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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,280 Please hang up and try your call again. 2 00:00:33,040 --> 00:00:35,440 Are you the owner of this establishment? 3 00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:37,560 Do I look like I run a bookshop? 4 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:47,080 Aziraphale! 5 00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:49,600 Aziraphale, where the Heaven are you, you idiot? 6 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:51,640 I can't find you! 7 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,480 Aziraphale, for God's... 8 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:55,800 For Satan's... Ah! 9 00:00:55,880 --> 00:00:58,120 For somebody's sake, where are you?! 10 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:09,160 You've gone. 11 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:12,440 Somebody killed my best friend! 12 00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,640 Bastards! 13 00:01:15,840 --> 00:01:18,200 All of you! 14 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,840 It's a bad world, but we can fix it. 15 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,600 And it doesn't matter that you three aren't my friends anymore. 16 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,000 I've got better friends than you'll ever be. 17 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:44,880 My new friends will be together soon. 18 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:48,040 They're coming here, and then we make everything better. 19 00:03:17,640 --> 00:03:19,280 Crowley had lost Aziraphale, 20 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,320 and the world was ending in a few hours. 21 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,760 He was in Hell's bad books. 22 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,080 Not that Hell has any other kind. 23 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,760 I shouldn't litter, should I? 24 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:45,280 I mean, I probably should litter. 25 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:46,760 I'm a demon, after all. 26 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:49,040 But nobody's really keeping score anymore. 27 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,680 Mr Shadwell? 28 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,160 Oh, what on earth happened? 29 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,200 What would you say if I told you 30 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,600 that this hand had just exorcised a demon 31 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,760 clean off the surface of the earth? 32 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,440 I'd say somebody needs to come inside 33 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,480 and have a nice cup of tea. 34 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:58,080 But young Newt, he's still out there. 35 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:03,360 In thrall to heathen ways and lubricious occult wiles. 36 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:05,000 There could be women there. 37 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,760 Oh, well... 38 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,240 now you can't be in here, 39 00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:13,360 because Mrs Ormorod and such will be arriving any minute. 40 00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:17,000 Why don't you come in here and have a nice lie down. 41 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:23,080 You're no use to young Newt in this state. 42 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,040 Aye. 43 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:27,360 I'll have a bit of a lie down. 44 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:46,280 Nobody's ever done what I've done. 45 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:49,400 Not Hopkins, not Siftings, 46 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,040 not Dalrymple. 47 00:05:52,040 --> 00:05:53,960 I'm the ultimate weapon. 48 00:05:54,880 --> 00:05:56,960 I'm the doomsday option. 49 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,120 What kind of a place is this? 50 00:06:21,920 --> 00:06:23,400 You! You're late. 51 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,240 Yes. Um... 52 00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,120 Actually, I... 53 00:06:31,200 --> 00:06:34,640 I... I didn't mean to be here... 54 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,400 um, yet. 55 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:41,400 Still sorting things out... on Earth. 56 00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:42,736 Aziraphale, isn't it? 57 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:45,560 Principality, Angel of the Eastern Gate. 58 00:06:45,640 --> 00:06:48,000 Your whole platoon is waiting for you. 59 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:50,320 Aziraphale. 60 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:52,880 Aziraphale... Why is that name so familiar? 61 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:55,600 Hang on. 62 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:56,840 Aziraphale. 63 00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:58,280 You were issued with... 64 00:06:58,360 --> 00:07:00,920 A flaming sword, I know. It's not my fault. 65 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,360 She was having a very bad day. 66 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:07,040 You were issued with a body. Where is it? 67 00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,920 I'm afraid I hadn't actually prepared 68 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,480 to step into the transportation portal, you see. 69 00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,840 And the body... discorporated. 70 00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:22,600 Discorporated? 71 00:07:22,680 --> 00:07:25,880 It was 6,000 years old. 72 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,640 I count them all out, 73 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:30,040 and I count them all in again. 74 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,720 And then you turn up, 75 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,160 late for Armageddon, 76 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:34,640 no flaming sword, 77 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:38,760 not even a body, you pathetic excuse for an angel! 78 00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:42,120 Well, I suppose I am, really. 79 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:44,560 I mean... 80 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:48,640 I have no intention of fighting in any war. 81 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,360 Don't be a coward! 82 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:53,720 You get into position right now, 83 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:55,000 and I won't say anything more 84 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:56,880 about the body you discorporated. 85 00:07:56,960 --> 00:07:59,640 We can take the sword out of your celestial wages. 86 00:07:59,720 --> 00:08:02,440 I was in the middle of something important. 87 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:04,280 I demand to be returned. 88 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,280 Without a body? 89 00:08:06,360 --> 00:08:08,200 That's ridiculous. 90 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:12,080 - It is? - Obviously. 91 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:13,856 What are you going to do? You can't possess them. 92 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,960 Demons can. 93 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:18,600 You're not a demon. You're an angel. 94 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:22,440 What are you...? 95 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:24,480 Where are you going? 96 00:08:27,520 --> 00:08:31,320 How does one navigate? 97 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:34,560 - Oh, well. - Get away from that thing! 98 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:36,960 I'll figure it out... 99 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,160 as I go. 100 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,000 What are you lot looking at?! 101 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:50,200 Don't you know there's a war on?! 102 00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:51,640 My friends are on their way, 103 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,440 and then there'll be a world just for us. 104 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,360 We'll get rid of everything stupid and start all over again. 