Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,039 --> 00:00:06,829
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
2
00:00:07,197 --> 00:00:08,207
[SHATTERS, ALL GASP]
3
00:00:08,222 --> 00:00:09,702
Well, my brainy little babies,
4
00:00:10,526 --> 00:00:12,953
I have officially been
thrown off the Harvard teat.
5
00:00:12,978 --> 00:00:14,750
I thought you were
fired a long time ago.
6
00:00:14,775 --> 00:00:16,352
Oh, I was, Marcus, yeah.
7
00:00:16,377 --> 00:00:18,758
I was kicked off the
salary and housing teat,
8
00:00:18,783 --> 00:00:20,625
but I was able to remain firmly latched
9
00:00:20,650 --> 00:00:22,342
on to their phone-plan teat.
10
00:00:22,837 --> 00:00:25,255
- _
- Guys, if he says "teat" one more time,
11
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:26,780
we might be able to get him fired.
12
00:00:27,809 --> 00:00:29,775
Let's try and stay focused
on my phone, Sarika.
13
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,240
Uh, now, before you suggest
14
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:32,775
that I just go to a phone store
15
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,356
and sign up for my own plan...
16
00:00:34,381 --> 00:00:35,760
How is that not the solution?
17
00:00:35,785 --> 00:00:38,497
Well, Anthony, because I have... Anyone?
18
00:00:39,617 --> 00:00:42,122
Atrocious credit. Yeah, yeah.
19
00:00:42,384 --> 00:00:45,344
No carrier will trust
me, so I am off the grid
20
00:00:45,597 --> 00:00:47,089
until I come up with a solution.
21
00:00:47,139 --> 00:00:49,099
[DRAMATIC NOTE]
22
00:00:49,124 --> 00:00:51,234
Are you saying you have no phone?
23
00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:53,249
Like, for good?
24
00:00:53,274 --> 00:00:55,365
- That's what I'm saying.
- Are you gonna die?
25
00:00:55,563 --> 00:00:57,260
I mean, there's an outside chance
26
00:00:57,285 --> 00:00:58,765
you could get on my family's plan.
27
00:00:59,063 --> 00:01:00,291
Yeah, I mean, my parents would have
28
00:01:00,315 --> 00:01:01,377
to get to know you a little better,
29
00:01:01,401 --> 00:01:03,041
but we could schedule
a series of dinners.
30
00:01:03,391 --> 00:01:06,260
You know what? I would
dislike that, Marcus.
31
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,975
- I would dislike that very much.
- Yeah.
32
00:01:09,350 --> 00:01:10,440
But...
33
00:01:11,045 --> 00:01:13,605
the notion of piggybacking
on somebody else's phone plan
34
00:01:13,630 --> 00:01:15,370
is very intriguing.
35
00:01:15,410 --> 00:01:16,760
[RAMONES' "LISTEN TO MY HEART"]
36
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,360
♪ One, two, three, four! ♪
37
00:01:18,385 --> 00:01:21,038
♪ Next time, I'll listen to my heart ♪
38
00:01:21,063 --> 00:01:23,810
♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪
39
00:01:23,860 --> 00:01:26,285
♪♪
40
00:01:26,310 --> 00:01:28,310
♪ A.P. Bio 2x10 ♪
Handcuffed
41
00:01:28,335 --> 00:01:30,835
- Synced and corrected by Firefly -
- www.addic7ed.com -
42
00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,820
[CALMING ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING]
43
00:01:33,870 --> 00:01:38,650
♪♪
44
00:01:38,857 --> 00:01:40,495
What up, Helen DeGeneres?
45
00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:42,830
How's my little puppy bird?
46
00:01:42,855 --> 00:01:44,987
You know. Uh, is Principal Durbin ready
47
00:01:45,012 --> 00:01:46,740
for me to interview him
for the school paper?
48
00:01:46,764 --> 00:01:49,903
Uh, ready? He is so excited.
49
00:01:50,317 --> 00:01:51,769
We're gonna have to
wait a second, though,
50
00:01:51,793 --> 00:01:54,141
because he's in there
delivering a bummer bomb.
51
00:01:54,166 --> 00:01:55,580
[DOOR OPENS]
52
00:01:55,605 --> 00:01:57,555
Gary, no one has signed up
53
00:01:57,580 --> 00:01:59,280
for Coin Club in three years.
54
00:01:59,330 --> 00:02:00,630
I had to cut something.
55
00:02:00,812 --> 00:02:02,334
One of these days, you're gonna find
56
00:02:02,359 --> 00:02:04,288
a beautiful Sacagawea,
and you're gonna be like,
57
00:02:04,313 --> 00:02:06,043
"Where's Gary? I want to talk about it."
58
00:02:06,319 --> 00:02:08,599
And I'm gonna be... poof... ghost.
59
00:02:09,509 --> 00:02:11,665
Oh, God. I...
60
00:02:11,690 --> 00:02:15,023
I hate, hate giving people bad news.
61
00:02:15,048 --> 00:02:16,665
Their faces... they look like
62
00:02:16,690 --> 00:02:18,260
teddy bears in a Dumpster.
63
00:02:18,331 --> 00:02:20,557
You're the principal. Let it rip.
64
00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:22,365
You can tell them whatever you want.
65
00:02:22,390 --> 00:02:23,740
I know, but I...
66
00:02:23,780 --> 00:02:25,050
Ugh. I just feel sick.
67
00:02:25,207 --> 00:02:26,487
I feel sick, too.
68
00:02:26,935 --> 00:02:28,545
Though it could be because I ate a
69
00:02:28,570 --> 00:02:31,795
shellacked caramel off a old
Christmas ornament last night.
70
00:02:32,750 --> 00:02:34,320
I can be honest with you guys.
