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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:52,738 --> 00:01:54,832 - I think I'll just... - Okay. 2 00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,755 You've got the euros. 3 00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:10,885 I've got the euros, have I? 4 00:02:11,048 --> 00:02:13,142 Don't start. 5 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,102 You never lose anything. 6 00:02:16,178 --> 00:02:18,476 I'll lose you in a minute. 7 00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:23,481 Ladies and gentlemen, 8 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:27,315 - you can now purchase metro tickets... - Thank you. 9 00:02:27,397 --> 00:02:30,321 ...from our buffet between coaches six and 13, 10 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,574 as well as a Paris pass giving you access to museums and access to... 11 00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,247 Pardon, monsieur. 12 00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:36,762 We also sell discounted... 13 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:48,886 This is exactly what I needed. Can't we have lunch immediately? 14 00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,846 - Are you starving? - I'm practically dribbling. 15 00:02:51,922 --> 00:02:54,016 I like a man who knows how to dribble. 16 00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:05,602 Rue Myrha. 17 00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:08,781 This is Chateau Rouge. We've come out here. 18 00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:12,864 - Ah, Montmartre. - Ah. 19 00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:15,241 Merci. 20 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,949 Practically fluent. 21 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:20,746 - I'm thinking in French now. - You look French. 22 00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,078 Oh, pardon. 23 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,833 - Oh, it was you. - Oh, yeah. 24 00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:27,841 Spritely. 25 00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,045 Once you get in the rhythm, you've got to keep going. 26 00:03:31,128 --> 00:03:33,051 You're just showing off now. 27 00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:41,729 Surely not. 28 00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,483 They've tarted it up a bit. 29 00:03:45,851 --> 00:03:47,899 They have? 30 00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,327 All right? 31 00:03:59,406 --> 00:04:00,953 Yep. 32 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:12,715 I reckon if you stood on tiptoe with a telescope, 33 00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:15,798 you could see the Hunchback of Notre Dame's arse. 34 00:04:16,465 --> 00:04:18,559 It's, um. 35 00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:21,762 Beige. 36 00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:27,606 There's a certain light-brownness about it, yes. 37 00:04:30,812 --> 00:04:31,938 Meg. 38 00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,070 Meg, don't do this, Meg. 39 00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,079 Last time, when we were here before, 40 00:04:40,155 --> 00:04:43,955 it was bigger, plus grand, different colour, différente couleur. 41 00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:46,833 So you recommend we should redecorate? 42 00:04:46,912 --> 00:04:50,507 I can't do that. 43 00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:55,424 Merde. 44 00:04:56,213 --> 00:04:57,965 - Meg. - Sorry, sir. 45 00:04:58,048 --> 00:05:01,018 How can you do... How can you treat... Meg! 46 00:05:01,885 --> 00:05:03,137 Meg! 47 00:05:03,220 --> 00:05:05,018 - I'm really sorry, sir. - Meg! 48 00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:06,518 - Taxi! - Don't. 49 00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:09,817 - Taxi! - We do have a complimentary breakfast 50 00:05:09,893 --> 00:05:11,645 - if you'd like to try... - Wait! Wait! 51 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,818 - Sir? - Wait, wait, wait! 52 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,112 We have croissants, sir. 53 00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:18,285 This was your idea. 54 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,160 - How terrible to be in Paris. - You want us to sleep in a coffin. 55 00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:24,541 - Give me the euros. - What? 56 00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,660 Give me the euros. 57 00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,495 Wow. 58 00:05:31,623 --> 00:05:34,342 Oh, Meg. Stupid... 59 00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:37,171 Let's get started. 60 00:05:37,254 --> 00:05:39,256 Meg! 61 00:05:42,509 --> 00:05:44,227 Look, look, look! 62 00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:52,644 Ah. Paris. 63 00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:00,281 - Meg, stop it. - Merci. 64 00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:01,828 Fuck's sake. 65 00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:09,370 What are we doing? Why are we doing it? Where are we going? 66 00:06:09,452 --> 00:06:12,331 Why? What? Ooh, what? We're in Paris! 67 00:06:12,414 --> 00:06:14,132 Yes, exactly. Why don't we just stop and enjoy it? 68 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:15,208 Just look! 69 00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:32,942 You'll need this. 70 00:06:33,018 --> 00:06:34,486 Okay. 71 00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:35,858 Merci. 72 00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,531 Meg! No! Please! 73 00:06:39,691 --> 00:06:41,534 Bonjour. 74 00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:52,042 No, no, no, no, no. 75 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:54,168 Non. 76 00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:09,392 Pardon. Monsieur, non, non. 77 00:07:10,639 --> 00:07:12,061 Jesus. 78 00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,274 Meg? Meg! 79 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,201 Whatever it costs is fine. 80 00:07:24,069 --> 00:07:26,071 - Hello, sir. - Hello. 81 00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:29,533 I'm so sorry, madame, but unless you made a reservation, 82 00:07:29,616 --> 00:07:31,835 we are completely and utterly full. 83 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,082 You see? 84 00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:40,172 They've taken our bags. 85 00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:47,475 - What now? Back on the train? - Good idea. 86 00:07:48,843 --> 00:07:51,062 Get a taxi to the Gare du Nord. 87 00:07:51,763 --> 00:07:53,936 Sit in silence all the way back to Moseley 88 00:07:54,015 --> 00:07:56,109 before killing ourselves in a suicide pact. 89 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,777 Perfect. 90 00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:02,816 I knew this trip would be a fucking disaster. 91 00:08:02,899 --> 00:08:05,152 - You didn't even want to try. - I did. 92 00:08:05,902 --> 00:08:08,246 But why did you book that dreadful place? 93 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,415 I was foolish enough to want to try and please you. 94 00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,288 You actually said you wanted to go back. 95 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:13,835 - Not that far. - Madame? 96 00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,503 - Anyway, it was the wrong place. - It wasn't. 97 00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:16,750 It was. it wasn't. 98 00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,457 They'd just redecorated. That's all. 99 00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:21,134 Madame, there is one possibility. 100 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,509 - There is? - As a special offer, 101 00:08:25,588 --> 00:08:28,842 we have a prestige suite available for two nights. 102 00:08:29,551 --> 00:08:32,270 In fact, Tony Blair once slept there. 103 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,894 Well? 104 00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,398 As long as they changed the sheets. 105 00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,105 Thank you. 106 00:08:45,567 --> 00:08:48,491 May I have your passports, and a credit card, of course? 107 00:08:48,570 --> 00:08:50,743 Of course. You've got the passports. 108 00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:52,244 Passports. 109 00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:53,996 Bang goes the bathroom. 110 00:08:54,075 --> 00:08:56,248 Just close your eyes when you go in. 111 00:08:56,327 --> 00:08:58,921 My only remaining ambition was to have a bidet. 112 00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:01,967 Well, I think we've earned a very good time. 113 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,594 You know I'm anxious about money. 114 00:09:05,336 --> 00:09:08,135 We might live for ages as a burden to others. 115 00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:11,058 I've taken up Zumba. I'm redesigning my body. 116 00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:13,637 Why? Who's going to see it? 117 00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,062 Meg? 118 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:17,232 - The keys, sir. - Oh. Merci. 119 00:09:18,850 --> 00:09:20,898 - Anything else, sir? - Non, non. 120 00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:23,071 Merci, ca va. 121 00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:25,608 Do you want me to show you the room? 122 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:29,365 No, no, it'll be all right. Thank you. Merci, ca va, ca va. 123 00:09:29,444 --> 00:09:31,572 - Thank you, sir. - Merci. 124 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,416 Thank you, sir. 125 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,748 See you later, no doubt. Au revoir. 126 00:09:45,835 --> 00:09:49,009 On, my God! 127 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,887 Oh! 128 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,722 It really is wonderful. 