Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam. Cause there's no place

home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with no flame or wave.

Pulling together, we'll make it right.

With help from our friends, I... So we can try Cause there's no place like home

With your family around you You're never alone When you know that you love You

don't need to roam Cause there ain't no place like There ain't no place

like Cause there ain't no place like There's no place like home

I mean no place like

Larry, would you stop being such a fuss budget?

Now, baby, you know my mama.

Her main mission in life is to find dust bunnies and bust them before they can

multiply.

Look, she's not coming here for an inspection. She's coming here because

little girl is graduating from high school.

Daddy, I'm not a little girl.

Face it, baby. Even when you get to be a grandmama, you'll be daddy's little

girl.

Okay, then when I'm 65, I can come home and ask for my allowance, right?

That's right.

The same five dollars.

Hi, Lester. Hi, Lester.

Hi. Yo, Mr.

Jenkins. Yo, yourself, Calvin.

Glad to see you can make it for the graduation.

It ought to. She's been cleaning nonstop for a week. Come on, Captain. Let's go

in the back and check out the playoffs.

Uh, Miss Shea, those are for the guests.

Guests who?

Oh.

What's wrong, Mary?

Child, I think those flapjacks I had this morning are doing flip -flops in my

stomach.

Now, that's impossible. You know I'm ten years younger than you.

In your other life.

And I see you brought Father Meriwether with you.

Very funny, Mary.

He is on an undercover assignment.

It was either this or a nun.

Actually, I tried to have it on him, but it made me look like a seven -foot, two

-inch penguin.

Clean. As a whistle.

Hi, there.

Hi, Daddy.

Nice to meet you.

Hey,

Mom. Hey,

Mom.

Don't even think about it.

Travis, where's my father?

I knew I left somebody at the airport, Travis.

I'm just kidding.

He's watching the luggage. Go get him. Come on. Go get him.

Well, Carolyn and Henry Hurley, let me present my husband, Warren Merriweather.

You married a priest?

A high priest.

No, no, no. You see, Warren is a police officer. I'm dressed this way because

I'm going undercover.

Oh, somebody cheating at bingo again?

Why don't you and Eva bring in some more refreshments? Okay. Oh, and I'll help.

All the cookies are gone.

Excuse me, I don't think we ever met before.

Oh, I'm a friend of your father's. Oh, sir, I want you to meet Mrs. Hayes.

what a coincidence. You two bumping into each other in Washington.

Oh, no coincidence.

I came with him.

This is Mary.

Hello, Mary.

And this is the cutest little granddaughter ever born. Hey.

Pumpkins. Mary.

My father's traveling with a woman.

It's okay for you.

planning my future. Brenda, take a tip from a woman of experience.

Be anything you want to be. Just wear sensible shoes.

Look what I found.

I sure hope that finger means I'm number one.

Just on the toilet paper roller.

No, and I put a whole roll on it just to hide it from you.

Let me give you a graduation present now, honey. Ooh, all right.

Now, if you think that one's something, wait until you see the gift that we got

you. Uh, maybe she could open out later.

Oh, nonsense.

We put a lot of time and thought into our gift. We didn't just run out and buy

the first thing we saw. Henry.

Why?

That's why.

Two laptop computers. Now all I need is another lap.

Um, dessert.

Is that apple turnovers? Sure is.

Oh, Milton.

Remember your cholesterol level.

Mrs. Hayes, that's my mama's recipe.

She always baked apple turnovers for special occasions. It was her way of

saying, I love you.

Well, I'm saying the same thing. That's why I'm telling him that's bad for him.

You're right, Ruby.

Ruby, that's my mama's name.

Well, it's my name, too.

Why don't I put these back in the kitchen?

Just leave it right here. My dad wants to eat apple turnovers. Nobody's going

stop him. Now, you eat, Dad.

I have a great idea. Is anyone interested in seeing my class pictures?

think so, but we better get out of here before Lester makes a complete ass of

himself.

