Original subtitles

" A Two-Headed Beast "

Engine room!

This is the Captain!

Throw coal to the fuckin' boiler!

And a hard right rudder!

Hello, the galley!

Fuckin' jeroboam of champagne to the bridge immediately!

Uh, Mr. T.

Uh,

brief uh,

idle time, uh,

a harmless, uh,

wilin' away

I'm considering, Con,

being Swearengen's decided a

underling'll represent him in certain of our mutual transactions,

would it be my seemly tactic

to do likewise?

Hmm

I'd need to know my man had discipline and

appetites in fuckin' harness and the like

Well, what this is, Sir, uh�

yesterday, I occasioned to fuck a woman

after a considerable period of abstention,

and that seems now to have�

throwed me

unawares, uh,

into a fuckin' spasm of

sex interest,

which I�

fuckin' pray will be brief

Well�

I believe I'll

defer enlisting you in this other aspect

Prudent, Sir,

till I get well on the other fuckin' side

Iceberg fuckin' avoided

Looming fuckin' catastrophe

Mr. Tolliver and Mr. Swearengen are�

uneasy colleagues

I wouldn't know, Sir

That feels to me less than a full verity

I don't know what that means, Mr. Hearst

That you not knowin' about any

uneasiness between Tolliver and Swearengen

sounds to me like a lie

Yeah

I guess so

Better

Would you want me saying my first loyalty was to you, Mr. Hearst,

to verity instead of Mr. Swearengen?

hat'd sound like a lie too, and peg me a liar in the bargain

So I'll have to win you away

I guess so

But I oughtn't to imagine the process will be quick

Guess not

Good, Adams

Did he coach you long?

Didn't fuckin' coach me at all, Mr. Hearst

Captain Turner

Go tell your friend I know he's afraid of me

Dority? Big guy?

I guess he looks big to you

Is that what you brought me here for?

You want me to take that back to Dority?

I guess so

Crazy nigger at the livery's in your debt

Crazy nigger at the livery ought not plan on this becomin' no habit

No chance of that

He's bound for Oregon, Miss Lady,

with the handsome nigger you're talkin' to right now, if our luck holds to the afternoon

Get off your ass and start to walkin'

Your friend might get to eat that warm

Go ahead

Put a hole in that thing

I'm measuring the stroke to move you along with the rest of this shit

Much obliged!

Travel safe

Biggest day of my Goddamn life, and I get a fuckin' spittoon spilled over my head

That you already knocked on its side when you were fuckin' dozing

I'm glad I did it

I've enough blood and guts spilt in my Goddamn place, Steve

For a lifetime, you understand?!

If it takes the contents of a spittoon to make you fuckin' wash,

then so fuckin' be it!

What does washin' have to do with the other, Tom?

Well, to put you on the fuckin' path, fuckin' respect yourself,

and the fuckin' occasion, and bring no more fuckin' shame onto my place, God damn it!

After I own the livery, you slanty-eyed bastards,

maybe you'd like to come by and look at me then!

Now get the fuck outta here!

Here!

Harry, what time is it?

Hour's 17 minutes till 10:00

67 minutes until my fuckin' luck changes forever

No harm in him showin' up early

You've done this camp a great service, Mrs. Ellsworth

You're very kind

And yet, Mr. Merrick, in candor,

witnessing the events of late in the east,

oughtn't any depositor pause and consider

before trusting

his savings to a bank?

Uh, well, I suppose that's true

Which is why

a bank owned locally

wishing to make available funds to organize and develop our community�

to build businesses

and homes,

and whose deposits are guaranteed by gold not two miles distant from

this building in which we sit,

isn't that

why the depositor at the Bank of Deadwood, having considered,

ought come forward in assurance and confidence

Yes!

Yes

Have you any questions for me?

I have not, Madam

Not

not at the present moment

Well, I guess that argues for me showing Captain Cuntface how Goddamn afraid I am

It wasn't aftertalk between you and Turner?

Hearst was there when Turner said it,

and Hearst I asked did he want it brought back to you

Hearst says to me, "I guess so."

"Guess so" don't sound like Hearst

I'd said "I guess so" before

I think he was making small of me

What is there to consider over, Al?

That sea creature Turner called me out

It's Hearst calling you out

I'm trying to decipher his reason

Well, me seein' to Turner will not delay your Goddamn decipherin'

Can you shut up now, Dan, that you fuckin' couldn't before?

He hurt you,

then he calls to you like a dog

I had to tell him to fuck himself

Even as I forbore till I could see to my fuckin' arrangements

Think they'll get seen to by the snows?