129 00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,941 Quite spectacular. 130 00:10:00,934 --> 00:10:02,814 Time for some refreshment, don't you think? 131 00:10:02,894 --> 00:10:04,237 Right. 132 00:10:21,663 --> 00:10:23,882 Meg, Meg, stop. We're not that thirsty. 133 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:33,009 So far this city is a brilliantly designed machine 134 00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:35,389 for extracting all our money. 135 00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:37,137 What are you saying? 136 00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:40,189 What I'm saying is that 137 00:10:41,766 --> 00:10:46,272 we can't proceed with the bathroom until you've made a decision about the tiles. 138 00:10:48,314 --> 00:10:50,362 What's that got to do with this? 139 00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:54,454 Well, I thought that now we're in Paris together, 140 00:10:54,529 --> 00:10:56,372 we could discuss important things. 141 00:10:57,866 --> 00:10:58,958 Like tiles? 142 00:11:01,286 --> 00:11:02,663 It has to be done. 143 00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,088 Suppose I want you to choose the tiles? 144 00:11:07,792 --> 00:11:09,009 Aren't you interested? 145 00:11:09,085 --> 00:11:11,964 I'm not sure I am, actually, no. 146 00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:25,068 Here's to us. 147 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,272 - I love you. - Lots of love, darling. 148 00:11:32,650 --> 00:11:33,697 Mmm. 149 00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:41,956 - Can I touch you? - What for? 150 00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,748 This last five to ten years 151 00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,675 your vagina has become something of a closed book. 152 00:11:49,751 --> 00:11:51,799 Now we've paid all this money, 153 00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:55,974 I'd rather see the Eiffel Tower than your partially erect sausage. 154 00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:59,268 See both at the same time. Wouldn't take a moment. 155 00:12:04,015 --> 00:12:07,144 I was thinking, 156 00:12:07,227 --> 00:12:10,572 we could try taking our lovemaking into another dimension. 157 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,652 What did you have in mind? 158 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:20,286 I thought we could pretend to be other people. 159 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:35,137 A man who still wants to make love to his wife. 160 00:12:35,755 --> 00:12:39,225 That's unusual, if not a far-out perversion. 161 00:12:39,717 --> 00:12:41,890 I might do it for you later. 162 00:12:42,136 --> 00:12:44,434 - Really? - If you stay awake. 163 00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:57,785 Last time we did this, we could breathe. 164 00:13:03,032 --> 00:13:05,455 - Have your knees gone yet? - Not yet. 165 00:13:07,245 --> 00:13:08,337 Nothing's gone yet. 166 00:13:23,344 --> 00:13:25,346 Who'd want to live anywhere else? 167 00:13:27,098 --> 00:13:29,066 Let's do it. 168 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:31,019 What? 169 00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:33,196 Sell up, get a little apartment here. 170 00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:36,070 You'll find we'd still have to earn money. 171 00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,320 Haven't we worked for long enough? 172 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,448 What else would we do? 173 00:13:44,615 --> 00:13:46,709 We could be artists. 174 00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,750 Nick, we're from Birmingham. 175 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:51,922 Not by birth. 176 00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:59,180 - Hello. - Hi, Dad, it's me. 177 00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,598 Hi, man! 178 00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,641 Dad, are you at home? 179 00:14:02,717 --> 00:14:04,719 No, we're on the continent. 180 00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:08,348 In France, in Paris. 181 00:14:09,932 --> 00:14:12,276 No, we haven't argued yet. 182 00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,650 Not at all, no. It's wonderful. 183 00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:18,487 I'm falling in love with your mother all over again. 184 00:14:20,568 --> 00:14:22,286 What? 185 00:14:22,653 --> 00:14:24,701 - Another one? Oh, fuck! - Yeah, another one. 186 00:14:24,781 --> 00:14:26,624 - What's going on? - The place is teeming with them. 187 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:28,372 I'm going inside. 188 00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:30,954 - It's important. - Dad? Dad? 189 00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:33,085 - It's a rat's nest. - Oh... 190 00:14:33,164 --> 00:14:35,132 And I don't know what to do about it. 191 00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,882 - Have you spoken to the estate agent? - No, not yet. 192 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:41,590 - You should, that's the first thing to do. - Think they'll be able to help? 193 00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:42,764 Yeah. 194 00:14:49,305 --> 00:14:50,773 Hmm. 195 00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,850 Definitely not. 196 00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:56,479 Come on, Meg, it's an emergency. 197 00:14:58,356 --> 00:15:02,281 How can you let them stay in a house full of rats with a three-month-old baby? 198 00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:04,203 We just got rid of them. 199 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:07,407 You know what she's like. 200 00:15:07,865 --> 00:15:10,960 She makes his life even more intolerable than you make mine. 201 00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:13,834 You make my blood boil like nobody else! 202 00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,961 That's the sign of a deep connection. 203 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:18,418 Meg! Meg! 204 00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:21,129 Do not mock or patronise me! 205 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,098 Come on. 206 00:15:24,715 --> 00:15:26,717 He's our son. 207 00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,764 - Come on. - Stop! 208 00:15:34,058 --> 00:15:36,186 Why won't you ever let me touch you? 209 00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:39,694 It's not love. It's like being arrested. 210 00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:45,903 I'm a phobic object for you. 211 00:15:50,992 --> 00:15:52,994 Kiss me now, then. 212 00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:01,882 Go on. 213 00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,342 God! 214 00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:11,046 That's us in ten years. 215 00:16:11,554 --> 00:16:14,057 - Is that the height of your ambition? - Huh? 216 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,661 - Ow! - We're in Paris, give us a kiss. 217 00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:18,148 God! What the fuck are you doing? 218 00:16:18,227 --> 00:16:19,524 Don't you like to be spanked? 219 00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:21,732 No! Don't you know me at all? 220 00:16:21,814 --> 00:16:23,407 Whoa! Ow! 221 00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,531 Oh, God, Nick! 222 00:16:25,610 --> 00:16:27,704 Nick, I'm sorry. 223 00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:31,078 - Sorry, are you okay? - No, no, leave it. Leave it, it's my knee. 224 00:16:31,157 --> 00:16:33,251 Oh, come on, old fella. 225 00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:35,169 Take me to Casualty. Stop it. Stop it! 226 00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,791 Don't be such a girl. 227 00:16:36,871 --> 00:16:40,626 No, really... It really hurts. 228 00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:43,587 Oh, God, Nick, can't you be a man for once? 229 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:45,922 - I'll leave you here. - You do that. Go on. 230 00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:48,758 Jesus, God! Oh! 231 00:16:49,759 --> 00:16:51,557 Oh... 232 00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:54,973 Ah! Oh... 233 00:17:00,394 --> 00:17:02,021 It really hurts! 234 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,949 I'm serious. 235 00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:11,743 It's not a terrible limp! 236 00:17:13,574 --> 00:17:14,951 Here? 237 00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:19,001 You choose lunch, I choose dinner. Usual arrangement. 238 00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:21,875 How's your knee? 239 00:17:23,626 --> 00:17:25,754 Let's keep walking. 240 00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:29,807 Good boy. 241 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:33,685 Too modern. 242 00:17:38,975 --> 00:17:40,773 Too empty. 243 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,607 Too empty. 244 00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:47,157 Too touristy. 245 00:17:47,233 --> 00:17:49,235 And they've got an English menu. 246 00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:53,243 - We have lift off. - You sure? 247 00:17:53,739 --> 00:17:55,332 Good. 248 00:17:56,284 --> 00:18:00,084 - Madame, monsieur, bonjour. - Bonjour. 249 00:18:00,162 --> 00:18:01,755 Bliss. 250 00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,140 - Madame, monsieur, le menu. - Merci. 251 00:18:22,560 --> 00:18:24,028 Merci. 252 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:27,607 I can't think when I've ever had a harder decision to make. 253 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:30,238 Monsieur? 254 00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:31,786 Madame. 255 00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:45,504 Vivant. 256 00:18:45,583 --> 00:18:47,506 Rosé. 257 00:18:56,927 --> 00:18:59,225 It's the nicest thing I've ever put in my mouth. 258 00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:09,949 Listen. 