Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam. Cause there's no place

home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with no flame or way.

Pulling together, we'll make it right.

With help from our friends and...

No place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you're loved, you don't need to roam.

The show starts in 30 seconds.

I know. I can't find the station.

Who knows what number WBZE comes out? Oh, I think it's 10 -7. No, no, no, no.

-95. 12 -95. That's it.

12 -95 is what you paid for that belt this morning, woman.

Oh, I got it. You're listening to WBZE.

12 -95 on the dial. See?

Coming up next, the winner of the WBZE Be a DJ for a Week contest, Lester

Jenkins.

That doesn't sound like Lester.

That's because it isn't, Eva.

Hey, all you night owl's lovers and insomniacs.

Get ready for the sound of jazz.

I'm your genial host, Lester Letskin Jazzy Jenkins, the lone wolf of late

He's off to a bad start, Mary.

The dog is complaining already.

The Lone Wolf is his trademark. He started when he was a DJ in college.

Oh. Now let's get down to some serious listening.

While I dedicate this first tune to the one I love, it's our favorite, Stardust.

Who's he talking about?

He's talking about me, Eva.

Thank you, honey.

Mary, you're so lucky to win this contest for Lester.

I know.

Well, he's always had two dreams, one to be a movie star, the other to be a DJ.

They ain't had no movie star contest.

So I settled for the DJ.

Well, he's better off anyway.

You know, Billy the Williams and Eddie Murphy got all the women sold up anyway.

I know that's right.

You know, I was telling Lester, in the next two weeks, he'll spend so much wax,

he'll think he's an ear doctor.

And that was starred us by Art Tatum. Well, I see the phone lines are lighting

up. Let's take a request.

You're on with the long walk. What can I do for you?

Hi, I'm Suzanne.

How about making me shake with delight?

Hey, I don't think I know that tune.

You're talking to the lone wolf. What'll it be?

I'm Vicki, and I'd rather tell you private.

Whoa! What's going on out there tonight?

We're taking a break for a commercial. We'll be right back with Jimmy Smith.

He'll have his mojo working, and apparently mine is working right now.

Hey, babe, the lone wolf is off the air and back in his lair. How'd you like the

old wolf call? Oh!

Oh,

that's what that was.

I thought you said on the microphone.

Oh, I'm just kidding, honey. You were terrific.

Did you hear all those calls from my female fans?

Yeah. I also saw how you were eating it up.

I'm just doing my job, Mary. You know, winning that contest for me might have

been a big mistake. I mean, you had to know that the lone wolf was going to get

a lot of calls from all those lonely little red riding hoods out there.

And that's only a hint of things to come.

Oh, Grandpa, what a big imagination you have.

You know, I think I'll get me a new black book. No, a Rolodex. One of those

gadgets they got in the bakery that says, take a number for faster service.

I got your number.

And if any of those little red riding hoods ever decide to pick your number,

they're going to really be disappointed because they won't get any service.

You'll be running so fast, they'll think you're the roadrunner.

Couldn't even handle it, you chicken.

I could if I wanted to, but I don't want to. But if I did, I could.

Watch out, all you D .C. dollies. The lone wolf is on the howl again.

Howl!

Don't move. Wait right there. I'll get the lawnmower so you can shave your

And that was Miles Davis and Thelonious Monk.

And you're listening to WBZE, the big buzz in Washington, D .C. And this is

Lone Wolf, hoping the mood is right to help you make it through the night. Oh,

that goes the mood and the night.

Hey, hey, home DJ boy.

What do you say?

I'm trying to do a show. Go home.

You know, Lester, I've listened to your show all weekend. You're in

construction. How about a little constructive criticism?

Okay, none of your clothes match.

Stop it. You're killing me. Lone wolf humor. What the hell?

Lester, we came to throw your show a life preserver because it's sinking

It's not you, Lester. You we love.

It's your music.

Yeah, I know. It's jazz. The thinking man's music. But, of course, you guys

wouldn't know anything about that.

Now, now, before you scoff, check out the Travis Fillmore collection of

happening sounds.

After seven.

Fine young cannibals.

De la soul.

Donnie and Marie in the Holy Land.

Give me that.

Guys, beat it. Beat it. Michael Jackson. There you go.

That's a little closer to a fresh sound.

I got a fresh sound for you. Sound that door hitting you in the butt. Now get

out of here before I... Get down with the sound and sing your frown.