71
00:02:34,912 --> 00:02:36,212
[CLEARS THROAT]
72
00:02:36,366 --> 00:02:38,970
[CALMING ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYING]
73
00:02:39,176 --> 00:02:40,550
Gonna try to work it out.
74
00:02:41,929 --> 00:02:43,090
Drop it down the pike.
75
00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,420
♪♪
76
00:02:46,868 --> 00:02:47,937
So...
77
00:02:47,962 --> 00:02:49,435
how are things with Seth?
78
00:02:50,054 --> 00:02:51,514
- Good.
- Mm.
79
00:02:52,758 --> 00:02:54,470
Ugh. Ugh.
80
00:02:56,983 --> 00:02:58,950
- Mm-hmm.
- [ALL GROANING]
81
00:02:59,892 --> 00:03:01,697
- Mary, you want some?
- No.
82
00:03:02,022 --> 00:03:04,960
So he took you out again last night?
83
00:03:05,315 --> 00:03:06,365
Sort of.
84
00:03:06,390 --> 00:03:08,740
Uh, sort of? [LAUGHS]
85
00:03:09,164 --> 00:03:11,570
Uh, we got subs and ate
them at the Laundromat.
86
00:03:11,595 --> 00:03:13,285
So, yeah, I took her out.
87
00:03:13,310 --> 00:03:15,060
Oh, you're not a fan of restaurants?
88
00:03:15,085 --> 00:03:17,147
Whoa, someone's a frickin' millionaire.
89
00:03:17,172 --> 00:03:18,970
- What?
- I'm a substitute teacher.
90
00:03:18,995 --> 00:03:21,014
So we each grabbed three on a six-inch.
91
00:03:21,358 --> 00:03:22,569
- We did.
- Mm-hmm.
92
00:03:22,594 --> 00:03:24,580
And you call this a date?
93
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,605
Um, let's just say
that the changing table
94
00:03:26,630 --> 00:03:28,865
in the bathroom didn't break itself.
95
00:03:28,890 --> 00:03:29,940
[LAUGHS]
96
00:03:29,965 --> 00:03:31,705
We did... with sex.
97
00:03:31,730 --> 00:03:33,640
[BOTH LAUGHING]
98
00:03:33,665 --> 00:03:34,885
Ow! [BLEEP].
99
00:03:34,910 --> 00:03:36,560
Ooh. Said I was gonna get you.
100
00:03:36,585 --> 00:03:37,765
Ha ha!
101
00:03:37,790 --> 00:03:39,400
Catch ya later, masturbator.
102
00:03:41,650 --> 00:03:44,150
So has he met the parents?
103
00:03:44,937 --> 00:03:46,131
Ah, he needs to go.
104
00:03:46,156 --> 00:03:47,610
It's just that he's subbing here,
105
00:03:47,650 --> 00:03:49,566
and I can't just ghost
him like I usually do.
106
00:03:49,591 --> 00:03:50,693
Yeah.
107
00:03:50,718 --> 00:03:53,115
Now, which one of you is
gonna help me get rid of him?
108
00:03:53,140 --> 00:03:55,574
Oh, not us. We are done.
109
00:03:55,599 --> 00:03:57,490
Every time we help you get rid of a guy,
110
00:03:57,515 --> 00:03:59,162
you wind up getting back together.
111
00:03:59,187 --> 00:04:00,790
- Mm-mm.
- You backslide.
112
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,802
It's an exhausting
cycle to watch and judge.
113
00:04:03,827 --> 00:04:05,060
Oh, come on...
114
00:04:05,085 --> 00:04:07,915
Hey, hey, ladies, we're
all basically, like,
115
00:04:07,940 --> 00:04:10,460
friends and family at this point, right?
116
00:04:10,485 --> 00:04:12,051
I am finding it impossible
117
00:04:12,076 --> 00:04:14,520
to secure a cell phone plan
under my name.
118
00:04:14,545 --> 00:04:16,616
Ah, and you want to
piggyback on one of our plans.
119
00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,554
- Ha.
- Jack, I have way too many cousins
120
00:04:18,579 --> 00:04:20,616
for you to doggy-style on my plan.
121
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:22,640
Okay, well, it's piggyback, but, yeah.
122
00:04:24,369 --> 00:04:27,648
Uh, you know, Jack, my
family plan is da bomb,
123
00:04:27,673 --> 00:04:29,055
and I'll let you get in on it.
124
00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:30,812
- Yes!
- But you have to do
125
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:32,551
something for me in return.
126
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:35,000
You have to help me kick my
current boyfriend to the curb.
127
00:04:35,245 --> 00:04:37,085
Okay, well, that actually
sounds kind of fun.
128
00:04:37,199 --> 00:04:38,294
But that's not the hard part.
129
00:04:38,318 --> 00:04:40,675
The hard part is helping
me stay broken up with him,
130
00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:42,107
'cause "Today Mary" is gonna want to
131
00:04:42,131 --> 00:04:43,223
break up with that little scuzz,
132
00:04:43,247 --> 00:04:45,840
but "Tomorrow Mary" is
gonna go scuzz-blind.
133
00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:49,020
You know, this all sounds
very doable. I am in.
134
00:04:49,060 --> 00:04:51,354
Okay. Very nice doing business with you.
135
00:04:51,379 --> 00:04:52,409
Oh, wonderful.
136
00:04:52,434 --> 00:04:53,854
Wonderful doing business with you.
137
00:04:53,879 --> 00:04:55,139
[LAUGHTER]
138
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:57,940
Yes! Nice. What?
139
00:04:58,282 --> 00:05:01,610
You have no idea the job
you just signed on for.
140
00:05:02,030 --> 00:05:04,550
There is nothing more
powerful than the bond
141
00:05:04,575 --> 00:05:07,097
between a Mary and her scuzz.
142
00:05:07,419 --> 00:05:10,459
- Backslide, Jack.
- Backslide.
