All language subtitles for The.Search.For.Simon.2013.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

Phone!

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Search for Simon Foundation.

David speaking.

Will you get off the phone? You are
ruining everything!

It's all right. I'm not doing anything
important.

Nothing important?

Nothing important?

Right, that's it.

Stop this war!

David, for fuck's sake. It's supposed to
be 1944.

Robert Frack is from the 90s. You can't
fucking say that here.

Get that tit off this tank.

You got a UFO sighting? Really? A real
one? Has it been corroborated?

What does it look like? Who was there?
What shield does it use?

Hi, I'm David. That's me with my face in
the mud. The guys on the tank are my

friends. They just don't understand. I
had to take that call. The Search for

Simon Foundation can never afford to
miss one, and the phone's always

Well, maybe not now.

A proper sighting.

I can't believe it.

Simon, I'm coming to get you. I promise.

The guy on the phone was alien from
Arcturus. He's my contact in the world

UFOs. He gives me all my information for
a price he never lets me down.

What did you do that for?

Sorry, mate, I was...

I was German last week. Sorry.

I mean, why'd you bring him, you
numbnuts, huh? Why?

Huh?

Oh, the hero doth return.

Look, enough of the negative vibes
already.

This is your eighth final warning.

I mean, look at you.

You're not even in proper uniform for
Sutherland's sake.

All those in favour of David Jones being
banned

from the Kelly's Heroes Reenactment
Society for life, say

aye.

Aye. Against.

Aye.

Motion carry.

Now piss off.

I'm eating cheese and drinking wine.

I'm sorry, mate.

You voted against me. I know, but I
still want to be a member.

They've got a tank.

I know.

Anyways, they're pissed with me because
I was the one who introduced you in the

first place.

But I just want you to get a hobby or a
girlfriend. Well, anything.

You know, something to take your mind
off your obsession.

Truth is not an obsession.

Searching for Simon has consumed your
every waking second since you were 11

years old.

Ten. I know.

Ten.

I just want you to get your life back.

Oh, look, come on. Let's talk about it
on the way home.

Do something with this car. You're never
going to get a go in this car.

You should put flames on the side.

Girls like cars with flames on the side.

I don't know how you can afford a car.

Have you seen how much petrol is these
days?

Don't riff off.

And look at all these leaves.

They're everywhere.

Leaves burn, don't they?

Why can't we just spin our car up with
them?

Leaves are something that actually grows
on trees.

I'm a ufologist, philosopher and
passionate vlogger.

Now, I know what you're thinking. It
must be a pretty exciting life.

Travelling the world, looking for exotic
vlogging locations, beautiful women,

meetings with secret clandestine
government organisations, the ubiquitous

black, aliens and abductions and things
like that.

If only.

To be honest, it's mostly meeting a
whole load of A1 nutcases and looking at

really bad footage of UFOs.

I've spent my life trying to unravel the
mysteries of the stars, travelling the

seven seas to the four corners of the
planet.

My quest is to solve the 30 -year
mystery of the alien abduction of Simon.

We all know some of these sightings are
fake, but what if they aren't? And the

truth is, we don't know the truth.

I'm David Jones, and I'm looking for my
brother.

And one day I'll find him.

I mean, they all laughed at Newton, and
he went on to invent the apple.

This is the tower, my favourite thinking
place. It's where my brother

disappeared.

Obviously, I've thought about alien
child abduction a lot.

I believe that if you're abducted, you
get tested to see if you're A1 or not,

just like being in the army.

And if you're not good enough, they send
you back.

And if you are good enough, they don't
send you back. They keep you.

Which also explains all the missing
people in the world.

Or should I say, off -world.

There's research to do as well. Every
week I go and pick up the latest issue

American UFO Hunter magazine.

It's dedicated to people like me. It's
only 40 quid with the import tax, but

get a free badge.

I buy the lottery ticket as well. Mum
says it's a tax on hope, but where

hope, there's life, right?

Life, up in the stars.

I think everyone secretly hopes there's
life out there, but don't want to say.

Like it makes them look stupid,
believing in the unbelievable.

But what could be more stupid?

A closed mind.

Thanks very much.

It's just part of the routine.

Then I leave the picket on top of the
mantelpiece. I always forget to check

but Mum's avid. She watches the numbers
come up like a hawk.

I use the same numbers. It's the
trajectory of a starship's flight plan

the Earth's atmosphere and head to
Proxima Centauri, which I feel might be

best bet, as it's the closest star
system.

I like the magazine. It has lots of
interesting stories. And it's where I

the advert from Alien from Arcturus. It
was a sign.

Proxima Centauri, Alpha Centauri,
Arcturus.

They're all in the same sector of the
galaxy.

Well, at least I think they are.

Oh, hey, David. How's it going? Yeah,
all right. What happened to the UFO

sighting guy? I sent you the $300.

I know, I know. I was taken in by that
guy, too. I apologize. But look, I've

been doing some research for you, and I
found this beautiful little island. It's

known for its clear skies, its lack of
light pollution, which is ideal for UFO

spotting.

Okay, I'm getting interested.

Plus, it's right down the road.

Really? Where?

Denmark.

You probably think I'm mad for paying
Alien for Mark Truist all that money.

But he's like a focal point. Whenever I
don't know what to do or I'm lost with

how to find Simon or where to go next,
he gives me a new mission or someone to

meet. And I checked the island out. He
was right.

There's been a lot of UFO activity.

One of the most distant stars visible to
the naked eye, at night time of course,

is V762 in the Cassiopeia constellation.

It's 154 million billion kilometres
away, which is 16 ,308 light years.

And it means we see the star as it was
more than 16 ,000 years ago. We are time

travelling with our eyes.

I wonder what I would see if I could
just travel back 30 years.

See that?

They're aliens.

Aliens? Yeah, aliens from another
planet.

Brought to us on spores, on the back of
comets.

Crashed into the Earth.

Millions of years ago.

Little aliens.

They just looked so

alien.

Sometimes I think clouds look like
mushrooms, or angry sheep, or even

alien spacecraft.

I'm not really sure if aliens would want
to visit Earth on a cloudy day. They

wouldn't be able to see very much.
They'd just hover about, looking

their packed space lunches whilst idly
fiddling with their tourist maps.

I wonder if they have pubs or maybe a
bar in the corner on the holodeck where

they only serve light beers.

Can you get done for drink driving in
space?

Probably there's bound to be cosmic
police or something.

What can we help you with?

What could it be?

One of them, please.

35 kroner.

35 kroner, thank you.

