All language subtitles for Um Astronauta na Corte do Rei Arthur (1979) - peplum

[Man]
Minus five, minus four,

three, two, one...

Ignition!

We have separation.

[Second man]
What'll she do?

The mission of stardust
is to explore the stars

and planets of this
galaxy and beyond.

I know that.
I mean, how fast will she go?

Stardust should definitely
travel faster than light.

Which, as you all know,
is 186,283.4 Miles per second.

Wow. That's really
pouring the coal to it.

We won't be using coal,
senator milburn.

Stardust will actually
collect atoms while in flight,

ionizing the medium
ahead of the craft

and guiding the ions
into the intake area here.

This can be accomplished

by the use of intense
magnetic fields.

In just 4 1/2 years,

the craft could reach our
nearest star, Alpha centauri.

Aren't speeds like that
supposed to turn back the clock

or develop a time warp?

This flight will put
Einstein's theory of relativity

to the test.

The crew, of course, will not
be aware of the passage of time.

Did you say crew?

Indeed.

The ship is designed
to accommodate two crewmen.

You can stop right there,
doctor.

You intend to put fine,
young American men

into that untried contraption

and shoot 'em out of this world
into some never-never land?

That's oversimplifying it,
but yes.

Oh, no, you're not!

Not while I'm chairman

of the finance ways and means
committee of this project.

Not with the elections
coming up.

We have some women in
the space program.

Maybe... women?

No, sir.

You'd better come up

with another brainstorm, doctor,

or that baby's never
gonna get out of this room.

[Telephone ringing]

Trimble here.

Trimble, what are you doing?

Uh, transcendental
meditation, sir.

I'm taking you off
that project, trimble.

You're going on
to humanoids, immediately.

Hum...

humanoids?

Trimble, I want a robot

that walks, talks,
sees, reacts... the works.

Yes, sir.

[Music escalating]

¶ ¶

[Triumphal melody]

¶ ¶

[Whimsical interlude]

¶ ¶

[Clacking]

[Beep]

[Beep]

It's another method
of transportation

known as an airplane.

Man uses it to fly
through the air.

[Beep]

This is a woman.
I am a man.

That is a woman.
You are modeled after me.

She is the opposite sex.
[Beeping]

[Crunching]

We named him hermes

after the Greek God of speed.

We've managed to simulate

an ordinary average human body.

Not only does hermes look human,

but he has human reflexes
and human responses

to a given situation.

Such as...

[Clears throat]
How do you feel, hermes?

[Beep]

Fine, thank you.

He talks, he reacts
to shapes and stimuli

and can feed back to us
information

on human anatomical compensation

to interstellar flight
almost as well as man.

Please, gentlemen,
step up and say hello.

[Chuckles]

Well, senator, we did it.

[Man]
The interstellar spacecraft

that will travel
farther and faster

than anything
yet conceived by man...

stardust is designed
and equipped

for landing and exploration
on distant planets.

We're informed by ground control

that all systems
are still green,

but we're on hold
due to a technical problem.

Hermes, the president
is waiting.

What's holding things up?

I've got important
guests out there.

Hermes doesn't want to go.
He's afraid.

Afraid?
What's he afraid of?

That he won't ever come back.

It's a possibility.

Hermes has thought
the problem through.

Walter's asking about the delay.

Uh, tell him it's
a technical problem

we're taking care of. Yes, sir.

Zimmerman, I approved
this rube goldberg contraption,

and my committee chairmanship
is riding on it.

You blow it,
and your budget next year

won't be enough
to build a paper airplane.

Smedley, get trimble out there

to try and talk some sense into it.
Yes, sir.

And snap it up!
There's a storm front coming in!

Yes, sir.

[Thunder rumbles]

Hermes? Hermes?

I want to talk to you.
Close the hatch.

Now, what is all this
about you not wanting to go?

[Beep beep]

I'm afraid
I'm never coming back.

Of course you're coming back.

What a silly thing to say.
Now, come on.

Get into your nice,
white space suit.

Dr. Zimmerman thinks
I'll be good publicity.

You know, you put me in a very
embarrassing position here.

I mean, what are people
gonna think

if we have to scrub this mission
because you're afraid?

Great big robot like you?

Come on. Now, just put
this thing on here.

What's this?

Hermes!
[Beeps]

Well, 30 years
is 30 years, I suppose.

Listen...
Well, forget the suit.

But anyway, hermes,
we've spent a lot of time

and a lot of money
on this mission.

[Rocket rumbling]

Is that you, hermes?

No, it's me, tom trimble.

Get out of the picture, trimble.
You look awful.

Where's hermes?

He's here.
I think he's hurt... b-broken.

Dr. Zimmerman,
you've got to get us down!

Impossible, trimble.
I can't abort this mission now.

Just make yourself comfortable.

For 30 years?

Oh, it won't seem
that long to you.

Ten at the outside.

Please... I have acrophobia,

and it's getting worse
every minute!

Relax, trimble, relax,

or we can't get
true readings on you.

Oh, something else, trimble.

When you get back,

there'll be a nice little
surprise in your pay envelope.

How does that sound?

Like a posthumous award!

[Clears throat]
Well, I have to go.

Trimble, you probably
won't have much to report

until you reach star vega,
but...

Keep in touch.

But...

[click]

[Dramatic music]

¶ ¶

hermes! Hermes, do something.