105 00:08:56,440 --> 00:08:58,000 Won't that be awesome? 106 00:08:58,640 --> 00:09:00,480 Say something. 107 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,080 You have to say something. 108 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:05,440 I'm telling you to say something! 109 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:07,480 Stop it. Stop crying. This is fun. 110 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:11,720 We're having fun. This is the best day of all. 111 00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:14,520 You have to smile! I can make it happen! 112 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:16,880 Smile! Smile! 113 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:28,840 That was... 114 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:31,880 I mean... 115 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,080 that was... 116 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:36,120 You know I've never actually... 117 00:09:37,080 --> 00:09:38,600 That was my first time. 118 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:41,640 I'd never have known. 119 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:45,880 Well, seeing as the world's ending, 120 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,440 can we do it again? 121 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:49,600 We don't have time. 122 00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:52,000 And Agnes only said we did it once. 123 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,000 She never. 124 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,600 She bloody... She can't have predicted that. 125 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,880 "You go, boy. May fortune be with you. 126 00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,000 Anathema, my descendant, 127 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:10,240 I trust he will be fine of feature 128 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:11,640 and mighty of..." 129 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,840 - Oh, my dear Lord. - Get dressed. 130 00:10:17,280 --> 00:10:19,600 So, we find this Adam, and then we... 131 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:22,720 - stop him? - Mmm... 132 00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:24,600 I'm not sure anymore. 133 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,520 Agnes doesn't tell us to. 134 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:32,880 Because if there's a card with instructions, I don't know which one it is. 135 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,160 What do you mean, "Agnes doesn't tell us to"? 136 00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,960 Don't you ever just do things for yourself? 137 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,760 See how they turn out? 138 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,480 No, not important things. 139 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:44,000 And we have maybe an hour or so to go 140 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:45,760 until there's nothing anybody can do. 141 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:48,200 I'm not going to waste a second of it, so come on. 142 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:51,520 You can't let a 400-year-old witch tell you what to do. 143 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:54,736 I've spent my whole life trying to figure out 144 00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,640 what Agnes wanted me to do. 145 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:58,880 And she's never failed me. 146 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,480 Sometimes I fail her. 147 00:11:01,560 --> 00:11:03,680 Same again. 148 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,760 I never asked to be a demon. 149 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:17,880 I was just minding my own business one day 150 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,320 and then... oh, lookie here, 151 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,600 it's Lucifer and the guys. 152 00:11:22,680 --> 00:11:26,160 Oh, hey, the food hadn't been that good lately. 153 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:28,336 I didn't have anything on for the rest of that afternoon. 154 00:11:28,360 --> 00:11:32,400 Next thing, I'm doing a million-light-year 155 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:36,320 freestyle dive into a pool of boiling sulphur. 156 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,040 Aziraphale? 157 00:11:43,120 --> 00:11:44,640 - Are you here? - Good question. 158 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:48,680 Not certain. Never done this before. 159 00:11:48,760 --> 00:11:51,080 - Can you hear me? - Of course I can hear you. 160 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:54,200 Afraid I've rather made a mess of things. 161 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,800 Did you go to Alpha Centauri? 162 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,920 Nah, I changed my mind. 163 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,560 Stuff happened. 164 00:12:00,640 --> 00:12:02,240 I lost my best friend. 165 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:07,040 I'm so sorry to hear it. 166 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,600 Listen, back in my bookshop 167 00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:10,760 there's a book I need you to get. 168 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:14,600 Oh, look, your bookshop isn't there anymore. 169 00:12:14,680 --> 00:12:18,560 - Oh? - I'm really sorry. It burned down. 170 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:23,160 All of it? 171 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,760 Yeah. What... what was the book? 172 00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:31,000 The one the young lady with the bicycle left behind. 173 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:33,880 - The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of... - Agnes Nutter! 174 00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,720 - Yes, I took it! - You have it? 175 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,800 - Look, souvenir! - Look inside. I made notes. 176 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:42,000 It's all in there. The boy's name, address. 177 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,400 Everything else. I worked it all out. 178 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,176 Look, wherever you are, I'll come to you. Where are you? 179 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,480 I-I-I'm not really anywhere yet. 180 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,440 - I've been discorporated. - Oh. 181 00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:53,160 You need to get to Tadfield Air Base. 182 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,960 Why? 183 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,920 World ending. That's where it's all going to happen. 184 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,720 Quite soon now. I'll head there too. 185 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,880 I just need to find a receptive body. 186 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,520 - Harder than you'd think. - I'm not going to go there. 187 00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,680 I do need a body. 188 00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,120 Pity I can't inhabit yours. 189 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:10,800 - Ooh. - Angel, demon... 190 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:12,280 - probably explode. - Blehh... 191 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:13,920 So I'll meet you at Tadfield. 192 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:15,656 But we're both gonna have to get a bit of a wiggle-on. 193 00:13:15,680 --> 00:13:18,520 - What? - Tadfield Air Base. 194 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,400 I heard that. It was the "wiggle-on". 195 00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:29,440 Enter all seekers after wisdom. 196 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:33,200 Only if you are prepared to part the veil 197 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:36,840 and receive wisdom from those who have gone before. 