Ready your pen

You're addressing me like a fuckin' field hand won't impede me cooperatin'

Now go!

That

that's it, Hostetler

'Cause I keep my sense of priority on what the fuck is important

I broke your fuckin' tip

"Mrs. Alma Ellsworth, serene and comely principal of the just opened Deadwood Bank,

assured this reporter that depositors need fear no local echo of eastern financial panics

A locally-owned bank

Careful, be careful

Uh, "Lending to develop businesses and build homes in the region,

and backed by the underground assets of one of the strongest mining concerns in the Dakota territory,

such a bank cannot help but

Do you mind if we, uh,

walk on more level ground, Mr. Blazanov?

Oh, no no no no

I'll watch out for livestock

Thank you

"Such a bank cannot help but draw prudent customers in great numbers from every area of our black hills."

Mrs. Ellsworth, being so elevated,

so sweetly radiant in spirit,

I wonder if her words resonated with me at the time as being

more poetic and compelling than

now they seem in cold transcription

And with the lady herself absent

This is bad

To abandon a friend like that when he's taken by drink

I think this is more woeful, Mr. Merrick

We shall fetch the Sheriff, Mr. Blazanov

Leon

Mr. Tolliver

That's a guilty skulkin' fuckin' look on your features, son

I think by now you'd be more come to terms with your weaknesses

Merciless conscience, Sir, since childhood

You're buyin' drugs?

I was buying drugs, yes, Sir

That is the fuckin' cross my weakness has to bear

And do you bear it for yourself alone, Leon,

or long as you're about it, with others as well and earn

the extra dollar thereby?

I do not do that, Sir, no

I got to wonder, son�

is it you been helpin' Lila in her fall?

It is not, Mr. Tolliver

Lila drops her own bucket down the well

I'm telling you, Sir!

Takin' a whore o' yours down, that's next to directly robbing you

Fella like me that's been

indisposed

To show he's back in play might

cut a thief's throat

You're fuckin' misinterpreting it. I

I was copping for another but it wasn't fuckin' Lila

I was coppin' for that cunt at the bank

Their faces weren't familiar,

the men who left him here

His name was Pasco

Does Pasco have a friend here?

How do you know his name?

Cornishman, talked Union

Worked for Hearst

Do you feel there's a significance to that?

The third of those organizers's been killed

You got nothin' to say to that or on any other fuckin' topic

On Hearst's orders, you believe?

A knife to the chest,

body atop Hearst's works in the thoroughfare

I withdraw from our agreement

I'd ask it's very brief extension

No. No

Or we're both just fuckin' cowards

I ain't no fucking coward!

Though Dan might support your position

What's he talking about?

Wait a bit, Bullock

Don't go for Hearst yet

You know Al

I've got the briefest of other bidness

See to it

Yes, s-see to it, Bullock

Watching us advance on your stupid teepee, Chief,

knowing you had to make your move�

did you not just want first to fucking understand? Huh?

Your repayment of the loan we make you now, Mr. Fields,

whose proceeds purchase Mr. Hostetler's livery,

is secured by the livery deed itself to be held as collateral

in the possession of the bank until the debt shall be satisfied

Understood and agreed to

And don't lose one second to wakefulness or worry

I'll repay in a timely fashion

Will you be paid in specie or currency, Mr. Hostetler?

Gold, please

Thank you, Trixie

I don't suppose a handshake

signaling the

transaction's completion is absolutely required

Then I guess we don't have to do it then

And if you're hoping to pass as a man before you hightail it to Oregon,

you will return to me that board you made me sign

Thank you so much for squiring me,

these gentlemen being so obviously compelled by other responsibilities

Such acid scrutiny by former boon companions

We was never your fucking boon companions, E.B

Forgive me my confusing, Dan,

my own deep feelings for you with what yours may have been for me

I did not offer my hotel to Hearst

which sale has made me outcast among you

Hearst forced the transaction upon me

I miss our morning coffee

Yeah?

Bein' no one is frequenting the main bar, Davey,

what in fuck business you think you're gonna do standing behind there?

Boss says I'm to attend the auxiliary bar

The auxiliary bar ain't made a cunt's hair bit of business sense since it's fuckin' inception!

Go on up and set the boss straight

Hey, you don't want to take that smart-aleck tone,

that fuckin' attitude with me, Davey

You hear me?

Hearst organizes violence between his man and Dority

Does he?

Orchestrates combat between them, mutilates me,

plants that organizer's body like a flag in the fuckin' thoroughfare

That last is fresh news

Makes of me and Tolliver a two-headed beast to savage

what might be healthy borne out of the fucking election and gnaw its own privates off-hours

Plans keep coming to the cocksucker that their final sum is this:

But for what brings income to him, break what he can;

what he can't,

set those parts against themselves to weaken

Scoundrel!

