Original subtitles

Oh, do we always have to go all-out for 4th of July?

Honey, you know it's your dad's favorite holiday.

It's not even fun. He's so boring with all these fun facts he says all the time.

Trust me. I know. I get bored too.

But, I have a feeling this 4th of July is going to be a little different.

Okay, if you say so.

Yeah, really crazy.

And did you know what else? This is so fascinating.

I did not. Tell me.

If the pilgrims, when they landed at Plymouth Rock

had shot bobcat instead of turkey, we'd all be eating pussy for Thanksgiving.

Ain't that crazy?

Wow, honey. That's fascinating.

I know, right?

Yes. Just amazing facts.

Oh wow, that must be Brad.

Who's Brad? Who's Brad?

Brad is your step-brother.

Is that him? Ooh, he's cute.

Mm-hmm.

Behave.

I swear I won't bite... too hard.

Well, you know my new wife here, and this is her daughter.

Oh. Hi. I'm Jennifer.

Nice to meet you. I've heard so much.

I'm Brad. Nice to meet you.

Good to see you again, Brad.

Good to see you too. How are you?

I'll be here.

So, tell me, Brad. What's your favorite part of 4th of July?

I don't know. I just love the food, I love the American flags.

What about the fireworks?

I love fireworks.

I love creating fireworks.

Yeah?

Mm-hmm.

(meat sizzling)

Do you like my outfit?

I do, yeah. It's pretty nice.

Your dad didn't really say anything, but that's okay.

As long as you appreciate it.

(Brad stammering)

I really like this bandana look on you.

I'm just trying to, you know, have a good time.

Oh, I like this. I like this 4th of July reunion. It's so nice.

I thought you were going to behave yourself.

Ooh. Oh, my god. It's so big.

Your dad's isn't this big.

(laughter)

Oh, that looks delightful.

Here, let's give your balls some air too.

(laughter)

Do you like the way my daughter does that?

Yeah.

How do you like your burgers done?

Well-done.

Brad, how about you?

Yeah, the same.

How about you, sweetpea?

Uh, well-done.

You okay, honey?

Yes, honey. I'm just waiting on those burgers.

Alright, they're coming, nice and hot.

That way you're keeping the farmers in the United States employed.

Yeah, I like your American beef right in my mouth.

People always like to get that Japanese beef.

You know, gold old American beef, that's what I say.

It stays together on the grill, right?

Yeah. Hey dad, can you make sure you put ketchup and mustard on mine?

No problem. But, you know, Jen, it's like I was saying before. You got to get American beef.

So, tell me about these fireworks you got planned for us.

Oh well, I got some of those fake ones. You know, the little streamers that pop up.

You know, you pull the string, and boy, it pops.

But, anyways, I digress.

Honey, can I just tell you that that hat brings out the color in your eyes?

Oh, thank you.

(whistling)

It really does. Brings out the color in your beautiful eyes.

I know. It sounds like you're making yummy noises over there.

Yep, it's me being hungry. We're all hungry.

Okay.

Hungry for more.

You sure you don't need any weenie?

Oh, I need some weenie.

Okay. I mean, just kidding. I want hamburgers. You know what I want.

Okay, well you know, we got weenies.

But, he put refried beans in a California roll. How could you do that?

Oh yeah, you can't do that, I don't think so.

No, it's wrong.

I mean, I've never had sushi, but I'm sure you can't put beans into sushi.

No, you can't.

No, not at all.

Isn't it a beautiful day, Brad?

Oh yeah, pops, it's a great day.

God, it's fantastic. It's so beautiful out.

Oh yes, it's been raining.

Pickles?

Yeah, I just have a thing for pickles.

Yes.

Yes, that's my New Year's Resolution after 4th of July.

I was going to say. Yeah, I have to eat --

-- Ginger's areolas. Look at it now.

Do you hear that? It sounds like woodpeckers.

You know what? I think the neighbors are having construction.

Oh, is that it?

Mm-hmm. Yeah, you know they wanted to remodel their bathroom?

Psst. Psst. Hey.

(whistling)

Why don't you come up here and tell your dad how good he's doing over here?

Tell him exactly what you want on your burgers.

Okay.

Or burger.

How you doing, princess?

I'm doing great. How are you, dad?

Are you having a good holiday?

Yeah.

It's a slam bang holiday, isn't it?

So nice we could all get together as a family here today, you know?

Yeah, for sure. I mean, god, the burgers look great, by the way.

Oh well, then, you're very kind.

You guys said you wanted them well-done. They're starting to look like hockey pucks.

I don't know if we should eat these or donate them to the L.A. Kings.

A-ha!

I don't like anything to go to waste. I'll eat it.

Honey, you are so sweet, but I wouldn't do that to you.

Listen, like I said before, I'll take everybody out for sushi, okay?

Really?

Yeah, let's go.

That sounds awesome.

I love sushi. For a 4th of July celebration?

Oh, listen, those people --

Not exactly American pie.

Well, he was a nice gentleman, a nice young gentleman.

He was?

Mm-hmm. Oh, okay.

Pretty sure you just got to fudge around with the knobs over there.

Okay.

(humming)

(heavy breathing)

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

That's what I call real fireworks.

There. I got it fixed.

You got -- you got it fixed?

See, you got to do it yourself.

Right. Right, dad. You can't depend on anybody el -- Where are the girls?

Umm, they went to the bathroom because you said we were going out for sushi, right?

Bathroom?

Yeah, yeah, we're going to go to sushi. So, yeah, they went to the bathroom.

So, listen, Brad, now that we've got alone here. I need to talk to you.

You know, your finances are getting out of order. I'm just going to have to cut you off --

Uhh, dad, can we talk about this later?

What the fuck?

Uhh, happy 4th of July?

Hi, dad.

Happy 4th.