All language subtitles for 227 s04e20 The Bet.eng

That no place like home.

If your family around you, you're never
alone.

When you know that you love, you don't
need to roam.

Cause there's no place like home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with no flame or wave.

Pulling together, we'll make it right.

No place like home With your family

them all in.

Well, just remember, tomorrow we add
push -ups to the regimen. Oh, just

in a month we'll be poster girls for
lean cuisine.

Speaking of cuisine, I'm starving. Me
too.

Now, according to our diet, we're
allowed one rye crisp, one celery stick,

one carrot stick. Which will it be?

I'll take the carrot. Cake.

Morning, baby.

Morning, Rose.

How's the diet coming?

That's good. How much weight have you
lost?

One? One what?

Pound? Ounce? Liter?

I was just trying to say, wait a minute
while I finish chewing the carrot I was

eating. Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't you mean the carrot cake?

a carrot in it.

All right, Lester, we were just giving
ourselves a little reward.

Uh -huh. And Mary, what do you call the
fudge you had yesterday in the pancake

with syrup and butter the day before
that?

Delicious.

Well, I'm going to hit the kitchen and
have some real breakfast. I'll chew

quietly so you two won't be tempted and
experience the agony of defeat.

You're about to experience the agony of
the neighbor.

Oh, Mary, I'm so mad I could scream.

Didn't you do that the other day about 2
o 'clock in the morning?

It wasn't me.

It's just a record I play. It helps me
get to sleep.

I never thought I'd say this, girls, but
men are beginning to frustrate me.

I thought it was the other way around.

You know my boyfriend Gregory the
doctor?

Anyway, I've had it with men. I got a
good mind to just give them all up.

What's that I hear? Giving up men?

Sondra Clark's hanging up the old spiked
heels? I think not.

You're beginning to rub me the wrong
way.

You know what, Sondra? You giving up men
is like Mary and Rose sticking to their

diet. Come on, Mary. It takes willpower.
And you don't have it for food just

like Sondra doesn't have it for men.

Bye, babe.

Giving up men.

Lester is right about one thing, though.

You two don't have the willpower to stay
on a diet.

Oh, and you have the willpower to give
up men, I suppose?

I can do anything I put my mind to,
including that.

Sandra Clark, if you gave up men, I'd
have to redo your apartment with rubber

wallpaper.

And if you stuck to your diet, you'd be
eating the pictures off of menus.

Pictures on menus?

Where these guys take you?

The point is, Mary, you could not stick
to your diet.

You mean you can't give up men? You want
to bet? Yes.

What? Well, you heard her. Nobody
challenges our willpower, right?

Right. And nobody challenges mine.

Okay.

Sudden death.

We'll see who gives up first.

You got a deal.

Hell, baby.

Here you are.

Man, we are people, not rabbits. We
can't live on this mess.

Lester has everything you need to
survive.

Except taste.

You've been gone for over a week now.
How much weight have you lost?

How much weight have I lost? Yes.

You want to know how much weight I've
lost? Yes.

I'll tell you how much weight I've lost.

I've gained two pounds.

I've gained three.

I've lost five.

Brenda, how would you like a nice, juicy
cheeseburger with a side of crispy

French fries?

Daddy, that's just what the doctor
ordered. All right.

Bye, Mary. Brenda and I are going out to
get some real food for dinner.

Traitors.

Mary, maybe Lester's right. Maybe you
should fix some real meals.

Shut up, Rose, and eat your roughage.

I wish my stomach was full.

Hi, everybody.

I just bought this cake, and I simply
had to share it with

my two best friends.

Sandra, we are not going to fall for
such an obvious, dumb ploy. Are we,

Rose?

Strawberry cheesecake.

Creamy, rich, sweet. A mere bite engulfs
your entire being in one splendiferous

taste sensation.

Oh, man.

Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

I love cheesecake.

Do me a favor, please, Mary, and not
mention man.

Did I say man? Yes.

I promise never to mention men again.

And Mary, make sure you don't mention
rich men. Or sexy men.

Or strong, virile men.

Oh, good.

Ah, got the girl.

Mary, but look, she left that cake.

Rose, we are going to win this bet. That
cake will sit there until it turns as

green as this lettuce.

Remember Scarvelli's Pizza?

Yeah. Well, they have a delivery man
there that is to die for. And all we

to do is... Max.

This stupid bed is driving me crazy. I
should have known I could never go this

long without a man.

Take me, you animal.

Pizza. Oh, Mary lives another day.

Oh, I'm dreaming.

Oh, that's a gorgeous pizza.

I mean, man. Oh, I got to remember this
bet, though.

Go away. I didn't order any pizza.

Sandra Clark, apartment J. Yes, but I
didn't order... pizza, I smell

and I never have my pizza with anchovies
unless I'm Shannon with a sailor.

