Original subtitles

Get out from there. Come on, boy, we're going out.

Why are you sellotaping a sausage to that frisbee? We're going down the park

teach Harry to catch it in his teeth.

Ah, wonderful. That'll be useful. A toothless guard dog.

See you later.

Just a minute.

Is that the only place you're going?

Yeah. Well, you won't be needing any money then, will you? Give it here.

And you're not to give him any to go to the shop either.

All right.

Can't I just have one?

No. Why not?

I told you last weekend they're not good for you. You should never have even

started smoking at your age.

You've had a lot of stress.

Yes, well, it's been a lot more if I smell any on your breath. David, you're

responsible. Oh, wonderful.

I get to be the health police.

And no sweets either.

Nice top, Rona. Oh, thank you.

I wouldn't be so sure. He's very mature in some ways. Oh, don't worry. He's

still got a Simpson's duvet cover.

There was Ben.

Actually, it is Ben.

How are you getting on with him?

Oh, fine. I just hate the thought of him in that care place during the week.

Well, it won't be for much longer, will it? Oh, I hope not.

Anyway, I've just brought the last of the pizzas and the chicken wings over

the lock -up and put them in my freezer, so we're ready for the new floor at

last. Good. I'm sick of the sight of that terrible lino in there.

One thing, though, Tony won't be able to help us move the fridges out of the

way. He's got a sudden wedding this afternoon.

A sudden wedding?

Well, I'm not saying anything, but the bride's dress has had to have something

added at the front and it's not a granny flat.

Oh.

Never mind. We can probably persuade Christine to lend a hand for a quick

All I said was... I heard what you said. You said, I'm putting on weight. I did

not!

You're getting a bit porky, you know. It means I've got lovely pink skin, does

it?

So Hurley should make it her new slogan.

Look a bit porky with Estee Lauder.

Well, what happened to them two Mars bars that were on the dashboard then?

they fall in love with each other and go off on a Club 1830 holiday together?

I'll tell you what I am. I'm muscle -bound from humping huge barrel -loads

stuff like Conan the Freak and Balbarian. I am still a woman, you know.

you think my chest had swelled up from two giant wasp bites?

I'll tell you what I'm getting on. A number nine bus to my flat, where I'm

spending the afternoon relaxing, having a long, hot bubble bath, a bowl of Ben

and Jerry's, and 20 minutes tickling the Rottweilers.

Thank you for your beauty advice, Mr Universe, and up yours.

Oh, and you can keep your snide comments to yourself as well.

People are upset, huh?

David's gone off with Declan. Now we'll have to find someone else to help her.

It's all right, we'll manage.

No, we won't. Rona and I can barely lift the heaviest sandwiches.

Oh, well, we'll have to leave until next Saturday.

Oh, no, we won't. You've been saying that since last Christmas. We've taken

lino up now. We can't prepare food in there without a proper floor. Somebody

always turns up when you need them. Who was it that said that?

Hannibal Lecter.

That's what I say.

Well, unless she's got Tyson in one and Holyfield in the other, we're still

stuck. What?

How many clothes can one person use in two weeks?

What am I supposed to do? Go to lectures naked?

Why don't you just wear the bags? They wipe down with a cloth.

It's the greatest, you know.

Someone who'd care what we look like.

Is that someone outside?

Where? Uh, yeah.

Yes, there is. I told him to wait there. Told who?

I just wanted to make sure you won't be rude to him first.

It's not Ben Elton, is it?

Someone I've been seeing.

Oh, that's nice.

You won't be nasty to him. Why would we do that?

Promise? Yeah, of course we do. We want to meet him. Dad? Yeah, whatever.

You can come in now.

Yeah, right.

Cool. You remember me?

Yes, of course we do.

Yeah,

the one next to mine? The one with that door that comes through. Remember, when

you brought me, he opened it and walked straight into my bedroom.

Super. Hello.

I told Keith he could stay over.

Goodbye.

See you at the lock -up in half an hour.

Yeah, I'll just take these with me.

I hope you've got plenty of energy.

Nobody's ever complained, eh?

Well... Keith, it's nice to see you again. Me too.

Good. Well, why don't you take things upstairs?

Terrific. Right on.

That's all sorted out. Hang on, hang on, hang on. Huh? You can't. Can't what?

