Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,992 --> 00:00:07,992
If the world
In which you're living
2
00:00:07,992 --> 00:00:10,192
Gets a bit too much to bear
3
00:00:10,192 --> 00:00:13,992
And you need someone to lean on
4
00:00:13,992 --> 00:00:15,992
When you look there's no-one there
5
00:00:15,992 --> 00:00:19,192
You're gonna find me
6
00:00:19,192 --> 00:00:21,992
Out in the country
7
00:00:21,992 --> 00:00:24,992
Yeah, you're gonna find me
8
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:27,512
THUNDER RUMBLES
Way out in the country.
9
00:00:27,512 --> 00:00:28,992
SHEEP BLEATS
10
00:00:36,381 --> 00:00:37,421
HE SIGHS
11
00:00:37,421 --> 00:00:39,381
Thanks.
What's the matter?
12
00:00:39,381 --> 00:00:41,381
Oh, it's this stupid company
in Middlesbrough.
13
00:00:41,381 --> 00:00:43,581
They're still not happy
with their website.
14
00:00:43,581 --> 00:00:45,381
"Can it be exciting and dynamic?"
15
00:00:45,381 --> 00:00:46,381
"No, cos you sell stairlifts.
16
00:00:46,381 --> 00:00:49,381
"If you want exciting and dynamic,
stick a rocket on them."
17
00:00:49,381 --> 00:00:51,741
Have you ever thought about
working for social services?
18
00:00:51,741 --> 00:00:54,381
I mean, their customers
aren't interested in websites.
19
00:00:54,381 --> 00:00:55,741
They don't do online shopping.
20
00:00:55,741 --> 00:00:58,381
They like the personal touch
where they can go into a showroom
21
00:00:58,381 --> 00:01:00,381
and bang on about
their grandchildren.
22
00:01:00,381 --> 00:01:02,381
I think you should take a break.
You've been at it all day.
23
00:01:02,381 --> 00:01:04,381
You need to switch off for a bit.
24
00:01:04,381 --> 00:01:07,381
Watch some cats playing piano
on YouTube or something.
25
00:01:17,381 --> 00:01:20,381
CAT PLAYS: 'Nocturne op.9 No.2'
by Frederic Chopin
26
00:01:23,381 --> 00:01:24,381
HE CHUCKLES
27
00:01:25,381 --> 00:01:27,381
HE LAUGHS
28
00:01:27,381 --> 00:01:28,381
KNOCKING ON WINDOW
29
00:01:28,381 --> 00:01:29,381
BOTH: Coo-eee!
30
00:01:33,221 --> 00:01:35,381
I bet he told you he was working.
31
00:01:35,381 --> 00:01:37,901
He was watching pussycats,
wasn't he?
32
00:01:37,901 --> 00:01:39,381
Oh, Steve...
33
00:01:39,381 --> 00:01:42,381
And the cat was playing the piano.
Who's cat is it?
34
00:01:42,381 --> 00:01:44,061
How the hell should I know?!
35
00:01:45,381 --> 00:01:47,061
Sorry, er...
36
00:01:47,061 --> 00:01:48,741
It was a cat on YouTube.
37
00:01:49,904 --> 00:01:51,664
Why don't you two
go and play outside?
38
00:01:52,584 --> 00:01:56,064
Anyway, the reason we came round,
you know the fundraising week?
39
00:01:56,064 --> 00:01:58,064
To buy a defibrillator
for the village hall.
40
00:01:58,064 --> 00:02:00,064
Everyone's doing their bit.
41
00:02:00,064 --> 00:02:02,064
So we thought,
"Why not challenge Nicky and Steve
42
00:02:02,064 --> 00:02:04,064
"to a charity dine-off?"
43
00:02:04,064 --> 00:02:06,064
You mean like Come Dine With Me?
Sort of.
44
00:02:06,064 --> 00:02:09,064
I've made a few improvements.
It'll be great fun.
45
00:02:09,064 --> 00:02:11,064
We each host a dinner party.
46
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:13,064
At the end of the meal, the guests
decide how much it was worth
47
00:02:13,064 --> 00:02:15,064
and donate that amount
to the fundraiser.
48
00:02:15,064 --> 00:02:18,064
What, so the winner is the one
whose dinner raises the most money?
49
00:02:18,064 --> 00:02:21,264
Well, it's not really about winning.
I mean, the village is the winner.
50
00:02:22,104 --> 00:02:25,064
But there will be a winner, yeah.
51
00:02:28,904 --> 00:02:31,064
I know, Dad, but it's for everyone.
52
00:02:31,064 --> 00:02:34,064
That's the whole point
of an emergency defibrillator.
53
00:02:34,064 --> 00:02:37,064
You can't put a sign on it saying,
"Not for use on Ralph Norris."
54
00:02:38,064 --> 00:02:40,064
All right, yeah.
55
00:02:40,064 --> 00:02:41,264
Bye, then.
56
00:02:41,264 --> 00:02:43,064
How's it going?
Yeah. All done.
57
00:02:43,064 --> 00:02:44,064
See?
58
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:46,104
I was right.
You just needed a break.