You can do it.

Are you from England?

Yeah, you?

Yes.

What are you doing here?

I'm here writing a book.

About the island?

Oh, no.

It's just easier to concentrate.

No internet, phone reception.

My PA says it's like I disappear off the
face of the planet.

What brings you here?

I'm looking for my brother. He was
taken.

Well, abducted.

Abducted? By aliens.

Really?

How long ago was that?

30 years. Not that I'm upset about it or
anything like that.

And what makes you think he was
abducted? By aliens?

My dad told me.

Your dad?

Yeah, he said, Simon's been abducted by
aliens.

That's what he said. What he actually
said.

Well, what he actually said was, your
brother's been abducted by aliens.

OK.

And you haven't seen Simon since?

No.

Which reminds me, I'd better go outside
and see if the clouds are clearing.

Oh, I don't think they will.

Still, got to try.

Listen, I think I might be able to help
you.

Help me?

Yes. Help you find what you're looking
for.

Oh, no, I don't think so. You're a
writer.

Not a ufology.

Best leave it to the professionals.

See ya.

For the cloud to never clear, it was
time to go home.

How do you always know when I'm here?

Because I'm watching you, David.

Disconcerting. Listen, I got another guy
for you. This one is 100 % genuine.

Like the last bloke who was genuine?

Look, you win some, you lose some. What
are you going to do? You're lucky I

don't charge you by the hour, you know?
There's plenty of other UFO guys out

there who would pay top dollar for this
kind of lead.

Now, do you want the lead or not?

Okay, where is he?

Utah. Utah.

Utah.

So they tell me that this flower is
edible. And I thought,

maybe they're just having a laugh.

They say, yeah, you can eat the flower,
and then go, hee -hee, and then come

back.

It's very planty.

Whilst in Utah, I decided to catch up
with my friend Professor Emick.

She's an expert on cosmic communications
and used to be a big thing at NASA

until she wrote a paper about UFOs being
dragons.

I met her when she was teaching at the
special school I used to go to.

The universe is big, very big.

And our tiny solar system floats
lethargically within the Milky Way.

Billions of star systems, each with
their own orbiting planetary systems,

existing within the Verga hypercluster.
Is this making any sense?

Very big, milky star clusters.

Well, Earth is just one planet within
the big, milky star clusters.

Being arrogant humans, We assume that
alien life can only be found on Earth

-like planets orbiting sun -like stars.

But even with this narrow view, we can
calculate the number of civilizations in

our galaxy with whom communication might
be possible.

Calculate? But how?

I've written the mathematics down for
you. Here.

Half -price leg waxing. Oh, wrong
trousers.

182 million.

Just for our galaxy.

182 million civilizations?

Really? Wow.

It's highly unlikely that we're alone.

I knew it. I knew that they were out
there. But why don't they communicate?

Who knows?

Maybe they're too far away.

Or maybe they just don't care.

Or maybe they're waiting to contact us
once we reach to a certain...

technological or political or ethical
standard.

Which means they might never speak to
us.

Professor Emick, do you believe my
brother was abducted by aliens?

Listen, David, there's more to life than
just life out there.

And just because we have no evidence of
aliens or UFOs does not mean that they

don't exist.

Maybe they really... are here, among us,
observing

us, unseen.

If you know what I mean.

Not really.

Not sure.

Coffee, tea, soda, donut, milkshake?
Milkshake.

Milkshake. Milkshake.

Alien

from

Arcturus? Yes. No, I'm not alien from
Arcturus. I'm... Sorry.

It's mostly based on facts, you know.

So I hear.

I have the, uh, pictures.

Great. AFA said they were very
revealing.

Well, not much left to the imagination,
if you know what I mean.

Wow. And you can see their faces.

Well, you can see what it is.

It's not even blurry.

No.

Maybe they were in daylight.

They were in a room.

A room? How did they get there?

They used a key.

Look. Look, look.

Well, how much have you got?

Uh... Uh... Uh... $247.

And this comedy, $1 billion bill.

Well, that'll have to do.

Some good men died to get these
pictures.

Really? Well, not actually died, but the
photographer's wife stubbed her toe

very badly.

Oh, dear.

Good day.

What the... Wait.

These are bollocks.

Correct. And these are Brett.

No, I thought you had pictures of
aliens.

Aliens? Yes, aliens. I've come all the
way from England for this.

Oh.

Well, how much have you got?

I don't have any pictures.

But I do.

Is that what I think it is?

I'll get you a thousand dollars as soon
as I'm back in England.

Make sure you do.

You were supposed to text me, David,
before you walked through the house.

Sorry, Mum. Ran out of credit.

Oh, typically useless.

How have you been?

Pissed, mostly.

Does anyone want to know where I've
been?

No.

Been to America.

Utah. Trying to find Simon, Mum.

Oh, don't!

Have you seen the bloody corkscrew?

Trying to make me look stupid?

No, Mum.

Well, you're the stupid one.

Going to America, wasting your money,
pissing it away.

Oh, you're nothing but a drain, David.

Your father was a drain and now you're
one.

At least I don't drink like one.

You've got some more parcels.

I put them in your room.

Waste of money, David. My money.

I'm not your personal postal slave, you
know.

I wouldn't mind if it was something for
me, but it never is.

And the postman's a woman.

When did that happen?

If aliens do exist, a useless article
like you isn't going to find them.

When are you going to get a job, David?

Stop paying some rent.

Hmm?

When are you going to get a girlfriend?

Someone... Someone you could talk to.

Do you think your mother acts the way
she does to try and help you?

Difficult to say.

Okay, let's forget about your mother.
What about your father?

What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

What did the water say to the boat?

Nothing.

It just bathed.

Why do skeletons bite each other?

Because they don't have any guts.

That's right, they don't have any guts.
Space ships, Daddy, space ships.

Space ships, space ships, space ships.
Here we go.

Space ships.

Dad, can I have a go, please?

No, don't.

You're too big.

Come on.

He walked out after Simon disappeared.

He was killed by a car.

He drank too.

I'm sorry.

What about your friends?

What's your relationship like with them?

Friendly.

OK.

For instance, what do they think of your
search for Simon?

They don't like me mentioning it.

And do they tell you why?

Because I never stop talking about it.

Oh. And do you agree with them?

I may talk about it from time to time,
but if it was their brother who had gone

missing, I wouldn't mind them talking
about it at all.

I'd help them look, but they don't.
Nobody does.

Even Robert stopped looking.

But who would have taken Simon in the
first place? Look, Simon may have been

abducted by space pirates.