198 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:40,720 We are here to receive your wisdom, Madame Tracy. 199 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,640 Oh! 200 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:44,800 Very good weather for a séance. 201 00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:46,760 Did you have them do it special, the weather, 202 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:49,760 - with your psychicness? - No, dear. 203 00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:55,800 They're waiting for us. 204 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,000 Our Ron and the spirits, they're waiting. 205 00:13:58,080 --> 00:13:59,560 And we are looking forward 206 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:03,120 to hearing what they are going to say to us, 207 00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,120 after we've made our donations. 208 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:10,720 Aziraphale had to find a host to inhabit. 209 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:14,480 And the Four Horsemen needed to come together for their final ride. 210 00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:21,320 Purpose of your visit to the U.K.? 211 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,520 I ride to where the end of the world begins. 212 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:26,000 Sounds like fun. 213 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,520 Four cups of tea, please. One of them black. 214 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:41,240 And a cheese sandwich. 215 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,320 You take a seat and I'll bring it over for you. 216 00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:44,840 Four of you, are there? 217 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,160 There will be. 218 00:14:46,240 --> 00:14:47,800 I'm waiting for friends. 219 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,240 You're better off waiting in here. 220 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,360 It's hell out there. 221 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:54,160 No. Not yet. 222 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,240 War. 223 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,360 It's been a long time. 224 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,120 Famine. 225 00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:16,720 Feels funny, all of us getting together like this. 226 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:17,840 Funny? 227 00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:19,240 Hmm. 228 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:20,880 We've spent all these thousands of years 229 00:15:20,920 --> 00:15:24,120 waiting for the big day, and finally it comes. 230 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:25,616 We'll have a thunderstorm to ride in. 231 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,680 Any idea how far we've got to ride? 232 00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:31,600 - A hundred miles. - I would have thought it'd be farther, somehow. 233 00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,800 It's not the travelling, it's the arriving that matters. 234 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:36,160 Any sign of him yet? 235 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:56,720 When did you get here? 236 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:00,640 I never went away. 237 00:16:02,520 --> 00:16:04,120 Your tea is getting cold, Lord. 238 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:05,880 It's been a long time. 239 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:07,880 But now we ride. 240 00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,400 Yes. Now we ride. 241 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,400 - Ooh. Pfft. - She's going under. 242 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:19,840 Nothing to be alarmed about. 243 00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:22,720 She's just making herself a bridge to the other side. 244 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,360 Her spirit guide will be along soon. 245 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,440 Are you there, my spirit guide? 246 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:31,520 Ah, begorrah... 247 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:34,200 'tis me. 248 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:37,000 Little Colleen O'Leary. 249 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:41,840 Colleen died in Dublin in 1746 when she was nine years old. 250 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,976 But she was very psychic. 251 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:45,680 Colleen. Hello, dear. 252 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:47,240 Is my Ron with you? 253 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:49,920 - I've got so much to tell him. - Ooh! 254 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,200 Ah, Colleen wants to know 255 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:56,960 if there's anyone named Mr Scroggie here? 256 00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:58,880 Actually, that's my name. 257 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,200 Yes. Well, Colleen wants to know 258 00:17:01,280 --> 00:17:06,040 if you've ever known anyone named... 259 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:09,000 - John. - No. 260 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:12,440 - Or it could be Jim. - No. 261 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:13,880 - Tom? - No. 262 00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:15,800 - Steve? - No. 263 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,800 - Dave? - I knew a Dave from Hemel Hempstead. 264 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,720 Yes! So, you see, that's what he's saying. 265 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,296 He's saying Hemel Hempstead. He wants you to know 266 00:17:22,320 --> 00:17:25,800 that he's doing very well beyond the veil. 267 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,320 I saw him walking his dog the other day and he looked perfectly healthy. 268 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:31,880 People go very suddenly. Like my mum. 269 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:36,080 Your mum can bloody well wait her turn, Julia Petley. 270 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:38,560 I've been coming here for seven years. I do have seniority. 271 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:39,800 Now, you tell my Ron... 272 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:42,800 Ooh! 273 00:17:44,320 --> 00:17:46,320 - Is it our Ron? - No, it's something real. 274 00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:03,880 Sprechen sie Deutsch? 275 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,880 - Is that you, Ron? - Ron? 276 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:11,000 Not Ron. Definitely not. 277 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:13,080 Well, I want to speak to Ron Ormorod. 278 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,520 He's rather short, balding on top. 279 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:17,680 Can you put me through, please? 280 00:18:17,760 --> 00:18:21,320 Ah, well, there does appear to be a spirit 281 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,720 matching that description 282 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,440 trying to attract our attention. 283 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:25,920 Very well. 284 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:28,400 I will hand you over, but you must be very quick. 285 00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:31,280 I am attempting to avert the Apocalypse. 286 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:32,800 Right. 287 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,800 Hello, Brenda. 288 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:49,080 Ron? 289 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:51,200 What... 290 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:53,400 You sound like... 291 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:54,720 you. 292 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,800 I am me, Brenda. 293 00:18:56,920 --> 00:19:00,720 It's c-cold here. 294 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,160 Right, so I went to our Krystal's wedding last weekend. 295 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:05,760 That's our Tracy's eldest. 