We've got to get
this thing down.

Do what you were
programmed to do.

Oh, I'm sorry, hermes.

Your timing pulse staticizer

probably got jammed by your
radix when you bumped your head.

Don't worry, it's nothing
that a soldering iron

and a screw driver can't fix.

I got to get
this thing into orbit.

[Rapid beeping]
Oh, no!

[Static]

Oh, boy. The power's failing?

No!

It's the sun...
Rising and setting.

I got to slow this thing down.

We'd best spend the night
right here

and then get an early start
for Camelot in the morning.

There.

[Booming, goose honks]

What was that?

[Rockets rumbling]

It's after us!

[Honking]
Shh!

Now, why would it stick
its tongue out at us?

What's that?

[Goose honking]

Now you've done it!

Fly for your life!

Oh, please. Take me instead.

No contest.

But, lady, you wouldn't
believe what I've been through,

so would you just...

Where am I?

Bodney on Trent,

langdale walk, bennington green,

Devonshire cream,
cornwall, England.

The year of our lord 508...
Monster.

508? It really works.

You really can turn
back the clock. Here.

Albert Einstein,
you really knew your stuff.

What is it you're after?

Well, I'm trying
to figure some way

to get stardust into orbit,

rewind the clock,
and get back to the cape.

Mm.
Well, we must be going now.

Where? Camelot.

It's 4 leagues... Monster.

Why do you keep
calling me monster?

Well, you have no face
and no ears.

If you help me get
this thing off,

I can show you
what I look like inside.

Oh, I'm not that curious
to look inside you.

Please, can we go now?

Wait, uh... Who's
in charge here?

I suppose I am.

Mum died of the plague
three years past.

And this is father. Come on.

What's that
she's consorting with?

'Tis too big for a troll.

Yet it's plainly not aggressive.

Are you certain you want
to go to the castle?

They aren't always
friendly to mon...

strangers.

Well, I gotta get out of here.

Maybe in Camelot I can find
some reasonable person

who doesn't think I'm
a creature from outer space.

And where do you come from?

Hey, hey. Easy with the stick.

I friend.

Aiding fugitives
is punishable by death.

I wasn't aiding anybody.
I was...

you are my prisoner!
Do you contest that, hmm?

No, no.

Discretion is
the better part of valor.

That's very good.
I must tell that to the king.

Lead on, prisoner. To Camelot.

Go on with your story.

Well...

Sir mordred
wanted father's land,

but father refused
to give it up.

You see, he believes
that every Freeman

should own the land he works.

Isn't that right, father?

[Woman screams]
I think so, too...

what is that?
They keep doing that.

They think you're a goblin.

Goblins... they come out
in the evening.

Well, do you still
think I'm a goblin?

Heaven forbid. I never
thought it for an instant.

Goblins don't fly.
[Goose honks]

Get to the part

where your father
becomes a goose.

A gander.
I don't believe it!

Oh, it's quite true.

No, no, no.
I mean the castle.

That's Camelot?

It is.

King Arthur's Camelot?
Mm-hmm.

Come on.

Well, when I returned
from haymarket,

a gander was in father's chair,

eating breakfast crumbs
off the table.

So naturally, you figured
it was your old man

transformed by some evil spell.

Well, what else
could it have been?

Father was nowhere to be seen,
and the door was locked.

If only I could see Merlin.

I know he could
make father himself again.

Merlin? The magician?

Yes.

But how would the likes
of you know Merlin?

Oh, just by reputation.

[Crowd gasps]

[Scattered applause]

[Murmuring]

[Squealing]

Now, most gracious king Arthur,

I shall transform
this pink-eyed white rat

into vintage red wine.
[Clank]

If I were to turn you
to stone, sir gawain,

possibly I might
continue uninterrupted.

[Ladies tittering]

Atray.

Anishbay.

Ecumbum, ineway, ahowmay.

By my sword... that's wine!

Wine!
[Murmuring]

And that concludes my dazzling
display of black magic

for this evening...
Your servant.

[Crowd gasps]

[Applause]

[Screaming]

[Mordred] Fear not.
I have it subdued.

Your majesty.

Mordred, what have you
in tow this time?

[Trimble] King Arthur,
after the ceremony, I...

your majesty,

with intention to rob,

this creature and five like it

fell upon me in the forest
with firebrands and lances.

I dispatched the others
and spared this one

as a curio for your majesty.

[Applause]

[King Arthur] The head resembles
a large bug with one eye.

And I've not seen
tentacles like that

on a land creature before.

It's this spacesuit,
your majesty.

In saddle shoes,
slacks, and a blazer, I...

what are your plans
for the thing?

It's not large enough
for a beast of burden,

and it's too large for a pet.

I was thinking more along
the lines of a burning.

Excellent suggestion, mordred.

With your majesty's
approval, of course,

I could possibly
do something a little...

Out of the ordinary
with this creature.

W-what do you mean burning?

Burn who? For what?

Burning is a fit punishment
for the offense.

Very well, then. A burning.

Early tomorrow.

[Crowd chanting]
Burning! Burning!

Hey, wait a minute.

When do I get my turn at bat?
Wait, wait!

Wait! Let him speak.

I would know something
of your clan.

You know, I think I could
settle this a little better

if I could get this helmet off.

Do you have a wrench
around here?

Wench, wench?

