Original subtitles

Somewhere on New York City's waterfront,

private investigator Jacob Masters

is about to take on the most bizarre murder case of his career.

A case that will test the limits of his stamina,

resourcefulness, and endurance.

Oh, you're the best.

Oh, oh, Jake, you drive me crazy.

Oh Christ, Jake, yes.

Oh, that's just right.

-Oh Jake. -What?

Come with me.

Oh, your mother would love that.

She doesn't need to know.

Oh, she found out about Cleveland, didn't she?

She likes you.

Oh, she likes me, huh?

Yeah this whole cruise is designed just to get you away from me.

Well I dig you.

Oh honey, you know what need?

You need a nice, clean hippie who will buy you drugs

and take you dancing.

Christ, don't stop.

-Maybe it's your mother. -My mother?

There's a telephone call for you.

-Your phone must be off the hook. -Oh.

- I have an-- - I got it.

Incoming call for a Mr. Jacob Masters.

That's me.

One moment please.

I'm sorry, honey.

I know there's nothing worse than coitus interruptus, huh?

I'm used to it by now.

That's why I took the phone off the hook.

You horny little bitch.

I beg your pardon.

I can't hold much longer, operator.

-Uncle Jake? -Oh, it's you.

- I'm not interrupting anything, am I? - What do you want, kid?

We got a call at the office, Uncle Jake,

from this guy named Jason Dominic.

He says you worked for him before.

Dominic. Yeah, yeah, I did some divorce for him. What does he want?

He wants you to meet a plane at La Guardia in an hour.

-What? -Northeast 184 from Miami.

Well, an hour and a half, actually.

He's offering a $5,000, Uncle Jake.

So it's on the level then, huh?

This chick at the airport has all the details.

She's a redhead named Cora Merrill.

She'll be in black with a green scarf.

All right, C. Merrill, Northeast 184, black and green,

red on top.

- OK, right kid, thanks. - So long.

Have a good time, all right? You promise?

- I will. - Get a lot of rest.

- Take care of yourself. - I will.

I will. I'm taking my vitamins and everything.

Give your mother my regards, all right?

Soon as you get back, we'll go away, all right?

Promise?

Bye.

Bye honey.

Police began an international manhunt today

for millionaire Jason Dominic, 69.

Sought for the brutal murder of 29-year-old cocktail waitress Lucille Reynolds

found dead in her Murray Hill studio apartment yesterday.

Hi, Cora. I'm Jake Masters.

What's the matter?

I'll be a witness.

I'll be a witness.

Clint Hodgkins. C-L-I-N-T.

Listen, my name's Jake Masters, and I'm a private detective.

-Clint, Clint. -No, Clint.

Will you please tell him I didn't do anything to you?

-Last name. -Hodgkins, Clint.

OK, what's your name?

-Jacob Masters. -You make a practice of attacking young girls, Jacob?

I didn't attack anybody.

It's all a mistake.

Ever been arrested before?

-Is this an arrest? -Looks that way to me, Jacob.

I bet you got a record a mile long.

Oh come on, there's an easy explanation for all of this.

To begin with, I was supposed to meet this broad

named Cora Merrill, right, at--

Hey, look at this.

"Swallow the Leader" by Lorna Lust.

Some nice pictures in here too.

You just back from Denmark, Jacob?

My reading habits happen to be my own personal affair,

officer.

Hey, this guy's a private investigator.

That figures.

This stuff is really disgusting.

Can't you get your rocks off any other way, Jacob?

Can't you?

You're in big trouble.

You know that, fella, don't you? -For what?

-What did I do? -That's enough.

I want to get a positive identification first.

Can't be too careful about these things.

Send him in.

Thank you.

You see that?

I'm going to press charges against that lunatic.

You wait. You'll hear from my lawyer.

-She's very highly stimulated. -Get her out of here.

-Now let's hear your story. -My story?

And it better be good.

Her father's with the UN.

I don't know. To begin with I was supposed to meet this girl,

Cora Merrill, flight 184, Northeast Airlines.

And I never met her before, right?

She was supposed to be wearing a black dress, green scarf,

and got red hair, right?

So I wound up meeting that lunatic.

I mean, that girl's not normal.

Normal? You think you're normal?

What the hell kind of question is that?

Take it easy.

You never given us that flight number.

We can check the passenger list.

-Would you do that? Would you check it please? -That's a good idea.

Northeast.

184 C. Merrill.

Miami, New York.

No such passenger.

Oh come on, somebody must be playing a practical joke on me.

-Who would want to do a thing like that to you, Jacob? -I don't know.

Yeah? What?

All right, send him in.

Little surprise for you, Masters.

Yeah?

-Yeah. -Uncle Jake.

-Where you been? -What happened?

-Did you get busted again? -I told you he had a record.

This is Cora Merrill, Uncle Jake.

Miss Merrill, this his Uncle Jake.

She speak English?

I missed my flight.

I phoned but your assistant said you already left,

so there wasn't too much I could do.

Yes? Oh yes, sir. Right away. Right. Goodbye.

-Here's your property, Masters. -Thanks.

What about the complainant?

Isn't she pressing charges?

That was the State Department on the phone.

Girl's a psycho.

Does it all the time.

Last week she went cuckoo bananas on a Staten Island Ferry.

Well, shall we go?

Hold it you. Nobody said you could leave.

-Sit down. -What is it, Jerry?

Something funny is going on around here.

This dick comes out here to meet a redhead

and kid shows up with a blonde who claims to be Cora Merrill.

He accepts it without even questioning it. Now why?

Why not?

She's quite acceptable.

Thank you, officer.

Cigarette?

Something's missing. It doesn't add up.

Yeah, where's my dirty book?

Let him keep it.

Maybe he can get en erection without boring some poor woman to death.

-Dirty mouth bitch. -Hey.

What about the contradiction in his story?

What about the hair?

What about that?

No hard feelings, Jerry.

I gotta change brands.

Prick!

trying to drive me crazy.

Been riding around with a spare.

What are you waving at?

Jason's boat crew.

He's hiding out there in the middle of the harbor on the.

Oh, you mean that big white mother out there?

