All language subtitles for Asterix.The.Mansions.of.the.Gods.2014.1080p.BluRay.AC3.x264-ETRG(SDH)

(fly buzzing)

(dramatic music)

- Mark my words, senators,
those who slip through the lion's claw

will end up poisoned
by the serpenfs venom-

- What's with all the animals anyway?
- It's just a manner of speech, I think-

- What?!

- Um... uh... it's just that, O Caesar,

what exactly do you mean
by the serpent's venom?

- It was the lion's claw part I didn't get-
- It's all Greek to me--

- The lion's claw, the invincible might
of Rome!

Like the talons of the falcon--

- A falcon now?
- Shh! Shh!

- Like the talons of the falcon,

it has closed upon every single continent

except here, in Brittany, where a handful
of indomitable Gauls

continue to ridicule Rome

and mock its imperial eagle...

Any objections to imperial eagle?

If those barbarians refuse
to embrace Rome, so be it,

Rome will embrace them!
(echo, clapping hands)

- Uh-.. that was the signal, right?
- That was the signal-

(creaking)

Behold the serpents venom-.

Their beloved forest will give way
to glorious mansions-

Roman civilization
will encroach upon them

until they are forced
to adapt or perish-.

(Caesar laughing)
I have entrusted the construction

of our magnificent city to the young
architect Squareonthehypothenus,

who has already designed
a number of buildings,

most of which are still standing.

(applause)

- Well done, Squareonthehypothenus!
What a marvellous little model.

And, uh-.. what name do you plan on giving
your glorious city?

- Well, uh, at first--
- No, it was total crap-

- I just dropped it--.
- Any suggestions, Senator Prospectus?

- Ideally, it should be a name that.--
evokes Rome.

- But that's not exactly Rome.

Rum?
Rum?

- It's close enough, right?

- I suppose so, but it could get confus-
- Never mind. What do you think of...

The Mansions of the Gods?

- The Mansions of the Gods?

The Mansions of the Gods
(majestic music, cheering)

I'm not so sure.--

Why not? Let's run with that.

(rhythmic music)

Asterix: The Mansions of the Gods

(eagle screeching)

(choking)

(birdsong)

(boar snoring)

(leaves rustling)
(boar whimpering)

(rustling)
(Ell-filling)

(barking)
(screaming)

- Hi, there!
(screaming)

- This one's all yours, Obelix!
- You better believe it's mine!

I saw it first!
- Really?

- Yes, really! He's
scared of me, not of you!

- How do you know?
Did you two talk it over?

- I always spot boars first,
and you know it!

- Maybe I put them in your path
without you noticing!

- What would I do
without the great Asterix?

- Oh, cut it out!

- When it comes to boars,
I'm the fastest!

- At eating them, definitely!
- It's mine!

- Mine!
(both): Mine! Mine! Mine!.--

- Mine!
(laughing, Asterix screaming)

(panting)

(lively music)

Obelix!

That boar.--

has my name on it!

- Huh? It's not yours, it's mine!
{Asterix laughing)

(Obelix laughing)

(Asterix shouting)
(laughing)

Uh?

(grumbling)

What in Gaul's name is that thing?

(Dogmatix sniffing)

(soft music)

- Hmm---

(hammering)

- Pffi!

- 91, 92, 93, 94, 95...

Not now, not now! 96, 97,

and"-98-

Okay, this is the first tree to cut down!
(growling)

(screaming)

Oh, for Vesta's sake, get it off me!
Down, boy!

- I wouldn't mess with the trees, Roman!
It makes Dogmatix really mad!

Now, now, Dogmatix, that's enough!
(barking, growling)

(grumbling)
- Get out! You have no business being here!

This construction site is off limits
to the public, understand?!

(screaming)

(crashing)

- I sure like Romans without armour-

They make a nice sound
when they hit the ground-

(Asterix laughing)
(lively music, villagers shouting)

(screaming)

- Hey, will someone get Vitalstatistix?
Tell the chief it's important!

- He's in a meeting- Can I take a message?
(screaming)

(grunting)
- Go ahead, lads, I'm listening-

- What's going on?
- Squabble about fish that's not fresh-

- What do you mean, it's not fresh?
- I was answering a question! Go on-

- We ran into Romans
right here in the forest-

- Sure did! Romans with string-
- String? What sort of string?

- The sort of string you trip and fall on.

- It seems we stumbled upon
a Roman construction site.

- Strange- What are the Romans up to?
- For now, it's just string-

Sounds harmless. That's settled!
Okay, back t0 the brawl!

- Keep an eye on that construction site
for me. You never know.

- Ah! Hey! We're trying to talk, here!
- Try talking to this!

(Asterix grumbling)
(Obelix laughing)

- I will not tolerate barbarians
with moustaches getting in the way

of Caesar's plan!
- Don't say I didn't warn you, Architect-

The Gauls don't like us
messing with their forest-

- Their forest?

- Will you please stop fidgeting?
Keep still!

- Where in Juno's name
do they think they are?

- They think they're at home-
That's the problem-

- Oh, yeah? Well, make way for civilization!
We are gonna deforest their forest!

- Ha! You'll have to (tie-Gaul it first-

- That's the mission Caesar gave you,
and I plan to make sure--

- Ave, Centurion!
(sighing)

- What is it, Givusabonus?

- The slaves demand we give them work,
they're bored.

- This operation is temporarily suspended

while we attempt to secure the site!

- Say what?
- What part didn't you get?

- Not a word-

- Yeah, well, never mind.

Now look, the only way to avoid the Gauls
is to work nights-

(laughing)
- Work nights? Really? Ridiculous-

- Yeah, well, so is your bandage.

(insects chirring)

- Centurion, pardon me, but my colleagues
and I were wondering--.

Should we--

- Unbelievable- How many times do I have
to tell you to wait for my signal?

- And what is the signal again?

- "What's the signal again?"
For the 30th time,

it's when I raise my arm-
- Absolutely-

(quacking)

- Just do it, for Jupiter's sake!
- Shh!

- Just do it, for Jupiter's sake-..
- I can't until my scouts report back-

- Centurion, the soldiers and I think
you and the neurotic architect

need to pipe down
or you'll wake the Gauls-

(grumbling)
- Get back to the ranks!

(whip cracking)
(slaves grunting)

(tree falling)
(birds chirping)

What do you think you're doing?
- You raised your arm-

- I did not!
- Yes, you did, which is why, whack!

I gave the order.

(both): Ave, Centurion!
Recon reporting!

- Wait, where were you two?
- Right here.

- Here'? How can you recon here?

- We didn't want to stray too far
because...

