Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam. Cause there's no place

home.

Time's gonna change it.

Every day, we won't get by with no flame away.

Pulling together, we'll make it right.

With a number of my friends, I know we can try. Cause there's no place like

home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam.

Cause there ain't no place like, there ain't no place like,

There's no place like home.

I mean, no place, child.

Miserab. What's looking at me for?

Son is the one not with. Girl can't move.

Rose, I may not know how to do a lot of things, but how to move isn't one of

them.

Would you two cut it out?

Now, I want it faster.

Faster. Yeah, but earlier you said do it slower.

Slower. Oh, my goodness. I wonder if Quincy Jones has to put up with this.

I mean, how do you expect me to get a show done?

Well, they picked you because you're so calm and cool.

Such a pleasure to work with.

Can we try it again, faster?

Hit it, Daryl.

Come on in, he's on down, he's on down the road.

Come on in, he's on down, he's on down the road.

Don't you care, baby, I've been mad my whole life.

Get me off.

You know, Mary, that's not the kind of whistle I usually respond to.

production for the church.

Rose, in show business, there's no such thing as a little production.

Only little people.

Well, you're lucky we're little people. There's 11 of us here in one dressing

room. Yeah.

And what about that one bathroom?

It's got me uptight.

Oh, by the way, that reminds me. While the choir is singing, we'll have to use

the gas station. Now, Mary, hold on. Oh, trouble.

I hope.

Oh, Lord. Take five.

Emma, nice to see you. Very friendly for someone who stole my director's job

from me.

I didn't steal it, Emma. The reverend assigned it to me.

Well, all I can say is you must have made some contribution to the church.

Yes, I did. The contribution of directing.

Emma, you know you've never directed anything.

I'll have you know in my 20s I directed Caesar and Cleopatra.

Really? Was she as pretty as they say she was?

Break a leg, Mary.

And I do mean break a leg.

What's the matter, officer?

Was I traveling too fast?

Pearl, I have seen every costume except the lion. When am I going to see it?

Well, it was so expensive.

How about a rabbit?

A lion, Pearl. Get me a lion.

All right, but he's going to have big ears.

How's the play going?

Reverend, there is no way I can get this play done in a week.

Well, Mary, the Lord created the earth in six days.

But he wasn't working with amateurs.

Well, I have faith in you, Mary. Oh, by the way, the education committee wanted

me to thank you and Lester again for volunteering to take in a college

Oh, it's our pleasure, Reverend.

Oh, she'll be here tomorrow.

And she couldn't have picked a better time.

Can you believe it, Stacy?

I am going to be sharing my room with a college student.

Do you know what that means?

Yes, I'm going to have two girls running after me.

No.

It means I'm going to be meeting college men and not high school boys.

Hi, Mrs. Dickens.

Okay, Brenda, off the phone.

There's work to do. I gotta go. Steven Spielberg is back.

I gotta get back.

Is your room clean?

Kind of.

Work with me, Brenda. Work with me.

Not only am I doing a play, but I have a college student arriving in a few

minutes. Okay, Mom.

This is so exciting. I hope she's cool.

Yeah, in my fantasy, she's vanity in a crew neck sweater. Well, in my fantasy,

her name is Alexandria.

She'll help you get a head start in college, and she might even give me a

around here.

Here, put this in your room.

I'll give you a hand. No, give me that hand.

Put that in it, and when you get back, I got something else for you to do. Oh,

good, Mrs. Jenkins. Something more to look forward to.

Hey, Mary, what happened to my nightstand?

Oh, honey, I put it in Brenda's room. I thought it would make a nice little desk

for Alexandria.

Well, where am I supposed to put my books when I read at night?

Just come over to my side of the bed.

I don't come over to that side for reading.

Oh.

Oh, here they come.

Hello.

You must be Mr. DeWitt.

Professor DeWitt.

And you must be Mrs. Jenkins.

What a pleasure.

Well, come in, come in. Thank you.

Professor DeWitt, I'm Lester Jenkins. How do you do?

And may I say how marvelous it is of you to open up your home for my little

girl. It's our pleasure.

Well, where's Alexandria? I asked her to wait downstairs.

