Original subtitles

I am a genius.

I am the greatest artist of the 20th century.

My name is Pablo Picasso.

I pretty much invented modern art.

And I do weird, abstract paintings...

...even though I can paint totally realistic, if I wanted to.

Also, even though I'm super short and bald...

...I am able to have sex with any beautiful woman I want...

...just because I'm so great.

Come here.

Look.

- Pretty good. - Thanks.

Some day, if you get famous, this can be worth a lot of money.

You're wasting your time, Jerome.

You gotta set your sights on a more realistic girl.

Shit, here comes Stoob.

Hey, pencil-prick, thanks for helping me with that poster for Erikson's class.

- He said I was a natural artist. - A natural scam artist.

Got that right, queer-bait.

What's this?

- Are you jacking off in school now? - It's a college brochure, you moron.

What college has a naked chick for a teacher?

She's an art model, you stupid ape.

Hey. You're all right, Platz.

I don't know, Jerome. It just seems a little too good to be true.

Don't you think?

Fucking shit!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's based on the whole thing with the campus murder, but--

Hell no, it ain't no boring-ass documentary.

Look, forget that shit, okay?

Yeah, fucking A, there's gonna be tons of action, are you kidding me?

- You're an art major? - Yeah. Drawing and painting.

- What are you guys? - I'm fashion. He's film, I guess.

Are you for real? You're shitting me, right?

- Well, yeah. - God, this is so depressing.

- Why, what's wrong? - I just really, really miss my girlfriend.

One hundred percent. Yeah, you won't be sorry.

I love you too, Grandpa. Yes!

Yes! I'm so fucking pumped!

- I'm Vince. - Hi. Jerome. How are you?

- What's your name again? - Matthew.

God, I'm so fucking jazzed. I get to make my movie.

That's fantastic.

- You guys freshmen? - Yeah.

- You a sophomore? - Junior.

It's all right. You listen to me, you'll be okay.

Why do you still live in the dorm?

A lot of juniors still live in the dorm. What's wrong with that?

That guy's some hot shit sculpture major.

I have never seen so many beautiful girls.

This is nothing. Dude, you should've seen last year's crop.

Enrollment's way off since the murders.

- What murders? - You're shitting me, right?

I heard about it. Somebody killed a guy on campus, or whatever.

Yeah. Three people in the neighborhood since March.

You're fucking with me. You've never heard about the Strathmore Strangler?

He killed a guy, like, 10 days ago.

- Are you from out of state? - The suburbs.

Then you have no excuse.

What about Richard Natwick?

- Jesus. - Sorry, I don't really follow the news.

Okay, I'm gonna give you the story-- You gotta pay attention.

Because this story is huge. This is, like, national news, man.

I'm listening.

Just after the first murder, there's this guy, Richard Natwick.

He's, like, some second-year painting major.

Does these stupid-ass word paintings.

He has a show at the student center. Cops send some guys to check it out.

But they're not used to this kind of artsy bullshit, right?

- Fucking-- - Cut your shit.

Get used to being bent over, prick.

So then a couple of professors freak out.

And before you know it, he's like a fucking martyr.

Art is not a crime! Art is not a crime!

Of course, it turns out he's completely innocent.

And the cops have to totally eat shit.

- So, what happened to him? - He had his 15 minutes of fame.

Then he got hurt real bad in some crazy-ass performance art thing.

Okay...

...hit the juice.

Anyway, you gotta read my script.

I mean, it's all in there. It's totally huge.

So, what, you don't get the paper in the suburbs?

I mean, for all they know, the killer could be from the suburbs.

Those cops, they don't know shit.

So, what, you're a drawing major?

Yeah. Drawing and painting.

That's awesome.

I hear you guys get to see tons of naked vagina.

Okay, Leslie. Time to work your magic.

First pose, people.

We're gonna hit the ground running.

Okay, first pose.

I don't have any particular wisdom to impart to you people, except this:

These four words:

Don't have unrealistic expectations.

If you wanna make money, better drop out right now.

Go to banking school or website school.

Anywhere but art school.

And remember, only one out of 100 of you...

...will ever make a living as an artist.

Hello?

Yes.

Ah, Lorenzo.

No. Absolutely, yes--

Sandy, can I get a break up here?

Take a break. Five minutes.

Are you kidding? I would absolutely love to have you look at it.

No, because I feel like I've really turned a corner with this latest series.

In January?

Yeah, yeah. I'm sure I could.

I mean, I don't think my plate is completely full.

Well, I'd be happy....

No, of course not.

Hi.

- Really pretty, what you're doing. - I gotta go.

Jesus.

Why are the people in these freshman classes exactly the same every year?

Look.

You got the vegan holy man.

The boring blowhard.

- The angry lesbian. - Professor?

Professor? Professor?

And here, you got kiss-ass.

I wanted to tell you that I looked up some of your paintings on the Internet.

- I thought they were really terrific. - You get an "A" for the class.

And Mom.

I feel that I am finally about to ripen.

Artistically.

Mom's youngest just left the nest...

...so she's ready to explore her creative side.

How do you know all this stuff?

Because I'm a living cliché just like the rest of these guys.

I'm the guy who keeps dropping out and changing majors...

...because he's afraid he really sucks at everything.

So who am I?

I don't know. I haven't figured you out yet.

Jesus.

