All language subtitles for 2Point4 Children s04e01 The Parent Trap

Need a hand with that, love? Oh, no,
thanks. My friend will be here in a

to pick me up.

What do you

think?

I thought you were going to get a Volvo.

You seem so boring.

What about all this lot?

Don't worry, it's going to... Very
spacious room.

See?

Can you afford to buy all this ready
-made stuff?

Not really.

What choice have we got till the
kitchen's finished?

Typical.

All they have to do is see a woman in a
sport car and they stop.

I shave every day, like you.

It smells terrible.

Calvin Klein's fixation. I'm not
surprised.

And can't you stop that happening?

What happening?

Silly little girls from your class
ringing our number and hoping that

going to answer.

And where did you get the money for
expensive aftershave? Shouldn't you be

getting ready for fat face?

You're heading for trouble, David
Porter.

Oh, go away. I'm going to while my nose
still works.

That's my sister.

I know.

Still want the package.

Got the money.

Right, I'll meet you there. OK.

Bye.

We're back.

I'm getting ready to go out.

David? I'm just going out.

Where are the builders?

Oh, they left ages ago.

In my next life, I'm going to have it
the other way round. A natural kitchen

design a baby.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to mention
babies.

Oh, it's all right.

It takes a bit of time, that's all.
Yeah.

Let's go and see what they've done
today.

Oh.

Yes.

What do you mean?

Yes. It's exactly the same as it was
this morning.

No, it isn't. Yes, it is.

They must have done something.

I don't think builders do anything.

They just sit here looking at page three
until their testosterone builds up into

a frenzy. Then they switch their drills
on till it goes down again.

Well, I'm sure they're getting on. They
seem the best ones.

There's only one reason why you talked
me into this pair.

You could see what they look like with
their shirts off. I did not. I never

mentioned chef.

You did. You said you'd endure any
torture known to mankind to see the tall

one's cleavage.

Not that cleavage. The other one.

Let me get rid of this lot.

Can I use the calculator while I'm here?

I've finished all the estimates.

Not for that. You need to work out the
time.

Twenty -five past four.

Not that time. My time.

What do you mean, your time?

It's all explained in this book. If you
want to get pregnant, you need to know

the best time.

Oh, I can tell you that.

Immediately after Spurs win 3 -0 at
home.

No, you only get one egg a month.

That was during the war.

So you have to work out mathematically
the exact moment you're going to be at

your most fertile.

Mum,

what do you think of my hair? Lovely.
What are you doing?

I have to start again now.

What time's your bath?

Laura's collecting me in her car and
bringing me back later.

Laura? Clive's mother.

Laura's asked me to go shopping with
her.

Oh. You never go shopping with me.

That's different.

How?

She just wants to know my opinion on her
clothes.

Well, I want to know your opinion on my
clothes.

No, you don't. I might.

It's different.

Well, what's the difference?

Oh, look, I didn't mean to hurt you.

It's just that, well, Laura isn't really
like her mother.

She found a knife.

I'll be pleased to finally meet her.

She usually waits in the car.

You mean she's been here before?

A few times.

I've never seen her outside.

She waits around the corner.

Well, why don't you invite her in for a
moment when she comes?

Um, maybe.

You're not ashamed of us, are you?

No!

It's just that his family are very...

Normal. Yes, but they're a different
normal.

Go on.

Oh, it's just that things are going
really well for me and Clive. He's the

boyfriend I've had that doesn't seem an
effort.

And I get on well with both his parents.

And I just think... Well, I mean, look
at this place.

You know, we've got the Italian wedding
on Sunday.

Yes, but it's not just that.

Things happen to us. What?

Right.

Jenny, if it's important to you, we'll
all make a special effort to impress

Clive's parents, because if this is
really leading somewhere, sooner or

we'll have to meet.

I know.

Look, why don't you invite her in when
she brings you back?

Today? Yes, that way I have plenty of
time to tidy up.

I don't know.

Listen, I promise I won't do anything
that might embarrass you.

Anything. All right?

It's really important. I promise.

After all, we're not exactly weirdos,
are we?

Oh, God!

Sorry, I forgot my key.

I don't need those microwave pizzas.

What? Are you going to be sitting there?

Why? Your sister's bringing Clive's
mother home in a minute.

So?

Go and tidy yourself up.

No, I've just done the bathroom. Sit
down there and wait.

What? Can I trust you not to do anything
that might embarrass Jenny?

I think you'd better go straight up to
your room and stay there under all

circumstances.

What if there's a fire?

If there's a fire, come down.

Not if it's just hot, only if the smoke
builds.

No, that's too dangerous.

You might still say something.

What? Is there anything hideously
violent on at the Odeon I wouldn't want

go and see?

Always. Right.

Here is the money to go and see Aladdin.

