Original subtitles

Sir, what can I help you with?

Do you know what time I was supposed to leave this shithole?

Do you have any idea?

I'm not like you.

I've got places to be and a buck to turn.

Sir, I've already told you your train is going to be late.

Jeez, you heard of that big wreck?

Hell, be happy you weren't on that train. When they get it cleaned up,

come and get you.

This is unacceptable.

I have been told they're going to give you a complete refund of your ticket

money. Now just sit over there with the others and be patient.

Remember, patience is a virtue.

Is that religious?

Do you realize you can be fired for bringing up religion in the workplace?

But then again, who else are they going to get to jockey a desk at eight bucks

an hour?

Oh, you got the bad news too, huh?

I was hoping to be home tonight, but I guess that's not going to happen.

No, I guess it's not.

I heard 200 people died in that wreck.

I guess we should count our blessings.

I'm Janice.

I'm Mike. Nice to meet you.

You too. You said that 200 people died?

That is so tragic.

Yeah, I think we're going to be here tonight. I went to use the desk phone to

call a hotel, but all the phones are dead.

Self -service, too.

And these seats aren't the most comfortable in the world. Not going to

a good night's sleep.

Well, I'm not too picky. I'm just happy to have a roof over my head.

You were homeless?

You betcha. I did the whole starving artist thing, but wasn't really a big

of the starving part, and now I'm running with my tail between my legs.

It's kind of a humbling experience. My dad actually paid for my train ticket.

How pathetic is that?

Not pathetic at all.

Not too many people have the guts to take a leap of faith.

Those are successes, even if you fail.

You don't think so, sir?

You know, we tried to have a conversation with you, and you ignored

now you want to make your little gestures?

That's rude.

Rude? What about headphone girl over there?

Did I miss anything?

Judging by that outfit, you're missing a lot, young lady.

Go fuck yourself.

Um, so...

I'm Mike.

Dad's Janice. And this guy right here, I don't really know his name, but he's

not in a good mood. My name is Douglas.

Douglas Atkins.

And I don't have a daddy to pay my way.

Time is money, and I can't afford to be stuck here.

If I'm coming off as rude, I apologize.

But I see children as our future. And looking at the two of you, I have high

doubts about humanity's chances.

Young lady, you don't expect to get a job of any consequence with an outfit

that, do you? I don't need to conform to your expectations or anyone else's.

I don't need to get a job that's going to impress you. You have a lot of nerve

to judge me.

I'm trying to help you.

What is it that you do, Mr. Atkins?

I was a plant manager at a very successful chemical plant.

But as luck...

And the economy would have it and move to China.

I wasn't willing to relocate.

Not that they asked me.

So, I'm going to interview for a plant manager job in upstate New York.

And now I'm going to be late.

You can never, ever be late for an interview. It's the kiss of death.

I think they'll understand your situation.

I sincerely doubt it.

Did they give you a severance package? They gave me a royal kick in the balls.

After 25 years with the company, I've got nothing. Trying to find a job at 55?

Let's just say I'm not in high demand.

You're no spring chicken. I know you know what I'm speaking of.

No, I really don't. I've been a teacher for the past 20 years.

What subject do you teach?

English to 9th graders.

My students are teens with that light in their eyes.

Every once in a while you can have a positive impact that will be life

for them and for me.

It's a great job.

So what do you do?

Lacey. My name is Lacey.

And I do whatever I can.

Which means nothing.

You collect a check, right?

Let me guess, bipolar, ADHD?

I don't collect a check. I actually work.

I just don't stay in one spot for very long.

I do whatever's open, and that includes asking for a helping hand.

When I get to the point where I can help those in need, I will.

But until then, I'll remain one in need.

Sickening. That means you're one of those people that stands off at the

off -ramps begging for money.

There's plenty of jobs out there, young lady. You don't need to beg from those

who have a job.

I have worked every job you can imagine. And do you know what they all have in

common? They all paid shit. If you lock yourself down to $8 an hour living,

you'll live that way forever.

That's why I panhandle, pal.

I've made money with it, and I've saved, and I bought this ticket to New York

City. I'm going to see what I can do there. To New York City?

They will eat up a little girl like you. Go home to mom and dad.

Go to college. Get a career.

I'm on my own, Mr. Atkins.

My mom and dad were junkies.

And my foster father, well, he tried to be a little bit too touchy -touchy.

So away I went, and here I am. So you're here for a job in the city. You're here

for a job upstate. What about you, Janice? What brings you out here?

You're going to laugh.

I'm actually going on a blind date. Well, it's not really a blind date.

talked on the phone and on the computer.

But this will be the first time that we sit down for a face -to -face.

But you're hot. Why do you need a dating site?

I can find a guy, but I need somebody that's stable and has a career. I've

picking through a pool of garbage.

The last guy I dated lived with his mom.

Yeah, not much for men in my neck of the woods.

I'm afraid I have some bad news for you all.

They're expecting a crane to come in, but it won't be here until the morning.

I'm afraid you're stuck.

How could they call you if the phones were all down?

One of the boys stopped by to tell me, young man, don't take your aggravations

out on me.

The phone lines are still down. Is he still here?

Do you think he could drive me or any of us to a hotel or something?

No, I'm afraid not. He has to go directly back to the crash site. I'm

So, what are we supposed to do now?

Well, it's not the end of the world, sir. It's only for one night, and

vending machine the next room over.

Don't kill the messenger.

So, it looks like we're stuck with each other tonight, whether we like it or

not. Our night's plans?

Conversation and vending machine food.

This is ridiculous.

Well, since I have a captive audience here, there's been something that's

bugging me.

I had a dream last night. Well, actually, it was more of a nightmare.

And it's just been really, really bothering me.

So weird. I had a nightmare last night, too.