Hearst

The why's

what fucking confounds me

What's in his head, I cannot fucking find in mine

Don't suppose you talk to the Captain?

Hails and farewells, but he never replies

Or the cook?

The negress and I are not intimate

Alright, E.B

May I ask your plans, Al?

No

Only to further their achievement

No

All right

All right

Yeah

Glad to have been of help

Always available for counsel

I dare not think what you've been through to reach us

It's been a crucifixion

Too painful, even the merest details

Formidable, even at bay

My last camp, Jack

As it may be for us all, young man

The place is yearning for elevation and festering with wealth

Oh dear

Augment of cupidity in the Iris, a healthy augury

We must help them however we can

Heave ho, young man, but slowly

It's past me

I cannot figure the fuckin' angle

Go ahead and fucking fight him

All right then

What you want to be carryin', Dan?

Nothing I would want found secreted on me,

worse comes to worst

Well don't say you ain't bringing your blade

Naked, visible in it's fuckin' sheath and disposable before we join

If he dispenses with his

If it's getting to go wrong, Dan,

you just drop down flat

What the fuck did you just say?

Drop flat if it's going wrong,

and I'll blow his fucking head off

You do and it'll be the last Goddamn thing you do on this fucking earth

Going wrong is not the end of fucking things, Johnny

Fuck no!

I have come back from plenty of shit that looked like it was going wrong

All right, Dan

He's got the advantage of you there, don't he?

That short-cropped fucking hair?

Well, he's not lacking for brass

"Come scare me in the thoroughfare."

Star City, Captain, you remember the man's name?

Leonard

That was a fight

Not how I remember

�As an object lesson to every man watching

For not much fight,

it did not end quickly I suppose is what I'm trying to say

Do you understand me?

Yes, I understand

Thank you, Jack

I am your Jack, Chesterton,

but your producer too

A rigor we've always sustained

To carry a performer through illness when recovery is in prospect

is an indulgence one can sometimes justify

But support of idleness destined for the grave,

that, Chesterton,

the narrow economy of our art

does not permit

You would have me die destitute?

You will purchase your keep with that voice

intrusive and incessantly opinionated

no vagary of our past has yet stilled

The subject?

We have but one

In this instance, the theater is formerly a bordello

The eye lines must be all wrong

In the morning,

it meets with your atrabilious scrutiny

Oh�

I must rest

Bellegarde?

We proceed

Costumes, Countess, will you chair?

Ja

Props and scenery, chair?

Only if you serve as second

I'm so so so so sorry

Is costumes taken?

Are they performing now?

Quiet

Civic relations

I'd appoint myself�

without objection?

Will we continue as if all among us are well

when one so plainly is not?

And what committee, Bellegard,

to address the old man's mortal illness would you have us fucking form?

No committee

Committees is the task before us

No business as usual

Business and tasks is what we'll have,

just as you are tardy and ginger on your bum for the usual fucking reasons,

despite your deep personal grief

Not offered as a case for change

Civic relations is me,

and we'll include here a subcommittee for the renovation of the bordello

Supervision of the work, subcommittee head

Countess, done, with thanks

Civic relations, construction, Claudia

Countess is the second

Hiring laborers

A truth divinely writ:

we make more devotees of theater

engaging 20 laborers at $2 apiece than two of the same at $20

Busy busy busy

Is he receiving as yet?

Let me go see

Tell him last fucking call

Broken bones mortally interfering with organs is what I would like to rule out

Doc's back, Dan

Don't need the fucking Doc

Come on, Dan

Let him look at you

He come back special

You heard what the fuck I said

He wants to poke around in some innards,

tell him to work on the one I killed

Bottle?

One of the girls?

There's a clamoring line to see to you

Get the fuck out of here, Johnny

Sure

Listen for

raspy fucking shallow breathing in the course of the fucking night

Him going blue too, would hint to you to fucking come get me

Definitely

Have you ample towels?

Uh, ample, thank you

Enough hot water?

Well, I could almost wish it cooler

May I help you with your back?

What?

Scrubbing your back

Uh, I'm out--now

Thanks anyhow

Does it occur to you, banging repeatedly on the fucking wall,

either I'm not in

which makes what you're doing stupid

or being in, don't want to see you

which makes you a pain in my balls!?

Doubtless now nodding agreement like little boy fucking lost

What?

Hello

You fucking work at the bank

I do now

Not a noble "Hello" at opening,

and regal fucking look-by at the closing up of shop?