Don't let me find out you went to a
different screen.

Thanks, Mum.

And don't hang around in the burger
place afterwards.

To when?

About seven.

Great boots, Al.

Don't shut the door, we've got more.

What is this?

You may well ask. This is all stuff that
could come in useful.

Yeah, if you want to start your own
rubbish tip.

Christine, could you get the rest of the
stuff from the van, please? Oh, yeah,

and give me a bonio and I'll die for the
freaking queen.

Ben! This is all stuff that could come
in handy.

A squarial?

Well, they might switch the satellite
back on.

Wire coat hangers? You can never have
enough.

Oh, yes, you can.

And what's that?

I'm not sure, but the bloke said it
still works.

What is this? What's the point of
getting rid of all our old junk and

home with somebody else's?

You did get rid of ours. Almost a bit.

Some of it. These people want something
for nothing.

There's something dripping from this
one. Put it down over there. No! Put it

over there, then. No! Make up your mind.
I'm going backwards and forwards like a

Tory MP in a tie pimple.

Go and get the rest of the stuff from
the van. No! Leave it in the van and get

rid of this stuff somewhere now. In a
minute.

You'll love this. Christine, just go and
get the special thing.

What?

You know, the special thing in the box
we bought.

Oh, yeah, right.

Look, I know some of this stuff's a bit
past it, but you'll never guess what we

got off some old Irish bloke.

No, I don't suppose I will.

Well, look, I know you're apprehensive
about tomorrow's job, but we've already

made stuff and all that, so I've got the
perfect day to your presentation.

Here we are.

Can I have a glass of water now, or do I
have to be locked back onto the train

gang? There's some orange juice in the
fridge.

Thanks. This is for me.

To you.

Thanks. What do you think?

Just the perfect thing for an Italian
wedding.

Yes, a severed horse's head should go
down very well.

Guess what it is?

What?

The Pope.

What,

in that little box?

It was made for his visit to London by
some Irish firm.

And? He went to Birmingham.

He's been trying to get rid of it ever
since.

and put it up near where you're serving.

What is it, a little statue?

No, it's ten feet high when it's fully
inflated. What?

Yeah, there's a little canister of
helium at the bottom that fills it up.

So, what we have here is a ten -foot
-high inflatable pope with its own

canister of helium.

Yeah.

Get it out of the house. It costs 20
quid! Out!

Don't you know that helium is explosive?

That's hydrogen.

Helium has no effect at all, except you
make your voice go big. Get rid of it.

I'll be off now, then. Right, bye.

Oh, by the way, you've got a cockroach
in your kitchen.

Bye.

What?

useless. It is something of a more heavy
weight.

You're a fat load of use getting out of
its way. It leapt at me.

What are we going to do now?

Leave it.

Let it go.

Let it go?

It's lucky the fresh food's at Rona's or
we'd have to destroy it.

Community?

Get rid of it. Where?

Outside.

Is there anything else you want me to
take outside?

Jenny wanted to come straight in, but I
thought it better if I rang the bell.

I'm Laura.

Bill, come in.

Ben, this is a pleasant surprise.

How do you do?

We were just having some coffee. Would
you like some?

Sorry, Mum. Laura's got to get back
quite quickly.

I just told Jenny I'd better break the
ice.

We can't keep putting off the evil
moment, can we?

No. Well, it's very nice to meet you at
long last.

Well, I was wondering if you both
fancied coming round for a meal tonight

ours. Jenny's coming later anyway, and
I'm sure Harry'd love to meet you both.

That'd be very nice.

We'd love to.

Good.

Bye then, Jenny.

Bye. And it's been nice to finally see
inside your house at last.

I was beginning to wonder what sort of
horrors must be in here.

Well, as you can see, it's a very
ordinary house.

do till the council come on Monday.

No in the wardrobe.

Stop it.

He said if we'd only seen a couple,
they'd easily get rid of them.

Yeah, I suppose you're right. We just
have to put it right out of our minds

then. Yeah.

What I can't work out is where they're
breeding.

Oh, Bill.

Well, they always breed somewhere.

Usually the airing cupboard. Oh, I just
got that out of there.

Calm down. There's no sign I checked.

I think I'll wear my new shirt.

You said you'd get any left with his
spray.

Well, you know cockroaches.

You can freeze them, you can bake them,
and they're not even touched.

If there was a nuclear war over the
entire surface of the planet, the only

that would survive would be cockroaches.
No.

This spray will get them.

I'd like to know how.

No, you wouldn't. Yes, I would.

Well... The poison sticks to their feet.

Then they mash it all up with their food
when they eat, and then they die.

Then other cockroaches come along and
eat their decaying bodies, and they die.

Yeah, all right.

Yes, I believe you.

Now, can we please forget all about it?
I was trying to.