He's very rich.

-Perfect target for extortion. -Extortion?

-What do you mean? -What I mean is--

What he means is you pin a murder rap on a guy like Jason Dominic until he feels the heat.

And then you sell him an alibi or a way out.

Yeah, like real evidence against the real killer.

Right. It's probably with a million in this case.

-Maybe more. -Ahoy!

Have you seen a great white whale?

Kid, come on, don't goof off like that.

-That's dangerous in this business. -I'm sorry, Uncle Jake.

All right, now go in the car.

Go on, put some air in the tires, huh?

I promised your mother you wouldn't do any heavy stuff, right?

-Come on. -What's so heavy about a boat ride?

Oh, let him come, For Christ's sake.

It'll be cooler out there on the boat.

Cora, I promised my sister he'd only be answering the telephones.

-Now if he sees Jason Dominic. -Shh.

Okay, all right, if he sees you know who, and he doesn't report it to the police, that's a 614 or 615.

He's liable for arrest as accessory to a felony.

Bull twat.

What'd she say?

I said bull twat.

-Now come on. -Bull twat?

What kind of word is that?

That's not even a real word, right?

You know this place pretty good, huh Cora?

I've been here before.

Hey kid, what do you think you're in?

A nudist colony?

This guy happens to be a big, important client.

Now put your shirt on. Come on, get dressed, huh?

Appearance is important.

Otherwise it looks disrespectful if you go in there unclothed.

Look at me. You ever see me without a suit, huh, do you?

-No. -Fix your hair.

Come on. It'll be cooler by the pool.

Neatness pays off.

Remember that.

Talk to me.

No more dynamite. Enough with that.

Hello, Jason.

Hiya, Mr. Dominic.

Cora. How'd your divorce-- Sit down.

-Cora. -That's my nephew Keith here.

You look tastier than ever.

I'd like to gobble you up.

Yeah, you'll take out your teeth first.

You haven't changed a bit, Cora.

-Mr. Dominic. I know. -This is a lot of woman, Masters.

She's soft on top like a baby's bottom, but she's steel inside.

-Tempered steel. -Mr. Dominic.

Look at her neck.

It pulsates to the beat of her heart.

-Her heart's on the left side, Mr. Dominic. -That's how you can tell she's excited.

Young, hot pants.

His name's Keith, Mr. Dominic.

See how the nipple hardens.

He's only a minor, Mr. Dominic.

See how the nipple swells.

-Jake. -I know, kid, I know.

See how the nipple wants to break free.

Relax, kid, it's only a nipple.

Ain't that something, hot pants?

Christ! It's enough to make you want to wear a bra.

Excuse me, Miss Merrill.

Cora, you're a ball breaker.

Mr. Dominic.

You know why I can get that at my age, Masters?

You know what it's called, hot pants?

Charm?

Power.

Power gets you what you want.

There are two kinds of people in this world, hot pants.

Those who fuck and those who get fucked.

Ah, turn blue, old man.

Cora wants to do both.

That's why she'll never be happy.

-Eat your liver. -Look at me.

-Look at me. -I'm sorry.

I am happy. You know why?

-Power? -No.

-Charm? -No you schmuck.

Because I'm not a woman, that's why.

How can anybody be happy when they're getting fucked all the time?

If you're well paid.

You're not well paid.

You ought to get married and start earning union rates.

That's your problem.

You want to be the management.

Excuse me.

Nobody wants to take orders anymore.

Mr. Dominic.

We've always got to have one boss.

In bed, in business, in politics.

Or else people don't know how to act.

Quit raving, Jason.

Tell him what you want him for.

Yeah, Mr. Dominic, you're the boss.

-What do you want? -I want you to find out who killed Lucille Reynolds.

Lucille Reynolds. I thought the police were working on that.

-They think I did it to Pete. -Did you?

-You think I'm crazy. -I didn't say that.

She had a pussy like honey and eiderdown.

Tell the police that. They'll believe you.

-Pigs like pussy too. -Oh, they think I killed her because of the movie she made.

Movie? Was she an actress, Mr. Dominic?

She was blackmailing me.

She had me by the balls.

How's the popcorn, kid?

Could use a little butter.

Well Mr. Dominic, this is tame stuff.

You could show this in your neighborhood theater.

-Why'd you pay off? -I've got government contracts.

How would this look at a House Armed Services Committee hearing?

How much she get you for?

Just cigarette money.

- It was the principle of the thing. - Yeah, how much?

-50,000. -Wow.

And according to the daily news,

the police were mailed further stats of all Jason's pay off checks,

plus a detailed memo.

That was a thoughtful gesture of someone.

Mr. Dominic, what do you call that?

Is that fucking or getting fucked?

I wasn't myself.

They got me drunk. I usually come off like a tiger.

You're lucky if you come off at all.

Gee, Mr. Dominic, weren't you kind of suspicious?

-Suspicious? -Like, I mean those chicks being so friendly and everything.

I paid them 500 apiece.

A full day's work for a full day's pay.

What's suspicious about that?

That's Connie Lanfield and Lina Wright.

Lucille's best friends.

Lucille. Where's Lucille?

Was Lucille the other one?

No, that's Olga Winter.

Lucille is working the camera.

Uh-huh.

All right, that's enough. Kill the projector, kid.

- It's not over yet. - I said turn it off.

- But Uncle Jake. - Don't "Uncle Jake" me.

You're not even supposed to be watching that stuff.

It's disgusting. What would your mother say?

You think you could recognize those girls if you saw them again?

I don't know, Mr. Dominic.

You can't really recognize anybody from a negative.

- Don't you have a print of that? - No, that's the original.

Nobody makes a print from that.

Maybe if you let me borrow it, I can blow up one of these frames.

-Oh no you don't. -What's the matter?

What's to keep you from blackmailing me?

Me. You've got to trust me.

I trusted a man in 1938.

He took me for $67.

That was a lot of money in those days.

Oh Mr. Dominic.

-Hey, give me that. -Don't worry, Mr. Dominic.

Look, I'll show you what I did.

I scratched out your face and nobody could recognize you. See?

