Original subtitles

They have no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

Know that you're loved. You don't need to roam. Cause there's no place like

home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with no flame or way.

Pulling together, we'll make it right.

With him, bro, my friends, I know we are.

No place like home With your family around you You're never alone When

you know that you love You don't need to roam Cause there ain't no place like

There ain't no place like There ain't no place

like There's no place like home I mean no place child

Mary

Have you and Lester decided what you're going to do on your anniversary?

Oh, yes.

Lester has decided to surprise me with a romantic dinner for two at home.

Well, Mary, if you know about it, what's the surprise?

He doesn't know I know Rose.

I will never forget what I did with my first husband on our 21st anniversary.

What? I divorced a sucker.

It's Sandra!

I wish I could divorce my neighbor.

Hi,

everybody. Hi.

Mammy, I need your help. Look, they want me for jury duty, and I need an excuse

to get out of it. Why do you want to get out of it? Because what jury duty will

do to my social calendar is criminal.

You know, Sandra, most people called for jury duty are never used.

My friend Francine just sat around playing games with a bunch of guys.

I don't have to leave home for that one.

Okay, Sondra, if you really want to get out of it, tell the defense attorney

that you think the accused is guilty.

Tell the prosecuting attorney that you think the accused is innocent.

But most importantly, tell them both you have to get back to the mother

spaceship.

Sandra, you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Don't you know what a

is to serve on a jury?

Tell it, girl.

I mean, we live in a country where a man is at least supposed to be innocent

until proven guilty.

Work it, Mary. You ain't working it.

You ought to get down on your knees and give thanks that you have the

opportunity to at least see that a man gets a fair try. All right!

Oh, Mary, you're right. I hadn't even stopped to consider the greatness of

opportunity I've been given. I mean, I might...

meet a cute attorney.

Ray, what are you doing here?

Mary, I know this is going to be hard to believe, but I delivered this letter to

the wrong address.

Okay. What's the part that's hard to believe?

Anyway, I wanted to bring it up to you in person.

You don't have to tip me. Lunch will be enough.

Ray, you were born out to lunch.

Okay, I'll bring it back around dinner time.

Good. That'll give me time to buy a pit bull.

I don't care what you serve. You cook it, I'll eat it.

Ray, who's that out in the hall?

Who? You.

I don't believe it.

and for jury duty.

This is for you, Mary, to get down on your knees and get thanked.

Where have you been? You're late.

Oh, I'm sorry. The traffic was just terrible.

Funny.

There wasn't too much traffic for the ten of us.

You know, honey, you really should try eating some bran in the morning.

I don't know how I got selected for this jury. I did everything Rose told me,

and still both attorneys picked me.

And did she tell you to wear that tight -fitting low -cut dress?

Oh, yeah. Oh, you're right.

Oh, Mary, you don't know how lucky you are.

Stunning looks are a curse.

How would you like for me to remove that curse?

Well, we sure hit the jackpot with this case.

I think it's great that this is a murder trial.

Do we get paid more for this?

No, it's still $5 a day.

We get paid for this?

Wow, what a country.

Money isn't the issue.

A man's life is at stake here. Oh, what's one less man in this world?

these people ladies and gentlemen of the jury the trial of the district of

columbia versus victor douglas is about to begin so if you will proceed into the

courtroom please thank you oh mary don't bother to

save a seat for me okay i'm gonna sit with him well mary what's it like being

stuck on a jury eight hours a day for two weeks with son I think it's

as cruel and unusual punishment.

Mary, do you think that slime bucket killed his wife?

I don't know how many ways to say this.

We are not allowed to discuss the case.

Oh, Mom, you can tell us. We're family.

No, you're not. I've never seen you before in my life.

I'll get the dessert.

The man is innocent, I'm telling you. Oh, Lester, how can you say that? You

the papers.

Victor Douglas' wife went with him on that cruise to tell him that the

was over.

There they were, in the stateroom, having a nice dinner.

Boom, he murdered her. That would have never happened on Longboat.

Victor must have killed her, because nobody in the hall saw her leave the

stateroom, so he had to do it when they were together in there.

The man had an alibi.

alibi, unless there were witnesses.

No, Pearl, I think it was one of those strange dudes that likes to go to the

bathroom alone.

convict or not.

You will find out tomorrow after we deliberate.

Well, I just hope there's a quick verdict. Remember, we're celebrating our

anniversary tomorrow.

Oh, honey, now how could I forget that?

Where are we going? Oh, never mind. We're just gonna lie and have a little

candlelight, a little dinner, a little wine.

A little romance.

A little sickness.

Is she in your will? Who? You see somebody? I'm sitting right here.

People, people, quiet, please, quiet.

Could everyone take their seats?

Thank you.

Now, let's get down to business.

First, I would like to compliment you on your wisdom in electing me foreperson.

Nobody else wanted that job.

