Original subtitles

You know, the beer makes me feel bloaty, and I enjoy the Spritzers.

Oh, hi.

Hi, hi.

I am Dr. Lawley. It's a pleasure to meet the both of you.

Hello, Dr. Lawley. I am Georgina Watson, and my husband is Marie.

Hi, doctor.

It's really a pleasure. For this initial consultation, I just wanted to make

sure I was clear on what you both are here for.

You want to have a baby, correct?

Oh, yes. We want to have a baby, but Maurice wants to carry it.

Doctor, you are a pioneer of in vitro fertilization.

And, you know, I am a new age man, okay? And I want to experience the whole

birthing process.

And part of that means I have the baby physically implanted inside of me

surgically. We talked about that.

Is this because you're a junior and capable of having a baby? Do you not

uterus? Oh no, my uterus works fine. Everything here works fine.

Maurice just wants to carry it, which I think is ridiculous because men don't

have wombs. They don't even have pussies. I mean, in this case...

I mean, in this case, I guess, he's half a pussy.

An embryo can be placed in his abdomen and surgically removed in nine months.

Yes, doctor, it's what I want. I want to carry a baby. I want to get in touch

with my feminine side, okay?

That's what it's all about.

Can you believe this, doctor?

I mean, this is ridiculous. He wants to walk around with a baby inside him. What

am I supposed to tell my parents?

What am I supposed to tell my friends?

I suppose you could say he had a... Oh, you're not supposed to fuck me while

you're carrying this baby.

Echotopic implanation on the abdomen wall or physical activity would be

restricted for the length of the pregnancy, which means no sex at all. No

all. Do you hear that?

No. So you went from being half a man to no man. Completely fucking useless to

me. Okay?

Like, I'm gonna have to go find someone else to fuck me now. That's what I'm

gonna have to... You know, could you try to be nice to me? You know, level with

me? I'm your husband, okay?

And this is really important for me. You know what's really important for me? I

want to get floundered by a hard cost. How are we going to make that happen?

Doctor, do you think you could go ahead and show us everything that we're not

going to be able to do while he's carrying his miracle baby to term?

She's going to be a hoe.

I'm sorry. What do you mean? No.

Doctor, let me show you what I mean. No.

No. Not this again.

No, babe.

What do you think of this, doctor?

No. Can you show me, doctor? No. She does this all the time.

No. No. Can you show me what it is that we won't be able to do? At the jacuzzi?

At the gym?

At the grocery store? What do you think, doctor? She's being a slut.

It's working for me.

You know why?

Why? Because he's a real man.

No, no.

What do you think, doctor?

I think somebody has to fill out some paperwork.

You're joining in on this?

What? Oh, look at that.

He's rock fucking hard for me. You know what? Because he's a real man. I bet he

doesn't want a baby coming out of his fucking asshole. It's not my asshole.

my abdomen.

I think it would be best if you watched it. You did say he was the best fucking

doctor in the valley.

You're not fucking the doctor.

Yeah,

I think I'm going to have to fuck him. You're just abandoning me.

Abandonment of the spouse. I could divorce you for that.

Think of the children.

The child.

You don't got a little kid yet. Yeah, there's no kids yet.

Maybe he can implant a baby in me.

I don't know.

I'm just saying.

There's always options. Maybe he could use his own seed.

Maybe he can come inside me right in front of you. I have a bunch of kids,

believe me, they work.

Oh, that's right.

Yes. Yeah, see?

See? Marriage.

Oh, yeah.

Did you fight his cop?

No. No? No.

Oh, I don't mind. Fight that fucker. Yeah.

Oh.

What happened?

I don't even know what poly means. I never told you that before.

But I think your vocabulary is ridiculous.

It's not ridiculous.

It's educated.

That's a new trendy word. Oh, God. You're so woke you're in a fucking coma.

Oh, my God.

I want a real man that'll just rough me around and not respect my equal rights.

That's what I would do to her.

Susan B. Anthony, raised from the grave, so you could vote, and that's not okay.

Like, seriously.

I want someone who's going to use me to make babies and keep me chained to the

stove. Ew, no.

Would you do that? No. That's horrible. That is horrible. But you would do it,

wouldn't you, doctor? I probably would.

I'm kind of an asshole. What?

You don't get to be the best physician in Hollywood and not be a little bit of

dick. I bet you impregnate your own patients, don't you?