- I didn't catch that-
Because of what?

(both, loudly): The Gauls!
- The... the Gauls?

Sound the retreat!
(muffled trumpet)

(both): Ave, Centurion!
(sighing)

- Get your butts back here,
you boneheads!

- But...
(sighing)

(birds chirping)

(boar screaming)

(Dogmatix whimpering)
(Obelix laughing)

- Dogmatix? Ooh!

Again? What's going on this time?
- Hmm'?

It's the Romans again.

- There, Dogmatix,
every/thing's back to normal!

(growling, barking)

- Okay, for those of you
who have pudding for brains--

- Now listen up!

- If you think you can knock down
one tree per night

and then sit around
growing toe fungus--

- Present!
- Zip it, Tofungus!

Move it, don't stand there like mushrooms!
- Where's the tree we uprooted last night?

- I have some rather bad news, I'm afraid-
It's no longer uprooted-

- It's what now?
- The tree, it's been replanted-

- You mean figuratively?
- No, no, n0...

Replanted as in... replanted. Look.

(screaming)
- No, this can't be happening!

Is this some sort of sickjoke?!

- Centurion, the psycho architect
is making a racket again!

- Silence!

That's it, we're out of here,
there's no fighting sorcery-

- Oh no, that tree is coming down-
- Again?

- Yes, again, and we're taking it back
to camp so no one replants it!

- Uprooting trees is part of our contract-
On that, we agree-

But their transport-.-
- Now look here! You're slaves!

Just do as you're told
and keep your mouths shut!!!

- Centurion, you're the
one making a racket!

- You too, zip it! And you, start pulling!

(whip cracking, slaves grunting)

- Good thing I didn't bring Dogmatix-
- Oh, druid, what are we going to do?

- I may have a little trick up my sleeve.

(birdsong)

- So that's it? That's your trick?
(lively music)

- Those acorns are nuts!

Isn't it amazing, Obelix,
how fast those trees grew?

- I don't really know-
How fast do trees usually grow?

- I've got some more, um---
not such good news.

(gasping)
(whip cracking)

(slaves grunting)

I do admit it can seem demoralizing
at first glance.

(whip cracking)
(slaves grunting)

Let's focus on the positive.

Our motivation is intact,
and that's what matters.

(whip cracking)

(slaves grunting)

So far, there's been no talk of giving up,
and for that, we can congratulate ourselves-

(panting)

(munching)
(Asterix): Chew before you swallow, Obelix!

- Why? What for?
Hey, there's one last acorn in my pocket!

- Obelix, don't! Not in my--

Obelix, you're gonna pull that tree
out of the ground this instant!

- Nope, sorry, I couldn't do that
to Dogmatix.

(all gasping)

- So, if I understand correctly,

not only are the Mansions of the Gods
nowhere close to being built.--

Mm, mm!

Now, you tell me the Romans refuse
to live there?

- We haven't encountered much enthusiasm-

- Our fellow citizens are somewhat reluctant
to emigrate to Brittany-n.

- That's it! If we could only build the
Mansions right outside Rome,

they wouldn't be so far from home.

- Find a solution, you incompetent fools,
or I'll feed you to the lions in the arena!

Now that would amuse the Roman citizens
and it's right here in Rome!

- The arena---
(laughing)

What an excellent idea, O Caesar-
- Hmm'?

(crowd cheeflng)
{trumpet mush)

- "Ha! Ha! You nasty wretch,
I'll tear your guts out!"

"Hercules, help me!
Oh, help me, Hercules!"

"Ta-da-da! It is I, Hercules!
You'll pay for this, evil Trojan!

I'll squash you like a cockroach!"

- Ah, Mischief us, mind sparing us
the bloodshed, the carnage, the massacre?

- He's having fun! Leave him alone!
- Fun'? It's insanely violent!

Where does he get it from, anyway?

(grunting)
(crowd cheering)

(shouting)

- Should we do a double lock,
or go for a triple'?

- Double-

By the way, how's your neck?
Still stiff?

- A little. I need to avoid
sudden movements.

Ready for the viper slam?
- Ready.

(faintly screaming)

Man, that viper slam is the worst. Ugh!
- Well, I guess this is it, buddy-

(crowd shouting)

- Be a pal, will ya?
Try to make it a nice, clean kill-

(trumpet music)
- Ah, wouldn't you know it, commercial-

(crowd booing)

- Is it too much to ask to get
a decent slaying around here?

- Yeah, tell me about it.

- Romans, citizens,

you had enough?

Enough of Rome and its polluted air
and filth?

Enough of the stench, the noise,
the stress, the traffic?

- Eh, not really, no.

- Now, you can leave it all behind and
start fresh in a haven of tranquility!

This brand new oasis of
greenery awaits you!

Just three weeks away from central Rome!

Today, the divine Caesar will grant
one of you

the opportunity to win an apartment
in the luxurious Mansions of the Gods!

(Caesar): Hmm?

- Please find an informational tablet
at your feet.

(woman): Ah! It looks like paradise!
(man): Yeah, but it's in Brittany.

- Where's Brittany again?
- Wherever it is, it's far.

- Now, let the grand lottery begin!

The lucky winner is...

the person who now holds
the informational tablet number...

Two!

- That--- that's you! You won!
Raise your hand! Stand up!

- Shh! I don't want to go to Brittany!
- You don't even know where it is!

- Well? Who has lucky number two?

- We do! We do! He's here!
Here's the winner!

- What have we won, a gladiator?

- Give him a big hand as he makes his way
down to the arena!

(crowd cheering)

- Oh! See how handsome your father looks?

He's like a Greek god!
- Well done!

(laughing)
Congratulations!

Now smile.--
Hold up the number and smile-

(crowd cheering)

- Um---
(clearing throat)

Where exactly is Brittany?
- In Gaul.

- Oh, right. That's quite a way, huh?

And, uh, what if I refuse to leave?

- You stay here and we feed you
to the lions- (lions growling)

- Then again, I always say
a little fresh air can't hurt!

(birdsong)

- Well, well...

Yes, indeed, I gotta admit, Roman
architecture is mighty impressive-

So that's the entrance hall, I take it?

(soldiers chuckling)

(both chuckling)

Okay, that's it, we're done here,
so just go back to Rome

and tell the big kahuna
that this party is over-

- Never, you hear me? Never!

Caesar entrusted me with a mission and
I fully intend to see it through to the end,

even if it means working
the slaves to death!

(slaves gulpiflg)

- He's going to work the slaves to death?

- Well, if we keep replanting trees,
that's what'll happen.

- What can we do about it, Getafix?
- We can think.

(fly buzzing)

- I have an idea, but I already know
you won't like it.