Space pirates?

Space pirates.

It's obvious.

The universe is a huge place.

It takes a massive amount of power to
get from one place to another place. So

you need a bloody good reason to go from
that place to that place in the first

place. Money.

Hence space pirates. If money is
involved, someone is going to try and

But don't you think the motive for space
exploration would be science?

Hello, McFly. Where have you been? Has
any exploration been motivated by

ever? Yes.

No, it's all about beating the
neighbours and keeping ahead of the

and helium -3 and all that. We only went
to the moon to piss off the Russians.

There's probably an atomic missile in
the old lunar lander, which brings me

to space pirates.

So, have you tried to get out a bit
more?

Try and find other interests?

Yeah, I've tried a few things, but I get
chucked out of everything I join.

That must be difficult.

Yeah, it gets very lonely.

And have you found a way to cope with
that?

I did try something to make it all
better.

Oh, yes? And what was that?

Suicide.

Hello, everyone.

I see we're all here, which is always a
good sign.

I'd like everyone to welcome our new
member, David. Say hello.

Hi.

Hi.

And now, David, perhaps you'd like to
tell us what brings you here tonight?

I thought we were going for a drink.

You too?

I'm sure everyone will find your story
very interesting.

We like to share each other's grief.

And write it down in a book?

I change the names.

Now, David, your turn.

What happened to you?

Well, you know, I just had enough of
everyone.

Being disinterested in everything I said
or did.

I felt I was worthless.

And so I put on my favourite shirt, lay
down on my bed, and thought I'm going to

wait for one hour.

And if anyone phones or texts or
parachutes through the window, then

God's way of telling me that I should
live.

And that's cool.

And if nothing happens, then that's
God's way of saying I'm not needed

I'm a mistake.

An oversight.

A waste.

And what happened?

I won the lottery.

Yeah, it's funny. There I was in my
bedroom dying, and my mum was watching

Euro lottery, and my numbers came up.

Well, not all of them, but five of them.
I won £63 ,702.

And the funny thing is, if I hadn't won,
then Mum would never have come up to my

room. Christ, David.

David. And I would have died.

Oh, God, what have you done now, you
silly butt?

It was a sign to carry on.

Carry on?

Carry on looking for Simon.

It meant I could dedicate my whole...

to looking for my little brother.

And is there any of the money left?

Well, not much.

I've had 14 trips to Nevada to go to
Area 51.

Couldn't get in.

Some ex -US Marines night vision
goggles. They were awesome.

6K. Tried them out in the rain. They
stopped working.

Should have said something about that on
the box. Don't use in the wet. Not much

use as a Marine, really, is it?

Is that Rob?

Hi, it's Sally, Jess's friend.

Jess, your sister?

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Yeah, good, thank you.

I was just wondering if you were going
to be seeing your friend David Jones

any time soon?

How was Utah, anyway?

Oh, well, you won't believe it, but I
actually managed to pick up an alien

tentacle. Look, my sister's here, and
she's brought Sally.

Sally who?

She has your book.

Sally? My book?

Oh, whatever. I just want you to
chaperone her, all right?

Absolutely. No problem. I'd love to.

You have no idea what I'm talking about,
do you?

Not really, no. No. I just want you to
look after her.

Help her out with the rules and stuff.

Oh, about tonight's game, I thought I'd
like to try something different, you

know, a bit of a genre wobble. Maybe mix
the fantasy with something from another

world. Please, nothing about Simon being
abducted.

The lads have had just about as much as
they can take.

Gentlemen and grown -up.

Hiya, Derek. Colin.

You got your army?

Yeah, all here.

Still in the bag, I see.

No respect for his faithful legion.

Chippeth the painted doth.

He paints them.

I thought he got them off that bloke. He
paints with his mouth.

Look, I don't have time to paint them
like you do. I've got other things to

Other things to do.

Hi, Jess. How do... Strangely familiar
girl.

Sally, from the... Club.

Hi, Sally. Nice to see you.

This is going to go on for a while, is
it?

Set it up, then.

This better not go ticked up.

Jesus.

Sally's had a really difficult time
lately.

What with that nutcase of a boyfriend.

Tortured bloody genius, indeed.

Failed Suicide Club, and now you want to
introduce her to another nutcase.

Just this one?

I'll never ask again.

It had to be stored.

Boy, any of the others would have been
better.

Even Groner. And he chose his own name.

David's not a nutcase.

You know that.

It's not his fault.

He just needs his focus.

Refocusing, that's all.

Needs a lobotomy, if you ask me.

What are they?

Orcs, mostly. This is a minotaur, and
those are a couple of trolls, but mostly

they like to be called Derek and Colin.

And what do they do?

I mean, the orcs, that is. Well,
sometimes we attack, sometimes we

Whatever we do, we wreak death and
destruction.

And what are the others playing?

Humans, elves, all sorts, really.

Would you like to help me play?

He needs all the help he can get.

I'm not sure. I'm not really good at
things like this.

How would you like to shut up a minute?

Go, Sally.

I'm usually quite shy.

My brother was shy.

David, let's start whilst I'm still
alive.

You'll go first, grown -up.

Right, grab an orc. OK.

I'll be little of the war. Come down to
the war.

Take them with the elves.

Yes, we've got seven goblins. Oh, my
God, this is pretty fun. Just keep an

on the rhino, OK? Just watch the rhino.
Watch the rhino. Block the rhino. Block

that rhino.

Block that rhino. You've got a powerful
goblin. You smell really nice, by the

way. You sniff a lot of gowns.

Where's your garden of all God? So, down
to your last orc, mighty emperor.

Another week, another crushing defeat.

Not this time.

Suddenly, there's a glowing light in the
sky and a star shroom comes down and

sucks up the last orc with a tractor
beam.

No, and takes him away to deep space so
he can live with his space -hawk

brothers for all eternity.

You just can't give it a rest, can you,
retard?

Numb skull, bonehead, dingbat.

It always has to be about aliens with
you, doesn't it? What's the matter with

them?

They're not happy I mixed the game
worlds. It's like crossing the streams,

it worked for Venkman in the first film.
Right, that's it. Up, Scam.

Back to the real world, away from the
Theo and Bad.

Come on.

Alien from Arcturus. How's it going?

Oh, David, hi.

How's it going, man?

David, listen.

That payment you sent bounced, and it's
not cool.

Did it?

Sorry, I'll have a look.

Yeah, seriously. No money, no info,
okay? I'm not in this for my health.

Why is money always your first concern?
I thought we had a relationship here.

