Original subtitles

Your phone's ringing.

So it is.

Hello?

Yes, we will pay for the call.

Jenny, how was the journey?

Oh, good.

Well, I'm glad you're safe.

Oh, it's her.

Is the room nice?

Oh, good. Well, you have a nice time. And you will remember to... Yes, I

actually want you to use the word pill.

Good.

Right, I'll see you when you get back.

Bye.

You never let me go on holiday with my friends. Yes, well, we could have all

a proper holiday if your father hadn't bought that stupid car.

What?

Oh, you want to know what that is?

My girlfriend, Maxine.

Oh, hello, Maxine. Hello. You didn't tell me you had a girlfriend. Would she

like a sandwich as well? I don't eat flesh. It doesn't have the life force.

Cup of tea, then.

It doesn't have the life force.

Maxine's a vegan.

Oh, that's the one near Jupiter, isn't it?

She's psychic.

Well, I'm just going upstairs to put these clothes away.

Yes, I know.

Hiya. Is Jen ringing yet? Yes, she's all unpacked and looking forward to going

out. Christine says there's this great beach there. Oh, you mustn't tell anyone

Jenny's room's empty.

I only told Christine.

Careless talk costs lives. What if you know who finds out?

Did your mother know?

J. Edgar Hoover didn't wear a dress. It was mum all the time.

I've bleached everything.

What about the sink?

Including the sink. What sort of bleach?

Oh, lemon fresh.

No, that's no good. If it doesn't smell of neat chlorine, she won't be

satisfied.

It's still bleach. Not to her. She'll give her lecture on germs.

Germs? They're about this size and they fly around the room looking for dirt.

They do.

They lurk down your plughole waiting to give you diarrhoea, sickness, vomiting

and leprosy.

Of course, it's up to you.

I'll do it again.

I've got the grand box. Good.

Hideous china cat.

Horrible glazed vase.

Ghastly gold thing.

Vile brooch.

Beautiful kitchen mat.

Is that all?

Yes. Just a minute. Come back here.

Oh, well, well, well, what do we have here?

Oh, no, Mum, you can't make me. She'll be terribly hurt.

Oh, this is child abuse.

I suppose this is another...

What is it? A Volkswagen?

Not exactly, no.

It's uncomfortable enough to be German.

Come in, Mum. Hello, Phil.

Hello. Oh, you're here, are you?

No, I was just going.

Changed your perfume, I see.

That's a tarty as the last one.

It reminds me of swimming pools.

Yes, has quite nice fresh smell.

Oh, remember me to your Auntie Pearl, won't you?

How could we ever forget?

This is Harry saying hello.

Oh, isn't he lovely?

I won't touch him, though, because of worms.

I didn't get him anything.

Oh, no, Mum. No, no, I insist, I insist.

It's 15p.

Thanks. And don't spend it all on sweeties, will you?

Oh, thanks.

Why don't I take your things upstairs?

No, it's all right, I'm doing that. It's all right, I don't mind.

No, I'm doing that. I'm doing that. Give it to me.

No, because you want to stay down here and say hello to Graham.

I'll make the tea.

that she knows I'm the weakest.

Oh, you'll be all right. Just be careful what you say.

Has everybody left me?

No!

Well,

it's nice to see you again, Bette. Yes.

Isn't it nice, Ben, that Jenny's room is empty most of the time?

Yeah, but it's just for a few days because we've got an exchange student

next week. Yes, but once she goes to university, it'll be empty.

Won't he? Yeah, but she's coming back at weekends.

But not during the week.

No.

So it'll be empty most of the time, won't it?

Oh, Bill!

Yeah,

Ben was just telling me that Jenny's room will be empty most of the time.

Was he? No, I wasn't.

Stop tormenting him. You know he's not worthy of your powers.

won't we, Ben? Yes.

You know how much we like seeing you back.

Oh, dear, who could that be?

Oh, what are you doing here?

Sorry to bother you, but we've been called out on an urgent plumbing job.

dear.

Is it a big job?

We might be there until late this afternoon.