- We can thrash 'em,
give the Romans a licking!

- That's it! That was my idea!

- I may have a plan to protect the slaves,

a plan that would indeed require a
thrashing, but just a little one.

- A little thrashing?
ls there such a thing?

(both): Rock, paper, scissors!

Rock, paper, scissors!

(laughing)

- Excuse me, we're looking
for the slave camp, please-

- Hello!

You would not believe
what a good mood I'm in!

(classical music)

- Well, I guess it's this way.

(snoring)

We brought you a present.

Our druid made you
a batch of our magic potion-

- Shouldn't we taste it first,
just to be sure'?

- No, not you! It'll give you the
superhuman strength to escape. You're free-

- Uh-.. first, allow me to say how grateful
lam, but is running away a solution?

- Excuse me?

- You talk of escape,
but isn't running away.--

And I admit to playing
devil's advocate here.

Isn't it just another form of slavery?

- Well, I would say it's more like
a first step towards freedom--

- And yet, there's no escape
without oppression-

I'm teasing a bit, but admit
there's room for debate.

- I'm not hereto debate,
just to bring the potion-

- And I appreciate it,
but going back to the notion--

- Just take that darn potion, already,
will ya?

- Absolutely, absolutely-
(Obelix grumbling)

(Sniffing)
Hmm!

(Squareonthehypothenus):
What just happened'?

- Our friendly neighbours the Gauls
just popped into say hello-

(clearing throat)

Now don't you start making trouble!

(classical music, fighting sounds)

Ouch.-.

- Okay, starting today, we are to receive
the same salary as the legionnaires.

We want paid holidays, two daily meals--
- Tres.

- Come again?
- Three.

- Oh, okay, make that three daily meals.

- Is that it?
- Not quite-

Once we're finished building the Mansions
of the Gods, we want to be emancipated.

- Emancipated?
- It means free.

- Ah! Si, Si!

What's more, once it's built, we each get
an apartment in the building-

- That's just-.- an extra bonus-
- Present!

(slaves): Shh!

- But you can't accept!
- Yes... I think it would be wise.

- Done deal-

(birdsong)
(lively music)

(boars screeching)

- Well, well! Yes, indeed, I got to admit,
Roman architecture is mighty impressive-

- A fine piece of work.
- Now, what do you want?

- Well, Centurion, there seems to be
a rumour going around

that the slaves get
the exact same salary we do-

I assume that you'll confirm it's hog--
(boar screeching)

(Obelix): I saw it first!
(Asterix): No, you didn't!

- It's mine!
(both): Mine! Mine!

(gasping)

(dramatic music)

(boar screaming, fleeing)

- Just what do you think you're doing?

We gave you the magic potion
to help you run away!

- Well, we discussed it at length
and came to the conclusion

that "runaway slave" is not exactly
the most rewarding career path for now-

- For Toutatis' sake,
what more do you want?

- It's quite simple, really:

to become free Roman citizens-

But for that to happen,
we need to finish this building-

- We're not gonna let you destroy our
forest! This has gone on long enough!

We'll be back!

And if you're not gone,
we'll turn that building into dust!

(grumbling)

(shouting)

(fa rt)

- Ah!

- Did everyone take a nice big swig?
(all shouting)

- No-

- Now silence, it's time for my speech-
(all shouting)

- You don't even know who it is
we're thrashing!

- A bug's a bug!
- Who cares!

- We're not gonna thrash anyone!
We're gonna demolish a building--

- Demolish everything in sight!
That's all we need to know!

(all shouting)
- What he said!

(laughing)

(all shouting)

(babbhng)

(lively music)
(neighing)

- Group 45, come this way!
- What happened to 44?

- 44 is Entrance C-
(disc scratching)

- Civilians--.

- Oh, look, a little costumed entertainment
while we wait in line!

- Eh..- I would've preferred
a light refreshment-

- Marcus, sweetie...

(babbling)
Come along, now-

{VVQIhal-I 'aH9hi - Ah! n9)

- Can-.- we knock the big house down, now?
- No.

- Fine, then. How about one little column?
- No.

- Well, can lat least smash that cart?
- No!

- Mind telling me what's the use of Romans
if we can't hurt them at all?

(barking)

(Vitalstatistix): Come on, lads,
let's go back home.

- No, I need to see the deed
to the property-

- For the third time,
it's the only deed I have!

- It was given to us by Caesar himself!
Isn't that good enough?

- It's simple, Anomalus-
- Anonym us.

- Anonym us. I can't allow--
- Still!

Stop moving around, or I'll be here forever!
- What's taking so long, for Vesta's sake?

- Rome wasn't built in a day!

Same goes for mosaics.

- That is one sloppy mosaic-
- Come again?

- The tiles are uneven and the cement
is really not thick enough-

- It's not a good time for this!

- My mosaic is perfect, Asparagus-
- Anonym us.

- Anonym us- It's simple:
no deed, no apartment-

Have a good day. Next!

- Come on! It took us a month to get here!
- Look, Caesar himself--

- Come back with the required documents
and I'll reconsider your request. Next!

Come on, get lost, I'm busy.

Ah!

(birdsong)

- Pew, pew, pew!
- Lost in Brittany with nowhere to go-

- What if we run into Gauls?

- Let's hope not- I'd have to fight,
and I hate fighting.

- "Hercules will crush you to pieces!

Look, ha, ha! He can lift a column
with his little finger! Ta-na-na!"

Huh?
(bafkifig)

Huh?

(lively music)

(laughing)

(gasping)

Am I allowed to play with the little doggy?

- Why sure! He's very good
at fetching sticks, you know!

Right, Dogmatix?
(barking, panting)

I've been trying to teach him to fetch
standing stones, but no luck yet.

Go on, Dogmatix! Fetch!

- Wow! Hercules!

- We have the worst luck.
- You said it. What's gonna hit us next?

(both screaming)

(barking)
- Mom! Dad!

I found Hercules!
- Hercules? Where?

- Mischief us!
- Let the boy go!

Let's settle this man to man!

- Say it, everyone! Yes, we can!
- No, we can't!

- Huh'? Okay, so we can't thrash the Romans--
- The soup's getting cold!

- Just a minute, sugar bun, be right there!

Like I said, we can't wallop the Romans,
but there's things we can do, right?

- We drank the magic potion for nothing!
(mixed chatter)

- I'm warning you.

If I run into a Roman civilian
in the forest,

I'll give him
the dirtiest look of his life!

- I'm warning you! If a Roman civilian
is lost, I'll give him directions,

but I won't care
if he goes the wrong way!

