All language subtitles for 227 s05e04 The Fight of the Century

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're
never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't
need to roam. Cause there's no place

home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with old flame away.

Pulling together, we'll make it right.

With help from our friends, I know we
can try. Cause there's no place like

With your family around you, you're
never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't
need to roam.

Cause there ain't no place like Beverly
Hills. There ain't no place like Beverly

Hills.

There's no place like home.

I mean, no place, child.

Now, look, you can't talk to me that
way, so just cancel our cable.

We pay $39 a month, and all we get is
the same movies over and over.

How many times can we watch Howard the
Duck?

You look great.

Thank you.

Wouldn't you know it, we finally get to
see Les Miserables, and your father

decides to be late.

Show starts at 8 o 'clock.

He'd be asleep by 8 .30.

Okay, lady, your lock's done.

Thank you.

Here are your new keys.

Thank you.

Brenda, try not to lose your pocketbook
again.

Put a man in the bedroom.

Okay, but, Mom, I don't see why you had
to go through all this trouble.

I lost my purse once, and I didn't
change a lot.

Greatest mistake I ever made in my life.

Next thing I know, a sex fiend was at my
door.

What happened?

I married him.

Hey, hey, hey, it's showtime.

Hi, honey.

I'm glad to see you're as excited as I
am. You better I am. Let the games

Hey, I got dibs on the count.

Let's break out some chips and some dip.
Stupid fight.

Super fight.

What's going on?

Only the fight of the century.

Oh! Super fight.

There's a fight on tonight?

Yeah, the champ's gonna beat Ironhead
like he stole something.

Well, talk is cheap. In approximately
one hour, Ironhead is gonna show the

who the real champ is.

And in approximately one hour, we are
going to be in our orchestra seats at

Kennedy Center watching Les Mis,
remember?

Les Mis is tonight? No, I can't go
anywhere tonight.

Lester, I stood in line in the rain for
five hours to get those tickets.

Oh, you should have talked to me.

I got a cousin at the Kennedy Center.

You mean that guy with the broom?

Honey, they sold out for the entire run.
You can't back out on me now.

But, Mary, this is Ironhead Harris
versus Gypsy Joe Jones.

I don't care if it's Julie Harris versus
Gypsy Rose Lee.

We are going to see Les Mis.

Look, babe, come on. Yeah, you promised.

Just take... Keep it and look at it when
you come home. Oh, it's not the same

thing.

And it's not the same thing watching Les
Mis without you.

Oh, all right, I'll tape the fight.
Sorry, fellas, you better go over to

Smitty's and watch it like you planned.

Gosh,

he folds easily.

Oh, honey, you won't be sorry. You're
gonna love Les Miserables.

I should. I'm already Miserable.

I just love that movie, Rose.

I thought it said a lot about the human
condition and the cosmic evolution of

the universe.

What part did you like?

The Batmobile.

Oh, here comes Mary and Lester.

Hey, girl.

How was my minute tonight?

Oh, it was excellent.

What? Lester's still in the car?

Well, he taped the fight, and he doesn't
want anybody to tell him who won. What

fight? Perfect.

Okay, honey, the coast is clear.

How did you like Les Mis?

Splendid, breathtaking, incredible.

Two thumbs up.

How about that knockout tonight?

You know, I didn't think Ironhead had it
in him. Oh, Pearl!

Pearl! He taped it, but he hasn't seen
it yet.

I think my cats are calling me.

Well, that's okay, honey. It's still
worth seeing.

How about that your guy won?

Yeah, I knew Ironhead could do it. Come
on, let's check out the tape.

Remember, just treat me like one of the
boys. Mm -hmm.

Here.

Here's your quiche.

Mary, what kind of boys did you have in
mind?

Mary, is somebody messing around with my
machine?

No, maybe you programmed it wrong. No, I
didn't. I double -checked the settings.

I bet the doggone cable is out again.

This fight was on cable?

The same cable as Howard the Duck?

Yeah, the fight was on cable.

I think I'm going to visit Aunt Vera in
Detroit.