143
00:05:13,384 --> 00:05:17,564
[THUNDER BOOMING]
144
00:05:18,283 --> 00:05:20,253
- Don't move!
- Jeez!
145
00:05:21,406 --> 00:05:23,016
- God, okay...
- [KNOCKING]
146
00:05:23,041 --> 00:05:24,481
- Hi.
- Hey.
147
00:05:24,506 --> 00:05:27,466
Um, Mr. Griffin, what are
you doing in my math class?
148
00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:29,980
Whoa. It's like seeing
a tiger in the wild.
149
00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:32,160
[CHUCKLES] Uh, Seth.
150
00:05:32,325 --> 00:05:34,549
Hi, I'm uh, Jack
Griffin. I teach A.P. Bio.
151
00:05:34,574 --> 00:05:35,834
So you're subbing here?
152
00:05:35,859 --> 00:05:37,950
Yep, yep. Anywhere that needs me.
153
00:05:37,990 --> 00:05:39,430
- Ah.
- Kids really dig me.
154
00:05:39,455 --> 00:05:41,941
I always play the first
48 minutes of a movie.
155
00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:44,960
I've seen the first half of a lot
156
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,310
- of really good flicks.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
157
00:05:47,350 --> 00:05:48,586
Love it, I love it, I love it.
158
00:05:48,610 --> 00:05:50,660
- And no shoes. Very cool.
- Ah.
159
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:52,288
So I have something very sensitive
160
00:05:52,313 --> 00:05:53,710
in nature to talk to you about.
161
00:05:54,014 --> 00:05:57,165
Um, gang, if you could just
go ahead and move your bodies
162
00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,253
to the back of the class,
and, you know, face the wall,
163
00:05:59,277 --> 00:06:00,584
like "Blair Witch" style.
164
00:06:00,762 --> 00:06:01,892
Heather, you want to...?
165
00:06:02,747 --> 00:06:03,789
Yeah.
166
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,240
All right, move it or lose it, D-bags.
167
00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:09,070
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
168
00:06:09,110 --> 00:06:11,240
[SIGHS]
169
00:06:11,290 --> 00:06:14,855
♪♪
170
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:15,942
Uh, is that in, like...
171
00:06:15,967 --> 00:06:17,687
is that in the second
half of "Blair Witch"?
172
00:06:18,441 --> 00:06:21,314
Hey, so, um, I'm a friend of Mary's
173
00:06:21,339 --> 00:06:23,718
and, well, she's asked
me to tell you it's been
174
00:06:23,743 --> 00:06:26,329
a tepid ride, but, uh, it's over, okay?
175
00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:28,930
All right.
176
00:06:28,955 --> 00:06:30,275
Wait, are you... are you serious?
177
00:06:30,942 --> 00:06:33,999
- C-can we talk about that?
- With me? No. No, no, no.
178
00:06:34,024 --> 00:06:35,706
I-I'm not really up
to speed on most of it.
179
00:06:35,731 --> 00:06:37,590
I just, uh... you know,
just the messenger here.
180
00:06:37,614 --> 00:06:38,905
I just know it's over, you know?
181
00:06:38,930 --> 00:06:40,760
So, uh, my work is sort of done here.
182
00:06:40,785 --> 00:06:42,466
I just... I'm gonna go talk
to her, because once she...
183
00:06:42,490 --> 00:06:44,090
No, no, no. [CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
184
00:06:44,491 --> 00:06:45,631
I'm handling this.
185
00:06:46,630 --> 00:06:48,410
- [SNIFFLES]
- Oh.
186
00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:49,500
[WHIMPERING]
187
00:06:49,540 --> 00:06:50,780
Oh, God.
188
00:06:51,020 --> 00:06:52,630
[CRYING]
189
00:06:52,935 --> 00:06:55,620
When a man cries, nothing feels safe.
190
00:06:56,465 --> 00:06:57,855
[CONTINUES CRYING]
191
00:06:58,745 --> 00:07:00,643
He did not take it well.
192
00:07:01,105 --> 00:07:02,550
Are you breaking it off with Seth?
193
00:07:02,575 --> 00:07:04,068
Hey! Stop snooping.
194
00:07:05,943 --> 00:07:07,170
Go ahead, Jack. I'll cover.
195
00:07:07,646 --> 00:07:10,519
La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la...
196
00:07:10,544 --> 00:07:12,700
All right. Uh, yeah, he
just... he wouldn't accept it.
197
00:07:12,740 --> 00:07:15,560
All right? He was crying,
and he wants to talk.
198
00:07:16,208 --> 00:07:19,010
Damn it, Jack. Ugh. Cover me.
199
00:07:19,050 --> 00:07:21,270
Oh. ♪ La, la, la, la, la... ♪
200
00:07:21,295 --> 00:07:22,902
You were supposed to
handle this, you know,
201
00:07:22,926 --> 00:07:25,100
like family, not just phone it in.
202
00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:27,360
Yeah, we can definitely
still hear you back here.
203
00:07:27,385 --> 00:07:29,475
Oh, my God. Just plug each other's ears.
204
00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:35,240
♪♪
205
00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,596
Look, don't worry about
it. I got you, okay?
206
00:07:37,621 --> 00:07:39,098
I'll come over later, and
I'll help you break it off.
207
00:07:39,122 --> 00:07:41,080
Um, no, no, no. We got
to do it at your place.
208
00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,960
Otherwise I'm gonna end
up hooking up with him.
209
00:07:42,996 --> 00:07:45,748
Uh, well, no, we can... what?
You can't break up at my place.
210
00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:48,287
Well, do you want to be
on my phone plan or not?
211
00:07:48,928 --> 00:07:51,145
Yes. Okay, fine. Fine, all right?
212
00:07:51,170 --> 00:07:52,170
But we got to do it fast,
213
00:07:52,195 --> 00:07:53,322
'cause Lynette's coming over later.