Let's take another request.

You all look the wrong wolf. What can I do for you?

Hi, Wolfie.

It's Christy.

I'm taking a bubble bath and thinking of you.

I sure wish I was one of those bubbles.

Please start us for me.

Hey, baby, I got it all queued up and waiting for you.

So what do you say?

Has your soap started to melt yet?

to that sexy howl. Anytime you say your tub or mine.

Whoa, whoa, time out. Tub check.

Hold on, baby.

What is it? I don't believe what I'm hearing. I do not believe what I'm

I am in shock city. I'm living in the corner of I don't believe and this.

Are you crazy?

Aren't you forgetting about something? Like your marriage, your vows, Mary's

left hook.

You guys don't understand. This is me.

She's using a phony, sexy voice. She's trying to play a trick on me. She's been

calling all week, requesting Stardust. That's our favorite song.

Ah.

Ah.

So the spouse is trying to keep the old spice in the marriage. Very Dr.

Ruth.

You howling dogs.

Say, baby, I don't have a show tomorrow night.

How about you and me getting together at my place around 8 -ish?

I'll be there.

And when I get there, I'm going to take you places you've never been before.

I'm going to go towel off now.

So am I.

Well, Mary, it's almost 8 o 'clock.

You know, baby, ever since you've been at the radio station, you just can't

announcing the time.

Well,

I see the lone wolf is turning in early tonight.

As if you didn't know what.

Oh, baby, I wouldn't sit down in those silk pajamas if I were you. You may slip

off the sofa and slide right into the kitchen.

Well, the sofa wasn't where I was planning on doing my slipping and

Oh, no, you don't.

I haven't been out with the girls in a long time, and it's the first time I'm

going out, and I'm going.

You going out tonight?

Yeah, you got a problem with that?

Oh, no, I get it.

That makes sense.

You have to leave our place so you can come back over to my place.

I got it. I like that. That's cool.

I hate to tell you this, but I think you got a problem in that place.

Well, anyway, bye -bye.

Good night.

Good night, baby. Sleep tight.

And don't let those soup worms bite.

Oh, Mad Jenkins, you sure know how to play the love game.

That didn't take long.

I'm coming, Mary.

I mean, Christy.

Hi,

Wolfie.

Wolfie?

Who are you?

Play Stardust for me?

Oh, no. You better be the Avon lady or I'm in big trouble.

I'm Christy.

My, what a nice place you have here.

No, no. Christy just went to the movies.

Oh, wow.

Sweet, a picture of your mother.

That's my wife.

I'm a married man.

Who isn't these days?

You know, you're even sexier than your voice.

It's the light. I always look good with a three -way ball.

Can I sit down?

You know that dress better than I do.

Well, you better make a mental note of it. It may be gone before you know it.

Say, listen, when I made that date with you on the phone, I thought you were my

wife playing a trick on me. You know, when we talked on the phone, I felt a

spark between us. Let's see if we can turn that spark into a fire.

Howl for me, Wolfie, howl.

What do you know? That's the door. You and your dress have got to leave. Nice

meeting you. Oh, I just love it when you touch me. Get your hands off me, will

you?

Hey, Lester, Mary.

That don't look like Mary to me.

Is this going to take long, Wolfie?

Wolfie!

Look, fellas, it's not what you think.

It could be if you two would leave.

I can't. I got locked out of the... We got locked out of the apartment. I

thought he had the keys. He goes, no, no, no. I think you have the keys. I go,

no, no, no.

Anyway, we're locked out and you're locked out.

No, no, no, fellas. Now, I know what you're thinking. Of course you do,

We're all guys here.

Don't worry about it. The secret's safe with us. You big daddy Wolfie.

We'll leave you, Wolfie. We'll get out of your hair.

No, wait a minute. Hey, wait.

Look,

now, I'm sorry you came all the way over here. I told you I'm a married man. I

feel guilty enough already.

Well, as long as you feel guilty, might as well give you something to feel

guilty about.

I don't want to feel guilty.

Hi, Daddy.

Now I feel guilty.

Hi. Who are you?

Uh, Brenda, this is Christy. Christy, this is my daughter, Brenda, and my

daughter. This is Christy, and Christy was just leaving. Wasn't she, Christy?

Perhaps this isn't a good time.

