Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

If your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you're loved, you don't need to roam. Cause there's no

like home.

Most times are changing every day.

We won't get by with those same old ways. No, no. Pulled together, we'll

round. With a number of my friends I know we can try Cause there's no place

home With your family around you You're never alone When you know that you love

You don't need to roam Cause there ain't

No playtime.

10, 10, 10, 11, 11.

Morning, babe. My watch stopped. What time is it?

8, 9, 9.

See, honey, you're making me mess up. 11, 11.

Oh, I'm sorry. You were up early this morning, huh? Yeah. I had to make a

order for Brenda's school cafeteria.

Hope I didn't wake you.

No, the pillar did when I turned over to give you a kiss and got a mouthful of

duck feathers.

I'm sorry.

Better? A little bit.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

Mom, are my cookies ready?

Right. Got them right here. Four dozen, I think.

This ought to make about $22 in profit.

Yep, and it's going straight into Mary Jenkins' rainy day fund.

And every time it rains, your mama's going to run out and buy herself a new

outfit.

With any luck, we'll have a monsoon.

Mary, I need your opinion on what I'm wearing.

The collar's off.

for you.

I was right.

Spencer, what do you think?

I think I'm late. Bye.

Man, I'm about to become a household maid. Please, not in front of Brenda.

I got an appointment for the biggest commercial agent in Washington.

Wow, that's great. Congratulations.

Thank you.

Once he gets a glimpse of my special talent, it'll just be a matter of time

before I'm a huge commercial success.

Wow.

I can see it now.

The next Mars the Cat.

Wow.

Man, you think I could be that big?

You laugh all you want. I'll be selling you something on TV. You watch.

Well, I hope it's aspirin because you sure are giving me a headache.

Brenda, how about helping me clean up?

Did you hear that?

What? The school bell is ringing.

I gotta go.

The school is eight blocks away.

Thanks for the directions.

I'm looking for Miss Mary Jenkins.

Oh, that's me. What can I do for you?

Well, here's a little gift for you.

My name is Ed Fulton. I own a little bakery shop over on 4th Street called

Casa de Pastry.

Oh, that's right next door to Jake's Casa de Linoleum. That's right, that's

right. Miss Jenkins.

Excuse me.

Miss Jenkins, I want to talk turkey with you about your cookies.

Oh, have a seat.

So, you want to buy some?

No, no, I bake my own cookies.

It's just that since you started selling yours, my sales have not only

plummeted, they've fallen off.

Oh, that's too bad.

Of course, I do make a good cookie.

Yeah, that's just the problem.

This town's not big enough for two cookies.

Oh, I get it.

You're here to try to stop me from baking my cookies.

And if I don't, which I won't, then you're going to sue, huh? Well, you just

right ahead.

That doesn't scare me. Miss Jenkins.

Because this is America.

Mary Jenkins is the name.

Free enterprise is the game, and the answer is no.

But, boy, when did I ask the question?

You mean you're not here to stop me from baking my cookies? Not at all. I merely

stopped by to suggest that we conglomerate our resources to improve

capitalization.

Speak English.

Let's make a deal.

You mean be partners?

That's right. That's right. 50 -50.

I bake the cookies at my bakery, and you provide the recipe.

Uh -uh, uh -uh. That's a family secret.

There are no secrets in the bakery biz.

Mm -hmm. Nutmeg, vanilla extract, no nuts there, flour, sugar

water, and a faint bouquet of something... Yeah, it is a secret.

So, I guess we can't do the bakery biz.

I'll tell you what, I'll tell you what. Same deal as before, but you bake the

cookies here at home, I sell them down at the bakery, and I throw in a free

of pumpernickel.

I don't know. I'll tell you what.

Just to show up to see you, I'm going to call my establishment right now and get

rid of the individual who's been making my inferior cookies that I've been

selling to the world.

Hello, Mom.

Don't come in tomorrow.

No, it's not a holiday.

You're fired.

Well, that's done.

Your own mother?

Well, it's no big deal. I wasn't paying her anyway.

Well, what do you say, Ms. Mary?

I have to think about it, Mr. Ed.

Oh, I understand.