I'm at the hardware store all day, Trixie

I'll switch with you

Bank's a Jew's proper province anyways

along with the addled self-deceived

Our depositors?

The bank's founder and president, Chief Officer, as well,

of air-headed smugness and headlong plunges unawares into the fucking abyss

I-I don't understand

You wouldn't

You're too fucking healthy-minded

You'll sit here waiting for me to materialize from a piece of fucking furniture and think the world is normal

Do you want to get fucked or not?

Please

Your hair looks like a porcupine

Forgot the brush

Do you mind?

Well, no no no

That's�

How's it now?

Better

Thanks very much

I haven't finished

Oh, go ahead then

Go on

Presentable?

Very

You're young for failing eyesight

Spiny too, like a porcupine?

Huh-uh

I guess it'd be unmanly to

fear I may faint

Please don't

I'll make some arrangement

What do you mean?

For my things and the like

arrange to collect my things

Will you have me�

bring the little one back?

I'll collect Sofia

Don't forget

5 hours looking for this Goddamn board

Come on, come on, come on, come on, yeah

Think this is pretty fucking funny, don't you, Hostetler?

No

Watch me crawl around here like a Goddamn fool,

and you laughing up your fucking sleeve

Hostetler don't know where the board is

I'm the one hid it

Oh, I believe that

Definitely

Assisstant fucking baboon

You hid it, he don't know where and you can't remember where it is!

I wasn't too drunk not to know I should hide it,

but I was too drunk to keep track of where

Is this it?

Is this the board?

Clean it the fuck off!

Well, yeah. Ha ha ha

Bring it here. Bring it in

Unwrap that cocksucker!

What the fuck is that supposed to be?

Give him the board

You think I'm a fucking moron?

You think I'm a moron to fall for your fucking lies

Don't you call me dishonest

I'll call you that and worse

You hand me that then ride off with the actual board?

This is the actual board, wrapped in the cheesecloth that I stole off a horse

I never knew this board was took from where I had it until I looked for it during last night,

and that's when he told me that he had hid it

To keep you from doing something stupid

This is the board!

For Christ's sake, what difference does the rest of it make?

I don't know it's the actual board

There's no more fucking writing on it!

Shall I accept myself as satisfied,

only for Hostetler once escaped

to send the real fucking board back from Cheyenne

while he's laughing up his lying sleeve?

For Bullock to open the package and humiliate me?

Or for the fucking bank woman to humiliate me with the true fucking board?

Or to revoke my fucking security on my fucking loan?

Or whatever your fucked-up plan is to make me a fucking cunt!

I will not be called a fucking liar

I didn't live my life for that

Yeah, fuck you, Steve

We're leaving

Talk stupid to our fucking dust!

Yeah?

I wish you'd look in on Dan, boss

Not for being poorly as�

down

Johnny,�

some shit's best walked through alone

Dan's killed people before

You have too

But neither've been solitary after

A fair fight,

something Dan and I have always struggled to avoid, is different

You see the light go out of their eyes

It's just you left

and death

So that's why Dan wants to be alone

He knows where to find me

Sit down

If you want to

What are, what are we waiting for?

To see what kind of hell breaks loose

Uh, Whiskey, please

And leave the bottle

I just saw to the remains of a friend

Yes, Sir

George Hearst

Jack Young

Jack Young

Yes, Sir

How do you do, Jack?

How do you do?

Sheriff

Is he up there?

Who?

Is Hearst fucking up there, Farnum?

I cannot say

I cannot say

I cannot betray the whereabouts of an owner-guest

Mr. Hearst�

I regret not being out here with you before, Sir

Help too stupid to wake me from my nap

Not at all

On down there now, Jack

At least do that much right

Helluva fucking day

How much do you know?

I heard there was a set-to in the thoroughfare

Did you know it was my man killed?

Was that the outcome?

My man was killed, yes

I'm sorry

It happens

It's the nature of things

It don't lessen the sadness

when it's a friend's

The Sheriff joins us

Whiskey

The Sheriff recently put me on notice he is vigilant of my possible transgressions

You sound drunk to me

Whom are you addressing?

You

You sound drunk

Do I?

Mm-hmm

When I say "Fuck yourself, Sheriff,"

will you put that down to drunkenness or a

high estimate of your athleticism?

Did you just tell me

to fuck myself?

I think I did and to shut up or I'll quiet you myself

You're under arrest

Fuck you,

and shut up

or I will shut you up for good

Threatening a peace officer,

I'm taking you into custody

Don't be stupid, Bullock

Don't you be fucking stupid

Fuck you

Johnny

The Sheriff eliminates several of our options

Not a fucking word comes to print

Understood