59
00:02:46,104 --> 00:02:48,064
Chaperone Stairlifts finally settled
60
00:02:48,064 --> 00:02:52,064
for an exciting and dynamic
background tone of beige.
61
00:02:52,064 --> 00:02:54,064
After all that?
Yeah, still.
62
00:02:54,064 --> 00:02:56,064
At least it's finished.
Good.
63
00:02:56,064 --> 00:02:59,064
In that case,
you can help me dad tomorrow.
64
00:02:59,064 --> 00:03:01,064
Help your dad, doing what?
65
00:03:01,064 --> 00:03:03,424
He's just laying a path
in his garden
66
00:03:03,424 --> 00:03:06,064
and needs a hand lifting
a few concrete slabs.Oh, great!
67
00:03:06,064 --> 00:03:09,064
Oh, it'll only take half an hour.
He's worried about his back.
68
00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:12,064
Yeah, but not mine, obviously. It'll
do you good, a bit of exercise.
69
00:03:12,064 --> 00:03:15,064
Work up an appetite
for these dinner parties.
70
00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:17,064
Oh, yeah, I can't wait.
71
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:20,064
An intimate evening with those two
quinoa-eating toss pots.
72
00:03:26,501 --> 00:03:29,501
It's five past.
I thought we said ten o'clock.
73
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:31,501
Are you paying him by the hour,
then?
74
00:03:31,501 --> 00:03:34,501
Right, come on, Mr Universe,
let's get those slabs lifted.
75
00:03:36,021 --> 00:03:37,501
You'll be wanting these.
76
00:03:38,501 --> 00:03:40,021
Great, thanks.
77
00:03:40,021 --> 00:03:42,501
Right, I'm going to nip to the shop.
I'll be back in a bit.
78
00:03:42,501 --> 00:03:43,501
Don't work him too hard.
79
00:03:43,501 --> 00:03:45,501
I don't think he has that setting.
80
00:03:50,370 --> 00:03:52,330
Morning!
81
00:03:54,330 --> 00:03:56,330
MAN: Yeah, we'll have two cases
of them.
82
00:03:57,330 --> 00:03:59,330
Oh, hang on, I'll check.
83
00:03:59,330 --> 00:04:01,330
Shannon!
84
00:04:01,330 --> 00:04:03,330
Do we need any more bleach?
85
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:04,530
You what?
86
00:04:04,530 --> 00:04:08,330
Do we need to order more bleach?
87
00:04:08,330 --> 00:04:10,010
I'll have a look.
88
00:04:12,694 --> 00:04:13,694
Have we got any bleach?
89
00:04:16,069 --> 00:04:17,069
Erm...
90
00:04:17,069 --> 00:04:19,069
It should be on t'bottom shelf.
91
00:04:20,069 --> 00:04:21,909
Next to t'lemonade.
92
00:04:27,913 --> 00:04:29,913
I said,
"They're not the Elgin Marbles.
93
00:04:29,913 --> 00:04:33,913
"I'll give you 30 quid for the lot."
No, that is a good price, Ken.
94
00:04:33,913 --> 00:04:36,913
It might be quicker
if you did two at a time.
95
00:04:37,429 --> 00:04:40,429
Yeah, they are pretty heavy,
actually.
96
00:04:41,079 --> 00:04:44,599
So, Nicky tells me you've arranged
a charity dinner party.
97
00:04:44,599 --> 00:04:47,119
Well, we thought we might as well
show willing.
98
00:04:47,119 --> 00:04:49,759
It is for the village, after all.
99
00:04:49,759 --> 00:04:51,079
Sounds like a daft idea to me.
100
00:04:51,079 --> 00:04:56,079
So, are you doing anything, Ken, you
know, for the fundraising week? Me?
101
00:04:56,079 --> 00:04:58,079
I'm cycling round France.
Are you?
102
00:04:58,079 --> 00:05:00,079
Then I'm doing a triathlon.
103
00:05:00,079 --> 00:05:03,079
After that, a parachute jump.
Right.
104
00:05:03,079 --> 00:05:04,079
No, we had a whip-round
at the darts.
105
00:05:04,079 --> 00:05:07,079
Stan passed his hat around,
raised 24 quid.
106
00:05:07,079 --> 00:05:10,079
Now all we've got to do
is get the Brylcreem off it.
107
00:05:11,079 --> 00:05:13,079
Careful, they're not cheap, those.
108
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,760
You've got four packets.
109
00:05:16,760 --> 00:05:18,400
Four custard powder!
110
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,400
What about gravy granules?
111
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,400
What about...?
You've got three.
112
00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,400
Can I just pay for these?
Three gravy granules!
113
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,400
?2.40.
114
00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:32,400
Will you sponsor us?
It's for a defibrillator.
115
00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:35,400
We're doing a sponsored drive.
Oh, where are you going?
116
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:36,920
Me sister's in Bradford.
117
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:39,400
Don't you go there
most weekends anyway?
118
00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:40,400
Yeah.
119
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:42,400
Got to do our bit, in't we?
120
00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,400
Oh, absolutely.
121
00:05:44,782 --> 00:05:46,782
Me and Steve,
we're doing a charity dine-off.
