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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,960
Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba
2
00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:06,160
Ba-ba-ba-ba
3
00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:09,000
When the world in which
you're living
4
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:12,000
Gets a bit too much to bear
5
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:14,960
And you need someone to lean on
6
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:17,960
When you look,
there's no-one there
7
00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:22,960
You're gonna find me
out in the country
8
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:26,960
Yeah, you're gonna find me
9
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,480
Way out in the country...
10
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,640
SHEEP BLEATING
11
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:36,960
So, who put that tarpaulin up?
12
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,960
Like I said,
it was the last builder we had.
13
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,960
He put it up
and we didn't see him again.
14
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:42,960
He didn't finish the job, then?
15
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,800
What do you think?
All right.
16
00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,960
Just trying to establish the facts.
Sorry.
17
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,480
It's just we've had real problems
finding a good builder.
18
00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:52,960
OK.
19
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:55,960
So, I take it
you want the chimney rebuilt?
20
00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:57,640
No, we thought we'd leave it
21
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:58,960
as a pile of bricks
in the living room (!)
22
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:01,640
Look, I want to help.
But if you're gonna be sarcastic...
23
00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:03,960
Sorry, sorry. I apologise.
24
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:05,960
It's just been very frustrating.
25
00:01:05,960 --> 00:01:07,960
Can we start again?
26
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,960
Aye. Course we can.
27
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:14,960
So, what caused it to collapse?
Were it subsidence?
28
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:17,960
No. A rock star hovered over it
in his helicopter.
29
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,960
Right. You've had your chance.
30
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Well, it's true.
31
00:01:20,960 --> 00:01:22,960
I've got better things to do
with my time.
32
00:01:22,960 --> 00:01:24,960
But that's what happened.
Thank you. Good day.
33
00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:28,160
That went well.
34
00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:34,960
Oh, come on, Grizzo.
35
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:35,960
Straight to voicemail again.
36
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:37,960
What do you want him to do,
come over with a ladder
37
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:39,960
and fix it himself?
Well, yeah, if need be.
38
00:01:39,960 --> 00:01:42,960
He can't just write out a cheque
and think that's the end of it,
39
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:43,960
he knocked half
our bloody house down.
40
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,480
Might as well have got Miley Cyrus
round with her wrecking ball.
41
00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:47,960
Oh, is that another hole?
42
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:51,960
We've definitely got moths.
At least someone likes living here.
43
00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:53,960
Cooee!
44
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,960
Oh, God. It's Matt and Meena
with their home-knitted children.
45
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,480
Try to be nice.
46
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:02,960
What, still?
It's only a hole in the roof.
47
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:04,960
It's a bit more than that.
Why don't you get up there
48
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:06,960
and fix it yourself?
That's what Matt did
49
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,960
when our shed roof was leaking.
Matt's ever so good with roofs.
50
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:10,960
Maybe you'd like to fix ours.
51
00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:13,000
We'll pay you good money.
Ha.
52
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,960
We actually would.
Oh, you're serious?
53
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,960
Oh, no, thank you.
54
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,960
Anyway, we thought you might like
some runner beans.So I see.
55
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:22,960
Runner beans are good for you.
56
00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:26,480
Not as nice as jelly beans, though.
We don't like sweets.
57
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,960
No, of course not.
58
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:32,320
So, they're all yours.
We probably don't need that many.
59
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:34,960
Well, you can freeze them.
Yes, just top and tail them.
60
00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:35,960
String them.Blanch them.
Refresh them.
61
00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:37,960
Bag them up.
Pop in the freezer.
62
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:38,960
It really is that easy.
63
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:41,160
It's very kind of you.That's how
it works in the countryside.
64
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,480
If you've got a surplus,
give it to your neighbours.
65
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:46,960
Well, if you need any rubble...
Ha-ha.
66
00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:48,960
By the way, are you gonna do
anything with those crab apples?
67
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,960
You know, the little round things
growing in your tree?
68
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,960
Yeah, we know what crab apples are.
We'll probably leave them to rot.
69
00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:56,960
You can't eat them, they're sour.
BOTH LAUGH
70
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:59,960
Listen to the townie. Have you never
heard of crab apple jelly?
71
00:02:59,960 --> 00:03:00,960
We were hoping to make some.