I thought it best we speak first, sort of get to know each other.

Well, so this is where Alexandra will be living for the next year.

Charming.

Charming. Tell me, Mrs. Jenkins, which door opens to the library?

That one. It's five blocks down the road.

Mrs. Jenkins, I will be gone for an entire year. It's important that I know

much about you as I can.

They come to you, Hoovers.

What?

Those are our neighbors.

Probably coming to borrow our encyclopedia.

We got a mail. Here, check this out.

These are our neighbors, Rose Holloway and Sandra Clark. This is Professor

DeWitt. Hello.

Oh, I dated a professor once.

Did he study anthropology?

No, anatomy.

Hey, Mrs. Jenkins, I finished taking out the garbage. Anything else?

Okay, Mom, my room is all cleaned out.

You must forgive us, Professor.

It usually isn't that hectic around here. This is our daughter, Brenda, and

that's our neighbor, Calvin Dobbs. How you doing?

Where's my new roommate?

She's downstairs studying her physics book.

Oh, she's a science major. That's her minor.

She's majoring in philosophy, higher mathematics, and linguistics.

Hey, my three favorite subjects.

Hey, if she ever needs any help, I live right downstairs.

That must be Alexandra now. Oh, I'll get it.

Alexandria. Alexandria?

This is my daughter, Alexandria.

These are the Jenkins.

How do you do?

Strong grip.

Construction game, perhaps?

Yes, I do own a construction company. Good choice. Housing starts are up 6 %

this year.

And this must be Mrs. Jenkins.

Yes.

I'm in housing, too.

Nice to meet you, Alexandria.

Thank you for inviting me here. I'm sure we'll get along splendidly.

And this must be Brenda.

Yes, ma 'am. I mean, hi.

Brenda, this should be fun. Do you like music?

Oh, I love music.

Good. I brought my entire collection of the three Bs. What group is that?

Bach, Beethoven, and Brahms.

Well, um, I like rap.

Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince.

Oh, honey, you'll grow up.

I'm your landlady. Oh, landlady. Are you familiar with Keynes' theory of

economics? No, but I'm familiar with Keyes' theory.

What's that?

No rent, no keys.

And I don't believe I've been told about this chap.

This chap lives downstairs with his grandmother, who's got to see this to

believe it.

How old are you?

you're entering college? Some 11 -year -olds haven't even graduated college.

Well, uh, I gotta finish putting on my lion's costume. If you hear any growling

upstairs, you know my date's arrived.

He's a real animal.

Good luck, Mary.

I'll be watching Wild Kingdom.

Now, Brenda, would you kindly show me to my room?

You mean my room?

You mean we're sharing?

Well, actually, the whole closet is empty.

along splendidly. Uh, Mr. DeWitt, we had no idea that Alexandria was only 11.

None whatsoever.

Well, now, I know we have an agreement, but I really think we have to discuss

this. Good!

Because, frankly, I'm a bit concerned about you two.

I beg your pardon.

Tell you what. We'll give it a two -week trial.

Guess what?

I gave Brenda the gift. She's gonna love those laboratory mice.

How about a one -week trial?

So you see, Reverend, Alexandria is not exactly what we expected.

Well, it seems as though you have your hands filled, but I can't think of a

better couple to handle it.

I wish you could.

Well, the trial period will be over soon, and you can make your decision

I guess so.

Okay, break's over. Let's get back to rehearsal.

What's up next, honey?

Pearl's number.

All right, Pearl, it's time for Don't Nobody Bring Me No Bad News. Get on up

there. Well, I got bad news.

I ain't doing it.

Pearl, Pearl, please don't do this to me. The production is tomorrow.

But, I mean, that song is not sexy enough for me. I really need something

hot, you know what I mean?

Pearl, that song is a showstopper. Yeah, you got the best song in the musical.

Oh, come on, Mary. Let's show her how to do it. Oh, whatever.

Okay, hit it, Gerald.

When I wake up in the afternoon, as it pleases me to do, don't nobody bring me

no bad news.

Because I wake up already negative, and I'm lighting up my fuse.

So don't nobody bring me no bad news.