You can't stay.

Why? Well, Declan's here this weekend.

Yeah. What do you want, enough rooms?

David's in the loft room now, right? Yeah. And Declan's in David's old room?

Yeah. Well, there we are then.

All right? Right.

Hang on, hang on, hang on. That just leaves your room.

Yeah.

Maybe I ought to... Right.

Up the stairs, first door on the left. And they'll lose the one just before if

you need it. Jenny, why don't you make us a nice cup of tea?

No, why don't I do that?

What are you doing?

Do you want to know what they're doing?

She's 19 now. We can't really stop her. Yes, we can.

What do you think she's doing? Well, I don't know, but she's not doing it under

our roof.

The building societies, what did they do? Deny us the mortgage unless we

for woodworm, repointed the chimney and outlawed teenage nookie on the upper

stories?

No, it's uncomfortable.

Well, what do you suggest?

Why don't they just do what we did?

That is what we did. What else is there?

Well, probably pretend to sleep on the sofa and then we'd go to sleep. He

upstairs and... Without making any noise.

What difference would that make?

Well, we wouldn't know.

Yes, we would. We just talked about it. No, but we wouldn't know.

What wouldn't we know?

I don't know.

Here we are.

So, er, it's all right, then? Yes, of course it is. Fine.

Oh, I didn't think you'd mind.

He's really very nice when you get to know him.

Sorry, I found this tube of something on the bathroom floor. Oh, yeah, that's my

toothpaste. Mr Ben Porter, rub into affected areas. Yeah, it's my new

for my sore gums.

Right. My dad's gun's hurt every time he sits down as well.

Actually, Keith, I'm rather glad Jenny brought you. We could do with some extra

help to move the big fridges in my lock -up so that Ben can get on with the

floor. Is that all right?

Totally, no problem.

You see?

It's a jolly good thing Keith is staying tonight.

Go on, back, back.

Go on, off.

What's that?

Oh, go on, sit.

Get out of it. Go on, go on, get out of it. Oh, leave me alone.

Like Tom again. It's always hanging around here, waiting for the night time.

That's when it finds the lady cat.

Yes.

Why, Auntie Pearl had that trouble with her ginger Tom at the tabby up the road.

Shall we have him done?

No.

There's a much simpler way to stop him.

Sorry? What did she do?

Oh, typical Auntie Pearl. She just wore him out.

She spent all day dangling balls of wool, getting him to chase things, but

the time it got dark, he was too whacked out to do anything.

Is that the lot?

Uh, no.

Not quite.

Right, I've cleared the whole area in there, so we'll just let you get on with

it, shall we? Uh, no, I can't. Sorry.

Oh, now what?

Well, I've just been measuring up again and we haven't got enough tiles.

Yes, we have. We worked it all out, didn't we?

There should be enough for some left over.

Oh, yeah, but did you measure up in centimetres?

Yes. Oh, well, there's your problem, you see. These tiles are in feet.

Well, that doesn't make them any smaller, does it? No, it's the pattern.

They're plain.

Yeah, that's right. You see, if you had a pattern, it'd be all right.

Ben! Oh, look, you don't want me to get nearly finished and then find out I

haven't got enough tiles, do you?

No, I suppose not.

Well, I'll just go off and get one more pack to make absolutely certain, OK?

All right, then. All right, come on then, Keith.

What do you need him for?

Well, I might want to get some other things as well.

OK. Yeah, that's cool. Remember I have to get back for Declan?

Oh, he's with David, isn't he? Yes.

He'll be all right. But how long are you going to be?

Oh, well, as long as it takes.

It's the place? Yeah.

Practically. The car park's always full. Never mind. We can walk it from here.

I know

you're

going to laugh, but I think I'm in love with him.

What makes you think that?

I don't know really.

I mean, he's funny -looking. He acts a bit strange.

I can't imagine what anyone would see in him.

I don't even know why I keep seeing him.

Oh, dear.

What? That's love, all right.

What do you think?

Oh, I don't know. It's all so confusing.

I mean, I thought that when it happened, I'd know.

Do you know what I mean?

Oh, yes, we know.

Welcome to the land of the grown -ups, ha -ha.

Was it like... No, no, don't worry, don't worry. What?

I was going to say, was it like that for you and Dad?

