Original subtitles

Lono, I must take you to safety.

And your name?

Tell me we weren't this uncool in high school.

Worse. My big hair.

Monica alert.

I haven't seen you

since homecoming. You look fabulous.

And you, look at you. Can you believe it? Eight months and counting.

What about you, Sidney? Any kids?

Oh, no. No kids.

No? No.

No? No.

Oh, well, it doesn't matter.

There's still time.

Do you want to touch it?

Good luck.

No, I'll pass.

Monica.

Touch me for luck.

Isn't that the same pickup line she used in high school?

Looking for Tony?

I haven't seen him.

I haven't seen him since the day we graduated.

You know, I always wondered what it would have been like if you'd married

You go, girl.

It's really nice to see you again.

I was hoping I'd see you here tonight.

You look great, Sydney.

You do.

You are the reason I'm here tonight, you know.

Yeah? Yeah.

See, I've been doing a lot of thinking about you.

I think I know where to find the lost idol of Lono.

Phone been ringing off the hook?

No.

Better check the messages.

Sid said she'd call to confirm her flight.

I know that look, Nigel.

Girl I met in the library.

Gwendolyn?

She doesn't call me back.

Get a grip.

Every time you call and she doesn't call you back, you get into this... This?

Funk.

Funk?

Yes, that's it. So you understand what's going on here.

Girls don't call guys in funks.

Stop moping.

Get over her. Get out.

Right.

I might miss a call.

Earth to Nigel. Look, didn't we just go over this with... Kate? Different

circumstance entirely.

Different circumstance.

Same MO.

Didn't you run over Kate with a jeep?

Motorcycle. You've got to start playing hard to get.

Don't make yourself so available.

What about chivalry and proper breeding and the man making the first move?

Okay, that went out with opening doors and covering puddles with your cape.

So I'm coming on too strong.

I have already left three messages.

Okay, that's called stalking, Nigel. Not a big hit with the ladies.

Sid hasn't left any messages.

Maybe she's run off on a wild fling with her high school sweetheart, Tony Apua.

High school, sweetheart?

The old coaster road. How many times did you take me out there in high school to

see that Lono Shrine?

We had a lot of fun.

Amazing. It hasn't changed at all.

Still a patch of barren wasteland in the middle of all this lush green.

Not exactly prime development territory.

Okay, see?

This is where Cook's men came ashore and massacred our people.

And stole the idol.

Yeah. Legend says that this part of Hawaii shall remain fallow until Lono is

returned.

You remember it. Yeah, you only mentioned it every day for two years

went together.

Pretty nerdy, huh?

I don't know. Actually, it's one of the reasons why I fell in love with you.

Yeah. And the Mustang didn't hurt either.

Nah, the Mustang didn't hurt.

Tony, the idol's been missing for 200 years. Now you think you know where it

I know it sounds ridiculous coming from a junior high science teacher, but you

don't know. I spent every summer in the library.

I took sabbaticals.

And then finally this summer, I made a breakthrough.

Okay. I tracked down the logbook from Cook's ship.

The resolution.

Yes.

I thought she was going to Hawaii on business.

Oh, that's what she said.

She even stopped by a museum there to conduct a seminar.

But she spent the entire day before she left locked up in her office looking at

her old high school yearbooks.

Trust me, business was the last thing on her mind.

See, Cook's men attacked the island to avenge his death, and they looted the

idol. Then the resolution sailed for England in December 1779, but the idol

not on the cargo's manifest.

It was a dead end.

Except for this.

Come here.

The journal entry says, on the voyage home, five sailors were found guilty

of mutiny. They were thrown into a longboat off the coast of Madagascar,

to be seen again.

You think they took the idol with them?

That after they were put to sea, several items from the ship's store were

discovered missing, including...

Something made from volcanic rock.

That's a long shot.

I know, I know.

What she really went there to see was who got fat, who got married, who made

big, and the one that got away.

And she said this Tony was the one that got away?

Not in so many words.

But she said he was tall, dark, handsome, and they dated in high school.

I filled in the rest.

Isn't that a little presumptuous?

Yes.

But she hasn't called yet, has she?

Ancient studies.

Hey, Sid, how was the reunion?

Was everybody fat?

Claudia, put Nigel on.