259 00:19:10,608 --> 00:19:12,610 Thanks for bringing me. 260 00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,659 Try. 261 00:19:19,241 --> 00:19:20,538 Mmm! 262 00:19:26,165 --> 00:19:28,167 Oh, God. 263 00:19:31,253 --> 00:19:34,473 I was sceptical. But I'm so glad we did this. 264 00:19:34,548 --> 00:19:36,550 Why sceptical? 265 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:39,728 You've been attacking me a lot, lately. 266 00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:43,440 Do you know why? 267 00:19:43,516 --> 00:19:44,984 DO you? 268 00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,073 You're making that noise. 269 00:19:51,941 --> 00:19:53,909 Am I? 270 00:19:53,984 --> 00:19:55,702 Have I always done it? 271 00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,121 Like an old horse at the trough. 272 00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:02,868 Enjoyment, some people call it. 273 00:20:03,786 --> 00:20:06,539 Lack of inhibition, freedom. 274 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:09,216 Are you free? 275 00:20:10,084 --> 00:20:12,086 I'd love not to give a fuck. 276 00:20:15,131 --> 00:20:17,133 This is it, isn't it, my love? 277 00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:20,386 This is where I want to be forever. 278 00:20:21,178 --> 00:20:24,352 You always did edit out the arguments and misery. 279 00:20:26,392 --> 00:20:29,111 You can't not love and hate the same person. 280 00:20:29,979 --> 00:20:33,324 Usually within the space of five minutes, in my experience. 281 00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:37,158 But you like things steady. 282 00:20:39,447 --> 00:20:41,541 Too steady. 283 00:20:43,659 --> 00:20:45,707 Why have you got your constipated face on? 284 00:20:53,294 --> 00:20:55,296 The fact of the matter... 285 00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:03,429 Actually... 286 00:21:04,847 --> 00:21:06,849 What's happened... 287 00:21:08,392 --> 00:21:11,896 About a month ago, the college insisted I take early retirement. 288 00:21:12,563 --> 00:21:14,782 Oh, Nick. 289 00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:16,776 Oh, fuck. 290 00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,075 One of the students made an official complaint. 291 00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:24,743 What did you say? 292 00:21:24,825 --> 00:21:28,375 I said, "if you spent as much time on your studies as you do on your hair, 293 00:21:28,454 --> 00:21:31,549 "you might have a chance of escaping your background." 294 00:21:35,002 --> 00:21:36,754 She complained to the dean. 295 00:21:37,171 --> 00:21:41,267 Apparently her hair is her history, 296 00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:44,387 her identity. 297 00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:46,848 And something else, I forget what. 298 00:21:48,974 --> 00:21:51,022 Ah, oui. 299 00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:53,103 Yes, yes, we're finished. 300 00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:00,160 Why didn't you tell me before? 301 00:22:02,029 --> 00:22:04,327 I wanted it to be a surprise. 302 00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:10,705 I couldn't think about it. 303 00:22:18,420 --> 00:22:20,718 - It's just here. - I hope it's dirty. 304 00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:22,516 I could do with cheering up. 305 00:22:22,591 --> 00:22:24,218 Definitely earthy. 306 00:22:25,094 --> 00:22:27,222 Is this it? 307 00:22:27,304 --> 00:22:28,806 Are you expecting me to die? 308 00:22:28,889 --> 00:22:31,813 Unfortunately, I'm expecting you to live forever. 309 00:22:33,978 --> 00:22:38,484 Baudelaire, Soutine, Sartre, Beckett... 310 00:22:39,650 --> 00:22:41,823 Your heroes. 311 00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,654 They're all here. 312 00:22:43,737 --> 00:22:47,082 But it's not as though they're actually here, is it? 313 00:22:47,157 --> 00:22:49,000 Don't panic. 314 00:22:49,076 --> 00:22:51,078 It's only dust and bones. 315 00:22:51,161 --> 00:22:53,163 That's the problem. 316 00:22:53,956 --> 00:22:55,833 As Beckett says, 317 00:22:55,916 --> 00:22:58,044 "Do we mean love when we say love?" 318 00:22:58,127 --> 00:23:00,846 What else do we mean? That's stupid. 319 00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:06,143 I think he means there's more to love than loving or being loved. 320 00:23:10,431 --> 00:23:13,184 Come on, where's Sartre? This is fun! 321 00:23:15,978 --> 00:23:17,275 I was brilliant at school. 322 00:23:18,439 --> 00:23:20,862 Bit of a star at university. 323 00:23:22,234 --> 00:23:25,704 I have to say, I'm amazed by how mediocre I've turned out to be. 324 00:23:26,322 --> 00:23:29,542 You can draw, you're musical. 325 00:23:30,576 --> 00:23:32,795 You can explain Wittgenstein to the illiterate. 326 00:23:34,288 --> 00:23:38,543 You contrived to chuck them away, your numerous talents. 327 00:23:38,959 --> 00:23:41,963 I did? Why would I do that? 328 00:23:43,547 --> 00:23:44,548 Masochism? 329 00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:49,057 It's not too late for you to find another direction. 330 00:23:50,387 --> 00:23:52,060 Why don't you think about it? 331 00:23:53,474 --> 00:23:54,851 Do you think so? 332 00:23:59,813 --> 00:24:01,281 People don't change. 333 00:24:02,232 --> 00:24:04,075 They do. 334 00:24:04,151 --> 00:24:05,528 They can get worse! 335 00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:08,656 Why have you cheered up so much? 336 00:24:09,990 --> 00:24:12,334 What is wrong with you? 337 00:24:12,409 --> 00:24:14,252 Come on. 338 00:24:38,644 --> 00:24:40,646 Can you see anything there? 339 00:24:42,189 --> 00:24:45,284 - Have I got skin cancer? - Yes. 340 00:24:45,985 --> 00:24:47,987 I knew it. 341 00:24:50,406 --> 00:24:54,582 You also mentioned early onset Alzheimer's and stomach cancer. 342 00:24:54,660 --> 00:24:56,537 That's right. 343 00:24:56,620 --> 00:24:58,622 And a lazy eye. 344 00:25:01,709 --> 00:25:03,711 What else? 345 00:25:04,378 --> 00:25:07,552 You'll be sorry that you never loved me enough. 346 00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:16,891 Mmm. 347 00:25:32,823 --> 00:25:34,825 ♪ Kidding you 348 00:25:37,453 --> 00:25:41,083 ♪ You used to laugh about 349 00:25:43,042 --> 00:25:46,763 ♪ Everybody that was hanging out 350 00:25:47,087 --> 00:25:50,591 ♪ Now you don't talk so loud 351 00:25:52,384 --> 00:25:55,763 ♪ And now you don't seem so proud 352 00:25:56,388 --> 00:25:59,141 ♪ About having to be scrounging 353 00:26:00,267 --> 00:26:03,521 ♪ Your next meal 354 00:26:05,147 --> 00:26:07,149 ♪ How does it feel? 355 00:26:10,277 --> 00:26:12,279 ♪ How does it feel? 356 00:26:14,656 --> 00:26:16,954 ♪ To be without a home 357 00:26:19,453 --> 00:26:22,206 ♪ Like a complete unknown ♪ 358 00:26:24,750 --> 00:26:26,878 I've got the key. 359 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,213 Hold on. Hold on. Where are my keys? 360 00:26:30,631 --> 00:26:33,100 We're not at home. Even you might have noticed. 361 00:26:33,175 --> 00:26:35,644 I get anxious if I don't know where they are. 362 00:26:36,386 --> 00:26:40,607 I help you find things all the time, even when it's futile and stupid. 363 00:26:40,682 --> 00:26:43,401 And don't use my toothbrush. You'll give me gum disease. 364 00:26:43,477 --> 00:26:45,354 - That's not even yours. - It bloody is! 365 00:26:45,646 --> 00:26:47,865 - The blue one. - Oh, yes. 366 00:26:47,940 --> 00:26:50,784 - Blue toothbrushes. - It's a panda welcome. 367 00:26:50,859 --> 00:26:52,861 The welcoming committee. 368 00:26:53,654 --> 00:26:55,952 Why's that panda staring at me? 369 00:26:56,782 --> 00:26:59,581 - I'm worried. - Bonjour, monsieur. Bonjour. 370 00:27:00,327 --> 00:27:02,125 Catch me! 371 00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:05,382 Pardon. 372 00:27:20,472 --> 00:27:22,645 Bonsoir. 373 00:27:24,768 --> 00:27:26,816 Bonsoir. 374 00:27:42,578 --> 00:27:45,081 They'll take our last penny. 375 00:27:45,164 --> 00:27:48,213 If it's the end of the world, I want to go down gulping oysters. 376 00:27:49,168 --> 00:27:51,296 Come on. 377 00:27:51,378 --> 00:27:53,472 I love it when you're in this mood! 378 00:27:53,922 --> 00:27:56,971 - Do you think you're bi-polar? Tri-polar, possibly. 379 00:27:58,135 --> 00:27:59,728 Do you think that 380 00:27:59,803 --> 00:28:03,307 part of the reason you invited Jack and Angie back into the house 381 00:28:03,390 --> 00:28:06,360 was because you can't bear being alone with me? 382 00:28:08,562 --> 00:28:09,939 I can't bear to be apart from you. 383 00:28:10,939 --> 00:28:13,442 Well, you are pathetically dependent. 384 00:28:15,277 --> 00:28:17,450 Why don't you want to help young people? 385 00:28:17,529 --> 00:28:19,657 Shut up. 386 00:28:19,740 --> 00:28:21,162 Idiot! 387 00:28:23,577 --> 00:28:25,329 You're a fucking idiot, sometimes. 388 00:28:34,880 --> 00:28:36,052 I want a new start. 389 00:28:37,758 --> 00:28:39,226 Sorry? 390 00:28:41,386 --> 00:28:43,138 I wanted to tell you. 391 00:28:43,222 --> 00:28:45,566 I've gone as far as I want to at the school. 392 00:28:45,849 --> 00:28:48,648 I'm fed up teaching Biology GCSE. 393 00:28:48,936 --> 00:28:51,109 I don't want to run the department. 394 00:28:52,439 --> 00:28:54,112 That's mad. What would you do instead? 395 00:28:56,443 --> 00:28:58,571 I don't know. 396 00:28:59,905 --> 00:29:03,876 I want to learn Italian, play the piano, 397 00:29:03,951 --> 00:29:05,953 dance the tango. 398 00:29:12,459 --> 00:29:14,632 Is it such a terrible idea? 399 00:29:18,340 --> 00:29:20,809 Once the kids have gone... 400 00:29:25,222 --> 00:29:27,224 What's left of us? 401 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:38,364 You've picked our anniversary to dump me? 402 00:29:39,903 --> 00:29:42,406 We must at least be able to talk about it. 403 00:29:44,116 --> 00:29:45,743 Right? 404 00:29:47,035 --> 00:29:48,332 Of course. 405 00:29:53,625 --> 00:29:55,593 Come on, love. 406 00:29:55,669 --> 00:29:57,671 Let's enjoy our dinner. 407 00:30:11,101 --> 00:30:13,479 Come on. Let's talk about the bathroom. 408 00:30:14,438 --> 00:30:16,440 I've got some good ideas. 409 00:30:21,153 --> 00:30:22,780 Nick? 410 00:30:31,788 --> 00:30:34,007 The least you can do is buy me a last supper. 411 00:30:34,291 --> 00:30:35,292 My pleasure. 412 00:30:56,563 --> 00:30:58,531 Go outside and smoke. 413 00:30:58,607 --> 00:31:01,030 - I don't smoke. - And wait. 414 00:31:02,569 --> 00:31:04,867 Get your coat. 415 00:31:04,946 --> 00:31:07,415 And get my coat too. 416 00:31:08,825 --> 00:31:11,123 That's all you have to do. 417 00:31:12,079 --> 00:31:13,831 Right. 