Original subtitles

Right, I've done all the housework, Rona's out getting the sandwich things,

your father's finally gone to get a new car.

There's just one more thing needed to turn this into a perfect day.

Come on, you've been sitting there for hours.

Come on, have to get some exercise.

I don't think he wants to.

I don't care what he wants. Harry, come here.

I said come here.

What's the matter with him? He never used to be like this.

Dad took him to obedience classes.

First evening's when you do your baking.

You need his special whistle.

Special whistle?

Yeah, the instructor said he can't concentrate and he gets too easily

distracted. He'll come when he hears this.

Broken? No, it isn't. It's higher than we can hear.

He says it's the only thing that gets the attention of dogs that are not very

bright. He didn't move.

Well, do it again.

Louder. Oh.

I'm coming, can't anybody else do the kettle boiling?

did you buy him that?

Well, it was his birthday and I knew he'd started collecting Barbies.

I ran off with it in the park. I had to give the girl another five pounds.

We'll have to watch him chewing her up all evening.

Yes, you're right. It's probably worth it.

There are too many coats on here again.

What are you doing?

Giving myself highlights.

Highlights? Everyone's doing it.

You can't. What will Dad say? Nothing. I'll ask him why he hasn't gone grey

So gullible.

It's peroxide. How else can I go blonde?

You look like a cheap tart.

Well, since you're the expert in that, will you help me put it on? No, no, no.

I paid good money for this. Now eat it.

There's dots in the third world. You'll be grateful for that.

Can you put those coats back up to your bedroom, please?

I suppose so.

Now, please.

Oh, no.

What?

It's come.

You didn't tell me. Why didn't you tell me? I didn't know anything had come.

And not just the letter. How do you know that's what it is?

I know.

Well?

Well, what?

Aren't you going to open it?

Yeah.

I need to sit down.

Shall I open it, then? No.

Well, it's not going to get out of there by itself unless it's from Houdini.

All right, then, you open it. Right.

But don't tell me what it says.

I'll have to tell you what it says.

I don't want to know. You will know. Why?

Because I won't be telling you.

Not necessarily.

You could not be telling me for some other reason. Such as what?

I don't know. You're the one not telling me. Yes, but... You open it. No, you

open it. Right, but I'm reading it straight out. Oh, God.

You tell my sister that it won't wash out whatever I do.

Will you tell my brother, good?

Tell my sister that when her real results come through, I hope they're

Tell my brother! Why can't you tell him yourself?

I'm not speaking to you.

What am I going to do about this?

I didn't hear that.

I was talking to Mum.

I said I was talking to Mum.

Did somebody say something? I didn't hear them. Oh, you're pathetic.

I'm not speaking to you. You just did.

Oh, very clever.

Tell my sister it was only a joke. Tell my brother so is his hair.

Just stop it, both of you. Tell each other your story and let that be an end

it. No, I'm not speaking to her. And I'm not speaking to him. All right, if you

want to behave like eight -year -olds, just leave me out of it.

Hello, come in.

Tell my sister I'm going into her room looking for a brown hair dye.

Tell my brother if he takes one step inside, I'm taking a poloid of his hair

sending it...

David Attenborough, where all the baby turtles hatch, run for the sea, and

immediately get gobbled up by seagulls before they can get there.

Yeah? What's that got to do with it?

Nothing. I just enjoy thinking about it.

Not bad. I've got the tomatoes, nice and ripe, like you said, and the basil

leaves. I love that smell.

What about the rest?

Well, it took me ages to find a religious shop, and I don't see how

going to help, even if it is a Mediterranean sandwich selection.

What? St.

Sebastian?

For what?

You told me to get them.

Sundry martyrs.

Sun -dried tomatoes.

Donna, you've got to stop that phone beeping in the middle of conversation.

I've got a lot of things I've got to remember to charge the batteries off.

Not this.

Tony has quite a collection of cordless tools.

Seven large ciabatta.

What is this?

A large Chewbacca.

He only had six.

Obi -Wan Kenobi.

How's the battery tonight?

Rona, it's not just this. These last few days, you seem to have lost all

concentration.

About half past three.

Is everything all right with you and Tony?

You're not worried about something and you don't want to say, are you?

I knew it!

I knew you'd guess sooner or later.

It's like trying to stop scary spice sticking her fingers in the electricity

socket.

I'm worrying about something.

What? I don't want to say.

Why not?

Just superstition. Please, please, don't ask me. I just want to...

I'd better take all these things back now and watch them for the right things.

Are you sure you're all right?

Yes. Oh,

I've got an old friend coming round about four.

If I'm not there, she might ring on your bell. Could you let her wait here?

Yes, of course. That's not what you've been worrying about, is it? Oh, no, not

her. She's seen it all. She's had 14 boyfriends, two husbands, some at the

time. We were at the convent together, so we don't have to hear her best

behaviour. Hardly. There's nothing she'd be surprised to see.

All right, then. See you later. Yes, bye. Bye.

Oh, come on. He doesn't know what it's like for you to be waiting for your

results. A 17 -year -old boy's idea of sensitivity is changing his socks more

than once a week.

Can you give a note to my brother, please?