Then we can still get those ID blow ups of the girls.

All right. But scratch out that part too.

Some people can recognize me from that better than my face.

Hey.

-I could use a bright boy like you. -For what?

Well he works for me, Mr. Dominic.

Listen kid, go over to the dark room.

I want a print of that by tonight.

-Tonight? -Yeah, tonight.

Bring it over to my place as soon as it's ready, all right?

Can I use your car?

No, here's $5.

-Take a cab. Yeah. -A cab?

Uncle Jake, where am I supposed to get a cab in Brooklyn?

On the waterfront?

You're a bright boy. You'll make out.

- You got any other leads, Mr. Dominic? - No.

The only people I know of who could have arranged that frame up

are the three girls and Lucille's old boyfriend, Larry Calk.

- Larry Caulk. - How do you spell that, Mr. Dominic?

Like it sounds.

C-A-U-L-K. Caulk.

OK. Where could I find him?

- Where is he? - I don't know.

When'd you last see him?

About six months ago.

He was hanging around Lucille too much for my tastes,

so I hired a goon to break both his arms.

After he got out of the hospital, he disappeared.

- Who leaned on him? - Leaned on him?

Oh, yeah, a guy named Gene Sprigg.

- Sprigg. Is that S-P-- - Can't you spell anything?

It's S-P-R-I-G-G. He hangs out at the Richfield Hotel.

Richfield. What is that, one word or two, Mr. Dominic?

Stop bothering me with the spelling, will you, you dumb cluck?

Well I guess that's our first stop.

Come on, Jake. I'd like to get started.

I'll see you, Mr. Dominic.

What are you looking at?

Everything always looks much cleaner and brighter from a distance, doesn't it?

Yeah, well that's how everything is.

The closer you get, the worse things look.

Jason's boat looks so pure and white.

I'll tell you, no matter where that weirdo lived, boy, it would look dirty to me.

He's sick in the head. Come on.

I don't know.

Maybe he just does what he enjoys because he enjoys it.

Then why didn't you stay for his orgy?

-Why didn't you? -Was he inviting me?

You could've stayed to try it out.

Nah, not me, boy.

I've been through all that. You name it.

Anal this, oral that.

Nah, there's nothing like straight man, woman, one on one making it.

All the rest is, what do you call it?

Horse boobs.

Glad to be off that shit.

Tomorrow morning I'll pick you up around 9:00.

And we'll go and check out this guy Sprigg, right?

Whoo.

What hotel are you staying at?

Well, since we're going to be working on the same case,

why don't I just stay at your place?

-My place? -Yes. You don't have any objections, do you?

Oh no, that's fine.

But no fucking.

Of course not.

I hope you'll excuse the place.

You know, it's probably a mess.

See, I wasn't expecting company.

Just take me a couple of minutes to straighten it up.

Make yourself comfortable.

These girlie books aren't mine, you know.

I keep telling my nephew to stop bringing them over.

Geez, this place is a mess.

See, I'm never home.

I'm always on the go.

I'm never here to give it the proper attention.

No, no, on the contrary.

The place has a lot of charm.

-Charm? What do you mean? -Nothing.

I suppose I expected something more like your car.

My car? Oh, yeah.

Why didn't you turn on the AC?

-AC? -The air conditioning.

You know, the little red button?

I'll have this place straightened up in no time,

then you can relax.

Who's the young lady?

Oh, that's a friend of my sister's.

She comes over every once in a while to clean up.

Don't worry about it. Would you like a drink?

Not right now, thanks.

This looks fairly comfortable.

Oh no, I got a king size bed in the other room.

Sleeps two with all the privacy in the world.

Never even know there was another party in the same bed with you.

Very soft mattress.

Thanks.

I'm used to something really firm in a bed.

Well, I got a mattress that vibrates.

If you have any trouble going to sleep, boy,

-puts you right under. -I'll bet it does.

You don't mind if I take a shower now, do you?

No, no, of course not.

I often take one myself right about now.

Do you really?

Where's the WC?

-WC? -Water closet.

Right. It's out in the hall.

I'm only kidding. It's in there.

-Go on. Take a left. -Thanks.

Help yourself.

How long have you known Dominic?

He hired me to straighten out his faggot grandson in Miami,

so the kid could get a security clearance.

I did so well, he put me on his payroll as an odd job girl.

You mean like that scene this afternoon?

Oh, I bet that really blew your mind, didn't it,

letting him feel me up like that?

Well I don't know quite how to take it.

I noticed your nephew got a terrific hard on.

Oh really?

End of the month, he gets a statement.

$50 a feel, a suck for 75.

500 if he stays hard, which isn't often.

It's not a bad part-time job for me.

And it gives him something to do in Miami besides going to pauper's shows.

Uh-huh.

Olga and Connie were on horse with $50 habits.

Lina dug speed and coke.

I guess they got greedy and killed Lucille for her share of the 50,000.

I almost hoped they'd get away with it.

Nobody'd miss him.

Besides, he's leaving me $200,000 in his will.

Yes?

I thought I'd take my shower now.

You're not getting ideas, are you?

Oh no, no, of course not.

It's just that you did leave the door open, you know.

I thought you wanted to talk about the case.

I do. I do.

But you're talking about sex.

It's my work. I can't get away from it.

Now I'd like to take a shower, if you don't mind.

No, no, of course not.

What are you doing after the shower?

Depends on what you had in mind.

Now listen, I never pay for sex if that's what you're hinting about.

I never hint.

I asked to stay here so that we could work more efficiently on the case,

not to become your sex object.

But that's what you thought, isn't it?

-Go on, admit it. -Well, you know.

That's what men always think.

It's called sexism.

You're a sexist, like Dominic.

Exactly like him.

Only he knows what he is. And you?

You probably think women like you because you're such a great lay.

I am a great lay. I happen to be terrific.

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

Darling, I love you.

And will you always?

As long as I go on breathing,

I'll whisper your name to my pillow.

Oh, Phillip. I love you too.

Darling, darling Julia.

Hi, Miss Merrill. Where's Uncle Jake?

Go on in and sit down.

Sit down.