Great. This could be fun. It could be like campfire stories.

This is stupid.

Dude, look, if you're not interested, don't listen. Just throw it out in your

little newspaper world.

Honestly, though, how many times can you read that before you get bored with it?

Name is Douglas, not dude.

Okay, so, I was at my apartment.

And I was on this dating site.

Relax, it's just a blind date.

We've seen each other, therefore it's not really a blind date.

Yeah, but you've never met.

I saw this program once where there were these scammers that used other people's

pictures to try to trick them.

Well, that's not the case here. We video chatted, so unless he's using somebody

else's face, I don't think he's a scammer.

Can I ask you something?

You've never asked permission before, so why start now?

Ask away, Steph. Why are you driving two hours to see this guy?

You're attractive.

You have a great job.

You're as funny as shit.

I mean, can't you find a local guy? Oh, I've found local guys. Remember Buddy?

Lives with his mom and dad, 45 years old. The sad thing is, I actually gave

a shot.

And then there was your friend.

The one that told me I tanned well.

First thing out of his mouth.

So... I've been striking out here.

I'm done with this area.

What's so special about this Bob guy?

I don't know.

We just click.

He's had a bad run. I've had a bad run.

I just have a good feeling about him.

Make sure he wears a rubber. You never know what people have these days.

You've got issues.

Why does everything have to turn into something sexual with you? Hey, I'm just

looking after your best... In truth, the last thing I want is for you to come

back here scratching your crotch.

I like this place.

My mother used to take me here.

Wow, that sounds pretty lame.

But my mom used to bring me here when I was a kid and, well, memories are still

alive and well here.

Your mom passed away?

Yeah, she had dementia and...

She had it really bad, and she couldn't remember anybody, including me, and I

couldn't handle that.

She began roaming the neighborhoods, and eventually I had to send her to a

specialist.

It was top dollar, and I wasn't too impressed in how they were treating her.

My dad, it was the same thing.

It's a terrible disease.

Look, I didn't mean to bring this conversation into something depressing.

No, no. I'm the one who brought it up.

I shouldn't have.

I'm just really, really nervous.

Why?

Well, when we spoke on the phone and online, there was like a wall there.

I felt secure.

But being here, face to face, it's just a little surreal.

I'm usually much better at conversation.

What are you talking about? You're great.

I'm a bundle of nerves over here.

I haven't been on a date in over four years.

My wife left me.

I lost my job at the time.

I thought I'd be alone forever.

I became a hermit for a little while.

But then I began poking around the internet and I found you.

So I'm your first internet date?

Yeah, and I was actually tempted to back out of this.

I'm glad you didn't.

Me too.

So do you like the wine?

It's great.

I actually make wine.

I have a wine cellar.

It's a little hobby of mine.

Something to clear the head.

I find it quite relaxing.

That sounds really nice.

You'll have to invite me over sometime for a glass.

Well, what about tonight?

Tonight?

I'm not sure if that's such a good idea. Look, I haven't had the touch of a

woman in over four years.

And I probably wouldn't know what to do if you just threw yourself at me.

This is just a mere invite to come over, drink some wine, and sleep in the guest

room.

You've had a long drive and you have a long drive back.

This wine's all I have and I got nobody to share it with.

Well, how can I refuse that?

This is great.

So you're a teacher, huh?

That must be pretty nerve -wracking.

Not really.

It's the most rewarding thing in my life.

It just really can consume you. It becomes your life.

It makes having a relationship very difficult, which is why I don't blame my

100 % for our failed go at it.

More around 90 % would be more accurate.

Well, we as people, we're always growing, and you either grow apart or

together.

My ex -wife and I, we just grew apart.

It got to the point where we didn't even know each other.

It was the means to an end, really.

She did me a favor.

What was that?

Ah, this old house.

It's constantly making noises.

Try sleeping here by yourself.

I sometimes have to hide under the blanket.

I gotta take this. I'll be right back.

Hello?

I can't. I have company.

Okay. Okay, I'll be right over.

That was Greg at the office.

I gotta run real quickly. I sent him some files and they got encrypted, but

be right back.

Just make yourself at home.

And I'll find the one.

3, 2, 1.

2, 1, 2, 3.

Each day to the next, to the next, to the next.

Just counting forward, not to an end.

Oh, each day to the next, to the next, to the next.

Hey, Steph.

Well, I'm at his house now.

I don't know.

I went on his dating profile, and it looks like he's been talking to a lot of

other girls.

I'm just going to take it slow and see how it plays out.

I'll be home sometime tomorrow.

Okay. Bye.

I ran out. I tried to go into your wine cellar, but it was locked up tight.

Yeah. I got nephews, and bottles started coming up missing.

Sorry about that.

So how did your work thing go?

Same old, same old.

It took me longer to get there than actually get the job done.

Can I ask you something?

Of course.

Well, I kind of snooped and I saw your profile on your computer.

I'm sorry I did that.

But you said I was the first girl you dated?

You are.

Janice, I'm sorry. I've talked to other females, but that's all I've done.

Once I met you, I...

Cut a bunch of them off, and I deleted some, and they weren't happy about that.

Obviously, some have lingered, but I could assure you, Janice, I'm a one

man. You got nothing to worry about.

I am so sorry.

I feel like such an ass.

I shouldn't have been so intrusive.

Don't apologize.

You're in new surroundings.

I would have done the same thing.

Would you mind if I slept on this couch? It's really comfortable.

Absolutely.

Maybe in the morning we could get breakfast?

I'd like that.

I do have something I want to say, though.

This may sound silly, but... I think there's paranormal activity happening in

this house.

I sometimes see things or hear things that I can't really explain.

It's haunted?

You believe in hauntings? I believe in ghosts.