Imagine waking up in the dark and
finding this thing crawling all over

Never usually bothers you.

You're right. Doesn't bear thinking
about. Oh, thanks.

Well, what do you think?

When did you get that?

Boot sale.

Genuine Ralph Lauren. £2 .99.

Shouldn't the horse... Horse have four
legs.

What do you expect for £2 .99?

Desert orchid?

You know designer copies are illegal.

Oh.

Then you won't want this priceless Gucci
bag.

I'd kill for it.

Mum,

I'm just going.

Can I see you for a moment?

In the living room.

I wish we could have just bred in the
airing cupboard.

I'll be out with Clive till about nine.
Then I'll join you for coffee.

Right. He likes football and she likes
soap operas.

Except for the one on Channel 4.

She isn't sure about Channel 4.

Her father is Irish, so no jokes about
that.

And better if you keep off the Catholic
Church altogether.

Right. Oh, and I'm pretty sure they're
conservative.

So please don't go on about everything
in the whole world being the fault of

-know -who.

I promise.

Right.

And please, if you must wear jeans, for
God's sake, wear a belt.

Oh, yeah, right.

OK, bye.

Bye.

Bye. Have a nice time.

What were we supposed to say all that?

Things change.

Ah, it'll be all right. I'm just going
to leave a note for David. Go and start

the car.

Why? We'll be late.

No, we won't. Hurry up! We need at least
half an hour to get there.

What time is it now?

Nineteen minutes past.

Can we go in now?

Not at twenty past.

We're not.

We just can't. It's not the look out.
She's looking out the window.

Okay.

She thinks you recognise the car.

No, I've never seen the car. Oh.

What time is it now?

Twenty past.

Why are you so on edge?

Ben, you realise this boy might be
marrying Jenny?

Why? What's happened?

See you all later. She's going to marry
one of them.

Yeah. Yeah, I suppose so.

These people we're meeting tonight might
become part of our family for the rest

of our lives.

And if they do, we're never going to be
able to shake off whatever impression we

give them tonight.

You're right.

Let's get away while we can.

Come on.

Now or never.

Right, you take the white.

I'll take the chocolate.

you get those from?

I remember you hid them from the kids.

She's seen us.

This is it.

I'm grinning like a simpleton.

Don't stop now, she's still looking.

Oh my God.

Someone crungy to the door.

Hi there.

I'm Harry.

Pleased to meet you.

How do you do?

I'm Bill.

This is for you.

Oh, lovely.

Come on in.

You know Laura?

Hello again.

These are for you. Oh, thanks.

Why don't we have them with coffee
later?

Nice car, Harry. Shame about that
window.

Occupational hazard in my business.

Shall I take your jackets and things?

What is your business? Fraud squad.

All right, Anna.

Where is everyone?

Out. I need to come back and collect my
things.

Oh.

I answered the telephone a few minutes
ago.

What's for you?

I can't help it. You've either got it or
you haven't.

It was a boy.

Let them all look.

He said the cockroaches you bred for him
were too missing. You must have dropped

them somewhere.

Apparently, you're the preferred
supplier for the fourth -year biology

It doesn't hurt anyone.

Your mother is running a catering
business.

She doesn't want cockroaches running
about all over the house.

I know that.

I'm not completely stupid.

Most of the time, I keep them in
cryogenic suspension.

How? In a box in the freezer.

They don't do anything unless you get
them out and let them warm up for a

Go and get them out now.

We'll take them somewhere and properly
dispose of them and that'll be the end

it.

He's gone.

Hi. Hello.

Chucked in time.

We were just going to have some coffee.
Did you have a good time?

Yeah. Not too good a time, I hope.

We did go to some friends.

And talked about a film. Nothing really
exciting.

Do you want to take a look?

Yeah, I'll take a look. And then we can
open the chocolate.

I've dug all the beds, now can I start
the garage?

At least all the cockroaches are out of
the house now, eh, Dad?

There's no incentive to be an
entrepreneur these days.

Well, I thought we covered for it pretty
well.

Covered for it?

How can you cover for 50 live
cockroaches leaping out of a box of

we've given our hostess?

Well, I thought she took it pretty well.
I thought she'd stop screaming.

I suppose you realise now that we're
both completely demented.

Well, it was only one incident.

What are you doing with that thing?

I'm going to need this this afternoon,
and I can't work out how it's activated.

Just leave it, will you? In a minute.

Oh, damn this thing!

What have you done?

Here, take one of these.

I hope we're doing the right thing.

Calm down.

It's just a horrible coincidence.

They explained it all.

The least we can do is try and make them
feel better about it. What if they're

not in? Well, let's see if they're
there, then.

Help her!

Well, stop it harder!

Yes.

They're there.

I'll ring the bell.