Oh, well, never mind.

Tutti -cool. See you later.

We don't want him here for this.

For what?

Haven't you noticed the date?

The date? It... Oh, sorry. Oh, don't worry, don't worry. I completely forgot.

Oh, don't worry.

What's going on? Oh, nothing. Are you seeing Maxine today?

Well, we were going to go and see a movie, but she always spoils it by

me what the end's going to be.

Why don't you change into something more comfortable and find out what she's

doing? What about Gran?

Oh, no, we've got things to do. I'll catch up with you later, love.

You sure you don't mind? No.

I'll see you later, then.

Perhaps I should have told him. No, he's young.

He won't remember your father.

He just crept up on me this year. I should have realised when you said you

coming down. It's ten years this year, you know.

I miss him too, Mum.

You all right? Yes, I'm all right.

It's just that this is a bit difficult for me.

Of course it is. You were married all those years.

Shall we go and get the flowers?

You don't have to, you know.

No, I want to. I always put mine next to yours, don't I? Yes.

Then you compare them.

We'll go and get them after we've had this tea, shall we?

It won't be long.

Don't rush, I'll be fine.

You ready?

I suppose so.

Hello, Dad.

Here we are again.

Brought you these.

Mum.

I can't do it.

Come,

Mum.

You're all right.

It isn't really in there, you know.

Of course I know.

It's just a plaque.

You gave me the remains to... scattering the gardens.

I know.

Shall I show you where I put the ashes? Would that be better?

No, it wouldn't.

I got them out of the living room fire grate.

Sorry.

Well, I gave it a good riddle that morning, you see, and I picked the ashes

and put them into that urn thing.

Are you telling me... that the ashes I scattered were... Coalite!

You'll get a very good blaze once you get it going.

I don't understand.

Oh, well, first of all, you see, you screw up some paper, and then you put

kindling on top of that, and then... What are you talking about? We've been

coming here and doing this every year since 1988.

I know.

I know.

What, in order to visit some coalite?

No, not exactly, cos I emptied the ashtray in as well.

I thought it would give him a bit of colour, you see.

I thought it was him.

I know.

I'm sorry.

Sorry? That was a terrible thing for you to do.

It was very upsetting for me to scatter those. If I'd known at the time it was

half a coal gutter and 20 silk cut, it would have made more sense.

Yes, I know.

I'm very sorry, but at that time it was too late to stop it.

Why did you do it?

give you his real ashes.

You wanted to keep them at home?

No.

Well, where are they then?

There aren't any.

What are you saying?

That he isn't actually... Oh, no, no, no, nothing like that, no. It's just

I didn't have him cremated.

You had him buried?

No.

Where is he then?

I had him frozen.

you know. It's just a down payment, then afterwards you just have to pay for the

electricity. I don't care.

Why on earth did you do that?

Well, it seemed a good thing to do at the time. I'd seen it on Tomorrow's

And you know, he was always very interested in that sort of thing.

So where actually is he?

He's in a warehouse in Bermondsey.

I suppose it doesn't really make any difference.

After all, as you said, we always knew he wasn't really here.

No.

Why did you decide to tell me this today?

Well, last week, I had this letter by special

delivery.

Yes?

I didn't see you out there. You must be frozen.

Funny you should say that.

Slight change of plan. We need to get to Cryonics Resort, Old Oak Industrial

Estate, Bermondsey.

Oh, by the way, David rang on your mobile.

He wanted to know where you'd gone.

Just tell him Mum's gone to Iceland.

There's an unearthly aura in this house.

Oh, that?

We had had it last night.

We are

alone. Yeah.

Mum just rang to say she's taking Gran somewhere.

This is our chance.

Draw the curtains.

Oh. Right.

Sit near me.

Closer.

If you like.

Shall we do it?

I'm game if you are.

I've got the things.

I got a new pack yesterday.

you've been paying these people yes he's on direct debit like the tv why do they

want you to come here do you want me to come with you no i'll sort it out then

we can all go home

That's all right.

Is there another entrance to this place?