Would you relax, please? God, I'm just
the middle man, man. I am just the

insanely handsome conduit between you
and the mucked -up weirdo world of

abductee nutters. I'm a believer, man,
just like you. I just pass on the

information. Yeah, but it feels like
you're trying to rip me off.

Rip you off? I can't believe you even
said that. I thought we were friends.

Listen, I got a new contact for you.
This guy's fantastic.

He's from NASA, okay? He even gave me
this cool NASA pen. It's a laser pointer

and an actual pointer pointer, huh?

NASA. Wow, NASA.

That is pretty cool.

Anyway, Utah wasn't a complete waste of
time.

What is it? Hold that up.

That looked like an alpha draconian
tail.

A what?

Uh, nothing.

I don't know what that is.

You just said Alpha Draconian tail tip.

I... No, I didn't.

I think you did.

Listen, Dave, I gotta go. I didn't say
that.

Listen, $500 for the NASA guy's name and
his Skype address, and we'll be all

set, okay?

$500?

Listen, you Yankee tosser, I'm sick of
you... I gotta go, man. I'll see you

soon. I think you're breaking up. I
can't... Look, $500, PayPal, you know

to do about it. I'll see you soon. Speak
soon. Ciao.

Bollocks.

But abduction is expensive.

Not for the abductee, of course, they
get it for free, but for the ones who

left behind, like me.

There's books for starters on aliens,
stargazing, crop circles, abduction,

mysterious sightings, Area 51, space
wrecks, identifying mushrooms, playboy

bunnies, UFOs, lost ancient gods and
tanks.

No, not tanks.

And all sorts of conspiracy theory stuff
that even I think's nonsense.

Maybe I've wasted my money. Maybe I'm
running out of time. Maybe the Apollo 13

astronaut tissues were a bad investment.

Maybe I've got to face facts. Maybe I'm
just going to have to get a job.

Shit.

David, it was nice to hear from you, but
I can't get you a job.

You see, we... we are moving to
Istanbul.

And we're going to blow up the storeroom
at the university.

Angela, it's me, David. We met at the
Swindon Futurological Conference.

Never heard of you. Now leave me alone,
I'm on my lunch. I know.

I've only got ten minutes.

I know, I got you your lunch to save you
time.

You picked up my order?

Yes. Well, how did you know what I
wanted?

It's in your interview.

It says preferring macrobiotic foods and
brown rice. Better living through

chemistry. She laughed, but I couldn't
find any. So I got you a burger, chips

and some cake.

Could I have a word with you?

What about?

Bastard. It's classified.

It's all classified. My lunch was
classified.

I just wondered if maybe, maybe I could
get a job with you.

Collecting my lunch?

Well, not ideal, but I could if it's
going.

Swindon Futurological Conference.

If I said the word helicopter to you,
what would you think?

Nothing.

Angela! Wait! Stop! Dad!

Angela!

Angela! It's David!

He's got extra experience!

Can I take it off?

Step in! I'm scared!

Step in!

I've got a pet!

Stop! Dad!

Did I mention the cake?

Okay, David.

Hmm, not the most impressive CV I've
ever seen.

A single RFA level, failed to finish
school, and failed to complete a degree

cosmic navigation.

Space is big, if you'll excuse the pun.
What pun?

Oh, I thought that was a pun, isn't that
a pun?

Okay, here's your chance.

Sell me you.

Right, well, I have many talents and
qualities I can bring to a company such

British Aeronautical and Research Space
Technology thingy.

One, I'm British.

Two, I know all about UFOs and you
probably work with UFOs on a daily

That's classified.

And aliens, I love aliens. You've
probably got aliens working in this

That's classified.

And my middle name is Tiberius. Is it?
No, but I can change it if it helps.

Now listen.

David, Bastard is not just about
communicating with alien beings.

It isn't?

That's classified.

Space technology is incredibly
complicated.

There's all sorts of problems. The
vacuum of space, heat management issues,

even the logistics of having restrooms
in a weightless environment.

Isn't that just taking the piss?

I just don't see where you're going to
fit in.

Oh, I don't mind. Any sort of death is
fine with me.

Enough!

David, now listen, I'm going to give you
one last chance and I want you to

really think about the answer to this
question.

Really think.

Where do you see yourself in five years'
time?

Oh, that's a tricky one. Five years.

I'd have to say I see myself on a giant
star shroom travelling the galaxy on the

cosmic seas with my brother Simon by my
side.

I really have to get back to work.

So, is that a yes?

What kind of cake is it?

R. R?

The cake is a lie.

Then it's a no, David. A definite no.

Are you sure I can't ask you to
reconsider?

I've got lots of ideas that you might be
interested in.

Hear that?

David, make a note.

Dad was always saying, write this down
or make a note.

I'm not a very fast writer, so I've just
got this box full of bits of paper.

This one says, element of surprise.

Element of surprise.

Yeah.

That's what does it.

Little rat scurrying along there.

Eagle comes down.

Gone.

Element of surprise.

You see, you get older.

Someone's got a bit of beef with you.

You're in the pub.

Having a pint.

Guy probably knocked into you. Oh,
what's that? You spilled my pint? You

my pint? Oh, talk to him.

Relax him.

Oh, sorry, mate.

Sorry. Didn't mean to do that.

Bang!

Element of surprise.

Element of surprise.

This one just says...

Potato.

Write your note.

Hello? Miss Eldridge!

I'm not sure you remember me. I'm your
publisher.

Oh, hi.

I wonder if you remember we had a talk a
little while back about a deadline?

Yes, the book draft.

Well, I'm nearly finished with the final
chapter.

Oh, have you?

Oh, what a clever little girl you are.

No, you won't be disappointed.

I'm already disappointed, Miss Eldridge.

Very disappointed.

As disappointed as you would be if you
found a... a wasp in your ice cream.

In your mouth.

Which can be arranged, but... that's for
another day.

Will this chapter be any good?

It's the piece de resistance.

I'm not interested.

I'm not interested in anything except
your worthless book landing on my

expensive desk immediately.

This isn't art, honey.

Oh, and one thing before you go, Miss
Eldridge.

Deadline has the word dead in it.

For a reason.

I promise.

David, where have you been?

You've missed the failed Suicide Club
meetings and you've not been in for your

sessions.

I don't feel suicidal anymore.

I didn't want to go in the first place.

But we've nearly got to the bottom of
things.

We need to continue for the good of the
book.

I mean, the boy, David.

You, the boy.

No, no, I can't do tonight.