296 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:07,760 And they start serving Korean food. 297 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:11,240 Well, I can take a joke as well as the next woman. 298 00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:12,880 - Brenda! - I'm getting to the good bit. 299 00:19:12,920 --> 00:19:16,760 So, I hold up the kimchi and I say, 300 00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,456 "What you expect me to do with this, then?" 301 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,800 Whereupon, without even 302 00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:22,040 the grace to look ashamed... 303 00:19:22,080 --> 00:19:25,160 - Brenda! - Yes, Ron? 304 00:19:25,240 --> 00:19:28,960 Y-Y-You never g-gave me a chance 305 00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:32,920 to get a word in edgeways when we were married. 306 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,280 And now I'm dead. 307 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:38,760 Oh! There's only one thing I want to tell you. 308 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,440 You've never spoken to me like this before. 309 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:45,040 Ron, remember your heart condition. 310 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,080 I don't have a heart anymore! 311 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,680 - And Brenda? - Yes, Ron? 312 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,440 Shut up! 313 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,080 Wasn't that touching? 314 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,640 Right, well, uh, lovely to meet you all. 315 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,920 Out. 316 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,400 Show's over. 317 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,000 World to save. Can't lollygag. 318 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,896 Well, that's very good value. Very entertaining. 319 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:37,320 Glad you enjoyed it. 320 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,960 Crowley is currently stuck in a traffic jam 321 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:09,560 as he tries to get out of London to find Adam. 322 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,320 And it's official. 323 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,200 This is the biggest traffic jam in England's history. 324 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,320 Why? 325 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:16,960 What you did to the M25 326 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:19,480 was a stroke of demonic genius, darling. 327 00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:22,280 Oh, no, no, no, no, no. 328 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,760 The traffic jam is being caused by problems on the M25, 329 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:27,320 the freeway that circles London. 330 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:30,480 Crowley had a lot to do with the design of the M25 331 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:32,320 back in the 1970s. 332 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:36,560 So, thanks to three computer hacks, 333 00:21:36,680 --> 00:21:38,520 selected bribery, 334 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:40,800 and me moving some markers across a field one night, 335 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:43,400 the M25 London orbital motorway, 336 00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:45,760 which was supposed to look like this, 337 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:49,720 will, when it opens in 1986, 338 00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,440 actually look like this, 339 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,080 and represent the dread sigil Odegra 340 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:57,760 in the language of the dark Priesthood of Ancient Mu. 341 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:01,640 "Odegra" means, "Hail the great beast, devourer of worlds." 342 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:03,840 Can I hear a "wahoo"? 343 00:22:08,160 --> 00:22:10,720 Once it's built, the millions of motorists 344 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:12,320 who grumble their way around it 345 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:14,880 are going to be like water on a prayer wheel, 346 00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:19,480 grinding out an endless fog of low-grade evil 347 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,920 that will encircle the whole of London. 348 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:24,280 Yes, Duke Hastur? 349 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:26,240 What's a computer? 350 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:54,760 So, what exactly do you propose we do about this? 351 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:56,440 Given the circumstances, 352 00:22:56,520 --> 00:23:00,920 we're both going to have to be extremely flexible. 353 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,000 Get your hands off her, you... 354 00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:06,320 - Where is he? - Who? 355 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:07,520 Some southern pansy. 356 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,600 I heard him, making lewd suggestions. 357 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:14,400 Not just "a" southern pansy, Sergeant. 358 00:23:14,480 --> 00:23:16,560 "The" southern pansy. 359 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:19,760 Demon! 360 00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:21,120 You know what this is? 361 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:23,000 Four fingers, one thumb. 362 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:26,480 Now, you get out of this good woman's head 363 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,560 before I blast you to kingdom come. 364 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:31,040 That's the trouble, Mr Shadwell. 365 00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:32,320 Kingdom come. 366 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,120 It's going to. 367 00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:38,240 Mr Aziraphale has just been explaining it. 368 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,080 You come and have a nice cup of tea, 369 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:42,920 and listen to him. 370 00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,760 As Adam came into his power, 371 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:50,040 the world welcomed him in ways not even Crowley had expected. 372 00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:54,240 I can't hold it in. 373 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:56,920 Well, what if the traffic starts moving again? 374 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:58,800 It's the M25. 375 00:23:58,880 --> 00:24:01,176 You can't just get out and have a widdle in the middle of the road. 376 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:02,760 I can, and I will. 377 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:05,720 Hail the Great Beast. 378 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,240 What'd you say, Horace? 379 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:10,320 Hail the Great Beast, 380 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:11,720 devourer of worlds. 381 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:16,960 Hail the Great Beast, devourer of worlds. 382 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:19,200 Hail the Great Beast, 383 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:21,640 devourer of worlds. 384 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:23,960 Hail the Great Beast 385 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:25,400 devourer of worlds... 386 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:28,760 The M25 had become, unexpectedly, 387 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,520 a burning magical ring of fire that surrounded London. 388 00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,920 Nobody was getting in or out. 389 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:38,520 Crowley had made it, now Crowley was trapped inside it. 390 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:46,320 Right. The M25 is now an impassable burning ring of infernal fire, 391 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,000 and that's my fault. 