- And I'm warning you! If a Roman offers
to help carry my basket,

I'll say thank you,
but I won't mean it at all!

(all cheering)

- These are my pals-
They have nowhere to go-

Something about
a missing whatchamacallit?

- Well, that takes the cake- The last time
a Roman set foot here, I wasn't born!

- I refuse to let Romans set one foot
in our village. Civilians are not--

- I don't know about you, but it's starting
to feel a little bit like an invasion to me.

- Invaders! We're under attack!
(clucking)

- Invaders? What are you talking about?
It's a lost family.

- But sugar plum--
- A family is a family-

That poor child must be starving-
I won't have it.

Come and have some... lukewarm soup.

Pay no attention to those big brutes.

Sit down-
(door closing)

(gasping)
- Asterix, village warrior-

- Anonym us, mosaic artist.

- I'd put you up, but my house
had a run-in with an acorn.

- A very naughty acorn.
- Obelix will sort everything out for you-

- Hmm---

- Okay, so what do we do now?
- Do about what?

- About the Mansions of the Gods,
the Roman invasion.

We can't sit here and do nothing!

- In the meantime,
more buildings are going up,

which means more Romans are
on their way-

- Right. We have to find a way to get rid
of the civilians without thrashing them-

(lounge music)
(mixed chatter, laughter)

It's time, let's do it-
Obelix!

(thunder rumbling)

- So I raise my horn
and toast to your new life

at the Mansions of the Gods-

(man): That's more like it-
Finally, the famous Brittany rain-

(woman): When I think that back in Rome,
it's stifling hot-

(laughter)

(birdsong)

(yawning)

- Ave.
- 'Morning-

- 'Morning.

- Get your fish fresh as the morning dew!

- How much is your mackerel, sir?

- Uh--- 1 sesterce?
- 1 sesterce?

In Rome, they charge 5,
and it's not as fresh.

- 5?! Not here, no, no, no"-
Here, it's--- 1-.

(gasping)
Maybe because we're right by the sea!

Well, in Rome, aren't
we right by the sea?

In Rome, we're by the
sea, but it's dirty-

- I'll take three-
- Yes!

- Hmm! You proud of yourself?

- What? I shouldve refused
to sell the Romans?

You want me to starve the poor kid?
Is that it'?

- Do you realize, if you were in Rome,

you could sell those fish
for 5 sesterces apiece?

- If you were in Rome,
we'd be rid of that toxic stench.

- Incomplete. Denied. Next!

(lively music)
(jackhammer noise)

- What's going on out there?
- I don't know, it's too dark!

- What's going on? Do you know?
- No, can't see a thing!

Oh, well, let's get some sleep,
we might as well-

- Nothing could ever be worse than Rome!
(laughter)

- At least here, we've got the
Brittany rain to cool us off!

(grumbling)
- Ave.

- 'Morning-
- 'Morning-

- Step right up! Mansions of the Gods
special offer, 4 sesterces a mackerel! 4!

Cheaper than Rome!
(grumbling)

- Oh, that knickknack is divine!

- Well, it's no ordinary knickknack.

It happens to be an authentic shield
who belonged to Vercingetorix himself-

- Hey! How much junk do you make a week
that belonged to Vercingetorix himself?

- Your fish is about as fresh
as a mummy in a tomb!

- File incom plete!

Denied! Next!

(both): Ugh!

(flies buzzing)

(sniffing)
- What's going on, do you know?

- I don't know, it's too dark-
{jackhammer noise)

Oh, well, let's get some sleep,
we might as well-

- Anyway, nothing could ever be worse
than Rome.

- And we've got the rain to cool us off,
at least!

(angrily sighing)
- Ave.

- 'Morning-
- 'Morning-

(women laughing)

- How much do you want'?

- Mansions of the Gods special:
40 sesterces.

- If that piece of junk had belonged
to Vercingetorix,

it'd be worth at least triple,
you Knucklehead!

- First of all, I charge what I want!

And second of all,
what's 40 times three again?

- 120. And at that price, a bargain!

- Ah! Unbelievable!

- Just say that fish of yours
belonged to Vercingetorix,

'cause it sure smells like him!

(applause, indistinct chatter)
- Bravo!

- Next, please!

(both): We got it! We got it! We got it!

Mansions of the Gods, here we come!

(majestic music)

- Good day, good day, good day, good day.

Oh, my! Ha, ha! Good day.

My pleasure-
(Spanish)

Nice work, boys, well done.

Impressive, Squareonthehypothenus-
Very impressive.

And you finished on schedule.

- Well, it wasn't all smooth sailing,
Senator.

He's showing off now,
but you should've seen his face last week-

Boy, did he get his toga in a twist!
- You done yet?

- Centurion?
- No, no, not now, later.

- Except that later,
the Senator will be gone-

- What is it?

- It's just that..- I promised to free
them, but it's not really in my power-

- You actually promised the slaves
you'd set them free'?

- And he paid them! And he gave each one
an apartment in the Mansions of the Gods!

- What?
- What can I say? I hate conflict-

- Hmm--- Leave it to me-

(clearing throat)
Slaves!

By the powers vested in me by Caesar,
the Senate, the people of Rome and whatnot,

I, Senator Caius Habius Prospectus,
badabing, set you free-

- We're free now? For real?
- Yes.

(laughing)

- Wonderful! We really appreciate it,
don't we?

- Great! Oh, may I remind you to hand in
the keys to your apartments?

- But we were under the impression
they'd been given to us-

- When you were still slaves-
But alas, no more.

Now, you have to pay rent.
It costs 15 sesterces a week--

- 15 sesterces?
- Mm-hmm.

- That's a hefty sum.
- But the good news is,

it just so happens we have positions
currently available in construction.

The salary is... 15 sesterces per week.

Do you accept?
- It's an-" interesting proposition--

- Done! You're hired!
(laughing)

Um.-- Squareonthehypothenus,
shouldn't your workers be working?

- Enough loafing around!

What do you lazy bums think
Caesar pays you for?

Get your butts back to the
construction site and get to work!

- I call that slavery-
(whip cracking)

- Hmm--. I have to admit,
you're very effective-

- No--- I am a senator-

- Step right up! Brand new antiques!
10% off!

- If it's ancient you want,
come to the expert, ladies!

A father and son business
since Vercingetorix!

- 7 sesterces a mackerel! 7!

- 6-99 sesterces a mackerel!
6.99 sesterces!

(mixed chatter)

- Buy three mackerels, get three free!

That's..- six mackerels for a total of.--
I don't know anymore!

- No, it's my shield! The answer is no!
It's not for sale!

- Even for 400 sesterces?