We have several wenches
about the castle,

but we don't usually
make them available

to captive... things.

However... Peg!

Tend to its needs.
Within reason.

Yeah, I think if you could

get a-a headlock around here
and twist...

Don't worry.
You won't feel a thing.

[Crowd gasps]
Face.

Hi.

Uh, you wanted to hear
something about my clan.

Suppose I should start
with a little history,

or in your case a little future.

In, uh, 1492,

a man named Christopher Columbus
is going to discover America.

Now, America
is another continent

approximately
3,000 Miles from here.

Columbus's ships
will be named the Nina,

the pinta, and the Santa Maria.

A lot of people think that
leif ericson got there first.

I don't know about that.

All I know is that
all the banks are closed

on Columbus day,
not ericson day.

Ericson day...

So we jump a couple hundred
years, and the pilgrims...

[Snoring]

So when stardust
blasted off prematurely,

I was trapped inside.

Now, you recall my explanation
of the law of gravity

and how that theory is applied
to orbiting objects?

Well, stardust...

yes, yes, we all recall.

Madame curie
and fulton's steamboat

and that imbecile
who flew kites in the rain.

Just think what we could do
with the likes of them today,

if they were not
just the creation

of your disordered brain!

[Pounds table]

Those are the
straight goods, king.

It happened just the way
I told you.

Or at least
it will happen that way.

And do you seriously
expect us to believe

that you were alive
1,400 years from now?

Then why aren't you
1,400 years old?

Well, that's a little
difficult to explain.

With your permission, sire,

may I suggest we put an end
to this travesty?

Agreed.
Take him away.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I can tell you how the crusades
are gonna come out,

and I can warn you here
that mordred

tries to take over your kingdom.

And maybe with a little
historical license,

I can help you out, king!

I eat very little and I'm
very good with a screwdriver!

Just listen to me...

[Gruff voice] Food for sir
mordred's latest prisoner.

[Whispering]
Sandy?

Over here.

[Gasps]

Thing!

I hardly recognized you
without your head on.

Would you stop
with that "thing" thing?

This is getting serious.

I'm gonna be burned
at the stake tomorrow.

Can you believe that?
Me, burned at the stake?

I heard.

But, see, I've brought
you something.

Oh.

Clarence's hammer.

To free you from your chains.

You did all this for me?

Well, you've harmed no one.

You should be set free to
return to your natural habitat.

Oh, you mean the usa.

Mmm, or the sky.

Wherever you like it best.

Lady, when you get
an idea in your head,

you don't let go, do you?

Now, look at me.
Look at me closely.

Do I look like a monster to you?

No, not so much anymore.

But you did

when you came out of your shell
breathing smoke.

No, no. That was steam.

You see, it was as hot
as an oven in the capsule

when I reentered.

How does ordinary man
live in an oven?

Ah. This is a very special suit.
It resists heat.

See? It's even got its own
temperature control.

[Air hissing]

It's like a built-in
air conditioning system.

Now, between that
and the asbestos mater...

asbestos material!

I need a match.

[Ripping]
Oh! Didn't that hurt?

No, no. Here, hold that candle.

And that doesn't either.

I must go now. No, no.

No, no, there's no reason
to be afraid.

I'll be saved! Don't you see?

This material is a mixture

of a silicate of calcium
and magnesium.

It doesn't conduct heat.

Now do you understand?

Of course.

No, no. Sandy, I'm no different
from you or anybody... ow!

[Door slams]

[Man groans]

What was that? Next room.

Man's got growing pains.

But it can't last for long.

[Man groans]

Are you all right?

Who... Who asks such
a stupid question?

Tom trimble.
I'm sir mordred's prisoner.

Satan himself.

He wants me to confess
I killed one of his deer.

If I confess to his charge,

I must forfeit all
my properties to him.

It is my only legacy

to my beloved daughter alisande.

Are you Sandy's father?

You... You know my daughter?

Yes, yes.

Poor child must think me dead.

No, actually,
she thinks you're a goose.

A goose?
Her own father.

She must get word
to our sovereign.

Don't worry... right after
I'm burned at the stake,

I'll tell the whole story
to king Arthur.

Would it not show more foresight

to tell him before the burning?

I had troubling dreams
when I did sleep, gawain.

Tell me.

Was it the Wright brothers
who discovered radio?

I think not, your highness.

That was, uh...

That was babe Ruth.

Hmm.

And Uncle miltie was...

Will be the first man
to fly, correct?

I believe he invents
the horseless carriage,

your grace.

Although I dozed off
through that period.

I wonder if he couldn't be
trained to be a court Jester.

He tells the best lies
we've ever heard at the table.

True, true.

Better even than sir mordred's.

How's that, sir gawain?

Well, when I say better,
I mean different.

I mean, you tell the most
excellent lies, sir mordred,

and of course you do, but...
[Merlin] Executioners!

By his majesty's
gracious command,

bring in the creature!

[Crowd commotion]

Look at the size of him!

He's eaten a hearty last meal.

[Tinny voice]
Clarence.

Could you reach
inside my leg there?

Hold that till I get back.

There's some very good
articles in it.

It is most brave...

Isn't it, father?

Uh, king Arthur?

Could I please have a word
with you after the burning?

After the burning?

Well...

If he feels up to it,
I see no harm.

Make sure it is bound securely.

Oh, n...