If anyone wants me, I'll be back in my room.

This is for you.

from Jenny.

It was rather thoughtless of you, you know. She's very worried.

Let's give this to my sister, please.

This is ridiculous.

If anyone wants me, I'll be upstairs, shaving my head.

Good.

Wow, cool hair.

Oh, you're back.

Yes, what of it? I thought you were taking Harry for a long walk.

I did take Harry for a long walk. Why are you so apprehensive about me being

back? Oh, is that Magic Princess Barbie, the one with the pose of her arms?

Sorry,

no. No.

No reason at all.

So how's things?

Terrible.

Well? I sold it.

You did?

How much of the money did you use? All of it. And they took the part exchange,

no problem.

Oh. God, I thought we'd never get rid of that impractical car. You've no idea

what it's like turning up at the supermarket in a powder blue 50s car.

Yeah.

So, you got the Vectra?

No, not the Vectra, no. They weren't too keen on taking a Chevy at that place.

Oh, so you got the Rover then? In a sense, yeah.

In what sense?

In the sense that I didn't. Oh, okay, and you didn't get a Japanese one. No.

Well, what is it then? Is it outside?

Yeah. Come on, let's have a look at it.

Oh, God.

It's one of those French things.

We talked about this and you agreed.

It's time we had a sensible car.

I don't want to know about it rising up when you start up the engine. It doesn't

matter. But it costs a fortune to run.

Oh, well, I suppose it's better than the other thing. Have you got the keys?

You'd better get a residence parking permit soon or it'll get towed away.

This isn't the wrong key.

No, it isn't. Yes, it is. It won't fit the lock.

That's the wrong car.

Wrong car.

Well, I couldn't get my usual parking space.

This is it, up here.

on this?

Yeah.

It's sad one.

Are you sure?

Well, how do you know?

So they might put them up in the school windows first.

Oh, no.

Yeah, look, as soon as anyone says so.

Okay.

This is from your brother.

Are you only 50?

Yeah, I'll give it to you tomorrow.

Well, then, what do you think of the car?

It's not the real fab one. I wouldn't buy the real fab one.

Why not?

It's only this big.

And how does anyone get into it?

Nobody ever does get into it.

The real Thunderbird 1's only this big.

Scott Tracy's only this high. It just looks taller on a screen.

There's no such person as Scott... I know, I know, I know there's no such

as Scott Tracy. Somebody shattered my illusions on that subject years ago.

Well, you were 36.

Couldn't go on believing in Thunderbirds. Well, I didn't have much

I, after you informed me that all my childhood role models were made of paper

mache? That explains a lot.

Look, it's just a four -sized replica of Fab One, built by some fan.

So what?

So surely you can see why I bought it?

an investment.

Christine, would you pass over that tippet, please?

We can rent it out for weddings.

What bride in her right mind would want to turn up at church in a six -wheel, 25

-foot pink monstrosity?

Or funerals, then.

All right, no, no, not funerals. But special appearances. You know,

supermarkets. I could wear this.

I could be Parker. Well, we didn't think it would be brains.

Will you tell my daughter I'm not speaking to her?

Is that the new car outside?

Yeah, it's great, isn't it?

It's embarrassing.

I've got an image, Dad. I can't be seen in something that colour.

But you could be seen in something bright green.

dressing up as Lady Penelope.

Could I ask you to do anything so degrading? So I'll take the blonde wig

the shop.

All right, I did want you to dress up as Lady Penelope. I was wrong. Thought it

was a good idea. It wasn't.

But anyone can make a mistake, can't they? I don't usually waste money on

things like this. I'm not usually that thoughtless, am I?

I suppose not.

Don't make a habit of these things, do I? Well, you did spend the tax rebate on

the original car. Yeah, all right.

And then there was that emergency job in Gerrard Street when you blew all the

money on a jukebox.

That was a classic. Some overgrown child would have paid a fortune for that.

All the records were in Cantonese. You never told me about that. No, well,

obviously, I had to get rid of it.

And then there was that time when your aunt left you a grand and you bought a

share in a rock band.

What? Yeah, well, that was different. I was caught out by changing musical

fashions. Sorry, exactly when would a seat...

Heavy metal band being fashion.

Serbian warriors were ahead of their time.

You never see a penny of it back. And then there was this other... Christine,

don't you have to be somewhere else?

Why? Because then you stay alive.

Well, if that's the attitude you're going to take, I'm off. F -O -B.

No, you mean F -A -B.

No, I mean F -O -B.

Speaking to him.

Well, you took your mother. I thought you weren't speaking to me. No, I'm not.

Not after that brains remark.

Oh, and if you're going to be so oversensitive, then I won't speak to

Well, tell my daughter that suits me fine. And tell my father, all right,

I am not speaking to your father.

Well, I'm not speaking to you either.

I'm not speaking to either one of you.

That I'm sorry.

I'm very, very sorry.

Well, why can't you be more sensible?

I am sensible.

No, you're not. You're completely hopeless with money. You've spent half

marriage doing completely ridiculous things. Oh, so what ridiculous things?

not listening to you.

Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Try to be more sensible in the future.