Honey, what's wrong with you? Nothing, except that a man who just lost his

loving wife is suddenly taking out -of -town trips with another woman.

Just lost her? Honey, your mother's been dead almost two years.

And as far as going out of town is concerned, the man is way over 21.

And what about him calling her Ruby?

her name.

What you want him to call her? Hey, you?

Oh, baby, look.

If something were to happen to me, I'd want you to be with someone else.

Just don't start auditioning now.

Well, I don't care what you say. I think it's a damn shame.

And speaking of a damn shame, come on in, Judy.

What is that delightful aroma?

Probably that cheap cologne you wear.

No, I was referring to the wonderful smell of homemade apple turnovers.

Have one, won't you? Well, maybe I can choke down just one.

Mary, you look a little green around the gills.

Oh, don't tell me you're trying a new makeup.

Kermit number three.

Thank you, Mr.

Piggy.

I think you ought to take yours back. You take yours back. No, you take yours

back. You take yours back. Yours go back.

Stop it.

Who are these delightful people?

These are Mary's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Hurley. That's my dad, Milton, and his

friend, Mrs. Hayes. Julian Barlow, our landlord.

My pleasure, my pleasure. By the by, at what hotel are you fine people staying?

Julian is staying with us.

But... Why be so cramped when you can spread out in a luxurious pent -out

at the Beverly Barlow Hotel?

How generous of you, Mr. Barlow.

Mary, I don't know why you said he was such a stingy, money -grubbing person.

and all at the modest rate of only $200 a night.

$200 a night? They could stay at the White House for that.

All right, all right.

For you, $50.

But there'll be no chocolates on the pillow, no wake -up calls, and I'll have

lock up my ice machine.

Julian, where are you going to sleep?

In my room, of course.

But if you're in your room and the Hurleys are sharing the second bedroom,

means Dad and his friend Mrs. Hayes have to share the th...

What a great movie, huh? The acting, the writing, the directing. I can't believe

it didn't walk off with an Oscar.

Gidget never looked better.

Milton, it's time we turned in. It's after 2 o 'clock.

Oh, the night is still young.

But we're done.

I've seen people up all over town. People just partying and carrying on.

Yes, what is going on?

Nothing, baby. I just came up to say goodnight. That was three hours ago.

It's all this racket.

I am trying to sleep here.

And where do you get your sleep? Where? Frederick's or Flintstone?

Now, look.

I've been very nice letting these people stay here, but not turn my house into

an after -hours social club.

Well, we're sorry we woke you, and we're on our way in now.

Well, good, because if I don't get my full eight hours sleep, I get very

Child, you ain't slept in years, huh?

Uh, uh, come on, wait, Dad.

Only a few hours before daylight. Come on, we could stay up all night.

Good night.

Lester Jenkins, I know what you're trying to do, so give it up.

I'm not trying to do anything.

You think I tired him out?

Let's hang the trapeze over here, Ruby.

A trapeze?

And we're working without a net.

Good night, son.

Aren't you eating?

Come in.

Morning, Mary.

Nothing. Oh, good morning.

Well, if it isn't applying, we're lenders.

Well, you're just in time for breakfast.

I'll make some more.

Oh, can I help? Oh, thank you.

Watch it, Pop. You didn't get the okay from Mrs. Hayes.

Now, let's say you're not being fair to me or Mrs. Hayes. And you're not being

fair to me or Mom.

Well, what do you want me to do? Your mother died, not me.

I'm still living, son, and I need some companionship.

I'd get you a dog.

Now you're acting like a child. Well, maybe so, but you're the one that

that woman here.

Lester! Oh, no, wait.

Lester's right.

Maybe I don't belong here.

Don't be ridiculous.

Well, he needs a little more time, Milton.

So I'll just get my things together, and I'll fly out of here this afternoon.