Hold it!

I didn't do anything.

Uh -huh.

Besides, they were very rude to me.

If you had been here, you would have
said, you can't talk to my wife that

So I told him, you can't talk to
Lester's wife that way.

Then I canceled the cable.

Well, what else could I do? You could
have canceled it after the fight.

I had to know the fight was on stupid
cable. The cable wasn't stupid. It

cancel itself.

Are you calling me stupid?

I didn't say that, but it was a dumb
thing to do.

So now I'm promoted from stupid to dumb.

Hey,

what's all the yelling about?

You guys watching reruns of The
Jeffersons?

No, dear.

Your father and I were just recreating a
scene from Les Miserables.

Yeah, the execution scene.

Glad you guys had a good time.

Good night.

Good night.

By the way, there's static on the TV.

Thank you, dear.

Mary, you owe me an apology.

I am not going to apologize for an
honest mistake.

You know, my mother was right about you
all the time.

Right about what? Never mind about what.
She was just right, that's what.

Why don't you just go on over there to
your right mama's house and see if she's

scared?

Well, if that's the way you feel about
it, maybe I will.

And stay over there with your right
mama.

And you stay over here with that snow
bear on TV.

Well, look who's sneaking around after
hours.

After ours, what are you, the house
mother?

You dirty doggy.

Been doing some midnight moving,
stepping out on the little woman.

Look, I hate to spoil your twisted
fantasy, but Mary and I had a little

argument, and I took a walk to cool off.

Oh, boy, women, you can't live with
them.

Can't kill them.

Well, anyway, I'm calm now. It's all
over, so good night. Good night. How

that fight tonight?

Mary made me miss the doggone fight.

But I'm okay. I'm cool.

Hey, something's wrong.

The keys won't fit.

You know what I think.

I know what I think.

Mary changed the locks on me and locked
me out of my own apartment. That's what

I think.

You don't mind if I take the bedroom for
another week, do you? Cool.

Uh,

Travis?

Huh? Uh, this is my week in the bedroom
and your week right here on the rack.

The rack.

It's tough living with a teacher.

You guys always know the rules.

Um... What'd you do with my dining room
table?

Nothing. It's under your laundry.

All I do is clean up around here.

You missed a spot.

Oh, gosh, thanks.

You found my test papers.

Young Pinky Perlman thinks that Magellan
circumcised the globe.

little talk with that boy.

Yo, Lester.

Hey, Travis. What's up?

I need a little favor. I'm locked out
now. I was wondering if I could crash

for the night.

Squeezed out by the main squeeze?

No, it's late and I don't want to wake
Mary.

Well, hey, Lester.

No problemo.

We got plenty of room.

We've been wondering what to do with all
this extra space.

Well, maybe I could crash there on the
couch.

Not while I'm in it.

Get a sleep over there.

Okay, you got any sheets?

Travis, our first slumber party.

Oh, Mary, will you please sit down?

Now, I didn't come up here at the crack
of dawn to watch you dust the floor with

those stupid bunny slippers.

Rose. Lester has never stayed out all
night before.

Well, maybe he's at the construction
site.

No, I checked.

Even his answering machine isn't up yet.

Rose, I'm worried.

Suppose something happened to him. Oh,
get a grip, Mary.

Now, if something happened to him, I'm
sure we would have heard by now.

Shoot, I'm going back to bed.

You sure are a cold -blooded friend.

Now, just suppose he had an accident, or
he has amnesia, or was hit by a bus, or

he's lying in some emergency room
somewhere calling my name.

Mary.

Well, we can rule out amnesia.

Oh, honey.

It must have been terrible. What
hospital were you in?

Woman, what are you talking about?

You weren't in the hospital in the
emergency room calling my name?

Of course not.

Then I think you better make a
reservation.

Look, Mary, don't you start with me. The
only thing I want to hear coming out of

your mouth is an explanation.

An explanation?

From me?

You're the one who stayed out all night.
You know good and well why I stayed out

all night.