[Air hissing]

It would appear it's
suddenly wasting away.

We best proceed

while there's still something
left to the monster to burn.

Start the burning.

[Cheering]

By my halidom!

Mordred, you're rarely
at a loss for words.

What sayest thou?

Plainly he comes
from Hardy stock,

your majesty.

Merlin, fan the flames!

Ifum estraydum isthum eaturcrum!

[Crowd gasps]

[Hissing]

Yow!

Merlin.

Do you think this creature
has unholy powers?

Impossible!

What I mean,
your majesty, my liege...

I may possibly have
underestimated his capacities.

I'd rather he was
with us than against us.

I'm afraid we've already
abused that option.

But I can't have it roaming
the halls of Camelot.

Mordred!
'Twas all your doing.

And I shall be
the thing's undoing.

There is nothing to fear.

We have yet to see

how this creature
resists cold steel.

Oh!

[Mordred] Page!

Go inside and fetch my sword.

Me?

Thou jests.

Thou art on thin ice
as it is, page.

I bid thee, obey!

[Goose honking]

You're in bad trouble.

Sir mordred's looking for you.

Can't we declare
king's x for a bit, Clarence?

I must find the monster
and help him.

He cannot defend himself
against weapons.

That we have seen.

Well, what concern
is that of yours?

Oh, Clarence.
Perhaps he isn't a monster.

Did you see that?

With these eyes.

But my heart refuses
to accept it. Come.

We must help it escape.

Come on, father.
[Honking]

He's all right.

[Loud honking]

Sandy, I can explain everything.

I saw your father in the...
well, there's no time!

Sir mordred threatens
to run you through

with his sword.

Clarence, lend a hand here,
will you, please?

[Mordred] Page, I
wouldst have my sword!

Is there a back door?
A laundry chute, maybe?

None. And only the king can
order the drawbridge lowered.

[Mordred] I'll section that
creature like a hung beef.

Ah, it's locked!

Oh!

Well, surely you
can defend yourself

in some way.

Ugh. Do you bite?

We have the finest selection
of swords in the country here.

Try one for weight and balance.

Isn't that king Arthur's sword?

[Grunts]

Oh, I knew it!

Your heart is pure.

There's no time for that now.

You'd better leave
before mordred gets here.

I couldn't bear to watch anyway.

Clarence, I don't know
how to fight.

I must deliver
sir mordred his sword.

If he thought for a minute
I'd befriended thee...

listen, you have to help me.

Impossible! Sir mordred
would boil me in oil.

He'll never know.

I'm a lowly page.

But I'll do what I can.

Great.
Now, which way's north?

Have you got a hammer?

Only in the blacksmith's shop.

Anything'll do.
Something heavy.

I'm gonna try
to magnetize the sword.

Magnetize it?

Yes. A blow to the handle

should rearrange the molecular
structure of the steel.

Hurry up! Come on!

[Clang]

What delays thee, page?
I'll skewer thee!

He wenteth that way.

It's taken refuge
in the great hall.

Where it will see
its last moments.

[Grunting]

[Groans]

It has taken on rust.

I have been putting my Lance
to use of late.

Mordred, please.

I have a knack for
this sort of thing.

Aah! Ooh!

Hah!

Sir mordred, are you going
to be long over this?

You're holding up
the midday meal.

I beg your indulgence, sire,

but my... my trusty sword and I
seem to be at odds.

He seems quite attached to it.

I-I hate to impose on you
further, your majesty,

but would you be so kind?

[Grunts]

I'll fillet thee
like a flounder!

May I remind you, mordred,

that you are a knight of the
round table with a reputation?

[Gawain]
Hear, hear.

If you would be so kind,
sir gawain...

Is that fair?

A good knight must learn
to use his own judgment.

Well, sir mordred
is one of our own.

Release it quickly.

I find it impossible
to oblige you, sir mordred.

Oh!

It is metal it attracts,
sir mordred.

Touch not metal with the blade.

His head be not of metal.

Guards, steadfast!

Now, mordred, put an end to it.

Aah!

Dear, oh, dear.
What a pity.

Sir Lancelot.
Is he here?

Uh, he's taken leave.

Something about
rescuing a maiden.

Oh, I heard he was into that.

Sir brandell...

Sir...
[Gasps]

Here's sir galahad.

Sir galahad.

Oh, I can't wait to get home
and tell the folks about this.

Which reminds me,
I've gotta start working

on a way get back
to the 20th century.

Yes, you keep saying that.

But I can't see how
one can possibly

go back to the 20th century

when we're still only
in the 6th.

Well, I'll figure it out.

Tell me, tom, please.

I promise not to let it
go past this room.

Where exactly do you come from?

Well, king, do you remember
when I told you

about Columbus
sailing the ocean blue?

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
No, no.

I can't go into that again.

Bugs that jitter,
beetles that throw rocks.

No, no.
"Play rock."

You'll understand better
when I show you stardust.

Sir galahad.
Ah, sir mordred.

King?
No, never mind.

Well, what is it?

I don't like to get mixed up
into office politics,

but my sources tell me

that mordred here's
got a sideline going.

Sideline?

He's moonlighting.

He's got some poor guy
spread-eagle on the rack

trying to force him
to confess to poaching

so that mordred
can rip off his land.

What?

That's a serious charge
against one of my knights.