72
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:03,960
Sure. Pick some on your way out.
73
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,960
Why can't they get their own
crab apples,
74
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,960
instead of coming round here
and pinching ours?
75
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,960
How do you make crab apple jelly,
anyway? You don't.
76
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,160
Not if you've got any sense.
77
00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:22,960
Well, I do hope
he gets the recipe right
78
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:24,960
and doesn't end up with chronic
stomach pain.
79
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,160
SHE CHUCKLES
80
00:03:26,160 --> 00:03:28,960
What are you doing?
I thought you got it going?
81
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:30,960
Well, I did, for about ten seconds.
Then it conked out again.
82
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,960
So we've got to walk all the way to
Grizzo's? Fresh air will do us good.
83
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,000
SIGHS
84
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,960
Get enough of that in the house.
85
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,960
What are these lot up to?
Community payback.
86
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,960
Did you lock the front door?
HE LAUGHS
87
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,960
Oh, no, it's Bronson.
Oh, God.
88
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,960
Did we lock the front door?
89
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:53,960
Hi, Bronson.
All right, Steve, Nicky.
90
00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,960
Keeping you busy, then, are they?
Community service.
91
00:03:56,960 --> 00:03:59,960
Got done for nicking some acrow
props. Sold them for scrap, like.
92
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,960
We know. It was our house you stole
them from. Oh, yeah, that's right.
93
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,960
'Ey, sorry about that.
94
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,960
Only it did cause our chimney
to collapse.
95
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,960
To be fair, that weren't down to me,
that were the helicopter.
96
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,960
Well, the helicopter and the fact
that there were no acrow props
97
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,960
to support the chimney.
98
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,960
Oh, yeah. I see what you're saying.
99
00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:19,960
Oh, God, here comes fatso.
Right, come on, Bronson,
100
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:20,960
back to work, mate.
101
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,000
What's his problem?
102
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:26,960
What are your new mates like?
They're not new mates.
103
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,960
I went to school with them.
One of them's my cousin.
104
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,960
Kyle, ciggy?
105
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:31,960
Right.
106
00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,960
That's their house there.
107
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:43,480
'Let your mind relax.
108
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,160
'Leave it to the universe.
109
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,800
'Only this moment in time exists.
110
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,800
'Imagine your thoughts
floating free,
111
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,960
'away from the everyday concern...'
112
00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:56,960
I mean, obviously it goes on a bit,
but you get the idea.
113
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,960
Mindfulness.
I definitely recommend it.
114
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,960
It's a bit like Buddhism, only you
can still eat sausages and stuff.
115
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:04,160
Right.
116
00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:06,320
Anyway, how's the building work
going?
117
00:05:06,320 --> 00:05:08,480
Well, actually, that's why
we're here, Grizzo.
118
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,000
We can't find a builder.
What about Martin,
119
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,960
the guy I told you about.
Did you ring him?
120
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,960
The one building a beach house
in the Bahamas for Simon Cowell?
121
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,960
Yeah, strangely enough,
he never got back to us.
122
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:18,960
That's weird.
I know. Bizarre, isn't it?
123
00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,960
So, any other suggestions?
124
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:23,960
Er... Ooh, let me have a think.
125
00:05:23,960 --> 00:05:25,960
How we gonna sort this?
126
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:26,960
Er...
127
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,960
I know, I've got it.
Here's what you do.
128
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:31,960
Leave it to the universe.
129
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,960
Well, that was worthwhile (!)
130
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,480
He means well.
131
00:05:37,480 --> 00:05:39,960
So does Tess Daly,
why don't we go and see her next?
132
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,960
Well, in case the universe
doesn't fix it,
133
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,960
I'm gonna put a notice in the shop.
134
00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:45,960
'Wanted - builder who can fix cars.'
135
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,960
Ooh, takeaway.
136
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:54,960
Where did you get that?
137
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,960
Leeds.
Oh, have you been to Leeds today?
138
00:05:57,960 --> 00:05:59,480
No.
139
00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:01,960
Went last month. Froze it.
140
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:05,960
Oh, right.
Stir-fry chicken with pineapple.
141
00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,960
Do you want some?
Oh, no, you're all right, thanks.
142
00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:10,480
Erm...
143
00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:11,960
Can I put this in the window?