418 00:31:14,873 --> 00:31:16,625 Fucking hell. 419 00:31:17,125 --> 00:31:18,672 Right. 420 00:31:23,090 --> 00:31:24,933 Excusez-moi. My coat, please. 421 00:31:25,008 --> 00:31:26,100 Of course. 422 00:31:26,176 --> 00:31:27,849 ls everything okay for you, madam? 423 00:31:27,928 --> 00:31:30,431 - Yes, great, thanks. - Thank you. 424 00:31:49,574 --> 00:31:51,793 Ah, excusez-moi. 425 00:31:51,868 --> 00:31:53,870 Pardon. 426 00:32:46,465 --> 00:32:48,934 Nick! 427 00:32:49,009 --> 00:32:51,307 Nick! Over here! 428 00:32:57,851 --> 00:32:59,534 For Christ's sake, what are you doing? 429 00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:01,631 Get this thing. They've plastic on it. 430 00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:03,197 Come on! 431 00:33:03,273 --> 00:33:06,402 Come on, give it a really good pull! 432 00:33:07,986 --> 00:33:09,579 Yes! 433 00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:11,869 Ah! 434 00:33:19,581 --> 00:33:22,084 God! Come on. 435 00:33:32,302 --> 00:33:34,396 Rock and fucking roll! 436 00:33:36,973 --> 00:33:38,566 Don't tell the kids. 437 00:33:38,850 --> 00:33:40,568 Merci. 438 00:33:42,103 --> 00:33:44,322 Come on. Come on. 439 00:33:45,023 --> 00:33:47,367 - Let's do it all again. - What do you mean? 440 00:33:47,442 --> 00:33:50,491 Try me again and I promise it'll be more fun this time. 441 00:33:59,079 --> 00:34:00,581 Get a room! 442 00:34:00,664 --> 00:34:02,837 Hey, Nick Burrows! 443 00:34:04,626 --> 00:34:07,470 It is. Nick Burrows? 444 00:34:07,671 --> 00:34:13,223 No. Is that really you, under all that terribly un-English passion? 445 00:34:13,301 --> 00:34:15,770 My God! Good God, hello there! 446 00:34:15,845 --> 00:34:20,100 Yes, hi, how are you? How the damn devil in the entire world are you? 447 00:34:20,350 --> 00:34:23,149 Tell me everything! 448 00:34:24,312 --> 00:34:27,566 - Wow! - Great. Good. 449 00:34:27,774 --> 00:34:29,617 Um... Not bad. 450 00:34:29,693 --> 00:34:31,491 - Well, then, this is my wife, Meg. - Hello. 451 00:34:31,570 --> 00:34:33,163 - Meg, Morgan. Morgan, Meg. - Your wife? 452 00:34:33,238 --> 00:34:36,333 I've never seen a man kiss his wife like that. 453 00:34:36,408 --> 00:34:39,412 Well, look at her. She's so... She's so beautiful. 454 00:34:39,494 --> 00:34:43,465 May I... I gotta try a little of... A little of that. Hello, Meg. 455 00:34:43,957 --> 00:34:46,881 Let's see. Wow, that's just delightful! 456 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:49,258 Well, what are the two of you up to around here? 457 00:34:49,337 --> 00:34:51,385 The weekend, you know, in Paris. 458 00:34:51,464 --> 00:34:52,886 - Oh, really? - For old times' sake. 459 00:34:52,966 --> 00:34:55,139 What about you? I thought you lived in New York. 460 00:34:55,218 --> 00:34:57,016 Yeah. I know, I thought I did too. 461 00:34:57,095 --> 00:35:00,895 But I'm back here and I've got a brand new wife, as a matter of fact. 462 00:35:00,974 --> 00:35:03,978 I'm scribbling and, you know, prostituting myself as usual. 463 00:35:04,060 --> 00:35:06,563 Economics, politics, the whole collapse. 464 00:35:06,646 --> 00:35:09,115 I understand it, apparently. Who am I to disagree? 465 00:35:09,190 --> 00:35:11,158 Hey, listen... 466 00:35:11,234 --> 00:35:13,282 We're having a little thing tomorrow. 467 00:35:13,361 --> 00:35:15,580 I'd love it if the two of you could come along. 468 00:35:15,655 --> 00:35:17,095 - I don't know. - I think we're free. 469 00:35:17,157 --> 00:35:19,080 You are? That's great. May I? 470 00:35:19,159 --> 00:35:21,833 May I write a little something? 471 00:35:21,911 --> 00:35:23,879 Seriously, Nick, this must be synchronicity. 472 00:35:23,955 --> 00:35:27,300 We gotta catch up on so many things. Thank you, Meg. 473 00:35:27,375 --> 00:35:29,298 Mmm. There's so much to talk about. 474 00:35:29,377 --> 00:35:30,503 There is? 475 00:35:30,587 --> 00:35:31,839 - Thanks. - Eight o'clock. 476 00:35:31,921 --> 00:35:34,765 You can be unfashionably on time for once in your life. 477 00:35:36,301 --> 00:35:37,928 Wow! 478 00:35:38,303 --> 00:35:40,021 Tomorrow. 479 00:35:40,096 --> 00:35:42,269 Tomorrow, oh, my God! 480 00:35:42,349 --> 00:35:45,444 Nick... Burrows! 481 00:35:49,939 --> 00:35:52,408 Rue de Rivoli. Wow! 482 00:35:53,401 --> 00:35:55,779 We were at Cambridge together. 483 00:35:55,862 --> 00:35:58,331 Haven't you got his book by the bed? 484 00:35:58,573 --> 00:35:59,699 Possibly. 485 00:35:59,783 --> 00:36:02,411 You read it twice and said it was a bad day for the English language. 486 00:36:02,494 --> 00:36:04,997 It was very well received. It was a sensation. 487 00:36:08,041 --> 00:36:10,043 He was in the year below me. 488 00:36:10,126 --> 00:36:11,969 I introduced him to everybody. 489 00:36:12,796 --> 00:36:14,969 What happened? 490 00:36:15,382 --> 00:36:17,009 Life happened. 491 00:36:20,303 --> 00:36:21,976 That's mine. 492 00:36:24,015 --> 00:36:25,642 - Give it to me! - No. 493 00:36:27,477 --> 00:36:29,696 You're gonna get gum disease! 494 00:36:29,771 --> 00:36:32,240 Yeah, I'll give you gum disease. 495 00:36:32,691 --> 00:36:34,864 - Ow! - Give it to me! 496 00:36:35,860 --> 00:36:37,487 Oh, sorry. 497 00:36:42,659 --> 00:36:44,161 Blood. 498 00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:51,168 Show me your breasts. 499 00:37:35,754 --> 00:37:37,973 Are you sleeping? 500 00:37:38,548 --> 00:37:40,676 Awaiting your noises. 501 00:37:43,803 --> 00:37:46,397 What are you thinking? 502 00:37:48,767 --> 00:37:53,273 Should I have had the creme brulée instead of the poires belle Hélene? 503 00:37:54,314 --> 00:37:56,692 It'll be my dying thought. 504 00:38:01,321 --> 00:38:03,824 - Would it be okay... - Mmm? 505 00:38:04,365 --> 00:38:07,710 ...for me to briefly mount you... 506 00:38:07,827 --> 00:38:08,874 Mmm-hmm. 507 00:38:08,953 --> 00:38:13,174 ...and soon after ejaculate a miniscule amount? 508 00:38:14,542 --> 00:38:16,795 I'm dropping off. 509 00:38:53,832 --> 00:38:55,175 Nick? 510 00:39:35,415 --> 00:39:36,712 Nick? 511 00:39:45,758 --> 00:39:47,226 Nick? 512 00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,423 What is it? What's happened? 513 00:40:24,756 --> 00:40:25,973 I thought you'd gone. 514 00:40:27,342 --> 00:40:29,470 Wasn't that what you wanted? 515 00:40:31,554 --> 00:40:32,726 Hold me. 516 00:40:35,058 --> 00:40:37,607 I've got you, darling. I've got you. 517 00:40:38,019 --> 00:40:40,260 - I thought you'd gone. - It's all right, it's all right. 518 00:40:40,313 --> 00:40:42,691 I've got you. I've got you. 519 00:40:46,486 --> 00:40:48,955 I never read short stories in the papers at home. 520 00:40:54,869 --> 00:40:55,870 It's good. 521 00:40:59,415 --> 00:41:01,588 - Bonjour. - Bonjour, madame. 522 00:41:02,877 --> 00:41:04,629 Over here? 523 00:41:11,135 --> 00:41:13,979 You know, Morgan seems to really like you. 524 00:41:15,390 --> 00:41:18,064 He wasn't joking. He really does want to see you. 525 00:41:20,645 --> 00:41:21,988 Why? 526 00:41:22,647 --> 00:41:24,945 What have I got that he could possibly want? 527 00:41:25,024 --> 00:41:27,026 Me, for a start. 528 00:41:29,862 --> 00:41:32,706 - Oh. - Couldn't he help you? 529 00:41:36,661 --> 00:41:38,880 - I like your collage. - You do? 530 00:41:38,955 --> 00:41:41,458 Yeah, it looks great. 531 00:41:41,541 --> 00:41:43,635 - You look great. - Thanks. 532 00:41:43,710 --> 00:41:46,133 You've always had elegance and grace. 533 00:41:46,212 --> 00:41:47,589 You've always had class. 534 00:41:47,672 --> 00:41:49,094 Thank you! 535 00:41:50,633 --> 00:41:52,101 Well? 536 00:41:52,760 --> 00:41:54,762 Well... Thanks. 537 00:41:55,263 --> 00:41:57,982 - What about me? - What about you, what? 538 00:41:58,641 --> 00:42:01,485 Have I got class? 539 00:42:01,561 --> 00:42:02,653 What? 540 00:42:02,729 --> 00:42:04,982 I want to do the ultimate Cambridge novel. 541 00:42:05,064 --> 00:42:06,407 God! 542 00:42:06,482 --> 00:42:08,234 Beginning in the '70s. 543 00:42:08,317 --> 00:42:12,038 Orgies, drugs, work, kids, 544 00:42:12,113 --> 00:42:13,660 divorce, 545 00:42:13,740 --> 00:42:16,334 multiple sclerosis, 546 00:42:16,409 --> 00:42:18,457 assisted death... 547 00:42:18,536 --> 00:42:20,880 I'd rather stick pins in my breasts. 548 00:42:20,955 --> 00:42:23,003 Haven't you got any less tired ideas? 549 00:42:24,167 --> 00:42:25,794 Don't put me down. 550 00:42:25,877 --> 00:42:28,801 Mistress Realism, you used to call me. You liked that. 551 00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:30,302 Up to a point. 552 00:42:48,024 --> 00:42:49,492 What are you doing? 553 00:42:50,276 --> 00:42:52,404 Come on. Take what you want. 554 00:42:53,196 --> 00:42:54,994 You can cut out the pictures. 555 00:42:55,073 --> 00:42:57,201 I'll pay. 556 00:43:10,379 --> 00:43:12,302 Be kind, don't look. 557 00:43:13,591 --> 00:43:17,721 Every time I take off my knickers, I think there's going to be an eclipse. 558 00:43:17,804 --> 00:43:20,057 I love to look at you. 559 00:43:21,265 --> 00:43:24,485 Slightly chubby in places now. Voluptuous. 560 00:43:24,560 --> 00:43:28,110 I don't want to be fucking chubby in places. Any places. 561 00:43:29,899 --> 00:43:31,822 I thought you'd like to be appreciated. 562 00:43:31,901 --> 00:43:33,699 Well, I am. 563 00:43:34,987 --> 00:43:38,161 The other day, I'll have you know, a young man, 564 00:43:38,241 --> 00:43:40,243 not entirely retarded, 565 00:43:40,326 --> 00:43:42,920 tried to pick me up in Waterstones. 566 00:43:44,163 --> 00:43:47,042 Doesn't surprise me. You're hot. 567 00:43:47,750 --> 00:43:49,468 Thank you. 568 00:43:50,336 --> 00:43:52,213 Hot but cold. 569 00:43:54,006 --> 00:43:56,600 Our generation was into weird living: 570 00:43:58,010 --> 00:44:00,934 Communes, 571 00:44:01,013 --> 00:44:03,311 vegetarianism, 572 00:44:03,391 --> 00:44:05,268 lesbianism. 573 00:44:06,894 --> 00:44:09,443 Nothing straight where possible. 574 00:44:10,231 --> 00:44:13,906 But I'm glad we got married. That's why I wanted to celebrate this weekend. 575 00:44:15,319 --> 00:44:17,742 It's the commitment... 576 00:44:17,822 --> 00:44:20,917 The sacrifice of other pleasures that makes it work. 577 00:44:21,450 --> 00:44:23,293 You're terrified. 578 00:44:25,454 --> 00:44:27,752 - Of what? - Being left alone. 579 00:44:27,832 --> 00:44:31,382 You follow me round the house like a child with a popped balloon. 580 00:44:31,752 --> 00:44:35,802 You really are becoming more self-obsessed, Nick. It's getting worse. 581 00:44:35,882 --> 00:44:38,681 Some people brag about their ability to be alone. 