I trust you have proof.
Oh, I do. Follow me.

Wait!

A king does not follow
a captive,

however weird
that captive may be.

Sorry, king. Go ahead.

Downstairs and
to your left, king.

Mm-hmm.

Sir mordred put him down here.

Poor guy's just skin and bones.

It appears
he's wasted away to nothing.

[Mordred] If indeed
he ever was here.

Sir mordred, I'm told
that you're involved

in a... what?

Land grab.

Wresting property from freemen

on false charges.

A blatant lie, your majesty.
My honor has been impugned.

I demand satisfaction
on the field.

Again?

He has that right.

Though I must say, I've lost
some good knights that way.

Maybe I made a mistake.

Maybe he said "moorhead"
instead of "mordred."

A joust, to the death!

You wouldn't consider changing
that to a game of chess?

Chess to the death?

I demand satisfaction.

Oh, dear, oh, dear. So be it.

It shall be decided tomorrow.

I'll tell you one thing...
no more nice guy me.

I think you can safely say that.

[Whispering]
Clarence, are you alone?

Please go away.

My hours are numbered as it is.

[Whispering] I've got a
proposition for you.

This is yours to keep

if you'll help me
get out of here.

If you don't meet
sir mordred tomorrow

on the field of honor,

you'll be banished
from england forever.

That still beats a sharp
stick in the chest.

What do you say?

There's a rope
by the old outer chapel.

I'll be there at...

What's that?

9 o'clock.

Okay.

[Horse whinnies]

What news upon
my worthy opponent?

We've searched the castle
from turret to dungeon.

He must've fled
during the night.

Well, obviously he's cast
his spell upon the guards

and fled into some covert,

which gives little
satisfaction to me.

Well, if he has not made
an appearance soon,

we'll consider him vanquished.

And with it, I trust
his heinous charges

against sir mordred, my liege?

Hello?
What's this?

Oh, father.
He looks so handsome.

All in white with his little
red, white, and blue flag.

We must give him something
to take into battle

and his world beyond.

[Honking]

It looks as though you
shall not have your victory

without bloodletting
after all, mordred.

My pleasure.
Let's get on with it.

Ha!

Oh, Thomas, it would
make me most proud

if you'd carry something
of mine into battle.

Please. Wear this.

[Goose honking]

Oh, it's from father too.

[Beep, robotic voice]
Thank you.

[Trimble]
Is it over yet?

Not yet.

But the maid alisande's
revealed herself

and is talking
to your twin brother.

He's not my brother. Sandy?

Yes.

I told you,
he's a humanoid, a robot.

When we reset his staticizer
last night,

I programmed him
to joust for me.

Well, if thou say so.

Thomas?

I wouldn't dare speak like this

if I thought I'd ever
have to face you again.

But since you're going
to be killed anyway,

I see no harm in revealing
my strange feelings for you.

Listen to that, Clarence.
I think she likes me.

We really have no time for this.

If one of sir mordred's
servants found us here,

well, I dare not contemplate
what form his wrath might take.

Okay.

All right, hermes.
That's enough.

Hermes, put the girl down
and get on with the joust.

He's programmed to react
to sights and sounds,

but this is sheer
insubordination.

Hermes, put the girl down
and go on with the joust.

That's an order.

[Beeps]
You feel soft.

I feel soft?

That's it?
That's all you have to say?

[Beeps]
Later.

There's not gonna
be any later, hermes.

Remember, I can turn you off
as fast as she can turn you on.

Please, get whatever thou seeks

and let us
vacate these chambers.

Oh, you're right.

[Fanfare]

¶ ¶

[Horse whinnies]

[Beep]

Giddy-up.

[Crowd cheers]

[Crowd cheers]
Whoa!

Do you think somebody
should tell the American

his arm's missing?

I cannot intercede.
I made the rule myself.

How's it going?

Aw, look at that.

Hermes, turn around
and do it again.

You just have to keep going
till you can't go any longer.

[Cheering]

How's hermes doing?

Not very well, I'm afraid.

He seems to have lost his head.

Don't worry about hermes.
He's cool.

Oh, you mean really
lost his head.

I'm sorry, hermes.

But this is to save england.

[Merlin] I have seen
similar phenomena

in chickens, my lord.

This is england, sire.

Sir mordred!

Can you not put an end
to this dissection?

It has long ceased to be sport.

As your majesty knows,
tradition demands

he must yield or die.

Ha!

Well, at least
it's out of its misery.

Come.

[Electric sizzling]

[Pop]
Oh!

The contest is over down there.

How's hermes?

Done for.

Oh, I'm sorry I yelled at him.

Maybe I can put him
together again.

All the king's horses
and all the king's men

couldn't do that.

Look at this.
This is it.

Just wait till king Arthur
gets a load of this.

Come on, let's go!

Hmm. A pity.

I was becoming
rather attached to it,

whatever it was.

It will no longer be
a source of torment, sire.

I have dispatched the creature
from our midst for all time.

With your permission,
your majesty,

I will keep these remains
for my laboratory.

Oh!

And thereby gain an insight

into its origins
and feeding habits.

Yes, well, do as
you please, Merlin,

but tidy up thoroughly.

Merlin, I... hmm!

Ooh. Sorry.

Um, I wonder if I might
prevail upon you

to change my father over there
into his old self.

It seems... later,
later, later, my child!