392 00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:50,640 Come on, Tadfield. Tadfield. Tadfield. 393 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:59,880 Motorists are being advised to avoid the M25 London orbital motorway 394 00:24:59,960 --> 00:25:03,160 because, in the words of a Transportation Department spokesman, 395 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:05,680 "It's on fire or something." 396 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,760 What does that even mean? 397 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,040 I know where the Antichrist is. 398 00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:15,600 I know where the Antichrist is. I know where the Antichrist is. 399 00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:20,840 - Mr Biggs... - Yes? 400 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:22,560 I'm calling about a car accident 401 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,280 that was not your fault that you were involved in. 402 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:28,760 Bugger. 403 00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:34,416 - Hello? - Mrs Blore? 404 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:35,640 Wha' is it? 405 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:36,960 I'm calling about a car accident 406 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:38,400 that you were recently involved in. 407 00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:41,160 You are eligible for compensation. 408 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:45,240 Oh, for Heaven's sake. 409 00:25:57,120 --> 00:25:58,880 Yes? 410 00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:01,440 Hello, Mr Cowwley. 411 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,640 We're calling about an accident you had. 412 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:07,760 It, eh, wasn't an accident, Lisa. And this isn't Crowley. 413 00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:10,360 Um, h-how do you know my name? 414 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:12,600 I know lots of things, Lisa. 415 00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:15,200 I should be grateful to you for setting me free, shouldn't I? 416 00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,480 I mean, I should thank you personally 417 00:26:17,560 --> 00:26:19,480 and meet your friends. 418 00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,040 Uh... 419 00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:22,640 I'm hanging up the phone now. 420 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:24,040 Too late. 421 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:44,360 I needed that. 422 00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:48,480 Right. 423 00:26:48,560 --> 00:26:50,000 So there really is an Antichrist? 424 00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:51,456 The Antichrist is alive 425 00:26:51,480 --> 00:26:54,080 and on the Earth at this moment, Sergeant. 426 00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,640 He is bringing about Armageddon. 427 00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:58,040 I'm sure you can see 428 00:26:58,120 --> 00:26:59,920 that the imminent destruction of the world 429 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,720 is not something that any reasonable person would permit. 430 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,440 - No. - Am I correct? 431 00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:06,000 - Aye. - The Antichrist... 432 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:08,840 must be killed, Sergeant Shadwell. 433 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:13,280 And you... are the man to do it. 434 00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:16,760 Well, I don't know about that. 435 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,080 Um, the Witchfinder Army, we just kill witches. 436 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,080 I'm sure you've killed lots of those. 437 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:24,160 Well, early days. 438 00:27:24,240 --> 00:27:28,520 This Antichrist of yours, how many nipples does he have? 439 00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:32,240 Oh... uh... oodles of them. 440 00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:33,880 Pots of nipples. 441 00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:35,760 Nipples everywhere. Ha-ha-ha! 442 00:27:35,840 --> 00:27:38,200 Then I'm your man. 443 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:41,520 Now, Sergeant, what weapons do you have? 444 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,440 Oh. Here. 445 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:45,960 Yes, anything more substantial? 446 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,360 Um, I've got pins... 447 00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:51,840 and the Thunder Gun of Witchfinder Colonel Dalrymple. 448 00:27:51,920 --> 00:27:55,200 - It'll fire anything. Silver bullets. - That's werewolves. 449 00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:56,720 - Ehh... Garlic? - Vampires. 450 00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:58,040 Hmm. Bricks? 451 00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:01,240 That should do nicely. Ha! 452 00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:37,840 Come on. There must be a way across it. 453 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:40,720 Burning roads. You predict this, Agnes? 454 00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,560 Why isn't there an index? 455 00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:54,720 You'll never escape London. 456 00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:56,000 Nothing can. 457 00:28:56,080 --> 00:28:58,520 Hastur. How was your time in voicemail? 458 00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:00,680 Funny, ha-ha. Joke all you like, Crowley. 459 00:29:00,760 --> 00:29:02,280 There's nowhere to run. 460 00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:04,216 Aren't you to be lining up, ready for battle around now? 461 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:05,520 Hell will not forget. 462 00:29:05,600 --> 00:29:07,160 Hell will not forgive. 463 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:10,560 You know where the real Antichrist is, don't you? 464 00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:12,560 You'll never reach him. 465 00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:14,360 You're done, Crowley. 466 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:16,280 Think you're going to get across that? 467 00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:18,440 There's nowhere to go. 468 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,920 Let's find out. 469 00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:25,920 What... what... why are you driving? 470 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:28,400 That's... what... Stop this thing. 471 00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:31,000 You know the thing I like best about time, 472 00:29:31,080 --> 00:29:33,600 is that every day it takes us further away 473 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:35,400 from the 14th century. 474 00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:38,800 I really didn't like the 14th century. 475 00:29:38,880 --> 00:29:40,440 - You'd have loved it, then. - Yeah. 476 00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:43,000 They didn't have any cars back in the 14th century. 477 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:46,480 Lovely, clever human people inventing cars, 478 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:50,080 and motorways, and windscreen wipers. 479 00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,480 - You got to hand it to them. - Yeah. Aah! 480 00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:54,920 Stop it. It's over. 481 00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:58,080 You're doomed! You hear me, Crowley? 482 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:00,920 You're doomed. Whatever happens. Doomed! 483 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:03,600 See? This day's already got better. 484 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:11,160 Stop this! You'll discorporate us both! 485 00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:16,240 - This is not funny! - Come on! 486 00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:19,160 If you've got to go, then go with style! 