582 00:44:41,721 --> 00:44:45,817 But I've started to feel a sort of physical dread of desertion. 583 00:44:45,892 --> 00:44:47,894 Oh, come on! 584 00:44:48,477 --> 00:44:51,401 Why doesn't anybody want my company? 585 00:45:07,538 --> 00:45:09,586 Do you like the shoes? 586 00:45:12,001 --> 00:45:14,220 Do I please you, monsieur? 587 00:45:16,464 --> 00:45:19,138 Tell me who you bought those shoes for. 588 00:45:19,717 --> 00:45:21,560 What do you mean? You know who. 589 00:45:23,763 --> 00:45:25,185 Who, for me? 590 00:45:26,307 --> 00:45:28,605 For you? For me, you idiot. 591 00:45:32,355 --> 00:45:34,323 I've decided to give up everything I like. 592 00:45:34,899 --> 00:45:36,867 - Why? - It's a discipline, 593 00:45:36,943 --> 00:45:38,866 the only advantage of masochism. 594 00:45:38,945 --> 00:45:41,869 I want to stop desiring things which are impossible. 595 00:45:45,910 --> 00:45:47,036 You won't like this, then. 596 00:45:48,746 --> 00:45:49,747 What? 597 00:45:53,751 --> 00:45:54,752 What? 598 00:45:59,548 --> 00:46:00,595 Get down. 599 00:46:26,033 --> 00:46:27,125 Look. 600 00:46:34,667 --> 00:46:36,169 Can you see? 601 00:46:51,350 --> 00:46:53,273 Let me smell you. 602 00:46:57,982 --> 00:47:00,656 Please... Just a sniff. 603 00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:06,707 You're a naughty dog. 604 00:47:11,078 --> 00:47:13,080 Get ready while I put my dress on. 605 00:47:21,964 --> 00:47:24,592 Haven't got any... Anything to get ready in. 606 00:47:26,677 --> 00:47:29,271 Stay here, then, and write your masterpiece. 607 00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:38,522 Just leave it, like Jack does. 608 00:47:39,774 --> 00:47:42,277 I wouldn't rely on him in matters of the head. 609 00:47:42,568 --> 00:47:44,161 You envied him. 610 00:47:44,737 --> 00:47:47,035 You made sure he had more of you than I did. 611 00:47:47,114 --> 00:47:50,038 He was the child. Now you want him back in the house. 612 00:47:50,618 --> 00:47:52,245 You can't let anyone go. 613 00:47:53,079 --> 00:47:55,173 I haven't seen this since I read Gramsci 614 00:47:55,247 --> 00:47:58,046 and contemplated kidnapping a captain of industry. 615 00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:23,442 This is the last time I save you. 616 00:48:24,985 --> 00:48:26,237 What? 617 00:48:29,281 --> 00:48:30,783 On the room, madame? 618 00:48:30,866 --> 00:48:33,210 Always on the room. It's my new mantra. 619 00:48:33,452 --> 00:48:34,920 "On the room." 620 00:48:36,622 --> 00:48:38,090 Everything on the room. 621 00:48:49,844 --> 00:48:55,726 I think I'm gonna ask Morgan to help you get your philosophy book published. 622 00:48:56,559 --> 00:48:58,061 I'm not ready to start that. 623 00:49:00,604 --> 00:49:02,277 What's so amusing? 624 00:49:03,232 --> 00:49:09,114 You are always about to write a book or about to decorate the bathroom 625 00:49:09,196 --> 00:49:14,293 or about to tell me something which will alter our lives forever. 626 00:49:15,161 --> 00:49:17,129 But you know what you are? 627 00:49:17,204 --> 00:49:19,172 A potential Nobel laureate? 628 00:49:19,748 --> 00:49:22,968 You are the postman who never knocks. 629 00:49:23,627 --> 00:49:25,595 And you know why that is? 630 00:49:25,671 --> 00:49:29,266 Please, darling, lighten my burden of ignorance. 631 00:49:29,341 --> 00:49:31,343 I'm not sure you've got any balls. 632 00:49:34,096 --> 00:49:36,895 When we met, you were part of the feminist Taliban 633 00:49:36,974 --> 00:49:39,602 and you insisted I contact my feminine side. 634 00:49:39,685 --> 00:49:41,608 Have I not contacted it sufficiently? 635 00:49:41,687 --> 00:49:43,030 Contacted it? 636 00:49:43,105 --> 00:49:45,107 You practically married it. 637 00:49:50,988 --> 00:49:54,868 Perhaps one day I'll be as tall and manly 638 00:49:55,576 --> 00:49:58,580 and as nifty with Microsoft Word as Melik. 639 00:49:59,455 --> 00:50:00,581 Melik. 640 00:50:05,127 --> 00:50:07,255 The computer guy? Melik? 641 00:50:07,338 --> 00:50:08,681 Yes, Melik. 642 00:50:10,132 --> 00:50:12,726 Well? Are you going to admit it? 643 00:50:13,844 --> 00:50:15,096 Admit what? 644 00:50:16,055 --> 00:50:17,147 Your lover. 645 00:50:21,143 --> 00:50:23,191 Yes? 646 00:50:27,816 --> 00:50:29,693 That kid? 647 00:50:30,277 --> 00:50:34,248 That bald, sweaty nerd in a badly-fitting T-shirt? 648 00:50:34,323 --> 00:50:35,950 Are you having a nervous breakdown? 649 00:50:36,033 --> 00:50:37,159 Admit it. 650 00:50:37,243 --> 00:50:40,203 How many times do you expect me to believe your bloody laptop can go wrong? 651 00:50:40,204 --> 00:50:41,581 Admit it! 652 00:50:45,793 --> 00:50:48,216 You're ill! 653 00:50:59,139 --> 00:51:01,562 I saw how you were with him. Tell me the truth. 654 00:51:01,642 --> 00:51:04,111 You're an idiot. I've had enough of you. 655 00:51:04,478 --> 00:51:06,901 Meg, tell me the truth. 656 00:51:06,981 --> 00:51:10,155 Have I ever lied to you? Ever? 657 00:51:11,443 --> 00:51:13,366 What on earth was I thinking of, 658 00:51:13,445 --> 00:51:17,700 depriving myself of love, of sex, of male company, 659 00:51:17,783 --> 00:51:19,456 to keep this pathetic thing going? 660 00:51:19,535 --> 00:51:21,378 I thought you were interested in someone else. 661 00:51:21,453 --> 00:51:25,003 - It's me I want more of! - Why? What for? 662 00:51:25,082 --> 00:51:27,460 - I want to sell the house. - What? 663 00:51:27,543 --> 00:51:29,386 I'm to be thrown out of my own home? 664 00:51:29,461 --> 00:51:31,964 - Get a flat. - I don't have an income. 665 00:51:32,339 --> 00:51:34,558 Divorce happens to everyone now. 666 00:51:35,718 --> 00:51:37,470 You went with a student! 667 00:51:37,553 --> 00:51:40,227 Fifteen years ago. How could you bring that up now? 668 00:51:40,306 --> 00:51:42,400 Just as Jack was having all those problems at school, 669 00:51:42,474 --> 00:51:46,695 all you said was, "He'll be fine." I was out of my mind with worry. 670 00:51:47,104 --> 00:51:49,573 You couldn't believe that any child of yours 671 00:51:49,648 --> 00:51:52,322 could possibly have anything wrong with him. 672 00:51:52,401 --> 00:51:54,870 I was isolated. You preferred the boys to me. 673 00:51:54,945 --> 00:51:56,447 Do you blame me? 674 00:51:57,364 --> 00:51:59,492 Meg. Meg... 675 00:52:00,034 --> 00:52:02,913 If we go in there, our lives will never be the same again. 676 00:52:02,995 --> 00:52:06,124 Great! Let's hurry, let's open the door. 677 00:52:07,791 --> 00:52:11,216 In fact, why don't you stay out here whingeing and complaining as usual? 678 00:52:11,295 --> 00:52:13,718 I actually want to go to a party. 679 00:52:13,797 --> 00:52:15,549 Come on, Meg! 680 00:52:16,008 --> 00:52:17,351 Meg, please. 681 00:52:18,719 --> 00:52:20,767 Fucking apologise! 682 00:52:22,097 --> 00:52:23,895 Why should I? 683 00:52:23,974 --> 00:52:27,945 You dressed up for him. You took him tea. You hung around wearing that scent. 684 00:52:31,023 --> 00:52:32,696 I love you, Meg. 685 00:52:33,734 --> 00:52:35,327 Take that seriously. 686 00:52:38,656 --> 00:52:40,374 Love dies. 687 00:52:40,449 --> 00:52:41,917 Only if you kill it. 688 00:52:41,992 --> 00:52:44,495 - Fool, you really are. - Call me paranoid. 689 00:52:44,578 --> 00:52:46,751 You are, you must be. Melik! 690 00:52:46,830 --> 00:52:48,503 Cold, you. You're frozen inside. 691 00:52:48,582 --> 00:52:49,925 Frankly, you'd freeze a penguin. 692 00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:51,752 - Ha, ha. That's not fuckin' funny. - You're weak. 693 00:52:51,835 --> 00:52:55,089 You won't even get through this evening without a nervous breakdown. 694 00:52:55,172 --> 00:52:57,300 - Welcome! - Ah! 695 00:52:57,383 --> 00:52:59,852 Thank goodness, you made it. That's so wonderful. 696 00:53:00,469 --> 00:53:02,392 - Ah! There we are. - Hi. 697 00:53:02,471 --> 00:53:04,189 Not far to go. Good evening. 698 00:53:04,264 --> 00:53:06,312 Welcome. Here, would you like some champagne? 699 00:53:06,392 --> 00:53:08,394 - Thank you. - Please. Come on in, come on in. 700 00:53:08,477 --> 00:53:10,605 I was worried you guys weren't gonna make it. 701 00:53:10,688 --> 00:53:12,565 I almost had a thrombo. Come on, come on. 702 00:53:12,648 --> 00:53:14,241 There are some great people in here, 703 00:53:14,316 --> 00:53:15,943 and they're dying to meet you. I've been talking you up. 704 00:53:16,026 --> 00:53:17,243 Thank you, Stéphane. 705 00:53:17,319 --> 00:53:18,759 I've been thinking about you all day. 706 00:53:18,779 --> 00:53:19,826 You have? 707 00:53:21,031 --> 00:53:23,125 What gorgeous hell is this? 708 00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:24,827 - Merci. - Merci. 709 00:53:25,744 --> 00:53:27,371 Go on, go in. 710 00:53:27,454 --> 00:53:29,957 They're French. I'm sure their lives are awful too. 711 00:53:30,290 --> 00:53:31,792 Don't leave me on my own. 712 00:53:31,875 --> 00:53:33,673 Isn't that what you want? 713 00:53:34,336 --> 00:53:35,588 There we are. 714 00:53:35,671 --> 00:53:37,344 Thought I'd lost you. Come on in. 715 00:53:37,423 --> 00:53:39,801 I didn't see... Oh, look at that. Come on in, I'll introduce you. 716 00:53:39,883 --> 00:53:43,808 I didn't see that black lacy... I wish I had my sketch pad. 717 00:53:44,388 --> 00:53:48,063 May I introduce you to all these talkative types? 718 00:53:48,142 --> 00:53:51,487 Hey, this is, uh, Nick, everybody. 719 00:53:51,562 --> 00:53:55,112 Well, here's Robert and Dominique Ertel, my long-suffering publishers. 720 00:53:55,190 --> 00:53:56,737 They do all my stuff here in France. 721 00:53:56,817 --> 00:54:01,448 This is my great old friend, Nick Burrows, and his wife, Meg. 722 00:54:01,530 --> 00:54:04,409 They're from London. He's a professor of philosophy. 723 00:54:04,491 --> 00:54:08,371 Meg, I'm so sorry, I didn't ask you. Tell me what you do. 724 00:54:08,454 --> 00:54:10,172 - Writer? - I'm a teacher. 725 00:54:10,247 --> 00:54:11,999 That's so interesting. I wanna hear all about that. 726 00:54:12,082 --> 00:54:15,177 Jean-Pierre. May I introduce our expert on Proust? 727 00:54:15,252 --> 00:54:17,095 - He's exaggerating. - Not true. 728 00:54:17,171 --> 00:54:20,266 He's so good. And you're currently translating Dickens. 729 00:54:20,340 --> 00:54:21,887 Yeah. Bleak House. 730 00:54:21,967 --> 00:54:23,890 - Oh! - Bleak House. 731 00:54:23,969 --> 00:54:27,439 Oh, yeah. Victoire Lachapelle, the novelist, I'm sure you know, 732 00:54:27,514 --> 00:54:30,267 Américain, very successful... 733 00:54:31,101 --> 00:54:33,069 And Harry Rose, the sculptor, 734 00:54:33,145 --> 00:54:35,239 who's got a very interesting show of drawings. 