Original subtitles

Where is it?

Where is it?

That's the evening ingrate.

Find Omar!

Bring him to me!

You wanted to see me, Captain?

The Corsair Cross.

Where is it?

I don't know.

That's all there was.

You don't know what happened to it?

No, Captain.

Let me show you something.

I'm tired of risking my life for you, only to be thrown weird

grunts.

A few more hours, and I would have been gone.

I'm the first alien out at sunrise.

You never would have known the difference.

I am heartened you chose the path of truth, Omar.

Guard!

Have him beheaded.

No!

No! No!

Suppose someone's sneaking up on you from behind.

Claudia, are you listening to me?

Sure. Some creep is sneaking up on me from behind.

You duck.

Elbow. Step.

And run.

Gotcha. Now you try it.

I'm grabbing you from behind. Be careful. I just did my nails.

I thought you said you wanted to learn how to defend yourself.

It's a French overlay.

Two coats with glitter. You said you had a close call.

You have no idea.

I mean, it was dark. I was walking out to my car in the parking lot, and then

from out of nowhere, I see this figure coming towards me.

I mean, he probably just thought I was a pushover because I was parked in a

handicapped spot.

And what did you do?

Well, I got in my car and locked the door.

What did he do?

Gave me a ticket anyway.

Claudia, in this day and age, every woman should know how to defend herself

anyway.

Fine, fine.

Yes, sir, I've looked important. Sign for it. Just put it over there. I would

I could, but I can't move.

Who's it from?

A, uh, Heather Chandler.

Chandler? I had a professor once named Chandler when I was studying

Professor Fox, I'm sure my father would have wanted you to have this. As you

know, he spent most of his life trying to find the chalice of truth.

Chalice of truth?

You've got to be kidding.

Well, he believed in the existence of this chalice for whatever reason.

It was supposed to have a hypnotic effect on whoever looked at it, forcing

to tell the truth.

I really could have used that last night.

My father passed away last week.

Wow.

He's one of my favorites.

He was a big influence on me getting into archaeology.

I mean, he was a little... A little bit wacko?

He became so obsessed with finding the chalice of truth that he became a

laughingstock in the archaeological world.

They even called it Chandler's Folly.

You don't believe such a thing existed?

No.

But he did.

And I believed in him.

When he died, he was getting closer than he'd ever been.

It looks Arabic.

Berber. Carpet?

I've rarely ever seen Berber written before.

For centuries, it's only been a spoken language.

There's one person who's seen it written.

Who?

While he was teaching at the University of Northeastern South Africa, he said he

was forced to learn it as some sort of new Professor Hazing ritual.

No, not if my life depended on it. But what if Professor Chalmers' life

on it? Or at least if life's work?

You could finish it for him.

I can't believe I'm asking Stewie for help.

It's not so bad. Since he's come back, he's led rather a normal, modest life.

Laying low is more like it. Nothing normal about Stewie.

Yeah, you're being too harsh on him.

Am I?

Sweet cheeks.

Good night.

Look, Stewie, I'm sorry to bother you like this.

Listen, I can't talk to you guys right now. I'm in the middle of something very

important.

Get down!

Are you sure we need Stewie?

Oh, boy, I love parents, huh? I've always loved parents.

The architecture, the arts, the women. Oh, boy, did I mention the women?

Stewie, Berber, remember it? That's why you're here.

Listen, Sidney, Berber is very complex, okay?

Slept the entire flight.

I've been trapped.

I've had death knocking at my door more than once lately, believe you me.

Listen, driver, go a little faster, will you?

A little faster.

Hey, andele, andele.

Dewey. What?

He's French.

The term is plus vite, he would say. Plus vite!

There's no hurry. I just like going fast, that's all.

Like a little bit of speed in Paris.

Why were those people shooting at you, Stewie? Yeah.

Look, it's a long story, Sidney. Do you want me to take a look at this Berber or

not?

What do we have, Nigel?

A challenge for Syria. It was stolen by pirates and wound up in Tunis.

Somewhere in the 1700s, it fell into the hands of a French diplomat named...

Christopher Delacroix.

I'm supposed to read this.

I was recalled back to France for telling the Tunisian state secrets.

What, for profit?

No, he couldn't help telling the truth.

Okay, look.

I think I got something here.

Now, it seems this chalice was created by a mystic in the 13th century for the

Syrian royal family.

Why? Well, it seems the king thought his queenie was doing the mambo number five

behind his back, and he wanted her to tell the truth.

And did she?