Was he there?

Claudia. Was he bald?

Claudia. Right, all right.

Sid. I need you to get on a plane to Madagascar.

Madagascar? Get to a village called Faradope. It's on the southeast coast.

Faradope. I wonder how you spell that.

Mr. Fletcher?

Well?

You missed him?

I've only been gone five minutes.

I've been waiting here for two days, and now you're telling me that I've missed

him?

You missed him.

Come back again. Who knows?

Maybe you'll catch him in.

Well, next time, send up a flare or something.

Listen, he's playing.

I'll be back in five minutes.

You do that.

That's not scotch.

It's $300.

Make sure him and his friends don't leave here walking.

Hey, Sid.

Hey, Nigel.

What do you have?

Well, the thing of it is, Sid, the locals have got a lot of ultra

of anything outside their frame of reference.

It sounds strange, I know, but it's quite understandable, actually, given

history of occupation.

So you got zipped. Zipped.

Say hi to Tony.

Tony. Tony.

Oh, we've heard absolutely nothing about Tony.

The guy we're looking for, his name's Fletcher.

Yeah, who's that?

He owns the bar. He's a local know -it -all. I'm having a hard time negotiating

with him.

When did you two meet? I mean, originally.

Nigel.

It was hit and run.

Hit and run?

Tony.

Well, actually, it was at a game.

She was cheering on the sidelines, and I went down and out and along on a pass,

and I crashed into her.

Sidney was a cheerleader?

Let's not go there, Nigel. Okay.

You, uh, you wouldn't have any photos, would you?

Oh, Mom.

Oh.

Did you think it was unfavorable?

No, you were being kind.

Oh, yeah.

Feels good.

That's one bone.

You got 205 more.

You do the math.

Hi.

My assistant assures me that you could tell us where Fletcher is.

I'm afraid my boss isn't as patient as I am.

Back room, maybe.

But I wouldn't go back there.

Sid, you better stay here. Let me handle this, okay?

Mike's dangerous.

All right.

Does he know what he's doing?

God, I hope so.

Ugh! Mind your own damn business!

Ugh!

leg.

She always does the athletic. It usually doesn't take this long.

She must be jet -lagged.

Today.

Freeze, sister.

There'll be no killing in my bar.

Fletcher?

Fletcher? Aye.

The Resolution sailors were on this island.

They say five of them came ashore in a longboat.

Started making enemies right away.

Folks here didn't take too kindly to foreigners back then.

Must be comforting to know that you've come such a long way.

So what happened to them? At war, they're welcome.

Villagers banished them.

They headed west towards Magar Peak.

Magar Peak?

Never heard from again.

Did the sailors bring anything with them? With them.

Basically, an idol.

So many people are asking that same question all of a sudden.

Who else?

I don't know.

Some bloke with a scar.

He rented the only 4x4 in town.

Magar Peak.

Can you tell us the fastest way to get there?

Nope.

Do you know someone that can?

Maybe.

A couple guys I know, they know this island real good.

But they're a little hard.

Thanks. We'll take our chances.

There you go.

My leg. Leg. Leg.

Oh,

jeez. Looks like it could be broken.

Yeah.

You're not going anywhere, Nigel. Do you have a doctor?

Yeah.

Could you call him?

I gotta warn you, he's a little odd.

What if he doesn't have a medical degree?

What if he practices bloodless surgery?

I'm sure he'll be fine, Nigel.

Besides, I think this Fletcher guy tends to exaggerate the oddness factor.

You think?

Fletcher's an odd character.

No more than anyone else in this town.

Didn't he say it was past these trees?

Yeah, an old trailer with a satellite dish. I don't know.

Fletcher did say they were a bit odd.

What?

Maybe they're waiting for us inside.

If we can find a door.

Uh, Fletcher sent us. He said you could show us the way to Magar Peak.

Buffett, I implore you to be careful.

There are demons lining the path every step of the way.

The WB Marathon.

In America?

Yeah.

We love America.

Love it! Our dream has moved to L .A.

We love L .A.

Great.

Why do you guys want to go to Magar Peak?

We're investigating a historical event.

Historical event? Good.

Okay. Great. We want to leave right now. Wait a minute.

Problem.

Allie McBeal. New episode.

How about this?

