Original subtitles

We're back!

I just got that from the pool.

This place is great. Yeah, this is the best holiday.

Yes, it's so good to escape those tedious chores.

Need a hand?

Do you think they fired Phoenix from the gladiators because she wasn't strong

enough? I'm going to fit you straight away.

Out you.

Mum, I'm sure it's the wrong size.

You're the wrong size.

Are they any short, or did your leg explode?

Does Jason know you're on up that boy downstairs?

Oh, shut up.

Don't! And don't!

Oh! Let's see if we can find the Weather Channel, see what it's going to be

like. The Weather Channel?

Yeah. What, a whole channel of just weather?

They've got a channel for everything here. The News Channel, the Sports

the Shopping Channel.

The Serial Murderers Channel?

Is there?

No, it's great.

There's a choice of whatever you want to watch.

If you like old movies, there's this.

Bring the family to Stark Island Buick now.

I want to sell you a car. Or if you prefer science fiction... I want to sell

you... A car.

This beautiful 1993 Buick Skylark with... See?

And your local update coming up in just a minute after this national weather

roundup. So, what are we going to do this afternoon?

Dad's going parasailing.

Yeah, well, probably.

He said he wanted to.

He got half a mile in the air.

It's not quite that far, is it?

Yeah, well, maybe tomorrow.

We're flying back tomorrow.

You'll have to do it today.

Oh, your mum wants us to go to Ernest Hemingway's house.

Why? Never comes to ask.

OK, who's for roll?

Why do we have to have homemade food?

Because it's cheaper than room service.

Room service!

I'll just put it down over here, shall I? Oh, yes, thank you.

I think this must be your ham, ma 'am.

Oh, thank you. Yes.

Oh, just sign here.

Is this place always so empty?

Oh, not usually, no, sir.

Only during hurricane season.

Hurricane season?

Don't get excited.

He said hurricane season. It's just an expression.

What do you mean it's just an expression? Well, they just call it that

because... It's the season they sometimes have hurricanes.

What do you mean, sometimes?

When? Don't panic. I looked it up. There hasn't been a hurricane here since

1934. Oh.

When it blew away the bridge to the mainland.

What? The seven -mile one? When you drive for 15 minutes over the top of the

on a little concrete platform? No, not that one.

That's the replacement for the one that was blown away.

Completely destroyed.

Ta -da! What do you think?

That won't last five minutes in a hurricane.

A what?

Nothing. Now, let's just relax and eat.

Right, well, what have we got here?

Oh, good chips, my favourite.

Yes, what a coincidence.

I can't eat that.

Oh, dear, what a shame.

Hi, welcome back. And now for the latest on that brewing tropical storm over the

bar. What?

Tropical storm, not a hurricane, a tropical storm.

Thanks, Shannon. Let's bring you right up to date here. We've just heard that

the tropical storm has now been officially upgraded to a hurricane.

And here it is now.

200 miles east of the Virgin Islands, brewing up there, you can see the eye of

the storm.

Ben, look, it's nothing to worry about. It's always happening.

You're perfectly safe with a hurricane unless it's got your name on it. And

we've just heard from the National Hurricane Centre here in Coral Gables

has gained a name.

Hurricane Bill.

Oh, my God!

And we'll have all the latest news and reports for you on Hurricane Bill and

projected course for you right here on the Weather Channel, right after this.

I want to sell you a car.

Look, it's all right. This is the safest hotel on the island.

Trigger was the smartest horse in the movies, but he still died.

This is frightening.

It's all right. How do you know the winds can go up to 120 miles an hour?

He's still going parasailing.

Sorry. It's come back.

Latest update, Bob.

Thank you, Chet. And Hurricane Bill.

Officially a Category 3 hurricane is traveling pretty fast at the moment.

10 miles now towards Florida and heading in a direction due west.

It's coming!

We just heard that a hurricane watch has been posted all along the coast from

Cape Canaveral to Key West. It's coming! What's a hurricane watch?

A watch not yet an alert, as of course the hurricane could hit land anywhere

between those two places, Cape Canaveral and Key West. More as it comes after

this national rundown.

What's going to happen? We don't know, darling. Ben, we can't stay here.

Why? We're driving back to Miami tomorrow.

It could be here tomorrow. I'll blow the bridge away.

That's right, tomorrow.

We might not be able to get there tomorrow.

Look, let's just consider this calmly.

Right.

This is just typical.

Oh, God.

Well, it is.

Everything here is so much. So much food, so many channels.