Don't be silly. Come on, sit down.

Let's go away.

Far, far away from your father and this beastly, wretched house.

- God, how I hate it. - Phillip, don't swear.

You want to see the pictures?

Oh, yeah, OK.

Like some beer?

- I did the prints myself. - Very good.

See what I mean about scratching out Dominic's face and the other parts.

Phillip, please, not here.

- Someone may come. - But I love you.

- Outside. By the stables. - Yes.

It's a good job.

Wanna joint?

I mean this kind.

Oh. OK.

- God, you're beautiful. - It's only the moonlight.

-I didn't roll it too good. -It's OK.

It's the stuff inside that counts.

Right.

Phillip, you're crushing my dress.

But I want to feel your heart beating against my breast,

like a wild, captive nightingale.

Very well, then.

It's an old dress.

It's really good stuff.

Phillip.

I always knew it would be like this.

Darling, darling.

On tonight's late movie,

Norma Dean and Leslie Pratt starred in "A Love Unchained."

Tune in again tomorrow at the same time

when the late movie will be that classic horror film, "The Bride of Frankenstein."

And stay tuned now for "Midnight Meditation,"

next on New York Night Owl Channel, the spot for TV Terrific on your dial.

-Do you think I should get undressed now? -Seems appropriate.

Associate Professor of Ecumenical Interpretation

at the Burr Institute of Theology, Dr. Faust.

Friends, whatever your faith,

there is one simple imperative almost guaranteed to bring happiness in this life.

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

Truly it is more blessed to give than to receive.

You've done this before, haven't you?

And now we leave the air--

That's a silly thing to ask you.

Good night, and thanks for turning us on.

Come here, young hot pants.

Now that's my hand.

Is it in?

Can't you tell?

Oh, wow.

What was that?

No one's ever done that before.

Sh, Uncle Jake.

Shh.

Too much noise.

Miss Merrill.

Shh.

Has anybody ever done this quietly?

Miss Merrill, can I come now?

Oh.

-What do you want? -My name's Jacob Masters.

-I'm a private detective. -Big deal. I'm Burl Irons.

-What do you want? -I'm looking for a guy named Gene Sprigg.

-You got him? -Sprigg, is that spelled with two G's?

-Two G's, right. You got him? -No, we ain't got him.

How'd you know it was two G's then?

Wild guess. What's it to you?

Here. Think again.

Maybe he just moved in.

As a matter of fact, he did just move in.

-How'd you know? -Wild guess.

-What room's he in? -Room 208, stairway on the right.

-Let's go, honey. 208. -Prick.

Honey, put that away. We don't need that.

Come on now. Come on.

I'm the boss. I can handle it.

-Who's there? -Chambermaid.

Got a new mattress for you.

Come back later.

Oh please, sir, it's terribly heavy.

- Hey, who are you? - Come on.

I'm the mattress man.

We got you covered.

Hold onto his gun, honey. It may be loaded.

-Is that loaded? I knew it. -Yeah.

OK, put down your gun, honey, so we can talk to him.

Go on, sit down.

Keep your hands up.

This here is Miss Merrill.

Pleased to meet you, ma'am.

Charmed.

My name's Masters.

-How do you do? -How do you do?

What the hell have you got on your hands?

You ought to be ashamed of yourselves.

I'd like to ask you a few questions.

Eugene Sprigg?

Yeah, that's me.

-Two G's? -Right.

Say, you ain't from the fellow downstairs about the noise, are you?

Noise? What noise?

No, no noise.

You mean breaking in on you? I'm sorry we did that.

But everybody's got a gun these days.

You've got to be careful, you know what I mean?

I'm looking for a guy named Larry Caulk.

How do you spell that?

Honey, how do you spell that?

-C-A-U-L-K, Caulk. -Caulk.

Caulk.

No, don't know anybody by that name.

You broke both his arms for Jason Dominic six months ago.

I never heard of Jason Dolnac.

Dominic, Dominic.

Or the other fellow.

Must be some mix up.

I don't see how anybody could make a mistake like that.

-Say, Mr. uh? Masters. -Masters. Masters.

Could I ask a favor of you?

What kind of favor you want?

Could you stop that pacing?

Now look, fella.

What about Lucille Reynolds, huh?

No, don't know her.

She nice?

Well, it's hard to find nice girls in New York.

Why'd you do that?

Yeah honey, why'd you do that?

Three lives, three shots.

Ask him another question, Jake.

Another question. Right.

Where can I find Larry Caulk?

So I broke his arms once. Big deal.

Talk, you dumb hillbilly.

Or you can start life all over again as a girl.

Get her off me. She's sick in the head.

Cora, Cora, take it easy.

You stay out of this, Jake.

-I'm going to kill him. -What do you mean you're going to kill him?

-What you going to kill him-- -Shove off.

I don't want any witnesses.

My last name isn't Merrill. It's Caulk.

-Caulk? -Caulk?

Caulk. Larry Caulk is my husband.

You never told me you were married.

There was never any love there.

- Good, now give me the gun. - Get out, Jake.

I'm going to kill him for what he did to Larry.

-I tell you, I don't know nothing. -You bastard.

Where's my fucking husband?

Get Dominic.

He paid me for it.

It was his contract. Listen, I like Larry.

I didn't want to hurt him.

He was a nice boy. I liked him.

I only went to warn him off Lucille.

Just talk to him, that's all. Just talk.

He pulls a knife on me.

It was self defense.

Listen, I had to break his arms, or he'd have ripped my guts out.

The guy's a pro.

He's a fucking green beret, man.

He almost killed me.

- Where is he? - Where is he, huh?

Ask Olga Winter. She sees him a lot.

If you ask me, she killed Lucille to get Larry for herself.

Where's Olga Winter?

- On the street. Where else? - Where?

49th Street. 7th Avenue in the afternoon.

If you're lying, I'll be back.

Come on, Jake, let's go.

OK honey. See you.

Relax, cool it. Cool it. It's OK.

She gets excited every now and then.

She's very high strung.

Listen, don't tell Miss Merrill I gave you this.

This is just a little something to cover the expenses.