It's me and Rob's film night and he's
let me choose for once.

My mother...

No, she won't talk to you. She won't
talk to anyone about it, especially

who ask.

It gets all defensive.

Defensive?

No, don't worry. I won't talk to her.

I'll speak to you soon, David.

OK. Bye.

Yes? Mrs. Jones?

And who are you? I'm a friend of
David's.

Are you sure?

Your girl?

Is he in?

No. Oh, good. Because it's you I want to
talk to.

Well, I'm busy.

Countdown. Just started on the telly. I
just wanted to chat about David.

I'm his biography writer.

Biography?

Didn't he tell you?

Oh, he's just being modest.

Yes, we're writing a book about his
search.

His bloody obsession.

That too.

Good luck.

Oh, Mrs Jones.

I think maybe I can help David.

And, uh... This is getting warm.

What's that for?

Oh, just in case I forget.

Know what you mean, love.

Cheers.

Mmm. Nice.

The good stuff.

So, let's talk about David.

Oh, do we have to?

For the night chat.

What was he like as a baby?

Unplanned.

Right. I wanted a daughter and got him.

So we tried again and got his brother.

What about school?

School?

Well, Simon was the brain.

David wasn't good at anything.

He even got thrown out of Cubs.

He could never stick to anything.

Every week, another job.

Yes.

Tell me more about Simon.

Simon.

Poor Simon.

Bloody awful thing that happened.

Should have been handled better.

He'd be 37 now.

Oh.

That's it.

That's your lot. What?

You have to go now.

Why? He's on his way back.

He sends me a text so that I can be out
of the way when he comes in.

Save any embarrassing silences. You have
to leave now.

But get out.

No, back door.

Maybe I'll call your movie. You can go
around the back when he gets in.

Pain in the ass.

Hello, Mum. Didn't you get my text?

Yes, I did.

What's that?

It's a sandie. Rob gave it to me.

I don't want it here.

It's all right. It's going up in my
room.

Mum,

what are you doing?

Don't send it.

Stop it!

Mum, no!

It's not worth anything.

And neither are you.

I hate you.

I hate you. I hate you. It's not
rubbish. It reminds me of Simon. Simon.

Jesus.

Let him go.

Why can't you just let him go?

Because I still love him.

And I don't.

Then one day, I had an epiphany. I
looked up and then realized Jesus was an

alien. He arrived in his spaceship, the
big star, then told loads of people

clever stuff, did a few miracles, and
then disappeared back up into space.

Alien, UFO, obvious.

So now I dress like this.

And I wait.

Pub quiz tonight.

Sally might come.

Oh, no Sally.

David, I got you a lemonade.

Oh, that's brilliant, thanks. I hope
it's all right.

Yeah, yeah, great.

So, whose team are you on?

Oh, yours.

Brilliant.

Hello, Jeff. Hi, Rob.

What's the matter?

What?

Something the matter?

Has it started?

It is round one. Are they doing
charades?

I went before I came.

What? I have no urge. Are you quiet?

Bloody charades. I'm just trying to draw
your attention to the fact that Sally's

here tonight. I know she's here. I saw
her. She saw me. I talked to her. She

bought me a drink. Shut up.

What I'm trying to say is that she's
here for you. For me?

Did I do something wrong? Oh, so many
things, David. But fortunately, she

you, so I wanted to forewarn you.

Forewarn me that she likes me?

Yes, so you can respond accordingly.

Right.

Well, you know, be nice and not weird
about Simon.

Not weird about Simon. Or any other sort
of weird. Are you saying that weird

isn't good?

Do you think David's all right?

David? Really?

Seriously?

He needs a check -up from the neck -up.
I mean, Sal, he's about as far as all

right as I am from shagging a monkey.

Hell, fine damsels.

I understand fancy dress to be the order
of the evening?

Sod off, weirdo.

I may think if the lady protested too
much.

Piss off, knobhead.

What you fail to understand, milady, is
that each team must comprise of five

noble, worthy challengers.

Well, in that case, just stay there and
shut up there, monkey boy.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am Donald Heron.
Ding, ding, round one.

You have posed.

Wow, I might actually know some of the
answers.

Now, some of these questions have
multiple choice answers, so please look

for the options at the end.

All right, you ready to go? Let's start
with question number one.

What does UFO stand for?

That's easy. I thought they'd be more
difficult than that.

Question two.

How many alien abduction cases have been
proved genuine?

Is it A, 8 %?

B, 50 %? C, 25 %? Or D, none at all?

I think it's 50%. Half of them.

Question three.

Which pub local has been searching for
his adopted brother?

Is it A, Monkey Man Groner, B, Mad Bass,

you wouldn't like me when I'm angry,
Derek, or C, David's sorcerer boy,

Jones?

This is one I know.

Question number four, and this is a real
easy one.

How many years has David wasted
searching for his brother?

Is it A, 10 long years?

B, 20 even longer years?

D, 30 ridiculously stupid long years? Or
D, the whole

of his pathetically meaningless life?

Okay, you've had your fun.

Question five.

Where is David's brother?

Simon? Is he, A, out in the stars,
perving through the universe, B,

hiding in the back garden, hoping that
David never finds him, or C, dead?

Are you happy now?

Ecstatic! Oh, nothing better than a pair
of playground bullies!

People call Earth Mother Earth, right?

And Venus is a girl, and Neptune clearly
a man, so planets have sex, right?

So maybe Mars and Earth got together,
made three little moons, then split up.

Earth got the moon, and Phobos and
Deimos went to go live with their dad,

It must be really difficult for a single
mother planet to meet a new partner.

You didn't know there were female
planets?

Jeez.

Mankind has a lot to learn about the
universe.

Hello? Hi, it's David.

Listen, I was wondering, are you free
today? I want to go and see something.

Can you read a map? Don't you have a sat
-nav?

Not of Earth, no.

Alpha Centauri seem more exotic.

I can navigate if you want.

Are you able to come over now?

Now?

I'm just leaving for work.

Work.

Right, I didn't realise you worked.

Well, I can call in Dick if you like.

Would you?

I'd really appreciate it.

Well, yeah, I mean, I deserve a day off.

You're coming?

Brilliant. I'm all yours.

All right, I'll see you in ten.

Thanks.

Nice car.

It's getting on a bit.

Oh, I can see the paint job.

I mean, you could put flames on it. I
mean, everyone loves flames down the

of the car.

So, do we know where yet? In Wiltshire?

Yes, in a field in Wiltshire.

What's in a field in Wiltshire?

