All language subtitles for 2Point4 Children s07e03 Malcolm X.eng

You could be skiing in the mountains two
hours later, swimming in the Pacific.

Avocados in the back garden.

My brother said we can stay at his
house.

It'll be OK until we get fixed up.

Anything's better than this dump of a
country.

Well, what am I going to do with those
Lindisfarne tickets?

I've got a load of washing for the
laundrette.

I can't go and leave Mum just like that.

Bill.

I'm asking you to marry me.

Yes, I know.

Malcolm, I need time to think.

It's all so sudden.

This is the moment that'll decide
everything.

That'll be five quid, please, darling.

Get up, I can manage.

Thanks for doing the dishes.

Thanks for hanging up the washing.

By the way, when I said take the rubbish
out, dumping it on the floor is not

quite what I had in mind.

I asked you, Walter.

Oh, what's the use?

Is everything all right?

Yes, it's wonderful.

Oh, OK.

And the subtitles, for those of the hard
-of -thinking reads, know it bloody

well isn't. I left this house clean and
tidy two hours ago, and I'd come back to

find this room, which would look better
if I'd got Chumbawamba round to trash

it.

Well, I was going to do it in a minute.
In a minute.

Tomorrow.

When the Teletubbies have elocution
lessons.

Oh, what?

Well, why didn't you then?

All the things to do.

And who's been sticking to the phone?

Oh, actually, you.

Right. Somebody phoned for you
yesterday.

Well, thanks for telling me.

It's blank.

Didn't have a pen.

I see.

Um... Do I get to know who it is? Are
you saving that till tomorrow?

Hang on, hang on.

Malcolm, someone.

I don't know anyone called Malcolm. Said
he was over on business from the

States. Got the number from your mum.

Malcolm?

Malcolm Walker?

Yeah, that's it. He said he popped round
this afternoon.

He's coming here? When?

Half past four.

Oh, God!

Who's Malcolm?

If you might know, he's an old
boyfriend.

Ooh!

What do you mean, ooh? It was ages ago.

Yeah, your mum was entitled to a pass,
you know. Malcolm!

Keep her time, Malcolm!

Arrival.

Just getting a little bit hot under the
collar.

Hot under the collar. Look at this.

What do I have to be worried about from
that?

There's no denying these two. Hi.

And you must be Ben.

Thought I'd drop in out of the blue like
this.

Hope I'm not keeping you from anything.

Gladiators, but we're taping it.

So, you're an old flame then? Oh, Jenny,
Malcolm and I are old friends.

Come on, Bill, no need to be coy.

We nearly got married.

Right, well, that was great. Next time
you're passing through London.

Married? Yeah, I wanted to go to
California.

Bill didn't.

You turned down California. You're mad.

Well, I was worried about leaving Mum.

You could have bonged her in a home.

She was 45.

Look, if this is a bit awkward, maybe I
shall... No, no, no way.

Any ex -fiancé of Bill's who went off to
America wearing a kipper tie 20 years

ago and then comes back a rich and
successful businessman, much to

surprise, I don't mind.

What are you all standing around here
for? Let's sit down.

You know, I remember that last dinner we
had together as if it was yesterday.

Remember the blizzard?

And we drank Bacardi and Coke.

Remember the plumber with the cleavage?

Oh, uh, we could just do a little thing.

A watch?

Ah, it's also a recorder for memos.

Hello, sucker, guess what I'm doing
tonight?

Press that.

Hello, sucker, guess what I'm doing
tonight?

No question.

You can't give us all that, will you?
Yes, you can.

Right, well, shall we have some tea?

I'd love to, but promise me one thing.

You won't let me bore you with all my
stories.

Promise?

Suddenly, there's a massive splash.

I go running out on the balcony, and
there, in the swimming pool, is a fully

clothed Kevin Costner.

He looks up at me and says, Malky, I
thought the Waterworld auditions were

next Tuesday.

Come on, then. Let's take more photos.

Oh, no, you don't want to see any more.
Oh, yes, we do. Oh, no, you don't. We

do. No, we don't.

One photo, please, Malky.

OK.

This is the view from my bedroom
balcony. That is the whole of the

Hills.

That's my house right there, just under
the ollie at the time.

And that is the view from my main
window.

Oh, why can't we have a view like that?

If you stand on the chest in David's
room, you can see the Hammersmith

Should I?

