological maladjustment which could lead to
30
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premature termination.
31
00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:34,835
Yes, yes.
32
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We don't need him here yet,
33
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but he's already planning the trip.
34
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It's your job to make him happy about life on his own planet.
35
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You are well equipped and qualified for this job,
36
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and if you should succeed,
37
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you will have earned your wings.
38
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And you know what that means?
39
00:01:53,220 --> 00:01:54,230
Oh, yes!
40
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I'll be a full-fledged angel with all the rights and responsibilities of such a position!
41
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,660
And one last thing, angel ones.
42
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Under no circumstances will you co-mingle.
43
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Oh, no, sir!
44
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That would change the course of human history!
45
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Go then, and good luck.
46
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I can't take this feeling,
47
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no, no.
48
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I just ain't the way to be.
49
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A million doubts, just fine.
50
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Ain't none of that for me.
51
00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,090
With a hollow feeling,
52
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I go reaching for a phone.
53
00:02:58,615 --> 00:03:01,375
Granny says, Mary, save me,
54
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is it so?
55
00:03:01,980 --> 00:03:04,780
Sometimes I got a one-track mind and
56
00:03:08,460 --> 00:03:09,040
I...
57
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And I'm feeling so alone.
58
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Some loving...
59
00:03:17,170 --> 00:03:20,250
And I'm feeling so alone.
60
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Hey!
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Oh!
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I'm feeling so alone.
63
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Why am I off-limits to all these girls?
64
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What's wrong with me?
65
00:03:37,370 --> 00:03:40,590
I take a girl out, I pick her up in a limo,
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I take her to the theater.
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Best seats, orchestra.
68
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Then I take her to dinner.
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I spend a hundred bucks.
70
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Then I take her home and I say,
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how about a good night,
72
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fuck?
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And she says, okay.
74
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Good night, fuck.
75
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Hi.
76
00:04:45,570 --> 00:04:46,670
Yeah, Jeannie?
77
00:04:46,670 --> 00:04:48,090
Yeah, this is Sidney.
78
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Yeah, Sidney, right.
79
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I was thinking maybe we could get together tonight,
80
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huh?
81
00:04:54,165 --> 00:04:57,860
Oh, it's too bad.
82
00:04:57,860 --> 00:04:59,350
I was kind of hoping on it.
83
00:04:59,350 --> 00:05:00,350
What about tomorrow night?
84
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Tomorrow night's no good either.
85
00:05:04,430 --> 00:05:06,810
Oh, and you're also getting married.
86
00:05:08,130 --> 00:05:08,250
Oh.
87
00:05:09,470 --> 00:05:10,930
Yeah, well, congratulations.
88
00:05:12,850 --> 00:05:13,330
Hello?
89
00:05:14,470 --> 00:05:14,710
Yeah.
90
00:05:16,270 --> 00:05:16,650
Bye.
91
00:06:25,180 --> 00:06:25,920
That'll do it.
92
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,900
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
93
00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:36,460
Who said that?
94
00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:38,280
Who's here?
95
00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:40,640
Who said that?
96
00:06:50,130 --> 00:06:52,090
Oh, I must be going crazy.
97
00:06:53,530 --> 00:06:54,490
That's what it is.
98
00:06:56,530 --> 00:06:57,890
I must be going crazy.
99
00:07:01,310 --> 00:07:01,980
Don't shoot.
100
00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:02,680
I'll do anything.
101
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:04,330
Oh, I'm not here to hurt you.
102
00:07:04,330 --> 00:07:05,910
I'm here to help you.
103
00:07:05,910 --> 00:07:08,305
I'm Angel Burns, your guardian angel.
104
00:07:08,305 --> 00:07:09,900
I must be dead.
105
00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:12,215
I didn't take the pills and I must be dead.
106
00:07:12,215 --> 00:07:14,695
Angel Burns, my guardian angel.
107
00:07:14,695 --> 00:07:16,045
That's right, Sid.
108
00:07:16,045 --> 00:07:17,910
We heard about your plight.
109
00:07:17,910 --> 00:07:21,770
You're the winner of this week's heavenly bliss celestial lottery.
110
00:07:21,770 --> 00:07:24,590
You've got my services for a week.