144
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:16,960
?10.
I remember. ?5 a month after that.
145
00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:17,960
Six.
Sorry?
146
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:20,960
?6. Brexit.
147
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:21,960
Oh, right.
148
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,960
Oh. I've lost a ?10 note.
149
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,960
I don't suppose I could, er,
owe you, could...
150
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:31,960
No. OK.
151
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:33,960
You don't happen to know
any builders, do you?
152
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:36,960
Gareth!
153
00:06:36,960 --> 00:06:39,160
Do we know any builders?
154
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:40,960
You what?!
155
00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,960
Do we know any builders?
156
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:46,960
There's my nephew Kyle.
157
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,960
He's working with Bronson
at the moment.
158
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,960
Still at it, then?
159
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:02,960
Got to fill two bags before
Humpty Dumpty will let us go.
160
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,960
Well, perhaps you should
just keep... Yeah, would do.
161
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,640
Only there's not enough litter
round here.
162
00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:12,960
Maybe you should go more that way,
up by the main road.
163
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,960
Not allowed.
164
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:15,960
Health and safety.
Right.
165
00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:18,960
You missed a bit there.
166
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:19,960
So, er...
167
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,960
maybe you should...
168
00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:24,960
OK, I'll just...
169
00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,800
Stick it in't bag, if you want.
170
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,480
Actually, I think I might
hold on to this.
171
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:38,960
Honest John?
172
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:40,960
I've already spoken to him
on the phone,
173
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,960
and he actually sounds all right.
I thought you had a builder.
174
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,960
Yeah, so did we.
But there was a misunderstanding
175
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:46,960
and he left.
176
00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,000
So where did you get this?
177
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,960
I just picked it up.
Where?
178
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:53,960
When I was out and about.
179
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,960
What, did someone give it to you?
No, I...
180
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:59,480
If you must know,
I found it in a hedge.
181
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:00,960
I see.
182
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:02,960
We might as well give him a try,
Dad.
183
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,800
It's not as if we've got
a queue of builders
184
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:05,960
waiting to give us a quote.
185
00:08:05,960 --> 00:08:07,960
I'm just saying,
the last person I trust
186
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,960
is someone who calls himself
Honest John.
187
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,960
It's just a trade name. I mean,
I could call myself Sexy Ken.
188
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:14,960
That doesn't mean I...
Eugh, Dad, please.
189
00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,960
Anyway, he's coming out tomorrow. He
sounds really keen to do the work,
190
00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:22,160
so let's all try and sound positive
for a change.
191
00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:23,960
Hm.
192
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,960
Is that a moth hole in your jumper?
193
00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:44,960
Blimey, it's Honest John.
194
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,960
Honest punctual John.
195
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:51,960
Morning.
Morning.
196
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,960
Morning.
Has one of you lost a tenner?
197
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,960
Only I found this.
Oh, thanks.
198
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:57,960
You said you'd lost one.
It was down by your wall.
199
00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:00,960
I noticed you've got a wild orchid,
an early purple.
200
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,960
I bent down to have a look at it,
and there's this ?10 note
201
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:03,960
staring back at me.
202
00:09:03,960 --> 00:09:06,960
Thank you.
Oh, don't thank me, it's your money.
203
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,960
Right, let's have a look
at this roof, shall we?
204
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:10,800
I'm sure I'll be able
to get you sorted.
205
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:11,960
Brilliant.
206
00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:14,960
Oh, what a wonderful place.
207
00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:15,960
You must really love it here.
208
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:20,960
MOUTHS
209
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,960
This is a very reasonable quote.
210
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,960
And that includes materials?
211
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,480
Yes. I'll let you see
all the bills as I go along.
212
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:33,960
Honesty is the best policy.
213
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,960
Anyway, I expect you'll need time
to think about it, you know,
214
00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,960
get some other quotes...
Oh, there's no need.
215
00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,960
We've already done that.
The job's yours.
216
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:43,960
Definitely. When can you start?
Erm, well, probably start tomorrow,
217
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:44,960
if you like?
Brilliant.
218
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,640
Great.
Right.
219
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:47,960
Any other questions?
220
00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:50,960
Erm...
No.
221
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:51,960
No.
222
00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:59,996
God, he's a hard worker,
didn't even want a cup of tea.
