All language subtitles for Tacoma FD s01e06 Full Moon Fever.eg

[ Fire alarm beeping ]

[ Siren chirps ]

♪♪

Is it a heart attack?No, he's got a pulse.
He's good.

What the hell
happened here?

Oh, all right! Good morning.
There it is.

Is that a flashlight
on his dong?

He put his penis
where the batteries go?

Is's not a flashlight.
It's a fleshlight.

A sex toy.

Breezy Canyon model.

-Breezy Canyon the porn star.
-Wait,

there's a replica
of her vagina in there?

Yes. The celebrity
makes the mold,

they put it
in the fleshlight,

and that fella
mates with it.

Wait, but what happened,
Cap?

The fleshlight
knock him out,

or did something happen
afterwards?

And what's this all
on the walls?

♪♪

It's elementary, really.

It's dulce de leche.

You boil a can of condensed
milk, it turns into caramel.

Our friend here turned on the
stove, put the can in the water,

and he downed a cafe
boost-a-mente double espresso

to activate
the Ambi-snooze sex

he was about to throw into
Breezy Canyon.

What kind of sex?

You take Ambi-snooze
then caffeine,

then you fight through the
loginess for a monster orgasm.

Check his pockets.
-Whoa!

Most likely he miscalculated
the Ambi-snooze

to caffeine ratio,
and when it came time

to get cozy with Miss Breezy,
it was lights out.

When the water
on the stove evaporated,

the can kept cooking,

and then pow, splattered caramel
all over the walls.

Oh, don't eat that.

Mmm. So sweet.

He should be waking up
in three, two, one.

All: Whoa!

Hey, Cap,
what the hell?!

Man, you got mad
deductive skills, Cap.

Eh, what are you gonna do?

-Hey, sir, you okay?
-No judgment.

Get you unstuck,
all right?

Hey, hey, hey!
Hey, come here! Don't...

Weird.

Prepare yourselves.

It's a full moon out tonight.

Shit's about to get sticky.

[ Foreigner's
"Hot Blooded" plays ]

♪♪

♪ Well, I'm hot blooded

♪ Check it and see

♪ I got a fever of 103

♪ I'm hot blooded

♪♪

♪♪

All right, all right,
all right.

Happy full moon, everybody.

Hope you're ready
for a fun night

with the maniacal,
deranged, and disturbed.

Chief, it's a super
blue blood moon.

-What's that?
-Well, a blue moon

is the second
full moon in a month,

and a blood moon is a lunar
eclipse with a dark-red hue.

And a supermoon
is a full moon

with the moon's
closest orbit to Earth.

We got our own Neil Grassy Tyson
in the house.

Why?
'Cause I'm black?

It's just the only
scientist I know.

-Neil Armstrong, by the way.
-Oh.

Now, you see, the last time
that this super blue blood moon

hit was 1888, and that night,
Jack the Ripper struck.

Hmm.

Van Gogh cut off his ear,
and the Johnstown Flood

wiped out the entire town
of Johnstown, Pennsylvania.

So look the fuck out.

This full moon thing
is bullshit.Oh, is it?

It's always triple the calls
and they're all weird.

So tonight I've called
in reinforcements.

We're being joined
by Gene Ghoulib.

All: Ghooooooooul!

Ghoul.

I take it he's good?

He's a volunteer so he's free,
and he's a great guy.

Okay, stay safe tonight,
everybody.

[ Bell rings ]

♪♪

Hey, how are ya?

Volunteer firefighter Gene
Ghoulib reporting for duty.

You can call me Ghoul.

Okay. Ghoul.And you must Lucy.

Congratulations on being
the first woman at the station.

Where are the fellas?They're back there.

Yeah, you know,
just paving the way.

Well, actually, it was Jeanette
Woldseth who paved the way.

She was the first full-time
female firefighter

in Washington State
history.

Hired in 1977,
retired a captain in 2002.

What do you think
of that?

[ Chuckles ]
Well, aren't you woke AF?

Terry: There he is!
Ghouly!

How are ya, Chief?

Honored to be here.Good to have you.

-Ghoul!
-Hey!

How are ya, Captain?

Paramedic Smith,
good to see you guys.

You ready for some
full moon fever?

Ready as we'll ever be.

