All language subtitles for 2Point4 Children s06e02 The Lady Vanishes

Hi, Mum.

I've got to go out. Just a minute. Come
down here.

I didn't do it. Didn't do what? I don't
know. Whatever it is. I've just answered

a phone call from somewhere called Pizza
Pizza.

Oh. Apparently you're expected to turn
up there tonight to deliver pizzas. Is

this true?

It's only till 10 .30. I've done my
homework.

And you're letting Jane go to a
Halloween party.

What? What's all this about a Halloween
party?

Oh, I'm coming to the 90s, Mum.

Everyone does things on Halloween now.
It's only one night.

Well, our party's different.

No, it isn't. Why didn't you tell me
about this? Look, I'll never do it on a

weekday again.

But tonight's special, and I'm not a
little boy anymore, Mum.

All right. I don't like this, but I'm
going to be completely fair.

We'll leave it to your father to decide.

Agreed?

Although I warn you.

I think I know exactly what his reaction
will be to his sons wasting his

prospects delivering peasants. Stay
down!

calendar since Tina's fluffy little
kittens of 1991.

I never saw that. What happened to it?
It got mysteriously torn up and burnt in

a freak accident.

We haven't got any sweet chocolate
biscuits, nothing.

Oh, there's a marshmallow somewhere.

Uh, no, there isn't.

Why? While you were out working last
night, David and I decided to toast

Toast them? How did you... We'll clean
it up.

used to have to worry about all this
trick -or -treat business before

I'll have to go out in a minute and see
if I can get something to give them.

Are you coming in to dry?

All right, all right, I'm coming.

I suppose I could see if Rona's going

shopping later. She usually goes to the
supermarket on Thursday.

He can mix, or some little Mars bars, or
something like that.

Well? Yes?

What do you think?

About what?

Yes, the face.

Have you been holding your breath
watching one of those submarine films

Look, I'll show you.

What are you doing?

I'm looking for the big torch.

What torch?

To put down my trousers.

Well, there's plenty of room.

Right, so, when the kids knock on the
door, we turn all the lights out, put on

some spooky music, and then we make them
wake.

And then wait some more.

And then... Yeah?

They'll be terrified.

They certainly will.

I copped in the face from? Boy George on
a bad night.

Phantom of the Opera.

Lon Chaney Jr.

The man of a thousand faces.

I think I'm not sitting here in the dark
all evening just so that you can send

groups of six -year -old children away
screaming.

You think it's too frightening?

I didn't say screaming was frightening.

It's Halloween.

The witch's Sabbath.

The night.

Of the dark one's revel.

The eve of all hallows when the spirits
of the dead return to the earth to dance

their dance macabre.

Not in Chiswick.

Oh, go on.

Not already.

It's not even dark yet.

Oh, God.

Put it straight away.

I'm in the bath!

Yes, I'm doing it!

Yes? Eh, Croudon?

Sorry?

Croudon. Oh, you mean sign? What for?

Oh, no, this isn't for me.

My name's Porter, not... What is this,
Croudon?

Is that a name?

Croudon. It's for the lady next door,
that side.

Croudon. Mrs Croudon.

Nope. Can I go now?

I suppose so.

It's crushing my inside.

Go on, before I change my mind. Bye,
Dad.

Bye, son.

Remember... Drive carefully, I know, and
never again on a school day.

Bye, then.

Bye. Do your coat up properly. It's
going to pour down in a minute.

Finished.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Ah, we'll be all right. Nothing's going
to happen to him. He'll be sensible.

After all, he's got us as his parents.

Yes. And we're always careful.

I think you're so lucky I have to pay
heaven knows what for treatment like

I was washing my hair. No.

I have voices.

All right, I admit it.

I've hidden him under the carpet. It's
that big lump over there.

What are you looking at?

I'm just seeing if I can see the old
lady next door.

Mrs. Crandall?

Crue Dole.

I thought she'd died.

Well, if she has, she's been on a trip.

What shall we do now?

Ben, look in the mirror.

Oh, no!

I can't go to work looking like this.

Well, it wouldn't be the first time.

Ben, this is poster paint.

It's face paint.

Waterproof and durable colours will not
fade, bleed or rub off.

What am I going to do?

I don't know.