Well, the next day, her head was mounted on a stake in front of the palace.

There are two items in Chandler's research that are curious. Some

blueprints. Blueprints? Let me take a look.

Nice go,

nice go, nice go. Give me that.

It was his fault.

The other item is a rejection from our cooking school he applied to days

before his death.

Cooking school?

Listen,

driver, you can slow down now, all right? Hey, slow down, all right? What

you trying to say?

Well, we're definitely back in Paris.

Let's go find that cooking school.

It was once the home of Christopher Delacroix.

So these must be the blueprints.

And Charlie's is somewhere in there, isn't it?

I think so.

Let's be careful, gentlemen.

Yeah, no problem.

All right.

Admission to the school is based solely on the interview with Chef Gerard, so

let me do all the talking, okay?

Voltaire, I didn't know you spoke French, Stewie. I don't, but the French

love it.

I am Gérard Lagrange.

You realize this is an advanced course?

Yes, absolutely.

I usually do not admit students this late.

However, as you've come so highly recommended, I understand you're opening

restaurant in America.

Yes, my partners and I are very excited about it. And what is it called?

Le cadavre qui pourrit.

The rotting corpse?

We haven't yet decided.

And we're still tossing things around. Still tossing.

I see.

Monsieur Lagrange, I'm sorry, we're...

So terribly nervous. I mean, to be in the presence of one of the greatest

in the world.

Understandable, of course.

To study under you would be a dream come true.

Of course it would.

Very well.

Don't be late for orientation.

Oh, we love Chinese food.

Sidney Fox will be able to do what Chandler couldn't.

Find the challenge.

We need to place a contact inside.

Hmm, grapes.

Hiya.

I couldn't help overhearing the accent.

Johnny. They call me Johnny the Jackhammer.

That's a very colourful name, Nigel Bailey.

So... Johnny, what brings you to cooking school?

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

Nothing other than I was just wondering what got you interested in cooking.

Ah, my therapist recommended it.

Well, he's not actually a therapist.

He's more of a parole officer.

See, I have this little problem with firearms.

Ah, uh -huh.

My fourth year with Gerard.

Really? Mm -hmm. What he can do with a guinea fowl. My God.

My sisters and I own a little restaurant in San Francisco.

Oh, San Francisco.

Oh, boy.

I love San Francisco. Both of them will be coming in tonight.

Really?

Both of them? Oh, boy. We're all so different.

Sometimes I find it hard to believe we're sisters.

I can hardly wait to meet them.

In the joint, I used to take these classes, you know?

Help control the anger.

Pottery. Cooking.

You know, get in touch with my feminine side.

I learned the most amazing thing.

I discovered that as a child, I was touch -deprived.

And that's where all the trouble started.

All I ever needed was just someone to hold me.

So what do you reckon, Nigel?

Give us a hug.

It's going to be great cooking with you, mate.

Right.

From lapin a prono to durard a moscado, my understanding of cuisine

classique has taken on new meaning with Gerard.

Uh -huh.

Huh.

Excuse me.

Some interesting people here.

Yes, very.

You here for the cooking class?

Well, of course you are. Why else would you be here? This is the cooking school,

after all.

I'm Nigel.

Amanda.

We're just a cable show, really.

But in a sense, it's more freeing not having to cater to the masses.

Who did you train with?

That would be Mrs. Roberstein.

Of what school?

Franklin High.

Amazing home ec class.

Mesdames, messieurs.

I'm sure you are delighted to have the honor to have been accepted into one of

the most prestigious cooking schools in the world.

You're late, monsieur.

I'm sorry.

Is that what you will tell your customers when you have ruined their

Because you missed the essential first instructions of the dish I teach you to

prepare?

I welcome you with my heart open.

For the next two days, we will live and learn as a family.

Being one with the ingredients of life.

So, bon appétit.

And let's get cooking.

I met this really sweet guy today. There are no nice guys, Amanda. They just

trick you into thinking that so they can get what they want.

There's plenty that men are good for.

You ought to know. You're doing it with another one every five minutes. Could we

please not fight?

Amanda, listen to me. Men are jerks. If you keep being so nice and sweet,

they're going to take advantage of you.

Yeah, well, I think it's time to find someone to take advantage of me.

This is the area Chandler circled on the blueprint.

It's off limits.

Yeah, so why don't you stay and keep watch?

As much as it kills me, I might need Stewie for more bourbon.

Listen,

Sidney, thanks for bringing me along, huh?

This isn't a date, Stewie.

There's got to be something here.

Oh, hi.

Oh, hi yourself.

