Original subtitles

Another great day.

You locked us out of the store all day and we couldn't sell anything.

Technically. And it rained. A lot.

And that stray dog chased us. He sure did.

And we had to hide in a dumpster. Oh, I remember that. Then the garbage truck

came. We almost died.

How was that a great day? We were together?

Yeah.

Night, Peter. Night, Terry.

You're coming with me, Dr.

Squid. Not today, Octo -Shark.

Taste ink.

Do you mind?

Uh, sure. Do you want to be Octoshark or Dr.

Squid? I want to be Professor Slumber.

Awesome. I got them right here.

Check out his cool battle pillows.

Yeah.

Hey. It's bedtime.

No more talking.

You got me. Peter. What? I just got these. I have to break them in.

Just do it quietly.

Fine. That wasn't me.

It came from next door.

Break it.

We should arm ourselves.

Finally.

Are you wearing a cape? Obviously. What the hell are you going to do with a

cape? A cape distracts your enemy and makes you a harder target to hit.

Why do you think heroes wear them all the time? See?

Look. Hit me.

Hit me.

Hit me.

I tripped on my cape. I think you should stay here.

Oh, shit.

Bernie? Oh, hey, Terry.

Are you breaking into your own store?

No, I broke out.

I fell asleep in the back hiding from customers, and when I woke up, I

I forgot my keys.

Couldn't you just use the fire door at the back?

You've got to be careful. It's dangerous out here. Oh, don't worry. I'm fine.

No, I don't mean for you.

I'd rather run.

Okay,

I'm tangled.

I'm very tangled. This tape is a death trap.

A little too quiet.

Edmund, it's quiet since the day you forgot to flip the open sign.

Yeah, I didn't notice till five, but I got a lot done that day. Maybe we should

be closed more often. No.

What am I doing wrong? Am I missing something?

Maybe you should look at your checklist.

Light on.

Open sign?

Flipped. Dress as pirate? Well, if it's on the list, I guess we have to.

This one's yours.

Did you change my checklist?

How'd you know?

Well, several things. The handwriting has a distinct left slope.

It's in blue ink. I remember using black. Also, I'm not a giant idiot.

Terry, come on, man. You gotta relax.

Your list was all work, work, work, work.

But I've added fun things like number seven.

Play 20 questions with Peter? If he insists.

Yeah, I'm not playing. I'll get it started.

Alive, 19 left. I refuse to participate.

It is a woman.

18 left.

What's going on in the parking lot? The answer is Wonder Woman.

Oh, it is.

Look at all the customers, and they're heading this way.

Terry, this is it. This is the moment. Our moment.

Together. We're broke.

Now. More than ever. That one got away on you a little bit, didn't it? I'm just

so excited. Me too.

Me too.

And welcome to... Statitude.

Should have seen that one coming. Too early to drink?

He's crazy in there. Everyone's like, do you ever say six in these? No.

Did these come in red?

Buzz off. Can you ring this up? What am I, your mother? Why is it so busy, and

how did we get that?

Word got out about the...

Break -in. It's been all over Action City News. It even bumped a piece about

horse who can do math.

That horse is a fraud as long as it's in stuff.

So there is no such thing as bad publicity.

I mean, I can do fractions. No one gives me a sugar cube. Let's move on from the

horse. Well, I probably shouldn't just stand here avoiding work.

I think I'll walk around the block.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Yep. I'm done with race.

What? No, no.

A robbery brought all these customers into fatitude.

So? So, no raisins? We fake a break -in at our own store.

Terry, you want us to become criminals?

I want us to be successful.

Villainy is a slippery slope.

Would you like to be on the news?

I don't know. You can wear your cape. Do this.

Boyd, how exactly did Sassafy get robbed last night? You're supposed to be

security.

Boyd?

Wake up. Oh, wow.

Wow. I just had this crazy dream where I was behind the wheel of my van, and you

were there. You were trying to wake me up. No, Boyd, that just happened.

I can see the future.

That was the past.

I can see the past.

Okay, Boyd, I don't want any more break -ins at the mall, all right? You're

going to have to start doing your job. All you have to do is ask. I'm with you

100%. Good.

Can't let this happen again.

There you are.

Okay, Terry, I've got it all planned out.

We need to make it look like an inside job.