This could probably buy you a lot of videotape.

All right. Okay, so Fletcher tells us that you have a truck that can get us

there.

You don't have a truck.

We have a truck.

But? Problem.

Truck's broke.

Need to park.

Yeah, okay, yeah.

Well, so how expensive is this part?

Oh, very.

Yes, oh.

That must be the 4x4 Fletcher was talking about.

This looks fresh.

You're thinking what I'm thinking, simple wits.

Burp's headed to Magapik.

Who is this guy?

He's over this way, Margie. Oh, yeah.

Will you guys shut up?

That's your final answer.

Trail ends here.

He must have taken the ridge.

That would lead away from Magar Peak.

Why don't you guys take the lead?

Yeah, but why would he reverse directions?

I have an idea.

It's not a very pleasant one.

Two, and three little onions, and...

Come on, come on, where are you?

Are you looking for me?

Yeah,

I'm looking for you.

Why are you stalking us?

What do you think, lady?

Because I'm going to kill you and your friends before you get to that Lono

statue, and I'm going to get rich.

Let's go.

How'd you find out about the idol?

Same way as you did, lady.

Only I'm not as ethical, am I?

Tony tried to hire you?

Yeah, that's right.

Once I saw the law from the resolution, why do I need him? Why do I need you?

He's not moving.

Is that who was following us?

Yes.

All hail Xena Warrior Princess.

Sidney.

Sidney. You lied to me. I didn't lie. I didn't exactly tell the truth.

I was expecting something a little better than that, Tony.

Right.

Look, Sidney, come on. When we broke up, when you broke up with me, remember?

I always thought you'd come back to me.

Why not?

I mean, I was pretty special, wasn't I?

All right, so the fact is you didn't.

And you went off and had this great career and...

I became this ordinary high school teacher who never left the island.

So when I found the log... Your male ego started to sweat.

Ego, insecurity, rejection, any one of those, pick one.

The fact is I couldn't call you.

I just couldn't.

That's when I got a hold of this dryer guy.

He said the log was worthless.

But not before he made a copy for himself.

Yeah, okay, so...

I was stupid.

No.

Just naive.

Well, I did what I wanted, after all.

Which was to see you.

It was more than just about Lono, you know.

We, uh... We've got a lot of lost time to make up for.

Yeah, we do.

Come on, guys.

Go.

That Magar Peak.

The place you're looking for is just on the other side of that valley.

This way.

Watch this branch.

Here's your valley.

It's even more beautiful than I imagined.

Oh, it's amazing.

My God.

It's beautiful.

This is... This is the exact opposite of Rilono we're stolen from in Hawaii.

The idol's here.

I can feel it.

Look for any signs of an old structure.

If the mutineers lived here after they were expelled from the village, they

would have needed shelter, food.

Look for any remains of cleared land or a garden.

Guys, over here.

What?

Old gravestones.

The cemetery.

Mullet.

Hawkins.

A mackerel.

A bowline.

And that's got to be first, yes.

The five mutineers.

What? Does anything seem strange to you?

Five mutineers, five graves?

What are you getting at?

Who buried the last one?

Yeah.

This is where the mutineers must have lived after they were banished by the

natives from their village.

How about this container?

Wait, I see something over here.

He's very bony.

Ten bucks says this is our mystery grave digger.

Look.

Carpenter's tools?

Wait a minute, I found something.

Feels like... It is. The book.

The journal.

But no idol.

Must have been pretty handy.

But apparently not very leggy.

Who wrote the journal?

The ship's carpenter, Firth.

You know, in the ship's log.

It mentions that the men used to call him Pagleg.

So then that begs the question, if this is Firth... Then who's buried in his

grave?

Grave's empty, Scully.

Then why is it here?

Well, hang on.

Firth says in here that he survived the shipmates by ten years.

See, he was obsessed with protecting the idol so that the valley would remain as

it was.

Poor guy must have spent all those years hiding it.

False bottom.

Yeah, all right.

Give me a hand.

Can you see it?

Sydney?

It's here!

Yeah!

We found them.

Look at the eyes on that idol.

Sparkly! Now how do we get to it?

I don't think we do.

I think we get it to come to us.

That means there's got to be a control mechanism of some kind. Right, right,

right, right, right, right. Here, here.