That, as it may, when the framers of our Constitution gathered in...

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.

Oh, could we speed this up, please?

I mean, we have families at home waiting for us. I live alone.

No.

Could we take a preliminary vote just to see where we all stand?

Who got elected, you or me?

Can we take a preliminary vote just to see where we all stand?

Write your verdict on a piece of paper and pass it down to me.

Uh, what are our choices?

I think that would be guilty or not guilty.

Geez, how do you remember all that?

At five dollars a day, you get what you pay for, huh?

All right.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty. Guilty.

Guilty. Guilty. Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty. Looks like we're going to have an early lunch.

Guilty. Guilty and not guilty.

Not guilty.

Well, now, wait a minute. Whoever it is has a right to vote the way he or she

feels. Okay, who's the bird brain?

Someone who dots their eyes with a happy face.

It's much fable.

Miss Clark, for the hundredth time, why do you think the guy's not guilty?

Well, I have a reasonable doubt, and that's all I need to vote not guilty.

that's what Maurice told me.

Oh, Maurice?

Your hairdresser?

Well, he knows Lord now, Mary. He used to do what's -his -name's hair, what's

-his -name, on that line.

Oh, well, hey, that's good enough for me.

You mean to say that we are all stuck here because of some hairdresser?

Yes, and he's very, very good. And I would give you his name, but, you know,

think it's a little too late.

Why don't we take a ten -minute break and clear our heads?

Harriet, some of us have nothing to clear.

Everybody mad at me.

And so am I.

You're keeping all of us from going home early. And you know my anniversary's

tonight. Yeah, but look, Mary. They never did find Victor's wife's body.

he threw her overboard.

Have you seen the size of those ship's portholes?

You can barely stick your head through to throw up.

I know, I try.

For your information, their stateroom had its own private poop deck.

I mean, all Victor had to do was open the French doors, and the child was tuna

salad.

Well, I don't care.

They still never did find her body.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty.

Guilty. And not guilty.

I give up. I'm going to kill that woman. No, with me, with me, with me.

No, I voted guilty. See, see?

She has no happy face on that ballot.

Then who was it? Who changed their mind?

I don't think it was me.

Okay, I admit it. It was me.

I changed my vote.

What is this? You two in some kind of conspiracy to drive us nuts or what?

Look, I had a reasonable doubt, okay?

I mean, it's beginning to bother me that nobody ever found the body.

That's because Victor threw it over the poop deck, Mary.

Weren't you listening to what you said?

The judge would like to know if you've reached a verdict yet.

No, it's still 11 to 1.

All right.

Who's the troublemaker?

None of your business.

It was you, wasn't it?

You better call the judge. We'll have to continue tomorrow.

Don't leave. Not until I come back with the judge's instructions.

All right, everyone.

I just spoke to the judge, and he is not a happy camper.

What time should we come back in the morning?

Eight o 'clock. The bus will pick you up in front of the hotel at 7 .45.

What bus? What hotel?

Are we on a tour?

The judge isn't ready to accept a hung jury, and since the media is playing

case up, his honor has decided to sequester all of you in a hotel for the

evening. Oh, no, look.

My husband and I are celebrating our anniversary tonight.

Well, he'll just have to start without you, won't he?

Shall we go?

Well, Mary, here's another fine mess you've gotten us into.

Dad, do I have to spend the night at Aunt Charlotte's? Uh, let me put it this

way. Yeah.

Dad, Aunt Charlotte is so boring.

have to listen to the same old army stories and if i've seen her tattoo once

i've seen it a hundred times brandon tonight belongs to your mother and me

you weren't here when we got married you're certainly not going to be here

we celebrate our anniversary now tell me how does everything look hey funky

fresh out the pack thank you very much i think dad if

that's on charlotte will you tell her not to wake me up in the morning with

bugle

Hello. Hi, honey.

Hey, how you doing, babe? Where are you?

I'm still here.

Well, hurry up home. I got a great surprise for you.

I got a great surprise for you, too.

I'm not coming.

What? But, man, we've never been apart on our anniversary before.

You think I want to be down here at the Manchester Hotel with Sandra rather than

with you?

Well, I guess not.

Has a man come in by to pick up my clothes?

Mm -hmm.

I love you, honey.

I love you, too.

Bye.

Your mother can't make it. She's been sequestered. Oh, poor dad.

Feels so bad for you.

But I guess this means I don't have to go to Aunt Charlotte's. Oh, no, you are

going. If I'm not going to have a good time, neither are you. But, Dad!

look like I'm doing.

Mary, I've been thinking.

Uh -oh.

We never get a chance to sit down and talk.

And there's a reason for that.

Well, here's a good opportunity for us to sit down and have a nice, long,

intelligent conversation for once.

Okay.

You start.

In your whole life.

How many football players have you gone out with?

So much for conversation.

Come on, Mary. We got to do something in here.