24 -hour weather, 24 -hour films, 24 -hour news.

News in the morning, news on the hour, news through the night. I mean, how much

news is there? They have to make up news, especially to fill up all the news

programmes. That's why all the news is such rubbish. And that's what's

to us now.

It's bloody Thatcher. It's bloody Thatcher.

She'd have made us tap hurricanes if she could.

In fact, she did, didn't she? We had one.

She probably saw them in America and thought they were a jolly good idea,

Guy Television and Charles Manson.

So you'd rather go to Miami now, would you?

Yes, on careful consideration.

Right. I'll book us into the Miami Airport Hotel tonight.

Thank you.

Come on, then. Get packing.

We're going to Miami.

I'm hungry. Can we stop for a burger?

No.

Jenny, switch on the radio.

Which switch is it? That one under the... That's the roof control. Put it

again. It won't go.

Shall I stop?

No. Hold on to the mat. Oh, God!

We'll buy another one when we get there.

Look, there's a vulture up there.

Where?

It's a pelican.

Isn't it?

I'm still hungry.

Well, follow the vulture.

I think the Volt is following us.

How about a sing song?

Da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da

-da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da

-da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da

-da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da

-da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da -da

-da -da -da -da -da -

bringing a fold away.

We're lucky to get in. Everybody's had the same idea as us. There's no towels

the bathroom and the light doesn't work. I'll find you one of our towels.

I have to go.

Well, at least we've escaped the hurricane.

Yeah. What?

Nothing.

You wanted to video it, didn't you? No.

Well, it would have been a good one to show when we got back.

To Bob at our hurricane desk.

Thanks, Chet, and...

right up to date here. Hurricane Bill is now a Category 8 hurricane with 90 mile

an hour winds and growing.

Here it is now, about 800 miles off the coast, moving rapidly, and as I said

earlier, directly for Miami.

That's right, Bob, and I believe our computer has plotted Bill's course for

to see.

Yes, I think you can see the latest estimate right here.

No, no, no, don't put it there. And the latest estimate we have for you is that

with its increased speed, Hurricane Bill will hit land in the early hours of the

morning. We'll be right back after this.

I want to sell you our car.

It's coming here.

Jane. It is.

It's your fault you made us come here.

Have you given back the car? Well, there wasn't exactly a sign this way to the

hurricane.

It's following you. It's following you because it's got your name.

It's going to find us wherever you are. It's going to kill us all.

Stop it.

Stop it.

Oh, so am I.

Look, um...

airport and see if I can get us out on a flight tonight. I'll be back as soon as

I can.

Right.

Are you all right?

No.

Terrified. Oh, so am I.

Oh, God.

Flushy. David.

I know.

I heard it all through the air conditioning.

I might have known a sicko like you wouldn't be frightened.

Are you kidding?

What do you think I had to go in there in the first place?

I still can't go.

Anyway. Most of the deaths from hurricanes are caused by trees falling

cars. And, of course, the tidal wave.

Tidal wave? The Category 10 hurricane blows down everything.

Even big buildings like this.

So what are we supposed to do?

I think we should all get pissed.

Yes, sir.

Well, I don't think so.

Let's at least tidy ourselves up.

Why bother?

Jen, find the towels. I'm going to ring Rona. She's probably worried sick.

Night for nights, baby.

The state governor has just warned that all highways out of the city are at a

standstill with traffic. And he advises everyone who has not already left to

stay at home and make the building secure.

Bob, what is the...

Possible level of damage we could be looking at here with a Cat 9 hurricane.

Well, Cheddar, it's hard to say, as the hurricane of this magnitude has never

before struck a metropolitan city. I mean, we just don't know what's going to

happen. I'm sorry to interrupt you there, Bob, but I think we can go over

Marcy now, live.

Hello, this is Marcy DeNava coming to you live from Miami Beach. Cal.

The evacuation of the hurricane shelters is continuing, as you can see behind

me.

Marcy, and I'll be right here thrusting my dress out with the tidal wave bounces

off my hair.

Well, we're sitting here terrified and she's choosing Armani's shoulder pads.

Should we go to a hurricane shelter? We haven't got the car anymore.

There's a half -hour queue for information.

There's an hour queue for reservations. There's a two -hour queue for checking.

I stood in one queue for 45 minutes before I realised I didn't know what was

front of it. When I went to look, I lost my place. There's thousands everywhere.

I did manage to get these.