214
00:07:53,346 --> 00:07:54,702
Ooooh.
215
00:07:54,882 --> 00:07:56,676
Marcus, how is it that
you're still hearing this?
216
00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:59,260
My fingers are too
small for his ear canals.
217
00:07:59,310 --> 00:08:00,755
They're huge.
218
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:02,400
Don't brag about that.
219
00:08:04,244 --> 00:08:07,114
[UPBEAT SYNTH TUNE PLAYING]
220
00:08:07,139 --> 00:08:08,889
♪ Sex is horrible ♪
221
00:08:08,914 --> 00:08:12,100
♪ And no one really likes it ♪
222
00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:13,695
So that's what I play whenever I,
223
00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:15,560
uh, catch a kid with a condom.
224
00:08:15,585 --> 00:08:17,531
Mm, my readers will love this.
225
00:08:17,556 --> 00:08:19,928
Oh, and this what I play
whenever I catch a student
226
00:08:19,953 --> 00:08:21,760
with drugs. [CLEARS THROAT]
227
00:08:21,825 --> 00:08:26,577
♪ Meth gives you joy
only Gods can experience ♪
228
00:08:26,602 --> 00:08:28,510
♪ But don't do it ♪
229
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,629
Ralph, time to break some spirits.
230
00:08:30,654 --> 00:08:32,162
- Coach is here.
- Already?
231
00:08:32,187 --> 00:08:34,755
Oh, boy. You can stay Anthony.
232
00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:36,949
♪♪
233
00:08:36,974 --> 00:08:37,999
[CLEARS THROAT]
234
00:08:39,089 --> 00:08:40,641
[SIGHS] Coach, I, uh...
235
00:08:41,305 --> 00:08:44,585
I have some bad news I wish
I could protect you from.
236
00:08:44,610 --> 00:08:46,350
You don't got to
sugarcoat it for me, Ralph.
237
00:08:46,375 --> 00:08:47,854
I'm not one of your book teachers.
238
00:08:47,879 --> 00:08:49,235
All right, uh, well, um...
239
00:08:49,801 --> 00:08:51,708
I don't know how, uh...
240
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:55,280
It seems that there's a, uh...
241
00:08:55,469 --> 00:08:57,868
Uh, well, I'm...
doesn't... It actually is...
242
00:08:58,657 --> 00:08:59,977
I'm sorry, uh...
243
00:09:01,805 --> 00:09:03,630
We're gonna let...
244
00:09:04,056 --> 00:09:07,200
the marching band and the football team
245
00:09:07,225 --> 00:09:10,785
share practice time
on the football field.
246
00:09:10,810 --> 00:09:13,892
What? No way. It's not...
it's not called a band field.
247
00:09:13,917 --> 00:09:15,354
Uh, that's a good point.
248
00:09:15,379 --> 00:09:17,603
You know what? I'm gonna,
uh, talk to the band director.
249
00:09:17,628 --> 00:09:19,650
Maybe we could, uh, find a...
250
00:09:19,675 --> 00:09:22,463
Oh, my God. Move over.
251
00:09:23,620 --> 00:09:25,727
The band's gonna use
the field sometimes.
252
00:09:25,752 --> 00:09:27,870
This is happening to you.
253
00:09:28,370 --> 00:09:29,700
Deal with it.
254
00:09:29,868 --> 00:09:31,948
Ralph, does the confident child speak
255
00:09:31,973 --> 00:09:33,313
on your behest for you?
256
00:09:36,670 --> 00:09:38,960
Our talk is done. Shoo.
257
00:09:39,410 --> 00:09:41,903
Shoo? You're gonna shoo me? Shoo you.
258
00:09:41,928 --> 00:09:43,880
Kids talk to me like that? Jesus Christ.
259
00:09:43,905 --> 00:09:45,286
That was amazing!
260
00:09:45,311 --> 00:09:46,460
Anthony! [GASPS]
261
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:47,900
I have to deliver bad news all day.
262
00:09:47,925 --> 00:09:50,135
Is there any chance you'd want to sit in
263
00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:52,380
on some of these sessions?
264
00:09:52,405 --> 00:09:54,145
Okay, I can sweeten the deal.
265
00:09:54,170 --> 00:09:58,530
I got an Amazon gift card for Christmas,
266
00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:00,380
but there's not a slot
on my computer for it,
267
00:10:00,405 --> 00:10:01,475
so...
268
00:10:03,690 --> 00:10:04,990
Sure.
269
00:10:05,430 --> 00:10:08,390
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]
270
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:12,140
♪♪
271
00:10:12,180 --> 00:10:14,310
- [SIGHS]
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
272
00:10:14,360 --> 00:10:15,570
Okay.
273
00:10:17,563 --> 00:10:19,603
All right. Listen...
274
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,130
Mare-bear.
275
00:10:21,410 --> 00:10:22,760
Tell me that he's a liar.
276
00:10:22,987 --> 00:10:24,570
Because I know that you love me.
277
00:10:24,595 --> 00:10:26,735
You even said that you
love how my back smells.
278
00:10:26,871 --> 00:10:29,200
No, I just said, "Your back smells."
279
00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:30,480
[GROANS]
280
00:10:30,505 --> 00:10:33,395
Seth, I'm looking for something else.
281
00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:35,900
But, Mary, just think of all
the fun that we could have.
282
00:10:35,925 --> 00:10:38,315
I just got us tickets
to see Michael McDonald
283
00:10:38,340 --> 00:10:39,900
in concert next month.
284
00:10:40,227 --> 00:10:43,625
I mean... I mean, if you
already got the tickets, then...
285
00:10:43,650 --> 00:10:45,495
Mary, he doesn't have the tickets.
286
00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:47,475
- I'm gonna get the tickets.
- He's gonna get the tickets.