I'll, uh, see you again soon, Wolfie.

Bye.

Wolfie!

Dad, what was she doing here, and why are you wearing your making -up -with

pajamas?

Friend, I don't know who that woman is.

She called me at the radio station. I thought it was your mother playing a

on me, so I invited her over for a date. Then your mother went to the movies,

and Christy showed up, and you came in the nick of time, and I sure hope you

believe me.

Slow down, Daddy. I do believe you. Oh, good.

By the way, Daddy, can I have a raise in my allowance?

Hey,

I'm just kidding.

But if I were you, I wouldn't mention this to Mom.

Look, I don't have anything to hide. Your mother and I have a marriage that's

based on trust. She's very understanding, reasonable, sensible.

So you're telling me to keep my mouth shut?

You got that right.

So how are your eggs, baby?

Mmm, just the way I like them.

Cooked by somebody else.

Oh, by the way, did I tell you I had a dream about you last night?

Oh, yeah?

Was it rated PG or R?

X.

I dreamed I caught you with another woman.

No, no, I wasn't coming, baby. I was laughing.

Me with another woman? That's hysterical. Me?

What'd you do when you got me?

I ripped your heart out with a linoleum knife.

Oh, pass the orange juice.

Man, you gotta stop eating those chili dogs late at night.

That's what's causing you to have all these wacky dreams.

Nobody? Must be nobody again.

You know, I don't know what's wrong with you.

You've been acting mighty strange lately.

I guess somebody in the family has to have some manners.

Good morning.

I'm Christy Connors.

I'm with the National Marriage Research Center.

Would you mind answering a few questions about your marriage?

Mary, tell her I already answered at the office.

Oh, honey, come on in, Miss Connors. Thank you.

Oh, I'm Mary Jenkins, and that's my husband, Lester.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, Mr.

Jenkins, your hand is all sweaty.

You're not nervous, are you?

No, it's a new lotion for men called Happily Married.

Well, have a seat, Miss Connors. Thank you.

Okay. Now, first of all, how long have you two been married?

Oh, 22 years. Yes, 22 wonderful years.

Okay. Now, how would you rate your marriage? Would you rate it A, heaven on

earth, B, acceptable, C, a living hell, or D, all of the

above?

I think we'd have to say A.

Don't you, dear? Oh, come on, baby. It's got to be higher than that. I'd say

triple A, and I don't mean emergency roadside service.

Oh, very good. Now, to get a little personal, How many times a week do you

your wife... 149 times each and every week.

You go to the movies 149 times a week?

What can I say? He loves popcorn.

Okay, now I hope this next question doesn't make you too uncomfortable, but,

Mr. Jenkins, do you ever have, uh, fantasies about other women?

Uh, no, no, no. ever since I've been married to, uh, uh, uh... Mary.

I have no interest in women.

Thank you.

I'll remember that. Tonight, tomorrow, and the next night.

Come on, Mary, was this a joke? You know, when you've been happily married

we have, you're always making these crazy jokes.

Well, Mrs. Jenkins, you are so fortunate to have a man like your husband.

Sometimes I think all of the good ones have been taken.

They have. That's why I married him.

That's another one of those happily married jokes. Let me show you to the

Goodbye, Mrs. Jenkins.

Goodbye, Miss Connors. Goodbye, Mr. Jenkins. Thank you for your help.

Don't come back.

There's a picture of me in a string bikini. Not for your fantasy.

I don't want your picture!

Now, let's take another request.

How are you doing tonight?

Play Stardust for me. Uh, we'll be right back.

Christy, you have got to stop this.

I have to see you again. I don't want to lose what we have.

We have nothing. You may have something. Matter of fact, you've got plenty of

something. I have plenty of nothing, and nothing is plenty for me.

How's tomorrow night? No!

I knew you'd come around. I'll see you around 7 .30, okay? Christy, listen.

Oh!

This is a lone ranger. I mean, a lone wolf.

I mean... We're back on the air.

Who is it?

It's Rose.

Oh.

Oh, Rose, I'm so glad to see you.

What the hell you want?

Where's Mary? I don't know. She's not home.

Oh, all right. Well, tell her I came by. Oh, by the way, Mr. Lone Wolf, Warren

and I have been listening to you, and you are so sexy.

Shut up. I bet those radio groupies keep your phone lines busy, huh?