122
00:05:46,782 --> 00:05:48,782
You know, like Come Dine With Me.
123
00:05:48,782 --> 00:05:50,782
What are you doing
for entertainment?
124
00:05:50,782 --> 00:05:52,782
Oh, we hadn't really
thought about it.
125
00:05:52,782 --> 00:05:54,782
You need entertainment
or they'll mark you down.
126
00:05:54,782 --> 00:05:57,782
Slag you off in t'taxi
on t'way home.
127
00:06:03,225 --> 00:06:05,545
Magic Malcolm?
He's Shannon's cousin.
128
00:06:05,545 --> 00:06:08,545
Oh, great, someone who's learnt
card tricks in prison.
129
00:06:08,545 --> 00:06:09,545
I couldn't say no. It was either him
130
00:06:09,545 --> 00:06:11,545
or Shannon was offering
to come and do karaoke.
131
00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:13,545
How much is he charging?
25 quid.
132
00:06:13,545 --> 00:06:14,545
Ooph...
I know.
133
00:06:14,545 --> 00:06:16,545
But think of it as 25 quid
134
00:06:16,545 --> 00:06:18,545
to not watch Shannon
screeching Simply The Best.
135
00:06:18,545 --> 00:06:22,225
Let's hope he's good. Maybe he can
make Matt and Meena disappear. Hm.
136
00:06:23,264 --> 00:06:24,304
Is that Grizzo?
137
00:06:24,304 --> 00:06:27,264
It looks like he's taken up
horse riding.
138
00:06:27,264 --> 00:06:28,304
Bit sedate for him,
I'd have thought.
139
00:06:33,264 --> 00:06:35,264
CAMEL HONKS
140
00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:36,624
Oh, my mistake.
141
00:06:38,264 --> 00:06:40,264
Ha-hey!
Nicky, Steve, are you all right?
142
00:06:40,264 --> 00:06:42,264
Where did you get that?
What, this?
143
00:06:42,264 --> 00:06:45,264
Versace, I think.
I meant the camel.
144
00:06:45,264 --> 00:06:46,264
Oh! Right, yeah.
145
00:06:46,264 --> 00:06:49,264
What it was, I've started
this new dairy-free thing
146
00:06:49,264 --> 00:06:50,264
cos it helps you concentrate.
147
00:06:50,264 --> 00:06:52,264
The thing is,
I've got to have milk in my tea.
148
00:06:52,264 --> 00:06:55,104
So a mate says,
"Why not try camel milk?"
149
00:06:55,104 --> 00:06:56,264
I thought,
"I might as well give it a go."
150
00:06:56,264 --> 00:06:58,944
It turns out there's a geezer
in Cornwall selling them.
151
00:06:58,944 --> 00:07:01,264
So I borrowed a horse transporter,
drove through the night,
152
00:07:01,264 --> 00:07:03,264
come back the next day
with this beauty.
153
00:07:03,264 --> 00:07:04,784
Can't you just buy camel milk?
154
00:07:04,784 --> 00:07:05,944
Er...
155
00:07:05,944 --> 00:07:07,264
That's a good point, actually.
156
00:07:07,264 --> 00:07:09,264
Yeah, I might look into that.
Cheers.
157
00:07:09,264 --> 00:07:11,264
Anyway, see you.
158
00:07:11,690 --> 00:07:12,690
Hup! Hup! Hup!
159
00:07:19,690 --> 00:07:22,690
We just have to remember it's
for a good cause.Is it, though?
160
00:07:22,690 --> 00:07:25,690
A defibrillator? A nice big heart
attack is my way out of this place.
161
00:07:25,690 --> 00:07:29,210
Oh, lovely.Maybe I could get
a "do not resuscitate" badge.
162
00:07:29,210 --> 00:07:31,990
You should say a few words at
the unveiling. It'd be quite moving.
163
00:07:32,023 --> 00:07:35,383
Anyway, there you go.
One vegetarian shepherd's pie.
164
00:07:35,383 --> 00:07:37,023
It looks all right.
165
00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:39,023
Bit of a stupid name,
though, isn't it?
166
00:07:39,023 --> 00:07:41,023
I mean,
why even mention the shepherd?
167
00:07:41,023 --> 00:07:43,023
The important thing is
we remembered the vegetarians.
168
00:07:43,023 --> 00:07:45,703
I wouldn't mind,
but when we go round to their place,
169
00:07:45,703 --> 00:07:49,023
by rights, they should have to cook
meat. That's my dietary requirement.
170
00:07:49,023 --> 00:07:51,703
I like meat. So, please, cook some.
You sound like my dad.
171
00:07:51,703 --> 00:07:54,023
He actually once said that vegans
shouldn't be allowed to drive
172
00:07:54,023 --> 00:07:56,023
cos they might faint at the wheel.
173
00:07:56,136 --> 00:07:57,136
Well...
174
00:07:58,707 --> 00:08:01,747
How are the starters coming on?
The home-made mushroom tartlets?
175
00:08:01,747 --> 00:08:04,707
The packet was a bit tricky to open,
but I'm pleased with them.