287
00:10:47,499 --> 00:10:48,665
- Yeah. He's never...
- Yeah, I'm gonna get...
288
00:10:48,689 --> 00:10:50,190
- No, he's never gonna get the tickets.
- I said I was gonna get...
289
00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:51,666
- He will not get the tickets!
- I need to get paid,
290
00:10:51,690 --> 00:10:53,418
- then I can buy the tickets.
- Mary, end this.
291
00:10:53,442 --> 00:10:54,659
You're a strong woman.
292
00:10:54,684 --> 00:10:57,150
I've seen you kick a
coffee table across a lobby.
293
00:10:58,570 --> 00:11:01,450
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
294
00:11:01,490 --> 00:11:03,489
Seth, have a happy life.
295
00:11:04,513 --> 00:11:06,802
No. I'm not going anywhere...
296
00:11:07,716 --> 00:11:08,900
until you take me back.
297
00:11:09,602 --> 00:11:11,815
Wait. What? Wait. Are those...
298
00:11:12,266 --> 00:11:13,417
Uh, that's not good.
299
00:11:14,439 --> 00:11:15,799
- Whatever. Bye.
- Where you going?
300
00:11:15,824 --> 00:11:17,720
No, no, no. No, no, no.
301
00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:19,225
You're not... no. Oh.
302
00:11:19,250 --> 00:11:21,168
♪♪
303
00:11:21,193 --> 00:11:22,488
Oh.
304
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,340
♪♪
305
00:11:25,380 --> 00:11:27,210
[CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
306
00:11:27,235 --> 00:11:28,300
- Did she...
- [ENGINE TURNING OVER]
307
00:11:28,324 --> 00:11:29,338
She left, right?
308
00:11:29,363 --> 00:11:31,183
- Is that her car now?
- [SIGHS]
309
00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:35,400
- Come on.
- Closer.
310
00:11:35,425 --> 00:11:37,942
Warmer. Warmer.
311
00:11:37,967 --> 00:11:39,896
Oh, stop tricking me into touching
312
00:11:39,921 --> 00:11:41,091
other parts of your body.
313
00:11:41,116 --> 00:11:42,897
Just tell me where the
keys to the cuffs are.
314
00:11:43,146 --> 00:11:44,252
I don't know.
315
00:11:45,081 --> 00:11:47,373
All right, man. You asked for this.
316
00:11:49,274 --> 00:11:52,064
[CHAIR WHIRRING]
317
00:11:52,104 --> 00:11:54,234
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
318
00:11:54,703 --> 00:11:56,747
- You gonna tell me?
- This is fine.
319
00:11:57,203 --> 00:11:59,634
It's kind of like a back massage.
320
00:12:00,609 --> 00:12:03,044
Oops. That step's
trying to steal my jeans.
321
00:12:03,069 --> 00:12:04,764
[CHUCKLES] Oh, it got 'em.
322
00:12:04,789 --> 00:12:05,869
There they go.
323
00:12:06,389 --> 00:12:08,021
Yeah, that's what I'm working with.
324
00:12:08,046 --> 00:12:10,034
- Oh, come on...
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
325
00:12:10,084 --> 00:12:13,084
[SIGHS, GROANS]
326
00:12:13,109 --> 00:12:14,114
- Hi.
- Hello.
327
00:12:14,139 --> 00:12:15,449
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
328
00:12:15,587 --> 00:12:16,914
Oof. Okay.
329
00:12:17,392 --> 00:12:19,526
Three openers... Uh, you
look great, all right?
330
00:12:19,551 --> 00:12:21,679
You smell like lemons, and..
331
00:12:22,092 --> 00:12:24,377
Mary's ex-boyfriend is handcuffed
332
00:12:24,402 --> 00:12:26,074
to my dead mom's stair lift.
333
00:12:26,277 --> 00:12:27,956
- Hey, Lynette.
- Oh.
334
00:12:27,981 --> 00:12:30,053
Jack took off my pants
with this antique elevator.
335
00:12:30,078 --> 00:12:32,324
- No, that's... that's a lie.
- Hey, Seth.
336
00:12:32,349 --> 00:12:34,026
Hey, do you happen to
have my paycheck on you?
337
00:12:34,050 --> 00:12:35,725
I think it should be around $38.
338
00:12:35,750 --> 00:12:36,850
You know, I don't,
339
00:12:36,875 --> 00:12:39,546
and I think you broke even after taxes.
340
00:12:39,571 --> 00:12:40,975
[SCOFFS] Thanks, Obama.
341
00:12:41,961 --> 00:12:43,464
- Wine? Yeah.
- Love some.
342
00:12:43,504 --> 00:12:44,934
What are we thinking,
though, red or white?
343
00:12:44,958 --> 00:12:46,698
[GROANS]
344
00:12:46,897 --> 00:12:48,947
I don't really know
anything about birds.
345
00:12:49,128 --> 00:12:52,307
My hobby is stuffing
things... you know, taxidermy.
346
00:12:53,674 --> 00:12:56,713
And I guess I'd just rather
stuff birds because...
347
00:12:57,530 --> 00:12:59,360
So are you guys like a thing?
348
00:12:59,385 --> 00:13:01,021
Because you seem like
you're into each other,
349
00:13:01,045 --> 00:13:02,955
but you also seem like you're cousins.
350
00:13:02,980 --> 00:13:04,190
Like, I guess what I'm asking
351
00:13:04,215 --> 00:13:05,964
is what stuff are you guys doing?
352
00:13:05,989 --> 00:13:07,567
- Mostly outercourse.
- None of your business.
353
00:13:07,591 --> 00:13:09,339
"Outercourse"? [LAUGHS]
354
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:12,466
Okay, well... [CHUCKLES]
I'll leave you guys to it.