487 00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:23,640 I hate you! 488 00:30:28,520 --> 00:30:30,040 You are my car. 489 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:34,560 I've had you from new. You are not going to burn. 490 00:30:34,640 --> 00:30:37,120 Don't even think of it. 491 00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:44,840 Ha-ha! 492 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,120 Crowley has something no other demons have, 493 00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:50,040 especially not Hastur: an imagination. 494 00:30:50,120 --> 00:30:53,080 Right now, he's imagining that he is just fine, 495 00:30:53,160 --> 00:30:55,600 and that a ton of burning metal, rubber and leather 496 00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:57,720 is a fully functioning car. 497 00:30:57,800 --> 00:30:59,440 He had started the journey in his Bentley, 498 00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:01,920 and he was damned if he wasn't going to finish it 499 00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,120 in the Bentley as well. 500 00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:18,560 The boffins are on their way. 501 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:20,760 In the meantime, nothing is getting out of London. 502 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,760 You sure about that? 503 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:32,400 What was...? 504 00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:34,680 Right now, that's someone else's problem. 505 00:31:35,480 --> 00:31:37,200 He was waving. 506 00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:49,320 Listen, I'm sorry I made you all shut up, 507 00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,320 but I'm going to make it so you can talk again, 508 00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:52,920 and we'll all play a game. 509 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:54,960 We're all going to meet my new friends. 510 00:31:55,040 --> 00:31:57,440 You'll like them so much. 511 00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:05,000 Come to me! 512 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,280 Come to me! 513 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:17,080 Come on. We can still be friends. 514 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:18,440 After all the people have gone, 515 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:21,320 you can rule the world that's left. 516 00:32:21,400 --> 00:32:24,000 Wensley, you can have America. 517 00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,640 And Pepper, you get Asia and Russia. 518 00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,640 And Brian, you can have Europe and Africa. 519 00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:31,360 And Dog, you can have Australia. 520 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:33,160 So we'd rule the world. 521 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,360 But what about you, Adam? 522 00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:38,520 What? 523 00:32:38,600 --> 00:32:41,040 What bit are you going to have? 524 00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,840 I'll be here, same as always. 525 00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:45,400 On your own? 526 00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:46,920 I don't want to go anywhere else. 527 00:32:47,000 --> 00:32:48,800 And this is our Hogback Wood too. 528 00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:50,960 We don't want to go to America or Asia. 529 00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:52,560 You will do as I say. 530 00:32:52,640 --> 00:32:54,160 Or what? 531 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:56,240 You've already taken our mouths and frozen us here. 532 00:32:56,280 --> 00:32:57,320 We can't get away. 533 00:32:57,400 --> 00:32:58,880 Actually, he could kill us. 534 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:02,120 Yes, you could do that. 535 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,080 You aren't frozen anymore. 536 00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:07,280 You can go anywhere you want. See? I don't care where you go. 537 00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:16,040 - Goodbye, Adam. - Goodbye, Adam. 538 00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:18,000 Actually, yes. Goodbye, Adam. 539 00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:19,240 What do you mean "goodbye"? 540 00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:20,640 Stop following us. 541 00:33:20,720 --> 00:33:22,400 I'm not following you. 542 00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:25,240 We aren't your friends anymore. We don't like you. 543 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,680 I don't care. 544 00:33:28,760 --> 00:33:32,080 Dog, come back. 545 00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:34,400 Dog! 546 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:38,320 Let them go. You have the world. 547 00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:43,040 You have the power. You have the glory. 548 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,440 Let them go. 549 00:33:53,760 --> 00:33:55,600 Give me back my dog! 550 00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:59,200 He's not your dog. He's his own dog. 551 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:01,000 I don't think he likes you anymore. 552 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:03,360 You're really scary, and you aren't our friend. 553 00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:06,880 You aren't anybody's friend. You're going to burn all this away. Why? 554 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:08,480 Because some adults mucked things up. 555 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:11,520 That's a reason to fix it, not destroy it. 556 00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:23,040 Come back. Please? 557 00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:50,120 Come on, little one. Hello, Adam. 558 00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:15,920 I'm sorry. 559 00:35:18,800 --> 00:35:20,440 I wasn't... 560 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:22,640 I don't think I was thinking straight. 561 00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:24,640 I am now. 562 00:35:35,600 --> 00:35:37,760 Adam, what have you done? 563 00:35:37,840 --> 00:35:39,640 I don't know. 564 00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:42,680 But whatever I've started, we've got to stop it. 565 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:43,840 We need our bicycles. 566 00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,280 Meet back here in five minutes. 567 00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:47,480 Where are we going? 568 00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:49,120 Adam. 569 00:35:49,160 --> 00:35:51,640 Adam, after we get our bikes, where are we going? 570 00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:54,280 The end of the world. It's not far. 571 00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:58,400 - I've got it. - Oh, yeah? 572 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:00,880 If Agnes tells you what to do, 573 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:02,320 and we need to do this right, 574 00:36:02,400 --> 00:36:05,800 then you just need to pick a card, any card. 575 00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:16,920 "When the skies are crimson seen..." 576 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:18,280 Well, she got that bit right. 577 00:36:19,920 --> 00:36:21,736 "...then ye both must stand between the world of life 578 00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:25,760 and the world of war, where the iron bird lands no more." 579 00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:28,800 See? 580 00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:30,640 It could be talking about us. 581 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,640 "Where the iron bird lands no more." 582 00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:34,920 Iron bird. That could be a plane. 583 00:36:35,000 --> 00:36:36,640 - Mm-hmm. - Where don't they land? 584 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:38,536 There's an American Air Force base outside of town. 585 00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:41,000 They don't land planes there anymore. 586 00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:43,016 I met some of the guys who work there at the village pub. 587 00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:44,840 But why would we go there? 588 00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:46,360 I mean, all they have left in there 589 00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:47,600 is communication technology. 