When I was in college, I was part of the ghost hunting team, and it was pretty

neat. Well, I guess you won't get scared of anything that goes bump in the

night.

But if you really get scared, I could sleep in that recliner.

I'll be fine. I'm a big girl.

I'll be upstairs if you need me.

Good night, Bob. Good night.

And I just want to say that tonight's been one of the best nights I've had in

recent memories, and I really hope we can do it again.

You can count on it.

Hello?

Bob?

Bob?

My son is such a wimp.

He always wants to let you whores go.

Janice, this isn't what it looks like. Please, let me explain.

I don't give a fuck what it is. I'm leaving and I'm calling the cops.

Ooh, what a nasty mouth.

It'll be a pleasure to slice those lips off your face.

Listen to me. I love you.

We belong together.

And I know you know we belong together.

You're sick.

Your whole family is sick. No, listen to me.

You love me, and I love you.

We're gonna make this work.

I love you.

I do.

I love you.

I am sick of you horse -racking my son! But mom, I love her!

We gotta go. Let's go.

What? Why?

I was playing on the road, but we have to go now.

Oh, you're so afraid of commitment. You're gonna die alone, my friend. Get

from the door!

Whores! You're all whores! And all whores must die!

You're not gonna corrupt my son, you fucking slut!

They say if you die in your dream, that you die in real life, right?

Well, I died in my dream, and here I am.

It was so scary. It just felt like it really happened, but it couldn't have.

I mean, I'm still here.

What's so funny?

It's just amusing.

I have this worthless niece. She's into all this psychic, new age, dream meaning

bullshit. She'd get a thrill out of listening to this shit and analyzing it.

You know what your dream means, Janet?

It means nothing.

But if it does mean nothing, so what?

This world is full of dreamers. Too many of them.

I worry about the next generation.

Everything starts with a dream, Mr. Atkins.

Everything. If you can dream it, you can do it.

And when are you going back with your mom and dad? The American dream.

You've ruined it.

I wonder what you'd be like if you had a job, Mr. Atkins.

I wonder.

You're no different than the younger generations at this point.

You're mad at the world.

Mad? No.

Disappointed. I've scraped my entire life to establish myself.

And they pull it out from under me without a care, without a thought.

But don't worry about me.

I'll be okay.

Well, what'd you dream about, Lacey?

Well, although Mr. Newspaper doesn't approve, I panhandle.

It's a new level of freedom.

You get a better grasp on the world when you see it from that perspective.

I've seen the best and the worst in people.

I've been yelled at and spat on, but I've also been given food and money to

survive.

It's a great social experience.

But why New York City?

I would think that it would be much more difficult to be there jobless.

I mean, there's so many homeless people lying on the streets and begging for

money.

Why would you go there?

I plan to work when I get there.

The panhandling's one thing, but I've heard there's soup kitchens and

and if you give them your time, they'll give you food and a place to stay, and

that's good enough for me.

Good enough?

I'm going to say this because I have to say this.

You're lazy.

Since when is good enough and good enough? You've obviously got a good head

your shoulders.

Why would you waste your time in a soup kitchen? How is working in a soup

kitchen a waste? Doesn't seem like a waste to me.

Says a kid who can't make it on his own, what, are you trying to cement your

free soup for the rest of your life? You know, Mom and Dad aren't going to be

around forever.

Anything constructive?

Yeah, if you listen to my words. But if you just want to sit around and tell

fairy tales about helping the impoverished, then I don't want any part

Idiots.

Anyways, this dream sort of followed reality.

I was panhandling outside of the store, and everything seemed pretty normal.

But then it got really strange.

Thank you. God bless.

Didn't I tell you I didn't want you here? Now get your shit together and get

hell out of here before I call the cops. I'm not doing anything.

Look, I don't want a debate.

Don't you understand English? Get this shit out of your ears. This is my shop,

you little bitch.

Now get going.

Fine, whatever.

I'm leaving.

You know, it's a shame that I have to leave so early.

I mean, we both could have benefited.

How am I supposed to benefit from a person like you?

Well, it looks like I almost have enough to buy a chocolate cake.

And by the looks of you, you must love chocolate cake a lot.

Go. Get going.

Get going!

Hi, can I help you?

Yeah, I'd like one coffee, please.

Black. Okay, anything else?

No, coffee will do.

folksy for a suit.

People take you more seriously in a suit.

I tried the whole shorts and flip -flops thing, but it wasn't working for me.

What are you reading?

Just some philosophy.

Different takes on this world.

Big question. Why are we here?

Really? That sort of feeds into what I do.

You're a Jehovah's Witness, huh?

Let me save you this time. I'm not religious, and I don't believe in the

invisible, magical man in the sky.

So, you're not open to...

Other ideas.

My hallway's open. I just have a bullshit detector, mister.

The name's Jason Miles.

And I'm far too young to be called mister.

Call me Jason, please.

Okay, Jason. What's your game?

My game is the oldest game in the book.

You're a hooker?

No, I'm not a hooker.

I've been entertaining the idea, but I'm very concerned about disease.

That's a joke?

Apparently not a very good one.

No, it's all right.

Why are you here?

So many people look at this world as such a cut -and -dry place, and the end

result is merely to get by.

But what kind of living is that? There's no enlightenment.

There's only chasing the almighty dollar and paying the electric bill.

I see the drones going to work 40, 50, 60 hours a week, rest up on the

then do it all again.

It's an infinite cycle of madness.

But then, then there are people like you.

People like me?

I don't consider myself better than anyone else. I really don't.

It's not a question of better.

I'm talking about being more in tune.

You see, you don't pick your destiny.

Your destiny picks you.

And you realize you were not meant for this glorified slave work.

You were meant for more.

I knew it the moment I saw you.

You glow.

I like people who shine.