Bring the message in your head or it's something you can't lose.

Don't you ever bring me no bad news.

If you're going to bring me something, bring me something I can use like a man.

Check on our star.

Dorothy's number's up next.

Okay.

Mr. Jenkins, Mr. Jenkins. What is it, Alexandria?

Do you believe in physical violence?

Of course not.

They're after me. They're after me. Help.

There's that little monster.

Wait a minute. Just a minute. Just a minute. Do you know what she did? She

us to her college and embarrassed us in front of her entire psychology class.

We're not sure. She said something in Latin and all her friends started

laughing. That's how much you know. It was in Greek.

Oh, let me at it.

No, no, stop it. Stop it, you two.

Now, I think we can settle this when we get home.

In English.

All right.

All right. At home.

We'll get with you later.

Look at it this way. You could be Toto.

Well, at this point, I'd rather be a flea collar than this. In the original

book, Toto didn't wear a flea collar.

In fact, the flea collar was invented in 1949.

Alexandria, Alexandria.

Take your little stuff over there and sit down.

And read a book. Better yet, write one.

Don't you touch my tail.

The men are going to love me in this costume.

When I grow up, I want a man to love me for my mind.

Honey, trust me. I dated that guy, and he's a real drag.

Can we get back to rehearsal?

Forget Dorothy's part.

The star has an upset stomach and had to go home.

Mary, I could read the part of Dorothy.

Emma?

You're lucky you're reading Toto.

Um, Alexandria, come here.

I want you to come up here and be Dorothy for a few minutes, okay?

Here, now read that.

If you believe within your heart, you'll know that no one can change if

happiness goes.

That's not true.

Freud wrote that people can't change.

Read.

garbage. Alexandria, it's only a song.

Well, it's no Aida.

Alexandria, everything does not have to be perfect or intellectual.

Some things are done just because they're fun. Fun!

Mrs. Jenkins, forgive me, but if you think about it, you're talking like a

child.

No, I'm talking to a child who doesn't know how to act like one. Now read it.

You couldn't sleep either, huh?

No.

Thinking about Alexandria.

Yeah, she's in there huddled up in my chair.

Mm -hmm. Brenda evicted her.

What are we going to do about her?

Well, we may not have a decision to make. She doesn't seem to be too

with us.

Well, I can't say I blame her. I have been crazy with this show.

Yeah, and I've been busy with work.

And Brenda was expecting an 18 -year -old. Oh, babe, we were all expecting an

-year -old. Mm -hmm.

Instead, we got an 11 -year -old. Going on 50.

Oh, it looks like there might not even be a show.

Well, it's not your fault the star of the show came down with measles.

What's that?

Alexandria.

I'll go.

Alexandria?

Honey, what's the matter?

Is this the Tiber I love? of control.

I'll be fine.

Yes, I can see that.

Oh, Mr.

Cheekus, nobody likes me. You don't like me. Mr.

Cheekus doesn't like me. Brenda hates me.

Oh, now, Alexandria, honey, none of that's true.

You just aren't quite what we were expecting, that's all. And it takes a

time for people to get used to each other.

And how do you want to act?

I don't know. I just don't want anybody to be mad at me.

You know what I think?

What? I think you should just be yourself.

I mean, sometimes that might be acting like a grown -up, and sometimes that may

be acting like a kid.

But either way, as long as you always remember to treat other people with

respect, then they'll respect you.

Mrs. Jenkins?

What?

Right now, I want to be a kid.

Thank you, Mrs. Jenkins. I feel much better.

And emotional catharsis can be very cleansing.

Yeah, child.

Sure can.

What's going on?

Mary, what is it? Is Alexandra all right?

Yeah. My little baby's going to be just fine.

Wait a minute, Mom.

I thought I was your little baby.

Oh, Brenda.

that shows you what a great director can do.

Can I get out of this tin pan now?

Just as soon as we get your partner off stage.

Wonderful.

You sure you know all your lines?

Oh, who am I kidding?

You're going to be wonderful.

Mrs. Jenkins, you ain't heard nothing yet.

Ain't? I hope our father doesn't hear that.