All language subtitles for 227 s04e06 And the Survey Says

That no place like home.

With your family around you, you're
never alone.

Know that you're loved. You don't need
to roam.

Cause there's no place like home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by with no flame or wave.

Home together, we'll make it right.

No place like home.

With your family around you, you're
never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't
need to roam.

Cause there ain't no place like. There
ain't no place like. There

ain't no place like. There's no place
like home.

I mean, no place like.

No. Lipstick, Marvin. Lipstick.
Lipstick.

Did you say lipstick?

And the survey says lipstick.

That's the number one answer. The
Bruners win the game. We'll be right

moment to play the Fast Money Round.

Mom, you got the number one answer
again.

Well, of course I did, Brenda. Of course
I did.

Game shows.

Hi, Lester. Oh, Mary, I'm so glad to be
here. I need help.

I was just saying to Rose this morning,
that child needs help.

No, no, this is serious. You know those
opal earrings are yours? I need to

borrow them for my date tonight.

Oh, ask me later.

The feud's back on.

A game show?

I'm in a crisis and you ignore me for a
silly little game show?

Are you ready to win some fast money?

Fast money? Ooh, those are my two
favorite words.

Be right back in a minute to see if the
Brutus can win $10 ,000.

$10 ,000?

a lot of earrings for $10 ,000.

Family Feud fans in the Washington, D
.C. area, you too can appear on

and win valuable prizes because the
Family Feud is coming to our nation's

capital. Honey, did you hear that? The
Family Feud's coming here. We can get

What do you say?

And the survey says?

No.

Come on, Lester.

Well, I'll leave you two to your games.
There's a couple of games of my own I

want to play.

You know, I can't believe it. We are
actually going to be interviewed for

Feud. Isn't this exciting?

Oh, it always is.

I've been to hundreds of these things.

Yeah. Let me give you a tip. They're
like people who are funny and think on

their feet.

That's why when they asked me my name, I
told them I'm the Duke of Windsor.

Have you been on a lot of game shows?

No. I never get past the interview.

May I have your attention, please?

Welcome to the tryouts for Family Feud.
Now, everybody relax. We just want to

know a little bit about yourselves and
your family.

So, who would like to start?

I will.

Thanks, Duke, but we've already got you
on file.

How about you, Miss?

Me? Mm -hmm.

Oh, well, my name is Mary Jenkins, and
my husband's name is Brenda, and my

daughter's name is Lester.

I'm sorry.

I'm just so nervous.

I always watch your show. Excuse me,
excuse me, excuse me. Oh, I'm sorry.

Sorry I'm late. I had to tear myself
away from my ailing grandmother's

We've always been such a close family.

Please, have a seat.

What you doing here?

Just trying to give my grandmother a few
moments of happiness.

You say your grandmother isn't feeling
well?

Mm -hmm. In fact, seeing me on
television is just about the only thing

get the poor dear back on her feet.

Mm -hmm, to change the channel.

And I'll just sit by Granny's bedside
and clutch her feeble hand in mine and

we'll watch The Family Feud again.

Oh, it does so much to brighten her last
few days.

I was saying I watch your show all the
time. Oh, me too. That is whenever I'm

not babysitting my niece Alexandria or
tutoring my brother Calvin or helping my

sister Rose.

It's your cousin Mary who's going to
blow you a couple of pieces.

Come on, Mary, give me a break.

You two know each other?

Oh, no, no, no. I've never seen her
before in my life.

I wish I could say the same thing. We're
neighbors.

You are.

No, no, no, we're not. I'm moving.

Promises, promises.

You're just scared I'll get on that game
show and win all the money.

The day you win Family Feud is the day
Pearl wins the Boston Marathon.

I don't believe this.

Oh, Mary, you see what you did? You
scared her off and you ruined my chance

be on television.

Oh, will you get serious? Nobody bought
that Mother Teresa act.

I bought it.

Yeah, Duke.

That's why you ain't never been on no
game show.

Thank you, Duke.

You don't even watch Family Feud.

I don't watch the dating game either,
but I bet I know how it's played.

Ladies, my producer would like a word
with you. Oh, did you say producer? Hi,

I'm Sergeant Clark.

I'd do anything to be on your show.

Oh, really?

Yeah, well, just a little.

I have good news for you because you've
been selected to appear on The Family

Feud. What? You picked her over me?

Ain't this a blip? What kind of jive
organization is this? Miss Jenkins, we

you too.