You're a married woman, so I guess you have to get your husband's permission.

I sure hope you know more about the bakery business than you do modern

This woman makes her own decisions.

I don't have to ask anybody anything, because I have come a long way, baby.

My, my, my. You sure put me in my place. Then I suppose, uh, we got a deal.

That's right, partner.

Oh, yes.

Well, look, you bring the cookies to the bakery tomorrow, and when you do, wear

white, because it blinds the mice.

Hello, honey?

Can I get in the bakery business?

Please, baby, please, baby, please.

to be a sweatshop. The oven is set at 375 degrees.

But nobody should have to work under these conditions. I mean, I mean, I want

raise. I'm sorry, but you have to see the boss. Why, you the boss?

No raise.

Okay.

I want a vacation.

You get one in July.

You know, you have to know how to act. Shut up, girl.

Good. Quitting time.

Girl, that's the oven. Another batch is ready.

Made the defect on the line.

Let me see.

Looks like little pieces of paper.

Inspected by employee 003.

Hey, look for the union label.

Guys, come on. We got to hurry up. Ed will be here in a few minutes and he's

expecting another thousand.

Oh, wow.

is my breakfast done.

Here,

honey. Have some cookies on the house.

They are the house. How much time is this going to go on?

Oh, honey, you know how it is in business.

It takes T and E.

Time and effort. And cheap labor.

And business also produces money of which we have not seen any.

Well, honey, it's hard to sell cookies with his mama picking in the bakery.

Oh, all right. I'll get a slice of pizza on my way to work. A slice of pizza?

Oh, honey, you got to take better care of yourself than that.

Fine. I'll get a donut, too.

Mary,

you keep going like this and you're going to lose, Lester.

Oh, Lester is not going to leave me over this. No, he's going to die of

starvation.

Hi, Mary.

Lester, let me in.

He must really be mad at me.

see me running in.

Sandra, I'm sorry, but we don't have time to talk.

Man, I'm on my way to stardom. I just got a job doing a commercial.

I'm the new tuna lady.

I thought that was a new perfume you were wearing.

Does that mean we're going to see you on TV now?

Well, you may not recognize me. They're just using my hair.

What are you going to do to the tuna? Massage it?

No. supposed to open this can. Here, I'll show you.

Sandra, we have seen tuna cans open before. Now, come on, we got a quota,

this is our last batch.

Come on now, Mary, it'll just take a moment.

As the can turns, my graceful hands just in lovingly at the product, like this,

see? I can remove the can from the opener, like this, see?

And then I empty it into a bowl.

got a treat for you.

Uh -oh, that means Brenda cooked again.

What is it this time?

We made it in home economics class.

Quiche el Greco.

Very interesting. What is in it?

I don't know. Some lumpy brown stuff that comes in a boil bag.

Did you throw the bag away?

Very funny, Daddy.

I'll get it.

Good evening, everybody.

Oh, hi, Ed. Hope we're not interrupting dinner.

Ah, dinner. I remember that.

Hey, that looks like quiche al greco.

That's my favorite.

If you have any of that lumpy brown stuff left, don't throw it away. Plants

it.

Ed, I got 12 dozen for you. Hey, have I got something for you.

Feast your eyes on this.

Our first pity.

400 macaroons apiece.

Wow, I don't believe it.

Yeah, I gotta hand it to you, baby. I didn't think you would do so well.

Well, you know what they say. Behind every successful woman, there's a man

surprised.

Isn't this wonderful?

Oh, yeah, it's great. But don't forget, you got expenses.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Let's see.

Rose, Pearl.

Your delivery girl.

Yeah, you did a great job.

Well, still got all this left. And there's your overhead.

Electricity, ingredients, gas.

There.

That only leaves me $50.

Welcome to the world of big business.

I made more than this when I was by myself.

Well, why are you so unhappy?

This is a great start.

No, it's not.

For two weeks, I've been putting in all this time and effort, neglecting my

family, and all I got to show for it is $50?

You make it sound like so little.

It is.

I'm sorry, Ed, but I'm afraid this partnership is not working for me.

Don't be so selfish. It's working for me.

Well, I'm sorry, but it's been nice, but no dice.