One can see that more important
matters demand my attention.

You and your father
can wait in my quarters.

[Trimble]
Wait a minute!

Everybody stay right where you are!
[Crowd gasping]

Merlin, you keep your
mitts off hermes there.

Sandy, I'm all right. You are?

[King Arthur] Really!
This is too much!

You reproduce yourself
like a lizard's tail.

You change colors
like a chameleon.

King, I'm here to present
documentary proof

that mordred here
is acquiring territory,

arms, and men for a takeover.

How did you manage
to acquire such holdings?

And I see you've been
levying your own taxes.

To what end, sir mordred?

Well?

To take over Camelot
and, with it, england.

He sees himself
in your chair, king.

Seize that knight!

Death to Arthur!

[Men shouting, commotion]

Stop him!

[Buzzing]

You know, gawain, there's
something unholy about this.

Wouldn't it be better
to let him rest in peace?

[Beeping]

Perhaps a dandelion
poultice'd help.

Well, it's not
as bad as I thought.

I can bypass his
metabolic synthesizer

and still keep his voice
command analyzer functioning.

[Goose honking]

Maybe you could do
something about father

when you're finished.

I told you, I saw your father
in the castle.

I talked to him.

Are you certain?

He's about 12 stone and 5'9".

He may be a little
taller than that now.

Thomas, we have to thank you

for revealing
mordred's treachery.

Is there no way
we can repay you?

No, king. I'm just
glad to help out.

Gawain, we must be off
to inspect the castle defenses.

I'm worried about mordred's attack.
King...

I may be able to help out there.

Hmm.

Hang in there, hermes.

We'll have you up
and about in no time.

[Beeps]
Okay.

No hard feelings
about the joust, I hope?

You are so brave, hermes.

[Beeps]

Mm.

[Beeps]

Oh, don't worry.
He's resting comfortably.

Uh, Clarence, weren't you
supposed to

help hide the valuables?

So, uh...

How would you like

a personally conducted
tour of stardust?

Oh, I think not.

I got some lps in there
you probably haven't heard.

Um, fleetwood Mac,
rolling stones.

Thanks anyway.

Hey!

Why the hot-and-cold bit?

Didn't you say before the joust

that you felt...

Pangs?

Oh, Thomas.

I made an awful fool of myself.

I didn't know who
or what I was talking to.

I bared my heart to...

To your brother here.

And it turns out
that he's full of...

Wiggly things and smoke.

Look, Sandy, I'm just
as human as you are.

I've got a mother and a father.

He's an optometrist
in poughkeepsie.

I barely squeaked through
grover Cleveland high,

but I did get a masters
at slippery rock college,

and I lettered in baseball.

I took Mona shanks
to the senior prom.

Struck out there.

I've got a good job.
What more do you want?

I am just an average
American boy.

Don't you understand that?

No.

Oh, come on, father.

Maybe we can get
to see Merlin now.

[Honking]

Keep a sharp eye.

Fear not, sire.

We shall defend our castle,
whatever the cost may be.

We shall fight
on the beachheads.

We shall fight
on the landing grounds.

We shall fight in the courtyards
and in the halls.

We shall never surrender.

I'll be darned.
Well said, Winston.

In all probability,
they'll come from the north.

They'll come from the South.

Mordred will make a direct
assault on the gates

with battering rams
and superior forces.

Well, they'll have
to bridge the moat first,

and I think I have
the answer to that.

You do? Yes, sir.

See that hay cart down there?

[King Arthur] We can
all see the hay cart.

[Beeping]

[Man]
Run for your lives!

What wizardry
hast thou now, tom?

Well, king, this
is called a laser gun.

Hermes was supposed
to use it on other planets

for collecting rock samples.

See, you pull the trigger there.

And don't point it at anything
that you want to keep.

Well, a cart is a cart.

But let's how effective it is

against
the stone walls of Camelot.

Wait one second.

[Whispering]
S-five-three.

Okay.

Now? Okay.

Well, what do you think?

Well, I for one have always had

the highest regard for you, tom.

I remain, sire,
your most obedient servant.

Gawain, please.
Cease thy fawning prattle.

This is a very dangerous weapon.

Be careful it doesn't
fall into the wrong hands.

Oh, don't worry, king.
I keep it handy at all times.

Oaf...

It's going to be impossible
for mordred to take Camelot

with that American
and his magic candle.

Oaf kill.

No. Arthur would have
an immediate investigation.

There's more than one way
to skin a cat,

though it could get
pretty sticky.

Find that demented girl,

and tell her the magician will
see her in the lower chambers.

And I will take care
of the American.

Do you understand
what you are to do, oaf?

Now, you be nice to the magician

when he sees you.

And remember,
he's there to help.

[Goose honking]

Merlin is expecting us.

The first visit
is two gold coins

payable at time of treatment.

[Bell rings]

The magician will see you now.

Well, my dear,
what seems to be the matter?

Oh, I'm all right, sire.
It's father here.

Aah! Ah!

Let me go! Let me go!

Get rid of that cursed goose!

[Honking, yelling]

Don't eat it, you animal!

There'll be feathers
all over the place.

No! Put me down!

[Honking]

Where is she? I know not, sire.

I was just informed that
she would meet you here.

She wanted to hear
some of your... Lps?

Thanks.

[Whistling]

[Whistling]

Fiendishly clever, the American.