Well, we've decided to have a special
neighbor versus neighbor edition of the

Family Feud, and we'd like you two to be
team captains.

You want her to go up against me?

Well, child, I hope you got a whole lot
of commercials, because the game will

last about five minutes.

Are you kidding? I'll eat you alive.

Great, then it's all settled. Just be
here with your teams at 9 a .m. on

Thursday. I'll be here 9 sharp.

You may be here at 9, but you won't be
sharp.

We don't want to just do the show. We
want to win the show.

If we lose to Sandra, I will absolutely
die. Aren't you going a little

overboard? I thought this was supposed
to be for fun. You're making it sound

like war.

What could be more fun than beating
Sandra?

Eating a home -cooked meal instead of
this fast food junk.

You do this.

And fried chicken.

Macaroni and cheese.

Candied yams.

Black -eyed peas and cornbread.

And what's for dessert?

Teach college.

And anything you want.

Okay. Now, suppose they ask you, what is
a condemned man's last request?

What would you say?

A home -cooked meal.

Oh, honey, it's a cigarette. Everybody
knows a condemned man always asks for a

cigarette. Mary, I don't even smoke.

Would you forget what you do?

It's what the average person does.

You got to think like they think so we
can get the points.

Hey, everybody, look who's here.

Hey, Pop.

Yes, you did it.

Pop,

what you doing here?

Hey, Mary called me and said we're going
to war.

You wrote my father into this?

Sure did.

Hey, listen, I wouldn't miss this for
nothing in the world. Well, I've been

watching game shows since, um... What's
my line?

Beep, that's one down and nine to go.

Oh, Mary, listen.

You're the family feud expert.

When are you going to tell us what teams
we're on? Oh, they don't. We have to

decide that for ourselves.

How? Well, let's be democratic.

Mary, you stand here, and I'll stand
over here. Now, everybody who wants to

on my team, stand behind me.

I guess you didn't understand.

Don't take it personal, Sonia. Now, if
this was the love connection, maybe it'd

be a different story.

You know, I at least have one friend
here.

Alexandria, aren't you forgetting
something?

on your team, Miss Clark.

Isn't that sweet?

You know, ever since she's been living
with you guys, she's become more

thoughtful. Yeah.

Oh, Alexandria, honey, you don't have to
do that just because you feel sorry for

Miss Clark.

If I don't, I won't get the gold
bracelet she promised me.

So, Miss Clark, you ought to be ashamed
of yourself, bribing that child.

And, Alexandria, you know better. Now,
not only don't you get the gold

but you have to stay over there.

Mary, wait a minute now. The kid is in
college.

And got an IQ of 175.

195. Excuse me?

Uh, oh.

Peer pressure, baby, peer pressure.

There's only one way to straighten this
thing out. Brenda, bring my hat over

here, will you, please, darling? Just
like a man.

Soon as the going gets rough, he reaches
for his hat. Now, we're going to do

this thing, and we're going to do it
right.

Now, I'm going to put your names,
everybody, in this hat, and you're going

have to pick.

And it's five to a team. That's
impossible. There's only nine of us. I

that. I must have IQ 195, too.

Well, then we'll get another person.

I'll get it.

Hi, everybody.

Ray, what are you doing up here?

Me? I just happened to be walking by
reading my game show encyclopedia.

Ray. We need a tenth person to be with
us on the family feud.

Ray, you number ten.

Thanks, Bill. Hey, y 'all sons, start
them picking. All right, let's pick up

size. Sandra, you can pick first.

Wait a minute. How come she gets to pick
first?

Oh, Mary, somebody has to.

Pam!

Milton.

Bill!

Oh, Lord, Ray.

Well, I'm not saying you didn't roll a
minute. over there.

Calvin. Now you got a man, Miss Clark.

Brenda,

if I give the wrong answer, just don't
yell at me.

Well, that leaves Lester and Alexandra.

Here we go, kid.

Special edition from Washington, D .C.

Today's contestants are from the same
neighborhood. In fact, most of them live

in the same building. Meet Mary Jenkins
and her team.

Playing again, Sondra Clark and her
team.

On your mark, get set, let's start the
family...

Thank you very

much. Let's meet Mary Jenkins and her
teammates.

Hi, Ray. Hi, Mary.

How are you?

Fine. Who'd you bring with you? Well, I
brought our zany mailman, Ray, my lovely

daughter, Brenda.

Perky little Alexandria DeWitt and my
frisky father -in -law, Milton.