No TV, no newspaper, no radio.

No men.

The only man I want to see is Lester.

Only one? I got a long list.

You've got the whole telephone book.

I'm going to bed.

This early?

I haven't been to bed this early since... Oh, never mind.

Mary, this is my side of the bed.

This is the right side of the bed.

I always sleep on the right side of the bed.

I always sleep on the right side of the bed, too.

Now, why is it I can't picture you sleeping?

I get it.

I haven't even said my prayers yet.

What are you doing here?

I volunteered for duty tonight, so if you need me, I'll be in the hallway

oysters.

Excuse me.

I'm the house mother.

And I'm sorry, but little Sandra can't come out to play.

Oh, well, uh... I'll just stop by later to check on you when the den mother's

gone asleep.

Oh, Mary, I just love oysters.

Well, if I can't be with the one I love, I'm going to sleep.

Mary, you got a quarter?

For what?

We can make the bed vibrate.

I got a better idea.

Why don't we tie these sheets together and I lower your butt out the window?

Mary, we on the 10th floor.

Oh, let's give it a try.

Oh, Mary, that's probably the bailiff again. Let's turn off all the lights

I'm going to punch his lights out.

Ooh, caviar. Where did that come from?

Fish. Ooh.

And that's champagne.

Grapes.

This is a mistake. I'm afraid I'll have to go back. Oh, no, no, no, Mary. Now,

you never send champagne back unless it's flat.

Oh, thank you very much. And on your next trip, I'd like you to bring me a

please. A la carte.

There's a man under there.

That's some fast room service.

Happy anniversary, babe.

safe for you to be here.

Well, just a quick toast and room service can wheel me right back out of

Lester, if you're caught, it's jewelry tampering. Hey, there's only one juror I

want to tamper with. Come in here.

Now you're in front of Sandra.

Oh, that's okay, Mary.

Just act like I'm not even here.

I've tried that for years.

Well, I'm just going to pour out a little champagne and make a little

To my wonderful wife of 21 years, who I always love.

Oh, honey.

And to my wonderful husband, who's made me the happiest walnut in the

world.

Sandra, would you stop it?

Sandra, it's me, Andrew.

Mary, it's the bailiff. Quick, hide in the back.

Hi, I thought I heard... Ah, champagne.

Caviar. How romantic.

Now, obviously, you knew I was going to stop by.

Oh, Andrew, it's nice of you to stop by, but I'll see you in court tomorrow.

Okay, bye. Wait, wait, wait, wait. As long as I'm here, why don't I just pour

some champagne for you two ladies?

Uh, no, no, no, no, no. That's okay. Oh!

Oh! I am so sorry. Say what you did!

Uh, why don't I just clean up this mess and get it out of here? No, no, no. No,

no, no. I insist this was all my fault. I'll take care of it.

Okay, honey, you can come out. He's gone.

Yeah, but he took the getaway car.

Now what am I going to do?

Honey, are you finished?

In more ways than one.

Like a guest on the Geraldo show.

But listen, did you have to wear the one dress I brought that wasn't original?

Now, come on, Sandra. You wouldn't want him to get on the elevator and run into

a woman with the same dress on.

I'm gonna get you for this, ma 'am. I'm gonna get your butt for this.

Here, honey.

Put on your hat and veil.

And one word of caution to you, Lester, now. No, seriously.

There are sailors in the neighborhood.

Just get me out of here.

Okay, I don't see the bed.

Now, honey, when you get out there, go as fast as you can.

The stairs are at the end of the hallway.

Are you sure the hotel allows drag racing?

Oh, honey.

Happy anniversary.

Happy anniversary.

It's like one of those movies from Denmark.

You can't go in there, miss.

Oh, I'm sorry. And this missus, I'm looking for the honeymoon suite.

Barry, no offense, but Lester sure makes an ugly woman.

Yeah, but he sure makes a great -looking man.

Could you imagine Pearl's reaction when she sees Lester wiggling up those...

That explains it.

Well, that explains what happened to Victor Douglas' wife.

You're trying to make us believe that Victor's wife walked out of the

dressed as a man?

Well, it's possible.

I mean, while Victor was in that bathroom, she could have put on his

ducked out of there.

I'm confused.

No kidding.

Isn't that a little far -fetched? Maybe, but it's possible. Right, Sandra?

I can see how that could happen. Yeah.

Funny you should say that. Last night I peeked out my door and I saw this woman

running down the hall and I could have sworn she had a mustache.

So, it's possible, right?

Right. And that's a reasonable doubt.

Mary Jenkins' argument convinced her fellow jurors, and Victor Douglas was

not guilty.

Six weeks later, Victor's wife was found in the French Riviera with his best

friend. Sondra Clark is dating the bailiff, who is now broke but has a

smile on his face.

Larry the juror is seriously considering running for vice president of the

United States.

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