Crop Circle.

Oh.

Yes, it appeared overnight. I looked it
up online.

Then why do we need to go in here?

Well, you know, I like to go there
myself, see what I can see, feel the

that sort of thing.

See if you can search for Simon.

Perhaps.

Never give up hope.

That's what I think.

No.

Never give up hope.

I think we should give up hope.

Never.

Do you know where we are?

Not really.

Look, maybe we should stop for a bit.

When the stars come out, I can get my
bearings and work out where we are.

I've bought a tent.

You can navigate from the stars?

Well, yes, I did study deep space
navigation.

Look, there's a field there.

You can pitch a tent and tell me about
the stars.

OK.

I didn't know you had a camera. I don't.
It's my brother's.

I have to give it back to him before he
notices.

It'll kill me if he finds out.

No, he will.

Oh.

So, is this your tent?

Yes, I know it's not much, but, well,
the other one burnt down.

Oh.

Seen anything yet?

No, not yet. I haven't really started
looking.

Why not?

Oh, you know what they say.

No. Watched pot never boils.

Am I missing something?

You're smiling.

I've never seen you smile before.

It's a nice smile.

Well, um, I believe that if you look
right up in the sky, you'll never

see a UFO.

Right. So, how do you actually see them,
then? Well, that's just the point.

You don't see them.

They see you.

That's why I'm out here in the open. So
they can see me.

Like they saw Simon.

Besides, it's not like there's a big X
in the sky saying X marks the spot.

Look here, is there?

I bought chocolate.

Did you? Brilliant.

We'd better go and start planting mine.

Start planting them? Yeah, we've got to
start planting the chocolates for the

aliens.

Oh. Stands to reason. You're in a
spaceship a long time, what's the first

you want when you land?

Chocolate. Everybody likes chocolate.

Besides spaceship crews, rubbish.

Come on, let's go planting. Let's go.

Ferrero Rocher.

Ah, a conifer.

You see, I put them down in a similar
formation to crop circles I've seen

the world to tell them that I understand
their message.

And what is their message?

I'm not sure.

But, I mean, it can't be bad, right? I
mean, why else bother?

And why are you taking the rapidol? Ah,
well, you see, the foil interferes with

the signal.

Oh, right.

So, do the aliens actually take them?

Well, they do tend to disappear.

Good.

Well, yes and no. Sometimes I think they
have been and eaten them and sometimes

I think it's a sheep or a badger.

Ta -da!

Listen, I've got some marshmallows back
at the tent if you're interested.

In planting?

No, in eating.

Oh, now you're talking.

Let's go.

They're in here somewhere.

Aha, marshmallows.

I'll get a fire going.

Do you want a torch?

Oh, yeah.

What's this?

Chewie. It's the only figure he didn't
have when he was abducted. I thought I'd

keep it so, you know, when I find Simon,
I've got it for him.

I'd like to help you look for Simon.

Really?

I don't think that's a good idea.

Why not?

I've been looking for him for years, and
I could carry on looking for him for

years, and there's no guarantee I'm ever
going to find him, and then you'll have

wasted your whole life.

Yeah, but you don't think you've wasted
your life.

No, but it's my life. It's my search.
It's my Simon.

Well, I think it's a good thing you're
looking for him.

You do?

Yeah.

No -one's ever said that before.

Well, I think it's important to care
about family, even if they have been

abducted by aliens.

And I know that if I was ever taken, I'd
want someone to search for me.

You would?

Yeah.

Someone like you. Someone who never
gives up.

I like that in someone.

I like that in you.

Thank you.

I should get some sleep. I'm a bit
tired.

I'm just going to watch the stars come
out.

Look, that one's Arcturus.

I'm, er... I'll just be a minute.

OK.

Oh, no.

Not again.

Sally? Sally?

David, I'm here.

Why did you set fire to the tent?

I didn't set fire to the tent. I was
looking at the stars and I fell asleep.

no! Sally,

it's only a camera.

Sally? It's not worth it.

Get out! Get out! It's on fire! The tent
is on fire! What are you doing?

I got it. It was the only one he could
have.

Where were you anyway?

I needed a wee.

Lucky bladder.

I suppose we'd better go home then.

I've got a ten.

You've got a ten?

Why didn't you say so?

I didn't want you thinking that yours
wasn't good enough.

Sally.

Yeah?

You're magnificent.

I've always got some left. I don't know
why they put so many of these in the

bag. It seems ridiculous.

Sally?

Sally?

in the middle of an actual crop circle.

It's unbelievable.

I can't believe that I'm here in a crop
circle. I can't help you. I'm doing a

vlog. It's really important.

The crop circle was amazing.

I felt a connection, a cosmic
connection.

Such a clear message from Simon saying,
don't give up.

And was Sally as equally amazed about
the crop circle?

I don't think it meant as much to her as
it did to me.

The crop circle pyjama photographs were
tweeted.

Two million hits in six hours and
rising.

Idiot.

I feel torden.

Excited that Simon has sent such a clear
sign to me, but sad that Sally tried

to hit me.

Yes, tricky.

She won't answer the phone either.

She makes me feel sick, so I know I must
really like her.

David, we're all looking for something,
but it's not always what we think we are

looking for.

Pardon?

What do you see when you think of Simon?

Oh, I just feel all this emotion.

Loss, hatred, fear, betrayal.

You name it, I can almost hear the
screams.

Negative emotional energy, guilt, all
very powerful forces.

You know...

What really surprises me is that nobody
else is looking for Simon.

It's like they've all given up.

And why do you think that is?

I think that right now, you need to
focus on not losing Sally.

Thanks for listening to Contact FM.

I'm here till 5 o 'clock.

If you've got any problems on your mind,
give us a call.

Don't be scared to share your problems
with us.

We've got a caller on the line.

Hello, caller. Who am I talking to?

Hello, it's David.

Hello, David. Thanks for calling Contact
FM.

We're listening. OK, how can I help?

I was looking for someone.

So, exactly, how long have you been
looking for this special person?

Two weeks isn't very long. It is. It's
ever since the pyjama incident in the

tent. After that photographer said to
show us your bits.

Remember, David, everyone can hear you.

I know. I blame the satellites.

Yeah. OK.

Well, thanks for calling.

Not a job.

Is Sally not there?

I'm Sally, David. I'm Sally Sneed at
Contact FM.

Oh, no. Wrong Sally.

I rang to... I apologise to Sally Sally,
other Sally, for the pictures of her

that went viral on the web.

Especially after she skived off work
just for me.

Really?