What are you looking at?

Nothing.

seen the old woman next door recently?

Not recently. Why?

He just delivered a big box to her
house.

Who? The man who said Croudal.

Hang on, I'm getting a bit confused
here. You say Mrs. Crandall wasn't

but she's just had a box delivered to
her.

No, a box was delivered, I didn't see
her, and her name's not Crandall. Yes,

is. How do you know? She told us. No,
she said Croudal, and we took that to be

Crandall. No, it is Crandall.

All right, we'll try to rectory
inquiries, shall we?

Yes, I'd like a number in the name of
Crudal. C -R -U -D -A -A -L.

It's the only one in the book, is it?

Thank you.

You see?

That's her number.

Yes, well, obviously she's still there,
then.

Yes, obviously.

What am I going to do about this?

Go up to my dressing table and open the
jar of cold cream.

Yeah? Rub it all over your... face right
in everywhere and then wipe it off with

tissues it might come off all right i
suppose it's worth a try

I don't know, something outside.

You're getting a bit jittery, aren't
you? Oh, I'm just a bit nervous about

David, that's all.

Did you remember to... Yes, I opened the
bathroom window to let the scene out.

Good. So it's not a costume party, then?
This is my costume.

I'm the sacrificial virgin.

Not really.

Oh.

Oh, it's just a joke.

Ah! It's so quiet.

I can't come, it's much better.

Hold on, I like... Look, I feel...

Calm down.

and wiping my face on a flying rat.

It stopped.

So it is.

Open the door. You open the door. I will
not.

I don't think it's in here anymore.

I can't see it.

Don't do that. It's coming back.

See that? No, it's definitely gone.

Somebody left his house keys at the
pizza place before he went.

And a kind person who was with him came
all the way round to return them. Spent

you five minutes knocking on the front
door like a Jehovah's Witness in

Bradford.

Thank you.

Don't mention it. Just dress up as a
psychopath and jump out at me from the

bathroom. That's all I ask. Why don't
you... That's very thoughtful of you,

Christine. I'm sorry we didn't hear you
at the door. That's quite all right.

Oh, do you have any Coke?

Yes.

Well, would you put a Bacardi in it?

You must know we had a bat in

the bathroom.

What, a live one? No, a cricket bat. We
use it to hit irritating people round

the head.

What?

Well, they don't come out that much this
time of year. It's really peculiar.

Don't you start.

What? I've already had all that stuff
about her next door. What stuff? She's

answering her phone. There's something
very strange going on in there. No,

isn't. Going on where? Nowhere.

Next door, that side.

Look, it's nothing.

What? Well, I just thought I hadn't seen
the old woman there recently and then

these strange men arrived with a big box
which they took in there.

You see?

Before or after it got dark? Um, before.

You sure?

Yes, definitely. It was just as the sun
was going down but it wasn't quite dark

yet. And then I thought I saw someone
else in there.

Well, there you are then. There's your
explanation.

You see?

Oh, that's a relief.

Must be a vampire.

A vampire?

Well, it's the classic scenario, isn't
it? He sends the old woman first to buy

the house. Then he gets rid of her.

Then he turns up in a box full of earth
from Transylvania.

Then, the minute it gets dark, whoosh!

He turns into a bat and goes lurking
about.

True?

No, of course it's not true. It's a
Hammer film.

I've seen loads of them like that.

So you don't think it could really
happen?

Oh, no. It's all just an ill -informed
combination of primitive superstition

myth. There's nothing in it.

Of course, that's what they always say
in the Hammer films. Then they go to

sleep and get their next bittern. Oh,
God!

Oh, Bill, come on. You heard what she
said. It's just a story. Let's not get

silly about this.

Yeah, it's all a bit far -fetched,
really.

Especially the one about Johnny
Allucard.

Johnny Allucard?

Yeah, there's this bloke called Johnny
Allucard and he's living in this house

London. They don't even notice.

Notice what?

Don't you get it?

Allucard.

Get what?

If you rearrange... Just a minute. If
you rearrange what? Ben!

Crude ale, yeah. What's your point?

It's all right. It's just the Alsatian
up the road being locked outside again.

Shut up!

All right, so if you rearrange it, it
does spell Dracula. It's

just a coincidence.