Oh, thanks, Dad. Thanks. I couldn't get any airline on the phone. Only pipe

music while you wait. I tell down there. Rumour is they're going to close the

airport at eight o 'clock tonight.

God knows when we'll finally get out of here.

Have you extended the reservation on our room? I tried.

And? And the receptionist said she couldn't guarantee any room in this

after tonight.

Why not?

Oh.

Can I have a quick word?

Give me a minute.

Except... Except what?

Well, there's a few first -class seats on the 745 tonight at Heathrow. Well,

let's get them quickly.

They're expensive.

Well, just that better. This could be our lives and the kids at stake here.

We'll find the money somehow.

You can't put a price on things like that.

They're $5 ,000.

We've built this place especially for things like this. We're as safe as

anything.

Ah, graffias.

Oh, que Dios tenga compasión con estos pobres niños inocentes. Ay, Dios

mío.

Won't say a good joke.

What?

Reservoir hot dog.

I met this bloke in the reservations queue. He's been through loads of

hurricanes. He says you're perfectly safe if you put mattresses up against

windows in case the glass blows in and we all go to an internal room till it's

all over.

If he's been through loads of hurricanes, why was he in the air

queue? He's coming on again.

Of course, there are heavy storms on the extreme leading edge of the hurricane

bringing this wind and rain, but the main force is not expected to hit the

mainland until sometime tonight.

Bob.

Thanks, Jack.

the very latest from the National Hurricane Centre is that... Oh, no!

It's all right, it's a power car. Old place, looks like. Now what do we do?

Right, David, go and fill up the bath with water like they told us. Jenny,

collect up all the food and take it in there. Come on.

Here we are.

Now we can get all cosy.

Shall I just put these over here?

Over here.

Oh!

Oh, I just slipped and one just dropped.

A big, creamy Belgian truffle.

Would you get it out for me?

Only my fingers are too pointy.

of it's melting.

I wonder how I'm going to get it off.

Um, there you go.

Jackie gets three trips to Disney World and I end up sitting in the dark on the

toilet. Well, join me under the washbasin. It's so comfortable.

We can still use the toilet if we need to.

I can't go to the toilet while you're all here.

We've got to listen.

Anyway, haven't been able to eat or drink anything all day.

Neither have I.

Neither have I.

What?

What have you eaten today?

Not much.

Doesn't matter.

It might matter.

It might matter a lot.

Just a few things.

What?

Scrambled eggs, fried eggs, beans, fried potatoes, waffles, barbecue pork flay,

the crisps, a big packet.

Chocolate, chocolate cake, chips and four hot dogs.

That's all.

That's enough.

How can you eat all that when this is happening to us? Well, I look at it like

this, I may as well enjoy it, we're all going to die.

Don't say that.

Well, we might... Be quiet, David.

Everything's fine.

We'll be all right as long as we stay in here, won't we? Yeah, probably.

They build these places to withstand hurricane winds, don't they? So what can

happen?

A jumbo jet could be blown into the air and crash through the side of the

building.

An electric cable could snap from the strain and snake about touching the

outside.

Or a fuel tank could be punched from a space bar to an incinerator. Yes, thank

you.

Thunderbird has got a lot to answer for.

Now, let's just try and get some rest and think about something else, shall

Well, doesn't seem too bad so far.

Tell her, Dad.

What? Nothing.

Tell me what.

The hurricane hasn't started yet.

A little storm before the hurricane starts.

Well, how will we know when the hurricane starts?

It can't be worse than I'm imagining.

All right.

The bloke I met told me.

You know when you're standing on a platform and an express train goes past

noise it makes?

What if like that?

For five hours.

Five hours?

It's not continuous.

Oh. There's a break in the middle.

Like gone with the wind.

That is not funny.

It's called the eye.

Everything stops for a while and then it starts up again.

Mum, is there still room for me under that basin?

Yes.

Oh, God.

Jen, hold my hand.

What? Come on.

We've got a very good chance of surviving.

Cheer up.

Remember, we're British.

Which?

Oh, look, come on.

Must be something we can do to take our minds off it.

I suppose David's right, really.

We should try and enjoy ourselves while we can.

It could all end.

Any moment.

It always could.

At least I knew what it felt like to get engaged. Oh, look, come on. I'm sure

we...

Jason asked me.

At that wedding we did the catering for.

What? Ben. Well, this is the first we've heard of this. I didn't want to say.

You didn't want to say?

Some spotty, fuzzy -faced boy has asked you to marry him and you didn't want to

say? Why?

I didn't think you liked him. Of course we like him, don't we, Ben?