He's just mad because I fantasized about Milo Yiannopoulos.

Oh, yeah.

No, no, that's not even funny.

There's more germs in a pen that you use at the bank.

That's the truth.

Look at him.

Look, doctor.

Oh, look at that cock. It's so ready for me. He can never get hard. He's on too

many hormones.

Oh, my God.

We haven't began that, actually. No, and we haven't actually started

transitioning. That's not even... That's his plan, doctor.

That's wrong. He wants to grow his own kids so he can nurse the baby. Do you

what I'm living with? Yes. Will you fuck my pity, doctor?

Just use me to come.

Just use me to come. He never uses me to come. He can't even come anymore.

I can totally come. I can come. Do you come when your prostate is pushed up?

No, actually, it's my pinky toe.

I have all the pinkie toe endings right there.

I ask her to massage my feet, but she never does it for me.

Look how happy she is.

She's choking.

She's choking.

You're not supposed to drool. You're supposed to drool.

That is so gross.

Ew.

What's so gross about it? You have spittle on your leg. I do. Yes, I do.

doctor. Yeah.

What else would we not be able to do, doctor?

Put that back on. Definitely reverse cowgirl.

Oh, little simple things like that you're not going to be able to do. Oh,

reverse cowgirl? Yeah. It's been so long. What position even is that? That's

very bad on your back.

Be careful.

You don't know where... Yes, eat my ass, doctor. Yes. Oh, God.

No. Oh, yes. No.

It's all in my asshole. No. Oh, my God. There's sweet sweat in there. Oh, God.

No. Yes. Don't believe everything you read online.

Don't. Eating an ass is fine. Okay?

Oh, yeah. Oh, God.

Yes. Okay. Yes. Oh, God.

What? Yes.

You look like you're enjoying it. Oh, yes.

Yes, good. We finally agree on something.

Oh, my God, doctor.

Yes.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Just like in porno.

Every porno position.

You know, honestly, you couldn't fuck her like that because you would damage

baby.

I'm going to show you all the positions you could not have sex in because you

would hurt.

That's not even funny!

Oh, wait, don't you touch him to me! God damn it.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

If you were to try to have sex, even masturbating yourself, getting the hand

around, you could hurt the baby.

What about like this, doctor?

Oh, like this one too, yeah.

This is immoral and unethical.

It feels so good. It's so much better than you said.

Oh my God.

As I was saying, this is so wrong.

Support me. Yes, that's how you support me. Oh, your

feminism isn't even intersectional. It's totally

intersectional. It is like braiding

intersectional. It's like that.

No, you're actually a chauvinist pig. Oh my god, I think he found you out. I

don't eat pork. I'm vegan.

I am not trying to take your identity. I'm trying to craft my own.

Let's have a more thorough discussion about this.

Okay?

Now, this is not how we discuss identity politics.

We need to have a very... I'm listening.

Well, I'm just saying that, you know, I mean, maybe we could have coffee. All of

us have coffee and discuss this as common national adults. You know? I

meet clients outside of the office. Oh, but you can fuck my wife.

Well, see, I am showing you an option. And I am showing you... This is

educational. Yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. You turn everything sexual.

I don't turn everything sexual. I turn... But I will give you this. It is

educational. We should film this, you know. Yes. Oh,

wow. That is some good technique, sir. Yes.

Oh, my God.

Yes. Yes.

Oh, my God. Yes. Yes.

Oh, my God. What about jockey? Will he be able to do jockey?

Definitely not.

What? I'm sorry. There's no way. I know.

No, no, no, no. I will show them. But I don't even like doggies. Like, I mean,

you know. Everyone likes doggies. Look at you. It's degrading. It's degrading.

Oh, how?

How? How is it degrading to have pleasure?

My body, my choice.

You have a point.

You have a point.

Oh, my God.

You read Gayle Dimes and you believe that shit.

It's not my...

Oh, you liked that movie Hot Girls Wanted. You're a fan of Rashida Jones.

Your feminism is so Rashida Jones.

Rashida Jones is someone who's speaking the truth about what's going on in porn

and the terrors that are happening to women.

Yes, it is exploiting you.

Exploited.

Exploited. Exploit me like the porn industry. Just do it. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

I know,

it's so crazy, right?

See, the gender wage gap doesn't exist.

It does.