The more light I have around me, the happier I am.

Look, I appreciate the compliments and all.

I'm not looking for a boyfriend.

I'm sort of a wreck right now, and I really need to sort myself out. What if

told you I have a connection to another world?

I know why you're here.

I knew I would find you here.

I know why you keep this invisible wall around you and why you won't let anybody

in. Look, I've seen cold readers before. You're not going to dupe me.

The young lady wants proof.

So when I tell you your lucky number is seven, you won't be impressed.

I don't blame you.

How about this?

When you were seven, your father died.

And that's when he came into your life.

The man who sent you into the spiral of uncertainty.

How's that for a test?

How did you know that?

The other side.

People wonder why a great force would confide in some people and not in

I wonder the same thing.

Thankfully, I am in tune, and I know all about you.

I know what that deviant did, and I know you've been running ever since.

You deserve better.

You deserve more.

Okay, if you're so in tune with this other side, then tell me, what's my

stepfather's name? I bet you can't.

Edward.

And your mother's name is Nancy.

That philosophy book you're reading isn't what you truly enjoy, but you

in a dumpster two weeks ago, and it's better than nothing.

And you have a great big empty spot in your heart, and you wonder why this

has treated you so poorly.

I'm here to tell you that struggling ends now.

How?

I've started a small community.

I want to awaken this world to what's really going on, to its true evil.

This wicked chase for a buck that these mindless robots do every single day of

their meaningless lives.

Deep in your soul, you want to help humanity.

Here's your shot.

What do I have to do?

Tonight, we have a meeting.

If you're so compelled, come.

If not, I'll know your answer and never bother you again.

Maybe I'll see you tonight.

You must be Lacey.

I'm Brittany.

Welcome.

Welcome.

Oh, this is Wendy.

Hello. You are so beautiful.

Thank you.

Is this really it? I thought I'd be walking into a full house.

This is an exclusive club. It's not an open group.

If Jason didn't pick you, you wouldn't be here, and he's incredibly selective.

You made it.

I knew you would.

This is a momentous occasion.

Tonight, our guest of honor is Lacey Adams.

Lacey, welcome to our community.

And welcome to the new world order.

Now I know that term is thrown around by many, but we represent the new world.

And soon our kind will consume it.

Each one of you has been an outcast from this sewer of a society.

But together we find harmony.

Together we will no longer allow these people to dictate to us what is the

Lacey, are you ready to break away from these soulless masses and find a life of

meaning?

Yeah, I guess.

That is not the answer I seek.

You either do or you don't.

There is no guessing here.

Yes, I do.

Good.

Bring out the swine.

Lacey, I know you recognize this fat tub of shit.

What is this?

This is what must be.

The crime against you is not the only wrong Mr. Peterson has done.

Isn't that right, pig?

I didn't do anything.

Let me go, you crazy son of a bitch!

Jason, I don't want to do this.

Forget the norm.

Forget the laws made by swine like this to protect swine like him.

Oh, Peterson.

I think our Lacey needs a little extra convincing.

I know.

Why don't you tell her about the time your daughter's friend Vanessa slept

Tell her what happened.

I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't do anything.

Oh, can't cut your tongue.

He's just like your stepfather.

Do you think he'll ever see any punishment?

That punishment is now.

Go ahead.

Ask him what happened.

Let me go.

Let nothing happen. Let me go. She killed herself.

Because this pig couldn't keep his small dick inside his pants.

Grab the blade, Lacey.

Remember. No.

No, no.

Grab the blade, Lacey.

No

What's wrong? You seem depressed.

This is what we're doing. Can't you see that it's wrong?

It's never been more right.

You're breaking the mindset, this brainwashing that society has placed

There must be justice.

There must be payment for debts owed.

Why must we be the executioner? It may not be pretty, but in order to save

millions, thousands may have to die.

Jason knows what we need.

And I trust him.

You need to have some faith in him, too.

I don't know, Brittany.

I don't think I can do this anymore.

This isn't for me.

No.

Not anymore.

No more death.

Lacey.

I thought we had an understanding.

Jason.

I'm out.

I won't tell anyone, but I can't do this anymore.

Would you like to know her crime?

I'm not interested.

Let her go.

Lacey.

You have made quite the decision.

Your good deed comes at a great cost.

That woman you set free will kill many at an abortion clinic tomorrow.

She's done it before and she will do it again.

The future must be the future and we can't be the judges.

Only God can judge.

At least hit the snooze button a few too many times because bad things are going

on down here.

Lacey.

I thought you understood.

I thought you wanted change.

Not like this.

I'm leaving.

Don't try to stop me.

Forgive me, Father, for I have committed an unforgivable sin.

I took life.

My child, your soul is still pure because you know what you did was wrong.

Now, we've all sinned before, and sin is sin.

But those people are in a better place now.

Though you still must go do the right thing.

I know.

I'm going to turn myself in.

Excellent. And I'll always be here for you.

In fact, I'll even come visit.

Can I have a hug?

Or is that wrong or weird or something?

A hug is never wrong.

Lacey, Lacey, Lacey.

We had such high hopes for you.

And then you come here.

And I thought you said you didn't believe in any religion.

Well, the greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world he

didn't exist.

It was the strangest thing.

I've never had a dream like that before.

This morning, I swear I saw Jason at the station.

But I didn't have the guts to approach him.

I swear.

It was him.

Wow. So how do you explain it?

She saw some guy that looked like her dream lover, and she connected the dots.

It makes for a better story.

Women love drama.

That's not true. I think all people, male and female, love a good story.

They didn't make soap operas for men. They made it for fat housewives.

So, what dream has shaken you?

None. I don't get shaken, especially by dreams.

We all dream, and I know you dream.

And judging by your charming personality, I'm guessing you may have a

one every once in a while.