Who's the weirdo?

Professor? Professor?

Professor Okamura?

What is your attendance policy for this class?

I...

...don't...

...care...

...if you come to class or not.

This is ready for the kiln.

Let me see if I got this right:

You're the guy that never got laid in high school.

So you came here to try to bone your way through...

...an endless lineup of art skanks.

Not exactly. I mean, I really do wanna be an artist.

A great artist, you know, if possible.

Which enables you to bone your way through a lineup of art skanks.

So why wait, man? Art school's like a pussy buffet.

I don't want just any girl.

All right.

There she is.

There is the beautiful beatnik art chick of your dreams.

- Yeah, so? - So ask her to borrow something.

It's the easiest thing in the world.

Want me to teach you? Daddy will bring you there.

- Jesus.... - Come on.

Hi....

Do you think I could borrow your pencil?

Why?

- What for? - Doesn't matter, it was a stupid idea.

Oh, my God.

You have the most beautiful eyes.

You have to let me take a picture of them.

Okay.

How about pizza? Do you wanna go get pizza?

The only trouble with that is all those beatnik chicks are totally insane.

Look, what you really want is a nice, innocent, suburban girl.

Some freshman chick who hasn't been corrupted yet.

Stay out of that cave, Koala Bear.

There's snakes and bats.

Don't be silly, Pepper. I'm not afraid of a little snake.

You know, come to think of it, they're all insane.

Just find yourself some nympho slut and get it over with.

Excuse me.

Can you help me get this off?

I want you to know, I definitely don't have AIDS.

I've been tested, like, 40 times, so I know it for a fact.

Keep the fucking kid quiet, you motherfucking asshole!

It's just my old man.

Are you serious?

You've never been laid before?

It just hasn't worked out yet. I have very high standards.

Man, I gotta take you out whore-busting some night.

We gotta remedy this situation before it gets any worse.

Maybe you have issues that make it difficult...

...to feel comfortable with your own sexuality.

Could be, I guess.

You guys know what whore-busting is, right?

You leave the money on the dresser, fuck the whore and go to sleep.

You wake up, not only is your money still there, but she's left you a tip.

It's the fucking greatest deal ever, man.

Crackheads aren't so good.

Their tip is a little glass pipe and a piece of tinfoil.

You don't want that shit. Get a nice call girl or something, you know?

You fuck a lot of chicks, Matthew?

Yeah, I figured, man.

Fashion, and all that shit. Models....

Crack whores, call girls, strippers....

We could bust some strippers together, that'd be fucking awesome.

What is art?

Is this art?

Or this?

Or this?

Who's that?

Ignore that. That's a mistake.

Hamlet. War and Peace.

"Beethoven's 9th". Guernica.

These are works which hold as much emotional resonance today...

...as they did at the time of their creation.

What makes a work of art timeless? What qualities must it possess?

- Yes? - Everything on your list...

...was done by a dead white male.

I noticed that too.

To be clear, they were not yet dead when they created those works.

You're just playing into the patriarchy.

The history of art is largely about the implementation of masculinity.

- That is such bullshit. - Part of some Darwinian imperative.

Most artists become artists because...

...they have no way to attract a mate.

I hardly think I'm the first to point out...

...that the vast preponderance of artists are, shall we say...

...physiologically deficient in some way.

Dribble the ball, Hurst!

Please don't yell.

- Going to Marvin Bushmiller's talk? - Yeah, are you?

We better get there early.

It's weird how he's so famous.

I used to see him around Strathmore when I was a freshman.

I saw his show at Broadway Bob's...

...now he's on the cover of Artforum.

- Well, that's how it works. - Platz! Get in there.

Mr. Bushmiller, The New York Times has called your work:

"An expedition to the far contours of an evolving techno-culture."

With that in mind, where do you see art headed in the 21st century?

"Art" who?

No, really, that's such...

...a stupid question.

Why don't you ask me something relevant.

Ask me how much money I have in the bank, or....

Did you learn anything at Strathmore?

Yes, I learned many things.

I learned that the faculty is made up of old failures...

...who teach only because they need the health insurance.

Present company excluded, of course.

I was about to say.

David was too busy trolling the halls for fresh meat to worry about health.

What advice would you give to a young artist--

Shut up. There's only one question any of you wanna ask.

You wanna know what it would take to turn you into me.

Well, listen closely, because I'm gonna give you the answer.

In order to be a great artist...

...you simply have to be a great artist.

There's nothing to learn, so you're all wasting your time. Go home.

Why are you such an asshole?

Now, that's a great question. No, it really is.

I am an asshole because that is my true nature.

Maybe it's everybody's true nature.

Every one of you looks like a fucking asshole, but who knows?

The difference between you and me is that...

...I have gained the freedom to express my true nature.

And what could be more beautiful than truth and freedom?

Another day, another dollar.

Hello, Larry.

Oh, by the way...

...are you and Lois gonna be free the night of January 18th?

How the hell should I know?

Well, I have to do this little gallery thing.

Lorenzo Massengale has been torturing me...

...to put my new series of paintings in his new space...

...and I just thought maybe you and Lois would want an invitation.

I think I'm busy that night, Sandiford.

Here, I stopped off at Broadway Bob's. You're welcome.

I thought Broadway Bob's was an art gallery or something.

It's a very famous shithole run by an obnoxious windbag...

