Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam. Cause there's no place

home.

Time's gonna change it every day.

We won't get by with no flame or wave.

Pulling together, we'll make it right. With help from our friends, I know we

can.

No place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam.

Cause there ain't no place like. There ain't no place like. There

ain't no place like.

There's no place like home.

I mean, no place, child.

I can't believe Sandra Clark on a love connection.

Holly, Sandra Clark is the love connection.

It's coming on.

Welcome to Love Connection, where old -fashioned romance...

Welcome to the show.

Nice to have you. Thank you.

Let's get started by meeting our first guest. She claims that men are only

interested in her for her looks, her charm, her intellect, and her modesty.

describes herself as shy and introverted. Please welcome Sondra

A little shy today, aren't you?

You know, I do impersonation checking. You do? You dirty rat, you killed my

brother. Bill Sondra, we want to hear about your date.

Oh, yeah.

Well, now, tell me what you look for in a date.

A man.

What else?

Hey, that usually does it for me.

Just a man, and that's okay, huh? Yeah. All right, we're going to show you the

men that Sondra had to choose from. Now, don't forget, you're going to pick the

man that you think is best for her.

And here we go.

First, there's James. Now, he considers himself an excellent catch, but he's

still on the run. He loves to party, travel, he can dance the night away, he

says. I'm not a true woman, and women love me.

I'm not trying to brag or anything, but when I take out a girl, it may take an

hour, it may take two hours, but sooner or later, they all say, home, James.

Austin's looking for a... a certain kind of girl. He's never been married, but

he's been engaged 21 times.

At least he didn't get up. He's persistent, isn't he? I'm the kind of

doesn't really care how much education a woman has as long as she hasn't learned

the word no.

And I'm a good catch.

Whoever gets me is going to get a faithful, loyal man with a lot of

gifts.

A lot of engagements, too. Here's Gary. He's the last one. He hasn't been out

with a woman since his recent divorce.

It isn't that he doesn't want to. It's just that he says he's forgotten how to

act on a date.

I'm pretty much of a homebody. You know, I like to stay home with a girl who

likes to cuddle up in front of a warm, cozy fireplace. You know, watch TV like

the Three Stooges, the Gong Show, and the Brady Bunch. Now, they're all good,

right? And when I'm not doing that, I just like spending time at the jewelry

store that I own.

Matter of fact, we have a sale going on.

Oh, we can't say sale on TV? Oh.

No, that's okay.

Can't mention the name of the jewelry store. But those are our three men that

Sondra had to choose from. It's time for you to vote now. Who do you think would

be the best man for her?

Okay. Audience votes all locked in. Sondra's going to tell us who she

Now, was it James, Austin, or Gary?

I picked out. What's his name? The jewelry store owner. Gary.

They haven't seen each other since today. We always hear both sides.

Let's say hello to Gary Hunt.

Hi, Gary.

Uh, hi, Chuck.

Hi, Mom.

Yeah, just got Mom covered here. Make yourself comfortable. We're getting

down to it. So, Sondra, tell me about the date. Well, we had arranged it so

Gary would pick me up. So after about six hours of preparation, everything was

ready until tragedy struck.

I broke a nail.

Mary, Mary, my love connection's gonna be here any minute. You have any glue?

What's the matter? You ready to get away?

It's for my nail.

Oh, hey, wait a minute.

I got the perfect thing for you.

Screwy glue.

Thank you, Manny.

Okay, let's get back to the game. I love playing poker.

Carl, we are playing gin.

Oh.

Gin.

Sandra, get that, would you?

you can spend the night at Sarah's.

Have a good time. Bye.

Ooh, Mary!

Look at her!

I can't get it off! What are we gonna do?

Do? Gonna put a booth around you and make some money, child.

The jewelry store owner? Well, I'll go keep him company. Oh, no, you don't. Oh,

Mary, you go.

You don't trust me, huh?

Oh, no.

Mary, please.

My door's already open. Oh, all right.

Get this phone off her hand, will you?

I know what to do. Oh, good.