176
00:08:04,707 --> 00:08:07,707
Thank God for the superstore,
even if it is a two-hour drive.
177
00:08:07,707 --> 00:08:09,707
I mean, why do we have to go
to all this trouble?
178
00:08:09,707 --> 00:08:11,707
Why not just give the money
to the fundraising week?
179
00:08:11,707 --> 00:08:14,707
Because that would be missing the
whole point of a charity dine-off.
180
00:08:14,707 --> 00:08:17,707
Making Matt look better than us.
Yeah...
181
00:08:20,707 --> 00:08:23,707
Mm, that smells yummy.
182
00:08:23,707 --> 00:08:25,387
So, who's looking after...?
183
00:08:26,816 --> 00:08:28,816
Silas and Pips.
Yeah, them.
184
00:08:28,816 --> 00:08:31,816
My sister's doing the honours.
She's great with kids.
185
00:08:31,816 --> 00:08:34,816
Taught them how to make paper
last time.How do you make paper?
186
00:08:34,816 --> 00:08:36,816
It's really easy.
You just get some scrap paper.
187
00:08:36,816 --> 00:08:38,816
You tear it into pieces.
Soak it in some water.
188
00:08:38,816 --> 00:08:40,816
Pulp it with a pestle and mortar.
Add starch.
189
00:08:40,816 --> 00:08:42,816
Pour it into a frame.
Press it. Dry it.
190
00:08:42,816 --> 00:08:44,816
Voila.
There's your paper.
191
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:47,016
But didn't you start off with paper?
192
00:08:48,816 --> 00:08:50,816
Anyway, the kids loved it.
193
00:08:50,816 --> 00:08:52,816
This is lovely.
194
00:08:53,816 --> 00:08:55,816
Mm...
Is it all right?
195
00:08:55,816 --> 00:08:57,336
Yeah, it's...fine.
196
00:08:58,816 --> 00:09:00,336
It could have been
a tad colder, but...
197
00:09:00,336 --> 00:09:03,816
Well, I'll put it back
in the fridge. Probably a good idea.
198
00:09:03,816 --> 00:09:04,816
DOORBELL RINGS
199
00:09:04,816 --> 00:09:06,816
Mm, that'll be the entertainment.
200
00:09:06,816 --> 00:09:09,816
See?
Mm, you were right.
201
00:09:09,816 --> 00:09:12,116
Matt said you wouldn't remember
to provide entertainment.
202
00:09:12,168 --> 00:09:14,168
I underestimated you.
203
00:09:14,168 --> 00:09:17,368
Well, I think you'll find there's
a bit of magic in the air tonight.
204
00:09:20,848 --> 00:09:23,168
Bronson, what are you doing here?
Me mum sent me.
205
00:09:23,168 --> 00:09:25,168
Where's Magic Malcolm?
He can't make it.
206
00:09:25,168 --> 00:09:28,168
Sick or summat.
So, I'm here instead.
207
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:31,168
That's very nice of you.
But you can't do magic.
208
00:09:31,168 --> 00:09:33,008
Yeah, I can. I'll show you.
209
00:09:33,848 --> 00:09:36,168
Go on, then.
Well, let us in, then.
210
00:09:40,168 --> 00:09:42,368
Erm, that one.
211
00:09:42,368 --> 00:09:44,168
This one?
212
00:09:44,168 --> 00:09:46,168
Oh, unlucky.
213
00:09:46,168 --> 00:09:48,168
Look, it's here.
That is amazing!
214
00:09:48,168 --> 00:09:49,168
Well done!
215
00:09:49,168 --> 00:09:51,368
Right, let's make it
more interesting. Your turn.
216
00:09:51,449 --> 00:09:53,449
Now, watch carefully...
217
00:09:57,199 --> 00:09:59,559
Do you know where it is?
Yes.
218
00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:02,199
Right, put a pound down. If you're
right, I'll double your money.
219
00:10:06,832 --> 00:10:07,832
That one.
Sure?
220
00:10:07,832 --> 00:10:08,832
Yep.
221
00:10:11,832 --> 00:10:12,872
Fair play.
222
00:10:12,872 --> 00:10:14,832
There you go.
223
00:10:14,832 --> 00:10:15,832
Well done, Matt.
224
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:17,832
Steve, your turn.
225
00:10:17,832 --> 00:10:19,032
Right, here's the ball.
226
00:10:19,032 --> 00:10:20,832
Under it goes.
227
00:10:20,832 --> 00:10:22,832
Now, watch carefully...
228
00:10:22,832 --> 00:10:24,672
Keep your eyes on the prize.
229
00:10:25,832 --> 00:10:27,832
Now, where is it?
It's there.
230
00:10:27,832 --> 00:10:29,832
Are you sure?
Yeah.
231
00:10:29,832 --> 00:10:31,832
You're not going
to change your mind?No.
232
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:32,832
It's under that one.
233
00:10:33,832 --> 00:10:35,832
Hey?
234
00:10:37,832 --> 00:10:39,832
Nicky.
No, I want another go.
235
00:10:39,832 --> 00:10:40,832
Steve!