I mean, did you start off all confused about him?

That's right.

Then after a while, it got worse.

So, it's all right about staying over?

Oh, yes, I know him. He'll take it all in his stride.

You don't mind carrying that? Cos I think I pulled a muscle when we dropped

fridge. No, it's cool.

Oh, er... I forgot.

Someone else have got to get...

All right.

Good thing I remembered.

Come on, Harry. Here.

Dad, grab it.

Wish we hadn't had that drink before we left.

Where's the toilet?

Er, just over there behind them gates.

Cheers. If I'm not barking at her, I'll send a search party.

All right.

Right. Harry, I want you to catch the frisbee cat.

All right? Stay there.

No, don't follow me. Go back.

and Declan should be back by now.

Oh, well, you know what boys are like.

And I'm sure they're not like that.

Anyway, we can't leave until Dad gets back.

No.

Well, we might as well do something useful.

What are you doing? Reading the instructions.

Top bit's torn off.

What about that one over there?

It's the same. They must have got damp in the store.

Well, why do you want to know?

So we can start.

No, we can't. Why not?

It's a man thing.

That'd be ridiculous.

But what if we mess it up? I am going to start it off. I'll be back in a minute.

Yes, but we've got nearly everything here.

Two, using the spreading tool provided.

That must be this.

Spread evenly on a clean, dry surface and wait until the glue goes tacky. See?

Just like spreading sandwiches.

You're a big sandwich, aren't I? Oh, don't be so wet. Ah, but what about

one?

It's obviously take the lid off. What else could it be?

Oh,

God,

that smells terrible.

You should smell David's sports kit.

Verona, you'd better lock the door in case they walk straight in and walk all

over it. Oh, right.

Right?

Bill, do you really think we should do this?

Well, it can't be that difficult if Ben does it.

After all, we're not completely stupid.

Nothing can really happen.

Go!

Declan?

Declan?

Declan?

Come on, Helen.

David!

You know this boy?

Yeah.

You get used to it

after a while, don't you?

Yes.

To what?

The smell.

You can't

smell

anything, can you?

to the smell.

Like my fair lady?

Yes.

What?

Don't you remember at the end you got a custom to the smell?

No.

That would be teethy -oopy anyway.

What do you think it is then?

Totally clean puke.

managed all right up to now.

No, no, no, no. Better be safe than sorry.

Right.

What

do

you think you're doing?

What a special egg you, isn't it?

this to be a bit better

You think you can make it?

Yeah, totally.

Should be all right. Take it one step at a time.

Good.

Because I don't think I can move.

It's so painful.

What did you have to go and nick something for?

I was going to ask how much it was.

Is that the truth? I can't help the way I look.

You just jumped to conclusions.

Right. I think we'd better take you home to have an official word with your

foster mother.

But she's not at home.

Well, we better go there then.

All this for a tube of glue.

Are you just going to try it?

Yeah. We know what that stuff can do to you.

You managing?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, well, don't tie yourself up. Oh, sorry.

It's all right.

Yeah, keep going straight all the way till you get to the traffic lights.

I'll just get the bus home, and don't do it again.

you think about it, innit?

No, you're right, it's not, is it?

Quite aside from the fact that I now have a permanent floor covering

of sundry items of women's discarded clothing.

It's hard to imagine how this could possibly have been a worse day.

Mum, Declan wants a word.

Oh?

Go on.

I just wanted to tell you that I did go to the shop near the park.

Yes?

And the bloke inside, I was trying to...

David made me go back there and explain everything.

The shop man understood in the end.

What did you go in there for, anyway?

I wanted some glue.

What?

I knocked it off the table this morning.

Oh, thank goodness.

I always hated that one anyway.

Did you?

It would have been simpler if you'd just told us, you know.

Right.

Just try and be more careful next time, eh? Then no -one gets hurt.

Like you.

David, you were in charge of him.

I know.

You did the right thing.

Thanks.

You, er, all right now?

Oh, yeah, I guess so.

You must be pretty tired out, eh? Oh, no, I'm fine.

What? I like a lot of exercise, yeah. Do it every day.

Oh. I just came down for some water.

Sir, Jen all right, is she?

She's got a headache.

Has she now?

Yeah. Never mind.

I like a challenge. Yeah.