Hey, um, mind if I come in and use the
phone to check this out?

Phone's over there.

Get a grip, girl. Sandra's steady.

Sure he's young, gorgeous, built like
the Buick.

But he's just a pizza delivery man. He
can't afford me.

Dag, it's busy.

Means I'll be making deliveries all
night, and I gotta take my bar exam in

morning. Ooh, so he's gonna be rich.

Oh, relax.

He's probably married.

Man, this is a week.

First I break up with my girlfriend, and
now this.

Hey, uh, you know, I think I will take
that pizza after all. Call up your boss

and tell him that you quit.

Sandra, can we come in?

It's an emergency.

Oh, no. I changed my mind. Quick, get
out of here. Okay.

Oh, but wait, wait. You've got to get
out of here without those ladies seeing

you. Oh, look, hide behind the screen.

Oh, wait, wait. Now, now, look, if I say
mozzarella, you make a run for it. But

if I say Max, then you hide, okay?

Boy, this is a witch.

Oh, what are you two doing here?

Oh, Sonny, your plumbing's about to
burst.

Why? Are we interrupting something?

Oh.

I'm spending a nice quiet evening at
home alone with my teddy bear.

Mary, look. She's ordered a pizza.

Mm -hmm. I'll just take it and then get
out of here.

Sausage, pepperoni, olives, mushrooms,
mozzarella.

Max!

Mm -hmm. There's a man in here.

Okay, we win the bet.

All right, Sandra, where's Max?

He's right over here on the floor.

My little Teddy Max bed.

Oh, I just love this bed so much.

Okay, Mary, let's go and check out the
plumbing.

Right, start in the bathroom.

Oh, mm, this mozzarella smells great.

getting to worry about you. You're
getting a little too familiar with that

animal.

Well, the plumbing's all right in the
bathroom.

Let's go check out the bedroom.

Okay.

Mozzarella.

Look, next time do us both a favor.

Order chicken.

No plumbing in the bedroom.

Sorry we bothered you, Sandra.

Coming.

Oh, hi.

Hello, my name is Adita Best, and I'm a
sunshine girl. We're raising money to

buy a summer camp.

Don't tell me you're selling something.

Cookies, only $2 a box.

I'm sorry, but I'm on a diet.

A woman with your figure on a diet?

How sweet.

I bet your father's a used car salesman,
too, isn't he?

Anyway, thank you.

I haven't made one sale yet.

And all the other girls will be going to
camp except me.

Okay, okay, what kind of cookies do you
have?

Chocolate chocolate chip, chocolate
covered peanut butter, chocolate mint,

double chocolate fudge.

Double chocolate fudge. You want those?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

Honey, you don't want to go to some
crummy old camp.

You are going to buy any.

Okay, okay, I'll buy some.

Here, now eat these on your way to camp.

Oh, no, I promise, Miss Clark, I'll
leave them here.

Mary, stop looking at those cookies. Be
strong.

Mary, eat me.

I'm losing my mind.

I've got to have those cookies.

So glad you're home. You may not be when
you hear my news. I invited somebody

for dinner. His name is Howard Ludlow.

Oh, a business associate?

No, he's an architect, but he knows
everybody in D .C., and he can throw a

of work my way.

Well, good.

I'll just fix one of those nice, low
-calorie, dietetic dinners that we can

eat. Oh, no, you don't, Mary Jenkins.
I've been raving about your cooking, and

this guy's been looking forward to a big
spread.

Lester, you know if I cook all that
food, I won't be able to resist it.

Mary, I understand that, but this is
important to me.

I'll see what I can do.

I

don't

believe it. You let two live ones get
away.

Oh, you're right, girl. I'm faking it.

Oh, this bitch.

Well,

Sandra, this is indeed a pleasant
surprise.

It's not every day that I encounter a
woman so lovely as you during the course

of my appointed rounds.

You know, Ray, you don't look so bad
yourself today.

Well, you can't blame a man for trying.

What you say?

There's only one thing I like more than
a man in uniform.

Oh, Lord, here it comes. What?

A freckle -faced man.

Dare I dream?

Precious, I believe you were saying
something about my freckles.

Freckles? I thought those were liver
spots.

You know, Ray, you make sure that you
put the male in the room.

Next time, okay? Hey, man.

Hey,

girl. Hi. I just want to make sure what
apartment he was going to.

Oh, thanks. He's okay.

You're telling me.

Howard, I'd like you to meet my lovely
wife, Mary. Hello.

Hi, Barry.

Why was that lady checking on me?

Oh, brother, I'm sorry. It's because of
that bet I told you about.

You mean she's the one that's giving up
men?

You're going to be skin and bones before
this is over.