That's a great outfit.

That's a great accent.

Clothes look amazing on you.

I think they'd look a lot better on you.

Well, I've always thought clothes were a bit overrated myself.

I mean, I wear them from time to time, but of a necessary evil, if you know

I mean, unless you're... In bed with someone?

Exactly. I mean, that would be an excellent time not to wear any clothes.

and bathing, I suppose.

There's a wood panel library downstairs.

Meet me there in 15 minutes.

Still got it.

Do we look?

Berber? Oh, yeah. That's Berber, all right.

Heritage is the key to the truth.

New outfit?

Look, I'd really love to come to the library with you. I really would, but...

Oh, I really have to stay here.

Nigel, what's wrong?

Um, God.

It's all that French food.

Let's go over Delacroix's notebook one more time. Are you sure that's the

translation of the inscription on the chain?

I'm positive. Heritage is the key to the truth. No question.

Nigel, Professor Chandler's papers have been tampered with.

Somebody else is after the chalice.

No, I do.

Oh, my mighty.

We

will

begin with a simple menu.

We will start with sautéed oyster mushrooms in a phyllo nest, garnished

snails, and served with a tomato basil butter sauce.

This will be followed by roasted sweetbreads, accompanied by julienne

endive in a truffle cream sauce.

And then for dessert, a basic macaroon mocha buttercream gâteau.

Don't worry, I'll get more challenging.

You like to take it easy on Earth the first day.

OK, let's get cooking.

Whoop.

I don't understand why we had to do all the cleaning up. Well, it might have

something to do with you making a smiley face with your scallops. I was trying

to be creative, all right? I wasn't the one who put in a half -pound bag of salt

in the soup. Anyone could have made that mistake. I thought I said a pouch, not

a pinch. I'm not perfect. Oh, sure, you hear that all the time. Add a pouch of

salt.

I've been thinking about the inscription from the wall last night.

Take a look at this. It's from Chandler's things.

It's a Delacroix family crest.

So?

The inscription read, heritage is the key to the truth. Right. Now, you

that indentation above it? Yeah, right in the shape of a cross.

A cross exactly the same shape as this one.

So what does it mean?

I think this cross is the key to opening the door with the chalices.

Well, we're going to fit this into the indentation in the wall?

No, we've got to find the real family crest with a cross exactly the same size

as that indentation.

I think you got something, Sid.

Okay, you guys finish up here. We'll meet up in a little while.

Come on.

We're just going to leave this?

We're relic hunters. We're dishwashers.

Sidney Fox is getting closer to the chalice.

Our agent will stay with them until they find it.

And then do whatever is necessary to take it from them.

Chef. Emeril.

I love that show. Bam!

Listen, I had a question about French cuisine.

Yeah? French fries. What's the best cut, do you think? The crinkle or the shoot

thing?

It's a culinary mystery to me. Let's get cooking!

Johnny, you startled me.

Hug?

No hug.

No hug.

I really got to run, Johnny.

Delacroix. Hi.

We're not supposed to go into the rooms on this floor.

Yeah, I was just looking for a bathroom.

Were you?

That's right.

Of course.

Don't you have some peaches to can, Marilyn?

This has got to be it.

This has got Chalice of Truth written all over it.

It's magnificent.

Yeah.

Here, let me have a look at it.

There might be an inscription on it.

The big question is, does it really hold the power to compel people to tell the

truth?

Who knows?

But one thing I do know for sure is that I

love you, Sidney.

after you.

He's trying to kill you.

I was supposed to marry an African princess, but I left her standing at the

altar. That's why they're trying to kill me.

And now that they think that you're helping me, they're going to try and

you too.

Great.

Listen, Sid, I really do love you. I think we'd be great together.

I know I'm not the smartest guy or the best looking guy or the tallest guy, but

you could argue a little here. About what?

Listen, I know I'm a jerk. I'm the biggest jerk in the world. There was

time in Berlin with the dominatrix and the barbecue chicken, but I was drunk. I

was drunk and then working to pay his family to come away from me. Enough!

Drunk for one day.

Did you hear that?

Let's get out of here.

We should be able to get a taxi at the marketplace.

Hey, what time is it?

One o 'clock.

No, it's not. It's quarter past three.

Just wanted to see if I could still lie.

I don't think the child's big enough to keep you from lying, Stewie.

Well, I don't like the looks of that.

Neither do I. Russ!

Okay, like that.

Stop that.

I must have the challenge.

So find them, whatever it takes.

You're not after Stewie. Just don't look.