223
00:09:59,996 --> 00:10:01,996
Oh. Honest, punctual,
hard-working John.
224
00:10:01,996 --> 00:10:04,196
He's gonna need to get himself
a longer van.
225
00:10:04,196 --> 00:10:06,996
So have all of those got moth holes
in them?
226
00:10:06,996 --> 00:10:08,356
No.
227
00:10:08,356 --> 00:10:10,996
All these have.
God.
228
00:10:10,996 --> 00:10:13,996
There's nothing but sheep out there,
they can eat all the wool they want.
229
00:10:13,996 --> 00:10:15,996
But oh, no, it has to be
our jumpers.
230
00:10:15,996 --> 00:10:17,996
Let's hope they don't go for John's,
you know...
231
00:10:17,996 --> 00:10:20,996
I think they only
go for natural fibres.
232
00:10:20,996 --> 00:10:21,996
So what are you gonna do with them?
233
00:10:21,996 --> 00:10:24,676
Just have to chuck them out.
Can't we give them to charity?
234
00:10:24,676 --> 00:10:25,996
Oh, that's nice, isn't it?
235
00:10:25,996 --> 00:10:27,996
"I've just escaped from a war zone."
Oh, poor you,
236
00:10:27,996 --> 00:10:29,996
would you like a moth-eaten jumper?
237
00:10:31,996 --> 00:10:33,996
Oh, no.
238
00:10:33,996 --> 00:10:35,996
What the hell is he doing here?
239
00:10:37,996 --> 00:10:40,996
Sorry, Bronson, can I help you?
240
00:10:40,996 --> 00:10:42,996
Er, yeah, if you like.
241
00:10:42,996 --> 00:10:44,996
No, I meant what are you doing
in our garden?
242
00:10:44,996 --> 00:10:47,996
Oh, right. Erm, just looking
for litter and that.
243
00:10:47,996 --> 00:10:49,996
Got to fill two bags somehow.
Otherwise I'm gonna be here forever.
244
00:10:49,996 --> 00:10:51,996
Ain't got any rubbish, have you?
245
00:10:51,996 --> 00:10:53,996
House. Car.
246
00:10:53,996 --> 00:10:55,996
Why, what's wrong with it?
Just won't start.
247
00:10:55,996 --> 00:10:58,996
I'll get it started for you.
You know how to start a...
248
00:10:58,996 --> 00:11:00,996
Silly question.
249
00:11:00,996 --> 00:11:03,996
I'll see if I can find the key.
No, I don't need it.
250
00:11:03,996 --> 00:11:05,996
Just get us a paperclip.
A paperclip?
251
00:11:05,996 --> 00:11:07,036
Yeah, summat like that.
252
00:11:07,036 --> 00:11:08,836
Great.
253
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:09,996
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
254
00:11:09,996 --> 00:11:10,996
What's in it for me?
255
00:11:10,996 --> 00:11:13,996
A load of moth-eaten clothes?
256
00:11:14,996 --> 00:11:15,996
Yeah, that'll do.
257
00:11:34,996 --> 00:11:36,996
ENGINE STARTS
258
00:11:45,996 --> 00:11:47,996
BOTH: Ta-da!
259
00:11:47,996 --> 00:11:49,996
Sorry?
The crab apples.
260
00:11:49,996 --> 00:11:52,996
You know, the ones that you were
gonna leave to rot.
261
00:11:52,996 --> 00:11:53,996
Oh, right.
262
00:11:53,996 --> 00:11:57,996
Daddy said it's because
you don't know any better.
263
00:11:57,996 --> 00:11:59,196
Did he?
Yes.
264
00:11:59,196 --> 00:12:01,836
And he said you're a...
Oh, look, Silas,
265
00:12:01,836 --> 00:12:03,196
it's a man with a bucket.
266
00:12:03,196 --> 00:12:05,996
Did I hear someone mention
crab apples?
267
00:12:05,996 --> 00:12:08,996
Do you know, my granny used to make
the best crab apple jelly
268
00:12:08,996 --> 00:12:09,996
in all of Yorkshire.
269
00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:11,996
Won prizes, she did.
Oh.
270
00:12:11,996 --> 00:12:13,996
Why don't you help yourself
to a jar?