111
00:07:24,590 --> 00:07:26,460
Celestial lottery?
112
00:07:26,460 --> 00:07:29,550
Oh, look, I know who you are.
113
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:32,290
You're a private detective hired by my ex-wife.
114
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So many of our winners are frightened at first.
115
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Let me prove to you I'm real.
116
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:39,950
What?
117
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Ask me to do something.
118
00:07:42,330 --> 00:07:42,810
What?
119
00:07:44,570 --> 00:07:46,030
Let's take that organ...
120
00:07:46,030 --> 00:07:47,070
Please don't take it.
121
00:07:47,070 --> 00:07:48,980
I'm not going to hurt you.
122
00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:52,250
Now, that organ of yours hasn't seen nearly enough of...
123
00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:53,850
what do you call it down here?
124
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Pussy?
125
00:07:56,075 --> 00:07:59,040
I mean, you'd be much happier if you fucked more,
126
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right?
127
00:07:59,985 --> 00:08:01,525
How do you know that?
128
00:08:01,525 --> 00:08:04,110
Oh, we know a lot up there.
129
00:08:07,190 --> 00:08:09,415
So you know what my problem is?
130
00:08:09,415 --> 00:08:10,695
Well, mostly.
131
00:08:10,695 --> 00:08:13,510
Although we don't concern ourselves with humans very much.
132
00:08:14,710 --> 00:08:17,195
But judging from the scene this afternoon,
133
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you've got a pretty good guess.
134
00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:19,550
Oh, yeah?
135
00:08:19,550 --> 00:08:22,750
Well, just because I don't get enough pussy doesn't make you any heavenly body.
136
00:08:23,770 --> 00:08:25,745
Okay, okay, okay.
137
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Just check this out.
138
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Who the hell am I?
139
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Only a dream.
140
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Just be quiet and enjoy yourself.
141
00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:47,340
Okay.
142
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I'm coming.
143
00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:31,520
Angel?
144
00:12:33,730 --> 00:12:35,805
Angel?
145
00:12:35,805 --> 00:12:37,310
Angel?
146
00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:44,900
I must be going crazy.
147
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:47,740
It must be a dream.
148
00:12:47,740 --> 00:12:48,740
It's a dream.
149
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:56,560
Angel?
150
00:12:57,780 --> 00:12:58,960
Angel?
151
00:13:00,140 --> 00:13:02,100
I must be going nuts.
152
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Sydney!
153
00:13:13,565 --> 00:13:14,790
Sydney!
154
00:13:23,680 --> 00:13:24,200
Sydney.
155
00:13:27,890 --> 00:13:28,410
Sydney.
156
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,390
There you are.
157
00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:32,050
You know, I was reading your mind just a little while ago.
158
00:14:32,050 --> 00:14:36,130
And I realized that you were wishing that someone was sucking your cock.
159
00:14:36,130 --> 00:14:36,980
Is that right?
160
00:14:37,980 --> 00:14:39,780
Yeah, but I...
161
00:14:39,780 --> 00:14:43,590
And you've never had a really good blowjob,
162
00:14:43,590 --> 00:14:44,465
have you?
163
00:14:44,465 --> 00:14:45,260
Oh, yeah, yeah.
164
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,340
I've had a few.
165
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,060
Once with a prostitute.
166
00:14:50,060 --> 00:14:51,945
And it was over before she could say,
167
00:14:51,945 --> 00:14:52,820
don't come in my mouth.
168
00:14:54,680 --> 00:14:58,420
I'll show you what a really good blowjob is like.
169
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:01,005
You gonna give me one?
170
00:15:01,005 --> 00:15:02,135
Oh, I'm sorry.
171
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:04,320
We're not allowed to commingle with humans.
172
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:04,740
Oh.
173
00:15:06,180 --> 00:15:08,080
Now, we only have one week together,
174
00:15:08,080 --> 00:15:09,735
so let's make it good.
175
00:15:09,735 --> 00:15:11,140
Look over some notes here.
176
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:15,680
Oh, according to this,
177
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you've never had a teenager?
178
00:15:20,060 --> 00:15:23,460
Having been a virgin until you were 27?
179
00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,880
You've never fucked two women at the same time?