Let Mama's boy go next, and then maybe I'll play along.

Why do you feel the need to insult everyone?

You need a thicker skin, young lady.

When I clawed my way to the top, they didn't have cop -outs like manic

-depressive, bipolar, or any other bullshit excuses to collect a check from

hard -working individual like me.

We were a tough nation. You see what happens to us when they cut our balls

Like, there's towelheads that fly airplanes into our buildings.

You don't actually believe the official story, Doug, do you?

It's bullshit, and you know it. My name is Douglas, not Doug.

Nobody calls me Doug.

And yeah, I do believe.

What are you, one of those truthers?

You think they remote -controlled airplanes into those buildings?

Amazing how dismissive you are about any alternative information that makes more

sense than some religious nuts hijacking a plane.

Explain Building 7, Douglas.

Explain Building 7. How'd that collapse?

You're an idiot.

I imagine you have Elvis in your cellar.

Moron. Are you going to entertain us with your story, Douglas, or not? Not.

Mike here loves pure bullshit.

Let him tell his story.

What dream made you go running back to Mommy and Daddy?

I'm sure they're very proud of you, by the way.

Ignore him.

Did you have a memorable nightmare?

Yeah.

Funny enough, it was last night, too.

But I think it had something to do with the weather, you know? People are very

different when there's a full moon and all.

Jesus.

You see, I'm a writer by nature. A compulsive writer, actually.

And I've been working...

on the next great american novel and the results are mixed right now but uh see

i've read about 20 novels but i've never been able to finish them i've always

run out of steam which i think is what the dream has to do with see my mother

came in to tell me about this opportunity while i was writing so how's

uh well i think i finally have some momentum actually

Now, what's it about?

It's a love story, mostly. It's kind of messy, though. Conflict sales, so I

might have some conflict in there, but I'm ending it on a happy note.

Why didn't you use a goddamn rubber?

There's a line you don't see every day.

Yes, social commentary, Mom. STD awareness, all that stuff.

So, it's your night tonight. Are you going to finish the entire book?

I don't think I'm going to be so lucky in four months.

Hello, baby.

Hello.

What are those?

Work raffle.

We're going to see your boyfriends tonight.

I got tickets and backstage passes.

Twin obsession?

That rocks!

Mom.

Mom, aren't you a little old to be a boy band and aren't you too old to use the

term that rocks seriously?

Hell no.

Let me loose on that Steve Adams.

I think I'm going to leave your father tonight.

That is, if everything goes right.

I'll stick around if I can watch. Okay, guys, I know you're just kidding, but

can you please lay off the sex humor? I'm trying to eat supper tonight.

Okay, how about work humor?

Do you have plans tonight?

What?

Easy money.

My boss owns a cabin, and he has to take off.

He wanted me to watch his place, but I've got these tickets now.

So I pitched to him that my responsible son could do it, and he was all for it.

I told him that you're a writer, and guess what?

So is he.

You could do some networking.

Where is it? What's the job?

He's worried about his ex -wife coming over and causing some trouble.

He doesn't want to leave his daughter alone.

You're only going to house sit.

The girl will not bother you.

Nah, I'm not good with kids. Oh, you're doing it.

Besides, she's not really a kid.

She's 15.

Which means she'll be easy to watch and she's off limits.

I told Nate what an upstanding young man you are.

And you need the cash.

Look, I know you want to write this next great American novel.

But until you make it happen, you need money.

If you impress him tonight, you can come work with me.

He'll probably hire you on.

Alright, fine. What time do I have to be there?

He wants you there at 7.

There's no crime in getting there early.

Hey.

Hey, you're David's boy. Nice to meet you, Mike.

Nice to meet you, too, sir.

Call me Nate. You call me sir, I feel ten years older. I feel old enough

already. Come on inside. I'll give you the rundown. It'll be quick.

Clock's ticking.

Yes, sir.

Yes, Nate.

Thank you.

Sure. So your dad's going to see that boy band tonight?

I wish he hadn't told me that.

I might have to inform the other employees.

Sounds like they need to know.

Damn right.

Okay, listen, you're young, so I'm going to let you know.

Women are nuts, and my ex is no different.

Hell, my daughter's no different.

But I can handle her madness.

Helen, she's trouble.

I took a restraining order out on her, but she still comes around once in a

while.

If she does, you can defuse the situation.

Or if you prefer, call the cops. Haul her sorry ass away.

Okay.

And my daughter's name is Crystal, and she's grounded. So don't let her con

She can be trouble.

And if you get her talking, you're not going to shut her up.

And if you see her on her cell phone or computer, please let her know that she's

banned from those as well.

And if she doesn't listen to you, which she won't, just let me know, and I'll

take care of it when I get home.

Got it.

Anything else?

Yeah, there is.

My trash has been getting rummaged through, so I set up a camera thinking

see raccoons, but it was a... How can I say this without sounding nuts?

Okay, come here. Let me show you.

Is that a bear?

No. It's something I didn't believe in until recently.

It's a Sasquatch.

He's tried to get into the house a couple of times.

They say they're standoffish, but not this guy.

He seems to be an exception to the rule.

That's insane.

Have you sent this to the media?

In my position, that would be career suicide.

So, no.

Okay.

Watch the house.

Have a good night. And this little shindig I'm attending won't get me back

about 1. You okay with that?

That's fine. My bedtime's not until 2 anyways.

Okay, good.

All right, have a good night. If you need anything, call me.

Got it. Have a good night.

Hey, I'm Mike.

Um, your dad cool with you drinking coffee?

Only if I pick up all my Barbies.

Funny. So...

My parents are out singing Twin Obsession tonight.

Oh, you must be very excited.

Which one of them do you like the most?

Which one of them do you have hanging over your bed?