Oh, Mrs. Hayes, please don't do that.

Mary, if she wants to go, it's her decision. If she goes, then I'm going

with her. Fine, miss your granddaughter's graduation.

See if I care. Go on.

You're behaving like a silly... Mary, what's the matter with you?

Get a doctor.

Call 911, quick.

Have

you

heard anything?

Not yet, but I'm sure they're doing the best they can. She's at the best

hospital in Washington.

He's right.

President Reagan had his.

Henry, did he have his nose or his booty fixed yet?

Well, don't ask me. I'm a Democrat.

What's the matter? What's wrong?

What's his sign?

She said she's so upset about Mrs. Jenkins if something was to happen to

she wouldn't know what to do.

What's she saying now?

And she also wants to know where the cafeteria is.

Lester Jenkins?

Yes!

Lester Jenkins, how's my wife?

Well, I don't think we're going to need him.

Oh, he's not a priest.

He plays center for the Vatican basketball team.

She's kidding. I play forward. The big guy, he plays center, and it's his ball.

Oh, I see.

Psychiatry on three.

How's my wife?

We'll be fine. Just as soon as we remove our appendix.

Hey,

baby, don't worry. Everything's going to be fine.

It's my fault.

I should have had her appendix removed with a tonsil.

Mary, sweetheart, be all right.

I will.

I love you, Mommy.

I love you, too.

And, baby.

Yeah? Remember what I said yesterday about finding someone else if something

should happen to me?

Yeah. I lied.

What's wrong with her now?

She said the gurney read over her foot.

Hey, Mary.

I know you can't hear me, but I just talked to the doctor and he said you did

just great.

You sure gave all of us a big scare, though.

I don't know what I'd ever do if I lost you.

Would you mind holding it down?

I'm healing here.

I'm sorry. I guess I got a little carried away.

You a first -timer?

Yeah, my wife is going to have just had an appendectomy. I read her charts.

Nothing to those babies. I had two of them.

I've been written up in a lot of medical journals.

What are you in here for? I've had extensive facial reconstruction.

Eyes, nose, lips, cheek, neck, you name it. Hell, I had.

That must have been some accident. What accident?

It was an anniversary gift from my husband.

I think he wants to make love to another woman without cheating on me.

Excuse me, my wife is calling.

I'm right here, baby.

Oh, hi, honey.

What do we have, a boy or a girl?

You had an appendectomy and you're doing just fine.

If that's a mirror, you lying to me.

I'm Luann Costello.

If you get me out of here, I ain't sharing the room with no mummy.

You hurt her feelings.

Don't worry about my feelings. I had them removed in 82.

Don't wake the chipper.

Our eyes are open. We're awake.

And we're ready to take our temperature.

I hope it ain't where our sun don't shine.

When do we go home?

Well, I go home at 7.

But we're going to be here for a few days.

We can't be here a few days.

Our daughter, and that our does not include you, our daughter is graduating

tomorrow, and I intend to be there.

Mary, I spoke to the doctor about that, and he said that's impossible.

I am not missing Brenda's graduation.

Daddy,

you okay?

I'm fine. Go on back to sleep.

Are you sure you got one of those Mary, I need to talk looks on your face?

Yeah, well, your mama's not here.

I am.

I'm okay, sugar. Go on back to bed.

Good night.

Good night.

No, wait.

Don't go.

It's Grandpa, isn't it?

I don't understand him. How could he forget Mama so soon?

Well, what makes you think he forgot Grandma?

He's running around with another woman. At least he could have done what he

talked to me about at first.

Well, maybe he knew how you react.

And what's that supposed to mean?

Daddy, sometimes you see things from just one side.

Well, that's enough talk for tonight.

Daddy, that's exactly what I mean. You invited me to sit down and talk. Now sit

down and talk.

Have you ever asked Grandpa if he missed Grandma?

Well, no.

It's not exactly something you talk about.