- Is it a gift? I'll wrap it for ya-
Right this way-

- Don't forget your change!
As usual, the lemons are free!

Enjoy!
- Thanks- I hope they're organic.--

- Give us a couple of fish, will ya?
- That's a first. You eat fish, now?

- We're forced to- There's not a wild boar
left in the forest, thanks to this nonsense.

- That'll be 14 sesterces-
- What? You're joking!

- My poor Asterix, you know
it breaks my heart to raise my prices-

That said, we're barely more expensive
than Rome.

- That's outrageous!
Drop your price this instant!

- Drop my price? What for?

Even at 7 sesterces, my mackerel is
selling like hot antiques!

(grumbling)
- I'll take one.

- One mackerel for two?
- That's right.

- And the fish, we just leave it?
'Cause we really have nothing left to eat-

- It's none of my business, but--

(indistinct chatter)

(Asterix): Have you all totally lost
your minds?

- The great Asterix won't let us harm
civilians.

And then when we welcome them,
he makes us--

- It's insanity! 7
sesterces for a mackerel?

You need to stop this nonsense now
and start helping us!

- Help you do what, for Gaul's sake?

- Help us find a way to make the Romans
go back t0 Rome

so we can demolish
the Mansions of the Gods!

(all gasping)

- That's right! And to demolish the Mansions
of the Gods, they need to be empty!

- But... they're our customers.

- Romans are the future
of the antiques business-

- Oh, come on, Asterix, what's the harm
in boosting business a little'?

- The harm is that you all turned into
avaricious morons!

- Not true! We were already morons
way before the Romans came!

- That's right! And we can't be avaricious,
we don't know what it means.

(all approving)

- If that's how you feel about it,
I won't bother you any longer-

- Oh, good.

- Because I'm moving
to the Mansions of the Gods!

- What?
- I'm moving, too-

- And so am I-

- I refuse to stay a second longer
in a village I don't recognize anymore!

" Ooh!

- Uh-.- correct me if I'm wrong, but don't
you think this might be an ideal time

for a farewell song?

(gasping)

In that case, goodbye!
I'm off to the Mansions of the Gods!

Unlike you, Romans appreciate artists-
And I'll tell you this--

- Cacofonix? Come now or never-

- In short, I'm outraged!

- Roman, we want an apartment-
- An apartment?

Look, just leave,
I don't want a scene.

- There won't be a scene,
we just want an apartment-

- I'm afraid that's... impossible.

- Oh, hello, hello, hello, hello!

(laughing)
Welcome to the Mansions of the Gods!

It is with great pleasure--
- What'?

(laughing)

- Squareonthehypothenus, you're even more
stupid than you look-

- We.-. we can't have Gauls living here-
What will Caesar say?

(chuckling)

- What will Caesar say if he finds out
Gauls want to live like Romans?

What will Caesar say if he finds out
those fools deserted their village?

- Huh?
- What will Caesar say when he realizes

his plan is working much better
than expected'?

- It's just, there's no more room left-
- Make room, then.

Okay, no problem!
(laughing)

I'm sure we can arrange that.

- Yeah, well you better watch out!
Hercules is on the way!

- All moved in. At long last,
we have a home.

- There! Barn! Take that!
(knocking)

- Come right in!

(grunting)
(woman screaming)

(lounge music)

- Well, what do we do now?
- Any ideas, Asterix'?

- Not yet. I'll have to sleep on it.

- This house is a little strange-
It's square like a box-

- It's called an apartment, Obelix.

- If only we knew which box
Mischief us and his parents were in,

we could drop in and say hello.

(howling)
(screaming)

(sinister music)

- Splendid.

Splendid, indeed.
The poison is starting to spread-

It's time to strike!
Spread the word in Brittany-

Tell each and every Gaul rebel

that a luxury apartment awaits them
at the Mansions of the Gods.

Rent free for life-

(door opening, closing)

(birds squawking)

(bones cracking)
- Huh?

Beautiful luxury apartments are now
available for every Gaul villager

absolutely rent-free
at the Mansions of the... Gods?

- Free luxury apartments?

- Well, if it means not seeing your ugly
faces, I'll move there no later than today!

- Be my guest! I'll give you a head start!

- I think a good dose of civilization
is just what I need-

I've had it with trinkets
and mackerel.

- But I'm the village chief, sugar plum!
We can't move to the Mansions of the Gods!

- Ha! Didn't say I'd take you along.

- Don't let us keep you, big shot!
Go boss the Romans around!

- Who said that?
- Why don't you all move there?

Good riddance! And don't forget to take
your phony antiques!

- Take your rotten fish while you're at it!
Leave it to the professionals!

- I've had it with all you crooks
and peddlers!

- Oh, so I'm a crook?
- You're a peddler!

- Look who's talking, trinket trafficker!
- Fishmonger!

(birdsong)
(creaking)

- Alright then, now what?
I just sing?

(Asterix): Yes! Nice and loud!

- Are you sure I shouldn't start off
with something more low-key?

You know, ease into it?
- No, no, no, no!

You need to sing at the top of your lungs!
It has to be powerful!

It's a new audience!
Give them something they won't forget!

- Right... Powerful it is.

(barking)

(sonic boom)

(muffled screaming)

(muffled crying)

(indistinct chatter)

(indistinct shouting)

(panicked shouting)

(sound whistling)

(birdsong)

- What in Gaufs name are you doing here?
- After much deliberation,

we have decided to move
to the Mansions of the Gods

in order to satisfy our customers-
- And for their sake,

we will discourage any attempt
at a welcoming song-

- Please note that the projectile
just used for that purpose

is a 7-sesterce top quality mackerel-
- Come on, lads, let's go!

(cackhng)

- Gauls sure are a crazy bunch.

- Did it stop or did I go deaf?

- Let's go back.
Take the bags upstairs-

(creaking)
(wind howling)

(Asterix sighs)

(Mischief us): Obelix?

(barking)
- Ah, there you are!

" Ha!

(laughter)
- I hope you don't mind-

We had nowhere else to g0, I'm afraid-
- We don't mind at all.

(door slamming)

(Asterix sighs)

(lively music)

- Get me a dozen, will ya?

- Forward, lads!

Huh?
(Qrumbnng)

Come on!

Whoa!

- Ah.--! Oh!

(indistinct chatter)

Ah!

- Ave!

(indistinct shouting, screaming)

(applause)

(crowd exclaiming)

(screaming)

- Now follow me as we move on
to the next monument.

Stay in the group, no straddlers.

No straddlers!

- Come on, knock these down too!
And that one too!

Now, to your left- I said left, left!
Your other left!

