Original subtitles

I'll come right in here.

All right,

let's go over some preliminaries. First, your name is Jessica.

And you are how old?

I'm 27.

And you're probably about 107 pounds.

What's your background?

Eh, doesn't matter.

Okay. Now, you said that you were here because you were in a car accident,

right? Ugh, yes.

It was such a freaking ordeal.

I was slightly distracted, but there was nobody on the road, so it didn't

matter. And this woman comes speeding like a fucking bat out of hell.

And I didn't see her. She came out of nowhere, and I hit her. But, I mean, it

was her fault for speeding anyway.

Oh, of course, yeah.

So... But you were on the phone.

You're like texting, right?

Well, of course.

Okay. So that's against the law.

Duh. Depends on where you're at. Okay.

Just like it's noon somewhere else. So do you have any, like, you hurt here?

You hurt there?

No, I'm just super stressed out.

There, there, there. No.

No, I was just, I just needed to be stressed after that. I mean.

So your insurance is going to pay for this therapy.

Then you're going to collect a large sum of money, and then you're going to go,

I don't know.

It's like an ice cream sundae.

Like a vacation.

Mm -hmm.

Okay,

well, I'll tell you what. I'm going to do my best part to help you out with the

situation.

So what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you a towel, and I'm going to leave

you privacy. You can take your clothes off, put the towel over you. I'm going

go in the other room.

When you're ready, holler for me, and I'll come back in.

All right. Thank you.

You're ready.

Okay.

So, we'll start with the back, obviously.

That's going to be the, probably the problem area where your tension is going

be. Yeah. And then, you work on your front.

So, let's get this towel off of there.

Excuse me. That's okay.

I've seen plenty of butt in my life.

Okay.

Let's move this hair out of the way.

I just want you to relax. Close your eyes.

Pretend you're on the beach in Maui.

And you've got some big Hawaiian guy giving you a massage.

I don't know if that's the imagery you want to put out there.

Alright, how does that feel?

It feels good.

It's a little crazy.

That's a little crazy?

I'll slow it down.

How long have you been doing massage for?

Sorry? How long have you been doing massage for?

Oh, about 7 -8 years.

How long have you been getting massages?

Since I was a kid, of course. All right.

Hmm.

Very good at what I do.

Lots of happy customers.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Yes?

Did you fart?

No, but let it go.

Huh?

Oh, this is all part of the massage.

I know.

I know in our Puritan society.

You know, the butts and the breasts are considered sexual parts, but they're

actually just part of the body itself.

I mean, these are your gluteus maximus.

These are actually muscles.

Well, it's your gluteus maximus and then your hamstring here.

Then you have your ITB tendon here.

It runs from your hip down to the outside of your thigh.

And then you have your sphincter.

Excuse me, no.

No what?

Are you not happy with my massage?

No.

You've officially gone beyond creeper status.

What the fuck? This is not a massage.

I'm not here for a happy ending.

Okay, listen. I can't do my job unless you trust me 100%. Well, right now, I'm

going to say I don't trust you 100 % given the fact that you just offered a

sphincter massage.

No, I didn't offer it.

No. I didn't offer it. No. I didn't offer it. Listen.

If you want to get... All the insurance that you can, and you want your

insurance to pay for this massage?

Uh -huh. You're going to have to let me, who I'm praying, tell you what. You're

going to get the money from the insurance company. Your insurance is

cover all your therapy and all your massages.

Because that's what I do. I'm a misogynist. I'm a professional massage

I'm pretty sure you did not use that word correctly. I did, because it's on

certificate on my wall.

What school did you go to?

St. Paul's. St. Paul's? Yes.

That's your invisible certificate?

It's in the other room. Don't get smart with me. You know what? I don't have

time for this. I have a plethora of clients that have traveled many miles to

come for these magic hands.

Okay? So you're on your own. Good luck with the insurance, buddy. Wait. Wait.

Come back.

My dad says I talk way too fucking much, and I think I just did.

What can I do for you so you don't say anything?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I think we're at an impasse here.

What can I do for you so that you get paid and I get massages?

You can start off with being less bitchy and just let me do my job.

Well, you might want to ask the girl before you spread her cheeks and offer a

center massage. That's not standard.

I still didn't offer you a sphincter massage.

No, you did.

Just like you said that you were a massage therapist instead of a massage

therapist, I think you're a little confused.

I'm not confused. I've had plenty of coffee this morning. I am sharp as a

That's why you're staring down at one spot and not looking at me at all while

you're talking.

All right, listen, you know what? I'm trying to do my job here, okay? I'm a...

Trained misogynist, okay?

This is what I do.

And you're not letting me do, and so you're just going to have to, you know

what? Good luck with your insurance claim, you know? It's actually fraud.

And your dad's going to have to handle not only an insurance claim, but a fraud

case because you're going to be in jail. And I'm done with this. Wait, wait,

wait.