Who else would have
thought to hide it there?

But he did not reckon

with the clairvoyant powers
of the invincible Merlin.

Is it gonna make
that big noise again?

I hope not.

I had the cotton packed
too tightly last time.

That's why it exploded.

[Beeps]

He's trying to get thrust

to propel the craft
into the air.

Can't you see that?

Very good, hermes.

[Beeps]

Where's Sandy?

Now, you just forget about her.

I cooled my heels
for three hours waiting for her.

She and I are through.

You put her out
of your mind too.

[Beeps] That's not easy.

Ok, here goes.

[Buzzing]

Aah!

Hey!

I'm terribly sorry.

I hope you're as handy with that
dagger when mordred attacks.

That's okay.
I think I can fix it.

[Goose honks]

Hey, what have you got there?

It's a goose,
as anyone can plainly see.

It's a gander,
and no one can plainly see.

Where did you find him?

It was on the moat.

Then it flew up to the parapet.

He'll make a splendid supper.

No, he won't.

You keep him
in protective custody.

And, uh... Not that I care,

but where was the girl?

There was no girl about.
Just him.

But I did hear a woman scream
from yon wood. I saw her.

With oaf... Going towards
Merlin's chambers.

That quack!
[Honking]

King, I think we're in trouble.

[Dramatic music]

¶ ¶

you surely don't think you've
misplaced her under there?

The laser gun, it's gone!
Who would take it?

Merlin. He lured me out of here

by saying Sandy
would meet me at stardust.

Merlin and mordred?

Absolutely. They're in cahoots.

Where?

Partners. They're partners.

Where would he take her?

The seaside is awfully
nice this time of year.

Oh, gawain, please.
This is serious.

Mordred's camp, no doubt.

Well, we've got to do something.

Don't look at me.

No, no, this job
I'll take care of myself.

You're not going
after the wench?

The poor kid needs help.

I got it! King,
I need your armor.

Oh, really.

You keep forgetting
that you're a prisoner.

I do not go about lending
prisoners my armor.

The answer is no.

Well, then mordred will
reduce Camelot to dust.

Well... Perhaps
my workaday armor.

Nope, your Sunday
go-to-meetin' armor,

the shiniest you've got.

Page, fetch it.

[Whirring]

(Gawain) Sounds like
some monstrous cat.

[King Arthur] Like
none I've ever heard.

What has it coughed up now?

Yes, tom, it's a fine cart,
but where do the oxen go?

King, this is
a battery-powered lunar rover.

[Beeping, buzzing]

This is the soil sampler...

anyway, I'll explain
all that later.

Clarence, buff me up.

I can't understand all this fuss
over a mere slip of a girl.

I can find you
five girls more comely

and more cooperative
than that one.

Yes, but not as dingy.
Lower the drawbridge!

I say when the bridge
is to be lowered.

I told you that.

I'm sorry, king,
but I'm in a hurry.

Lower the bridge!

Hold the fort till I get back.

Alas, we won't see him again.

This passageway will give us
access to the castle.

At dawn you will
engage the defenders

until the drawbridge
can be lowered.

This passage,
won't it be defended?

It is my secret passage
beneath the moat.

The king has no knowledge of it,
and it is no concern of yours.

We'll do our best...

just have your men
present in force

when the portcullis is raised.

Enough to crush all resistance.

[Man]
Sire!

Sire, something
approaches the camp.

Something?

It has two eyes that
light up the night, sire.

And makes strange
breathing sounds.

Call out the guard!

It is the American.
He has taken the bait.

It's king Arthur himself!

No, it's tom trimble.

I've come for alisande.

Oh, tom, you shouldn't
have come here!

They plan to kill you.

And with your choice of weapons.

Get behind me. That will serve
little purpose, creature.

We have seen the awesome
power of the magic candle.

It will annihilate
you both in a flash.

Now, mordred, do the honors.

Any parting words, American?

Well, I'd like to speak
to Sandy for a second,

if it's okay.

Be brief. All right.

Sandy, in case I don't
pull this off,

I just want you to know
that I really groove on you.

And my idea of heaven

would be to split
a pizza and a six-pack

while watching the super bowl
on television.

Maybe smooch a little
at the half.

Well, what do you think?

Any news of father?

Didn't you hear me?
I just told you I loved you.

I'm not going all through
that again.

On the other hand,

if it's between you and oaf...

I'll take you.

Great. Pull down my visor
and get behind me.

Yes.

Fire at will, mordred!

[Yelling and commotion]

Mordred, cease before you
destroy your entire force.

He has bewitched it.

[Men yelling]

Stop them!

[Shouting]

Oaf, hold these two.

I'll settle with them later.

On! To the tunnel!

[Rooster crows]

6:00, and all's well!

[Wood creaking]

Come on.

Oaf! Oaf, look.

To eat.

You... Eat.

[Buzzing]

Oh!

Quick, sit on my lap.

I'll do no such thing!

Sit on my lap!

Better put your arm
around me... it's safer.

Are you taking me to your nest?

No. Camelot.

I hope it's got the same
landlord when we get there.

[Metal clangs]

Capture the gatehouse.

Ugh!

Look, sire, it's tom!

Aah!

[Screeching]

Aah! Ohh!

[Shouting]

[Shouting continues]

[King Arthur]
Well done!

Once more, the gatehouse!