No. It's all locked up now.

Locked up?

Went into liquidation two days ago.

Receivers came in and stripped the place, didn't they? That's right.

that wasn't bolted down.

But we got this.

Oh, you got one of these. Why didn't you say?

What?

Here we are.

B667. That's the one.

Sign here.

Actually... Top -of -the -line model, I see.

Very nice.

I thought we were going to have trouble with this.

There's a vacuum cleaner parts warehouse in here on Monday. You've got

transportation?

Yes, but... We'll give you a hand up, will we?

Bill? No, we haven't come to take it.

You signed for it.

I know, but... Well, don't worry.

It'll be all right for half an hour without being plugged in.

The temperature rise is above the limit. There's an auto alarm.

You can't leave him here, Bill.

Mum, you're not being very practical.

We can't take this. He is your father.

Now, lift that up.

Like this?

Shall I turn over?

Yes, and put it on top of that one.

You are going to have a visitor.

That would be grand.

No, not a woman.

He's been on a recent journey.

Where?

I can't see. It's misty.

Like snow falling.

I think I'd better go now.

Ah, well, it's just getting interesting.

What's going on?

Maxine's just telling our fortune.

Huh? Anything interesting?

The key is far, far away.

What? I don't know.

She's always saying stuff like that.

Where's your mum?

She'll be back any minute.

Bye.

So, have you two been, uh... What?

What does she mean, the key is far, far away?

I don't know.

Some things seem to worry her, though.

He forgot me keys.

Oh!

What?

What? Um, would you help us carry something in from the car?

Well, it isn't often we're all together like this.

What am I supposed to be looking up, anyway?

Undertakers. Mum!

What are they going to do with him?

Well, can't they, you know... What?

Bury him? In a fridge in a cemetery with ample electrical power points?

Can't they?

Yeah, can't they?

I hope nobody was going to say defrost him.

He is my father. He does mean rather more to me than a decrust pizza.

Yeah. I'm sorry.

Do you remember the day we moved in here?

Yes. And we had trouble with the completion. You know, yuppies doing

conveyancing. So we had to stay at Tina's for the weekend and put all the

furniture into storage.

Yes. And you said, what about the freezer?

And they said, don't worry, we can plug it in for you at the warehouse.

Are you suggesting that we hand over my father's remains to Pickford?

loads of stuff in there that... Yeah, you're right. I'll just shut up.

What about talking pages?

Ask for what?

Well, there must be other companies that do this kind of thing. Try one of them.

Oh, yes, it's worth a try.

Here we are. Nice cup of tea.

Right.

So, how's it going?

Milk, David?

Yes, please.

Just like your grandad.

There you are.

more pleasant.

I don't think his wire would reach. Oh, no. Just a minute. Just a minute. Just a

minute. Just a minute. Just a minute.

She's probably still a bit shocked.

Still a bit barking.

David, go and distract her.

How? Show her something in the garden.

What? Why?

I don't want her to hear this. She'll up their thing.

Hello. Walking pages.

Don't know what to ask for here, really.

But, um... My father is frozen.

No, it's not his heating.

He's actually frozen. He was frozen after... Oh, do you?

Yes. All of them, please.

Yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Thank you.

Three. Well, it's three more than we had before.

Well, there you are. One of them must be able to take him. Not necessarily.

It's ringing.

Why?

He's already frozen.

He might only take ones they freeze themselves.

Oh, no. This is the one we got him from.

Why would they only take ones they freeze themselves?

What's the difference?

They might just freeze heads.

Number unattainable.

What? Some people just have their heads frozen.

What if it was just his head that was frozen? We could keep it in our freezer.

Well, that's what some people do.

I wonder if they could actually just, you know, take off his head.

I can't do all of this, you know.

Sorry. I mean, hello?

Yes.

This may seem like rather a strange question, but do you take people that

already been frozen?

You do?

Um, yes. I've got him right here.

London, W4.

Would you?

That's great.

Thank you.

They're going to ring back with the details.