No, I just... Mom, I'm running late for
school, so I'm going to grab some

breakfast on the way, okay?

Okay.

Is anything wrong?

Oh, of course not, sugar. Everything's
fine.

Yeah, fine.

We're just going over another scene from
Les Miserables.

Yeah, we're in act two now.

Okay, I'll see you later.

Okay. Have a nice time.

That's ridiculous! Don't you dare try to
blame this on me!

I told you I did not know that your
stupid fight was on cable. This isn't

the cable, and you know it. Then what's
it about?

Look, if you don't know what you did,
I'm not going to tell you what you did.

And what's more, I'm not coming back.

Do you apologize for what you did?

God damn, don't!

What did I do?

So, you have nothing to worry about as
long as your husband wears those dresses

in the privacy of your own home.

Okay?

Thank you for calling.

Hello, this is the love doctor.

You're on the air.

Am I on?

doctor. My name is Shirley.

And my husband, Chester, and I had a
fight about our table service.

Well, that seems pretty trivial.

Have you and Chester been married a long
time?

Why, yes, we have.

What about it? Well, perhaps you and
Chester aren't making the extra effort

keep your relationship exciting and
fresh.

Shirley, do you go around the house in
old clothes and bunny slippers?

Bunny slippers.

Of course not. I wouldn't be caught dead
in bunny slippers.

Well, good.

That's the start.

Now... May!

Open up! It's your three best friends in
confidant!

Love, Doctor.

Somebody's at the door. Go to
commercial.

I'm sorry, but I have a very important
business call.

Could you come back? Oh, yes. We know.

Shirley.

Are you making Chester for dinner
tonight?

Shirley? Shirley, are you there?

Hi, love doctor.

Can I take two men and call you in the
morning?

I'm sorry, love doctor, but my husband
just sent me a diamond bracelet, so I

won't be needing your services anymore.

Wait a minute. Don't hang up, Shirley.

Oh, we wanted to hear what the doctor
prescribed.

Well, she gave me some stale advice.

about keeping my marriage fresh.

Well, what she wants you to do, walk
around the house in a Ziploc baggie?

Hey, you know I got a negligee that'll
make any man get fresh.

Girl... I got one I've been saving with
raise the dead.

That won't work on Lester. When he gets
mad, he's as stubborn as a mule.

Hey, Dylan, you mind if I use some of
this aftershave?

No, help yourself. It came with the
apartment.

What's a four -letter word for dingbat?

Mary.

After 22 years of wedded bliss, my wife
decides to go wacko.

You know, Lester, you're just letting
your little spat with Mary and... Wait a

minute. Mary does fit in.

Told you.

Dylan!

The limo driver of love has done it
again.

I just picked up two of the finest
Korean stewardesses, and they are coming

tonight.

Oh, I'm sorry, Travis.

You know, I'm a teacher. I have
responsibilities.

I've got these papers to grade.

Did I happen to mention the fact that
they fine?

Megabody fine?

Megabody fine?

Mm -hmm.

They all get A's.

Anybody seen the sports case?

Uh, Lester, it's not that we don't love
you being here.

Because we do.

It's just that we got a couple of
stewardesses coming over. Get it? Get

it? I'll just stay in the bedroom all
night.

No problem.

He didn't get it. He didn't get it.

That's them.

I didn't know they were that eager to
get here.

Check this out.

You watching?

Come in, my little love muffins.

Well, you can call me what you want, but
the rent is still due.

Didn't we just pay that rent last month?

Hey, Julian, baby, you know we're good
for it? Hey, that is Mr.

Baby to you.

Anybody seen my glasses?

So this is where Lester's living now,
the poor fella.

Uh -huh, and we've got to get rid of
him, but Mary won't take him back.

I love the sounds of a marriage in
trouble. I think I'll go down to Mary's

listen to it close up and personal.

And while you're down there, why don't
you see if you can convince Mary to take

us to bat?

And if you can, anything we have is
yours.

Oh.

This was on the house.

It's not quite provocative in your
mouth, but we'll live longer in a vase.