(birdsong)

(stomach growling)
- I'm hungry-

(Caesar maniacally laughing)

- Now, what was I saying?

- When? Before?
- Now, just now.

- Just now, you were laughing very loudly
in a diabolical way-

- Maniacal, I would say-
- No, before that!

- Oh, before?
Well, that's asking a little too much--

- You said "at last", I believe-
- Oh yes! At last!

At last, I have the Gauls
where I want them.

After years of humiliation, a taste of Roman
civilization solved our problem.

We conquered the Gauls!
- Brilliant, O Caesar!

We defeated them once and for all!
- No! We cannot declare victory

until every single miserable hut
in that village is destroyed.

" Ow!

- Change of plan!

We have a village to raze.

(maniacally laughing)

- It is diabolical-
- No, maniacal...

(laughter echoing)

- That way!
(laughing, barking}

- Did you see one?
- No.

- Then why did we turn?
- To try somewhere else-

There was nothing back there-
Over there! That way, that way!

(Obelix laughing)

Whoa! Watch out!
- Oh!

- Y ee-haw!
- Woo-hoot!

You see one?
- No, still no boars in sight-

- They all left to get away
from the construction.

- Well, there might be a couple left.

(faintly laughing, panting)

- Hold on.--

(panting)

(barking)

(Mischief us grunting)
- What's wrong?

- I--- I feel a bit tired all of a sudden-

I gotta rest a few minutes-
I'm not feeling so well-

- That is because you're hungry-
- You think so?

- Doesn't this happen
when you go too long without eating?

- I don't know.
I never go too long without eating-

- Then don't move!
I'll get you a boar all by myself-

I'll be right back!
- Don't go too far, okay?

(stomach growling)

M isch iefus!

(Dogmatix sniffing)

(growling)

- Dogmatix!

Ah!

- And charge!!!

Hey, what is the matter with you?

- I'll tell you what the matter is:
we're on strike!

Indefinitely!
- And unanimously!

- What the-...?

- We consider this assault
to be potentially dangerous!

- You gotta be kidding me-
It's an assault! We're razing a village!

- We demand that occupational health and
safety regulations be respected and enforced!

- We demand guarantees!

- Until that old druid is captured,
we stay on strike!

Otherwise, the Gauls have the magic potion!
It's unacceptable!

- Is this a joke?

- While we're at it, we demand to be
treated with courtesy and respect!

(Dogmatix barking)
- Shh, shh...

- The tone you use when giving orders
is intolerable! And a violation of...

(Mischief us panting)

- Oh? Ah!

- Shh!
- The soldiers!

They're gonna--
- Destroy the village, yes, I know- I heard-

- "Raze the village".

The exact wording of the order from Rome
was "raze the village".

Seize them both! - Hold on,
Centurion. What about our demands?

- What? Come on, it's the druid!

You wanted him, boom!
He's handed to you on a platter!

What more do you need?
- For one, we're still negotiating

our free apartments
at the Mansions of the Gods.

- And you haven't addressed
the issue of courtesy!

- Arrest them, by Juno!

- Using that tone
will only make matters worse-

(Dogmatix growling)

- O--. O--.
That's it.

O, Caesar, no earthly monument
could ever rise high enough-..

High enough to rival your--
(whistling)

Hey!

Hey, what's this?
I can't have this in here.

- Yeah, well, it's not my fault a certain
someone forgot to build a dungeon-

- That's no reason to dump a cage
in my entrance hall-

- We have orders
to keep the prisoners inside

where the Gauls won't find them
and there's no room anywhere else-

- This can't be happening.

An entrance hall with a cage in it
is not okay!

(words echoing)

High enough... high enough...

High enough to rival
the greatness of Caesar-

of Caesar!
(indistinct speech)

- Don't worry, Mischief us,
someone will come rescue us.

- I'm not worried.
When Obelix finds us, they'll be sorry-

- But how do we let them know we're here?

- I know how.--

- Please accept this modest banquet as a...

token of.-- a token---
(wood clinking)

Hey! Hey, you!
Quiet, up there!

A token of---

- Hercules---

(Splashing)
Yes!

- You're even smarter than I thought,
Mischief us.

- There's no way I can negotiate free housing
for all of you at the Mansions of the Gods!

- Well, you did it for the slaves-
- We could even consider

bringing our families from Rome-
- What?

- I haven't seen my wife in 22 years!

- My wife was pregnant when I left
and now I'm a grandfather!

- Does family mean nothing to you,
Centurion?!

- Mischief us!
(stomach growling)

By Toutatis, I'm hungry-
Mischief us!

- Mischief us! Mischief us!

Oh!

- Mischief us? Mischief us?

- Getafix, you here?

- Anonym us, Asterix, look what I found!

- Somethings happened to Mischief us!

- Don't worry, Mischief us is safe-
He's with Obe...

Obelix?

- Please tell me Mischief us is with you!
Did he come home'?

- We have to search the riverbanks!
- Hurry!

- Obelix! Stay and guard the village!

- I'm coming with you!
Wait for me, wait for me!

- Obelix!

O-be-lix!!!

(panting)

(stomach growling)

(laughing)
" Bah!

- I never heard of a legion living
in luxury accommodations

with their wives and kids
earning 22 asses a day!

I don't earn half that in a week!
- Centurion, we've got a much bigger problem-

- Gluttenus Maximus-
- Gluteus Maximus'?

- No, the Gluttenus Maximus-
- What's Gluttenus Maximus?

- The big, fat Gaul who's super strong
without the potion! He's still on the loose!

- And as long as he's on the loose,
we stay on strike. He's too dangerous-

- If you would just do your job,
he wouldn't be on the loose!

(growling)

- Just lost a point for courtesy-
- Now listen!

You--
- Hungry---

(squeaking sound)

- Don't do that, Centurion,
you'll wake him up!

- Accept this modest repast...

No, this modest banquet-
(door opening)

Fabulous!
So whenever you have prisoners,

you just dump them in my entrance hall?
- Shh!

Keep your voice down, Architect,
you'll wake him up-

- We have orders to lock him up-
If the Gauls find him, our goose is cooked-

- Good God, they've got Obelix.

- That's what you said about the other two
dangling above my mosaic!

(Mischief us): Your mosaic stinks!
It's sloppy work!

- Shut up!
- My dad said so!

- Be quiet, by Minerva-
We need to put him somewhere secure-

- Far from this noise-

(snoring)

(panting)

(panting)
(eagle screaming)

- I don't understand!
We searched the riverbanks!

Where's Mischief us?
- I guess.-- we must have.--

passed him without noticing---
Huh?

Hey! What's the plan?
- The same thing in the opposite direction!