Which I'm guessing
is veryready.

[ Laughs hoarsely ]

[ Laugh continues ]

[ Alarm blaring ]

Man: Rescue 42 --
643, West Fuller.

Wheels up, Granny.
Let's go have some fun.

-Let's do it.
-Take it easy, Ghouly.

Can I join?No, they got it, they got it.
Stay here.

Hey, don't worry, there'll
be plenty to do tonight.

Full moon, probie.[ Alarm blaring ]

Engine 24 --
Kudlow Park, open burn.

Both: Ghooooul![ Laughs ]

City's saved now, buddy!
Ghouly!

Yeah! [ Laughs ]
Ow!

Hey, guys, remember, all open
burns must have a permit

in accordance with state
and federal regulations.

-You know it, Ghoul!
-You got it, Ghoul!

Lucy, no.
You stay with Ghoul.

Full moon fever!

The super blue
blood moon.

A blue moon is the second
full moon of the month.

And a blood moon, well,
that's just a lunar eclipse

with a slightly burnt
sienna hue.

You guys are all starting to
sound like astrologers

or something.
Astronomers.

Oh, yeah.
Or astrologers.

Hmm.
At least we know what's in our future.

[ Laughs hoarsely ]Wow.

Oh, I hate full-moon
nights, man.

What? Full-moon nights
are the best.

Second only
to The Purge.

You get the dumbest calls.
You know what?

You realize
nights like tonight,

the stupid people are
what keep you in business.

Well,
just keep an open mind.

Yes, people make stupid
mistakes,

but then we get
to help them.

That should
make you feel good.

Thanks, Dr. Phil.

Oh, you're welcome,
Granville.

And the key to maintaining
a healthy relationship

is communication.

Ah, I see.
And never stop fornicating.

[ Laughs ]

[ Knocking ]

Oh, thank goodness
you're here.

Hey! Anchorman
from "Tacoma Today."

Good evening,
I'm Chet Chisolm.

Come in, please, gentlemen.
Quickly, quickly.

Come in.

I did something.

And, well, uh...

It got stuck.

[ Sighs ] Oh, God.Whoa!
Wow, okay, okay.

All right, okay.

Is that...My wedding ring.

Yeah, you must really love
your wife.

Thinking about her
right now, huh?

I can't get it off.

Can you help me?
Help.

♪♪

Ah.

Creepy.
Right?

I don't see this open fire
anywhere.

This full-moon stuff
freaks me out, man.

It wasn't too long ago that a
girl was killed in these woods.

Please don't do that.

In fact, I don't even think
it was a girl.

It was two firefighters
just like us.

And they haven't found
the killer.

Can you not?
Just stop.

Oh.
Just don't, Andy.

[ Growling ]I asked you not to do it.
Just stop it, okay?

You think I'm a child?
You're not gonna scare me.

[ Thud ]

What was that?

I don't know.
I-I, uh...

What's going on?Something hit the truck.

Can you get out and check,
please?No, you check it out.

Andy, I'm driving.
I can't get out of the vehicle.

Can you get out
and check it out?I'm riding, I'm riding.

Why, are you scared?No.

[ Both scream ]

[ Telephone ringing ]

Station 24 -- this is
Firefighter McConky.

Yeah, it's always the fourth
Thursday in November.

Yeah, you betcha.
Have a nice evening.

Who calls a fire station to
find out when Thanksgiving is?

You know,
I got to tell you,

your phone etiquette
is top notch.

Yeah, thanks.
I guess it's part of the job.

Not really a job when you love
what you do, right?

It's technically not a job
when you're a volunteer.

Oh. [ Laughs ]

Yeah. Good one.
Now we're having a good time.

You seem a little upset.
What gives?

Okay, I'm the rookie.
I get it.

But I just thought this whole
full-moon night

would've brought me
a little more action.

Let me tell you something
about firemen.

On any given night, any given
day, they're always firemen.

Did you just
come up with that?

"Backdraft," 1991.

You know, Kurt Russell,
Robert De Niro,

Rebecca De Mornay,
Billy Baldwin,

Jennifer Jason Leigh,
Donald Sutherland.

It's a Ron Howard joint.

I've seen it 211 times.

It's a masterpiece.

I can recite the entire thing
front to back.