Well, there we are, you see? I told you. This whole thing's a nightmare. I don't

know what possessed my mother to do such a stupid thing. Bill.

How long have you been listening?

All the time. You can hear every word in the kitchen.

I'm sorry. I thought it might be upsetting for you.

What is there to be upset about?

Did you find somebody?

Yes.

Hello?

You can.

Great.

142 Chepstow Road.

That's right.

Yes. Bye.

They're coming to pick him up in a special van.

It's probably the best thing.

Oh, yes, it is the best thing, yes.

Well, if you don't mind, I'll go and have a lie down.

Oh, dear.

So when are they coming for him? First thing in the morning.

Tomorrow? They're in Scotland. They'll have to drive down overnight.

Overnight? You mean we'll have to keep him here during the night?

Yeah. No wonder Matt's been legged in.

Yes.

Well, I think I'd better be going.

Tony will be worried and...

I'll see you tomorrow.

What's the matter with her?

She's totally spooked by the idea of him being here as well.

I can't imagine why.

Why does he have to make so much noise?

Can't we turn him down?

No.

I could leave knowing he's down there.

Well, I'm not bringing him up here.

You never said you should.

It just makes me uneasy.

Why?

Well, I thought I'd come to terms with him being gone, and now he's back.

Well, now he isn't, not really.

I know.

It's just, when you're gone, you're supposed to be gone, not hang around in

relatives' houses.

It's just for tonight.

He doesn't want to be here.

Well, shall I go down and ask him?

I mean, he can't hear us, can he?

Can he?

Close the door.

Attention. Stand by. He just went off. He can hear

us. Stand by. There's just an alarm.

What are we doing?

Where's the remote control?

It's not the car alarm.

Well, it says optimum temperature.

Oh, no, it must have written above the pay temperature. Do something.

I'm trying.

Reset. Well, shall I push it? I don't know.

Oh, come on.

Well,

that seems to have done it. Oh, thank God. Perhaps there was a momentary power

cut or something. No, the streetlights stayed on.

Anyway, it seems all right now.

Come to bed.

Tell you which is all the best bits.

Come in.

Mum, are you all right?

Yes, I just want to stop here for a bit. I'll be up in a minute. All right,

night -night.

Sleep tight.

Chance will be a fine thing.

Would you like a drink?

No, thanks, love, no.

I'm sure it was what David said, just a power cut.

No, it wasn't.

Well, what do you think it was, then? It was me. I had a look inside.

What? You couldn't see anything. It was all frosty.

wanted to see if he was in there.

Is he? No.

No?

Oh, his body's in there, but that's not him, is it?

No.

I suppose I thought if I had him kept like this, he wouldn't really have gone

away. But now I know he has.

We'd have to manage without him.

Yes. Did I tell you about when the ambulance was coming when he had his

attack?

and he made me make him a great big breakfast.

Fried eggs, sausages, bacon, fried bread, the lot.

He said hospital food was horrible and he ate it all before he got on the

stretcher.

Oh, that was your father.

Yeah.

He was quite a man, wasn't he? Quite a man.

Oh, dear.

Bye -bye, Jim.

We'll still take flowers to the usual place.

Bye, Dad.

Bye.

I'll speak to you tomorrow, yeah?

Nothing still won't come round.

She says something unearthly will remain in the house.

She's funny sometimes.

All right, Mum?

Yes, I think I'll be getting back.

Whenever I'm away from home, I'm always worrying in case somebody breaks in.

You know that can't happen, Mum. We had all those locks put on your doors and

windows. Yeah, nobody could ever get out... in.

Yeah, nice to see you again, Beth.

Give us a ring as soon as you're back.

Do you want to put my handbag down somewhere?

No, I don't think so.

Everything's in it. Me train tickets are in it. Oh, don't panic.

Oh, and me keys.

They're the only set I've got.

Don't worry, you can just stay here until we've found them. What?

However long it takes.

When did you last see them?

Wait, me handbag? When did you last see your handbag?

Er, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Er, it was last night, just after I opened the freezer.

I put it down on something cold.