Well, that's enough of me going on and
on.

Don't worry about Ben. He gets ratty on
days he hasn't been on the swing.

I'd better be going.

No doubt Ben's got all sorts of plans
for you tonight.

Oh, yes, a mega -bucket from Kentucky
Fried Chicken, wasn't it?

And a game of Kaplunk, if you please.

So, how long are you in London for?

Till Friday.

We're launching our latest software.

There's up to Scotland to catch up on
some golf for the weekend.

And I'm to Paris.

Right.

What are you doing this week?

Apart from work. Oh, doing the VAT,
clearing the drain cover, trying to fish

arthritis bangle out of the waste
disposal.

No time for lunch?

Sorry.

Just got the fold drawn by myself, then.

So you're never married?

You're a tough act to follow, Bill.

And Kevin Costner lived next door.

And Arnold Schwarzenegger shared a flat
with Batman across the road.

And Donald Duck ran the corner shop.

Yeah, well, we've got famous people here
in Chiswick, you know. Oh, yeah.

There's a woman down the road who's got
a friend whose cousin's Reg Varney's

dentist.

Are you still out there? What's going
on?

Nothing.

You do? I don't. You do? I don't. You
still fancy him, I

can tell.

Well, OK, I might still have a bit of a
soft spot.

I knew it!

Rona, I said a soft spot. We're not
talking nine and a half weeks.

Not any more, anyway.

Still presses all the right buttons. No!

I haven't forgotten the old pin number.
Look, just forget about Malcolm, will

you? I will if you will. Rona, I'm
telling you, if your phone rang right

it was him asking me out, I'd say no.

Hello?

What?

Yes, it is.

Well, it's a bit sudden, but... All
right, I will.

Yes. All right, then.

I did.

I just ordered 12 extra kilos of salami
from the meat hole sale.

Oh, very funny.

Hello? Yes, Bill Porter, yes, she is.
Who shall I say is calling?

It's him.

Hello?

Tomorrow?

I really don't think I can.

Look, I can't talk now. Maybe I'll call
you back later.

All right.

Bye.

He just asked me away to Scotland for
the weekend.

What? Oh, separate rooms, just as
friends.

Oh!

Oh, it would have been lovely, wouldn't
it?

Crackling fires, silver service meals,
walks in the glen, someone to make your

bed, those tiny little soaps that you
steal every day.

Why do you automatically say would have
been?

Well, you wouldn't, would you? Why are
you so certain of that?

Oh, you just wouldn't. You're a mother,
you're sensible.

I see.

Well, say people are like cars. You
know, I'm sort of a second -hand MG,

overheating, bit on the wild side,
and... And I'm a full fiesta with one

owner. Yes, no, I mean... Apart from
mine to go, I really have.

Really? Well, it's worse than ever at
home.

They're all just so incapable of doing
anything for themselves, and they're

turning me into a sour, tired,
resentful, angry, hectoring old bat.

They're just being a bit thoughtless at
the moment.

Why don't you sit them down, explain how
you feel, and then tomorrow morning you

can have a nice lie -in and wake up to
breakfast in bed.

going to give me breakfast in bed?

Oh, yeah.

Tell you what, you go back and I'll get
you a burger.

Jenny, you said you were going to start
on that ironing.

I'll do it later.

Hold this a sec.

It's been half an hour strapping
yourself to a chimney, only to find out

need a Philips.

I know, I know. I said I was going to do
it, but we've run out of Hoover bags.

And when I went down the high street to
get some more, the bloke showed me this

new model. Look at that. giant screen
surrounds our 97 satellite channels. And

we've got it on a free trial period
until the end of April. Nothing to pay

then, subject to status.

Oh, and I forgot the Hoover bags.

Just a minute.

I can't believe you've done this. You
know how I feel about those things.

Why didn't you consult me before you
brought it into the house?

Well, you won't have to. This is exactly
the sort of thing I was trying to

explain to you about last night. Don't
you realise how it makes me feel?

I would like to feel valued in this
house.

Valued? Well, you should have said.

I did try to drop a few hints.

Yeah, well, we're not very good at
hints.

You know us. You really have to spell
things out.

Spell it out? Yeah.

Right.

Let's go, okay?

I phoned Malcolm from upstairs. He's
meeting me at the airport.