No, I've never seen it.

Ho-ho, there she goes.
That's a good one.

Yeah, no,
I've never seen it.

You're serious.
You've never seen "Backdraft."

Seriously.

You've never seen "Backdr--"
Okay.

Well, good thing
I have it on my phone.

Let's take a little break
and watch that movie.

Oh, hey, Chief,
I want to preface this

by saying
I would never complain

because I'm the rookie
andyour daughter,

but, um, I thought
you said tonight

was gonna be crazy
for all of us.

Yeah, it will be.But hold on.

And look, I do want this to
sound more sarcastic than whiny,

but I'm still mopping floors.

All right, well,
it sounds whiny,

but that's what probies do,
Lucy, okay?

Trust me, I've been doing this
a long time.

Just be ready.

-Ghoul!
-[ Chuckles ]

[ As Robert De Niro ] "Fire.
It's a living thing, Brian.

It breathes, it eats,
and it hates.

The only way to beat it
is to think like it.

Eh."
[ Chuckles ]

[ Normal voice ]
It's Robert De Niro.

That was a very good impression,
by the way.

"Backdraft,"
he's in the --

Is that
one of the actors?

♪♪

So...
how'd it happen?

Details are sketchy.

News at 11:00?No, no, no.

I'm embarrassed to say.Allow me.

[ Exhales sharply ]

♪♪

You got takeout
because your wife's away.

You got out of the shower
and you were

at the computer
twirling your wedding ring,

spinning it around
on different things --

pen, pretzel rod,
letter opener --

and that's when you said
to yourself, "Hmm.

I wonder if this fits."

And you slipped the ring
onto your penis.

But that's when you glanced over
at your computer

and you saw that picture
of Katie Couric.

Katie Couric's so hot.

Mm-hmm.
No, I get it, believe me.

I'm a Diane Sawyer guy,
but I get it.

But that is when
you became erect,

the blood got trapped
north of the ring,

the ring got stuck,
and boom, here we are.

That is
investigative prowess.

-Whoa, Cap.
-I think it's the full moon.

I probably should've gone
to the ER, but I --

I'm marginally famous.

So, the question is do we cut
off the ring or the penis?

The ring!
The ri-- ring.

All right.
Got the perfect thing for that.

Yeah.
No, no, no.

-That's aggressive.
-I got the thing.

This guy.Oh, wow,
that's for trees.

-You know what -- blowtorch.
-Granny, come on.

His genitalia will
definitely feel the sting.

Yes, genitalia will feel it.[ Ring clatters ]

-Hey-o!
-Hey!

Chet, I apologize about
the little back and forth.

We just wanted to take
your mind off of things.

Thank you, gentlemen.
Thank you.

Thank you both.
That -- Goodnight and good luck.

Whoa, there it was.
Do it again.

Goodnight and good luck.

-Ooh.
-[ Chuckles ] Every time, right?

-Goodnight and good luck.
-I love it.

Look,
it has an inscription.

No, no, I'm good,
I'm good.

[ Cheering ]

Ah, see?
This is weird, man.

This is weird.

Excuse me.

Tacoma Fire department.
We're gonna...

Stop stepping
on my hose!

Who the hell
are these people, man?

Is it truly necessary
to extinguish

the lunar flame of Quietus?

Are you in charge of the --

the scary dancing
and stuff here?

That is correct.

I am Tothar.
-Okay.

Uh, all right, Tolthar.

Um, so you can't have
an open flame out here, pal.

But this is
the sacrificial night.

We need all four elements

to properly honor
the super blue blood moon.

Well, we're gonna
have to take away

the element of fire,

but we'll leave you
with some water.

Dude, are you serious?

Yeah.
Water?

Yeah.We need all four elements.
I just said that.

-Sorry, man.
-Yeah.

You know,
just doing our job.

We're not jumping in the fire,
guys, come on.

-Aah!
-How you doing, ma'am?

-Aah!
-Hey, hey, hey!

What the hell, man?!

Why are your friends
biting?

Aah!

This kills, man.

That's why we wear
our gloves, buddy.

[ Chuckles mockingly ]
Really?

She broke the skin,
but it doesn't seem too bad,

so don't worry.

Honestly, man,
back in my day,

it was just flapjacks
and finger banging.