...who takes credit for the career of every half-talented monkey...

...who ever took a class at Strathmore.

But the coffee's good.

Hello, Lorenzo, it's Sandy.

Just wanted to make sure you got the slides and....

You don't need to call me, because I have a class starting.

So I will call you afterwards.

Thanks. Bye.

Sorry I'm late.

Hello, dear.

Looks like this is our lucky day.

I'm sorry, Sandy, I'm just dying for a cigarette.

Yes, absolutely. Five-minute break.

I'm gonna go to the john.

Let me borrow this.

All right.

She smiled at you, how sweet.

You've seen her before? Who is she?

Don't get your hopes up. She's prime real estate, my friend.

Hey, faggots.

What a cute couple.

I think they like us.

- Is she a student or just a model? - Can we forget about her for a minute?

We're about to have a life-changing experience here.

Jimmy, it's Bardo.

Brought someone over to meet you.

I got a bottle of Slivovitz here.

It's 80 proof, made in Poland, imported by--

Boys, welcome.

I'm afraid you've interrupted me in the middle of one of my shows.

This is Jerome.

Hi, nice to meet you. Thank you for having us.

A pleasure.

Isn't this a great place?

Jimmy's got rent control.

So Jerome here...

...wants to be a great artist, Jimmy.

How terrific.

Jerome, are you exceptionally skilled as a cocksucker?

It wasn't a rhetorical question.

Are you a great artist when it comes to fellatio?

No.

No, I guess not.

Well, that's no good.

So who do you like?

Who's your favorite artist, Jerome?

- Maybe Picasso. - I see.

Very good.

Our old friend...

..."pick-asshole."

The nasty little dwarf who went his whole life...

...without a single original thought.

I presume you're joking, right?

Jimmy's a Strathmore grad.

Just look at me now.

Just think, Jerome. One day, this could all be yours.

You're going places, young man. I can feel it.

But you need to take some lessons in sucking cock and licking ass.

Otherwise, you might find yourself rotting away in some shithole...

...postponing suicide for the slim chance that you might one day...

...possibly see some glorious plague or pestilence...

...bring horrible suffering to your hateful species.

What are you smiling about?

Laugh away, laughing boy!

I will stomp your guts till they shoot out your ass!

I will bury you alive and shit on your grave!

Okay, boys. Show's over.

I have to get back to my masturbation.

Isn't Jimmy great?

Yeah, definitely.

Self-portrait.

Starting next week...

...I will be selecting the most effective work from each session...

...and placing it in the hall gallery.

- Which gallery? - It's on this floor.

- Down at the end of the hall. - By the men's toilet?

Yes.

Now, let's get started on these.

Who wants to comment?

I like Flower's drawing.

- Yeah. Me too. - It seems like she's trying to do...

...something more than just draw herself.

It's more about the process of drawing.

All right. Does anything else up here command your attention?

Does anyone have anything more to say on Flower's piece?

Yes, Jerome?

- Nothing. - Well, "nothing" doesn't exist...

...in this classroom. What are you thinking?

We're waiting, Jerome.

I don't know. It just--

It looks like a lame Cy Twombly imitation to me.

It looks like she did it in about two minutes.

That is such bullshit.

Because her drawing isn't perfect, it's automatically bad?

At least it has humanity.

Yeah, totally.

Jerome, your drawing looks like it was done by a machine.

Whereas Flower's....

Flower's is full of playfulness and....

Yeah, like, humanity.

What's so great about humanity?

Humans are a bunch of jerks. I hope a plague wipes out the species.

- What is your problem? - Jesus Christ, Jerome.

Okay, that's enough.

This is a required assignment. I have to give it to you.

And, Flower, it is certainly not worth crying about, okay?

Hey, man.

I agree with you 100 percent.

I think the entire human race should be wiped off the face of the earth.

Oh, I didn't really mean-- I was just--

You don't have to apologize.

I'm totally with you on this.

So this is the hall gallery.

Hey.

You guys have to come to my opening tonight.

You were really an asshole in class today.

Hey. You guys.

So are we gonna go see Shilo's opening?

- How did she ever get a gallery show? - It's totally meaningless.

Any idiot could sign up for a student gallery.

Oh, my God.

What?

I didn't notice that. We gotta go.

Great work, Shilo.

Hey.

Do you know this girl?

Yeah. We had her as a model. Remember?

But do you know who she is? Do you know her name?

You are such a prick.

What? You can't say anything nice about my photos?

- Hi. - Hi.

That came out really good.

- Thank you. - Shilo.

What?

Oh, hi. I'm Audrey, by the way.

So is that your real name?

Or are you just obsessed with Audrey Hepburn like every art school chick?

I was named after an old cartoon.

Another ironic pop culture reference.

She's a keeper.

- Hey. - God, do you know that guy?

- No. I thought he was your friend. - No way.

Oh, you're the guy from Sandy's class.

I have such a bad memory for faces. I'm sorry.

That's okay. I'm Jerome.

I was thinking about you today.

I saw an old photo of Marie-Thérèse Walter...

...and it looked just like the way that you drew me.

She's one of the women who modeled for Picasso.

I know just the picture you're talking about.

You do?

Let's get out of here.

What? I said I liked your photos.

- You didn't have to do that. - It's okay.

I couldn't bear to watch you get cornered by that creep again.