What are you going to tell Ben?

I really don't care.

Brilliant, it's me he's going to ask.

Tell him I'm staying with someone, one
of my old school friends.

Lie to him?

Doesn't it feel like telling him the
truth?

I'll lie to her, he'll be kinder.

Which of these old school friends are
you staying with exactly?

What about that one up in Yorkshire, you
know, with the funny leg?

Funny leg? Yes, you're always talking
about her. She's got a husband who loves

Jonathan Ross and her son's in a mental
hospital.

Gloria Connors?

Yeah. She's got a funny leg.

Made me laugh.

She seems to certainly like the shape of
Diana Ross before.

She won't like that.

Spatter, anyway. What about her?

She's dead.

Oh, typical. Where is she when we need
her?

Mary Binney, she'll do, lives in
Hastings with yards of chintz and a sick

She's trying to get him to visit her for
15 years. Tell him it's her.

Bill, I hope you know what you're doing.

Relax. Nothing's going to happen. We're
just old friends.

Oh, God.

Try the freezer. Sometimes it gets a
load from there.

One haddock fillet.

What's happened?

What? Mum hasn't done the weekend shop.

She can't go away without doing the
weekend shop.

Look, it's no problem. We can do it.
Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.

Well, you sometimes go with her, don't
you? Try and remember what she gets.

Yeah, well, I just pushed the trolley.
She's bungled the stuff in.

Right.

We start off in the greeny vegetable -y
bit. She puts a lot of stuff in now.

Then we go up to the warm bit.

Then it's the cold bit.

It's the very smelly bit where everyone
wears white coats and we have to take a

ticket.

Then there's the bit with all the
bottles.

Then we're at the checkout.

The trolley's full of stuff by now.

I have a cream egg from the sweet rack.

That's it.

Brilliant. What would we do without you?

I know.

Shall I ask Rona to do it? That's
ridiculous.

Surely we can do our own shopping. Yeah,
yeah, you're right. We're big boys now.

We can crack this one together.

Look, it's quite simple.

That one's 20 minutes at 180.

This one's 30 minutes at 170. Hang on,
hang on.

20 at 180.

170 at...

30... 30 is 170.

Hang on a minute.

Our oven only goes up till 9.

That means it'll take... 20 and a half
hours.

Of course, your gas. No, in that case,
it's 20 for 9 or 30 for 7.

Don't you bet 7? That's a cricket score.

Oh, no, sorry, other way round. 7 for
30.

7 for 7 .30.

7 for 30.

Where's the baking tray?

No, it's all right around here. Look,
you run along.

If I get into trouble, I'll just give
Bill a ring.

Who's she staying with? Mary somebody?

Mary Binnie, but she's ex -directory.
Well, you've got a number, haven't you?

No. Look, I've got to make your lunch
for you.

All right.

Six, four, two, three, five, one.

Don't bring her.

I'll make all your meals.

All right.

Verona, I'm watching the golf.

You can't. What?

It's bad for your sight.

Aye? Yeah, apparently they've done a
study. All that watching that little

flying... through the air can really put
a strain on the retina. Mum!

You've got to get the decision right.

If he flies it over the top, he can run
right through to the back of the green

if he... Dad, run, there's some food in
there.

Mum!

Wait a minute, that's Scotland, isn't
it? Isn't that Malcolm?

You told us he was in Hastings.

Well, there's nothing in it.

They're tucked up there as old friends,
separate rooms.

It's all completely innocent, Ben.

Ben?

Hello, sucker. Guess what I'm doing
tonight.

Hello, sucker.

Guess what I'm doing tonight.

Hello, sucker.

Guess what I'm doing tonight.

Hello, sucker. Guess what... Hello,
sucker. Guess... Hello, sucker. Guess

I'm doing. Hello, sucker. Guess what I'm
doing tonight. Here we are.

We don't want to be sitting in the dark
getting depressed.

I know loads of girls have been away for
weekends with guys just as friends and

thought nothing of it.

Well, not exactly loads, but at least
one.

Actually, for the whole weekend. But it
was dinner.

And nothing happened.

Well, not that night, anyway. But the
point is, you can trust Bill.

It's just a weekend away.

Let her have a break for once.

Yeah, I suppose you're right.

Come on.

You've got to eat something.

You've got all these channels now. There
must be something worth watching.