Now it's lunar sacrifice
and biting.

[ Chuckles ]

Why would she bite me?

♪♪

I was a medic
in the US Army.

You telling me
helping people

doesn't interest you
at all anymore?

This man is stuck
inside a thermos.

♪♪

Yeah, you're right.

It's stuck on there tight.

What's in the thermos?

I mean, my dick.

Thought that, but...

Uh, and some
pretty good soup.

Okay, I'm gonna tell you
how this happened.

This is good.
Watch this.

♪♪

You liked the soup so much,
you fucked it.

He gets me.

Whoa, man,
I've had good soup before,

but never enough
to fuck it.

No, no,
this isn't good soup.

This is greatsoup.

Minestrone --
champagne of soup.

Here's the thing, though --

Uh, my dick's starting to hurt,
and I got to take a piss.

You know, that might be
our best bet.

-What?
-Urinate.

In my dinner?

Dude, it's still warm.

You're not still planning
on eating that, are you?

Well, yeah.
Waste not, want not, right?

You know what?
That's admirable, but, uh,

I'm gonna need you
to relax and go

in one... two --

You know, counting
is actually not helping.

...three.

[ Tinkling ]Oh, that helped.

Ohh.

Simple physics,
really.

The space inside the thermos
is finite.

And when you add matter
to that space...

[ Thermos pops ]Oh!

[ Clatters ]

Oh, man, that worked!

You guys are awesome!

Uh, one thing.

I still got a soda can
in my ass, though.

What are we gonna do
about that one?

Dude.

I'm going to the truck.

♪♪

[ Phone ringing ]

Station 24.

Is it a beep or a chirp?

Yeah, well,
that's your battery.

Oh, uh,
you can get batteries

at any hardware store
or grocery store.

Or any store, really.

All right, you, too.
Have a nice evening.

[ Sighs ]

Wow, guys.

It is really crazy
in here.

Well, not really.

Just making some of my
famous five-alarm chili.

Are you sure
that's a good idea?

We could get called into action
at any moment.

Do I detect
a hint of sarcasm?

Not from me.

Is that where
that stuff belongs?

[ Groans ]

♪♪

Four-letter word
for English coin.

Ghoul?

Yen.

No, didn't fit.

Nickel.

No. No, not nickel.

Shilling?

Oh, yeah, shilling.
Good.

Did you get
the GPS working?

Uh, no.
There's no signal.

It's, uh --

I guess the full moon,
it's the gravitational pull.

The gravitational pull
of what?

The Internet?
[ Laughs ]

Blech!

Oh, man.
[ Chuckles ]

I feel like crap.

Ah, did you eat the pork
for dinner?

I'm so sweaty.
[ Chuckles nervously ]

I think it's this bite.

No, no, no. I cleaned it,
and then Granny

will take a look at it
when we get back.

Maybe it's the moon.

What?

Ohh, no.

You don't think
that girl was...

like, a werewolf,
do you?

[ Laughs ]

What if she's a werewolf,
Andy?

No way, man.I tell you,

I can --
I can hear everything.

It's like my senses
are heightened, you know?

I can hear the animals.[ Wolf howling ]

I can hear
their little heartbeats.

[ Sniffs ]

Come on, man, let's...Aah!

Andy, I think she was
a werewolf, man!

All right, cut it out, Ike.

Check my teeth.
Are -- Are they growing?

Andy, look!
Look at my teeth!Cut it out.

Come on, man.

Andy, look at my teeth!Cut it out!

I said cut it out!

So help me God, Cap,
if this is one more dick,

I'm gonna lose it.

Come on,
don't be re-dick-ulous.

Tacoma FD.

Man: Door's open!

Just go, yeah.

Oh, man,
it smells good in here.

Hey, full moon or not,
there's more to our jobs

than just getting
guys' dongs unstuck from --

Oh, come on.
Oh, come on!

I know, right?
I mean, this is crazy.

I feel exactly the same way
you gentlemen feel,

believe me.

Sir, your junk better not be
inside of that toaster.

That's okay 'cause
I unplugged it already.

Mmm-mmm!

You know,
Captain Stanky Stankiewicz

gave me
this chili recipe.

He said, "Make it hot.

That's how firefighters
live life!"