Well, I have to get going anyway. I'm kind of making the rounds tonight.

Really? Well, maybe sometime we could--

I have to go to a Donald Baumgarten show.

Oh, I know who he is. He's an old pop art guy, right?

Yeah, he's really good. He's great.

He's absolutely awful. But I can't get out of it.

Do you wanna go with me?

Come on, please. I hate to take the subway by myself.

Especially with that weirdo out there strangling everybody.

A little bit. Well, my parents go a lot.

Hi.

Audrey, I was afraid you weren't coming.

So how's it going?

Well, I think I might have sold two of the small ones.

- The ones you hate. - I like them just fine. You know that.

Just not as much as the big, blue ones.

I know.

Daddy, this is Jerome.

Jerome is a big fan of yours. I brought him to meet you.

Jerome, this is Donald Baumgarten.

Wow. I'm a big fan of yours, sir. It's really a pleasure.

My pleasure, son.

Daddy, I hate to do this, but I don't think we can stay.

Jerome has to meet someone at another party, and we're late, so--

- Will I see you on Sunday? - I'll call you.

I can't believe you grew up with a dad like that.

He's a famous artist.

He's hardly a famous artist.

It's really heartbreaking.

He should've given up, like, 30 years ago.

God, I am starving.

- Should we go eat somewhere? - Sure.

Have you ever heard of Broadway Bob's?

So why are you a model? Just for the money?

Oh, yeah. I make a fortune.

My God, is that who I think it is?

He's always here.

That table is practically reserved for post-minimalists.

This is where everybody gets their first big show.

It's like the launching pad from Strathmore to the real world.

- How do they pick who gets a show? - They go to the surveys and all that.

What's the matter? Don't you love me anymore?

When's the last time you came to see me?

Jerome, this is Broadway Bob.

- How you doing? - Hi.

Bob knows everybody.

Every artist you can think of had their first show in this place.

Bushmiller, Naugle, Bilbo, you name it.

The minute they get famous, they got no time for me, right?

Hey! I told you to stop hassling my customers!

Hector! Fucking Brown Shirts.

What are you doing?

- Good to see you. - Bye.

- Tell your father I said hi. - Okay.

- Hey. Excuse me. - Yeah, what?

You wanna help me out? I got two homeless fucks outside...

...that panhandle all day. They bother my customers outside.

This kid's not a serial killer. Look at that guy out there.

- Just get the fuck out. - All right, let's go.

- Your coffee sucks. - Go to Starbucks.

Who's this?

- Jerome, this is Candace. - Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you.

Audrey and I used to bump cunts.

Just kidding.

But little Audrey doesn't wanna play with me anymore, does she.

What do you think of these paintings?

They're okay. I mean, they're not the most--

They're Candace's paintings.

- They're really good. - Where do you find them, Audrey?

Anyway, thanks to this little exhibit, I'll get a spring show at the Haberman.

- That's really great. Congratulations. - I know. Golly gosh!

- You. Get over here. - Later, kids.

What's this I hear about a show at Haberman? You gotta let me know....

So, what do you wanna do, Jerome?

I wanna be the greatest artist of the 21st century.

Oh, I just meant, "What do you wanna do now?"

I should probably get home.

- I'm stupid-- - No, no, I think it's great.

I think you really could be a great artist.

You have the right kind of...

...energy.

- You won't believe-- - Did you hear the news?

- No, but guess where I was? - The strangler got another one.

Some poor schmuck on his way to the subway. I got a major rewrite to do.

- I was on the subway tonight. - You're lucky to be alive.

- Anyway, guess what I was doing. - Smoking pole?

No, I was on a date with the most beautiful girl in the whole school.

All right. Can I smell your finger?

Look.

No shit.

- Nice. - Yeah. She thinks I'm a great artist.

You fucking snake. What the fuck are you doing here?

Did you already pop her?

No, I....

- You know, we just met-- - Man, if she was my girlfriend...

...I would be pounding that shit day and night.

November 28th.

November 28th.

Try and keep that date...

...in your tiny, little, drug-addled brains.

That is the date of the post-Thanksgiving assessment...

...where you'll put up all your work...

...and a bunch of us professors are gonna sneak in...

...behind your backs and give you a grade.

However, that is but a mere prelude to this day:

December 19th.

December 19th is the final survey where you will receive...

...your one-and-only official grade for this class...

...provided, of course, you all haven't been murdered by then.

I heard the final survey is where big-shot gallery owners...

...show up to troll for new talent.

I wouldn't worry about that too much right now.

This could be a big break for somebody.

But this is not Schwab's drugstore. You are definitely not Lana Turner.

- What does that mean? - It means you children are too young...

...to be worrying about that.

Now, Eno, why haven't you been doing the assignments?

Frankly, I find them constricting and largely irrelevant.

My work has nothing to do with form or light or color...

...but with questioning the nature of aesthetic experience.

I'll buy that.

- Jonah, what about you? - I'll bring something next time. Sorry.

I also heard that the student with the best grade...

- ...gets a show at Broadway Bob's. - That's been known to happen, yes.

Professor Okamura said no one in your class ever got the best grade.

Well, Larry seems to care about that kind of thing a lot more than I do.

And Larry has a tendency to live vicariously through his students...

...which I find rather pathetic.

I also heard they're cutting faculty, and all the profs...