735 00:54:35,314 --> 00:54:38,363 - Where is that gallery? - Think and Do Gallery, St Honoré. 736 00:54:38,442 --> 00:54:40,911 I saw it, it's fantastic. I highly recommend it. 737 00:54:40,986 --> 00:54:43,660 - Christophe Aragues. - Ara-gueth. 738 00:54:43,739 --> 00:54:44,991 Ara-gueth. 739 00:54:45,073 --> 00:54:47,872 He's a professor of economics at the Sorbonne. 740 00:54:47,951 --> 00:54:51,626 And Valentin Lefevre, who's an economist at Le Monde. 741 00:54:51,705 --> 00:54:53,048 Financial Times. 742 00:54:53,123 --> 00:54:56,844 The Financial Times. Perhaps you've run into his stuff. 743 00:54:56,919 --> 00:55:01,049 And the Mona Lisa over there, can you see, is my wife Eve. 744 00:55:01,131 --> 00:55:04,761 Hello, my darling. Nick Burrows and Meg. 745 00:55:05,886 --> 00:55:06,887 Thank you. 746 00:55:06,970 --> 00:55:09,974 So there you go. Hey, come with me, Nick. 747 00:55:10,057 --> 00:55:12,606 Can I steal your sweet husband away for a sec? 748 00:55:12,684 --> 00:55:14,903 - Take him, do. - What are you gonna say? 749 00:55:14,978 --> 00:55:16,104 Yeah, right. 750 00:55:16,188 --> 00:55:20,113 There you go. Okay. 751 00:55:30,327 --> 00:55:32,295 There you go. 752 00:55:32,371 --> 00:55:33,839 There you go, Nick. 753 00:55:34,456 --> 00:55:36,959 Oh, if I may. 754 00:55:37,251 --> 00:55:39,970 Thanks. Can't wait to read it. 755 00:55:40,254 --> 00:55:44,134 Oh, well, you know, it's actually just a rehash of my old articles. 756 00:55:44,216 --> 00:55:48,221 But, you know, they put it into this book and it took off for some reason. 757 00:55:48,303 --> 00:55:51,147 I got lucky, I guess. It could happen to anybody. 758 00:55:51,223 --> 00:55:54,898 - It didn't happen to me. - Well, you're too serious. 759 00:55:54,977 --> 00:55:58,777 You know, have you ever even said anything slight in your whole life? 760 00:55:58,856 --> 00:56:02,110 I don't think so, not in the time that I knew you. Here have a... 761 00:56:02,192 --> 00:56:04,069 Please have a seat. 762 00:56:04,653 --> 00:56:08,283 Over the years that I've sat in desks like this and, you know, 763 00:56:08,365 --> 00:56:11,869 in those times when I've tried to convince myself I had some kind of brain 764 00:56:11,952 --> 00:56:16,879 or just a little bit of rigour and integrity, 765 00:56:16,957 --> 00:56:19,380 you know what I've thought so often to myself? 766 00:56:19,459 --> 00:56:21,302 "What would Nick Burrows do now? 767 00:56:23,213 --> 00:56:24,965 "What would Nick say now?" 768 00:56:26,592 --> 00:56:28,060 - You have? - Yes. 769 00:56:28,552 --> 00:56:30,552 Thank you so much. Would you like something to eat? 770 00:56:30,971 --> 00:56:33,599 - No, merci. - Are you sure? Thank you. 771 00:56:33,974 --> 00:56:35,692 Thank you. Is it, Ju... 772 00:56:35,767 --> 00:56:38,270 - Julie. - Julie? 773 00:56:38,687 --> 00:56:40,314 Thank you, Julie. 774 00:56:44,818 --> 00:56:45,944 Eve. 775 00:56:46,945 --> 00:56:48,947 She's gonna eat me alive. 776 00:56:50,240 --> 00:56:52,413 You know, I'm not... I'm not a total idiot. 777 00:56:53,452 --> 00:56:54,453 But... 778 00:56:54,536 --> 00:57:00,009 Nick, I was so depressed and I was just suffocating and I was dying. 779 00:57:00,500 --> 00:57:03,629 I was seeing every psychiatrist on the Upper West Side. 780 00:57:04,630 --> 00:57:09,557 Until I finally found one who, of course, told me what I wanted to hear 781 00:57:10,177 --> 00:57:12,350 and he released me 782 00:57:13,305 --> 00:57:16,058 and I slipped away from my wife one morning 783 00:57:16,141 --> 00:57:18,109 without even taking my toothbrush. 784 00:57:19,061 --> 00:57:22,156 It was totally insane. And I wound up here. 785 00:57:22,230 --> 00:57:26,155 But then, I decided to do the whole thing all over again. 786 00:57:26,234 --> 00:57:28,578 Love, marriage and kids. 787 00:57:28,654 --> 00:57:31,624 And so now here I am... 788 00:57:32,574 --> 00:57:33,575 Mmm. 789 00:57:33,867 --> 00:57:35,790 Enjoying... 790 00:57:36,536 --> 00:57:39,380 Keeping the Mona Lisa fascinated. 791 00:57:40,457 --> 00:57:41,629 And she adores me. 792 00:57:42,459 --> 00:57:44,632 Can't see through me... Yet. 793 00:57:44,878 --> 00:57:46,380 But we know she will. 794 00:57:47,130 --> 00:57:48,723 I mean, she will. 795 00:57:50,926 --> 00:57:54,726 So am I brave or am I foolish? 796 00:57:55,973 --> 00:57:58,476 Why would you put yourself through all that again? 797 00:58:01,770 --> 00:58:03,568 Because I'm vain. 798 00:58:03,647 --> 00:58:06,651 Because I'm just ridiculously vain. 799 00:58:06,733 --> 00:58:10,863 I wanna be adored and waited for 800 00:58:11,530 --> 00:58:12,998 and listened to. 801 00:58:13,782 --> 00:58:14,999 Don't you? 802 00:58:16,368 --> 00:58:17,961 I don't share your delusion. 803 00:58:19,663 --> 00:58:22,086 What do you mean, delusion? How am I deluded? 804 00:58:24,710 --> 00:58:27,054 That by giving up on someone, you're free. 805 00:58:30,966 --> 00:58:32,809 No, no, no. 806 00:58:33,260 --> 00:58:34,853 No, no. Mmm. 807 00:58:36,054 --> 00:58:37,351 Mmm! 808 00:58:38,098 --> 00:58:40,021 Do you know what I just flashed on? 809 00:58:40,100 --> 00:58:42,319 Do you remember those mornings at dawn 810 00:58:42,728 --> 00:58:48,701 that we would get up to sell those newspapers in front of the factory gates? 811 00:58:48,775 --> 00:58:52,905 I think we sold about four of them before the working-class heroes chased us away. 812 00:58:54,156 --> 00:58:56,784 I'll bet those factories aren't even there any more. 813 00:58:57,117 --> 00:58:59,370 How about the Brecht play, 814 00:58:59,453 --> 00:59:02,957 that you put on at the ADC with the Pink Floyd music? 815 00:59:03,040 --> 00:59:05,213 Very brilliant. Very brilliant. 816 00:59:06,293 --> 00:59:07,715 Were those the days? 817 00:59:10,338 --> 00:59:11,555 Oh! 818 00:59:12,340 --> 00:59:13,512 Wow! 819 00:59:14,676 --> 00:59:17,771 I mean, we grew up so safe and easy, that's the truth. 820 00:59:18,513 --> 00:59:22,814 You know, it's been just a breeze for guys like us. 821 00:59:22,893 --> 00:59:25,487 - It has? - Well, look at you, you know. 822 00:59:26,021 --> 00:59:29,025 Sitting comfortably in some 15th-century room, 823 00:59:29,608 --> 00:59:33,784 with your spectacularly striking, beautiful wife. 824 00:59:34,196 --> 00:59:38,246 A weekend cottage ¡n the Cotswolds, I'll bet, and a Labrador, 825 00:59:40,160 --> 00:59:43,209 the royalties from all your books and a big pension at the end of all of it. 826 00:59:43,288 --> 00:59:45,165 Am I getting my serve in the ballpark? 827 00:59:45,248 --> 00:59:48,752 And you've got smart, bearded friends with whom you can discuss politics 828 00:59:48,835 --> 00:59:52,135 and philosophy while you all sing along to Joni Mitchell records? 829 00:59:52,214 --> 00:59:54,416 - You see me more clearly than I see myself. 830 00:59:55,383 --> 00:59:59,388 I can... You know, I can do a little thing. 831 00:59:59,471 --> 01:00:00,597 You know... 832 01:00:01,556 --> 01:00:04,480 I think we've taken too much out of the world. 833 01:00:05,143 --> 01:00:08,522 We were the spark. The '60s and '70s lit the fuse, baby. 834 01:00:08,605 --> 01:00:09,697 Really? 835 01:00:10,315 --> 01:00:13,489 Yeah. Feminism, racial equality, human rights, all that stuff. 836 01:00:14,361 --> 01:00:17,991 Yeah, I wanna ignite some kind of blaze, you know. 837 01:00:18,073 --> 01:00:22,374 I wanna go into the banlieues with some good people and some money 838 01:00:22,869 --> 01:00:27,124 and, you know, have discussions, political, literary, but shake things up. 839 01:00:27,207 --> 01:00:29,005 Do you wanna come with me? 840 01:00:29,084 --> 01:00:30,427 Me? 841 01:00:30,502 --> 01:00:34,848 I could put you down for, you know, 2K. Neither of us'll miss that kind of money. 842 01:00:37,175 --> 01:00:38,643 Make it four. 843 01:00:38,718 --> 01:00:41,767 Make it 4K, I'll put a cheque in the post tomorrow. 844 01:00:43,265 --> 01:00:44,608 Nick Burrows. 845 01:00:46,101 --> 01:00:47,523 I knew you'd get it. 846 01:00:48,979 --> 01:00:50,947 Oh, I knew it. 847 01:00:53,275 --> 01:00:54,902 Here's to the future. 848 01:01:07,622 --> 01:01:09,750 - Are you an artist? - I wish. 849 01:01:10,834 --> 01:01:12,836 Well, you... You look like an artist. 850 01:01:14,254 --> 01:01:17,133 Perhaps it's your hair. 851 01:01:23,221 --> 01:01:25,599 So, what are you doing here? 852 01:01:26,266 --> 01:01:28,143 Yes, that's a good question. 853 01:01:28,685 --> 01:01:31,108 No, I mean, what are you doing here in Paris? 854 01:01:31,188 --> 01:01:33,407 Oh, it's our wedding anniversary. 855 01:01:33,481 --> 01:01:36,655 Really? Wow, how long? 856 01:01:37,736 --> 01:01:40,410 - Thirty years. - That's amazing. 857 01:01:40,488 --> 01:01:42,081 Yes, it is, isn't it? 858 01:01:42,157 --> 01:01:45,252 Our children have left home. Nearly. 859 01:01:45,744 --> 01:01:47,371 So now, we're alone together. 860 01:01:47,454 --> 01:01:49,798 And now you will have time just for each other. 861 01:01:49,873 --> 01:01:51,466 Mmm. 862 01:01:53,210 --> 01:01:55,212 I know it's awful. 863 01:01:57,047 --> 01:02:00,802 I can't wait to be with him every minute of the day. 864 01:02:01,843 --> 01:02:04,767 He knows everything. I will never be bored by him. 865 01:02:04,846 --> 01:02:06,848 Suppose he's bored by you? 866 01:02:08,391 --> 01:02:10,393 Really? You think? 867 01:02:10,477 --> 01:02:12,320 I don't believe in that. 868 01:02:12,395 --> 01:02:13,521 "The one." 869 01:02:14,022 --> 01:02:17,196 There are many ones. That's the problem. 870 01:02:17,275 --> 01:02:20,199 People start to murder you. You have to be ruthless. 871 01:02:22,822 --> 01:02:25,200 My husband claimed I was unfaithful. 872 01:02:25,367 --> 01:02:26,664 And what did you say? 873 01:02:29,537 --> 01:02:31,084 I thought, 874 01:02:31,164 --> 01:02:33,508 "What a waste. 875 01:02:34,167 --> 01:02:38,513 "To be accused of being a whore and to be so innocent." 876 01:02:42,842 --> 01:02:44,310 I'm sorry. 877 01:02:44,386 --> 01:02:46,559 When's the baby due? 878 01:02:46,638 --> 01:02:48,732 Oh, it's for April. 879 01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:42,448 Sorry. 880 01:03:42,527 --> 01:03:44,029 Who are you? 881 01:03:44,112 --> 01:03:46,114 Nick. I'm Nick. 882 01:03:50,660 --> 01:03:52,662 Do you like that music? 883 01:03:54,372 --> 01:03:57,251 Uh... I like all music. 884 01:03:58,501 --> 01:03:59,753 I give it a go. 885 01:04:01,171 --> 01:04:03,265 Good for you. 886 01:04:03,340 --> 01:04:04,432 Do you want a drink? 887 01:04:12,891 --> 01:04:15,735 Aren't you, um, enjoying the party? 888 01:04:16,353 --> 01:04:18,947 I'm not sure enjoyment's really my thing. 