What am I supposed to do?

Put your mama back to work.

That's cold, Mary.

That's cold.

Hi, Mary.

Oh, hi, Ed. Come on in.

This is my former business partner, Ed Fulton. These are my friends, Rose

Holloway and Pearl Shea. Hello.

Charmed, I'm sure.

Mary, you're not going to believe your ears.

What? It's your lucky day. I must like you, Mary.

I really must like you because your ship has just come in. I was riding around

in my car and something snatched the wheel and drove me by the front of your

door and said, go in and offer Mary $3 ,000 for her recipe.

We'll take it.

We?

That's very generous of you, Ed, but it's a family recipe and I want to keep

that way.

Look, Mary, $4 ,000 and that's my final offer.

Mary, it's only a cookie.

I can't do it, Rose.

$5 ,000 or I'm out that door.

Sorry. I'm back again. $6 ,000.

Are you out of your mind?

$7 ,000. Would you be interested in a sponge cake?

Mary, I must like you.

Don't tell my mother, but I'm prepared to write you out a check for $10 ,000.

Look, Ed, my grandmother gave this recipe to my mother. My mother gave it

and one day I'm going to give it to my daughter, who will probably use it for a

bookmark, but in this family, it stays.

Okay, Mary, you blew the big one. You'll regret this.

You'll be sorry, Mary.

It's your chance to go shopping.

Mary, $10 ,000!

No, Rose!

Mary, I'm back again. Look, I got a cab downstairs. I don't have time to beat

around the bush.

Here's a check for $15 ,000 for your recipe.

$15 ,000?

Uh, child, ignore the bloodstains.

My grandmother got ketchup and chocolate before there was chips. Uh -huh.

Okay, just signed this agreement, giving me exclusive rights to your recipe.

Mary, you are certainly shrewd.

You knew you had me outsmarted all the time, didn't you?

You've got to be a high school graduate.

Okay, thank you very much, ladies. Have a nice day.

Bet you're going to have a great time shopping. Get some new cards.

You see, miss?

Oh, now, now, honey, listen to this.

Mary just sold her cookie recipe for $15 ,000.

To Mr.

Ed Fulton, I am a genius, am I not?

Not exactly.

Let me read from the financial section.

The Crispy Crunchy Cookie Company is negotiating to buy a chocolate chip

from a local baker, Ed Fulton, for $100 ,000.

Is there an echo in here? Why didn't you call me?

At least I wasn't stupid enough to sell him my sponge cake.

I just heard the sad news.

Yeah, that old Ed Fulton sold my recipe for $100 ,000.

And all you got was 15?

Gee, you must feel awfully dumb.

And you signed the way to buy, I said, everything.

Oh, what a bonehead move.

I guess you're not as smart as I thought you were, or as smart as you thought

you were, or as smart as anybody thought that you were.

Down, Hatchet.

Oh, no, no, no, come on. Consider it a lesson in humility.

I mean, look on the bright side.

What bright side?

Things are going great for me.

Up, Hatchet, up.

I'm married. Now, these things, they happen in cycles, you know? Sometimes

can't get them out, and then other times, you'll do them.

What I'd like to do is wipe my feet on that Ed Fulton.

He's so low, he'd steal the cookies right out of an orphan's mouth.

I got an idea.

You gonna adopt him?

No. I'm gonna get my recipe back and make that worm squirm.

You'll never know how much pain you can inflict on others when you put your mind

to it.

Yeah.

I'm going to need your help right now. Oh, no, come on, Mary, I can't. I'm

having lunch with this gorgeous stuntman I met on my commercial.

There's no way I'm going to risk missing a date with him.

There's $1 ,000 in it for you.

When do we start?

Well, let's get down to business.

$100 ,000. How shall I make out the check?

Fast.

Ed, Ed, I got to talk to you.

Excuse me, I've been running an ad for a woman to jump out of a cake.

Oh, look, there's a bikini in the other room. I'll talk to you later.

Look, Ed, this can't wait.

Excuse me, madam, but if you don't mind, I'm trying to buy a recipe here.

Oh, I bet you're from Crispy Crunchy. Yes.

I'm Mary Jenkins. I'm the one that's selling the recipe.