...are shitting bricks trying to get a student to the Broadway Bob show.

Actually. I'm too busy concentrating on my own painting...

...to get involved with any kind of faculty intrigue.

Is it true Marvin Bushmiller got his break when he got the best grade?

Audrey.

Hi.

I just came in to get a coffee.

I have to model for Professor Bogle's class at 6:30.

Can I walk with you?

God, you're so polite. Sure.

Look at you.

So content with your happy, little lives.

But none of you know the taste of true happiness...

...the happiness that only death can bring.

I am hell on earth, personified!

What do you think? Should I trim that last part?

How much longer you gonna be?

It's up to the boss.

See you later.

Hey, hey, hey. You can't just leave.

What do you think of the movie so far?

- It's fine. - Yeah. Thanks.

She doesn't get this kind of stuff. I wouldn't worry about it.

I gotta cram some love story into this thing, man.

Those skags make up 50 percent of the audience.

You're missing the best part.

Hey.

Now...

...we're not gonna have any more official assignments in this class.

Last week, I asked you to bring in what you thought was your...

...best work of art, old or new. Okay?

And we're gonna use that work...

...as a starting point to, hopefully, help you become better artists.

"We live in a police state."

Ain't that the truth.

This is interesting.

That's not finished, but I thought the class might find it interesting...

...to see the various stages of my process.

Indeed.

And what have we here?

- Who did this? - That's mine.

Where have you been all my life?

- What do we think of this work, class? - It's so....

It's like, he figured out how to unlearn all the typical art school bullshit.

It's really great.

It has the singularity of outsider art, though the conscious rejection...

...of spatial dynamics could only come from an intimacy...

...with the conventions of picture-making.

Are you kidding me?

You look at--?

Professor Okamura, what are some of your favorite Halloween memories?

- Hi. - Oh, hi.

You want a drink? There's some weird orange punch over there.

- Yeah. That's really sweet. Thank you. - Okay.

Better get back there. You're about to get cock-blocked by Joe College.

How did you do that painting?

It's like you've never seen another painting before.

What the fuck?

My God, we look like Bonnie and Clyde.

Oh, thanks.

Isn't it weird? Look how perfectly we match.

- That's great. - There's an empty seat over there.

Looks like a duel.

No? Comments?

Jonah's seems totally original and authentic.

And Jerome's just seems lame.

It's pathetic. No offense.

Yeah, it's like Jonah is tapping...

...into this total childhood innocence.

He's got a whole way of seeing that's completely outside the box.

And Jerome is totally in the box, you know?

- Yeah. It sucks. - You know, Jerome's is really--

Okay, I think that's fine. We shouldn't be too hard on Jerome.

Jerome's trying to do something that is essentially impossible.

He's trying to sing in his own voice...

...using someone else's vocal chords.

I mean, it's the greatest. He picks a completely random victim.

I mean, this chick was, like....

She was, like, a cashier or something.

- How do they know it's the same guy? - Come on, it's obvious.

There's a million clues. For one thing, he always--

- Okay, I believe you. - Look at her.

She was only 31 years old.

I mean, it's like a goddamn miracle.

Here I am, busting my nuts...

...trying to find some female character for my movie...

...and this guy goes and drops one right in my lap.

Murder?

Don't worry so much, man. No one's gonna murder me.

I don't want nothing to happen to my best ho.

The streets ain't safe no more. Not since--

Fuck you.

You're just trying to keep me down, and I am not your whore any more.

I mean....

I'm not your whore no more.

This is total shit, you know that?

No, I don't know that.

Come on. All of this "gangsta," "motherfucker" bullshit.

Why do you wanna regurgitate this Hollywood crap for the zillionth time?

Don't you have anything original to say?

- I think I do. - Then you need to say it.

Because this is completely worthless.

- Hello? - Hi. It's Jerome Platz.

- Hey, Jerome Platz. - Hey, I was just calling....

To-- I've got--

I've gotta go home for Thanksgiving, and I was wondering...

...if you had any plans, if, maybe, you wanted to come with me....

Unfortunately, I have to go up north to visit my grandmother.

- But that's really nice of you. - No....

Don't be silly.

Have a great time. I'll talk to you soon.

- Okay. Bye. - Take care. Bye.

I think maybe I'll go on tour with Dominick's band this summer.

They're playing shows in the Midwest. They need someone to sell T-shirts.

Who's Dominick?

This guy, who's friends with Stacy's big brother.

- Forget about it. - God, you are so unfair.

Jerome gets to go to art school, and I can't go on a summer trip.

You gonna get a job doing paintings somewhere once school's done?

That's not really how it works.

Who in their right mind would buy your paintings?

- Cynthia. - God, you love Jerome more than me.

You know what you gotta do?

Figure out who's the top guy in your business and hook up with him.

It's not what you do so much as who you know.

That's how it is in my business, and it's all about business.

Yeah. Actually, I've kind of made a connection already.

My girlfriend's dad is kind of a famous artist, so....

- Your what? - Hugh...

...help me get the rest of the pies out of the oven?

We thought for sure you were a homo.

My friend's granddaughter paints little pictures on the shoes--

Oh, what do you call them?

Anyhow, she paints pictures of little animals and whatnot.

And I believe the other children pay her for it.

"Sneakers."

Isn't that what they call them?