590 00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:49,640 Computers and stuff. 591 00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:51,160 Nothing explosive at all. 592 00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:58,960 Oh, my God. 593 00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,400 Dear lady, it seems to me, 594 00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:04,160 we could make better time walking. 595 00:37:04,200 --> 00:37:07,280 It'd be a miracle to get past 10 miles an hour. 596 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,680 Miracles. Yes. Right. 597 00:37:11,800 --> 00:37:16,440 Uh, hold on extremely tightly, Sergeant Shadwell, 598 00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:18,000 if you'd be so kind. 599 00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:22,360 Whoa! 600 00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,560 Don't look down, Sergeant Shadwell! 601 00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:27,320 And off we go then! 602 00:37:49,880 --> 00:37:51,640 I'm afraid we're lost. 603 00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:53,480 The signposts must have blown down. 604 00:37:53,560 --> 00:37:56,160 We're looking for the air base. 605 00:37:56,200 --> 00:37:57,640 Well, it's second on the right. 606 00:37:57,680 --> 00:37:59,080 Well, it's not exactly on the right. 607 00:37:59,120 --> 00:38:00,640 You go to the left, but you'll find 608 00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:03,960 that it winds its way around to the right eventually. 609 00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:06,160 It's signposted "Porrit's Lane". 610 00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,840 You'll come into the village, you go up past the Bull and Fiddle 611 00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:10,560 and you can't miss it. 612 00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:12,640 Not sure I got that. 613 00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:14,640 I did. Let us go. 614 00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:25,656 "Behind the eagle's nest a great ash hath fallen." 615 00:38:25,680 --> 00:38:27,080 That's it. 616 00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,120 You know, most of my family thought it was something 617 00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:32,600 to do with the Russian Revolution. 618 00:38:32,640 --> 00:38:34,840 You know, these places have some pretty serious people 619 00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:36,640 with some extremely big guns guarding them. 620 00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:38,256 And if we don't get shot trying to break in, 621 00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:40,200 then we're going to spend the last few minutes 622 00:38:40,320 --> 00:38:42,616 before the world ends in a little cell without any windows in it... 623 00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:45,160 Okay. I think you're getting yourself a little overexcited. 624 00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:48,600 I'm not. I'm getting myself quite calmly worried 625 00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:51,520 about being shot, and then put in a cell, 626 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:54,160 and then waterboarded, and then shot again. 627 00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:56,480 Don't worry, Agnes would have definitely told me 628 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,440 if someone was going to shoot you. 629 00:39:37,880 --> 00:39:39,400 This is the place. 630 00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:44,160 Is this all there is? I thought it'd be more impressive somehow. 631 00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:45,920 All these thousands of years waiting, 632 00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:47,760 just for a ride of a hundred miles. 633 00:39:47,840 --> 00:39:51,960 If Armageddon is anywhere, then it is everywhere. 634 00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:53,480 Let's crash through the barriers. 635 00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:57,800 No. We go in, we do the job, we go out. 636 00:39:57,880 --> 00:40:00,600 The geography is immaterial. 637 00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:21,640 Surprise inspection, officer. 638 00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:28,600 I was not informated on any surprise inspection, sir. 639 00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:31,360 Well, if you had, it wouldn't be a surprise, now would it? 640 00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:33,440 Can I... 641 00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:36,200 Can I see some kind of identification, sir? 642 00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:38,680 Very good, sir. 643 00:40:38,800 --> 00:40:40,640 Don't tell them we're coming, officer. 644 00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:42,600 We want it to be a surprise. 645 00:40:57,000 --> 00:40:59,680 "Behind the eagle's nest, a great ash hath fallen." 646 00:40:59,800 --> 00:41:01,360 Well, she's on the money there. 647 00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:05,200 Nice going, Dick Turpin. 648 00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:07,520 You really do call your car "Dick Turpin". 649 00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,640 Yes. 650 00:41:09,760 --> 00:41:12,800 I bet you're hoping one day someone's going to ask you why. 651 00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:15,160 Maybe. 652 00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:17,840 Right. 653 00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:19,840 It can't be this easy. It really can't. 654 00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:22,800 There's going to be guards and security cameras. 655 00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:27,160 Where are we going? 656 00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:30,480 There. 657 00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:31,840 How do you know? 658 00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:33,520 Because everything in my life, 659 00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:35,880 everything Agnes wrote down on that book 400 years ago, 660 00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:38,040 everything is all leading me here. 661 00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:40,640 Now. With you. 662 00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:46,120 I know. 663 00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,640 - How are we going to stop them exactly? - Come on. 664 00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,160 It's stupid calling it a military base. 665 00:41:58,280 --> 00:41:59,640 I went up there on their open day, 666 00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:01,440 and they didn't even have guns and things. 667 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:04,880 Just lots of radios, satellite dishes and stuff. 668 00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:07,160 Yeah, it was all knobs and dials. 669 00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:08,600 Stupid. 670 00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:10,360 What are your new friends going to do here? 671 00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:12,960 Well, I suppose they could patch into the worldwide military net 672 00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:14,600 and issue orders to all computers 673 00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:16,416 to activate all automated systems and start fighting. 674 00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:19,280 Actually, that would be quite difficult. 675 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:22,080 Not really. Not if you're them. 676 00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,320 Oi, you! Stop! 677 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,040 I said stop! 678 00:43:17,440 --> 00:43:20,960 Adam Young, I thought it was you. 679 00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:23,480 And the rest of you. Do your parents know you're out? 680 00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:25,760 Actually, it's not like there's a law against being out. 681 00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:29,920 I mean, you can't get sent to prison for "being out". 682 00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,440 Where are you four troublemakers going this evening? 