You're tough.

Not your type of music, I guess. Bingo.

Now, why are you here?

What? My dad don't trust me? I guess not, but with any consolation, I'm not

to be a big brother. I'm just here to house it.

I won't be in your way.

Told my dad I saw that thing, and he tested me for drugs.

Cocksucker. Doesn't believe anything I say.

Did Daddy tell you about the campers?

Campers? No, what campers?

We think Bigfoot killed him.

He found a bloody tent, but he buried all the stuff.

He doesn't want his name being dragged through the news.

Are you just fucking with me right now?

Afraid not. I mean, it's not like he killed him. Bigfoot did.

So, I got nothing to do. You want me to shoot the shit?

As long as you don't bring up twin obsession, I'm fine.

So, smart move.

You sit next to a 15 -year -old girl on the couch. You might get yourself in

trouble. Well, you know, Crystal, you're much wiser than your years.

Parents, what up?

You grow up quick when you hear your dad plowing some bitch in the dark.

The walls are thin.

Um, so how often have you seen the Bigfoot?

Probably about once a week, but he's usually off in the distance.

And he's found that trash cans are a good place to find grub.

I say we just catch that fucking thing and collect some reward money for it.

There has to be some reward money for it. As I said, you're much wiser than

youth. Apparently you're wiser than me.

You're still right, though.

If we could catch this, we could sell this, and we could be rich.

Why not try?

That's what I'm saying.

Oh shit, it's my mother.

What is she doing here?

I'll talk to her. Just call the cops.

Nah, I'll handle her. Don't worry.

There's no woman I cannot shot.

I'm Mike, and I'm just house -sitting. Nate is away on a business trip. Oh,

bullshit, you're house -sitting.

You're fucking my daughter, aren't you? So help me God, if you touch one hair on

her head, I am calling the cops and having your ass arrested for rape. Ma

look, look, I'm just house -sitting. That is all. Oh, bullshit, you

Ma 'am, what the hell are you doing?

You're not even supposed to be here.

I'm going to call the cops and have them deal with you.

shoot you!

Your mother just hit me.

Ah, don't sweat it. She knows she did wrong and she's on her way home now.

Don't call the cops. They suck.

Let's just focus on the task at hand.

Alright then, what do you want to do? Does your father have like a big net or

something? Why the fuck would he own a big net?

I don't know. I'm just brainstorming. Oh yeah, well, he keeps it right next to

his invisible jet.

You know, one day it'll make some lucky guy really miserable.

My dad has a gun, so I say we clip it in the knees, drop the hairy fuck, and tie

it up with a rope.

It's pretty simple.

That works for me.

Oh, that prick!

If he touches my daughter, I'm gonna kill him!

What? What the fuck is this?

I gave you one opportunity after the other.

And all you did was disappoint me.

The same way Crystal disappointed Nate.

Isn't that right, Nate?

That's right. I tried to turn her around.

But she kept going on that Facebook talking to boys.

I'm not going to raise a whore.

Where is she?

What, are you one of the boys that wanted to get into her panties?

Well, it's too late.

You know, we gave you plenty of chances, but you just kept coming back.

Do you think me and your father want you leeching off of us forever?

You came home to write a...

Stupid book.

And you sat on your ass for three weeks.

Did you know that when your father was 17 years old, he worked his ass off and

he was able to afford a house?

And what do you have?

You could even graduate college.

And then you leave us with a bunch of school loans.

You want to know something, son?

Your free ride ends now.

Why didn't you just kick me out?

Dad!

Why this?

Why this?

Your mother and I want freedom.

Just like Nate wants freedom.

Freedom isn't free.

That's something your generation is going to learn.

You sooner than most.

Like you two.

This was such an intense experience. Like, I've had nightmares before, but I

could feel the knife going into my chest.

It just felt so real.

That may be just a premonition.

I'm sure your parents are sick of you running back to them with your tail

between your legs.

I'll keep my eyes on the obituaries.

Nice knowing you, kid.

Do you believe in Bigfoot, Mike?

Nah, not really.

I do. I know a friend who saw one.

Everybody knows somebody that's seen something weird or unexplained.

This world is pretty cut and dry.

You live, you die.

The end.

What are you doing here?

Shouldn't you be reading a Bible or jacking off?

Get lost.

Well, sir, I have some good news for y 'all.

But if you don't want to hear it, then fine.

No, please.

What's going on?

I just spoke to my boss, and he's arranging for y 'all to get a hotel room

the house.

The van will be here shortly.

That's good news?

You fucked me on an opportunity, and the good news is you're going to put me up

in a flea bag hotel?

It's better than sleeping here.

Says a homeless junkie who's just happy somebody's putting a roof over her head.

I am not a junkie. Don't worry, little girl. The adults are having a

conversation here. Hey.

Don't talk to her like that. Don't worry. She wouldn't fuck you if you're

last wannabe writer on the planet.

Sir, that's enough.

It's enough when I say it's enough, you fat fuck.

The van should be here within the hour.

Can you believe the balls of that fat fuck?

I mean, to first screw us like this, and then to offer us a room in a fleabag

hotel like it's some kind of a deal?

What is the problem?

Okay, Lacey.

I'm sure that you're probably not a junkie. You also insulted Mike.

What?

What do you call a cellar dweller that lives with his mom and dad?

Deadbeat.

What is it you kids say? It is what it is.

Okay.

If I tell you my dream from last night, then can we be friends again?

I don't really care.

Yes, you do.

I have to admit, I find it strange that we're all here on the night of a train

wreck and...

We all had vivid nightmares the night before.

Douglas, I know you can't help who you are, so I'm going to forgive you. But

we're going to be here for over an hour, so there's plenty of time for you to

tell your story. Thank you.

Since we're all friends, I can share this with you.