That was not Sandra. That was Pearl. And
Lester had no business telling you.

Look, Mary, I had to tell him why you
were going to be eating seaweed while we

had real food.

I'll have a seat. Thanks.

Speaking of food,

what's on the menu?

Well, we're going to start with a nice
bowl of clam chowder. And then we're

going to have a zesty Caesar salad.

And then I've prepared a nice, moist,
juicy, succulent prime rib.

And then we're having candied yams.

Dripping with butter and cinnamon.

Why don't you give this up?

And let Sondra win the bet? Please.
She's impossible enough to live with.

Why don't you invite Sondra down here?

I'll kiss her, and the bet will be over.

It's not going to be that easy.

She's right, Howard. Sondra's doing
everything to keep from thinking about

Bowling with nuns, knitting classes.

CPR at the YWCA?

And that's just so she can kiss the
dummy.

I don't mean to brag, but I've never
been turned down by a woman.

Well, I don't doubt it, Holland. I was
quite a ladies' man myself, but even I

got turned down once.

When? When was I turned down?

When were you a ladies' man?

Uh, it's just a figure of speech, babe.

I'll tell you what.

If I can't get Sondra to kiss me before
the night's over, then, uh, remember

that hotel I built in Jamaica?

Yeah. You and Mary can have two weeks
free of charge.

Hey, if you kiss her, I win the bet.

But then we don't go to Jamaica.

Yeah.

My ego or Jamaica.

So, what's it gonna be?

Day O.

There's still a piece of juicy,
succulent prime rib on your plate.

I don't know, babe. Everything was
delicious, but I'm full.

Eat it!

I'm sorry.

It's this diet I'm on.

You live longer, but you hate everybody.

I'm going in the kitchen to get dessert.

Be prepared to call the paramedics.

Now, don't worry, Lester. I'll put a
stop to all this.

So, when is the victim arriving?

Oh, it sounds like she'll be here
shortly. But you don't have to go

this. I don't want to take advantage of
you.

Lester, Lester, you're not going to win
this bet.

Oh, come on, Howard.

What's that?

Oh, it's a little something I picked up
in Sweden.

They don't allow it in the United
States.

Smells pretty strong. It is.

They use it in zoos to help mate
elephants.

Honey, are we going on another
honeymoon?

Can you get a hold of yourself?

It's just some super cologne hard put
on. We can forget Jamaica.

Why, you think we're going to lose the
bet?

If the wind is right, I could lose you.

Should I ask?

I know you, Mary Jenkins.

I know this is some kind of trick.
That's why I'm wearing this blindfold.

That's right, son. You can't trust Mary.

I know that smell anyway.

What smell?

It's two elephants mating.

You can't fool me, Mary. I'm going right
back upstairs.

Good evening.

My name's Howard.

That don't sound like no elephant.

If you're going to go upstairs, I might
as well get in my red Ferrari and drive

to the airport and take my private jet
to my villa in the south of France. Oh,

sure.

Hi.

Oh, Mary, go and bake yourself a cake in
the kitchen because you're getting

ready to eat.

You can't give up that fast. You've come
too far.

What is it? Do you want me to stay away
from this guy?

You got something going on with him
yourself, girl?

Why don't we sit down and get better
acquainted?

So, uh, when are you heading back to the
monastery?

No, no, no, no. Pay no attention to her.

And may I say, it's been a long time
since I've met anyone as lovely as you.

I know.

Man, I can't stand it no longer.

It's getting dangerous. I almost ate my
goldfish.

What a man.

We got her this time.

You know, I picture us in Hawaii.

Underneath the swaying palm trees while
the romantic moon glistens off the

water. I hear it rains in Hawaii. It
gets real muddy this time of year.

Which side are you on?

We will tiptoe to the surf wearing
nothing but... Oh,

I thought I saw something in my eye.

Do you mind?

What are you doing? We could have won
the bet.

Keep an eye on them.

I made a bet with Howard. If he doesn't
kiss Sandra before he leaves, we go to

Jamaica. What?

After I've been torturing myself all
week, suffering?

This is a free trip to Jamaica, Rose.

Well, I'm not going for it, Mary. Or
should I say Benedict Arnold?

I want to win this bet.

Excuse me.

I don't believe we've met. My name is
Rose Holloway. Howard Ludlow. Oh, I can

see that you and Sondra are hitting it
off so well. And you know, love is

a many.

down here, but I'm confused. I'm weak.
I'm faint. And I'm frustrated. I'm going

upstairs.

Good. And while you're up there, take
yourself a nice cold shower. I won't be

enough. I'm going to sit right in the
refrigerator.

I feel a little faint myself.

Howard!

Oh, stand back, Mary. I've been taking
those CPR lessons.

Oh, I know just what to do. Let me see
now.

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