Who told you that? I mean, that's not true. I haven't received any calls at

Wait now. Now, I know I've called you at least twice.

You see, Warren would like for you to play a little more Wynton, Marcella. Uh

-huh. Because it drives him crazy, which drives me crazy.

Good evening, Rose. It's always a pleasure to see your face. And it's

pleasure to see yours, especially when I'm leaving.

And the beautiful back here is... Stop it, Julian.

Lester, I need your expertise.

You see, I'm building some shelves over my bed now. What's the best way to keep

books from falling on my head during an earthquake?

Glue them to the shelves.

San Francisco certainly could have used you.

Listen, Julian, I got a big problem. See, there's this incredibly gorgeous

female listener who won't leave me alone. She can't keep her hands off of

Well, shoot, I'd be happy to take her hands off your hands.

No, this is serious. I got to get rid of her. Look, she even gave me this

picture.

Wait a minute.

I recognize this bikini and the woman who is almost in it. This is Joanne

Watson. No, no, no, her name is Christy Connors. I beg to differ with you,

Lester. She's an actress. In fact, she was the first woman to star in Give Him

Hell, Harry.

No, no, you're talking about somebody else.

Lester, any time a woman plays Harry S. Truman, you don't forget her.

She's in that little theater group, the Ninth Street Players.

Hey, that's the group that Mary belongs to.

Then Mary must know her.

Yeah, but why didn't she say so when what's -her -name was over here the

morning?

Eddie, schoolboy can figure this out. Mary is testing your fidelity.

But that's crazy. I'm not going to do anything, and even if I were to... Wait

minute.

She's trying to turn the lone wolf into a roadrunner to see if he'll run out of

the bakery like a chicken?

Well, I'll show her two can play that game.

Hi, Wolfie.

I told you not to come back. I'm hungry.

Then go down to the pizza place on the corner. I'm hungry for love.

Then tell him to hold the onions.

You know, Wolfie, I've been thinking about you morning, noon, night, walking

dog, ironing my clothes. I told you I'm a married man. Poor Lester, he's so

scared.

Yeah, I think the lone wolf better throw in the towel on that hog.

I can't believe that you and Joanne would pull such a low -down, dirty trick

me. John, I love it.

He was the one bragging about all the women, how he had what it takes.

I used to have what it takes, but now I forgot what it took.

Get your hot body off of me.

Now, listen, let's be logical.

Suppose we did have this meaningless fling. Do you think it's worth

the lives of a whole lot of people just for one spectacular night together?

Mm -hmm, I really do.

Then that's good enough for me, baby.

Lester, what are you doing?

Nothing yet, but I will.

I should have done this days ago.

Mary! What should he have done days ago?

Take it out of my life insurance.

Come to Wolfie, baby.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Lester, I'm having second thoughts about this. I

we're making a very big mistake here. No, no, the mistake would be if we

take advantage of this magical moment. Now, are you going to come to Wolfie, or

does Wolfie have to chase you around his land?

Let's go for the chase. No!

Oh,

no, no, thank goodness.

What do you think you're doing?

And don't leave out the good stuff.

Well, Mary, to be honest, you've heard of the seven -year itch. Well, I got the

22 -year tickle. Christy and I are an item.

Oh, no, we're not.

Mary, I know the name of a very good lawyer.

And you can come live with me till the whole sordid mess is over.

Oh, no.

I'm not going anywhere. If anybody's going anywhere, it's going to be him.

dare you chase around with this...

That's not a nice thing to say to Joanne after all she's done for you.

All she's done for me?

Ha! All Joanne has done for me is... Joanne!

Oh, did I say Joanne? I meant Christy.

Oh, Lester, you knew all the time.

How'd you find out? Never mind.

Everybody out!

Okay.

Not you, Mary.

You have a lot of explaining to do.

And Mary?

Don't you ever ask me to do anything like this again.

My husband would kill me.

Claire Jenkins, why'd you pull such a dumb, stupid trick in the first place?

You were the one bragging about how all the little red riding hoods would be

chasing after you. I just wanted to prove that if they did, you would run

rabbit. You gotta admit it was funny.

Funny? It was hysterical. It was so funny, in fact, I'm gonna be sleeping on

their couch for the next six months.

Wolfie. Wolfie my butt.

Wolfie.

Little Red Riding Hood's been to Grandmama's house and brought you back a

of goodies.

Goodies?

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