180
00:15:32,420 --> 00:15:35,140
And never fucked anyone in the ass?
181
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:42,680
And just for kicks, you'd like to ball a stewardess,
182
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right?
183
00:15:43,505 --> 00:15:44,460
How am I doing?
184
00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:46,980
Am I hopeless?
185
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:49,425
No, no, not at all.
186
00:15:49,425 --> 00:15:52,540
Matter of fact, how would you like to start with that little nymphette?
187
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,020
Oh, yeah.
188
00:15:57,020 --> 00:15:57,740
Oh, yeah.
189
00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:01,250
No, no, she wouldn't do anything.
190
00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:02,530
I mean, she's already got what she wants.
191
00:16:02,530 --> 00:16:03,485
She doesn't need me, no.
192
00:16:03,485 --> 00:16:04,875
Don't be a schmuck.
193
00:16:04,875 --> 00:16:06,290
I'm going to help you.
194
00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:07,920
We'll start right now.
195
00:16:14,220 --> 00:16:15,880
Damn it, I wish she wouldn't do that.
196
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:31,100
You know, I thought you were a dream.
197
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:32,860
I am.
198
00:16:32,860 --> 00:16:35,010
No one can see me but you.
199
00:16:35,010 --> 00:16:35,875
Right.
200
00:16:35,875 --> 00:16:37,115
Well, there she is.
201
00:16:37,115 --> 00:16:37,680
She's the one.
202
00:16:38,820 --> 00:16:39,920
Say hello to her.
203
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:40,880
I can't.
204
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:41,630
Don't, Ron.
205
00:16:41,630 --> 00:16:43,130
She won't bite you.
206
00:16:43,130 --> 00:16:44,300
All right, all right.
207
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:49,535
Hi, remember me?
208
00:16:49,535 --> 00:16:51,880
Yeah, sure, but only by the top of your head.
209
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:54,930
Now what?
210
00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:56,160
Just watch.
211
00:17:02,540 --> 00:17:03,860
But you know, in a way,
212
00:17:03,860 --> 00:17:04,755
you're sort of cute.
213
00:17:04,755 --> 00:17:07,425
Would you like to come inside and see my graffiti?
214
00:17:07,425 --> 00:17:08,975
Sure, sure.
215
00:17:08,975 --> 00:17:10,565
I just love graffiti.
216
00:17:10,565 --> 00:17:11,180
Come on.
217
00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:18,565
Ah, good.
218
00:17:18,565 --> 00:17:20,155
There's nobody here.
219
00:17:20,155 --> 00:17:21,040
There sure isn't.
220
00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:26,590
I lied downstairs.
221
00:17:26,590 --> 00:17:27,525
How's that?
222
00:17:27,525 --> 00:17:30,100
Do you remember what you said to me in the store yesterday?
223
00:17:31,740 --> 00:17:32,330
What?
224
00:17:32,330 --> 00:17:32,960
What was that?
225
00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:34,955
That you wanted me to kiss your thing.
226
00:17:34,955 --> 00:17:36,020
Yeah.
227
00:17:36,020 --> 00:17:38,415
Oh, you still want me to do it?
228
00:17:38,415 --> 00:17:40,590
Well, you don't have to.
229
00:17:40,590 --> 00:17:41,960
Don't be a schmuck.
230
00:17:41,960 --> 00:17:43,385
Can I see it?
231
00:17:43,385 --> 00:17:45,530
Well, if you insist.
232
00:17:45,530 --> 00:17:46,505
Insist.
233
00:17:46,505 --> 00:17:48,530
Well, let me see it, okay?
234
00:17:48,530 --> 00:17:49,100
Sure.
235
00:17:57,620 --> 00:17:59,710
Oh, that's big.
236
00:17:59,710 --> 00:18:02,260
I just hope I can fit it all in my mouth.
237
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,925
Well, it is kind of big,
238
00:18:05,925 --> 00:18:06,320
isn't it?
239
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:27,065
Tell her to hold your balls while she moves her head back and forth.
240
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:28,420
I can't do that.
241
00:18:29,500 --> 00:18:31,680
Boy, you say the weirdest things.
242
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:33,620
Go on.
243
00:18:33,620 --> 00:18:34,715
Tell her.