Well, why not, Daddy? It's something you both share.

I wouldn't know what to say.

Just go to him. He'll know what to say. Trust me, parents always do.

Sometimes daughters do, too, huh?

Thanks, sugar.

Love you, Daddy.

All right.

I knew when I put a door down here this would happen.

All right, all right.

Holy smokies. Let's just 1 o 'clock in the morning.

You better have a rent check in your pocket.

You don't have to talk to my father. Get him up. Oh, can it wait?

Just do it, Kimo Sabe.

This.

I heard that Billy Dee sees one of these water masks every night. We all know

how good he looks.

Billy Dee, you're going to need a hell of a lot more water than this.

You better sleep with your head in the Potomac River. Now wake up, my father.

It's all right, Julian. I'm awake.

I'm going back to sleep. Now, if you two go at it again, please avoid my china.

It's rented.

Dad, we need to talk.

Well, let's get at it.

You think I've forgotten your mother, don't you?

It seems that way.

Lester, don't you know you can't forget a woman you've lived with and loved for

50 years?

She's in my heart with every breath I take. Then why are you replacing her

another woman? I'm not replacing her with another woman.

Don't you feel lonely with Mary in the hospital?

Multiply that by two years of empty nights.

Ruby just wants to see the rest of my life as full of love, like the first.

Is that asking too much?

Well...

No, but... Why didn't you tell me about it before you brought it here? I was

afraid you'd act the way you did.

But you're right.

I should have told you.

And I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry, too, Dad.

Champ. All right.

Listen, let's wake Ruby up. I want to apologize to her. No, we can wait till

tomorrow. If she saw Billy Dee and she's got one of those masks on... Ugly.

There is no way I'm missing my daughter's graduation.

Luann, cool it. You'll blow my escape.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to drink some juice.

I can't figure out where they put my mouth this time.

Dr. Valenzuela, report to emergency.

And where do we think we're going?

Back to our bed.

Very good.

Come on, hop on in there.

Well, it's just as well.

In this hospital gown, those auditorium seats would have froze my backside.

Oh, Dr. Pierce.

Time to remove our bandages, Mrs. Costello.

Well, break a face.

Hi, Mrs. Jenkins.

Oh, hi, Calvin.

Hi, Mommy.

Hi, honey.

How's my little scholar?

I didn't graduate.

This is a joke, right?

It was the shot that I threw.

Can I get my gift back?

Brenda, what happened?

Oh, she went right up to the podium.

Yeah, you would have loved it too, Mary. She looked so educated.

Is anybody going to tell me what happened? They played a stirring

pomp and circumstance, but she refused to take her diploma.

Brenda, what happened? Now, don't be mad at her.

But, Mama... Now, Mary, you should be very proud.

Took a lot of guts. She's a real hurly.

She's a jinkus, right, Milton?

That's right.

Mom, I couldn't accept my diploma because I knew how much it meant for you

there.

I know, honey, but... And even more important, Mom, I wanted you there.

Uh, I used my influence. I went to the principal, Mr. Cromwell. We reminded him

who I was, and, uh... Mr.

Jenkins, come on down!

Hey, look who's here.

Principal Cromwell!

Well, Mrs. Jenkins, this is a bit unusual, holding a graduation in a

But, uh...

What's his name made such an impassioned feeling?

You helped out so much at school, how could I say no?

Ready, Brenda?

Go get him, Brenda.

And now, Brenda Jenkins, it is my pleasure as principal of Waverly High

to bestow on you a 1990 diploma with honors.

Brenda Marie Jenkins.

Hooray!

Oh, honey, it seems like just yesterday you were yelling and screaming and

keeping us up all night.

And now my baby's all grown up.

Almost.

You did us all proud.

I couldn't have done it without you, Mom.

Oh, no!

I don't believe this!

Oh, my God!

Luann, what's the matter?

What's the matter?

I'd make him give me my money back.