271
00:12:13,996 --> 00:12:15,836
I'm sure Steve won't mind
if you have one.
272
00:12:15,836 --> 00:12:16,996
Take as many as you want.
273
00:12:16,996 --> 00:12:18,996
Do you mind if I taste it first?
No.
274
00:12:18,996 --> 00:12:20,996
Please do.
Taste away.
275
00:12:20,996 --> 00:12:22,996
I rather think your granny
would approve.
276
00:12:25,996 --> 00:12:27,676
I mean, it needs to mature...
277
00:12:27,676 --> 00:12:29,996
Obviously it'll improve with age.
278
00:12:29,996 --> 00:12:31,036
Oh, no, this won't.
279
00:12:31,036 --> 00:12:32,996
I'm afraid that's no good at all.
280
00:12:32,996 --> 00:12:34,036
Hm. It's too bitter.
281
00:12:35,836 --> 00:12:38,036
And the aftertaste is lacking fruit.
282
00:12:38,036 --> 00:12:41,516
It's very disappointing.
Oh.
283
00:12:41,516 --> 00:12:43,356
Bad luck.
284
00:12:44,516 --> 00:12:45,996
Hiya.
285
00:12:46,996 --> 00:12:48,996
I see you've met Honest John.
286
00:12:53,996 --> 00:12:55,996
I can't wait to see your dad's face.
287
00:12:55,996 --> 00:12:57,996
Honest John meets Sexy Ken.
288
00:12:57,996 --> 00:13:00,996
See, Grizzo was right.
Leave it to the universe.
289
00:13:00,996 --> 00:13:02,996
Er, no. The universe isn't
getting the credit for this,
290
00:13:02,996 --> 00:13:03,996
I'm the one who found him.
291
00:13:03,996 --> 00:13:05,996
I've been thinking,
the rates he's charging,
292
00:13:05,996 --> 00:13:07,996
we might even be able
to do the living room.
293
00:13:07,996 --> 00:13:09,996
You know, get that done,
decorate the place,
294
00:13:09,996 --> 00:13:11,996
finally start settling in.
Yeah.
295
00:13:11,996 --> 00:13:14,996
Or find some other sucker
and sell it to them.
296
00:13:14,996 --> 00:13:15,996
Yeah, that one.
297
00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:18,996
Oh, hi, John. How's it going?
Fancy a cup of tea?
298
00:13:18,996 --> 00:13:21,996
No, thanks. There's a bit of
a problem, I'm afraid.
299
00:13:21,996 --> 00:13:24,996
You've got a colony of moths.
Ha. You think?
300
00:13:24,996 --> 00:13:25,996
What gave it away?
301
00:13:25,996 --> 00:13:27,996
They're in the roof space.
302
00:13:27,996 --> 00:13:30,996
Oh, well, now we know where
they are, we can get rid of them.
303
00:13:30,996 --> 00:13:33,356
Er, that's the problem.
You can't. They're protected.
304
00:13:33,356 --> 00:13:35,996
Not from moth killer, they're not.
No, they're a protected species.
305
00:13:35,996 --> 00:13:37,996
It's a criminal offence
to interfere with them.
306
00:13:37,996 --> 00:13:40,996
Come off it. It's hardly up there
with mugging a pensioner.
307
00:13:40,996 --> 00:13:43,996
Nevertheless, you will have
to report it to the authorities.
308
00:13:43,996 --> 00:13:45,996
Strictly speaking, yeah.
But can't we just, you know,
309
00:13:45,996 --> 00:13:48,196
ch-ch-ch, keep quiet about it?
No.
310
00:13:48,196 --> 00:13:50,996
Why not?
Well, that would be dishonest.
311
00:13:52,356 --> 00:13:54,996
I'm sorry, the work's gonna have to
stop.What about our roof?
312
00:13:54,996 --> 00:13:57,996
It'll have to wait until the
breeding season's over, I'm afraid.
313
00:13:57,996 --> 00:14:01,196
Then there'll just be more of them.
Good point.
314
00:14:04,996 --> 00:14:07,836
I found this.
That won't do it.
315
00:14:07,836 --> 00:14:08,996
We need some heavy duty spray.
316
00:14:08,996 --> 00:14:11,836
We are doing the right thing,
aren't we?