889 01:04:20,148 --> 01:04:21,741 I don't quite fit in. 890 01:04:22,525 --> 01:04:25,745 Even on my own, I don't fit in, let alone with anyone else. 891 01:04:28,365 --> 01:04:31,585 - You live here? - Oh, I'm just here for the weekend. 892 01:04:34,579 --> 01:04:36,422 I live in New York. 893 01:04:36,498 --> 01:04:38,546 - Crikey. - Yeah, Morgan's my dad. 894 01:04:39,125 --> 01:04:40,752 Oh, right. 895 01:04:43,421 --> 01:04:45,423 How's that? Not too bad? 896 01:04:47,425 --> 01:04:49,268 Does he talk in a loud voice all the time? 897 01:04:54,057 --> 01:04:56,059 Even his emails are loud. 898 01:05:02,816 --> 01:05:03,863 Hi. 899 01:05:05,610 --> 01:05:07,578 - Hi. - Can I join you? 900 01:05:07,654 --> 01:05:09,656 Please do. 901 01:05:12,242 --> 01:05:14,244 - It's high up, yes? - Yeah. 902 01:05:14,327 --> 01:05:16,045 It is. 903 01:05:21,334 --> 01:05:23,086 Do you know Paris well? 904 01:05:23,169 --> 01:05:25,388 No. No, not well. 905 01:05:27,799 --> 01:05:30,393 So we have, over there, the Louvre, 906 01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:34,890 la Gare d'Orsay and the Tour Montparnasse over there. 907 01:05:34,973 --> 01:05:37,772 - Mmm-hmm. - Les Invalides. 908 01:05:37,851 --> 01:05:40,695 - L'Assemblée nationale. - Oh, yes. 909 01:05:41,312 --> 01:05:42,564 L'Obelisk. 910 01:05:42,647 --> 01:05:45,366 - You see l'Obelisk? - It's pretty. 911 01:05:49,863 --> 01:05:53,834 I mean, a weekend in Paris. What a drag! 912 01:05:56,077 --> 01:05:58,079 The more out of it I am, the better. 913 01:05:59,038 --> 01:06:01,587 You've obviously never been to Birmingham. 914 01:06:02,125 --> 01:06:04,969 I'd make the most of this city, if I were you. 915 01:06:05,962 --> 01:06:08,681 - That's what my dad says. - He does? 916 01:06:11,885 --> 01:06:14,138 He and I don't really 917 01:06:14,596 --> 01:06:16,394 share that many interests. 918 01:06:16,473 --> 01:06:19,943 That's not unusual. 919 01:06:20,310 --> 01:06:23,610 I mean, he likes the idea of me being around. 920 01:06:25,064 --> 01:06:27,533 He sends me air tickets, 921 01:06:27,609 --> 01:06:31,830 but he really freaks out if we're ever stuck in the same room together. 922 01:06:31,905 --> 01:06:35,409 He feels bad, guilty, I suppose. 923 01:06:36,576 --> 01:06:38,874 He hates being hated. 924 01:06:41,080 --> 01:06:43,082 What about your mum? 925 01:06:43,958 --> 01:06:45,960 She's okay. 926 01:06:46,669 --> 01:06:48,922 She tried to, you know, kill herself. 927 01:06:49,005 --> 01:06:50,723 Oh, fuck! 928 01:06:50,798 --> 01:06:53,176 Yeah, she, like, 929 01:06:53,259 --> 01:06:55,182 threw herself out of a window. 930 01:06:55,261 --> 01:06:57,605 Oh, my God! 931 01:06:57,680 --> 01:07:00,274 Yeah, but she's okay. 932 01:07:00,350 --> 01:07:02,352 She's over that now. 933 01:07:07,023 --> 01:07:08,384 What are you thinking? 934 01:07:08,483 --> 01:07:10,156 Sorry? 935 01:07:10,235 --> 01:07:12,658 What are you thinking at this moment? 936 01:07:20,995 --> 01:07:24,875 The, um, situation of a woman like me. 937 01:07:27,669 --> 01:07:30,923 Boredom, dissatisfaction... 938 01:07:32,924 --> 01:07:34,551 Fury. 939 01:07:35,760 --> 01:07:38,183 And the clock ticking by. 940 01:07:43,810 --> 01:07:46,029 What a great thing. 941 01:07:47,730 --> 01:07:49,403 What? 942 01:07:50,525 --> 01:07:54,155 To be so attuned to your own unhappiness. 943 01:08:01,452 --> 01:08:03,079 Look... 944 01:08:03,162 --> 01:08:05,961 You see La... La Rue de Rivoli? 945 01:08:06,040 --> 01:08:10,511 Around the corner, there is a little bar 946 01:08:10,587 --> 01:08:13,386 where we could have a drink, if you like. 947 01:08:19,637 --> 01:08:21,230 When? 948 01:08:24,100 --> 01:08:26,398 Now, if you like. 949 01:08:50,501 --> 01:08:51,718 What do you do? 950 01:08:52,962 --> 01:08:55,431 - I'm a teacher. - A teacher? 951 01:08:55,506 --> 01:08:57,508 Yes, really. 952 01:09:13,316 --> 01:09:14,863 Jesus! 953 01:09:16,694 --> 01:09:19,868 Is that a fucking monkey I see before me? 954 01:09:34,253 --> 01:09:36,847 Do you know what my problem has been? 955 01:09:42,136 --> 01:09:46,767 I am one of those unfortunate people 956 01:09:46,849 --> 01:09:50,149 who is congenitally faithful to his wife. 957 01:09:53,606 --> 01:09:58,328 Unlike the rest of the population, I don't want to go to bed with strangers. 958 01:09:59,278 --> 01:10:01,531 I only like her. 959 01:10:04,867 --> 01:10:08,337 For me, there's never been sex without an attempt at love. 960 01:10:10,164 --> 01:10:12,132 Uh-huh? 961 01:10:14,168 --> 01:10:16,170 Love is the only interesting thing. 962 01:10:17,922 --> 01:10:21,392 It's far, far more difficult to do than sex. 963 01:10:23,052 --> 01:10:25,396 What is wrong with me? 964 01:10:29,142 --> 01:10:30,485 What's he telling you? 965 01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:34,281 Urn, to be honest, it's difficult to make sense of it. 966 01:10:36,357 --> 01:10:37,904 They want us to eat. 967 01:10:38,359 --> 01:10:39,736 Having a good time? 968 01:10:41,654 --> 01:10:43,452 A man asked me to have a drink with him. 969 01:10:45,158 --> 01:10:47,035 Did he? 970 01:10:47,452 --> 01:10:48,795 What did you say? 971 01:10:51,873 --> 01:10:53,466 I said yes. 972 01:10:57,336 --> 01:10:58,963 When? 973 01:10:59,046 --> 01:11:01,048 Later tonight. 974 01:11:03,426 --> 01:11:05,849 Don't do that. Please don't do that. 975 01:11:08,514 --> 01:11:10,687 I want to go. 976 01:11:19,025 --> 01:11:22,404 Um... Here, you should take these. 977 01:11:22,487 --> 01:11:24,489 You might need them. 978 01:11:25,281 --> 01:11:30,082 We are all here to celebrate the brilliance of this. 979 01:11:30,495 --> 01:11:32,175 Ah! 980 01:11:32,246 --> 01:11:33,919 Bravo! 981 01:11:35,833 --> 01:11:37,801 Bravo! Bravo! 982 01:11:37,877 --> 01:11:39,174 No... 983 01:11:39,253 --> 01:11:44,134 Yeah, which he wrote while working, while running our lives, 984 01:11:44,467 --> 01:11:46,344 attending to me, 985 01:11:46,427 --> 01:11:49,431 buying art and learning Russian. 986 01:11:49,514 --> 01:11:51,482 Yeah, that's true. 987 01:11:51,557 --> 01:11:55,061 Yeah, he has the energy of 100 teenagers. 988 01:11:55,144 --> 01:11:56,646 Yes. 989 01:11:56,729 --> 01:11:59,573 But wait. He's dark. He's moody. 990 01:11:59,649 --> 01:12:01,117 Moody? 991 01:12:01,192 --> 01:12:02,660 Yes. 992 01:12:02,735 --> 01:12:05,454 He talks all the time, all through breakfast. 993 01:12:07,156 --> 01:12:10,080 In fact, he talks even when he's on the toilet. 994 01:12:10,159 --> 01:12:12,537 I'm stunned. That's dessert talk. 995 01:12:13,704 --> 01:12:17,174 Yeah, he has more exes, I think, than Pére-Lachaise. 996 01:12:18,751 --> 01:12:22,631 But I... I agreed to take him on. 997 01:12:23,005 --> 01:12:25,724 Mmm, pourquoi? Pourquoi? 998 01:12:26,175 --> 01:12:27,301 idiocy. 999 01:12:28,386 --> 01:12:29,683 Idiocy? idiocy? 1000 01:12:31,472 --> 01:12:32,473 No, love. 1001 01:12:34,892 --> 01:12:36,565 Yes, love. 1002 01:12:41,065 --> 01:12:42,612 To you, my love. 1003 01:12:43,359 --> 01:12:45,077 To Morgan. 1004 01:12:45,653 --> 01:12:47,326 Cheers. Santé. 1005 01:12:47,405 --> 01:12:50,329 - Santé. Cheers. - Thank you. Thank you. 1006 01:12:51,534 --> 01:12:54,413 Thank you, sweet. Let me say it quick. Let me get this over with. 1007 01:12:54,495 --> 01:12:58,796 Thank you. What have I done to deserve such love, and from my wife of all people? 1008 01:12:59,000 --> 01:13:00,798 Oh, my golly! 1009 01:13:01,460 --> 01:13:02,962 Well, just very quickly, thank you all for coming. 1010 01:13:03,045 --> 01:13:06,219 Those books, by the way, they're gonna be in a box in the hall. 1011 01:13:06,299 --> 01:13:08,802 So on your way out, take five or ten, as many as you want. 1012 01:13:08,885 --> 01:13:12,014 Some are even unsigned. I think that makes them more valuable. 1013 01:13:12,513 --> 01:13:16,768 But may I take this opportunity not to say anything more about that lousy little book, 1014 01:13:16,851 --> 01:13:19,445 which already is, frankly, wildly out of date, 1015 01:13:19,812 --> 01:13:22,406 but about this fella right here? 1016 01:13:23,190 --> 01:13:28,117 Nick Burrows, who I found yesterday, as you do so often with old friends, 1017 01:13:28,195 --> 01:13:30,869 kissing a woman passionately in the street. 1018 01:13:30,948 --> 01:13:32,825 He later claimed that that woman was his wife. 1019 01:13:38,664 --> 01:13:40,416 But, no, you know. 1020 01:13:40,499 --> 01:13:46,427 I'm thinking back right now, uh, on a time when you and I were skulking around 1021 01:13:47,089 --> 01:13:50,810 and loitering in gloomy Cambridge pubs, 1022 01:13:51,093 --> 01:13:53,312 presuming to figure out how to fix the world. 1023 01:13:53,804 --> 01:13:57,354 I made him take me on as his disciple 1024 01:13:57,934 --> 01:14:02,235 and stalked him at meetings and followed him around 1025 01:14:02,647 --> 01:14:06,527 to these little bring-your-own-bottle parties in bedsits 1026 01:14:06,609 --> 01:14:10,159 and grubby little restaurants with names like Eros 1027 01:14:10,237 --> 01:14:12,331 and The Whim. 1028 01:14:12,406 --> 01:14:17,412 He started to shame me into reading real things. 1029 01:14:18,079 --> 01:14:22,050 You made me concentrate for more than five minutes at a time. 1030 01:14:22,375 --> 01:14:26,630 And he made me say true things 1031 01:14:27,338 --> 01:14:33,095 for the first time in my short and well-upholstered Yankee life. 1032 01:14:35,346 --> 01:14:36,598 My gosh. 1033 01:14:37,723 --> 01:14:41,978 I thank you publicly for keeping the torch burning, 1034 01:14:43,187 --> 01:14:47,237 as you have done so magnificently over these years. 1035 01:14:47,817 --> 01:14:52,448 Ladies and gents, may we raise a glass 1036 01:14:52,655 --> 01:14:56,000 to my friend Nick Burrows. 1037 01:14:56,951 --> 01:14:58,248 Thank you, Nick. 1038 01:14:58,327 --> 01:15:00,125 To Nick Burrows. 1039 01:15:00,204 --> 01:15:01,922 Santé. 1040 01:15:02,456 --> 01:15:05,335 Thank you, my friend. 1041 01:15:07,837 --> 01:15:10,056 Fuck. 1042 01:15:11,966 --> 01:15:13,639 Shit... Um... 1043 01:15:15,344 --> 01:15:16,971 Fucking hell. 1044 01:15:17,304 --> 01:15:19,557 Thank you for that, Morgan. 1045 01:15:21,267 --> 01:15:23,269 I'm grateful for what you said. 1046 01:15:23,936 --> 01:15:25,233 Um... 1047 01:15:27,440 --> 01:15:30,944 I'm surprised, too, and taken aback, quite far back. 1048 01:15:32,236 --> 01:15:33,658 But I was reminded of something. 1049 01:15:36,699 --> 01:15:38,292 Of myself. 1050 01:15:41,078 --> 01:15:43,501 Of the self 1051 01:15:43,581 --> 01:15:45,800 I hide in myself. 1052 01:15:49,128 --> 01:15:52,223 I'm still an anarchist of the left, I suppose. 1053 01:15:53,132 --> 01:15:54,850 I'm still a fool for the truth. 