Agh!
[Grunting]

Come on!

Stand to!

[Swords clanging]

[Mordred]
Lower the drawbridge!

Raise the portcullis!

[Shouting]

[Shouting continues]

Thank you, tom. Well done.

Thank you. Well done.

Never have so many
owed so much to one man.

What a nice thought.

[Sputtering]
Ha!

[Sputtering continues]

[Man]
Look out!

Sir brewer, stop those bowmen!

Oh, gawain.

I've told you before,

never turn your back
on the enemy.

It's quite dangerous.

And it's no way to be found
after the battle.

[Grunting]
Agh!

[Tom]
Clarence! Sandy!

The winch!
Come, Clarence, hurry!

Free the winch!

[Tom]
No, no!

No, no, no!

Okay, now lower me
down to the ledge.

We are to lower him
to the ledge.

Make them pay dearly
for every inch!

Hermes?

Activate all systems.

Fire rocket engines
one, two, and three.

[Screaming]

The American's wings
must be clipped

if we are to save the day.

[Engines throttle down]

Do not fear the contrivance!
It has no power.

[Tom] Engage left
vernier thruster.

Aah!

Activate all vernier thrusters

as your sensors
warn of approaching danger.

[Soldiers grunting,
swords clanging]

Aah!

Aah!

[Grunting]

Whoa! Whoa!

Take me back up to the ledge!

You're too heavy!

¶ Oh, say, can you see ¶

hermes, close the hatch.

Hold on, Clarence. Not so fast!

Destroy the American.
He is our Nemesis.

Hermes, set both
magnetic fields on "pulse."

[Humming]

[Screaming]

He must be destroyed.
Get him!

Get him, I say!

[Humming continues]

[Screaming continues]

A purse for the man
who finishes him.

Increase power,
both magnetic fields.

[Humming increases]

Clarence!
Is this getting heavier?

King said this armor
was solid gold.

It's not.

Mm!

I think he's in trouble.
What kind?

It's difficult to say,
but don't look, Sandy.

Aah!

Oh. Aah!

Hermes, cut the power!

Come on, father.

King, take 'em downtown
and book 'em.

Thank you, tom.
We owe you our kingdom.

Victory!

[Cheering]

Hooray! Hooray!

[Cheering continues]

Gee, I don't know what to say.

This is such
distinguished company.

King Arthur, sir Lancelot,
sir galahad...

Sir gawain. Sir gawain.

I will retire
this chair, Thomas.

And if ever you return,

your place at the round table
will be here.

Boy, they're never gonna
believe this at the cape.

Yes, they will!

Everybody, group up there
for the photograph.

The what?

Don't worry.
I'll show ya in a minute.

All right, now.
Bunch in, bunch in.

Sandy, you and your father
get over here.

Sir gawain, you go here.
King, you move...

Clarence, scrunch in
next to the king.

Put your arm around him, king.
Go on, go on, hurry up.

And everybody say "cheese."

[All]
Cheese?

Now, king, this is what
I mean by a photograph.

That's me!

Yeah. It's the whole gang.

Here, king.
Now, you take this.

When Merlin gets out,
it'll drive him bananas.

Bananas? Yep.

Uh, Sandy, could I talk
to you for just a second?

Well... I'm going now.

I wish I could take you with me.

So many things
I'd like to show you.

My old mg and my ten-speed.

Space Mountain,
the grand canyon.

That would be very nice.

But I just don't know
if you'd survive the trip.

You could age 1,000 years
before we even reentered.

I understand.

And thank you once again

for getting Merlin
to change my father back

into his old self.

Sure.

Would...

Would you give this
to hermes, please?

Sure.

Well... Bye.

Clarence, I want to thank you.

You helped change
the course of history.

Did I?

You certainly did.

Oh... Thank you, hermes.

This is a token
of our appreciation.

If it fails, will sir tom
be staying on with us?

If it fails, we have
a permanent place for him

in the main chapel.

Yes, but...
don't bother me, gawain.

I have important work to do.

It's from his Uncle Sam.

Really? How nice.

[Brief yankee doodle strains]

[Click, click]

Minus ten and counting.

[Click]
Nine, eight...

Let's see if we can get
this thing off the ground.

Five, four, three, two, one.

Ignition!
[Click]

[Screaming]

Blast off.

We have liftoff.

We did it!

[Cheers and applause]

From Sandy.

"Dear hermes,
I think you are sweet

"and I will always
remember you fondly.

"But there can never be
anything serious between us.

"I have given the matter
a lot of thought,

"and I like tom best.

"But it was not
an easy decision.

Alisande."

Ready?

I hope we're winding
the clock the right way.

Year 680.

Good man.

[Beep]
Robot.

[Honking]

We're traveling 29,000
Miles a second,

and somebody wants
us to move over?

Oh! So that's where
you've been lately.

Would you look at that.
"Father" laid an egg.

How could we have been so wrong?

Not bad for a goose
more than 100 years old.

You're right.

You're right!

He... she hasn't changed a bit!

Look at her feathers,
look at her eyes.

Don't you see?

That means that Sandy
wouldn't age either!

Hermes, right vernier
thruster, 180 degrees.

What on earth are you
going to do with her?

You mean, what am I gonna
do with her on earth?

Live happily ever after.

Isn't that what
you're supposed to do

in a situation like this?

The End

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