355
00:13:12,491 --> 00:13:14,454
[CHAIR WHIRRING]
356
00:13:14,494 --> 00:13:17,014
[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV]
357
00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:18,754
A man should have a hobby.
358
00:13:20,348 --> 00:13:22,228
[JAUNTY VIDEO GAME MUSIC PLAYS]
359
00:13:22,261 --> 00:13:24,171
[CHUCKLES]
360
00:13:24,196 --> 00:13:27,869
Oh, man, these birds
are just so furious.
361
00:13:28,356 --> 00:13:29,870
- So mad.
- One second.
362
00:13:29,895 --> 00:13:31,503
I like it with the sound on.
363
00:13:31,528 --> 00:13:33,286
Do you? This is mine now.
364
00:13:34,333 --> 00:13:37,254
[SIGHS] I mean, no
phone plan is worth this.
365
00:13:37,279 --> 00:13:39,599
Hey, you know how you
get rid of me, right?
366
00:13:40,824 --> 00:13:42,178
You get me back with my love...
367
00:13:43,064 --> 00:13:44,334
my soul mate.
368
00:13:45,084 --> 00:13:49,314
♪♪
369
00:13:49,733 --> 00:13:52,114
Hey, look, nobody wants
to see you backslide
370
00:13:52,139 --> 00:13:53,354
any less than me, but...
371
00:13:53,782 --> 00:13:56,618
You should know Seth
is obsessed with you.
372
00:13:56,758 --> 00:13:58,399
He won't stop talking about you.
373
00:13:59,234 --> 00:14:00,454
Did he say obsessed, or...
374
00:14:00,494 --> 00:14:02,754
Uh-uh. Okay, I know that look.
375
00:14:02,804 --> 00:14:04,656
- Michelle, let's go.
- Yeah.
376
00:14:04,681 --> 00:14:07,194
I told you, Jack... backslide.
377
00:14:07,244 --> 00:14:10,244
♪♪
378
00:14:10,284 --> 00:14:11,294
See you.
379
00:14:13,172 --> 00:14:15,204
- Yeah.
- Oop.
380
00:14:15,468 --> 00:14:16,861
I'll find it. Yeah.
381
00:14:17,993 --> 00:14:19,903
Look, I'm... [SCOFFS] I'm telling you,
382
00:14:19,928 --> 00:14:21,824
this guy wants you back so badly,
383
00:14:21,864 --> 00:14:23,254
he went on a hunger strike.
384
00:14:23,756 --> 00:14:25,653
Oh, he must be out of his mind for me.
385
00:14:25,678 --> 00:14:27,268
Yeah. Oh, yeah, he's a
mess. [EXHALES SHARPLY]
386
00:14:27,292 --> 00:14:29,485
[SIGHS] You know, I'm just
gonna stay focused,
387
00:14:29,510 --> 00:14:30,874
and I'm not gonna think about him.
388
00:14:30,899 --> 00:14:32,379
- You are gonna be fine.
- Yeah.
389
00:14:32,404 --> 00:14:33,549
[LAUGHS] All right.
390
00:14:33,574 --> 00:14:35,444
- Okay.
- You got this.
391
00:14:37,828 --> 00:14:39,404
[CELL PHONE CLICKING]
392
00:14:39,444 --> 00:14:43,144
- ♪♪
- _
393
00:14:43,194 --> 00:14:44,584
- [CELL PHONE BLOOPS]
- [LAUGHS]
394
00:14:44,624 --> 00:14:46,584
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
395
00:14:46,609 --> 00:14:49,789
♪♪
396
00:14:49,814 --> 00:14:51,514
Stay strong. Stay strong.
397
00:14:54,244 --> 00:14:56,164
[SIGHS]
398
00:14:56,334 --> 00:14:58,204
Time to hit some peeps with bad news.
399
00:14:58,229 --> 00:14:59,269
[CHUCKLES]
400
00:14:59,294 --> 00:15:01,204
[PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]
401
00:15:01,229 --> 00:15:04,697
Joyce, we moved your parking
spot to the auxiliary lot.
402
00:15:04,722 --> 00:15:05,942
It's a done deal.
403
00:15:05,967 --> 00:15:07,969
You see, that's not gonna work for me.
404
00:15:07,994 --> 00:15:10,914
I'm already getting up at
2:00 a.m. to take my nephew
405
00:15:10,954 --> 00:15:12,883
to the ER 'cause of his croup.
406
00:15:12,908 --> 00:15:15,264
- I says to my sister...
- Joyce. Joyce.
407
00:15:15,289 --> 00:15:16,589
Joyce!
408
00:15:17,301 --> 00:15:18,430
Not my business.
409
00:15:18,825 --> 00:15:20,404
Mute and scoot.
410
00:15:20,429 --> 00:15:22,909
♪♪
411
00:15:22,934 --> 00:15:25,264
All of your cleaning
supplies are being switched
412
00:15:25,289 --> 00:15:26,756
to generic and unscented.
413
00:15:26,781 --> 00:15:28,324
"Unscented"? [LAUGHS]
414
00:15:28,349 --> 00:15:31,634
You know what humans
do in bathrooms, right?
415
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:34,134
You're with me on this, right, Durbin?
416
00:15:35,439 --> 00:15:36,680
Durbin's not here.
417
00:15:36,705 --> 00:15:38,854
Breathe out your mouth.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
418
00:15:39,904 --> 00:15:41,334
♪♪
419
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,994
[CRUNCHES]
420
00:15:43,357 --> 00:15:45,215
Principal Durbin isn't
concerning himself
421
00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,156
with the casting of the school play.
422
00:15:47,181 --> 00:15:50,746
You can either play "Tree
in Distance" or quit.
423
00:15:50,771 --> 00:15:53,935
Great! I'll play the
tree. I don't mind at all.
424
00:15:53,968 --> 00:15:54,979
Oh.