236
00:10:40,832 --> 00:10:43,032
It's all right,
I know how he's doing it.
237
00:10:43,032 --> 00:10:44,832
OK.
238
00:10:50,075 --> 00:10:52,075
Come on, Steve, make your mind up.
239
00:10:52,075 --> 00:10:54,075
I'm trying to concentrate.
240
00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:56,607
It's that one.
Sure?
241
00:10:56,661 --> 00:10:57,741
Yeah.
242
00:10:57,754 --> 00:10:58,754
I really think it's this one.
243
00:10:58,754 --> 00:11:01,754
I saw him put the ball under it and
move it across.Well, we all saw it.
244
00:11:01,754 --> 00:11:04,754
It's a trick. If it was that easy,
you'd get it right every time.
245
00:11:04,754 --> 00:11:05,754
I did.
246
00:11:05,754 --> 00:11:07,754
So, which one is it, then?
It's that one.
247
00:11:08,754 --> 00:11:11,754
You're not going
to change your mind?No.
248
00:11:12,754 --> 00:11:13,754
Oh, that is bad luck.
249
00:11:13,754 --> 00:11:15,754
She did say...
250
00:11:15,754 --> 00:11:18,594
All right, I'll tell you what...
251
00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:19,954
Steve, that's enough.
Thanks, Bronson.
252
00:11:19,954 --> 00:11:22,754
Well done.
You were brilliant.
253
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:25,754
So...
254
00:11:25,887 --> 00:11:28,287
You've got my fee, then?
Well, no, you've got it.
255
00:11:29,087 --> 00:11:30,887
It's 25 quid. Me mum said.
256
00:11:30,887 --> 00:11:32,887
Right...
257
00:11:39,247 --> 00:11:42,407
So, before we reveal
how much your meal was worth...
258
00:11:43,887 --> 00:11:45,887
..I do have some feedback.
259
00:11:45,887 --> 00:11:48,407
We've had a lovely evening.
Thank you.
260
00:11:48,407 --> 00:11:49,887
Oh, glad you did.
261
00:11:49,887 --> 00:11:53,887
However, we do have
one or two little notes.
262
00:11:53,887 --> 00:11:57,887
Remember, it's meant as constructive
criticism. It's all part of the fun.
263
00:11:57,887 --> 00:12:00,887
So, leaving aside Prosecco Gate.
264
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,887
Er, the starter...
265
00:12:02,887 --> 00:12:04,727
Those mushroom tartlets
were delicious.
266
00:12:04,727 --> 00:12:05,887
Thanks.
267
00:12:05,887 --> 00:12:08,887
But...home-made?
268
00:12:09,731 --> 00:12:11,731
Yeah. I saw Nicky make them.
269
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:15,551
And I saw the packaging
in the bin.Sorry.
270
00:12:16,075 --> 00:12:18,555
Well, I didn't mean home-made.
271
00:12:18,555 --> 00:12:21,075
I meant home-heated-up.
272
00:12:21,075 --> 00:12:22,555
Mm...
273
00:12:22,555 --> 00:12:24,555
Er, the main course...
274
00:12:24,555 --> 00:12:26,595
Oh, that was definitely home-made.
I don't doubt it.
275
00:12:27,555 --> 00:12:29,555
One word...
276
00:12:29,555 --> 00:12:30,555
Seasoning.
277
00:12:30,555 --> 00:12:33,555
The chocolate mousse was very nice.
278
00:12:33,555 --> 00:12:35,555
Once I found it
underneath all that cream.
279
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,555
You managed to eat it all,
though, didn't you?
280
00:12:37,555 --> 00:12:39,555
Shall we just move on
to the marking?
281
00:12:39,555 --> 00:12:42,555
There was one thing
you did excel at.
282
00:12:42,555 --> 00:12:44,075
We loved your entertainment.
283
00:12:44,075 --> 00:12:45,915
I really enjoyed that.
284
00:12:45,915 --> 00:12:47,555
Did you?
285
00:12:47,962 --> 00:12:49,962
So, all in all,
286
00:12:49,962 --> 00:12:53,962
we say your dinner was worth...
287
00:12:56,642 --> 00:12:58,002
..?12.50.
288
00:12:58,002 --> 00:13:00,962
HE SCOFFS
That's still good.
289
00:13:00,962 --> 00:13:04,962
Well, let's hope that Meena and I
can raise a bit more than that
290
00:13:04,962 --> 00:13:06,962
when it's our turn, eh?
291
00:13:17,021 --> 00:13:19,821
Morning, Ken.
Right, let's get this done, then.
292
00:13:19,821 --> 00:13:21,821
It's just picking up
a few bags of gravel.
293
00:13:21,821 --> 00:13:23,821
So, is this for the path, then?
294
00:13:23,821 --> 00:13:25,821
No, I'm going to sprinkle it
on me cornflakes.
295
00:13:26,576 --> 00:13:29,576
So, how did that dinner party go
the other night?
296
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:32,576
Yeah, it went pretty well.
Well, how much money did you raise?
297
00:13:32,576 --> 00:13:34,576
We won't know until we've been
to Matt and Meena's
298
00:13:34,576 --> 00:13:37,936
for the return match.