Sounds like "Backdraft."

You know what, it does.

Mmm.

[ Speaking Russian ]

Hey there, ma'am.
Can we help you?

[ Speaking Russian ]

I-I'm sorry, I don't --
I don't speak, uh...

I think she wants us to put
that car seat in her car.

Oh, we -- we --
we can't do that.

It's a liability issue.

You should know that,
by the way.

Nyet.
Nyet?

Nyet.

[ Speaking Russian ]

Nyet,baby seat. Nyet, nyet.

[ Speaking Russian ]

What's going on?

[ Speaking Russian ]

She wants us to install
a car seat.

[ Speaking loudly
in Russian ]

We don't do that.

[ Speaking loudly
in Russian ]

Liability issue!

[ Speaking loudly
in Russian ]

May I suggest
the police station?

[ Speaking loudly
in Russian ]

Come on, what's the big deal?
It's just a car seat.

We're not
doing anything today.

Fine.
Where's your car, ma'am?

Honda.

Honda, okay, great.

I'll help.

Not necessary.

Please let me
do something.

Okay, come on.

[ Speaking Russian ]

Here we are, ma'am.
Why don't you have a seat?

Here you go.

You know what?
How about some chili?

Here we go.
Mm-hmm.

Just like
the old country.

Ooh.
[ Speaking Russian ]

Yes.[ Speaking Russian ]

Both: One, two...

Three!
[ Grunts ]

[ Both grunting ]

Man: [ Groaning ]

Ohh!

I think it's caught
in the coils.

No shit.
Okay. One, two, three!

[ High-pitched scream ]

Ohh! Ohh! God!

Thank you.
Oh, thank you.

Yeah, anytime.

Nice crumbshot.[ Chuckles ]

Lock the door.

Oh, my hands
are stretching!

You know, like when
the Werewolf's hands stretch

right in front of his face
in that movie?!

It was a movie.

Yeah, that's what's happening
to me right now.

Right now, Andy!

[ Groans ]
And I am ravenous!

[ Laughs ]

And you know I never use
three-syllable words.

Just chill out.
Just chill out.

Okay.

No offense, Andy,

but you look delicious
right now.

Do I look juicy?

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

Marbleized?
[ Chuckles ]

♪♪

[ Exhales sharply ]

[ Inhales deeply ]

[ Exhales sharply ]

♪♪

[ Groans ]

[ Heart beating,
suspenseful music continues ]

[ Speaks indistinctly ]

You smell so good.

[ Speaks indistinctly ]

I'm definitely a wolf.

We have to go back
and find that girl

so I can find out
what's happening to me.

We don't need to find her.

If we don't go back
and find that girl,

I'm gonna eat you!

Okay, okay, okay,
we'll find her!

We'll find her!

Do you want me
to drive?!

It's easy.

You just find the clasps
and you hook them in.

There's nothing easy
about that.

Breathe in and out
of your face.

-[ Woman breathing shallowly ]
-I don't know what happened!

-Holy shit!
-Oh, my God.

One minute she was enjoying
my delicious chili,

and the next,
her water broke.

You fed your five-alarm chili
to a pregnant woman?

Hey,
it's really good chili.

Ohh!
Oh, no, my chili!

[ Woman screams ]All right, here we go,
here we go, here we go.

Lucy: Take deep breaths,
deep breaths.

Just push.

Ghoul, put that fire out.

Should we call
an ambulance?

No, no,
I can see the head.

This baby's coming.

We're gonna deliver it.

♪♪

Dispatch:
Rescue 42 -- Summit Park.

Male missing an appendage.

Rescue 42 en route.

You like my French accent?

Super blue blood moon!

[ Groans ]
Man, just take me home.

Just take me home.

Oh, come on,
it's a missing appendage.

It's not gonna be
another dick.

No,
it's gonna be a dick.

The night we're having,

we're gonna walk right
into a damn peen-ectomy.

How you doing, friend?

I lost my toe.

[ Laughs ] Yes.

Yes, it's a toe.

It's a toe, dude.

I'm glad somebody happy
about it.

Granny, not cool.

Sorry. I --

How'd it happen?

I got it caught
in my bicycle spokes.

Didn't your mama
ever tell you

not to ride your bike
without your shoes on?