Now turn it to age.

Boys are only after one thing, you know. Yes, well, when I eventually accept

someone, I suppose I'll just have to cook it.

Someone. You haven't said yes, then.

I'm 17.

I might want to go to college. I might want to have a life.

I don't need to be tied to some fussy, fuzzy -faced boy this young. That's what

I said.

It's different when I say it.

So, you haven't said yes?

No. But I haven't said no yet, and...

Till I do.

I'm as good as engaged, aren't I?

What about him?

Let him wait.

We're trapped in the bathroom with the witches of Eastwood.

Too true, son.

Hmm.

Wish I'd gone to college.

You still could.

Nah. Too old to be a student.

Who says?

I've still got my loon pants.

Oh, God, Mother, you wouldn't.

You never know.

Oh, come on.

Let's try and get some sleep while we can.

I just wanted to say... Well, if we don't... Whatever happens,

I'm glad we're all here together.

Right now.

So am I.

Can I say something, too?

Go on, Pugley.

I just want to say, guess what Jenny's holding in her hand?

The next bit's good.

Ingrid finds Helga and Lars in the bathroom and realises she's still

jar of herrings.

This plot's terrible.

Of course it's terrible. What did you expect?

So unbelievable.

It's nothing to do with real life. It's a sex film.

Yeah, I'm just a bit hot.

Oh, I know. It's my central heating.

I've been trying to get Ben to fix it, but you know what plumbers are like.

Here. No, no, no.

It's all right.

I'll open the window a bit.

Oh.

Tony? Yeah?

Do you... Do you find me attractive?

Of course I do. Very attractive.

What is it, then?

Rona, I don't think I can handle this.

But we talked it all through for hours and hours. You agreed to the

I know. It's just... I don't know how to put this. I just... I just can't do it.

Why?

Oh, no.

You're gay, aren't you?

No.

You're a Catholic priest.

You're impotent. Oh, my...

What do we have next?

I'm just a man.

Well, I'm a woman, so that worked out perfectly.

It's what we're going to do. We're going to create human life.

It'll be a living thing, not an arrangement.

What about the baby?

I think I'm not fit to be a mother.

Perhaps you're right.

No, I think you'd be a great mother.

But it's the responsibility.

I know you said you'd do all the parenting, but...

I don't know. It's not the same as doing it for fun.

I see.

Do you understand?

Yeah.

You're not disappointed?

I think, under the circumstances,

I'll settle just for fun.

You mean it?

I didn't bring any... I've got one in my bag.

Here.

Now, why don't you go upstairs and make yourself comfortable?

Okay.

Is that it?

I don't know.

How long's this been going on for? Ages.

It was already going when I woke up.

What's that under the door?

I don't know.

Why not complete your relaxing stay at the Miami Airport Hotel with a sumptuous

breakfast in the Rainbow Room?

High attack the building.

Probably in Nevada by now.

Use formality as the keynote. Come as you are.

Great. I'll bring the toilet.

Mr. Colonial.

Mum, it's all right.

This is it, everybody.

Break it, guys.

What's happening?

Probably the afterstorm.

I'm going out.

No, Ben, you can't. Just for a moment.

Can I come?

No. Especially if I go alone. We don't know what's out there.

Might be a lot of damage.

Now be ready to shut the door behind me.

You all right?

I think you'd better come in.

Are you sure?

What's happened?

What time is it?

It's 11 o 'clock.

Latest exclusive pictures.

Bob. Thanks, Chet. And the big news is that Hurricane Bill changed course at

about 9 o 'clock last night, veered northwest and struck Lanning, Carolina,

bringing with it winds of up to 120 miles an hour and making an estimated 10

,000 people homeless.

Oh, thank God.

Mother! Oh, you know what I mean. If we could...

The local power cut, which lasted ten minutes, was a result of family power

to human error.

Human error?

Now, come on. No, I will not. What do they mean, human error? Human stupidity,

more like.

Well, I quite enjoyed it. You would. Well, I did not. Shut up!

Shut up!

It doesn't matter whether there was a hurricane or not.

Don't you get it?

Shall we get ready to go home or shall we eat?

Eat. Right.

Oh, no.

Race you to the rainbow roof.

It's a wonderful life.

And fish in the sea, all born to be free.

Good for you. Yes.

That's right, Bob.

It's official.

Hurricane Bill is now clear of the continental USA.

It took a northeast turn this morning and is heading across the Atlantic

straight to the United Kingdom.

We'll be back after this very important message.