425
00:15:55,004 --> 00:15:58,354
♪♪
426
00:15:58,394 --> 00:16:01,054
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
427
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,054
♪♪
428
00:16:03,094 --> 00:16:05,418
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
- Right, new plan.
429
00:16:05,443 --> 00:16:08,825
So I'm texting Mary from
her ex-boyfriend's phone.
430
00:16:08,857 --> 00:16:10,105
I'm gonna trick her into getting back
431
00:16:10,129 --> 00:16:11,896
with that idiot so I can
get him out of my house.
432
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,450
Uh, do you guys have any suggestions?
433
00:16:14,966 --> 00:16:17,415
I don't get it. Aren't
you Mary's friend?
434
00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:18,563
Of course. Yeah.
435
00:16:18,588 --> 00:16:21,241
Yeah, and didn't she offer
to put you on her family plan
436
00:16:21,266 --> 00:16:22,741
if you help her get rid of this guy?
437
00:16:22,766 --> 00:16:23,790
Yeah.
438
00:16:23,815 --> 00:16:26,400
And now you're trying to set her up
with the very same man
439
00:16:26,425 --> 00:16:29,474
who you yourself called
an idiot not moments ago?
440
00:16:32,178 --> 00:16:34,998
You guys... you all think I'm a bad guy?
441
00:16:36,248 --> 00:16:37,373
Is that what this is?
442
00:16:38,772 --> 00:16:40,234
Heather, where do you stand on this?
443
00:16:41,199 --> 00:16:42,939
I can't tell if you're doing a mission
444
00:16:42,964 --> 00:16:45,051
for Ms. Wagner or against her.
445
00:16:45,076 --> 00:16:47,045
I'm Team Griffin either way.
446
00:16:47,271 --> 00:16:50,534
Let's get her... or help her.
447
00:16:51,027 --> 00:16:53,030
I guess you have to ask yourself
448
00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:55,081
if you really care about your friend.
449
00:16:57,910 --> 00:16:59,870
See, this is why I avoid friendships.
450
00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:01,194
Yeah, that's why.
451
00:17:01,442 --> 00:17:02,724
[SIGHS]
452
00:17:02,749 --> 00:17:04,029
Now I'm gonna have to
figure out another way
453
00:17:04,053 --> 00:17:05,896
to get rid of this human pork rind.
454
00:17:07,888 --> 00:17:10,034
Guess I'm gonna have to do
it the old-fashioned way.
455
00:17:10,074 --> 00:17:13,034
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
456
00:17:13,084 --> 00:17:15,084
♪♪
457
00:17:22,901 --> 00:17:23,981
Scuzz-blind.
458
00:17:25,334 --> 00:17:26,394
Wait, what?
459
00:17:26,419 --> 00:17:27,515
[SIGHS]
460
00:17:31,064 --> 00:17:33,154
[BOTH LAUGHING]
461
00:17:33,179 --> 00:17:35,577
I'm sorry, Mary, did you
have the key the whole time?
462
00:17:35,602 --> 00:17:37,194
No. Seth was hiding it
463
00:17:37,219 --> 00:17:39,309
in a place I call his "secret pouch."
464
00:17:39,334 --> 00:17:40,514
And that's not my butt.
465
00:17:40,539 --> 00:17:42,301
[GROANS] No. What is happening? Why?
466
00:17:42,326 --> 00:17:44,332
We're back, baby. [LAUGHS]
467
00:17:44,357 --> 00:17:45,747
All right, I'm gonna pop upstairs,
468
00:17:45,772 --> 00:17:46,911
I'm gonna put my jeans back on,
469
00:17:46,935 --> 00:17:48,425
and then we're gonna scoot. [LAUGHS]
470
00:17:50,380 --> 00:17:53,040
- Oh, God.
- I know.
471
00:17:53,844 --> 00:17:56,228
Mary, you... you... you can't
get back together with that guy.
472
00:17:56,252 --> 00:17:58,160
Jack, don't worry. You're off the hook.
473
00:17:58,185 --> 00:17:59,853
We'll go get you a
brand-new phone tomorrow
474
00:17:59,877 --> 00:18:01,060
and sign you up on my plan.
475
00:18:01,085 --> 00:18:03,142
No, but it... it... it
just don't feel right.
476
00:18:05,673 --> 00:18:06,797
Okay, Jackie boy.
477
00:18:06,822 --> 00:18:07,857
It's been a fun 24 hours,
478
00:18:07,882 --> 00:18:09,322
but it's time for me to get going.
479
00:18:09,519 --> 00:18:11,049
Yeah, that's my mother's luggage.
480
00:18:11,074 --> 00:18:12,097
Oh.
481
00:18:13,870 --> 00:18:16,760
Well, it's broken. Tell her that.
482
00:18:16,785 --> 00:18:17,875
All right, babe.
483
00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:19,604
I'm gonna go outside
and warm up the car...
484
00:18:20,225 --> 00:18:21,305
with my farts.
485
00:18:21,330 --> 00:18:23,920
[LAUGHING]
486
00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:27,637
Eh, diet starts tomorrow,
487
00:18:27,662 --> 00:18:29,209
but tonight I'm gonna go eat this cake.
488
00:18:29,233 --> 00:18:30,340
Wait, wait. Hold on one second.
489
00:18:30,364 --> 00:18:32,194
- I just...
- What the fudge?
490
00:18:32,219 --> 00:18:33,659
Uh-huh, yep. Nope.
491
00:18:33,684 --> 00:18:34,931
- [GRUNTS]
- No, no, no. Nope, nope.
492
00:18:34,955 --> 00:18:36,395
You're not going with him. Let's go.
493
00:18:37,125 --> 00:18:39,510
Jack, I am a grown-ass woman,
494
00:18:39,550 --> 00:18:42,414
and sometimes I want to make
bad decisions, so let me.