Keep your eyes peeled, this time!

(bleating)
- Dulcia, wait for me!

- We should be in bed-

I hope they didn't wake us up at dawn
for diddly-squat-

- Yeah, the visit to the dolmens
wasn't so early last time.

- Alright, everyone,
I'd like you all to gather round-

- I hope they plan
to serve refreshments this time.

- At least we won't die of thirst,
we brought water.

- I'd like your full attention.

I know it's very early, but today,
we have the rare opportunity

to witness a unique
and quite possibly historic event-

(snoring)

- Huh'?

(snoring)

(whistling sound)

Oh!

(screaming)

- Charge... pretty please!!!

(all gasping)

Archers, on my command!

Would you be so kind as to fire!!!

(heroic music)

- Ah!

- Well, don't just stand there! Do something!
- Just what do you want me to do anyway?

- I don't know!
Make it stop, talk to the centurion!

- What centurion?

(war music)

(soldiers gasping)

(clanking)

(fake, exaggerated drinking sound)

- Ah!

(clattering)

(fake transformation sounds)

(shouting)

(panting)

- Would you please seize that midget?

What? I said please!

- If the enemy has the magic potion,
we refuse to fight!

- That's why we locked the druid up
at the Mansions of the Gods!

No druid, no potion!

- The druid? What druid?
- Our druid'?

(centurion): And the fatso too!

- Fatso? What fatso?
- Our fatso'?

- Well, whatever it is he just drank,
it wasn't a pina colada!

- Come on, he's bluffing!
Don't fall for it! It's baloney!

- Baloney? In a bottle?

- Just who do you take us for anyway,
Centurion?

You think that we're just lambs
for the slaughter, huh?

- Okay.-- if you want a job done.--
(creaking)

-.-y0u gotta do it yourself-
(sighing)

I'm all for dialog, talking is fine,
but you gotta know when to say stop-

So, we have superhuman strength now, do we?

- How about I punch you in the face
and you tell me if it's superhuman enough?

- Well, go ahead, I don't recall you
ever waiting for permission.

- I'd love to, but I'm saving my
first punch for Roman civilians!

Those Roman civilians, to be exact.

Look at you, strutting around
in those ridiculous clothes!

- Roman civilians? That's harsh!

- Some chief you are, Vitalstatistix!
I'll teach you to desert your village,

you traitor!
- Say what?

- I'll teach you to desert your village,
you traitor.

- I got that,
but what are you getting at?

- I'm gonna punch you in the face

with the extra strength power
from the magic potion!

Which you just saw me drink!
Are you ready?

- Ready for what?
- For a punch so powerful,

it'll send you flying
to the other side of the forest.

(screaming)

(leaves rustling)
- By Toutatis, what power!

Only magic can give a human such strength!

- And you're next!
Try selling fresh fish, next time!

(screaming)

- By Belenos, what a walloping!

- And this one's from
Vercingetorix himself!

- Oh, Brittany!

Your soil soaked with blood
heals the wounds of injustice.--

My heart yearns for revenge!

Farewell to armistice-.-
Ugh!

(clearing throat)
- Uh, wait...

So, do they have the magic potion
or don't they?

- Do they have it? I don't know-
I don't know. I have brain fog.

- Getafix and Obelix
are at the Mansions of the Gods.

Distract the Romans while I rescue them-

- If you only knew, Asterix!
I'm so ashamed!

- We'll talk about that later!

- Fellow Gauls,
our beloved village is under siege!

Now, more than ever, we must all
take a swig of the magic potion!

(Asterix): Don't overdo it-
- I'm not overdoing it!

(cheering)

- Centurion, uh... in military terms,
what do we do now?

- I don't know, I have brain fog-
- The fine mess we're in.

- Shh---

(laughing idiotically)
- Shh... shh...

(Aste rix screaming)

- Ah! Oh! Asterix!

Mischief us is in this building,
but we can't get in!

- You're sure he's in this one'?
- Trust me, there's nowhere else he could be!

Open this door, by Juno,
or I'll knock it down!

- Dad!
- Mischief us!

(Squareonthehypothenus):
Reception is closed, by Vesta!

- Well, I say it's open!

- Asteflx!
- Getafixt!

(Dogmatix barking)
- How many of them are in there?

- Go away or I'll call security!

(grunting)

(sensual music)

- Huh'?

(gasping)

(laughing idiotically)
(door banging)

- But, but...

- Guards! Intruders!
- Up here! Look up!

- Mischief us!
- Release the prisoners!

(growling)

(satisfied chuckling)
(both): H m m?

(barking)

- Ha! Ha!

- When I say that mosaic has a flaw...

it's because---

that mosaic.--

has a---

flaw!

(gasping)

(screaming)

- Mischief us!

- You know---

(latin): h' the ow! hoots,
someone isn't sleeping.

- Oh yeah? Well...

(latin): With nothing to say, you
keep quiet. Ha, ha! Take that!

" Dad!

(laughing)

- Tell me what you did with Obelix,
Architect! Talk!

- We don't have time to look for him,
Asterix!

We have to make the magic; potion
immediately, and I'll need everyone's help!

" Ow!

- Hey, guys, what happened back there?
Didn't you notice I was locked out?

(screaming)

(indistinct whispering)
{fly buzzing)

(yawning)

- Come on! You've been jabbering for hours!
- Are you going to attack, or aren't you?

- Okay, so.-- suppose we retreat,
will you come after us or not'?

- There's a good chance we will.

- Okay, let's vote again-
Who votes to retreat?

Who votes to attack?

- Oh!

- Alright, retreat.

- Oh, no---
(sighs)

(soft trumpeting)

(loud trumpeting, soldiers shouting)

- Let's go, lads! After them!
(all shouting

- Oh!

(barking, gasping)

(baby crying)

- Hey, you come back here with that salt!

- That dog just ran off with my fresh herbs!

- That mackerel costs me 7 sesterces!

(metal clanking)

- Yes, that I can use-
No, don't need that.

And this---
(sniffing)

Oh, yes, that'll do-
And don't know what that is.

- Hurry, Getafix, hurry!

(dramatic music)

- Hey, why aren't you hiding
in your apartment, Centurion?

- Because I don't have an apartment,
you took them all-

(panting)

- They're out of breath. I don't get it.

- Usually, when they come after us--
- We never get away- They catch us-

- Not proof enough?

What do I need to do to convince you
they don't have the magic potion'?

Carve it in stone?

(panting)

- Come on, lads, charge...

(shouting feebly)

(soldiers shouting)

(Signing)
- Am

(cackfing)
- Ah! Ooh!

- Huh'?