Anyhow, that's something I thought you could do, Jeremy.

It's not that at all. It's just that, I really felt that they were...

...some of, really, the best things I'd done in a very long time.

And I'm just....

And I'm just slightly...

...surprised that....

Yeah, you're absolutely right.

I'm Helena Sandiford. Sandy will be right with you.

Thank you so much. I really appreciate--

No, I do. I do understand.

No. Not at all.

And I really appreciate you looking at the slides.

Yeah.

And you.

Bye.

Go fuck yourself, Lorenzo!

Those are mine, yes.

They're really good.

Yes, I rather like them.

Unfortunately, we're not in the majority, Jerome.

Apparently, they're a little too "difficult" for some people.

So how long have you been doing the triangles?

A long time.

I was one of the first.

So tell me, Jerome...

...what are you not getting out of my class?

I don't know. I feel like...

...I don't really know what I'm doing and....

Maybe I should be finding my own style...

...or voice or something.

That is absolute bullshit.

What would an artist at your age want with a style?

What about Jonah? He's got sort of a style.

No, Jonah doesn't have a style. He has a sort of "nowness."

It's exciting. It's seductive.

But that does not mean, Jerome...

...that he is a better artist than you are. Far from it.

You're very similar to me.

It is going to take you a very long time...

...to get where you're going.

Look, do you have any idea...

...how long it took me to paint like this?

- No. - Twenty-five years.

Jerome, it is absolutely essential at your age...

...that you start to experiment with all the arts...

...all the philosophies and all the lifestyles.

So, that's what you think I should do, is try a bunch of different styles...

...and see where it takes me?

Yes, yes and yes, Jerome.

- Okay. - I have seen so many young artists...

...get locked into this incredibly rigid way of thinking.

So that's what I should try to do, is experiment?

Absolutely.

And I am here to facilitate that experimentation...

...in any way I can...

...either in or out of the classroom.

Thank you, professor.

For the last time, come on, get out.

Get out of my building.

He says they're all done. We can go in now.

Too experimental.

You're all over the map.

No focus.

Hollow and derivative.

You need to be yourself.

What's up, Platz?

- Hey. - Hey.

So are you going to Marvin Bushmiller's opening?

No. I didn't even know about it.

It might be an invite-only thing.

It's probably done through his gallery.

- I'm sure it'll be a total drag, anyway. - When is it?

I don't even know.

- Hey. - Hey.

I can't believe it.

I got an "A."

Everybody got an "A".

It's a total scam to trick everybody into feeling good about themselves.

Yeah, well, I never got better than a "C" in my whole life.

That's hard to believe.

Yeah, well, guess I didn't go to class too much.

- I was too busy getting into trouble. - Really.

Yeah, me too.

No kidding.

Did you grow up in the city?

Well, not right in the city.

But I came here all the time.

All the fucking time. Practically lived here.

So...

...how about it, dude?

You got any deep, dark secrets we should know about?

Forgive me!

What the hell was that?

Don't worry, it's a totally rough cut. That's a temp score without--

I thought you were gonna make a nice little murder picture...

...but, here, you got the worms and the dancing....

- Did you like it? - It's symbolism, Grandpa.

And where are the guns? I thought this was a shoot-them-up.

The guy's a strangler, Grandpa. What am I supposed to do?

I want guns.

The movie is called, The Strathmore Strangler.

You want the strangler to shoot people?

I paid for a movie with guns.

Hello, Torsiello Gallery. I can put you on the pre-waiting list.

It's not working. Do it better.

Excuse me.

We're closed.

I heard that Mr. Bushmiller was having a party tonight.

And I was just wondering if there was--

Sorry. Invite only.

I was gonna make up some elaborate lie, but I decided to be honest.

I'm desperate. I'm not crazy. I won't even talk to Mr. Bushmiller.

You see how busy I am here?

Please.

Please.

Did you put any grenadine in this?

I'm new to this. I'm sorry.

I'd like a Martell.

There you go.

I heard that Marvin needed some help, so I figured, why not?

I'll have a....

I'm just gonna take one of these.

Just a Bud is fine.

We have....

Hoegaarden...

...or Stella Artois.

The first one.

You look pretty busy, so....

I drink Slivovitz, not Sambuca.

You were right about art.

It's all about the cock-sucking.

It's not what you do, but who you blow.

And even that's not enough.

You don't even have a chance, unless you're the most ruthless...

...cold-blooded....

Jesus, I'm really sorry.

Have you heard about the great man's latest masterpiece?

- No. - Some of his finest work, I believe.

Damn good stuff.

Who? The murderer?

"The murderer"?

That's so disrespectful.

Got a few victims for him, if he's interested.

Do you wanna see my paintings?

This is my humble tribute to the great man.

He doesn't simply reproduce reality, like an ordinary idiot artist.

He courageously reshapes it to suit his own needs.

And why did our great artist select these particular victims?

Who can say?

A real artist knows when he's found his ideal subject.

Perhaps, this one was a dishonest cashier.

This one might have reminded him of a domineering aunt.

And this one....

Maybe he was just too stupid to be allowed to live.

All of humanity is too stupid to live.

Fuck them all.

My boy.

I say, you can't do anything really good...

...until you truly don't care at all if you live or die.

Kill me right now. I couldn't care less.

It's only when every human misery is just a big joke...

...that you can finally get some enjoyment out of this life.