We're going tonight, actually.
299
00:13:37,936 --> 00:13:41,576
Hello, who's this?
Oh, that's Grizzo on his camel.
300
00:13:41,576 --> 00:13:43,576
On his what?
301
00:13:43,576 --> 00:13:45,936
He's got a camel. You watch.
Are you feeling all right?
302
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:50,060
25 quid says he's on a camel.
You're on.
303
00:13:52,060 --> 00:13:53,740
HORSE SNORTS
304
00:13:56,060 --> 00:13:58,060
Dear, oh, dear...
305
00:14:02,060 --> 00:14:03,060
Oh...
306
00:14:03,060 --> 00:14:05,660
Seriously, those bags of gravel
are heavier than they look.
307
00:14:05,662 --> 00:14:07,702
I think I might...
Steve, we're not cancelling.
308
00:14:07,755 --> 00:14:10,435
Oh, God, do we have to go? It's
going to be the worst evening ever.
309
00:14:10,435 --> 00:14:12,915
Oh, two words - Brian and Keith.
310
00:14:12,915 --> 00:14:14,915
Ah, since we left Leeds.
311
00:14:14,915 --> 00:14:17,915
Three hours they spent banging on
about their new washing machine.
312
00:14:17,915 --> 00:14:20,615
And you remember that fun game
they made us play after dinner?
313
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,880
Guess Our Favourite 20
Department Stores. Exactly!
314
00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:25,520
And that wasn't even for charity.
315
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:28,520
If we can survive that,
we can survive Matt and Meena.
316
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:31,520
Just go with the flow and, before
you know it, it'll all be over.
317
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:33,520
You make it sound like
a trip to Dignitas.
318
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,360
It won't be that much fun.
319
00:14:37,666 --> 00:14:42,666
There we go, two nice glasses
of CHILLED Prosecco.
320
00:14:42,666 --> 00:14:44,666
Would you like one of these?
321
00:14:44,666 --> 00:14:46,666
Hey?
Viola flowers.
322
00:14:46,666 --> 00:14:48,666
From our garden.
They're edible.
323
00:14:48,666 --> 00:14:51,346
Oh, we'll be the judge of that.
324
00:14:51,346 --> 00:14:54,866
That's what we're here for,
after all.They are very moreish.
325
00:14:55,912 --> 00:14:57,392
Yummy.
326
00:14:57,392 --> 00:14:59,392
Have you told them?
327
00:14:59,392 --> 00:15:01,392
Oh, yes, we've got some very special
entertainment lined up,
328
00:15:01,392 --> 00:15:04,392
haven't we, Pips?
We're going to do a puppet show.
329
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:17,822
And the two pigs were very sad
330
00:15:17,822 --> 00:15:19,822
because Snatchy
had taken their toys.
331
00:15:20,581 --> 00:15:22,941
Oh, lovely!
Yeah, that's great.
332
00:15:22,941 --> 00:15:26,581
And the next day,
Snatchy went to see someone else.
333
00:15:26,581 --> 00:15:29,581
Hello, Snatchy,
I'm reading my book.
334
00:15:29,581 --> 00:15:31,581
Er, no, it's the cat next.
335
00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:35,887
You've done the pig.
Which one shall we do?
336
00:15:35,887 --> 00:15:38,867
We chose the last one.
All right, just do the dog.
337
00:15:40,367 --> 00:15:43,367
What are you doing, Snatchy?
I'm reading my book.
338
00:15:43,367 --> 00:15:46,887
But you haven't got a book.
Yes, I have.
339
00:15:46,887 --> 00:15:51,367
Because I'm Snatchy the crocodile,
and I take what I want.
340
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:54,367
They wrote it all by themselves.
Did they?
341
00:15:54,367 --> 00:15:58,367
And the next day,
Snatchy went to see Molly the cat.
342
00:16:02,844 --> 00:16:06,644
..he saw that he had made
all his friends sad.
343
00:16:06,644 --> 00:16:08,644
You can say that again.
344
00:16:08,644 --> 00:16:10,644
And so Snatchy said sorry.
345
00:16:10,644 --> 00:16:11,644
Sorry!
346
00:16:11,644 --> 00:16:12,844
The end.
347
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:20,644
Half an hour of pure gold.
348
00:16:20,644 --> 00:16:21,644
Bravo!
349
00:16:21,644 --> 00:16:24,004
More!
350
00:16:24,004 --> 00:16:26,644
Oh, no, I think, actually,
someone's coming.
351
00:16:26,644 --> 00:16:29,004
Ah...
We've got a little surprise for you.
352
00:16:29,004 --> 00:16:30,644
Come through to the kitchen.
353
00:16:31,684 --> 00:16:33,644
Give me your wallet.
354
00:16:33,644 --> 00:16:35,644
In case it's Bronson.
355
00:16:38,449 --> 00:16:40,449
Meena and I
were talking about it afterwards
356
00:16:40,449 --> 00:16:43,449
and one of the things we felt
was lacking at your dinner...
357
00:16:44,449 --> 00:16:47,649
..was the right mix of guests.
Yeah.With you on that.