Wow.

What is it?

It's an alphabet square.

These tiles usually spell out some sort of hidden password.

Uh, something with an even number of letters.

Why don't we just boot someone up?

Because it could be booby -trapped.

Ah, T -Q -R.

Uh, wait.

Periodic tables, maybe.

Or musical skills?

He was a sailor, not a musician. It would be something that he knew well.

Yeah.

Smollett?

Firth?

All odd numbers.

Britain?

Uh, the name of Captain Cook's ship.

Right. Reh? Reh?

Do.

Lu.

Chun. Push.

What's the matter?

Our people used to believe that if a young woman touched Lono...

She'd be pregnant with her new year.

You saw the valley up there.

I sure did.

Excuse me.

Okay.

All right, I got you.

It's been a long time.

Here, I'll give you a hand.

Hey,

what

are you doing? Are you crazy?

Crazy like a fox.

We put out the eyes. Sell them. We'll have enough bucks to get to L .A.

Come on, guys.

It's not funny.

What about them?

I guess the tribal council just put out their torch.

Pass me those rocks.

The seal of the sin.

I'm not kidding. The seal of the sin.

Come on!

I'm not coming.

Where are we going?

Come on!

Hey!

Hey, come back here!

Those sneaky little... There's got to be another way out of here.

No, Firth would only need one entrance.

Let's take a look at the engineering job that Firth did down here.

Now, to make room for that descender that Lona was on, he'd have to dig up,

So there must be a warrant of air shafts that he dug above the ceiling that has

the pulleys that lift the counterweights and the idol.

Sort of like the fly room above a stage, right?

Exactly. Remember the senior play?

West Side Story.

How could I forget?

I took the part of Maria just so I could kiss you.

So the counterweights aren't in this room. First must have built an access

behind the walls and above the ceiling, close to the surface, and then covered

it with earth.

We find that.

Wait a minute.

Here, let me try to pry it off.

The access shaft.

Our ticket out of here.

You were right, Sidney.

Hello, boys.

Where are your friends?

I said, where are they?

Keep your head down.

Yay.

It's all right. I'm coming.

Stan and Cartman are definitely going to pay for this.

There's the jeep.

Oh, God.

They definitely paid.

Dryer.

What time is the plane going to get here?

It's journey minute.

Good. Give me scotch.

Four others.

Scotch. Have a cognac.

Best any others on the way?

They ain't going to be back this way, though.

There's an English guy hanging around here earlier.

You see where he went?

That's four by four drinks. I'll take one per row. Yeah.

The dryer's still here. He's waiting for the seaplane.

I'm going to check the bar, okay?

Keep your head down.

I will.

Outside. Let's go.

Okay,

I get the message.

Get up!

You, out of my way. I got a plane to catch.

Let him go.

I'll tell you what.

You step aside, and I'll forget our past differences, and you'll both live.

Unfortunately.

I'm not the forgiving type.

When you're a jet.

We got it.

It's a bit heavy.

Lona's back in his place.

Now I'm going to have to think of another reason to see you.

We were a long time ago, weren't we?

Yeah.

Hey, maybe when West Side Story comes back into town, I could call you. We'll

catch a show.

Now, that would be nice.

Yeah, that would be nice.

So then he's still closeting himself in her office?

Humming show tunes.

I've never seen her like this before.

What happened in Hawaii?

She didn't say.

She's clearly traumatized.

Must have something to do with Tony.

The one that got away.

I'm afraid your predictions on that were slightly off the mark.

Why? Was he fat?

No, quite thin, actually.

Bald? Hardly. If appearances were anything to go by, it was the perfect

She's been staring at the same page for hours.

Tony was definitely the one that got away.

I doubt it. I think as she got to know him after 15 years, he didn't meet up to

her expectations.

Tony just wasn't Sidney's type.

Poor Sid.

She could be like this for days.

I better cancel all our classes.

You're throwing away your yearbook?

Yes, Claudia, because the past is the past, and I am Sidney Fox, the

cheerleader, no longer.

Don't we have ancient studies at noon?

Room's all set.

Where are my lecture notes?

In your classroom.

Excellent.

A cheerleader.

With pom -poms.

There are pictures of our Sidney as a cheerleader in that

yearbook.