I wish someone would kill me right now.

- Do you want me to kill you? - Go for it.

Well, I guess I'd better be going, before I throw up on your rug again.

Wait.

I wanna give you something.

- What's this? - A gift, from me to you.

- No, I couldn't. - You could.

You could.

Let's see some ID.

ID.

Are you drunk?

No.

Well, look who's here.

One of those. Where the hell you been all week?

Been having a really hard time.

Yeah?

Well, you should just do what I always do.

Drop out, and start over again next semester.

This is my third time, soon to be my fourth.

You don't understand. I'll never have another chance like this.

I can't just...

...start over.

I'll never find another Audrey.

Don't start with this shit again.

Every artist needs a subject, and she's my perfect subject.

- I can't let her slip through my fingers. - Hey, come on.

Let's rescue these art chicks. That's easy pickings.

If I can just come up with something for that final survey...

...she'll forget all about Jonah.

- We're gonna miss our chance here. - I just need to think of something.

There they go.

What can I do?

You know, I think I just figured out who you are.

- Who? - You're the class douche bag.

Thanks for the beer.

Oh, please. You can't fall for every guy who does a halfway-decent painting.

I don't know.

There's something about him.

You don't need any more boyfriends, you need about 15 years of therapy.

I thought you were all mad for what's-his-name.... Jonah.

Look...

...when this one doesn't work out...

...you can always come crawling back to me.

So, looks like you finally got Jonah on the run.

- What do you mean? - He was asking about...

...some painting of yours. You got a surprise for the final survey?

What do you want?

I need a big favor.

- I see you've come empty-handed. - I know. I'm sorry.

You must think I'm the cheapest whore in town.

I'll bring you a case of Slivovitz. Whatever you want.

I just-- I wanna buy the rest of your paintings.

- They're not for sale. - Please, just tell me what you want.

- I don't want anything. - I'm just fucking lost--

- I thought you were an artist. - I am. I am.

You wanna be an artist or an "aficionado"?

An artist.

What do you think an artist cares about?

Does he think all day about fine wines...

...and black-tie affairs...

...and what he's gonna say at the next after-dinner speech?

No.

He lives only for that narcotic moment of creative bliss.

A moment...

...that may come once a decade.

Or never at all.

You think I'm wrong?

Fuck you.

You know nothing at all about anything.

- Listen, I don't care about fine wines. - Oh, I know what you want.

If it was me, I'd get my way by any means possible.

I'd grab them by the balls, and I'd never stop twisting.

Once you're on top, they're helpless.

You've got them squirming under the toe of your shoe.

Would you please put out that goddamn cigarette...

...before you kill me with your awful smoke!

What about the paintings?

I don't care, do whatever you want.

- Can I talk to you for a second? - Sure.

I have a confession to make.

Yeah?

Forget it.

- No, what? - Nothing. Forget I said anything.

- What is it? Some boyfriend problem? - What? Why?

- I don't know. What is it? - Why did you say that?

Do you think I'm gay?

- I don't know. - Really?

Yeah. Maybe a little, I guess.

Yeah. Well, that's it.

That's my confession.

I think I'm gay.

Okay.

Okay.

I thought you said you were working.

I am working. I gotta have this done for Monday.

It looks fine, Jonah. It doesn't have to be perfect.

It's got a long way to go.

What's gotten into you? When you were working Narcotics...

...you didn't spend your off-hours smoking crack.

And what about your son? He misses his daddy.

Will you get off my ass for once?

Lonny and the guys are here, or are you too busy for them?

Well, look who's here. How's the Mona Lisa coming, Rembrandt?

You're off duty, Jonah. You don't gotta dress like a fruitcake.

Yeah. It's good to see you guys too.

How much longer is this gonna go on, Lonny?

I never see him anymore since he became an artist.

I'm just trying to do my job.

That's a good question, Marie. So, what about it, superstar?

Hey, we got the blow-ups of the pictures you took.

He used the same colors we found on the glove of the first crime scene.

I don't know about this guy Platz.

He didn't live near the campus when the first killings took place.

He used to come to the city all the time. He told me so himself.

It would've helped if you had taken a paint sample.

You can't just monkey around with a piece of art like that--

"Piece of shit" is more like it. You take a look at this fucking thing?

Excuse me, Marie.

We can't even question this asshole? It's like he's making fun of us.

I'm taking shit to this day about that first weirdo you dragged in.

I can't afford any more fuck-ups.

I need better shit than this, Jonah.

Listen to me, Gerry.

Will you listen to me? Look....

I know you're a genius, but I'm a genius too.

What are you, on vacation? Move your ass.

Look, this dyke is gonna make us both a fortune, I'm telling you.

I'm 100 percent on this one.

Fine. Don't listen to me. What do I care?

Don't you ever call me again, you ungrateful prick.

Excuse me? I'm in your Tuesday/Thursday class.

Can I ask you a question?

So, there's this...

...freshman survey tomorrow.

And you wanna know what you can do...

...to land a big gallery contract like Marvin Bushmiller.

No. Not exactly.

Perhaps you want a major retrospective at the Metropolitan?

Actually, there's someone who....

I don't know. I want her to....

It's for a girl?

Yeah.

You wanna take the prize so you can win the heart of a girl?

Yeah.

That's so exciting.