244
00:18:34,715 --> 00:18:36,540
Might as well get the best out of this.
245
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:43,980
Hold my balls and move your head back and forth.
246
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,020
Feels better.
247
00:18:57,020 --> 00:18:58,240
Yeah, it feels great.
248
00:19:06,460 --> 00:19:10,905
Now tell her to hold her head steady while you ram it into her face.
249
00:19:10,905 --> 00:19:12,380
I can't do that.
250
00:19:14,660 --> 00:19:15,885
Go ahead.
251
00:19:15,885 --> 00:19:16,680
She'll do it.
252
00:19:19,020 --> 00:19:22,570
Hold it steady and let me ram my cock in your face.
253
00:19:22,570 --> 00:19:24,040
Fuck me in the face.
254
00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:43,470
You like that, huh?
255
00:19:43,470 --> 00:19:44,300
Oh, yeah.
256
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:45,020
It's great.
257
00:19:53,380 --> 00:19:54,130
Okay.
258
00:19:54,130 --> 00:19:55,750
Now let me know when you're about to come.
259
00:19:55,750 --> 00:19:56,555
I'll let you know.
260
00:19:56,555 --> 00:19:56,980
I'll let you know.
261
00:20:07,150 --> 00:20:08,365
I'm about to come.
262
00:20:08,365 --> 00:20:11,470
Tell her you want to cream all over her face.
263
00:20:12,990 --> 00:20:13,390
You sure?
264
00:20:15,010 --> 00:20:15,870
Should I say this?
265
00:20:19,790 --> 00:20:22,205
Listen, I want to cream all over your face.
266
00:20:22,205 --> 00:20:23,150
Go ahead.
267
00:20:23,150 --> 00:20:24,690
Cream all over my face.
268
00:20:29,090 --> 00:20:29,490
Oh.
269
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:02,785
That was fun.
270
00:21:02,785 --> 00:21:05,685
I never thought Bill would be able to get it up again,
271
00:21:05,685 --> 00:21:06,645
but he did.
272
00:21:06,645 --> 00:21:08,205
It screwed me so hard.
273
00:21:08,205 --> 00:21:10,120
I'm still cooling my kitty.
274
00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:12,915
I don't think I'll ever be able to wear panties again.
275
00:21:12,915 --> 00:21:14,020
Can I help you, ladies?
276
00:21:14,020 --> 00:21:14,620
Yes.
277
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,760
Bill has a big cock, but then,
278
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:25,950
of course, I always say that it's not the length,
279
00:21:25,950 --> 00:21:27,510
it's the strength.
280
00:21:27,510 --> 00:21:28,995
That's for sure.
281
00:21:28,995 --> 00:21:31,825
Well, it may not be the biggest cock in the world,
282
00:21:31,825 --> 00:21:35,680
but he has the greatest tongue.
283
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,265
Well, he took me all around the world,
284
00:21:40,265 --> 00:21:42,360
and we never even left the bedroom.
285
00:21:43,360 --> 00:21:45,840
Well, Jack's cock's about a foot long.
286
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:48,410
Oh, honey, it can't be that big.
287
00:21:48,410 --> 00:21:49,105
Oh?
288
00:21:49,105 --> 00:21:52,240
I guess you must have been a nine and a half.
289
00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:53,845
I'll get it.
290
00:21:53,845 --> 00:22:00,200
You should have seen the look on his face when I told him to eat me.
291
00:22:00,200 --> 00:22:03,095
It must have been the way I said it.
292
00:22:03,095 --> 00:22:04,580
Eat my cunt.
293
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:13,360
Well, and then he almost died when I told him to eat out my asshole.
294
00:22:13,360 --> 00:22:14,080
No.
295
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:15,820
Oh, angel.
296
00:22:15,820 --> 00:22:21,430
Then when he finally did get his tongue stuck way down deep inside,
297
00:22:21,430 --> 00:22:24,540
oh, he gave me such a working over,
298
00:22:24,540 --> 00:22:28,720
honey, that I had to have an enema.
299
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:29,745
Oh, Lord.
300
00:22:29,745 --> 00:22:36,420
And then, when he finally got his prick deep down inside...
301
00:22:36,420 --> 00:22:37,935
How did it fit?