Oh yes.

She phoned in sick. Don't tell anyone
else. But she said her boss was a

complete... You're fired.

It's Sally Sneed, 321. Thanks for
listening to Contact FM. Who's next on

line? Hi, it's Michael. Hello there,
Michael.

What's on your mind? Well, I saw some
strange lights in the sky.

Hello? Hello?

Sally, you answered.

I lost my job.

Oh, sorry about that.

You hurt me.

Did I?

Where? No, not...

Stop. Just stop.

You're a selfish git, you know, leaving
me to face those photographers on my own

while you were too busy inspecting your
bloody crop circle.

I mean, you embarrassed me in front of
the whole world and did bloody nothing

help. I mean, Christ could have burnt to
death while you snoozed off a Ferrero

Rocher, hi.

I mean, you're a disaster, Harriet
David.

to do for work now?

Hmm?

I didn't even try on.

Try what on?

I only had the black hoodie.

Do you want to go for a drive? I've got
something to show you.

Not today, David.

How about tomorrow?

No, not tomorrow either.

Then when?

If you had bothered to watch any
romantic films, you would know that a

wants... A great knight in shining
armour to rescue her in bad situations.

Not a friggin' saucer boy.

Saucer boy.

I see.

I'll call you, David.

How about Tuesday?

My lucky day.

Oh.

My.

God.

Are you David?

What? Are you David Jones?

I beg your pardon?

The brother of Simon Jones?

Yes. Yes I am. I'm David Jones.

Simon! Your brother!

Oh, now.

I have got you signed up with the
Imperial Fleet.

You're going to be a starship captain,
my friend.

You're going to be a starship captain!

You're welcome.

Now, we're just going to fuel up with
leaves, and then we'll be off.

Come on! It's going to be awesome.

Go and look at the stars glittering on
the ten -hundred gates.

They're not that great, to be honest. I
prefer the rings of Kepa.

Ooh, and you can go and see the love
plays.

Pleasure doing them on the Cosmo.

Love plays?

It's going to be cosmic, brother!

What do you think of my starshroom?

It's perfect.

Just how I imagined it would be.

It's amazing to think Dad was right all
along, eh? Yeah.

He was a visionary.

Check out the registration number.

Very subtle.

And that's what you want to happen?

No. That's what I think will happen.

Do you really think that's what will
happen?

Yeah.

OK.

That's all for today.

Eloise, it's David.

I think I left my UFO mag.

Hello?

David. Obsession with brother. Alien
abduction.

Exposed as ridiculous.

Top priority.

David.

Ridiculous, am I? I thought you were my
friend.

I thought you were trying to help me. I
am. Stop!

Stop lying to me!

Everyone needs to stop lying to me!

Rob? Where are you? It's games night.
I'm in the pub.

Has it? Where to?

I can't tell you. The others don't want
you here.

They're sick of aliens.

I promise that we'll meet up soon
without them.

I'm sorry, mate. I'm in the middle.

Please, give up this point of search for
your brother. Move on.

I can't move on. He needs me. He depends
on me.

How? How can someone you haven't seen in
over 30 years depend on you?

Please. I can't put up with it any
longer because I don't know the answers

help...

Rob? Robert!

Rob!

Right, weirdo, you're barred.

Here I am in Roswell, New Mexico,

site of the famous UFO incident about 15
minutes before I was arrested and strip

-searched.

Alien from Arcturus?

I wonder.

David, Angela Spooner here from Bastard.

We need to talk.

What do you know about Alien from
Arcturus?

Well... He's an insanely handsome
conduit from the world of abductee

How do you think he gets his
information?

Aliens.

That's classified.

What would you say if I told you that
aliens from Arcturus was part of a

consortium trying to rebuild a crashed
UFO?

We've been trying to find him for years.

I'd say that you were not being very
classified.

Has he ever tried to give you anything?

Given not as such, I usually have to go
get... I got this alien tentacle

in a jar from a guy in Utah.

How the hell did you get this through
customs?

Well, I told them it was my own severed
penis that I wanted to keep as a memento

of happier times.

They just sort of stared at me and waved
me through.

I'd like to see it.

You want to see my penis?

No, David.

Not your penis.

The tentacle.

I'd look favourably on your job
application if you gave me this.

No.

I need you to do me a favour.

And I want a cup of tea and some beer.

Where did you get in?

I climbed up the drainpipe.

But we're on the ground floor.

Yeah, I know that now. The wedding party
upstairs were a little bit surprised.

How did you find us?

Listen, David, I don't want to lose you
as a friend.

You want me to choose between my brother
and my best friend.

But I'm so close to finding him, there
are patterns.

David, there are no patterns.

The only patterns are time wasters happy
to cash in on people like you who've

lost loved ones.

People don't get whisked away on a tour
of the universe to get dropped back

before dinner.

What about the experiment?

There are no experiments.

There are no aliens.

But I've got to find my brother.

Perhaps you ought to be looking closer
to home.

Maybe you're right.

I always thought they'd have a base on
the moon. You know, somewhere to refuel

on the dark side. No!

Aliens!

You always used to believe what my dad
said.

What made you change your mind?

I grew up.

You really are a bloody simpleton,
aren't you?

Nincompoop. Imbecile.

Moron. Credit.

Deadbeat. Dweeb.

Yokel. Orc's armpit.

Steaming pile of poo.

Weestro. That's very good.

Cockblossom. Cockblossom. Not even an
insult.

I'd say that's a compliment. Just go.

We don't want you on our team anymore.

Fine. Goodbye, Robert.

Alien.

Bloody aliens.

I haven't had a conversation with my own
son in 30 years that hasn't had a

bloody UFO in it.

I'd like to speak about his obsession
with his brother.

No.

No, I'm not talking about it.

Well, I need to get to the bottom of it.

I am his biographer, remember?

No one will read it.

Turn that thing off.

David spent his whole life looking for
his long -lost brother.

Yes, I know.

And he's a bloody fool. I've told him as
much.

What happened to Simon?

Where is Simon?

Did they take him away from you?

Because of your drinking?

Don't be stupid.

Irene, if you know what happened to
Simon and you're not telling David...

You're as much a part of his problem as
he is. I'm not.

It isn't my fault.

It stopped him from finishing college.

Jesus, it stopped him from having a
decent relationship.

His whole life's been abducted. It isn't
my fault. Maybe it is your fault. No.

No, I had nothing to do with it.

Had nothing to do with what?

What?

Had nothing to do with what?

You're keeping something from me, aren't
you?

Something about Simon? No.