Missing that job interview wasn't the greatest loss.

I've been on dozens.

And every one, there's a kid like you, Mike, or you, Lacey, that's willing to

the job for half the price just for the experience.

I have a mortgage and bills to pay.

I need a job. I need a good job.

I think that's why I had this terrible dream.

It's 11 .15.

My appointment was for 10 .30. This is absurd.

My appointment's at 11 o 'clock.

You know, when I ran my plant, I was always on time.

If that's your expectation, then damn it, you better meet it yourself.

Doug, I know you.

My nephew Alex worked for you for many years.

Did a fine job running that company over there. Well, that is until he decided

to pack it up and ship it off to China. But that seems to be the way today,

doesn't it?

Unfortunately so.

You see those other applicants out there?

Yeah, they look like they're right out of high school.

Most of them are, my friend.

They're very green.

Me? I prefer to hire experience over some piece of paper.

However, you gotta understand, I don't own this company.

What are you telling me? You're gonna hire one of them?

I ran that company for 20 years. For 20 years, it made money.

Hell, it was making money before they bailed out.

Now, I can't find a job.

Doug, you don't have a degree.

You're behind the curve.

You gotta understand, guys like you and me, we're dinosaurs.

I mean, honestly, how long do you think they're gonna keep me around here?

Trust me, these assholes above me, they don't tell me who to hire. But they do

tell me who to hire. Do you know what I'm saying?

They keep pushing this.

Youth movement.

Where does that leave you and me? Our generation?

The hard -ass, the old -school approach?

That's exactly what it is.

Old school, my friend. And that school is out. My last year at Styrocon, they

brought in a sensitivity manager to work with me.

Kid was 24 years old, right out of college. Hell, he just moved into his

apartment. The hell did he know?

Everybody these days are victims.

You can't say or do anything without pissing off some group or another.

But I'll tell you, I've been out of work for six months.

I've pissed through my savings. I need this job.

I need it bad.

You've got to give me a chance.

Look, they posted this job opportunity, but they already had the position filled

before they typed the first word, okay?

I know how they treat guys like us in this market. They treat us like shit.

However, that being said, I do have an opportunity if you are interested.

It's an experimental project and it has nothing to do with this company.

If it works out, the employment will be there and you can make some good money

in this gig.

What is it and what's it pay?

Well, I'm glad you asked. You'll be in data entry.

and the pay is $28 an hour.

Now, those kids out there, they'd jump on this for $10 an hour.

But you know what I'm going to do for you?

I'm going to attach a fancy title.

You're going to be data manager.

And again, $28 an hour, and you'll get a six -month contract.

Why me?

Doug, why not you?

I've been beat down so much lately.

I guess I don't recognize an opportunity when it presents itself.

Thank you.

When do I start?

Well, you start tonight.

It's over on 33 Main Street. It's the Big Brick Building.

Check in over there. Get yourself situated.

Do well, and this gig could turn into a big moneymaker for you. Thank you.

You're welcome, Doug.

You're very welcome.

So, we're square for the month, right?

The month?

That fuck wasn't worth a week. You bastard, you said we were all set.

Yeah, I'll be back tomorrow. We can, uh, renegotiate.

Well, look who finally was home. Or should I say, who finally answered the

I know I owe you money.

You know I owe you money. And you'll get your goddamn money. I don't need your

bullshit.

You don't need my bullshit?

Really? Well, you wouldn't have my bullshit if you paid your goddamn rent.

I got other people living in this building.

They always get their rent in on time. I ain't got no problems with them people.

The state pays their way. Those bottom feeders.

When I moved in here, this place was full of working -class people, hard

-working people.

Now you've got these scumbags in here with ten kids, living for free.

What about me, Gilling? What about me?

I worked my entire life. I worked hard.

And somebody from another country comes here and lives for free.

And you accept it because it lines your pocket. Look, this is a business.

I don't care how many kids they have. I don't care if they work, if they don't

work. As long as I get my money. And now you are on your last chance. You either

pay up, or you get the fuck out.

I told you, you mental midget. You'll get your money.

I start a new job tonight, and when I get paid, you'll get your check.

That's good.

You're lucky I got a business to run. I got a ways of dealing with deadbeats

that don't pay their rent. I don't think you'd like them.

Did you just threaten me?

You did! You threatened me! You ever threaten me again, I'll kill you, you

cocksucker!

Yeah, are you Douglas?

Yeah.

Good. You're early.

We like that. Now follow me.

That pile of forms goes in that computer.

Gonna be working along with Lance tonight. You have any questions, ask

Lance, this is Douglas.

Hi, Doug.

It's Douglas.

Douglas...

I'm the data manager.

Okay, data manager.

Go manage that data.

Get it done by 11.

Fine.

You need anything?

You okay?

Data entry, kid. I think I can manage it. Just worry about yourself.

We're stuck here for eight hours.

Might as well make a little chit -chat. I used to fire people for idle chit

-chat.

Conversation is a killer for productivity.

Someday you'll understand that.

But then again, the way things are going, probably not. I used to run a

shop. I encouraged it. A happy worker is a good worker.

There is never truly a happy worker.

They always want more. You got to keep them in fear for their job. That way you

get the most productivity and they will not ask for a raise.

That's a really shitty way to look at it.

That's reality.

You know, the way they built this job up made me think it'd be more than just

two dudes and two computers from 1985.

It's strange.

He called it an experiment.

I'm sure at some point they'll expand the job, hire more people, get better

equipment. No, but why are we even inputting this stuff?

This is credit card data from 1987.

They want it. That's all that matters.

I'm just, I'm at a loss here. It seems like busy work.

What's the matter?

Nah, nothing.

I can tell by your body language it's something.

What's up?