Zany, lovely, frisky, perky. What
happened to sleepy, grumpy, and dopey?

on the other team.

You better laugh now, because you'll be
crying soon.

I get the feeling we're in for a real
battle.

Let's meet your opposition.

Sandra.

Don't you even love me?

Of course I do.

Sandra, who'd you bring with you?

Well, besides the two guys waiting for
me in my dressing room, my team consists

of Calvin and his grandmother Pearl, my
landlady Rose, and Mary's husband

Lester.

Mary's husband, huh?

That's not what you think, Ray. We're a
happy couple. I mean, Mary and I are a

happy couple.

We used to be.

You don't have to explain, Lester.
Whatever you do in the privacy of your

home is between you, Mary, Sandra, and
our 50 million viewers.

50 million?

50 million people are watching me and an
attractive single woman who owns their

own apartment building?

I say let's play the fuse!

Mary, Sandra, let's go!

The first team to $300 wins the game,
gets a chance to play fast money for the

$10 ,000. Good luck.

We asked 100 people this question. We've
got the top four answers on the board.

Try to find the most popular.

Name something you would order in an
Italian restaurant.

You are fast.

In more ways than one.

Sandra, name something you would order
in an Italian restaurant.

Spaghetti. Show me spaghetti.

Lester, imagine you're in an Italian
restaurant. What's the first thing you

would order?

The accordion player to stop playing.

I need an answer list. Uh, pizza.

Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Pizza.

Rose, name something you would order in
an Italian restaurant.

Well, is somebody treating or are we
going Dutch?

You've got three seconds.

Both. Well, it depends on who's paying.

I'm paying, Rose, so come on.

Okay, okay, okay.

Uh, chicken cacciatore.

There it is.

Pearl?

Are you going to kiss me, Richard?

You're thinking of Richard Dawson. I'm
Ray Combs. What do you do, Ray?

I'm the host of the show.

Well, why don't you ask me a question?

What's your favorite Italian food?

Neck bones.

You're trying to throw the game. You
know neck bones aren't an Italian food.

They are if you stuff them in ravioli.

Show us your southern Italian favorite,
y 'all. Neck bones.

Great. Ask her another one, Ray.

You're getting on my last nerve, Mary.

All right, Calvin, there's one answer
left on the board. Piece of cake. All

right, show me piece of cake. No, no,
no. The answer's lasagna.

There it is!

You got the back.

There we go.

There's another answer.

We've got the top four answers on the
board. We asked 100 people.

Name something you used once and then
throw away.

Lester, toothpick.

There it is, three answers.

Paper towel.

Paper towel.

Hey, you can wrap your toothpick in our
paper towel.

Alexandria, name something you use once
and then throw away.

Plutonium. Plutonium.

Trust me.

Let's see some plutonium.

That's impossible.

I've never been wrong before.

You want to choose sides again, Mary?

Brenda, can you name something you use
once, then throw away?

Um, no one would use a tissue again.
Yeah, that's good. That's a good one.

Maybe tissue.

How gross.

Ray, name something you use once, and
then throw away.

An ugly wound.

Just joking, Ray.

I'll say Q -tip.

Then you name something you use once and
then throw away.

Um... A disloyal husband.

My real answer is a... What was the
question again?

Name something you use once and then
throw away.

Better write it out for her, Ray. She a
little slow.

Demon floss.

Mm -hmm.

Demon floss!

The dollar value is tripled. We've got
the top three answers on the board. We

asked 100 people.

Name the part of the newspaper that you
read first.

Michelle, are you all right?

I'm fine.

That's not fair.

Brains and youth is not a match for old
age and treachery. Let's pay for

treachery.

That's no way for a team leader to talk.

There's $10 ,000 a day, heroes.

What a shreds, Pearl.

Pearl, I need an answer. Name the part
of the newspaper that you read first.

The Price.

The Price.

If Richard Dawson was here, the answer
would have been all right.

Brenda. Um, I read the comics.

How juvenile.

Let's go to the perspective of the
mailman, Ray. Got an answer?

Well, actually, I... I don't read the
newspaper.

I just roll it up and fight off mad
dogs.

I'll say the weather report.

All right, weather report.

Looking pretty cloudy right now.

Mary, name the part of the newspaper
that you read first.

The horoscope.

Then you know today is going to be a bad
day for you.

Or not as bad as it's going to be for
you.

Milton's the name. Game shows my game.

One heads.

Wrong, but I liked it, Milt. I liked it.