If you rearrange T .S. Eliot, it spells
toilets.

It doesn't mean to say he was a lavatory
attendant.

All right.

I can see you're never going to be happy
until I prove this.

Oh, it's raining.

This won't take a minute.

coming to the door.

I was just thinking about you.

Oh, Ben!

Hi.

Yeah. Did she?

Yeah, I'm there at the moment.

No, that's all right. It's fine. I've
brought the car with me.

Hang on, I'll just scribble this down.

Yeah.

Uh -huh.

The low battery's beeping.

Nearly gone.

Yeah. OK.

No, nothing.

I thought you said pointed.

Oh.

Not before I come home.

All right, then.

Yeah?

Hello?

Oh, damn.

Hello?

Yeah, Jennifer Porter, yeah. She's in
the disco in the hall.

Right, yeah, well, can you give her this
message? Can you tell her to... Stay

over at Clive's tonight.

There's nothing for her to worry about.

Please do.

Brilliant.

Yeah, yeah. It's just a bit of trouble
in next door. Nothing we can't handle.

Wedge them so that the wolves can't
break through.

Yes, OK. Thank you. Bye.

Pizza Heats are still engaged.

Hold on to it.

Is there anything else you can remember?

They don't like running water.

Bill, where's the soda siphon? You know,
I've been thinking about it.

All this vampire stuff.

It's all a bit far -fetched, isn't it?

What? Well, it's all a lot of nonsense.

But... What do you mean?

I mean, there's no such thing as
Dracula. How can he be in the house next

Yeah. Vampires can only come in if you
invite them in.

Invite them in.

Come in. No!

Hi, Ruth.

Here we are.

Sorry it took so long, but you know
there's checkouts. Did you get

What?

sun -dried tomatoes.

Oh, good.

Brona, why are you wearing that thing
round your neck?

Yes, I thought that was a bit strange.

I had to stop off at home care, but you
insisted.

Did I? Yeah. You said that under no
circumstances was I to get out of my car

unless I had a big grout and fix...

I'm just outside a moment ago on a
little red moped.

Did you? Yeah, I was just about to
deliver a pizza to the next door.

Homestay!

You see him going down the street.

Right. Now's our chance. We haven't got
much time.

Give me your hand, quick.

What is this stuff? Cat repellent.
Golly.

Hurry up.

Careful, you nearly had me eye out.
Ramna, stop dithering.

Are you sure about this? My jacket's
caught.

I mean, remember what happened when we
broke in next door to the other side?

That was completely different. We were
just being stupid.

Steve, keep this crucifix up at all
times.

I can't get down.

I

shouldn't be

keeping you from your work.

That's all right, Mrs Crudell.

Nothing to worry about. I only got this
this afternoon.

It was such a relief to get out the big
cylinders.

John had to come in every eight hours to
change them over. Oh, you should have

told us. We could have helped.

Is it all right?

They said that if the mains fluctuated
for any reason, it would stop.

No, it's fine.

Mother, I'm back.

Oh, thank heavens.

Why did the phone have to break at this
time?

Oh, what a night.

No one next door. I had to run to the
call box, which was still working.

They must have gone out.

They said nothing to worry about. The
storm is nearly past and the supply is

quite stable.

Thank goodness.

Well, you'd better be off, both of you.

Let an old woman have some time to
herself.

I am booked for four dracula grams this
evening. Not exactly glamorous, but it's

work.

I shall be back by eleven o 'clock.

Please don't worry, you're quite safe.

Absolutely safe. Absolutely nothing is
going to happen.

Get away from my son, you fiend! From
the house!

Triple three.

I'll, uh, thank Christine round to
finish off properly tomorrow.

Thank you very much.

Thank you for being so understanding.

Sorry, I didn't realise you needed
oxygen all the time.

There are worse things people have to
worry and cope with.

Perhaps Bill and I could, you know, pop
in more often, see how you're doing.

I would like that very much. I don't get
to see many people, you know.

All right, then.

I'm going to go before I sod me guts
off.

Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

It was nice to finally meet you.

The circumstances were rather strange.

Nice to meet you too.

Don't stand on ceremony, John.

Feel free to give us a knock whenever
you're around.

Thank you. Perhaps I will.

Got a standing invitation to visit us at
any time.