It's just strange that the data they have me entering here is on serial

At first I thought it was because they were doing a research book, but some of

the information they are asking for doesn't make sense.

Such as?

Well, you've got age, sex.

Number of kills.

But level of enjoyment.

What's that all about?

How can they rate level of enjoyment?

That's odd.

They rate it.

I wish there was an orientation or something to explain the nature of this

Have you ever worked in a place where they sit down two dudes in an empty

building with no supervision and no other employees and then some goon

the door?

No.

Lance, you live with your parents?

No, I've been on my own since I was 16.

Really? What kind of work do you do?

Well, you name it.

I scrub toilets, I drove trucks, I mowed lawns.

I managed a pizza shop until that place went under.

It brought me here.

It's a struggle. Yeah, it's a struggle. It stresses you out.

I kicked my landlord down the stairs today. Not my best moment.

Landlord's worst of the worst. I'm sure he deserved it.

Yeah, he did.

Do you know if there's any vending machines or a lunchroom around here?

Are we even allowed to take breaks?

I've been working four hours. I'm taking a break.

Well, I'm guessing there's nothing around here, but...

We could probably order some pizzas, I guess. Forget that. I know a grinder

right down the street. I'll go out and I'll get us some grinders. My treat.

Really? Thank you.

No problem. You know, I pretty much lost all faith in you today.

But you're out there and you're trying to make it a go at it.

I have no problem buying you dinner.

Next time, it's my treat, though. No problem.

I'll be right back.

Open the door. It's locked.

Get back to work. I'm taking a break. Neither one of us has had anything to

You understand, you dimwit?

No wonder you work the door like the mental retard you are.

I said get back to work. There are no breaks yet. Now back to your desk. I'm

working eight straight hours without a break. Now you have two choices.

You can open that door, or I'm going to break it down. You break that door down,

and I'll be breaking you down.

Now, like I said, get back to work.

Guy in a mask.

Just dab Tony.

Right in the fucking neck.

You got a cell phone? Yeah, but I don't have any signal. The building's so old.

There's no service.

If we go up on the roof, it'll work there.

Why don't we just go outside?

Because the fucking door is locked in. There's a madman out there with a knife.

We've got to let the cops handle this.

Okay, let's go.

Tell me why you want to live.

I have a lot left to offer this world.

All you have to offer is pain and intolerance. You hate your fellow man.

You hate the young. You hate your ex -wife. You have no purpose left in this

world and that is why you must die.

What the fuck? What kind of game is this?

This is no game.

It's an experiment, remember?

See, I wanted to find me the most miserable fuck that I could and push him

the limit. And you, you fit that bill perfectly.

Dougie boy, you're nothing but slime, my friend.

And this experiment, it's over.

What goddamn experiment?

What the fuck are you talking about?

You see, you had two choices here.

You could have learned something about humanity, moved on to something greater

in life, a better understanding of what we are, of who we are.

But instead, you opted to be this miserable fuck that thinks the entire

world owes him something.

Well, you know what?

The world owes you nothing.

Underneath that...

Heart exterior lives a coward within your soul.

You've made this experiment interesting, but as I said, now it ends.

How much do you think you can take of who you think you are before

gone?

No, no, please.

No, please.

Don't kill me. Don't kill me.

Please.

Weissman Dyson, boys.

Spill his fucking guts on the floor.

No. Please.

No.

No. No.

No.

No. No.

No.

Enjoy the job, Douglas.

The dream was just terrifying.

Don't you think it was your subconscious telling you to be nicer to everyone?

I don't know, but I don't think I'll ever be able to go on a job interview

without thinking about it.

Well, I bet the faceless mask guys represent how you see everyone. All

worthless.

I'm not analyzing anything here, Lacey.

Wow, you called me Lacey.

Not young woman, not young girl, not junkie.

I must have earned your respect.

You know, I may come across as a dick, you know, once in a while, but I really

have a soft side.

As a matter of fact, I don't hate any of you guys.

Well, that's good.

No hard feeling for you either.

All right, people.

Your ride is here.

Please exit that door in an orderly fashion.

Wait, wait.

Yes, sir?

You and I got off on the wrong foot. I know part of it's because you're not

the... brightest star in the sky, but part of it's because I have such a low

threshold for idiocy.

So, I'm sorry.

Thank you, sir.

You people can meet your Rob Van in the parking lot. It was nice having you.

Thank you.

Doug, you just insulted the poor guy to his face. That was no apology.

It felt like an apology. I said I was sorry.

And you called him an idiot. You basically said the core of your problems

that he's too stupid for his own good.

Truth hurts, I guess.

We died in that wreck, didn't we? You did.

Hello, Lacey.

Please, please let us go.

Go?

Go where?

I'm sorry to say this trip is non -refundable and you can't give it away.

What the hell is going on here?

Hell is going on here.

But why me? Why? I didn't do anything wrong.

You've all earned this trip.

Janice.

Lonely Janice.

So lonely that you thought comfort in the arms of one of your young students.

And my little Lacey.

You haven't been totally honest, have you?

Justifying stealing through necessity.

You even stole from your grandmother.

You left her no money for the pills she needs to live.

And we both know what happened there, don't we? Shut up!

Mike.

Mike!

You're not going home because of money problems or failure in the real world.

Nah, you got spooked.

What if she told somebody?

What if she knew what you did to her while she was drunk?

Best thing to do was to waddle away, wasn't it?

Hey, I admit, those three are getting what they deserve. But not me.

I'm not like them.

No, you're not.

Oh, Dougie Bear, you're my favorite.

Because you're worth it.

That hate deep in your soul has ruined you.

It's a disease that you spread.

Oh, Dougie.

Misery loves company.

And misery is what you deserve.

It's what you all deserve.

And now it's time for the devil to get his due.