What?

What can I do?

So this goes away and we're both happy.

Okay, you can start by not being such a prude. I've seen this before.

Secondly, you know what?

I've just had it with your mouth. Your dad is right. So you're just going to

have to grin and bear it.

So I can do this massage and file the paperwork and be done with it. Land your

belly.

Okay.

Can I have the towel back, please?

Thank you.

Close your eyes.

You know,

I could go to jail by helping you assist in this insurance fraud. You know, I'm

certified here by the state. I have to, like, file a claim every quarter for

anybody that comes in and says that they're doing, you know, illegal stuff

they're doing stuff that, you know, insurance is paying for, but they're not

really hurt.

Illegal stuff?

Yeah, people suck. That's the man grabbing my pit.

What are you talking about?

You know what? You're a criminal.

You get to grab criminal's tits.

I'm pretty sure that's not how things work. That's how things work.

You know what? That's how it works. That's how it works in jail.

Jail?

Who's talking about jail?

Alright, you know what? Go call your dad. Let him file all your insurance

What the hell are you talking about?

You're committing a crime and you're making me a part of it. I can't be a

of that.

I own this place. I have people that rely on me to give them work.

You're asking me to do something illegal.

It's a lose -lose situation for me.

What can I do to make it a win -win?

I... I have a big fucking mouth.

What can I do?

To make this go away, and so that you actually do get money, and I get my...

What the fuck are you doing? I'm listening carefully to your offer.

Why are you listening to the back of my head? That's a little weird.

I'm waiting for you to turn around and address my face.

I would, until you put your head back of mine.

Okay. I think we're done here. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, I'm sorry.

Listen, I...

I respect this establishment and that's why I'm here. Let's just start from

zero. Let's just lay you on your belly. We'll just start fresh.

Okay?

Sure.

Okay.

That's good.

Perfect plan.

Okay, so just lay down?

Lay down on your belly.

No.

No. You said you wanted to fix it. This is how we fix it. Lay on your belly.

Okay. Forget about the blanket.

Towel. Just lay down.

Okay. There we go.

You know, you said you had a big mouth.

You said your dad said you have a big mouth.

I got a way of fixing a big mouth for you.

Whoa, excuse me. What the fuck are you doing?

Well, I'm going to put this in that big mouth that got you into trouble.

Oh, God.

There you go.

Just open up. This is how... Listen, I can go file with the state, or you can

just put this in your mouth.

You promise?

I promise to put it in your mouth.

And you won't file? I won't file with the state

of... Okay,

I'll just file. No, no, no.

Okay,

I'll just file. No, no, no, no.

Come back.

Okay, I'll just go. No, no, no. Okay.

It's not that bad.

There we go.

There we go.

Yes.

Smells like hot oil, right?

What the fuck?

I used popcorn oil down there.

Keeps my skin young.

There we go. There we go.

Yes. Good.

Good. Work it. Work it.

Can't just suck it. You've got to get them excited.

There we go.

There we go.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes,

you're choking on it. Yes.

Come a little closer.

Come on. Come on. I'm going to bite you.

I said fucking dick, not fucking face fucking.

What the fuck?

No, I think I said face fucking.

You are a strange fucking bird.

Come here.

Pretty sure your dick won't spit in my nose.

That's it.

Oh, yes.

Better relax that throat.

You know, the one that you use to talk on the phone when you're driving.

See,

crime doesn't pay.

Come on.

You gotta want it.

You gotta want it.

There you go.

I feel like you like it. Come on.

That's it.

Oh, it's so fucking good.

Roll on your back.

I got an easier way to do this.

Roll on your back. It's okay.

It's okay.

There we go.

There we go.

There we go.

There we go.

Now that's what we're doing.

Yes.

Who the fuck has their dick stuck like this?

Train misogynist.

Oh my god. Oh my god.

Yes.

There you go, just suck on it.

Suck on the tip. There you go. There you go.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Oh,

that's good. How long is it going to take you to fucking cum?

Oh, you want me to cum now?

It's not in my face.

It's not in your face? Just a little bit more.

Just a little bit more. There you go.

There we go. There we go.

Oh, mate.

Come here.

You said you wanted me to come.

And I have to come now.

I didn't say fuck me.

No, I did.

That's part of the deal.

Yeah. Either that or I file with the state.

State, or am I dead considerate of your pussy?

State, dead considerate of your pussy.

I am fucking.

Alright, cool.

Special circumstances, especially when it comes to insurance fraud.

They demand special places.

They demand special places?

Yes.

You may not understand the word misogyny, but you certainly do. I'm glad

cleared up this situation, Jessica.

And I'm sure you learned your lesson.

So, I hope we can continue our little insurance coup d 'etat.

Yeah. I'll call you when I want a booking appointment.

Okay, great.

So, you've got to get changed really quick. Get out of here. My 10 -15 is

coming.