I know it won't pay for everything,

but you know, between you and me.

I'll see you, huh?

I tell you, I hope you were telling her the truth before.

She'll come back and blow your balls off.

Oh my baby. What'd they do to you?

Oh shit.

You like to explain that massacre now?

You weren't getting anywhere, and I got results.

What's to explain?

Cora, your attitude is unprofessional.

That's dangerous.

People get killed that way.

People get killed crossing the street.

Honey, now this is a rotten, dangerous, stinking profession.

You like it too much. You enjoy it.

That scares me, Cora.

I can't help it if you're a chickenshit.

Chickenshit?

Chickenshit.

Honey, I'll see you back at the apartment.

I'm going to go grab a subway and see if I can find Olga Winter.

If I don't have any luck, then we can start calling hotels for a Larry Caulk.

Sounds fascinating.

Cora, just think of poor old Mr. Dominic sitting in death row all by himself.

Not a chance.

They don't electrocute millionaires.

It's un-American.

I'll see you later, honey.

Watch out you don't get mugged, huh?

OK, big man, pay me.

Sure, honey.

Here you go.

That's just for openers.

If I like the service, I tip big.

The last tip I got was sell your AT&T.

Yeah? That's good advice, honey.

You know the phone company's going downhill.

OK slim, step up to the peter pan.

Yeah, sure.

What are you going to do?

You going to give Tinkerbell a bath?

Didn't they ever teach you cleanliness is next to godliness?

Hey. Come on, it's cold.

You're going to make it shrink.

If it shrinks any more, we in trouble.

There. That should do it.

Hey, would you take off your top, please?

Whatever you want.

- No, no, I mean your wig. - My wig?

That is a wig, isn't it?

What did you think it was?

I thought it was a wig.

What about the blouse?

On or off.

-Off. -That's what I like.

-A man who can make a decision. -Yeah.

So what'll it be, lover boy?

Around the world, whips, leather, some back door action?

Pictures?

Poppers five bucks a throw.

What'll it be?

I'd like to tie your ankles to the bedpost.

Sounds risky.

- I'll have to charge a lot. - How much?

It'll cost you another 20.

Deal.

Here you go.

You're lucky you bumped into me.

- Why? - I just happen to have some rope.

Oh, it's terrific.

You know what the Boy Scouts say.

What do the Boy Scouts say?

Always be prepared.

-Be prepared for what? -For what?

Well, fuck me, what do I know?

The Girl Scouts.

You know, I never dug this scene until I saw it in "Rosemary's Baby."

You're not the devil, are you?

You never know.

I'm feeling kind of horny.

All right, now let's see.

How do they do it in the movies? Remember?

I don't know. I didn't look at that part.

-I thought it was dirty. -Dirty?

You should have read the book?

Who has time for reading these days?

Oh honey, you gotta think of self-improvement no matter what line you're in.

Don't give me that self-improvement bullshit.

It's not bullshit honey.

You gotta think more positive, Olga.

How did you know my name?

- Where can I find Larry Caulk? - This isn't fair.

- You know who killed Lucille? - No.

You better tell me who killed Lucille, honey.

Because the same person who killed Lucille may be after you next.

-Come on. -You bastard.

Come on, you going to tell me where to find Caulk, huh?

I'm not going to stop till I get to the bottom of this.

Cora?

Cora, it's me. You know, I think I found him.

Olga Winters says--

Jake?

Are you still there?

-Don't go away. -Don't go away?

Where am I going to go?

It's my apartment, isn't it?

Slam the door in his face.

- Don't go out there. - Relax, I'll take care of it.

- Maybe he'll go away. - Oh, just get dressed.

I'll take care of it. Give me my robe. Come on.

- -go out there. You can't go. - Don't be silly. I have to go.

- Don't do it. - Oh God, just get dressed.

Hand me my robe, and I'll go out there and I'll take care of it.

He'll never let me work with him again.

Of course he will. Don't be silly.

I need a cigarette.

If you go out there, so much trouble.

Do you think I'll just stay in this room for the rest of my life?

Number one nephew is in there and, well, he worships you.

And he's terrified that you're going to be angry and not want him around anymore.

It's ridiculous.

What he needs now is reassurance from you.

You say you've located Caulk?

Yeah. Got some information from Olga Winters.

She says that Caulk is in a motel in Massapequa with Connie and Lena.

-You go out there tonight and take him with you. -I can't do that.

I promised his mother I wouldn't let him do that kind of stuff.

I'm sure his mother would understand the necessity for it now.

-OK? -All right.

Keith, your uncle has a surprise for you.

I have a surprise for him.

Hey, kid. I hear you're a terrific lay.

-I guess it runs in the family. -Yeah.

Well I'll be dressed in a minute.

You're not going anywhere.

I don't want another scene like that one with Sprigg today.

Well then I'll just stay home and watch television.

"Bride of Frankenstein" is on tonight, Miss Merrill.

Sounds right up my alley.

You're telling me.

All right.

This is your first lesson.

How do we find out what room they're in?

We wait for one of them to come out for a meal.

No, no, that takes too long.

Here, we use this.

-Want to make 50,000 bucks? Take a look at this. -Come on.

-I thought you scratched them out. -I didn't touch the emulsion side.

The old fool didn't know the difference.

You know, if your mother even suspected half of the things you do.

Hey, kid.

You work here?

You ever see one of these two before?

You mean those weirdos?

- They're here? - Yeah.

-Yeah. -Where are they?

-1121. -21. Where's that?

It's over there.

-With the light? -With the light.

Thanks, kid.

-Not a kid. -Sorry.

All right, now listen. Just be careful.

You watch what room I go in, all right?

After five minutes you come in.

No, forget it. No, call the cops.

I don't want to take a chance on you getting hurt.

Just five minutes, you understand?

Tell them anything. Tell them you heard a shot.

Just get them there, all right?

This is serious business.

-I don't fuck around, all right? -Uncle Jake.

What do you want now?

Why didn't you want Cora to come?

Cora. I don't know.

Somehow I just feel safer with her home watching TV.

-You understand? -OK.

Yeah.

Hi.