Put your hand in a bowl of hot boiling water and let it stay there till the

phone melts off.

Okay, so, so, Gary, while... Mary's phone was reaching out and touching

so to speak, here. Now, what happened when you got to Sondra's apartment?

Well, Chuck, look, I knocked on the door, right? And this very attractive,

sophisticated woman answered.

Mary?

Hi,

I'm Gary Hunt, your date.

Oh, I'm Mary Jenkins. Your date Sondra's not here yet.

She changed her mind, didn't she?

Oh, no, no, no.

She didn't change her mind.

You just come right over here and sit down and relax.

She'll be here in just a minute.

She's, uh, stuck on the phone.

Yeah.

So, um, what can you tell me about Sandra?

Well, this is her apartment.

What are some of her good points?

She furnished it beautifully.

What about her personality? Would you say that she's sweet, you know, gentle,

innocent?

Nah, I wouldn't say that.

Oh, well, then she's the intelligent, sophisticated type, right?

I wouldn't say that either.

Well, what else is there?

Sandra.

Oh, sorry I'm late.

I had to pick up my sweater from the cleaners.

Gary Hunt, your date. Gary, this is Sandra.

Hi. How you doing? I've heard so much about you. Nice furniture.

Oh, I'm sorry, but I don't shake hands on the first date.

Oh, well, Cynthia was that way, too.

Who's Cynthia?

My ex -wife, the Terminator.

But let's not talk about her. It gives me hives.

So, where are you guys going on your first date? Well, I made reservations at

Shea J's, and we better be leaving.

Shay Jays? You mean that restaurant where there are people? We can't go

Why not?

You mean you haven't heard? Oh, Mary, tell us.

Oh, yes, yes.

You know, ever since they got those rave reviews from Gourmet Magazine, Jay has

been absolutely unbearable.

And Shay is even worse.

Your sweater's ringing.

That's what happens when you buy acrylic. Ignore it.

It's no use, Sandra. Answer the sweater.

Oh. This is even better than a car phone.

Hello? Oh, hi, Lester.

No, no, I'm up in my own apartment.

It's a long story.

Oh, sure, I'll tell her.

Uh, Mary, Lester said he's bringing somebody home for dinner and it's got

something to do with business.

Oh, no. Just like Lester to tell me at the last minute.

Oh.

Make sure she doesn't make any long -distance phone calls.

Really glued.

Oh, this is great. You know, I do stuff like that all the time.

Tell you what.

Let's have a nice, intimate dinner right here.

Let me whip you up my specialty.

I call it omelet a la Gary.

Do you have any eggs?

No, but I can borrow something there.

Cream? No.

But I can borrow something, Mary.

Tomatoes, cheese, onions?

Mary, Mary, Mary.

Let's go over to Mary's.

Wait until you taste this omelet. You're gonna love it. See, I got the recipe

from a monk in Tibet.

Oh, Mary, be careful with that nail polish remover.

Be glad I couldn't find the chainsaw.

Mary, do you have any goat cheese, any yak butter?

Do I look like a shepherd?

Thank you, Mary.

Now I can hold him nearer again.

Now, what you can do is get the stuff you need and get out of here. Lester

be here any minute with his business proposal. Okay.

Hi, baby.

Let me introduce you. This is the loan manager from the bank, Cynthia Hunt.

Cynthia, this is my wife, Mary.

Nice to meet you. Thanks for having me on such short notice.

Cynthia Hunt?

Why does that name sound familiar?

I mentioned it, remember?

I said that Cynthia was the woman who helped me with my loan application for

that new Mitchelson project.

No, no, no, I mean Hunt. Seems like I just met somebody else named Hunt.

Well, I hope it wasn't my ex -husband, Gary Hunt.

Gary Hunt. Oh, please don't mention his name. It makes my blood curdle, my skin

crawl, and my teeth itch.

I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear that.

Well, don't be. I have eliminated him from my life. I won't go anywhere we

and I don't talk to anybody who still talks to him because I cannot stand him.