Let's split up, find Stewie, and get out of here.

You've caused enough problems.

The chalice.

I don't have it.

I don't believe you.

If I had it, I couldn't tell a lie, now could I?

Good work, Nigel.

That's gonna let us. It's not here anymore.

We're gonna find it.

Le color rouge.

Back to the cooking school?

Sir Charles is back in the school.

Find it.

What do you think happened to Stewie? Probably wasn't pretty, but he can

take care of himself.

Where do you think you're going?

The graduation dinner. You missed the entire sauce class.

There's no graduation for you. And no dinner. No? No. No?

You missed sauce too. No graduation.

No dinner.

Please forgive us your greatness. We wanted to come to the soft class. We

did. But we were so appreciative of your inspired teachings that we

felt compelled to run around the marketplace looking to buy you a gift.

The vendor I took those from and bought those from said they were very good. In

fact, I always kept them myself.

Truffles.

Second rate.

But I do accept your apology.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Enjoy.

What happened to the guys that were following you?

I had to cut a deal. A very expensive deal.

One of the other students has to be in on it. Otherwise, how could they have

known we had the chalice at the market?

Yes, but who?

My bed is that butt -kissing goody -goody. I can smell a liar cheating a

mile away. I can smell one six inches away. When was the last time you had a

bath, Stewie?

Whoever it was, we've got to get to the basket before they do.

Let's split up again on me and the dining room.

The bathroom isn't that way, Stewie.

There's only 50 of them.

The time has come.

Stop fooling around!

Kill them!

Bath gets there, but the chalice is missing. Anyone could have taken it,

and there's no way of telling where.

You're early.

Delacroix must have had several made to protect the real one.

How do you plan on telling the real one from the fakes?

Whoever has a real one has to tell the truth.

Oh, now, wait a minute. I'm not going through that again.

You know something, Sidney? You could throw yourself across this table naked

right now and I would just walk out.

Stewie.

We know it isn't this one.

Stewie, you're one of the most literate and intelligent professors I've ever

met.

And I look up to you with the utmost regard.

I get it, don't I?

It is good you are trying to reform yourself after having paid your debt to

society. Yeah, well, that's not exactly true, mate.

What are four corpses out in my backyard? No one knows about.

The cops find those, I'm back inside for life.

Okay, let's keep our eye on the chalice. Let's not lose it again.

And then there's all the bank robberies they never got me on.

I used to go in and spray the place with a machine gun.

Calm down.

Stop this at once.

Class, please.

Let's have a little decorum here.

Let's make it toast.

What is he, nuts? There's nothing in here.

Must be symbolic.

You are, without question, the most pathetic group I've ever had.

Which is why I don't mind overcharging you.

That's the one.

That's the one.

Look at you.

You three.

Or should I say you six.

It's the only reason the men will come to your restaurant.

It's for the melon specials.

I'm gonna get the challenge.

What?

Oh, whoa.

Oh, my God.

And you, you tattooed ape.

Here's a tip.

Save some money on cooking oil.

Squeeze your air over the pan before cooking.

Do it.

Excuse me.

Where's the chance?

Come here. Take it back.

Where'd you go?

Amanda.

She must have taken it.

Watch my hand coming through.

Oh.

Ow!

Crane.

Bonk.

Thanks, Nigel.

Couldn't have done it without you.

That's got to be true.

Saturday? I'm so sorry, Richard, I can't. My brother -in -law's coming into

for the weekend and I've got to show him around, you know.

Tuesday?

No can do. I've got to do charity work at the children's hospital.

Actually, I'm not doing charity work at all.

In fact, I don't even like children. Charity is such a total joke.

In fact, the only reason I keep stringing you along is so you'll keep

of my English assignments for me.

You've got about as much chance for a date with me as Pam Anderson drowning.

Hi, Claudia.

Um, you two should leave now.

Are you okay? No.

The worst possible thing in the world is happening to me. What?

I'm being honest.

Did you sort those essays from Sidney's Thursday class like she asked you to? Of

course not. I just randomly shoved them into some file folders and stacked them

neatly so it looked like I did.

Two can play at this game.

Did you teach Sidney's Wednesday intro class until four o 'clock?

Yes.

No, I mean... No, all right, no.

Sidney, maybe you should go to your office now.

Oh, I don't think so. I've got a few questions for both of you.

Lunch? Please, now?

Where do you want to go?

I don't care. Yes, you do.

Yes, I do. You're right. I hate those soggy sandwiches you're always ordering.

But you said you liked them.

I lied.