302
00:22:37,935 --> 00:22:41,080
Oh, tight, very tight.
303
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:41,600
Tight.
304
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:47,125
Oh, but it felt good.
305
00:22:47,125 --> 00:22:50,180
Well, if you don't want something too tight...
306
00:22:50,180 --> 00:22:51,140
I don't mind.
307
00:22:52,500 --> 00:22:55,865
Well, I got something bigger.
308
00:22:55,865 --> 00:22:57,480
Oh, yes, bigger.
309
00:23:17,940 --> 00:23:19,580
How do they look?
310
00:23:19,580 --> 00:23:21,350
Looks pretty good to me.
311
00:23:21,350 --> 00:23:22,120
Good.
312
00:23:23,660 --> 00:23:24,920
I'll take them.
313
00:23:27,140 --> 00:23:32,500
Will you deliver them in about an hour,
314
00:23:32,500 --> 00:23:32,900
please?
315
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:37,370
Well, if you want home delivery,
316
00:23:37,370 --> 00:23:39,200
it'll have to cost more.
317
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,795
Sidney, don't be a schmuck.
318
00:23:41,795 --> 00:23:42,880
But for you.
319
00:23:44,660 --> 00:23:48,380
Don't worry, we'll make it worth your while.
320
00:23:48,380 --> 00:23:49,580
We'll see you later.
321
00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:03,585
A bottle of champagne.
322
00:24:03,585 --> 00:24:05,060
A pound of caviar.
323
00:24:06,060 --> 00:24:07,495
That's $3.20.
324
00:24:07,495 --> 00:24:07,960
King.
325
00:24:09,020 --> 00:24:10,280
Right, the door bill.
326
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:17,875
No, this is crazy, Jenny.
327
00:24:17,875 --> 00:24:19,830
I mean, it really is.
328
00:24:19,830 --> 00:24:20,850
What's crazy?
329
00:24:20,850 --> 00:24:22,310
That guy at the shoe store.
330
00:24:22,310 --> 00:24:24,280
I mean, we must have been there like a hundred times.
331
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:26,250
And I never noticed him before.
332
00:24:26,250 --> 00:24:28,235
But I don't know what happened today.
333
00:24:28,235 --> 00:24:30,505
It's like I saw him for the first time.
334
00:24:30,505 --> 00:24:31,640
Do you suppose he'll come?
335
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:32,730
I'm sure he'll come.
336
00:24:32,730 --> 00:24:34,405
I don't see how we could have missed him.
337
00:24:34,405 --> 00:24:36,095
Of course, he's not really my type,
338
00:24:36,095 --> 00:24:36,620
but...
339
00:24:36,620 --> 00:24:38,955
For an older guy, he's really something else.
340
00:24:38,955 --> 00:24:41,345
He's all wet and creamy just thinking about him.
341
00:24:41,345 --> 00:24:43,015
Do you suppose he has a big cock?
342
00:24:43,015 --> 00:24:43,540
Mm-hmm.
343
00:24:45,700 --> 00:24:47,420
Well, we'll soon find out.
344
00:25:01,390 --> 00:25:03,005
Are you sure I'm not interrupting?
345
00:25:03,005 --> 00:25:05,010
Oh, you're not interrupting anything.
346
00:25:05,010 --> 00:25:08,810
Uh, I have the shoes I brought.
347
00:25:08,810 --> 00:25:10,110
Where should I put it?
348
00:25:10,110 --> 00:25:11,130
Oh, I'll take them.
349
00:25:12,830 --> 00:25:15,450
Hey there, how would you like me to sit on your face?
350
00:25:16,910 --> 00:25:18,910
Uh, well, I, uh...
351
00:25:18,910 --> 00:25:21,610
Well, let's see what that cock of yours looks like.
352
00:25:21,610 --> 00:25:24,155
Why don't you take your pants down?
353
00:25:24,155 --> 00:25:25,330
Well, uh...
354
00:25:25,330 --> 00:25:26,325
Sidney.
355
00:25:26,325 --> 00:25:27,430
All right, all right.
356
00:25:36,850 --> 00:25:40,205
Well, now there's a tool we can work with.
357
00:25:40,205 --> 00:25:41,970
Why don't you, uh...
22982
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