No. No, I'm not.

It's not your fault.

You lost him, didn't you? You lost your
son.

No.

It's not my fault Simon died.

David, do you remember what happened to
your brother Simon?

No?

Okay.

Listen.

Your brother Simon, he's had to go away.

He's alright, yeah.

But...

He's gone to live with alien friends.

Far, far away in their stars room.

But he mustn't worry because we'll see
him again.

We will see him again.

Misadventure, they called it.

Death by misadventure.

Poor little boy.

Are you happy now?

But David's never had a chance to
grieve. He's never had closure.

Closure?

What the hell is that?

There's no such thing as closure.

The past is with you always.

Always.

You're not off on another fruitless
trip, are you?

There's someone who met someone who may
have been abducted. It fits the same

description. Late summer, woodland, by a
stream.

Besides... Nobody wants me here anyway.

Why did you come here anyway?

It's grubby.

Well, the waitress is very nice.

And the tea is excellent.

Look, you know he was never abducted,
don't you?

It's actually a very interesting story.
There were these two people...

You're not going to find him, David.

I spoke to your mum.

And they went to see what it was.

Please, Dad.

And there was a big light in the sky and
they looked up and they saw two people.

Simon's dead, David. He died when you
were seven.

Your dad was playing with Simon.

Spaceships. Spaceships?

It was a picnic, you know.

Had a laugh.

Had a few drinks.

Everyone drank back then.

Thank you, Daddy. Thank you.

Thank you.

Can I have a go, please? Can I have a
go?

For goodness sake, David, I've told you.

You're too big.

Please, Dad, you always play with Simon,
not me.

Shut up.

Nobody had a mobile phone then.

There was nothing we could do.

Nothing I could do.

I took David and put him in the car.

I remember the blood stained the carpet
in the footwell.

Harry drove like a lunatic.

It was no good.

Simon had gone.

David, are you okay?

I killed him.

I killed him.

The doctor said maybe best not to tell
him.

It was just too much for him to deal
with.

So, we didn't.

And then, it just got too hard.

Even when there was the funeral, he just
kind of blanked it out.

But then, there's no telling him.

No point trying.

Sometimes it's easier to keep a lie
going than tell the truth.

There.

What? There.

Bloody there.

Simon? He's right here in the bloody
front room.

Hi, Sally.

It's Angela Spooner here, calling from
Bastard.

Your name's been given to me as a
potential member of our team.

Has anyone seen David?

Jack, I didn't expect to see you here.

Yeah, Groner said I could command his
army.

He's quite the Napoleon.

Yeah, how I keep winning and killing all
the little wiggly things.

Look, have you seen David?

No, bollocks to him.

He's a felon on grass that he destroyed
on my bloody horse.

I haven't seen him today.

Aren't you the lucky one?

I'm serious. Where is he?

I don't know.

He got me a job.

David did something useful.

I'm worried now.

Yeah, I know. It's unbelievable.

It's interesting with wages and a
pension.

Everything. What sort of job?

That's classified.

I'm really worried now.

Look, do you mind?

I'm trying to concentrate on my mission.

We should ask his mum. She's the only
one who cares.

I'll help you look for him. That's the
least we can do.

Actually, I think you'll find that
nothing was the least he could have

Double six, yes! And all the knobbly
ones are dead.

Shit.

Rizzle.

Yes? Hi, is David in?

No. He hasn't been home for days.

Oh.

Do you know where he is?

I don't know.

He might be with that other woman.

Which other woman?

Which other woman?

Eloise? I thought you were her,
actually.

Do you know where we can find them?

Well, I have her card.

I'll see if I can find them.

Shut up.

Where is David?

Sally, you can't just... He's missing.

No one's seen him for days.

Really? What did you do for him?

Where could he go?

He can't just disappear off the face of
the earth.

I know where he is.

What's he doing?

Waiting for a UFO.

No, he's not.

He's waiting for a UFO to see him.

Here.

Hello.

Eloise said that you'd be here.

Robert came too.

He said you couldn't trust two birds to
find you in the middle of a crop circle.

Took us a long time to get here.

But not as long as my trip across the
galaxy.

Hello, David.

It's me, Simon. Simon? Really? Really,
Simon?

Yes. I'm calling from Proxima Centauri.

I'm using Sally as a subspace radio.

Proxima Centauri? But how far out? In
light years?

Shit. I knew you were going to ask
something technical.

Um... A long...

Wait. Anyway, we must hurry. We haven't
much time. But you can't be Simon. I

remember the accident. I remember.

All fake memories my abductors gave our
parents.

None of them are true.

My aliens needed a cover story.

My star shroom is passing through a
black hole, and soon all communication

be non -existent when I emerge in the
next...

But no, Simon, you can't go. I love you.
I need you.

Now is the last time I can contact you.

But why now? I've been waiting 30 years.

I have been too far out.

Near the star of... The star of... The
star of... I don't know.

Beetlejuice.

Beetlejuice?

Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice?

Yes. Fetal juice.

As in the film.

The connection is failing.

Goodbye, David.

You were a brilliant brother.

I love you.

Goodbye. Good...

Simon

spoke to me through Sally's brain.

Are you okay? Yeah, yeah, I think so.

Sally?

Look, we can wait and look for a UFO
together if you like.

Guy looks pretty clear.

No.

Let's go to the pub.

Are you really okay?

Yeah, I'm all right.

But I don't understand why you chose
Betelgeuse.

I mean, it's only 429 light years away.
You could have chosen somewhere a little

further out.

This is David Jones signing off. It's my
last and final Search for Simon vlog,

and I hope you find what you're looking
for, because I did.

Helium from Arcturus. We know you're in
there.

Come out with your tentacles up.

I never doubted you, Miss Eldridge.

Who'd have thought your blog would be
followed by so many people?

It wasn't until the pyjama photos.

Now, about those... Well, it all turned
out very nicely.

I don't suppose you'd like to go for a
drink somewhere and talk about my

obsessions.

No.

I wouldn't like that at all.

Throughout the world, there are legends
of dragons, and every culture has one.

The North Americans, the South Pacific
Islanders, the Chinese, the British with

St. George, and they're all the same.

They fly, they make a lot of noise, they
shoot flames out of one end or the

other, metallic skin glowing eyes.

While they sound remarkably like a
spaceship to me in a lower orbit across

planet. And they take away young women
of reproductive age.

Hang on.

Isn't that sacrificing a maiden to a
dragon?

San Georges.

Fighting dragons and fighting aliens.

Nothing has changed.