Think you could look at my paintings and tell me if they're good enough?

No.

But I'll be rooting for you.

Hey.

Think Jonah's getting any gash on the side?

No. Marie's got him so pussy-whipped it's not even funny.

Hey, hey.

That's our guy. That's our guy, right there.

Will you look at him.

I ought to wring his neck right now.

- What the fuck are we waiting for? - He couldn't strangle a cat.

Fucking scumbag!

Where the fuck is Jonah? Lonny told him to be on the guy's ass.

Jesus, that was disappointing.

Who are you trying to fool with that badass stuff?

All that murder shit? Totally September 10th, Jerome.

Jerome....

Have you seen Jonah?

No.

Don't despair, okay?

You call me over the break, and we'll get you right back on track.

Okay?

Okay, you win.

It's all yours, so live it up.

- Jerome-- - You're the one out of 100...

...that goes on to fame and fortune. I'm just another deluded asshole.

- These paintings-- - Fuck those paintings, and fuck you.

You have everybody fooled, but not me.

You came up with a good gimmick, your tough-guy, Joe Normal act...

...but your paintings are fucking bullshit, and you know it.

Well I still kicked your ass, didn't I?

Jonah, come on. Where you been? We gotta go.

Jerome, wait here. I wanna talk to you.

You have to meet your public.

Marvelous work, Jonah.

Good job, Jonah.

Building burned up.

Everybody died.

Some asshole didn't put out his cigarette.

This is it.

What the fuck, Jonah.

Mikey, get your ass over here.

Where's Jonah?

So?

What? This fucking nobody is gonna stand me up?

I gave him the message, Mr. D'Annunzio.

Hey, come on. Bob hates people being late.

I really gotta find Jerome.

Come on.

Don't shoot me, man! Don't shoot!

Police! Get down on the ground!

Face down!

Cut! What are you doing, asshole, you ruined my best take!

My arm.... I think my arm is broken.

Well, that's great! What in fuck's name do I do now?

Hey!

Where have you been?

What the hell is this?

What is this nonsense?

Let's go, hotshot. Chief wants you right now, come on.

What are you thinking, huh? You paying attention to me?

God, I'm a fucking idiot.

Did you see a portrait of me?

A really beautiful--

It was right here.

I chucked everything out back.

Police! Open the door! I got a warrant!

Police! Don't try anything!

- Oh, Jesus. - This isn't what you think.

- Jerome Platz! - Jerome Platz!

Jerome Platz! You in there?

- Jerome Platz! - Hey, Jerome Platz!

Audrey, I know you don't care about me...

...but maybe someday you'll--

Excuse me. Police business. Clear the way, please. Excuse me.

Are we gonna have a problem?

Excuse me, please. Excuse me.

Go draw something, will you?

Lonny, I'm sorry.

I know I let personal things get in the way of my job...

- ...but it'll never happen again. - Superstar, we got him.

- All's well that ends well, okay? - Hey, Jonah.

You suck!!

Have a nice death, pig.

You wanna spit at us again?

I will take you down so fast, you got no idea, you fucking freak.

Mikey, let's clear it up and get out of here.

- Kevin, you wanna ride with him? - Let me do it, Lonny.

- Yeah, you fucking pig! - Fucking pig!

Well, I knew there was something weird about you.

What did you really think about my...?

Did you think my paintings were any good at all?

- Yeah, maybe. - I could have made it as an artist?

No, I don't know about that.

Hey.

So are you really the guy?

Jerome, look over here! Let me get a picture! Jerome!

Jerome. Visiting hours.

Should we judge an artist by what he does in his personal life?

If he's an anti-Semite, like T.S. Eliot...

...or a bully, like Picasso...

...or in this case, a murderer...

...should his art have any less value?

I think not.

Look, if I wanna have a showing of this artist's work...

...nobody has any right to stop me.

I'm fighting for First Amendment rights.

You're with me or you're a fucking Nazi, as far as I'm concerned.

What? Why can't I say that?

We didn't even know it was a documentary at first, but then...

...you know, it just sort of all came together.

I mean, that's the way I like to work. Finding my way as I go along.

No, I don't think I'd ever sell it.

Jerome was always so passionate about his art.

It's really unfortunate what happened...

...but, I mean, I always knew he'd be a famous artist someday.

I just wanna do what's best for my client.

Why don't you trust Jerome to know what's best?

And what's best for Jerome is to stay for as long as possible...

...followed by a lengthy trial.

I have more than enough evidence to get him out.

- This case should not even go to trial. - Where the fuck did they find you?

Jerome needs a lawyer who understands what to do...

...when a situation like this presents itself.

I am very close to the family. I went to school with Hugh Platz.

That's real nice. Now, look....

You know how many paintings I can sell for your client...

...while this is going on?

Jerome. How's my boy?

- How's the work coming? - It's fine.

Can't believe how many people are calling about you.

- I had to cut off the waiting list. - Great.

Jerome, I just wanna let you know...

...if you change your mind, we can get you out of here.

I know, I know. But we've been through all this.

Are these my only visitors?

Jerome, you get a chance to call the guy from Artforum?

He wants to talk. Also, did you take a moment to look at those papers?

I need you to sign the yellow one.

Keep your chin up, Jerome. We all love you.

- All right. - I'll call you tonight.

Hi.

Hey.

- Can we go now? - Cut.