Well, that might not be the best idea, since it will be an inside job. Right.

Then we need to make it look like we've put up a struggle.

I can shoot you in the leg. No. The arm? No. What if I just graze you? Don't

worry, I'll still shoot you, but only a little bit. Peter, please, don't be

ridiculous. Would it be ridiculous to burn our fingerprints off so we don't

leave a trace?

Peter, this is our store. Our prints should be all over the place.

Son of a bitch.

Fine. What kind of break -in do you want? The simple kind.

No guns, no cape. Get in, get out.

Well, it's so crazy, it just might work.

Careful, careful. The real crooks aren't careful. They just smashed the door.

How much does this cost?

Twelve bucks.

Wow, that is just so odd. Plains might be so bad with money.

Real crooks would make a huge mess.

Yeah, but this is our place.

Don't worry.

Everyone will just think we were robbed by really considerate crooks who didn't

want us to pay for broken glass. They took the door off the hinges, wiped

feet, and left without making a mess.

All right!

It's clearly the owners. Let's book them.

You're going to book us. What can I say?

Hate paperwork.

Wouldn't you have to file more paperwork?

What?

Maybe a little math is a good idea.

Okay, let's see.

Ooh.

Thundergut. Fighting crime with the power of gas.

That never sells.

Ooh.

Bleeding gums. Is this a comic put up by the Dental Association?

I don't think so.

Whatever. Ooh, I'll get the money out of the till. Ooh, there isn't any money in

the till. I bought a burrito.

Perfect. We're all set.

Not quite.

What are you doing?

I am leading a nice false trail.

The lead to...

You'll see.

Whoa, yes!

Boom! Now we'll look like the burglars spontaneously combusted.

Case closed.

It's like your mouth is just a delivery system for nonsense.

You're welcome.

Hello, Action City News?

I think someone broke into our store. Oh, and your horse is a fraud!

So, I understand you were robbed.

Yes, it was scary.

But not as scary as our low, low prices.

How do you feel knowing this is the second time this mall has been broken

in two days?

What can I say?

It was a shock. But not as big a shock as our wide selection of popular titles.

Our selection of action figures is so large that we actually robbed our own...

Back to you, Action News. I say that.

Back to the newsroom. We did it.

Excellent choice.

And you have a wonderful day.

This is how business is supposed to be. All it took was breaking the laws that

bind our community together. Hey, come on. We robbed our own store. We didn't

even claim insurance.

It's a victimless crime.

Yes, sir, Mr. Matsumoto. No, I totally agree.

Two break -ins is unacceptable, but... What?

You don't mean that.

You do.

But I would urge you... You look upset.

Why don't we turn that frown into a date with me?

I'd rather have a cup of scalding coffee thrown in my face.

Hmm.

And... I'm out.

Sorry. My boss is going crazy. One more break in and someone's going to lose

their job.

Victimless crime, eh? Shut up, Peter. There's always a victim.

Hey,

guys. Taking a break?

Oh, yeah. We are busy. We are busier than the president of Busy on St.

Bissington's Day. Well said.

Thank you.

Oh. You guys saw how much publicity we got from our break -in.

And then you mysteriously get robbed.

I don't know what you're implying. You broke into your own store.

Gosh, you scanned our brain. Guard your remaining thoughts.

Do you have any remaining thoughts?

Do you guys realize how much trouble Raina's gonna get in after the second

-in? One of which was you.

I'm just saying, you're putting all of our asses on the line. Oh, I love my

All right, both of you just relax, all right? We'll be fine as long as we keep

our mouth shut.

No one will suspect a thing.

Yeah, clearly the owners. Let's book them. He's got a gun!

Sorry, sorry. I gotta go, honey.

Sorry about that.

Just booking my wedding band.

I'm thinking about going with the owners.

You ever heard of them?

Either them or inside job.

Right.

So, uh, what can we do for you, officer?

What's it say here about you guys being broken into?

What? Broken into?

That's hilarious.

Yes, we were. Terry made me do it, and I will tell you everything. Thank you.

And you never made an official police report.

You know how suspicious that looks?

There's only one reason why people don't call the police after a crime's been

committed. Because they're clearly guilty? Will you?

Because they've lost faith in the police department.