Hope I'm not interrupting anything.

I'm just up from the Gallup polls, taking a survey in our Asian policy.

Policy bullshit.

You want some action?

Gallup poll doesn't allow its samplers to sample the action.

Fuck the Gallup poll.

We need a.

-You in or out? -I'm in.

Hey, man.

I just saw this naked chick grab this guy by his schlong.

You're hallucinating, Herby.

This is really strong acid.

I'm going over there.

Stay in the room, Herby. Please.

I'm sorry that my feet are so ugly.

Oh, no.

They sound beautiful.

Let me hear.

Let's stop and shoot some horse. It's better that way.

You like it better that way, so you don't have to feel it.

Get smart like me. Snort some coke.

Yeah, things go better with coke.

Go and use the bathroom now.

But don't flush it.

Well, that'll cost you another 20.

Money, money. That's all you kids think about is money.

-Nice work. -OK.

Looks like she's close.

-You bet. -Oh.

Will somebody please get this prick out of me?

You ain't gonna believe this.

I just saw a guy get mugged in the parking lot.

It's the fourth hour, Herby.

The fourth hour.

Dig it.

Dig it.

Yeah. Dig it.

Please punish me.

I sold rice to the Viet Cong and now I'm ready to take my medicine.

Please.

Oh, please.

Please do anything you want.

Where's Dominic?

I'm from the Gallup poll.

- I don't know what this is all about. - this?

Where's he hiding out?

I don't know.

Please, come on, we'd really like to talk to him.

I wish I could help you out, kid.

Cool it, Larry.

You're just messing around. Let me.

Come on. Would you tell us where he is?

And we'll cut you in, equal shares.

Tell you so you can kill him, huh?

No.

If he's worth 50,000 for a home movie,

he's worth half a million for a murder rap.

I don't understand.

I've got a lot on my mind today.

For a half a million, we won't turn the cops onto him.

You'll help him get out of the country.

How do I know you--

you won't pocket my share and just kill me like you did Lucille?

No. We want you.

Connie and I talked it over.

You've got to be our friend.

Please?

You're the best goddamn lay we ever had.

- Really? - You're fantastic.

I couldn't believe how great you are.

Just give us the address, and we'll all be rich.

Stop protecting Dominic, man.

He killed Lucille.

Dominic didn't kill Lucille.

If he wanted revenge, he would have just had her worked over like Sprigg did to you.

He'd have to be crazy to buy himself a murderer rap.

He is crazy.

Oh, squeeze my balls.

I think I'm coming.

Oh, we're wasting our time.

Let's kill him.

What about the fucking?

-Yeah, what about the fucking? -Fuck the fucking.

Let me work him over some more.

Lena, get a pillow.

Connie, fill the water pitcher in the bathroom.

-Get up. Get up. -Huh?

Come here. Lie down.

Don't think I'm so dumb.

You know, I got a friend outside.

Yeah, don't worry about him.

I'll show you this little trick I learned in the army.

Oh yeah? I'm a veteran too, you know.

-I was a cook. -All right, put the pillow on his face.

Water.

Ready to talk?

Hey, you forgot to plug it in, schmuck.

Get the plug, Lena.

You're really a dumb asshole, Larry.

There's not enough voltage in there.

In Vietnam they used 2,000 volt army field telephone.

Yeah. That's right.

Maybe he's right about the guy outside.

Might as well check.

All right.

I'll call your bluff.

And if he moves, you blow his head off.

Larry. If his friend is out there, maybe he's watching the door.

-Yeah, so? -So go out the back one.

Oh, OK.

-I'll see you later. -OK.

Why do you hang around with a jerk like that?

Oh, my knee!

Hey, man.

I just saw this guy with a gun sneaking around in the park lot.

I'm going home.

You're in no condition to drive.

You're freaking out, man.

What if this is a revolution, and we don't even know it started yet?

We'll know.

We'll know.

Come over here.

Now repeat after me.

-Om. -Om.

Where's the hop head?

She went that way.

You're lucky you're a good fuck, or I'd blow your brains out.

If you turn yourself in, they'll go easy on you.

Spike, what are you doing?

Spike, what are you doing?

We gotta get out of here man!

All right, all right, all right! OK, take it easy.

Stay quiet. You're going to wake somebody up.

She's already asleep.

Yeah, that won't wake her up.

I'm all right, Uncle Jake I'm all right.

Keith, oh Keith! My baby, my poor baby.

What's happened to you? It's so late.

I didn't know what had happened.

It's just a little whiff of chloroform, Sarah.

Chloroform? Jake, what have you done?

I wasn't smoking pot or nothing.

No, no pot, no pot.

Oh, thank goodness your father's dead.

He doesn't have to see this.

Good thing Murray isn't alive to hear that, Sarah.

I should have gotten into another business.

Venetian blinds.

Murray always told me venetian blinds.

Shh.

I'm trying to work.

I was thinking about you tonight.

Tonight?

I was thinking I'm glad Cora's not here.

I'm glad Cora's home safe, watching TV.

Oh.

You know, I was very worried about you too, Jake.

- Worried about me? - Yes.

I heard on the news that someone was shot just after the Frankenstein movie.

How'd you enjoy the movie, honey?

Oh, it was so sad.

You know, I wanted her to marry the monster,

and to make him happy, because he didn't have anyone.

Oh, it's all right, honey.

I'm home now.

I should never let you watch those movies when I'm away.

-Hello? -Jake?

-Jake? -It's business, honey, business.

Jake, are you there?

Put the iodine away.

Oh, you're beautiful.

Is somebody there?

-Renee, where are you? -I'm in Hamilton.

But I'm leaving the cruise, and I'm flying back tomorrow.

Oh, no, no, you can't do anything like that.

Jake, I miss you.

I miss you too, but you can't do anything irrational like that.

Remember how much that ticket cost?

Jake.

No, you need that cruise to settle your nerves, lady.

-I'm all right. -You remember what Dr. Schwimmer said.

Remember how long it takes to get over a mugging?

-Remember what he said? -What are you talking about?

I've got to get up early to start working on the case, honey.

- How's the case going? - Oh, fine, fine.