358
00:16:47,649 --> 00:16:51,449
So, we put our thinking caps on
and...
359
00:16:52,449 --> 00:16:53,449
Ta-da!
360
00:16:55,137 --> 00:16:56,137
Brian!
Keith!
361
00:16:56,137 --> 00:16:58,137
Hello!
How do you...?
362
00:16:58,137 --> 00:17:00,137
We met them
at your house-warming party.
363
00:17:00,137 --> 00:17:02,137
We thought it'd be lovely
for you two to spend the evening
364
00:17:02,137 --> 00:17:04,657
catching up with old friends.
Sorry we're late.
365
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:07,137
There was a tailback
just outside Helmsley.
366
00:17:07,137 --> 00:17:10,137
I said, "Use the satnav."
But Brian's old school.
367
00:17:10,137 --> 00:17:13,137
I prefer maps.To be fair,
he found a very good route.
368
00:17:13,137 --> 00:17:15,137
B1257.
369
00:17:20,137 --> 00:17:23,137
BRIAN AND KEITH LAUGH
370
00:17:23,137 --> 00:17:24,137
Mm...!
371
00:17:24,137 --> 00:17:25,657
Cauliflower steak...
372
00:17:25,657 --> 00:17:28,137
It's one of Meena's specialities.
It's delicious.
373
00:17:28,137 --> 00:17:31,137
I didn't think you could top
the risotto, but you have.
374
00:17:31,137 --> 00:17:33,137
Cauliflower steak...
375
00:17:33,137 --> 00:17:36,137
You just slice up a cauliflower
and bake in the oven.
376
00:17:36,137 --> 00:17:39,137
It's all in the seasoning.When
vegetables can be this delicious,
377
00:17:39,137 --> 00:17:42,137
I honestly don't understand
why anyone would eat meat.
378
00:17:42,137 --> 00:17:45,137
Do you eat meat, Steve?
When I can.
379
00:17:45,137 --> 00:17:47,137
Can we do our puppet show again?
380
00:17:47,137 --> 00:17:49,137
Oh, great idea.
381
00:17:49,137 --> 00:17:51,137
How about after dinner?
BOTH: Yay!
382
00:17:53,137 --> 00:17:56,137
So, how's the gardening work going,Nicky?
Slowly but surely.
383
00:17:56,137 --> 00:17:59,137
We're still relying
on Steve's web design business.
384
00:17:59,137 --> 00:18:02,137
Oh, dear, better stop watching cats
playing piano on the Internet, then.
385
00:18:03,497 --> 00:18:06,977
So, Keith and I were wondering,
how did you two meet?
386
00:18:06,977 --> 00:18:09,137
That is a long story.
387
00:18:09,137 --> 00:18:12,137
Now, in 1995,
I was living in Chepstow.
388
00:18:12,137 --> 00:18:14,817
Although he was working
in Gloucester.
389
00:18:14,817 --> 00:18:17,137
Funnily enough, Meena was...
390
00:18:21,012 --> 00:18:23,332
Oh, close!
391
00:18:23,332 --> 00:18:24,332
And they're no longer in business.
392
00:18:24,332 --> 00:18:26,332
Yes, but it's not
British Home stores.
393
00:18:26,332 --> 00:18:27,332
Comet.
394
00:18:27,332 --> 00:18:28,932
Oh!
395
00:18:28,957 --> 00:18:31,757
That's not really
a department store.Army & Navy.
396
00:18:31,793 --> 00:18:33,793
Yes!
Well done!
397
00:18:33,793 --> 00:18:34,793
You've got all 20.
398
00:18:34,793 --> 00:18:37,153
Great! Anyway...
Oh, yes, now for the fun part.
399
00:18:37,153 --> 00:18:38,793
Meena, got the clipboard?
400
00:18:38,793 --> 00:18:40,633
There you go.
401
00:18:40,633 --> 00:18:41,793
Thanks.
402
00:18:41,793 --> 00:18:43,553
Be gentle with us.
No, no, be honest.
403
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,360
Constructive criticism,
that's what we're after.
404
00:18:46,360 --> 00:18:48,360
Can we not just decide on the amount
and then...?
405
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:51,360
No, go and compare notes, come back
and let us know how we've done.
406
00:18:51,360 --> 00:18:52,860
I honestly don't think
I could fault it.Me neither.
407
00:18:52,860 --> 00:18:54,360
It's been superb.
408
00:18:56,102 --> 00:18:58,442
This has been great, hasn't it?
409
00:18:58,431 --> 00:19:00,591
Yeah, I've really enjoyed it.
410
00:19:00,591 --> 00:19:02,591
I'd say it's been "superb".
411
00:19:02,591 --> 00:19:05,111
Yeah, I was going to say "superb".
412
00:19:05,111 --> 00:19:06,591
Right, you get started.
413
00:19:06,591 --> 00:19:08,591
I'll go and review
the toilet facilities.
414
00:19:08,591 --> 00:19:10,591
Oh, I'll get started all right...
415
00:19:22,130 --> 00:19:25,170
They make their own soap.
What is wrong with them?