- What in Juno's name is going on here?

(cackhng)

(faint chuckle)

(tower creaking)

(lisping): Where is he? Oh, there he is!
My beloved Caesar!

No earthly monument could ever rise high
enough to rival the greatness of Caesar!

Please accept this modest banquet
as a token of--- of nothing-

That's all I got.

- Do you think I came here
all the way from Rome just to eat?

- Not even a tart or a finger sandwich?

- How about a knuckle sandwich?

Now get this garish grub out of my sight
and get rid of it!

- Hop, hop, hop, h0p--.-
When Caesar says get rid of it.--

(whistling)
-.-we get rid of it-

- Boy, what a waste!
(crying)

(sniffing)
' H m m'?

- Arrest those rebels at once!

(soldiers shouting)

- Getafix, hurry!
- I'm hurrying, I'm hurrying!

- But...!

Ah!

- Asterix, no!
The potion isn't ready!

The potion isn't ready!

(screaming)

(Asterix hiccupping)

- Getafix!

- Hmm--. Go check that out-
(whistling)

(Asterix hiccupping)

- It's over, Gaul, you lost.

This time, Rome was mightier
than your people.

Surrender and admit defeat-

- I will never surrender-
(hiccupping)

Never- I'm Asterix,
a warrior... and a Gaul.

- That's odd. I was informed the Gauls
had all become Romans.

- Yes, and it's true! Look!

They have, O Caesar, they have! You've
conquered the Gauls once and for all!

(hiccupping)
Behold your prisoners!

At long last, the moustachioed savages

and their barbarian civilization
have been eradicated!

From now on, this stupid,
arrogant little warrior

will be keeping his big, fat accomplice
company.-- in the dungeon!

(loud rumbling)

(crowd exclaiming)

(gasping)

(nervous laugh)

- Obelix...

- Nobody calls me fat!

(soldiers screaming)

- Attack!
(hiccupping)

(all): Attack!

- Attack!
- If you would be so kind!

- Obelix! Obelix!

- Open this door right now!
Caesar's orders!

- What is holding them up out there?
Are they coming to help us or not'?

- I think the answer's yes.

(woman screaming)

(loud roar)

- And fire!

Pretty please!

(soldier screaming)

If it's not too much to ask,
could you--

(screaming)

- The final touch-

- Hmm---

- You shall not pass!

- Give it a rest, you old fart!

Ah-.-
I'm in a pretty pickle, aren't I?

(whistling)

(magical music)

(screaming)

- Fellow Gauls, once again,
our freedom is under threat!

The devious tentacles of Rome--

(cheering)
- Let's get 'em!

(cackhng)

(shouting)

- The Mansions of the Gods hopes
you had a pleasant stay in Brittany! Boom!

Please use the exit located at the rear
and get your butts back to Rome

because this party is over!
(Dogmatix barking)

(panting)

- He's all yours, Obelix!
- You better believe he's mine!

I saw him first!
- Really?

- Ready, you two?
Crossover!

- Act like soldiers, for Mars' sake!

(cackhng)

(screaming)

- I demand to speak to
the person in charge!

- The person in charge would be Caesar,
ma'am.

(panting)

- What are you still doing here?
- It's a long story-

In short, um--.
when the construction was finished,

a career shift was, uh.--
the best option-

And that's when the Romans--
- That's all I need to hear!

(whip cracking)

- Wow! Hercules!

(Squareonthehypothenus screaming)

- Whatever you have in store for me,
I hope as a Gaul you'll have the dignity--

- Some nerve to talk of dignity, Julius!
- Some nerve?

- This Mansions of the Gods business
is not like you!

It's deceitful, underhanded
and plain old sneaky! Shame on you!

- What can I say?
You get an idea, you try it-

Sometimes it works--
- Sometimes it doesn't!

You're going back to Rome
and you're taking the civilians with you!

Remember you owe them
luxury accommodations.

And don't forget: there's a village
in Brittany that you will never conquer-

Not now or ever!
(Gauls cheering)

- So be it-
Vem', vidi but not vici!

Oh well, you can't vici them all, I
suppose- Come on, everyone, back to Rome.

(both chuckling)

- Oh!

But I always thought
that since lfell into the potion as a baby,

I'm not allowed to have any, right'?

(Getafix): Yeah, yeah, we know-
Just one little drop-

(slurping)

(loud growl)

(cackling, plane engine sound)

- Thanks for everything, Asterix-
Rome will seem pretty quiet to us now-

- Here, Anonymus.

A little souvenir from Brittany.

Compliments of an old druid from Gaul.

(fighting sounds)

- Here, I made you a toy
for your collection.

I'm no good at carving-
That's all I know how to make.

Oh?

(laughing)
Mischief us...

- Whoa!

Look out, here it comes!
(fighting sounds)

Hercules Giantstone!

- Romans, citizens,

I welcome you tonight
to the very first, the one and only

Who wants to be a gladiator!

(host laughing)

- Alright, listen up- Slim Jim,
you start out with the blow to the liver-

- Then you turn towards Doughboy over there
and give him the catapult slam-

- I take it Doughboy means me-
We all good?

- Then he gives you the
chinchilla chinlock.

- Just go easy, okay?
No broken bones.

- Uh... what's the
chinchilla chinlock again?

- You grab his chin
and wrench it to the side.

- Ah, we've been over it three times!

- If you do it like we practiced,
you won't get hurt, okay'?

- Uh, we did get hurt when we practiced.

- Fine, get hurt, for all I care-
- Have it your way.

- Let us thank the divine Caesar

for the gla-gla-.- for the gladi.--
for the gladiators!

(all): Ave, Caesar! Ave, Caesar!
(sighing)

(lively music)

- Get me down!

Get me down at once,
or I'll throw you to the lions!

Do you hear me?
All 75,000 of you to the lions!

- Pretty impressive-
- Who knew Anonym us had such talent-

- And look, you're all dressed like Gauls-
That takes some imagination-

- Here we g0 again! Sarcasm begins!

- I admit it, I dressed like a Roman, but
I only did it to get closer to the enemy!

- Exactly.
- Hey, we're in Gaul, not Rome!

Watch your table manners, traitor!
- I'm the traitor?

- We're invincible!
(cheering)

No, better yet: indomitable,
that's what we are!

(cheering)
indomitable!

(victorious music, birdsong)

(boar growling)

(boar sniffing)
(Cacofonix whimpering)

(Dogmatix barking)
(boar screaming)

(rhythmic music)

(Roman soldier):
So I look him straight in the eye

and I says to him, I says,
"Our demands are not negotiable! Peri0dus!"

Subtitling: CNST, Montreal