Oh, I'm George McAllister. What's the problem?

Well, you see, I found out that the recipe doesn't belong to me.

So it wasn't mine to sell.

And if it wasn't mine to sell, then it wasn't his to sell.

Don't pay any attention to her, George. She's been sniffing too much nutmeg.

Okay, okay, you don't want to believe me? Then I'll just let the rightful

tell you herself.

Oh, sister!

Sister Sandra Ignatius, this is Mr.

George McAllister of Crispy Crunchy and Mr. Ed Fulton.

The sinners who are trying to rip you off.

I forgive you, my son.

No, you don't.

You can't order around a nun even if your name is Mary.

What are you trying to tell us? That this nun made up the recipe?

Right. You've heard of the flying nun and the singing nun.

This is the baking nun.

You should taste my hot cross buns.

Don't pay any attention to her, George. She just meant it because I'm Miss

Bingo. That cookie recipe's been in our order since the year MCXXIII.

We're talking old Mr. McAllister.

This is a holy cookie. I mean holy.

You see, the nuns used to profit from the sale of these cookies to support

orphanage. Don't forget about our leper colony.

Ed. Ed.

Why don't you help yourself and Mr. Crispy Crunchy here get into salvation

giving me back my agreement?

Either that or the Lord has instructed Sister Sandra to sue your butt.

Hi, my name is Marty Wilcox. Some lady in a window so that I could find... Oh,

there you are, beautiful.

What are you doing in that outfit?

Well, they're letting women in now.

That's my date.

This is Sister Sandra Ignatius. She's supposed to wear this outfit.

Well, that's not what she had on last night.

Well, you must be mistaken, my son.

What's going on here?

Yeah, what is going on?

I'll tell you what's going on. Mary, what's going on?

What's going on?

Okay.

I confess, Monty and I have been seeing each other.

What? You've been seeing Mary? What's the...

Sister!

Oh, Mary Jacobs, I'm shocked. My child.

Me too.

But, Mary, you're married.

Yes, I know. And the guilt has been a terrible burden.

Wait a minute. I'm the one with the burden. I thought I had a date with you.

Now, that's a sacrilege.

Monty, Monty, Monty.

I know what you're trying to do. He's trying to protect my good name. But

you see, Monty, by protecting my good name, you'll be smirching Sister

You, sir, are filth, Monty, and you people are weird.

I'm out of here.

Well, now that we've concluded that sordid little interlude, let's get back

business. Now, George, are we going to make a deal or not?

Think carefully.

What would happen to the sales of Crispy Crunchy when they find out that you've

been stealing from nuns and orphans and lepers?

I'm sorry, Ed. She's right. We can't fool around with religion.

The makers of Crispy Crunchy have an image to protect.

George, you can't let a cookie like this get away.

I don't intend to.

Sister, how would your convent like $100 ,000?

You can make it out to S -A -N -D. My sister Sandra.

I'm shocked.

What happened to your poverty vow?

That was for $85 ,000 and under.

It ought to be difficult to say your rosary with broken knuckles.

I'm sorry, but we can't sell.

But for $100, I'll hear your confession.

The church has really changed.

Since I was an altar boy.

Ed, your $15 ,000.

And here's your agreement.

Thank you.

Shame on you, my son.

I'm sorry, sister.

I don't know what came over me.

I guess the devil made me do it.

I got the recipe back, and we are cookie rich.

That's nice, babe.

Nice? What do you mean nice? That's fantastic.

Now we can call all the cookie companies and maybe get $100 ,000 or more.

Hey, let the bidding begin.

Hey, Mom, don't count your cookies before they patch.

What's the matter with you two?

Uh, babe, your mother calling. It seems to...

Recipe really belonged to your grandmother's neighbor, Mrs.

Della Amos.

So? We'll just cut her in for a little percentage.

Della Amos is dead.

But she had a nephew. You may know him by his first name, Famous.

Famous Amos?

And we don't get anything?

Well, we got each other, and that's worth more than $100 ,000 anyway, right?

I said right.

Right?

Right. Right.

Well...

It was nice being rich for a while.

$1 ,000?

Don't open that door.

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