I'll tell you about it when you get home, all right?

- Miss me? - Of course I miss you.

-Am I still your little girl? -You're my big girl. I gotta go now, baby.

Talk to you wh-- I love you too.

-Who was that? -Hm?

That's a friend of my sister.

She comes over, cleans up once in a while.

She's on a cruise to relax her nerves.

She got mugged last month.

She's lucky she wasn't raped.

Well honey, we all get raped somewhere along the line.

Oh, my knee!

-Uh, two eggs or one, honey? -Two please.

Two. Right.

I'm not hungry anyway.

On the domestic scene,

there were fireworks a plenty in New York last night.

A high administration official narrowly escaped assassination

when a daring midnight commando raid on the Long Island Motel where he was staying

apparently went off abhorrently.

Secretary Gregory Rank has told newsmen he was not frightened of the attempt on his life

because of his deep religious faith and of the ultimate rightness of the administration policy.

Shooting broke out shortly after.

The assailants apparently panicked and fled.

The FBI has clammed a tight security on the case,

but one bizarre clue has been released to the press.

This mutilated photograph was found at the scene.

Police theorize that it may represent members of the assassination gang

undergoing some kind of strange ritual initiation.

Boy, that Dominic must be shitting bricks, huh?

Isn't that beautiful? Look at that.

Elsewhere in New York last night,

the Vice President, in a major address, announced what he called--

Fuck him.

Think I got another lead, honey.

Remember that towel, the one that said property of the Kenmore Hotel?

Well I think somebody's staying there.

I'm going to stop over and check it out, after I stop in on Keith.

Wow, was my sister pissed off at me.

-What is this? -What's what?

I mean, everything tastes just a little bit funny.

No, no. See, you got polyunsaturated eggs there,

and Vitamin E toast, fresh lime juice, rose hip tea.

Very healthy.

Oh.

It's not because of what-- what happened last night, is it?

What happened last night? What happened last night?

Nothing happened last night.

That's what I mean.

It's just that I'm not getting any younger.

I have been under a lot of stress lately.

I enjoyed it anyway.

It'll be better next time, I promise, honey.

It's the thought that counts.

See, I don't know, honey.

You got such an understanding heart.

You're a real jewel.

Eat your eggs, honey.

Let me see that picture again.

Where's the money?

Are you sure it's all right?

You're on your own, buster.

Connie, this is no way to spend your life.

Taking junk, sleeping the day away.

How can you have any self respect if you just lay around here with your ass up?

I mean, word gets around that you just lay here all day long,

nobody's going to call you.

I don't know how many parties you get invited to,

but that phone's going to stop ringing, Connie.

Might as well take advantage of this opportunity,

as long as we both have a little free time. Huh?

Oh boy, thank God my girlfriend isn't here to hear this.

OK, make a wish.

You know, I usually don't do this kind of stuff.

But last night you said you couldn't get enough, right?

So here I am.

- I just thought of something. - I hope you take your pill.

That's all I need is a pregnant junkie on my hands.

I don't want a pothead for a kid.

Well, nobody's perfect, huh?

I'm not 18 years old anymore.

Because I'm fine with classical music.

It's much better for the pacing.

'Cause with those fast rock numbers, I have a tendency to erupt prematurely,

and I want to try to avoid that in our relationship.

Holy shit.

Halt, up against the wall!

Get her off, get her off me! She's crazy!

Where lesser men might give in to despair,

Jake holds the edge of his rapier mind and marshals the evidence to challenge the lackeys of the law.

- Hi, Jake. - Hi, Lieutenant.

What an exciting life you lead.

Yeah, well, before you guys start in with all the sarcasm,

I think you ought to pick up a dark haired beauty named Lena Right.

She's about 5' 2", 5' 3", 110 pounds.

She's got nice little tits, you know what I mean?

No I don't know. Now what for?

She was Connie's girlfriend.

She even took a shot at me when I left Connie's apartment.

She's maybe even the broad that killed Lucille Reynolds.

-You're working for Dominic, right? -Yeah, right.

He swears it's a frame up.

He wants to know who killed her too.

We'd like to talk to him.

You know where we can find him?

We communicate by carrier pigeon.

But if you let me go, I'll solve your case in 48 hours.

I'm right on the edge.

What do you know that we don't know?

Well for one thing, I'll bet you 15,000 clams

that the bullet you dig out of Connie Landfield's body

comes from the same gun that killed Larry Caulk.

-Caulk? -Caulk?

-Caulk. -Who's this guy Caulk?

He's the guy that talked Lucille into blackmailing Dominic.

He's also the unidentified corpse out in Massapequa.

You know, the one that your colleagues found last night.

-Check that out. What else? -Right.

I think you should also pick up Olga Winter.

She's a cute little black hooker from Seventh Avenue with a blonde wig and big knockers.

She was in on the deal.

She's either the murderer or the next victim.

If you get the motive, you've got the killer.

That's why Dominic's innocent.

He's got no logical motive.

Who says murder has to be logical?

One more thing. Forty-eight hours, Jake,

- and no more. - Forty-eight hours.

- I won't ask for another-- Yeah, sure. - OK?

-And one other thing. -What's that?

-The medical examiner asked me to mention this to you. -Yeah? What's up?

The first rule you learn in the police academy

is don't fuck them if they stop breathing.

Yeah. Yeah, right.

In the words of the FBI founder and chief, J. Edgar Hoover,

time is ultimately on the side of justice.

Yet Jake is aware as he leaves the police station

that ultimately we are all dead.

-Hiya, Jake. -Hi.

-Regular? -Yeah.

-Make it a double. -Sure thing.

What is that, the Frankenstein movie again?

They showed that last night too, right?

It was listed,

but they bumped it at the last minute for a special on teenage gonorrhea.

-Is that right? -Syphilis too. It's a disgrace.

No, I mean about the Frankenstein movie.

Yeah it's listed in today's TV section.

Uh-huh.

Hello?

Yeah, give me Lieutenant Fowler. Jake Masters.

Honey, I'm back.

- Sorry I'm late. - Hi.

I missed you. What kept you?