All right, one more strike, and Sandra's
team's going to try to steal your bank

and all the rest on the shoulders of
this sweet, innocent girl.

Don't try to intimidate me. The answer
is the editorial page, of course.

Who you missed? I'm not letting you do
my homework anymore.

Go over to Sandra's team. Name the part
of the newspaper that you read first.

Calvin. Newly Sexist. Pearl. Oh, no,
Dear Abby.

Rose. Oh, Pearl, really? You know it's
the food section?

Lester. The Sports Pages.

Sandra, there's some fine answers there
you can make up your own.

Well, Sandra Clark always follows the
man's lead, so I'm going to take

answer. The Sports Pages. If it's there,
you win the game.

Show me Sports Page.

What is she upset about? I just shook
hands with her. Oh, she don't care?

Yes, I do.

Oh, come on, Mary. Now, you're just a
poor loser.

Dukakis took it better than you.

Ladies, ladies, ladies, ladies, can we
have a piece?

Ladies, can we stop this? What are you
doing?

Right after these messages.

We're back.

We're back.

Our team captains have signed a non
-aggression pact. We're about to play

Money. Sondra, you have 15 seconds to
answer these questions and win $10 ,000.

I'm so nervous.

Can you imagine what I can do with $10
,000?

Yeah, pay for your funeral.

You're not going to share it with the
rest of your teammates?

Oh, yeah.

Can you imagine what I can do with $9
,000?

Have a cheaper funeral.

All right, don't be nervous. Just say
the first thing that comes to your mind.

Name something.

Hey!

Let me finish.

Name something you must have in order to
live.

A man.

One of the seven wonders of the world.

A rich man.

Something that improves with age. A
young man.

A Christmas present you'd exchange.

A old man.

A condemned person's last request.

A young man.

That's 15 seconds. Let's see how you
did.

Something you have to have in order to
live. You said...

A man.

Our survey said?

Zero. And the second answer was?

A rich man. Our survey said?

Zero. Third answer, what?

A young man. Our survey said?

A Christmas present you'd exchange, you
said?

An old man. Our survey said?

A condemned person's last request, you
said?

Any man.

Our survey said?

Who says?

Hey, when you're hot, you're hot, and
when you're not, you're not.

Okay, Simon, it looks like you got a
perfect zero.

How can a perfect 10 get a perfect zero?

You're in the car, sad girl.

Back in a few weeks, let's bring in
Lester. It's all up to him.

I'm ready for the peel.

All right, Lester, we're going to reveal
your partner's answers to the audience.

You have 20 seconds. If you hear this
sound, you've duplicated one of Sandra's

answers. Fat chance of that.

Name something you must have in order to
live.

A happy wife.

A wife.

One of the seven wonders of the world.

The pyramids.

Something that improves with age.

Wine. A Christmas present you'd
exchange.

One of Mary's ties.

A condemned person's last request.

A home -cooked cigarette.

Wait a minute. That's not fair. I gave
him that answer. All right, Lester,

see how you did. It means something you
must have in order to live. You said

water. Our survey said 50. Number one
answer.

You said pyramids are wonderful.

Our survey said another number one
answer.

You say wine improves with age. What did
our survey say?

The number one answer.

You give Lester a tie for Christmas and
he exchanges it. Our survey said...

You've got $10 ,000 if just five people

said that a condemned person's last
request was... What was that thing you

Cigarette. Cigarette.

Our survey said... Oh!

You missed it by one. The number one
answer was a home -cooked meal.

Shoot. Oh, honey.

Now, if I told you once, I told you a
thousand times. Don't listen to me.

You never said that in your life.

It was just a game.

It was supposed to be fun.

Look who's talking.

Okay, okay. I got carried away.

But Rose and Pearl got over it. Why
can't you?

Mm -hmm.

Well, I'll tell you one thing. That's
the last time we're going to end up on

different teams.

You got that right.

Yeah.

Let's make up again.

Don't open that door. I got to. It's my
ex -teammate.

What did you want, son?

Hi, Lester.

Let's bury the hatchet. Our team made
almost $1 ,000. I think we should share

with everybody.

Except you.

I guess I owe you an apology.

I accept.

Now, I did have to deduct some team
expenses.

What team expenses?

My hairdo, my medical, my new dress. So
the way I figure it, you each owe me

about $7 .83.

Let's play that other game.

Wishbone? Wishbone.

Yeah, and you the bone.

Thank you.