Oh, we don't even know the man.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to bring up my personal life. I mean, we're here to

alone, which is looking very favorable.

Good. Unless you have my ex -husband in here somewhere.

I'll go get Jenna.

Just a minute, Sandra. I want to see if I got this right.

You and Gary are in Mary's kitchen.

Well, Gary's ex -wife, Cynthia, is in Mary's living room with her husband,

Lester.

That's right, Chuck.

Mm -hmm.

Sounds like an episode of Days of Our Lives here. Okay, so what happened next?

All right, all right, Mary, we're leaving.

Thanks, Mary. We've got everything we need.

Um, sit down for a minute. I want to tell you something.

Well, not now, Mary. My date is getting cold.

This is very important.

What?

Milk. Milk.

You took all my milk.

I need milk for Lester's cereal in the morning.

Oh, you got it.

Thank you. You know, this is very important that Lester has his milk in

morning. Because if he doesn't have his milk, his cereal doesn't snap, crackle,

and pop, you know. He just ruins his day.

I'm so sorry.

My day looks like a milkshake.

Look, I'll take care of it. Just give me your pants.

Oh, now, wait a minute now, ma 'am.

Now, this is my day, ma 'am.

To clean them, Sandra.

I'll have them back for you in a jiffy. In by six, out by ten.

Forget it.

Forget it, okay? I'll just ring them out at Sandra's house. Oh, no, no, no, no.

You don't understand.

You see, Lester's business associate is out there, and the whole deal hinges on

neatness. So give me those pants.

Is she serious?

Has pneumonia.

Turn your back. Come on, turn around. Turn your back.

Do I have to?

This is ridiculous. This is just not...

Okay,

you can turn around now.

these back for you right away.

Don't go anywhere!

Um, dear, can I see you for a minute? It's very important.

Uh, not now, Mary. I'm busy.

Oh, you haven't completed your business deal yet?

Baby, we haven't even started yet. Besides, we haven't had dinner yet.

Oh, well, then I'll just freshen up your drinks.

You haven't given us any.

Oh, that is my mind.

Uh, but you know, I... What was that in the kitchen?

Must be the cat.

Oh, I thought we was having pot roast for dinner.

Honey, I know you're busy, but I really need you to open the wine. Excuse me.

You're a lucky woman, Mrs. Jenkins. The only thing my rodent of an ex -husband

would open is his mouth.

The rodent of which she speaks is in the kitchen.

What? In his underwear.

What are you talking about?

Sandra's date on the love connection is Gary Hunt, her ex -husband, and they are

in the kitchen.

Why would you do this to me?

We're safe because I have his pants.

Oh, fine.

The fate of my loan is in this woman's hands and you're holding his pants.

What do you want me to do? Tell her?

Okay.

She looks like a mature woman. She'll understand.

Uh, Cynthia.

About your ex -husband. Oh, tell me he's dead.

I'll get dinner. Oh, well, let me help you.

No, no, no, no. Mary, what's taking so long?

Oh, um, this is our cook.

It's several languages.

Shall we sit down and eat? Yeah.

Ciao.

Poor thing. She's always in the kitchen.

I wish she'd date more.

Son, this is ridiculous.

Now, we've been here for over an hour. I told you I was going to take you to

dinner and then dance. Now, come on. Let's get out of here. Now, wait a

Now, Gary, Gary.

Let's be spontaneous.

Let's dance here.

Here? Yeah.

Oh, no dessert for me, Mary.

Sorry, but I do have another appointment.

Good.

I mean, good that business is good.

Well, Lester, everything looks fine.

Come in tomorrow, sign the papers, and the loan will be yours.

Oh, that's great.

Hey, you hear that, Mary?

Thanks for dinner, Mary.

Well, Lester, I'll see you tomorrow.

All right, thank you. You're welcome.

Whoo, that was close.

But we pulled it off.

Come on, son, you haven't had enough. Now, we can't sit here all night. Now,

come on, let's get out of here. Come on.

Clear, it's clear.

Oh, hey, let's go party, girls.

Let's go to school together.