Isn't that weird? It's so good. Here, rest your head. Oh, yes. Let me rest my

head.

Are you comfortable? Oh, my God. You are really good at that.

You know?

Very good. You know?

So how much does porn pay?

I don't know. I've never looked into it, but I think on average, one has $1 ,200

per female talent. My goodness. But I've never looked into it. It's just...

The number just came into my head. Yeah, I think I saw that on Vice or

something. Yeah, yeah.

Vice makes great documentaries, doesn't it? Yes, they do.

Vice is a terrible journal.

It is getting bad.

It's been bad for a minute. But you were really good at that, you know.

I think people might pay to see this.

Oh, yeah.

I like being supportive, and I like being supportive of her choices, but

a little bit much. This is a little much. A little much.

Let's show you a little bit more. Now, that's impolite. That's impolite.

That's impolite.

female ejaculation. Well, I agree with that. Oh, my God. I agree with that. No,

but. Yes, yes.

I'm going to shave it in my beard.

Yes. Yes, you are actually. Oh, God.

Oh, yes.

Yes. No.

Oh, I'm going to lick your asshole. Oh, God.

Bit or come on the side of you. Yes, I know.

And I'm going to take selfies with Instagram and Snapchat.

No, you should not. That is wrong.

I'm a 90s kid. I can do whatever I want. That is not, no.

You are in your mid -30s.

You couldn't be able to do this because of your baby.

I mean, but the baby's really important, okay? Like, we have to think about the

children. Oh, my God, that is actually really hot. Wow, okay. Doctor, you

know how to center a woman's pleasure.

You're not so worried about being a woman.

Excuse me. Trying to steal my identity.

Hold on a second. He's an imposter, Doctor.

Not an imposter, actually.

Doctor, can you imagine trying to protect him?

That's horrible.

He never knows when to stop talking.

It's not true. I stop talking when I know it's the right time. I stop talking

all the time.

I said, let's try anal.

And he said, let me read you my thesis.

It's true. I had a good thesis on anal sex.

I mean, come on. It's not my fault that the 18th century had some wonderful

innovations when it came to anal sex.

Oh, my God. Aren't you guys getting tired? Do you want some water?

No. No? I want to finish the completion. No more of this tantric sex that takes

my time.

A tantric sex allows you to experience the person fully and spiritually.

It's not my fault you can't get the breathing right.

You can't get the breathing right. Oh, it's my fault. You just can't find my

yoni. I am quite adept at finding your yoni.

Deactivate it like you're deactivating a bomb, I guess. Oh my god. That is not

true. Oh my god. We were, we were, we were healing waves.

Did you ever pinch or clip?

No, because that's good.

Oh, oh,

oh,

oh, oh, yes, yes.

Stop, doctor.

Oh, men don't get impregnant. We impregnate women.

That's what we're here to do. That's why we're here on Earth. That's the only

reason why we're here. Those are biological assumptions.

Oh, God.

Based upon our current concept, we just drop a scene. But we need to be the

natural. This is the natural way.

Please, please, please.

Impregnate me, Doctor. Come inside me, please.

Oh, my God. This is a devastating argument. Yes, put it inside me, please.

Oh, my God.

And the hegemonic patriarchal order. I am sorry, this musical lady did just

that. Oh, fuck, please.

Please, bring me. That is not a lie.

Oh my God.

You are sustaining stereotypes, young man.

Sustaining stereotypes.

Yes, yes, yes. Terrible.

Yeah, I want you to come in my pussy and make it yours. No, you don't want to

come in your pussy.

You want to come in it. Yeah, come in there so everyone knows whose pussy it

No, no, no.

Your pussy is autonomous.

It's only a pussy.

Yeah, come in there. Oh my God, come.

Yeah, yeah.

The family the family

That's how you really impregnate a woman

Oh my god, his cum is so hot.

Oh my god, that's how you fuck a woman. That's how you impregnate. You can't

have an impregnation fetish. It's a natural biological drive.

You're such a fucking pervert. Oh my god.

He's a real all -American man. Oh my god.

And we're going to have an all -American baby. He's going to play football.

That's a dangerous sport.

Who cares?

Oh, my God, Maurice.

We're not going to have any children.

You can't even stay hard.

I mean,

try and do it, but we can't. Listen, if you just shut up and be a good boy,

maybe I'll let you eat his cum out later.