317
00:14:11,836 --> 00:14:13,996
Of course we are.
Don't worry about Honest John.
318
00:14:13,996 --> 00:14:15,996
He's a nice enough bloke,
but frankly...
319
00:14:15,996 --> 00:14:17,996
I mean, maybe they'll just
die out naturally.
320
00:14:17,996 --> 00:14:19,996
Well, you heard what he said.
It's a colony.
321
00:14:19,996 --> 00:14:22,996
That's how America started. Now
look at it. He did seem to think...
322
00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:25,996
Why should we be lectured by someone
who goes around with a doormat
323
00:14:25,996 --> 00:14:28,996
stapled to his head? They're only
moths. I know, you're right.
324
00:14:28,996 --> 00:14:31,996
It's not as if we've got a family
of snow leopards up there.
325
00:14:31,996 --> 00:14:34,996
Don't speak too soon.
It's not winter yet.
326
00:14:41,996 --> 00:14:43,996
CLANKING
327
00:14:47,996 --> 00:14:50,036
ENGINE FAILS TO START
328
00:14:50,036 --> 00:14:51,996
Bronson.
329
00:14:56,996 --> 00:14:57,996
Hi, Shannon.
330
00:14:57,996 --> 00:14:59,996
SLURPS
331
00:15:04,836 --> 00:15:06,996
SLURPS
332
00:15:10,996 --> 00:15:11,996
Nice?
333
00:15:11,996 --> 00:15:12,996
Not really.
334
00:15:12,996 --> 00:15:14,996
Er, is Bronson here?
335
00:15:14,996 --> 00:15:18,356
No. Why?He got our car started,
but it's broken down again.
336
00:15:18,356 --> 00:15:19,996
I've had to walk all the way here.
337
00:15:19,996 --> 00:15:21,996
Exercise will do you good.
338
00:15:21,996 --> 00:15:23,996
Yeah, but he said he'd fixed it.
339
00:15:23,996 --> 00:15:26,996
Did you pay him?
No, but we gave him two bags of...
340
00:15:26,996 --> 00:15:28,836
Oh, forget it.
341
00:15:28,836 --> 00:15:30,996
I don't suppose you've got
anything for moths?
342
00:15:31,996 --> 00:15:32,996
Gareth!
343
00:15:32,996 --> 00:15:35,996
Have we got anything for moths?
You what?!
344
00:15:37,996 --> 00:15:39,996
Do we have anything
that kills moths?
345
00:15:40,996 --> 00:15:42,996
You could try that perfume of yours.
346
00:15:50,996 --> 00:15:52,996
Argh!
347
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:55,996
Thanks.
348
00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,996
Actually, I'd better
take a couple more.
349
00:15:57,996 --> 00:15:59,996
Just in case.
350
00:15:59,996 --> 00:16:00,996
SIGHS
351
00:16:03,996 --> 00:16:07,996
'Relax and take the opportunity
to slow down.
352
00:16:09,996 --> 00:16:11,996
'Surrender
yourself to the universe.'
353
00:16:11,996 --> 00:16:13,996
DIALS NUMBER
354
00:16:15,996 --> 00:16:16,996
PHONE VIBRATES
355
00:16:20,996 --> 00:16:21,996
All right, Grizzo?
Hi, Steve.
356
00:16:21,996 --> 00:16:23,996
You know that hole in your roof?
357
00:16:23,996 --> 00:16:26,676
Yes.
Well, I left it to the universe,
358
00:16:26,676 --> 00:16:28,996
and sure enough, the universe
has come up with the answer.
359
00:16:28,996 --> 00:16:30,996
Go on.
You know Martin?
360
00:16:30,996 --> 00:16:31,996
My builder.
361
00:16:31,996 --> 00:16:33,996
The one doing a beach house
for Simon Cowell?
362
00:16:33,996 --> 00:16:36,996
Yeah. Well, they've only
gone and had a big bust-up.
363
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,996
Martin made a joke
about his trousers,
364
00:16:38,996 --> 00:16:39,996
Cowell went ape.
365
00:16:39,996 --> 00:16:41,356
LAUGHS
366
00:16:41,356 --> 00:16:42,996
You'd think he'd have
heard them all.
367
00:16:42,996 --> 00:16:46,996
Anyway, upshot is he's off the job,
so he's up for doing your roof.