And I have. Yeah, I mean, who can blame us? I mean, you're never there when we

need you. Our store was just broken into and you haven't even caught us. Them,

them, them. You're right, but I swear to you, I'm my mother's grave.

These crooks will do hard time.

That's more like it.

Let's roll out, Cookie.

Two break -ins in one week, Boyd?

Tonight, I need you to stake out them all.

Stake out? Oh, tonight's still good. I've already made plans.

Staying up in my van all night, eating junk food, monitoring the comings and

goings to the mall. That's what a stakeout is.

Well, things just got interesting.

I told you it was a slippery slope. Today we're breaking into our own store.

Tomorrow we're robbing banks with harpoon guns. We're not robbing a bank.

really? Then what am I going to do with this?

Give me that.

Where did you get this?

Craigslist. The crime spree is over, all right? The store is busier than ever.

Raina's boss will forgive her, and no one suspects a thing.

I know what you did.

Dan.

What are you talking about?

Oh, I just like saying that randomly to people. Be amazed what they might

confess to.

Saw the cops talking here, too.

Is there any law against being a pussy?

Uh, they were just trying to track down the robber.

Oh, right. That break -in that you mysteriously slept through in the store

live in. That's the one.

Bye -bye.

After Thastu got robbed, I installed a security camera outside.

Should get a pretty good look at whoever robbed your store last night.

I'll send that tape off to the cops first thing tomorrow.

Nighty -night, pretend grown -ups.

Is now the part where we start to panic?

It is. Oh, good.

I'm sorry to get press. It was a good idea.

It sounds like a good idea. I mean, listen to it. Rob our store.

Get press.

I go along with that every time.

That should have been a clue.

Just put yourself together. We've done worse fixes than this before, and you

always think of something.

Oh, please. I'd like to turn myself in. Terry!

No! You're being hysterical.

You're right. I'm sorry.

All we need to do is to think this through and work together.

Hello again, police. Sorry, we got cut off. Terry!

No!

I'm going to turn myself in. I'll keep you out of it. We don't have any other

choice. It's the sensible thing to do.

See, that's the problem.

You're the sensible one, and the time for sensible is over.

Let's get nuts.

Wait, hey.

Oh, well, you could go to jail. Or you could pull one last break in to get the

tape back from Dan's door.

Break in to Dan's door.

The best idea I've ever heard.

Well, we're doing it anyway.

What's in the briefcase?

They called in some favors to get back up for tonight's stakeout.

Behold, the Stunmaster 3000.

Take out a 300 -pound protester in a single shot.

Where did you get this?

Craigslist.

I wanted a harpoon gun, but someone beat me to it.

So, who's just a security guard now?

I never said you were just a security guard. I said you were barely a security

guard. Oh, sorry.

You know, maybe I'll come along with you on that stakeout tonight.

Just to make sure you don't do anything crazy.

Sure, but I'm taking my stun gun with me.

Uh, I think it might be safer if I held on to that.

Here's the plan.

Bernie, you're over here watching the door. Harry, you're up on the roof.

Why the roof? So you can rappel down the front of the store with a ninja -like

grace. How would I do that? Because it looks cool.

I'm going to run a zigzag pattern through the minefield.

The parking lot's supposed to be mined now? Oh, yeah.

While I plant the plastic explosives, Bernie's gonna distract the guard.

fake! Ooh, is he cute? He is if you find giant robots. Cute. Beep, beep. You

will be my flesh and blood.

Yeah, okay, fine.

This only took me 14 hours to make, but we're done now.

And I wanted to see where things were gonna go with this robot.

Guys, I think we need a much simpler plan.

Fine. Bernie, you create a distraction while Terry and I go through the front.

Why would I help with any of this?

Because if you don't, I'll tell the cops you broke out of your own store.

And friendship?

And friendship?

Fine, then, for friendship.

So this is the whole plan?

Almost.

Okay, got some mooshu pork, bean curd, and rice. Where should we start?

Boyd?

Boyd?

Son of a bitch.

Point at me again while we're wearing pirate costume, because if we get

pirates will take the blame. Also, great things always happen when I'm wearing

this costume.

Hey, look!

A quarter!

Point at me again while we're wearing pirate costume, because if we get

pirates will take the blame. Also, great things always happen when I'm wearing

this costume.

Hey, five bucks!

Lucky costume!

Hey, look!