416
00:19:25,170 --> 00:19:27,170
RAUCOUS LAUGHTER FROM NEXT ROOM
How's it going?
417
00:19:27,170 --> 00:19:29,130
Shut the door.
418
00:19:31,130 --> 00:19:33,130
How does this sound?
419
00:19:33,341 --> 00:19:36,861
"I can honestly say that tonight
has been utterly hellish.
420
00:19:37,059 --> 00:19:38,539
"I would rather eat my way through
421
00:19:38,539 --> 00:19:40,539
"a bin bag of putrefied
hospital waste..."
422
00:19:40,539 --> 00:19:41,539
Give me that.
423
00:19:44,219 --> 00:19:46,539
Can you do that
with a defibrillator?
424
00:19:46,539 --> 00:19:48,539
I'd happily watch Matt try.
SHE CHUCKLES
425
00:19:48,539 --> 00:19:50,539
I'll do the real one, shall I?
426
00:19:50,539 --> 00:19:52,539
Yes, please.
427
00:19:55,539 --> 00:19:56,539
LAUGHTER
428
00:19:56,539 --> 00:19:58,539
It was hilarious!
Poor Steve!
429
00:19:58,539 --> 00:20:01,539
Bronson took him to the cleaners.
He kept saying, "Do it again."
430
00:20:03,539 --> 00:20:05,219
And he kept getting it wrong.
431
00:20:05,219 --> 00:20:07,539
He must have lost at least ?30.
That much?!
432
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:12,539
He couldn't have looked more of a
mug if you'd filled him with cocoa.
433
00:20:16,539 --> 00:20:18,539
That is so funny!
434
00:20:20,539 --> 00:20:21,539
Can we do our puppet show now?
435
00:20:21,539 --> 00:20:24,539
See if Nicky and Steve
have finished with their comments.
436
00:20:24,539 --> 00:20:25,539
LAUGHTER
437
00:20:25,539 --> 00:20:27,739
I don't know what they're
laughing about. Oh, who cares?
438
00:20:27,739 --> 00:20:29,539
Let's just get this over with.
439
00:20:29,539 --> 00:20:32,059
Snatchy wants to know
if you've finished.
440
00:20:32,059 --> 00:20:33,539
Not quite.
Yes, you have!
441
00:20:33,539 --> 00:20:36,539
No! Snatchy, come...
442
00:20:41,438 --> 00:20:43,438
The jury's verdict is in.
That's not quite ready.
443
00:20:43,438 --> 00:20:45,438
First impressions,
that's all we're after.
444
00:20:45,438 --> 00:20:47,438
Honestly, I wouldn't read that.
It's fine.
445
00:20:47,438 --> 00:20:49,438
We just want to know
what you thought of our evening.
446
00:20:49,438 --> 00:20:51,438
No, you don't.
Come on, then.Let's hear it.
447
00:20:51,438 --> 00:20:53,438
Read it! Read it!
448
00:20:53,438 --> 00:20:56,438
ALL: Read it! Read it!
Read it! Read it!
449
00:20:58,316 --> 00:21:03,316
"I can honestly say that tonight
has been utterly...hellish.
450
00:21:04,316 --> 00:21:06,996
"I would rather
eat my way through..."
451
00:21:08,316 --> 00:21:11,316
I'm not even going to read the next
bit.Yeah, look, we were...
452
00:21:11,316 --> 00:21:13,316
"As for the food presentation..."
453
00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:17,316
Well, let's just say there's mention
of a Labrador and a pavement.
454
00:21:17,316 --> 00:21:20,156
That's uncalled for, Steve.
455
00:21:20,156 --> 00:21:22,316
"Moving on to the surprise guests...
456
00:21:22,316 --> 00:21:25,676
"There are two reasons
why we left Leeds.
457
00:21:25,676 --> 00:21:28,316
"They are called Brian and Keith."
458
00:21:28,316 --> 00:21:30,316
HE GASPS
459
00:21:30,316 --> 00:21:32,316
And then there's something about
a defibrillator
460
00:21:32,316 --> 00:21:34,836
that I also won't read.
Matt, Steve was only...
461
00:21:34,836 --> 00:21:36,316
"Oh, and another thing,
462
00:21:36,316 --> 00:21:40,316
"you can call it steak all you like,
veggie bum,
463
00:21:40,316 --> 00:21:43,316
"but it's still cauliflower."
464
00:21:47,316 --> 00:21:49,316
Shall we just call it a draw?
465
00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:00,316
When the world
In which you're living
466
00:22:00,316 --> 00:22:03,316
Gets a bit too much to bear
467
00:22:03,316 --> 00:22:05,996
And you need someone to lean on
468
00:22:05,996 --> 00:22:08,316
When you look
There's no-one there
469
00:22:08,316 --> 00:22:11,316
You're gonna find me
470
00:22:11,316 --> 00:22:14,316
Out in the country
471
00:22:14,316 --> 00:22:17,316
Yeah, you're gonna find me
472
00:22:17,316 --> 00:22:19,316
Way out in the country.
473
00:22:19,316 --> 00:22:20,836
SHEEP BLEATS
474
00:22:20,886 --> 00:22:25,436
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35703
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