And you'll live longer if you stay out
of my face.

I always take such pleasure from your
pungent mouths.

Am I interrupting something?

Possibly a dangerous liaison?

Julian, what are you babbling about?

Well, rumor has it that you and Lester
are no longer you and Lester.

I came down here to reconcile you two,
but I can see from your outfit you

no time getting back into circulation.

In a minute, I'm going to cut off your
circulation.

Now, don't get me wrong. I didn't come
down here to gloat. Pay no attention to

the smile on my face.

I simply cannot express my sorrow. My
heart is too full of it, you know. Your

heart's not the only thing that's full
of it.

Why don't you just mind your own
business, which is tending to this

and you can start by fixing that leak
you've been promising to fix for two

weeks. Wait a minute. I'm not a plumber.

Good. Then I'll just call a plumber and
take it off the rent.

I do do plumbing work.

Oh, I'll be right with you.

Hey, why don't we just call it truce? I
mean, we've both been acting a little

childish and... Why are you wearing that
outfit?

I don't care if the big windbag was up
there just fixing the thing. None of

would have happened if Mary hadn't
locked me out of our apartment in the

place. And now she's locked me out
again.

So you're going to be staying another
night.

You know what would do you a lot of
good?

A nice, long walk.

A long walk.

That must be the megabytes.

Start now. What?

Kim!

Jasmine! Hi, Travis.

Hi, I'm Kim. You must be Dylan.

Uh, no, I'm Lester Jenkins.

I'm Dylan.

Oh.

You said Dylan was charming? This guy
looks like a maitre d' at a sushi joint.

Yeah, but Lester's kind of sexy.

Hi, Lester.

I'm Jasmine.

Uh, hi, Jasmine. I'm married.

I'm not married. I'm not married.

Lester, just how married are you?

Yeah, there may have been more beautiful
weddings, but not for Mary and me.

Long after the music had stopped, we
were still dancing under the moonlight

our own music.

Oh, Lester, you're...

Oh, romantic.

I hope I'm lucky enough to find a man
like you.

Yeah.

This ain't never happened to me before.

Where did I go wrong?

Oh, Travis.

Oh, you called Mama? I called her
yesterday.

She's feeling much better.

Did you get Nestor another pillow?

Yeah, a nice, fluffy one.

A fluffy one.

Sure.

Anything for our pal Lester.

This is all your fault. My fault? What
do you mean, my fault?

You told him he could make himself at
home.

You know, I've been sitting here telling
you two how I feel about Mary when I

should be downstairs telling her.

That's the spirit, Lester.

Ooh, you're so tense.

Yeah, well, I have been under a lot of
stress lately.

Tim and I will take care of that.

Here, lift your foot.

Oh, that feels so good.

Yeah, yeah, come here.

I love it. Do that thing with your
knuckles again.

I got some knuckles for you.

Yeah, well, now you're past tense.

Mary! Mary!

Nice meeting you, ladies.

Mary!

Mary, Mary, will you let me explain?

Explain what? Why those two bimbos were
playing chopsticks on your body?

Look, they weren't my bimbos. They were
Travis and Dylan's bimbos.

Oh, so now you're blaming the bimbos on
the dumbos.

Travis and Dylan weren't even there.

didn't you have any reason to doubt me?

Well... No.

Now, you know there's not a woman in the
world that could tempt me to be untrue

to you, and you know that.

Well... Anyway, I'm the one that ought
to be upset. You locked me out of my own

house. I locked you... Is that what you
thought?

I changed the locks because Brenda lost
her key.

I just forgot to tell you.

You mean all this time we've been
fighting when we could have been...

Make you know.

Mom,

Dad, not in the hallway.

Brenda, we were just... I know,
disgusting Les Mis.

Mom, I'm going to go study at the
library, okay? Okay.

Yeah, Brenda, study, fine.

Have a good time.

What time does that library close?

Nine o 'clock.

Good. We got just enough time to get
inside and do some serious making up.

Yeah.

I can't use one word.

Oh, that's okay. I'll use mine.