How do I know I can trust you with our holiday money when you've just been out

and bought that? Well, I actually used the holiday money as well.

You did what?

Oh, hi.

Your neighbour, Miss Harris, told me you're a very old friend.

Yes, she did warn me. Come in.

She told me a lot about your family.

They should like to be more like you.

Really? I'm afraid we're just about to eat. Oh, please, please, don't let me

interrupt a family meal. I'll just wait here. All right.

Do sit down.

We go home.

Just a perfect day.

Jenny, David, tell your father that dinner is ready.

Excuse us.

Cottage fire.

Or is it shepherd's pie?

Could go either way, depending on whether it's minced beef or minced lamb.

I've seen you touch beef, then.

Sorry about this.

Perhaps I should just... Oh, no, no, you stay there. Just ignore me.

Everybody else does.

I'll have a minute.

brother please

to

my sister

please can I

have some ketchup

why Why's he asking David for the ketchup when I've got it? Because you're

only one I'm still talking to.

Tell my dad he may be speaking to me, but I'm still not speaking to him.

And tell him not to ask David for the sauce when I've got it. I'm not telling

anyone else anything. You can work it all out for yourself. I'm sick of the

of you. Oh, that's not fair.

When we told Daddy he could spend the holiday money on a car, we thought he'd

get a proper one.

I suppose he knew he was going to spend...

Asked us? What were we supposed to do? Ignore him?

Yeah, how are we to know he'd go and do something stupid?

So it's not really our fault, is it?

I'm not speaking to either of you. Oh, are we not speaking to you then?

And if David's not speaking to me, I'm not speaking to him.

I'm not speaking to anyone.

Oh, neither am I. And neither am I. Neither am I. Heaven's sake, let's just

it then.

All right, then I will.

So will I.

So will I.

So we're all agreed then, nobody's speaking to anybody?

Right.

Oh, hell!

Hello?

Hello, Rona, where are you?

traffic by the bridge?

Yes. So, I just got a call from Angela.

Angela? My school friend, remember?

Angela? Yeah.

Anyway, she can't make it today, so there's no need to worry.

Can't make it?

She's got caught up with something at home, something to do with the kid.

probably pregnant again.

Hello? Rona, I can't hear you. You're breaking up.

Must be the battery.

Hello?

stomach to me before I make a complete idiot of myself.

Right, right. If that's the way you want to play it, have it your own way.

I plugged it into the cigarette lighter.

What were you saying?

Rona, if your friend is called Angela, who is Mary?

Mary? Mary Stevenson. She's here right now.

Stevenson? Oh, my God!

For heaven's sake, be careful what you say to her.

or seven? Who is she?

Come to vet me for adoption.

I'm not hungry, sorry.

I'll get a cloth.

No, just leave it. I'll do it.

I'm sorry.

I'll go and change my shirt. Yes, well, you see where this sort of thing can get

us.

Hello.

I'm not speaking to you.

Come in.

I'm sorry, we didn't know.

No, it's not that really.

I told her I hardly knew you.

Why didn't you tell me before you were thinking about adoption?

It was too early and I didn't want to get my hopes up.

Quite rightly, as it turns out. Why?

Apparently they like young couples to place their babies with. You are young.

No, I'm not. You're younger than me.

How old are you?

You know how old I am.

Exactly. We're not spring chickens anymore.

And if you had a one -year -old now, how old would you be by the time it was 17?

Well, not particularly old. How old would you be by the time it was 25?

Well, yes, I suppose. By the time it was 35, you'd be pushing. Yes, thank you. I

think you've made that point.

I suppose these things do have to be thought about.

Yeah, I know.

I just wasn't ready for somebody to tell me I'm past it. You are not past it. I

am. We both are.

We might as well have all our teeth out by a couple of shawls and sit up the

corner cackling with the other hag.

Is there a worse thing for the world? What?

We could have hundreds of facelifts and breast implants like those American

women. End up looking like Mount Rushmore on the top and Silicon Valley

bottom.

That miserable old bat.

Has there been any calls?

No.

Save for another day?

Oh, God, I can't stand to see him doing that for a moment longer.

Come on, give it to me. Come on, sweeties, come on.

Come on.

She did say we might just still be eligible to take on an older child.

They have a few with problem backgrounds.

Well, have you thought about that?

I couldn't do that, Bill.

I don't have the experience.

Do you think any of us have?

Oh, no.

It's been here all this time.

Oh, Mum.

It's all right.

No, no, it isn't. I've seen them. It's not the end of the world. We talked

this. You can take them again. I'm sure you'll do better next time.

Oh, let's see. How bad are they?

Two A's and a B.

That's brilliant.

Not because they're bad.

Why don't you go and tell your father and David they're gonna be so proud of

I know

with things like that.

Nobody can cope with things like that. Are you all right?

Oh, yes, I will be.

It just hadn't hit me she'd actually be leaving now. There'll just be one of

them.

Well, I suppose you could always adopt.

Yay! What are you two moping about for? We're going

out for a Chinese. You want to come?

Of course we do.

I'm sorry about the car.

I'll take you back and get a different one.

Good.

I've got a very nice pink Cadillac.

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