Today on Oprah, six wives who cheated on
their husbands.

Soon, the defeated male slinks away to
die while the

victorious alpha male prepares to mate
with...

of television for one day.

Look, Rona, it's all right. I really
don't mind what she's doing.

We found out what she's doing.

What do you mean?

We made a few calls from David Sassonet.
They're at the Drummond Rocket Castle

Hotel. We've nailed their every move
into sticking in. I don't want to know.

They are in two separate rooms. She's in
214 and he's in 457. That confirms.

Hey, what did I tell you?

However, according to the building plans
we got from the hotel's website, room

214 is here and room 457 is here and can
be reached by going down the fire

escape. Rusting the curtain and cutting
through the kitchen.

Room 457, just for the record, is one of
three bridal suites with the TV.

Well, that's probably enough to be going
on for now. So far today, they've

watched the golf, gone to the swimming
pool, had champagne cocktails in the

library, and at the moment they're
having dinner together.

Shut up.

Thank you. Thank you.

I could get used to this.

Well, it wasn't always like this.

When I first arrived in the US, I found
myself out on the street within a week.

I thought your brother said you could
stay at his flat.

Yes, but he didn't tell me it was in an
earthquake zone.

I came home one afternoon, found my room
halfway down the cliff and in the

Pacific. Oh, no!

Yeah.

There I was in a cheap motel, thinking
about everything that I'd left behind.

I missed you too, you know.

Really?

Never wrote.

No.

I thought it was the best one.

It's walking late.

Yeah.

Happy with the room?

Yes. Very nice.

Can't be changed for my own.

Mine's nice too.

I'm sure it is.

I think I'll go up now.

Iron Room 457.

Yes, I know.

I don't want to wait another 20 years.

Hello, can I have room 214, please?

Just connecting you.

Ah, Bill!

Bill, it's Ben. I'm sorry, sir.

What are you doing? Shh, get back to
bed.

You've done it. Dad. It's all right. I
won't be long. There's just something I

have to pop out and get. Where are you
going?

Scotland.

Just keep calm. Keep calm. Keep your
dignity.

Look, Malcolm, I respect your feelings
for Bill, but we're all adults here and

we have to control our feelings.

Up yours, sunshine!

Starving. I'll have the full English
breakfast with toast and croissant.

Oh, an extra marmalade, please.

Tea or coffee, madam?

Coffee, please.

After that night, I'll need to wake up a
bit.

Now, I know this is a difficult
situation, but what then?

Are you home in trouble? Yes, I've just
had a blowout.

Is this the road to the Drummond's
Rocket Castle Hotel?

That's right. Are you on your way there?
Yeah.

Oh, thank God.

Don't mention it. Bye.

I know this is difficult, but we're all
adults here.

No, no, no, that's not right.

Bill!

Bill!

There you are.

I was looking for you at breakfast.

I got up early.

You look great this morning.

Like a log.

You're telling me.

I phoned your room three times last
night.

No answer.

Oh. Well, um, I had to wear earplugs. I
got them from reception.

Earplugs? Yes, my room faces the
outside, and all I could hear was the

of the deer.

Deer?

Salmon.

Well, whatever they were.

Anyway, I like to have the window open,
so I, uh... sleep in a hat, which is why

I couldn't hear the phone when it was
ringing, or even know it was ringing at

all, which I do because you just told
me.

Well, it was almost tonight.

Yes.

So it's a date.

Malcolm, I'd be a liar if I didn't admit
that I still think an awful lot of you.

I love Ben.

Ben?

Yes, I know you wouldn't think it to
look at him, but he's very sensitive,

thoughtful, and above all, gentle.

Hi.

Ben, what are you doing here?

Malcolm.

Don't get your things, you're coming
back for me. I will not.

Well, you're not staying here with him.
I can do exactly what I like, Malcolm.

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

What do you think you're doing? You
can't just arrive here and knock a

completely innocent man to the ground.

Malcolm!

Oh!

Shee! Search me.

I'd like to introduce you to Harriet, my
wife.

Your wife?

Yes. Thought you were in Paris, darling.

Did you be home by

lunchtime?

Tell you the truth, I was getting a bit
fed up with all that fancy food and

people doing everything for you. Really?

Yes. Good.

Because all we've got at home is boiling
the bag of haddock and no one's done

the washing up since you've left.

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