I like my sandals.

All right, well, let's see
if we can get you bandaged up,

and then we'll get you
to the ER, all right?

We can get that reattached.
Now, where's the toe?

Went flying off that way.
I hope you find it,

'cause I lost one
on the other foot in Vietnam.

I served
in Afghanistan.

Well, it look like
you still serving.

He sure is, sir.
He sure is.

Would you find that toe,
please?

I can.

♪♪

[ Growling ]

Ike? Ike?

Andy, Andy!
You better go.

I'm not responsible
for what I do when I turn!

Just go. Run.

You have
to save yourself.

What?
Run, Andy!

Run! Run!

Whoa, he looks like
he's tripping.

Where's the girl?
Oh, boy.

Where's the girl?!

Shauna is, uh --

Oh, she's there.
That's Shauna.

Oh, she took red
pelican ecstasy, though.

She might bite again.

It's an intense roll.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah,
she bit him and --

Wow, that must've been
some powerful stuff

if it got into his system.

Thank goodness.

I really thought he was gonna
turn into a wolf.

That's LARP, man.
What?

LARP --
Live Action Role-play.

It's what we do here.

Hey, you look cool.
Give me your e-mail.

I'll put you
on the next blast.

I'm good, man.

Andy, Andy.

Shauna, Kenneth,
and Starboy

want to go to the zoo
for a little bit,

and I told them
that you could drive us.

Are you cool to drive?

Uh, yeah, I guess.

He said yes!
He said yes!

Yes!

[ Laughs ]

Wow. [ Laughs ]

Okay.

[ Both laugh ]

Guys,
we're going to the zoo!

[ Grunts, groans ]

How long
will this last for?

About six hours.
Yipes.

Come on, you guys!

♪♪

Ohh!

Terry: All right, here we go,
here we go, here we go.

Ghoul, get the fire
extinguisher!

I don't know where
anything is here!

Oh, my God,
is that the head?

Oh, that's very bloody.

[ Crash ]

Oh, my God!

All right, listen,
you're gonna deliver this baby.

I'm gonna
put the fire out. What?!

When she pushes, just gently
guide it out, okay?

Don't pull, guide.Don't -- Don't pull.

Yeah.
Guide.

[ Screaming ]Okay.

All right, sweetheart,
we got this.

It's gonna be okay.
You're doing great.

Just push. Push.

Push.All right, breathe.

[ Screams ]
Okay. Yes.

I see -- I see the head.

You're almost there.
Just push.

Here she comes.
Here she comes!

Here comes the baby!

Push.
Oh, my gosh!

It's a beautiful girl.[ Laughs ]

Impressive, probie.

[Speaking Russian]

Oh, my gosh.
[ Grunting ]

Ano-- Another one?

[ Screaming ]

She's -- She's --
Twins?

Uh-huh.Okay.

Pretty boring night,
huh, probie?

Full moons
are not bullshit.

♪♪

Man, it's like trying to find
a toe in a haystack.

♪♪

Hey, yo, Cap, why don't you use
that Sherlock Holmes stuff

that you was doing earlier?

Not working.
I can't see anything.

Flashlight's broken.

[ Laughs ]
'Cause it's not a flashlight.

It's my Breezy Canyon.

♪♪

What? I was curious.

Lucy: I got to tell you guys,

being at the station
was way more epic tonight.

Looking for a toe's
definitely a step down

from delivering twins
and putting out fires.

And fighting off
werewolves.

Hey, where is Ike, anyway?

He's still in the ER.

I tried to return him
into the wild,

but he developed a real taste
for civilization.

I'll tell you one thing,
Cap,

I learned a real
life lesson tonight.

Yeah, what's that?That there is nothing,

I mean nothing
more gratifying

than the look
in a man's eyes

when you free his junk
from captivity.

[ Laughs ]
Guys are ridiculous.

I mean, what night do we get
all the calls about women

sticking stuff
in their hoo-hahs?

-My birthday.
-Oh, hey!

I found something.

No, no, no, no.
I got it, I got it.

Look at this.

-That's a toe.
-Oh, yeah.

-Oh, yeah, that's a toe.
-Oh, well, what is --

Oh, my God,
that's a dick!

[ All screaming ]

[ Wolf howling ]

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