683 00:43:32,520 --> 00:43:35,160 And don't stick your tongue out at me, young lady, 684 00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:37,360 or I'll have words with your mother. 685 00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,576 - We're going to the air base. - If that's alright with you. 686 00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:42,240 I mean, we wouldn't want to go there if it wasn't alright with you. 687 00:43:43,760 --> 00:43:47,920 Adam Young, don't think I won't talk to your father! 688 00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:52,600 Can someone pass me the screwdriver? 689 00:43:56,680 --> 00:43:58,280 Who the hell are you? 690 00:43:58,360 --> 00:44:01,880 I am neither of Hell nor Heaven. 691 00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,840 What's so special about this place anyway? 692 00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:07,040 This is a classified communications hub. 693 00:44:07,120 --> 00:44:08,880 Everything comes through here. 694 00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:11,096 See, they've made it so they don't even have to fight anymore. 695 00:44:11,120 --> 00:44:14,600 - Machines will do it for them. - Except the dying. 696 00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:16,320 When it comes to some things, 697 00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,560 machines will never replace people. 698 00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:20,160 I can feel it. 699 00:44:20,240 --> 00:44:21,520 Another five minutes, 700 00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:23,280 and the whole world will be at war. 701 00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:24,800 And once the war begins, 702 00:44:24,880 --> 00:44:26,760 the famine comes... 703 00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:29,440 then the pollution. 704 00:44:33,400 --> 00:44:35,360 We're in business. 705 00:44:46,600 --> 00:44:49,840 They are taking charge of the electricity, all of it. 706 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:52,720 And under their rule, it is coming to life. 707 00:44:52,800 --> 00:44:55,800 They're fusing relays. They're closing switches. 708 00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:57,560 They're turning off the lights. 709 00:44:57,640 --> 00:44:59,320 They are in control. 710 00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:03,040 Let's get this show off the road. 711 00:45:16,920 --> 00:45:19,360 - All warheads armed. - What the heck? 712 00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:21,040 Did you really just say "what the heck"? 713 00:45:21,120 --> 00:45:23,520 Get me STRATCOM Cyber Command. Something's happening. 714 00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:28,520 It has begun. 715 00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:30,040 Nuclear codes delivered. 716 00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:32,920 Everything is set in motion for the final countdown. 717 00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:34,280 The sword is raised, 718 00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:36,200 ready to strike. 719 00:46:01,000 --> 00:46:02,640 It's not just nuclear destruction. 720 00:46:02,720 --> 00:46:04,560 It's chemical too. 721 00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:06,960 And my favourite standbys are all chemical. 722 00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:08,520 Say what you like, 723 00:46:08,600 --> 00:46:11,280 plutonium may give you grief for thousands of years, 724 00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:13,360 but arsenic is forever. 725 00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:17,160 The war, the pollution and then the winter. 726 00:46:17,240 --> 00:46:20,320 I like the winter. So cold. 727 00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:22,160 So clean. So hungry. 728 00:46:37,240 --> 00:46:39,200 Ah, excuse me. Sorry to bother you. 729 00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:41,840 I seem to have got slightly lost. 730 00:46:41,920 --> 00:46:43,680 Tadfield Air Base? 731 00:46:43,760 --> 00:46:45,960 There are some things it is very difficult to say. 732 00:46:46,040 --> 00:46:48,760 What R.P. Tyler truly wants to say is: 733 00:46:50,080 --> 00:46:52,880 Your car is on fire. 734 00:46:52,960 --> 00:46:56,600 But he can't. I mean, the man must know, mustn't he? 735 00:46:56,680 --> 00:46:59,360 Perhaps it's some kind of practical joke? 736 00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:00,560 So he says... 737 00:47:00,640 --> 00:47:02,320 Might have taken the wrong turn. 738 00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:04,280 Signpost blown down. 739 00:47:04,360 --> 00:47:05,640 Easy mistake to make. 740 00:47:05,720 --> 00:47:07,480 So, second on the right. 741 00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:09,520 When what he wants to say is... 742 00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:13,560 Young man, your car is on fire, and you're still sitting in it, 743 00:47:13,640 --> 00:47:17,040 and frankly, it's in no fit condition to drive. 744 00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,440 Right. Got it. Terrific. 745 00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:21,240 - Young man? - Yes? 746 00:47:21,320 --> 00:47:23,240 Very unusual weather for the time of year. 747 00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:24,960 I'm afraid I hadn't noticed. 748 00:47:25,040 --> 00:47:28,640 That's probably because your stupid car is on fire! 749 00:48:14,120 --> 00:48:15,840 You see this finger, laddie? 750 00:48:15,920 --> 00:48:18,240 This finger could send you to your maker. 751 00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:20,600 It really is vitally important 752 00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:23,120 that we speak to whoever is in charge. 753 00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:25,576 He's telling the truth. I'd know if he wasn't. 754 00:48:25,600 --> 00:48:28,256 Will you please stop interrupting? I am trying... 755 00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:30,296 I just thought I'd put in a good word for... 756 00:48:30,320 --> 00:48:32,296 Yeah, I understand, but you must really... 757 00:48:32,320 --> 00:48:34,640 Will you please be quiet? Both of you. 758 00:48:34,720 --> 00:48:38,080 I mean, ma'am, I must respectfully ask you to... 759 00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:55,400 You wouldn't get that sort of performance from a modern car. 760 00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:58,800 - Crowley? - Hey, Aziraphale! I see you found a ride. 761 00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:01,120 - Nice dress. Suits you. - Ahh! 762 00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:04,760 This young man won't let us in. 763 00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:07,320 Leave it to me. 764 00:49:08,240 --> 00:49:09,680 Army human, 765 00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:12,840 my friend and I have come a long way, and... 766 00:49:14,320 --> 00:49:15,400 Which one of you did that? 767 00:49:17,080 --> 00:49:19,560 Okay, those kids are in big trouble. 768 00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:22,040 And so are you people. Don't move! 769 00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:28,400 All the chickens are coming home to roost. 770 00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:31,320 No more chickens. 771 00:49:31,400 --> 00:49:33,480 Countdown to activation initiated. 772 00:49:33,560 --> 00:49:35,360 Our lord, our master. 773 00:49:35,440 --> 00:49:39,240 Our friend. He's all we've been waiting for. 774 00:49:39,320 --> 00:49:40,960 When he joins us, 775 00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:43,680 we will be complete. 776 00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:52,800 Adam didn't know what was going to happen next, 777 00:49:52,880 --> 00:49:54,640 but he did know what he had to do. 778 00:49:54,720 --> 00:49:56,320 So, what are these people like? 779 00:49:56,400 --> 00:49:57,400 Don't know. 780 00:49:58,800 --> 00:50:00,040 Are they grownups? 781 00:50:08,000 --> 00:50:10,840 - What the hell are you kids doing here? - It's alright. 782 00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:13,640 Listen, kid, you're on military property. 783 00:50:13,720 --> 00:50:15,560 I think you all need to go to sleep now. 784 00:50:15,640 --> 00:50:17,240 All you soldiers. 785 00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:25,080 I'm here! 786 00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:31,000 He is here. 787 00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:32,920 Everything ends now. 788 00:50:33,000 --> 00:50:35,160 Time is over. 56818

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