1054 01:15:55,593 --> 01:15:57,812 Always my weak point. 1055 01:15:59,513 --> 01:16:02,733 So I suppose I should, on that basis, point out 1056 01:16:03,059 --> 01:16:06,063 that the university where I teach is not a proper university, 1057 01:16:06,145 --> 01:16:11,493 but it's an ex-polytechnic, which is now a factory on the outskirts of Birmingham, 1058 01:16:12,651 --> 01:16:16,246 set up to produce only idiocy. 1059 01:16:19,450 --> 01:16:22,545 I should point out that I have just been sacked 1060 01:16:22,870 --> 01:16:28,673 for apparently speaking inappropriately to a female black student. 1061 01:16:31,087 --> 01:16:36,810 My older son is a pot-head with rats in the house that we bought for him 1062 01:16:37,176 --> 01:16:39,395 with the last of our savings. 1063 01:16:40,554 --> 01:16:43,774 His chosen profession is to watch television in the afternoons. 1064 01:16:44,975 --> 01:16:45,976 I'm broke. 1065 01:16:47,311 --> 01:16:50,315 Every bone and muscle in my body screams with agony 1066 01:16:50,397 --> 01:16:52,399 when I attempt to tie my shoelaces. 1067 01:16:55,528 --> 01:16:59,829 I'm near shitting myself with fear and anxiety every moment of the day. 1068 01:17:07,998 --> 01:17:11,047 Plus the fact my wife is well aware 1069 01:17:11,127 --> 01:17:16,805 that I only cling to her like a drowning man to a shelf of melting ice 1070 01:17:18,509 --> 01:17:20,603 because no one else would touch me. 1071 01:17:23,848 --> 01:17:26,772 She's planning, in fact, to give me the slip later this evening 1072 01:17:26,851 --> 01:17:29,024 in order to be with another man. Well, good for her. 1073 01:17:29,854 --> 01:17:31,481 And good for him, too. 1074 01:17:32,356 --> 01:17:36,953 So think of me as falling out of a window... 1075 01:17:39,572 --> 01:17:41,165 Forever. 1076 01:17:43,617 --> 01:17:45,915 For I am truly fucked. 1077 01:17:57,840 --> 01:18:01,014 Oh, man, that was awesome. 1078 01:18:09,435 --> 01:18:11,733 Is that it? Did I leave anything out? 1079 01:18:19,320 --> 01:18:20,788 Can I say something, please? 1080 01:18:21,238 --> 01:18:23,240 Go ahead, please. 1081 01:18:25,534 --> 01:18:28,629 I was on the balcony just now talking to Jean-Pierre. 1082 01:18:32,041 --> 01:18:35,215 I remembered something from the other day, 1083 01:18:36,045 --> 01:18:39,470 when I was with a friend. 1084 01:18:40,382 --> 01:18:42,384 And my phone rang. 1085 01:18:45,137 --> 01:18:46,639 And, um. 1086 01:18:46,722 --> 01:18:50,397 I spoke with the person. 1087 01:18:51,310 --> 01:18:54,655 And at the end of the call, she said, 1088 01:18:55,814 --> 01:18:57,566 "Who was that? 1089 01:18:58,609 --> 01:18:59,952 "Was it your secret lover? 1090 01:19:02,363 --> 01:19:04,957 "You sounded so pleased to hear from them, 1091 01:19:07,034 --> 01:19:08,377 "and you kept laughing." 1092 01:19:11,872 --> 01:19:14,341 I was astonished. I said, 1093 01:19:14,541 --> 01:19:16,543 "What do you mean? 1094 01:19:17,336 --> 01:19:19,338 "It was my husband." 1095 01:19:25,052 --> 01:19:27,054 it was my husband. 1096 01:19:36,021 --> 01:19:38,023 Nick? 1097 01:19:38,732 --> 01:19:40,734 Are you guys... Oh, are you... 1098 01:19:40,943 --> 01:19:42,195 Are you heading out? 1099 01:19:42,278 --> 01:19:45,498 That was genius. Genius, as always. 1100 01:19:46,323 --> 01:19:49,327 Gee, I wish you didn't have to rush away. 1101 01:19:49,410 --> 01:19:52,835 I'm so sorry if I... Did I say something possibly... 1102 01:19:53,580 --> 01:19:55,833 How long are you guys gonna be here for? 1103 01:19:56,000 --> 01:19:59,846 Because I know you said the weekend, but I don't know specifically. 1104 01:20:00,587 --> 01:20:02,305 Do you still have my number? 1105 01:20:02,381 --> 01:20:04,725 Did you transfer, uh... 1106 01:20:05,884 --> 01:20:09,354 'Cause you can text me. We don't even have to speak. 1107 01:20:12,599 --> 01:20:14,522 I love you! 1108 01:20:24,570 --> 01:20:26,572 You fucking idiot. 1109 01:20:27,531 --> 01:20:29,374 You genius. 1110 01:20:29,450 --> 01:20:31,452 How could you do that? 1111 01:20:33,162 --> 01:20:35,631 Talent. 1112 01:20:35,706 --> 01:20:38,129 I nearly... 1113 01:20:38,208 --> 01:20:39,755 Puked. 1114 01:20:40,210 --> 01:20:41,678 Thank you. 1115 01:20:44,923 --> 01:20:45,924 You know what? 1116 01:20:47,343 --> 01:20:51,894 The other day at that dinner at Ellie's, 1117 01:20:51,972 --> 01:20:54,191 you did this thing. 1118 01:20:54,975 --> 01:21:00,027 You came over and you kissed me on the side of the head. 1119 01:21:01,732 --> 01:21:03,575 Just casually. 1120 01:21:04,902 --> 01:21:07,246 But I thought it was the loveliest thing. 1121 01:21:07,571 --> 01:21:10,040 Thanks. 1122 01:21:12,826 --> 01:21:14,453 Now. 1123 01:21:14,536 --> 01:21:16,789 Again, do it again. 1124 01:21:42,648 --> 01:21:44,742 Time to pack, I guess. 1125 01:21:45,359 --> 01:21:48,033 French stairs, my abiding memory. 1126 01:21:48,821 --> 01:21:50,789 You can get the lift. 1127 01:21:57,079 --> 01:21:58,877 - What's going on? - Madame, I'm sorry. 1128 01:21:58,956 --> 01:22:01,076 We have instructions to refuse you entry to this room. 1129 01:22:01,083 --> 01:22:03,836 - You've been checked out. - Why? It's not midday. 1130 01:22:05,671 --> 01:22:08,720 You are forbidden to touch anything in here. Again, I apologise. 1131 01:22:08,799 --> 01:22:11,427 Please, give me that hat, ma'am. Come on, give it to me. 1132 01:22:11,510 --> 01:22:14,764 - It's an outrage! It's ridiculous! - Give it to me. Come on. 1133 01:22:14,847 --> 01:22:16,770 - Ha ha! - Wahey! 1134 01:22:18,767 --> 01:22:20,110 Come on! 1135 01:22:20,185 --> 01:22:21,528 Quickly! 1136 01:22:23,313 --> 01:22:24,940 Pardon. 1137 01:22:32,197 --> 01:22:34,165 Pardon, monsieur. Pardon, pardon. 1138 01:22:34,241 --> 01:22:35,788 Excusez-moi. 1139 01:22:35,868 --> 01:22:37,620 Merci, merci. 1140 01:22:39,746 --> 01:22:41,123 Pardon. 1141 01:22:42,040 --> 01:22:43,792 Pardon, monsieur. 1142 01:22:44,084 --> 01:22:46,086 Excusez-moi, pardon, pardon. 1143 01:22:47,129 --> 01:22:48,972 Excusez-moi. Merci. 1144 01:22:52,759 --> 01:22:54,853 Ah, Mr and Mrs Burrows. 1145 01:22:54,928 --> 01:22:58,307 Please accept my deepest apology for our little difficulty. 1146 01:22:58,390 --> 01:23:01,610 But I'm sure we can sort everything out very quickly. 1147 01:23:02,561 --> 01:23:04,734 - Will you please follow me? - Yeah. 1148 01:23:07,608 --> 01:23:10,031 Of course, we have your passports in our safe. 1149 01:23:10,110 --> 01:23:11,236 But why? 1150 01:23:11,320 --> 01:23:14,119 The credit card you gave us is beyond its limit. 1151 01:23:14,198 --> 01:23:16,417 See... Here's the bill. 1152 01:23:17,242 --> 01:23:18,915 Right. 1153 01:23:20,621 --> 01:23:22,123 Mmm-hmm. 1154 01:23:23,999 --> 01:23:26,343 Oh, yes, that's, um... 1155 01:23:26,418 --> 01:23:28,762 Yes, that is quite a lot of money. 1156 01:23:28,837 --> 01:23:32,933 Yeah. There is also the matter, I fear, of the damage to the room. 1157 01:23:33,008 --> 01:23:34,806 - There is? - Yes. 1158 01:23:35,093 --> 01:23:36,345 Plus the tax, of course. 1159 01:23:37,095 --> 01:23:40,190 - It looks like we got carried away. - Oh? 1160 01:23:41,141 --> 01:23:43,360 - It was worth it. - Yeah. 1161 01:23:43,435 --> 01:23:45,984 Mr Burrows, you have another carol? 1162 01:23:47,606 --> 01:23:49,233 Only my bus pass, I'm afraid. 1163 01:23:49,399 --> 01:23:52,403 And how do you intend to pay? 1164 01:23:54,446 --> 01:23:56,869 With our lives? 1165 01:23:57,658 --> 01:24:00,207 Unfortunately, it's no longer a matter of laughing, madam. 1166 01:24:01,036 --> 01:24:03,164 In fact, it's a very serious matter indeed. 1167 01:24:03,664 --> 01:24:05,587 - A very serious matter. - Yeah. 1168 01:24:05,666 --> 01:24:07,509 I'm not listening to any more of this. 1169 01:24:25,143 --> 01:24:27,111 That's me bust. 1170 01:24:34,361 --> 01:24:36,580 - What are you doing? - Texting Morgan. 1171 01:24:38,073 --> 01:24:39,325 Why? 1172 01:24:39,408 --> 01:24:41,126 He's our only hope, isn't he? 1173 01:24:41,201 --> 01:24:42,953 Oh, shit. 1174 01:24:43,036 --> 01:24:45,209 - Hi, Jack. - Hey, Dad. Having a lovely time? 1175 01:24:45,289 --> 01:24:47,883 - We're having a fine time. - Making friends with many frogs? 1176 01:24:47,958 --> 01:24:50,711 No, we haven't met any French people yet, no. 1177 01:24:50,794 --> 01:24:52,137 Have you come to a decision? 1178 01:24:52,212 --> 01:24:53,885 Well, yes and no. 1179 01:24:53,964 --> 01:24:55,807 Your mother says it wouldn't be a good idea 1180 01:24:55,882 --> 01:24:57,759 for you to move back in with us. 1181 01:24:57,843 --> 01:25:00,221 You'll be better off staying with a mate. 1182 01:25:01,346 --> 01:25:02,814 Yeah. 1183 01:25:02,889 --> 01:25:05,392 Yeah, we're enjoying being on our own now. 1184 01:25:06,643 --> 01:25:08,941 Well, we hope to be back soon. 1185 01:25:09,187 --> 01:25:11,565 - But you do realise... - No, sorry. 1186 01:25:11,648 --> 01:25:12,945 Sorry. 1187 01:25:13,025 --> 01:25:14,993 Hello? Hello? 1188 01:25:15,068 --> 01:25:17,287 - Are you there? Can you hear me? - Hello? 1189 01:25:17,362 --> 01:25:19,706 - Hello? Hello? - Dad? 1190 01:25:21,325 --> 01:25:23,043 We got cut off. 1191 01:25:36,298 --> 01:25:38,016 Yes! 1192 01:25:38,091 --> 01:25:39,638 What? 1193 01:25:44,222 --> 01:25:46,600 I said you had the euros. 1194 01:25:51,104 --> 01:25:53,198 - Voilà, monsieur. - Merci. 1195 01:25:56,276 --> 01:25:59,496 We can't do a runner from this place, we'd get beaten to death. 1196 01:26:02,282 --> 01:26:04,284 It's been the best time. 1197 01:26:07,371 --> 01:26:09,373 The best. 1198 01:26:59,589 --> 01:27:00,966 Oh! 1199 01:27:01,508 --> 01:27:04,808 Oh, my God, are you kidding? My pleasure! 1200 01:27:04,886 --> 01:27:06,854 What... What's happening? 1201 01:27:06,930 --> 01:27:09,774 Well, we've had... A couple of little problems. 1202 01:27:09,850 --> 01:27:12,399 - Really? Like what? - Well... 1203 01:27:12,477 --> 01:27:16,823 You guys have just been having like a great, great time. 1204 01:27:16,898 --> 01:27:18,616 We certainly have. 1205 01:27:18,692 --> 01:27:20,035 I guess you have. 1206 01:27:21,528 --> 01:27:24,782 I think you'd better stay at my place till you sort yourself out, 1207 01:27:24,865 --> 01:27:26,663 which could take a while. 1208 01:27:26,742 --> 01:27:29,211 - Thanks, that's kind. - Yes, yes, my pleasure. 1209 01:27:29,286 --> 01:27:33,291 I'll get some food and we'll have a great evening in. 1210 01:27:34,332 --> 01:27:39,088 Do you like that idea? We'll play music and dance. 1211 01:27:39,171 --> 01:27:41,799 Yeah. Would you like to sing, by any chance? 1212 01:27:41,882 --> 01:27:44,510 - I'd love to sing. - I'd love to hear you sing. 86138