A quarter!

Point at me again while we're wearing pirate.

costumes because if we get spotted, pirates will take the blame. Also, great

things always happen when I'm wearing this costume.

All right, we're here. Why did that thing take so long? I don't know.

Okay, cardboard Dan. Cardboard Dan.

All right, all right. Now, to get us in.

Watch out. Watch out.

Watch out.

If we get caught breaking into this door, Raina will be in serious trouble.

That's because somebody was too afraid to repel.

Don't worry.

I'll get us in with this.

A little jiggle up. A little jiggle down.

Oops.

I may have accidentally dropped the card in the store.

There is now a credit card with your name on it locked in the store. Yes.

Never fear. I shall retrieve it with my driver's license. Sure you will.

Went down. Oops. I see that coming. Yep.

Third time's a charm. I'll use my birth certificate. Go for it.

Yeah, that's gone. And there it is. I'm going to borrow your wallet.

Pirates!

Raina! Pirates! You're dreaming. Go back to sleep.

No, look!

It almost looks like a pirate. God help us. Nothing stops pirates.

Lose a hand, they slap on a hook. Lose a leg, they slap on a peg.

Lose an eye, they slap on a parrot.

Son of a bitch!

Don't worry, we'll get everything back using the leafs to our store.

You can't be that.

Raina, I am so sorry.

Just like pirates.

Not on my watch. Time to shiver some timbers.

Let's roll.

I just zapped Bernie.

I'll lose my job.

I'll go to jail. I'm ruined.

Keep going. Keep going. Oh, boy's got a plan.

Just gently hand over the sunblock.

Gently.

Gently.

Got the security tape back.

Yep, my plan worked.

I'm pretty sure it was my plan.

You wouldn't even have had a plan if my plan hadn't backfired.

What happened to you last night?

Well... It's still a

little fuzzy.

So I didn't know you guys were actually going to rob Sportapalooza.

What do you mean? That was my whole plan.

My plan. No, you guys don't understand.

Crap. Look what your plan did.

Somebody must have seen the broken glass and pulled off a real heist. The police

are going to put a mind worm in my ear and force me to tell the truth. Peter,

hold yourself together.

Nobody's on to us.

I'm on, dear.

Oh, Dan.

That boy's pretty ballsy. Breaking the window to steal that surveillance tape.

Shame he didn't remember to steal the surveillance tape of last night's break

-in.

Damn it. I knew you forgot something. What a terrible plan.

Nice disguises, though.

Couldn't tell it was you because you were dressed up as pirates.

Only I could tell it was you because...

You were dressed up as pirates.

That doesn't sound like us.

I cleaned out my store.

When the insurance company gets a look at the tape of you boys breaking in, I

should make a small fortune.

Thanks to you two assholes.

You're welcome.

Don't say you're welcome.

My insurance adjuster now.

Let's see how much I'm gonna make.

You got Dan.

Uh -huh.

I think.

Fantastic.

Apparently they don't cover acts of piracy.

Woo -hoo!

Pirates rule!

Now I gotta load the whole store back in from that truck.

What truck? My truck.

What?

Somebody stole my truck! No.

Damn it, it was right there!

Huh. I guess when you have three fake break -ins in a week, you're bound to

attract real criminal... I hate you guys.

You look exhausted.

I mean, beautifully... Not gonna say this one.

Exhausted.

I was up all night staking out the mall with Boyd.

Really? Did you catch up?

Them. Them?

Actually... They got away.

So no one got fired?

Oh, someone did, my boss.

I'm sorry?

I'm not. Mr. Matsumoto was a douche. He wasn't even Japanese. He just thought it

sounded efficient.

That's great news.

I can't believe we got away with it.

Truly was the perfect crime.

I knew it was you all along.

Oh, no.

Yes. I want you to play I Knew It Was You All Along as our first band.

Wedding band.

Don't get me started.

Can we help you?

Yep. Sold the crime.

Found these burned boots set up by the dumpster.

Oh, my God.

Footsteps match the ones leaving your store.

I dusted them for fingerprints, but they were not.

There's only one explanation.

The criminal is spontaneously combusted.

Boom! Two for two.

Well, thanks for telling us.

Well, I hope this restores your faith in the police department.

Where's my gun?

Who's the idiot now?

That guy.

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