495
00:18:42,439 --> 00:18:45,099
No. I'm not letting you leave
until you've horned down a bit
496
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,084
and promise me you are
done with that dude.
497
00:18:47,109 --> 00:18:48,864
Fine, then no phone plan for you.
498
00:18:49,340 --> 00:18:50,400
Fine.
499
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:52,720
But I have something to say,
500
00:18:53,145 --> 00:18:55,210
and this is not gonna be one
of those things where I tell you
501
00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:57,534
that you are deserving
of someone far better than
502
00:18:57,559 --> 00:19:00,394
that human tapeworm out there
because you are a catch...
503
00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,318
and not just a Toledo catch,
504
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,527
but, like, a regular, good-city catch.
505
00:19:06,789 --> 00:19:07,969
Instead, I'm gonna sit here with you
506
00:19:07,993 --> 00:19:09,820
until you come to that
conclusion on your own.
507
00:19:10,707 --> 00:19:13,107
And there is absolutely no way
I'm letting you go before then
508
00:19:13,132 --> 00:19:16,192
because I do not have the
keys to these handcuffs.
509
00:19:17,202 --> 00:19:19,112
I'm just now realizing that.
510
00:19:19,137 --> 00:19:21,397
[OMINOUS MUSIC]
511
00:19:21,422 --> 00:19:22,822
[KNOCK AT DOOR, DOOR OPENS]
512
00:19:22,847 --> 00:19:23,937
Hello?
513
00:19:24,365 --> 00:19:26,792
Oh, uh, where's Principal Durbin?
514
00:19:27,441 --> 00:19:28,751
Take a seat.
515
00:19:28,776 --> 00:19:31,086
Okeydokey. [CHUCKLES]
516
00:19:31,111 --> 00:19:34,071
Didn't expect, uh... you to be here.
517
00:19:34,096 --> 00:19:35,576
[CLEARS THROAT] So, uh...
518
00:19:35,601 --> 00:19:38,211
what is this meeting about?
519
00:19:38,236 --> 00:19:41,286
♪♪
520
00:19:41,334 --> 00:19:43,684
As you can see, you gave me a B-minus
521
00:19:43,709 --> 00:19:45,319
on my erosion diorama.
522
00:19:45,484 --> 00:19:47,174
I'll be damned if I'm
gonna let you keep me
523
00:19:47,199 --> 00:19:49,479
out of Georgetown, so
you're gonna give me an A,
524
00:19:49,976 --> 00:19:51,936
or we're gonna have to let you go.
525
00:19:51,961 --> 00:19:53,661
♪♪
526
00:19:53,686 --> 00:19:55,206
[GASPS]
527
00:19:55,324 --> 00:19:58,024
Oh, thank God. Anthony's
trying to fire me.
528
00:19:58,761 --> 00:19:59,871
What are you doing?
529
00:20:00,284 --> 00:20:02,024
I think something bit Anthony.
530
00:20:02,049 --> 00:20:03,183
Can you hear me?
531
00:20:03,208 --> 00:20:04,498
Quiet, Noodle Curls!
532
00:20:04,635 --> 00:20:07,680
You got a little too much
dip on your chip, buster.
533
00:20:07,730 --> 00:20:10,563
Get up, take your disrespectful butt
534
00:20:10,588 --> 00:20:12,172
straight to my office!
535
00:20:12,640 --> 00:20:13,711
Keep it moving!
536
00:20:13,736 --> 00:20:16,266
I'm sorry. I was trying
to help Principal Durbin.
537
00:20:16,868 --> 00:20:22,650
Dave, your classes are being
transferred to the trailer.
538
00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:23,910
What?
539
00:20:23,935 --> 00:20:25,927
Oh, come on.
540
00:20:25,952 --> 00:20:28,004
We're done talking. Shoo.
541
00:20:28,966 --> 00:20:30,236
- [EXHALES SHARPLY]
- [GROANS]
542
00:20:31,307 --> 00:20:33,917
Well, thank you so
much for ruining my day.
543
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,692
I already sat in cornbread.
544
00:20:35,717 --> 00:20:38,157
[SIGHS] Come on.
545
00:20:38,182 --> 00:20:40,702
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
546
00:20:40,727 --> 00:20:42,247
[LAUGHING]
547
00:20:42,441 --> 00:20:44,239
Well, good work,
Jack-In-The-Sweats.
548
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:45,680
Yeah, nice job.
549
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,813
Hey, I would do the
same for either of you.
550
00:20:48,072 --> 00:20:50,119
- Aw.
- Please don't break up my marriage.
551
00:20:50,144 --> 00:20:51,374
- Please.
- I'm not...
552
00:20:51,399 --> 00:20:52,978
Now, Stef, she could use a little help.
553
00:20:53,003 --> 00:20:54,486
I don't have a problem.
554
00:20:54,511 --> 00:20:57,471
I just like dating older Indian doctors.
555
00:20:57,739 --> 00:20:59,495
They're always secretly married.
556
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:00,596
Not happily.
557
00:21:00,621 --> 00:21:02,101
And leaders of a sex cult.
558
00:21:02,126 --> 00:21:03,936
Not happily.
559
00:21:04,284 --> 00:21:05,414
[SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
560
00:21:05,439 --> 00:21:06,884
Oh, I should head to class.
561
00:21:07,331 --> 00:21:08,851
Yep, I should probably head with you.
562
00:21:09,302 --> 00:21:10,472
Okeydokey.
563
00:21:10,497 --> 00:21:11,797
We can hit shop class at lunch.
564
00:21:11,822 --> 00:21:12,842
- Okay.
- You know?
565
00:21:12,867 --> 00:21:14,014
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Whoa.
566
00:21:14,038 --> 00:21:15,258
I got to say, though,
567
00:21:15,283 --> 00:21:17,553
- I, uh... I'm gonna miss this.
- Aw.
39957
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