Oh, the cops. The cops.

They seem to think I killed Connie Landfield.

She's dead?

Yeah, as dead as Lucille and Larry.

What'd you do today?

I went shopping.

Bought some new things.

What'd you buy?

What's in there?

I'll go and change, but no peaking now.

-I'll be right out. -I won't peak. Promise.

You look beautiful.

Remember now, no peaking.

I'm not peaking.

Are we getting anything?

What?

I said are we getting anything?

I can't hear a thing, Lieutenant.

Well we heard him slam the door. They got to be in there.

This equipment really stinks.

Doesn't that make you into some sort of a sex object?

It's all right in bed, silly.

You getting anything now?

Nothing but a buzzing sound.

-Have you checked the batteries? -Yes, sir.

You got real muscles there.

I do my vaginal exercises every day.

What do you do them with?

The silencer on my gun.

It's the perfect size.

Loaded?

Full clip with the safety off.

You frighten me, honey.

I like to frighten people.

It turns me on.

Hey, wait a minute. You got the wrong wall.

It's this wall.

See, that's what's wrong with you guys.

You don't use your heads.

It's why you're still in uniform.

You feel like watching TV, honey?

Haven't got the strength to turn it on.

Well, I could go for a good monster movie now.

You know, like the one you saw the other night?

The one that made you cry?

What was that called?

"Son of Wolf Man" or something?

"Bride of Frankenstein."

It couldn't have been that one, honey.

They rescheduled that one.

Must have been some other one, huh?

There was some horror movie on.

I wonder which one it was.

Maybe it was the "Monster from Massapequa."

You ever see that one? It's a real panic.

It's about a--

It's about a blonde bombshell that used to be a redhead from Miami like yourself.

She winds up killing an ex-GI named Larry Caulk.

-I do believe you're serious. -I am, honey.

You killed Lucille, of course.

-Oh, that's ridiculous. -Yeah?

-I was in Miami. -Mm-hmm.

You're all over the fucking place, honey.

Yeah, that airport stunt had me fooled for a long time.

Kept thinking, she must be in Miami when Lucille was killed.

Then I remembered that I never saw you get off the plane, honey.

The airline had no record of your ticket.

I checked.

Well, you're not stupid enough to think I'd be using my own name, are you?

Honey?

Honey, would you mind very much if the police ran a ballistics test?

You know, on your gun with the bullets that came out of Connie and Larry?

You wouldn't mind, would you?

All right.

So I killed them, and Olga too.

Olga? Little Olga?

She was a nice kid.

Oh, they would have died sooner or later from an overdose anyway.

I mean, who cares?

Who cares?

What do you mean who cares? What about their parents?

-Doesn't anything work around here anymore. -Huh?

What are you looking for, honey?

You looking for big Bertha? Huh?

It's all down here in black and white, honey.

You killed Lucille in order to set up Mr. Dominic for extortion.

Then after Mr. Dominic panicked and decided it was the three girls and Larry that was setting him up,

that's when he hired you to find him.

-And that's exactly when you started using me to track them down, right? -Stop that pacing.

I'm not pacing, honey, I'm stalking.

And after I tracked them down, you bumped them all off, huh?

But you forgot the most important thing.

What's that? Maybe I got it here.

Dominic is giving me a million to get them.

Oh, Jake.

Jake.

Think where we could go with a million.

Just you and me.

A million dollars, huh?

Just me and you?

Until I turn my back, huh?

Then it's just you.

You know, honey?

I used to think you and me could go places.

Not anymore.

I mean, when you kill your own species,

that's the most despicable thing you can do.

Bye, Jake.

You like it better when it's loaded? Huh?

You murderer!

-You don't think I meant it, Jake? -Oh no, of course not.

-I wouldn't do it to you. -Don't touch me.

-I love you! -You don't love anybody.

You don't even know what the word means.

The only thing you love is money.

I realized that today.

Should have realized it a long time ago,

first time I saw the way Dominic used you.

Found a gun, huh?

-What is that, Sprigg's gun huh, I bet? -All right, Jake.

Put down your milk and move. That way.

You thought I was crying on the floor like some weak broad, huh?

-Oh no, honey. -Oh yes.

But you're the weak one.

-Down on your knees. Down, Jake, down. -I got a bad knee, remember?

OK, don't get excited.

-Take off my panties. -Sure, honey.

You're going to kiss me now, Jake.

And you better make this good, because the minute I get bored,

I'm going to blow your brains out.

There's cops all around, honey.

Oh come on, Jake, you can do better than that.

I'm on the level, honest.

Get on with it.

And you better enjoy this.

This is going to be a real mind blower.

If you guys are going to break in, you better do it now.

-Bang on the walls or something. -Get on with it.

-You bastard! -The jig is up!

Well Masters, it looks like I saved your life.

Don't you guys ever knock?

Hiya, kid.

Mind if I sit down?

Since when did you take up booze?

What'd you do, give up pot, huh?

You know, one thing Cora said to me before she died,

she said if anything happens to me, Jake, tell Keith.

Oh, fuck, what's the difference?

She didn't say anything at all. She's just dead.

She didn't give a shit about either of us.

Used to think you were so great.

You knew everything.

You don't know a fucking thing about anything.

Yeah, you're probably right.

I know I'm right.

Oh hi, Renee.

Honey!

Hey! Are you there?

-Oh, my knee. -Honey, what happened?

Oh, I hurt my knee.

Oh, honey, how you been?

-OK, you're not mad at me? -Mad at you? For what?

-For coming back. -For coming back? I love you, kiddo.

You really mean it?

Of course I mean it.

Honest.

-What happened to your door? -My door?

What about my door? Oh, my door.

That's a long story. I'll tell you another time.

What'd you do? Sheets.

I got clean sheets.

Well, the others were so cruddy.

Oh, I know. Don't I know.

I missed you so much.

You missed me?

Oh, honey, please don't ever go away again.

I promise.

You forgot to take it off the hook, huh?

I'm sorry.

Fuck the phone.

Jake? Why don't you take your hat off?

For you, kid,

I'll take off my hat. Huh?

Well let's see. Where was I?