368
00:16:46,996 --> 00:16:49,996
That would be brilliant.
You haven't found a builder, then?
369
00:16:49,996 --> 00:16:51,996
No. Well, we did,
but he's downed tools
370
00:16:51,996 --> 00:16:53,996
because he found a protected species
of moth up there.
371
00:16:53,996 --> 00:16:55,996
Oh, bummer.
372
00:16:55,996 --> 00:16:56,996
So what are you gonna do?
373
00:16:56,996 --> 00:16:58,996
Just get rid of them.
What, kill them?
374
00:16:58,996 --> 00:17:00,996
Yeah, pretty much.
375
00:17:00,996 --> 00:17:04,996
No, Steve, you can't do that.
That's bad karma.
376
00:17:04,996 --> 00:17:07,996
They're only moths.
You eat sausages.
377
00:17:07,996 --> 00:17:10,996
Sausages aren't a protected species,
Steve.
378
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:13,996
Yeah, good point. Those moths
are protected for a reason.
379
00:17:13,996 --> 00:17:17,996
Sorry, Steve, I can't ask Martin
to go against the universe.
380
00:17:20,996 --> 00:17:21,996
SIGHS
381
00:17:22,996 --> 00:17:24,356
Karma...
382
00:17:31,996 --> 00:17:34,996
Actually, do you know,
this will probably do.
383
00:17:34,996 --> 00:17:36,996
You're all right,
we've got some more somewhere.
384
00:17:36,996 --> 00:17:38,836
BELL DINGS
DOOR OPENS
385
00:17:38,836 --> 00:17:39,996
Congratulations.
386
00:17:39,996 --> 00:17:41,996
We've heard the good news.
387
00:17:41,996 --> 00:17:44,996
Hey?You've got a protected species
living in your roof.
388
00:17:44,996 --> 00:17:46,996
Lucky devils. Why couldn't
they have chosen our roof?
389
00:17:46,996 --> 00:17:48,996
Moths are our friends.
390
00:17:48,996 --> 00:17:50,676
Can we go and see them?
391
00:17:50,676 --> 00:17:53,356
No. You're not meant to
disturb them.
392
00:17:53,356 --> 00:17:55,996
Who told you, anyway?
It was that lovely builder of yours.
393
00:17:55,996 --> 00:17:57,036
SHANNON: Found them.
394
00:17:57,036 --> 00:17:59,996
He brought round a load
of crab apples from his garden.
395
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:02,196
Turned out your apples
were the problem.
396
00:18:02,196 --> 00:18:05,996
Oh. Sorry about that.And he told us
all about your little house guests.
397
00:18:05,996 --> 00:18:07,996
There you go.
398
00:18:15,196 --> 00:18:16,996
Yep, that is the stuff.
399
00:18:16,996 --> 00:18:18,996
You make sure you don't sell
any of that.
400
00:18:18,996 --> 00:18:21,996
It's really bad for moths.
401
00:18:21,996 --> 00:18:22,996
Bye.
402
00:18:22,996 --> 00:18:25,996
Oh. Isn't she thoughtful?
403
00:18:31,996 --> 00:18:34,036
A Norfolk farmer
has been found guilty
404
00:18:34,036 --> 00:18:36,836
of destroying a dormouse habitat.
405
00:18:36,836 --> 00:18:40,996
Disturbing a protected species
can incur fines of up to ?10,000
406
00:18:40,996 --> 00:18:42,996
or a custodial sentence.
407
00:18:42,996 --> 00:18:44,996
And 46-year-old Neville Carter
has been warned
408
00:18:44,996 --> 00:18:47,516
he could face six months in prison.
409
00:18:53,996 --> 00:18:56,996
I'm just saying,
we could go to jail.
410
00:18:56,996 --> 00:18:57,996
Jail?
411
00:18:57,996 --> 00:19:00,996
Well, on the news there was this
farmer and he had dormice,
412
00:19:00,996 --> 00:19:03,996
and he, you know... pooft!
413
00:19:03,996 --> 00:19:04,996
Six months in prison.
414
00:19:04,996 --> 00:19:07,996
Well, at least he's got a roof
over his head.
415
00:19:07,996 --> 00:19:10,196
We can't just let all the building
work stop cos of a few moths.