Oh, Gary. Gary, I'd like you to meet my husband, Lester.

Hi, Lester. Hi, Gary.

Nice shorts.

Come on, Sandra, let's get out of here. Oh, wait, Gary, your pants!

I'm sorry, but I've got... Gary!

Cynthia!

What are you doing here?

And in the shorts I bought for you.

Baby, don't tell me you want those back, too.

Look, Cynthia, I can explain.

Explain what, Lester?

How you are giving aid and comfort to my ex -husband?

Aid and comfort?

I'm here on a date.

It's my night off.

Yeah, I think I will have some dessert.

And as for you, don't you ever set foot in my bank again.

Does that mean I don't get the loot?

So I guess that spoiled your date.

Oh, no. I hosed him down.

We went to this lovely restaurant.

Then we went dancing, and we came home to my place.

Hosed him down.

Now we're getting to the interesting part.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

I'm glad you finally agreed to go to the movies with me.

Mm -hmm.

Oh, honey, you haven't said a word all night.

Consider yourself lucky.

Oh, honey, come on.

Look at that moon.

to get something steamy for the inquiry.

Well, sorry to disappoint you. Oh, that's all right.

I can send this to the Christian Science Monitor.

Well, you want to try that again now that we're alone?

Alone? Yeah, that's what you screwed up for me tonight.

Are you still on that?

Why don't you just apply for a new loan?

Fine. And when I put down why I was turned down on my previous loan, I just

my loan officer caught my wife hiding her ex -husband in our kitchen with his

pants off.

Can you get all of that on a loan application?

Lester, Mary, I'm glad I caught you. Why? You gonna take our credit cards,

I deserve that.

I feel awful about how I behaved this evening. It was very unprofessional.

Lester, there won't be any problem with the loan.

I just hope that you can accept my apology.

Oh, apology accepted.

As a matter of fact, why don't you come upstairs and have some coffee with us?

Oh, no, I don't want to bother you. Come on, just coffee. We don't have any pie

left.

Oh, Gary.

Gary!

Cynthia? Oh, no!

It was only a goodnight kiss or something.

I'm not going to fly off the handle.

I'm not going to get emotional.

I'm going to be in full control of myself.

Oh, good.

I thought I was going to lose my loan again.

Lester, if you crawled across the desert begging, I wouldn't give you that loan.

Just a ding -dang minute.

I'm sick of your unprofessional little butt here.

All we tried to do was protect you and keep you petty little people apart and

ask for the loan.

We don't have to worry about a loan, because when we get through suing you

your bank, you're both going to need a loan.

Now, wait a minute, Mary. See, now, you're way out of line. You cannot talk

my wife that way.

Ex -wife.

No, you're the one out of line.

I'm not going to stand here and let you talk to my wife like that and get away

with it. No, you're the one out of line.

I mean, stay out of it. I mean,

stay out of it.

fault to begin with, Sandra.

My fault? Mary baked a pie.

Well,

this certainly has been one of our more unusual dates, I'll tell you that.

Now, let's take a look and see who the audience picked for you, okay?

I'm sorry, Sandra. It looks like the audience picked Austin, but you don't

to go out with him.

You can go out with Gary if you'd like, but we don't pay for that.

Oh, well, that's okay. We'll just go back to Mary's place.

You got a hammer? I'll nail up the door in the kitchen. Come on.

You guys say to eat in there, I'm hungry.

I'd like to wish you both better luck this time. So where are you going to go?

Well, I'd like to take a tour of Gary's jewelry store.

Is it big?

Big? It's the biggest costume jewelry store in the city.

Costume jewelry?

Our motto is, hunt no further, nothing over $11.

$11?

Yeah, sure. You know, come on down, you know, pick something out for yourself. I

want a house. But I want Austin. Would you please get him for me, Chuckie?

honey, I can't get Austin. No, but I'll tell you something. I ain't got a

costume to do with you. That's fake, Chuckie. That's what I feel.

No, I don't want you. I don't want you. What you doing tonight, Chuckie? We'll

be back with another couple.

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