416
00:19:10,196 --> 00:19:11,996
Get up there
and give them a good spray.
417
00:19:11,996 --> 00:19:13,996
Nobody's gonna know.
418
00:19:13,996 --> 00:19:15,996
Unless you're worried
one of the moths
419
00:19:15,996 --> 00:19:17,996
is gonna fly off to the
police station and report it.
420
00:19:17,996 --> 00:19:19,996
Yeah, but what if Honest John does?
421
00:19:19,996 --> 00:19:21,996
I told you he was bad news.
422
00:19:21,996 --> 00:19:23,996
You wanna keep some of that back
and use it on him.
423
00:19:23,996 --> 00:19:26,996
That is a good idea. Yeah,
like that's not against the law.
424
00:19:26,996 --> 00:19:28,996
All I'm saying is are you
gonna sit there
425
00:19:28,996 --> 00:19:31,996
and let your entire future be ruined
by some do-gooder
426
00:19:31,996 --> 00:19:33,996
and his precious moths?
427
00:19:34,996 --> 00:19:36,516
Maybe we should sleep on it.
428
00:19:37,996 --> 00:19:39,996
Dear, oh, dear.
429
00:19:49,356 --> 00:19:50,996
Oh, no!
430
00:19:50,996 --> 00:19:52,836
I've been eaten in the night.
431
00:19:52,836 --> 00:19:54,996
Oh, so have I.
432
00:19:54,996 --> 00:19:57,996
Right. They have crossed the line.
433
00:20:06,356 --> 00:20:07,996
This is war.
434
00:20:07,996 --> 00:20:08,996
DOORBELL RINGS
435
00:20:12,196 --> 00:20:13,676
Good morning.
436
00:20:13,676 --> 00:20:15,356
Janet Dawson, Environment Agency.
437
00:20:15,356 --> 00:20:19,036
We've been notified of a protected
species at this location.
438
00:20:19,996 --> 00:20:23,196
Have you? Under Schedule 5
of the Wildlife and Countryside Act,
439
00:20:23,196 --> 00:20:26,996
I'm requesting access to this
premises for inspection purposes.
440
00:20:28,996 --> 00:20:30,996
The moths.
441
00:20:32,996 --> 00:20:35,996
We were just gonna put that
in the bin.
442
00:20:36,996 --> 00:20:38,676
So you reported it, did you?
443
00:20:38,676 --> 00:20:40,996
Honesty is the best policy.
Is it? Always?
444
00:20:40,996 --> 00:20:42,996
I think so, yes.
Oh, good.
445
00:20:42,996 --> 00:20:45,996
Well, in that case, John,
I'll be honest. Steve.
446
00:20:45,996 --> 00:20:47,996
You are a small-minded,
sanctimonious,
447
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,356
interfering busybody.
448
00:20:50,356 --> 00:20:51,996
I'm sorry you feel that way.
449
00:20:51,996 --> 00:20:53,996
Oh, and while we're all
being honest,
450
00:20:53,996 --> 00:20:56,516
not one person anywhere you go
451
00:20:56,516 --> 00:20:59,996
ever looks at you and thinks,
'Oh, look,
452
00:20:59,996 --> 00:21:02,996
'there goes Honest John
with his full head of hair.'
453
00:21:02,996 --> 00:21:05,996
They all think, 'There's Honest John
who's honest about everything,
454
00:21:05,996 --> 00:21:09,996
'except for the fact
that he's actually bald.'
455
00:21:10,996 --> 00:21:13,836
Just being honest, John.
456
00:21:14,996 --> 00:21:16,996
OK, well, since you brought it up...
457
00:21:17,996 --> 00:21:19,996
Yes, I do wear a wig,
and the reason I do
458
00:21:19,996 --> 00:21:22,996
is that I lost my hair
because I'm having chemotherapy.
459
00:21:25,676 --> 00:21:26,996
Right, well, good luck with that.
460
00:21:28,996 --> 00:21:30,996
Shall I show you
where these moths are?
461
00:21:41,996 --> 00:21:45,036
MUSIC: 'In The Country'
by Cliff Richard And The Shadows
462
00:21:45,036 --> 00:21:47,196
Subtitles by TVT
463
00:21:47,246 --> 00:21:51,796
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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