Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you're loved, you don't need to roam. Cause there's no

like home.

Times are changing every day.

We won't get by, we don't claim our way. Pulled together, we'll make it

right. We've come from our friends, I know we can try, but there's no place

home. With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that you love, you don't need to roam.

No place, child.

I told her she was out here.

Here's your hot tea, Rose.

You want a drink or to put your feet in it?

What are you doing out here, child? It's freezing.

Well, I'm waiting on the gas man.

Well, wait inside. I just hope they can fix that control panel. You know, some

of the apartments aren't getting any heat.

Yeah, old man Baxley.

He said his teeth chattered so hard they fell off the bedside table.

Well, Mary, you don't have to worry about this cold snap because in 24 hours

will be basking in the sunshine of Hawaii.

Yeah, I can hardly wait.

You know, Lester and I have been dreaming about this for years.

Palm trees, luau.

Well, when it's 90 degrees and you're soaking in that tropical pool, don't

a second thought to your friends in 227.

Rose, don't be silly. I send you a postcard every day.

What's your address?

Hey. Hi.

We just came over to say our goodbyes. You busy?

Not anymore.

I'm all through packing.

Well, that's a pretty small bag.

We're only going for a week. Everything I need is in here.

And here, and in here, and in here.

We all have something that we want to say to you.

One, two, three.

Bon voyage!

Bon voyage is French for bring back some gifts.

Oh, we're going to miss you guys.

Well, there's a tactic. Oh, bye.

Oh, bye.

Have a good time. Yeah. Oh, bye, miss. Bye -bye, sweetheart.

Oh, and Brenda.

Oh, honey, I'm going to miss you. I'll miss you too, Mommy.

Oh, Mary, she'll be fine. Besides, she's going to keep me company since

Tiffany's at her grandparents'. Well, we got to go.

Okay.

Sandra, you are late.

Thanks to you.

Me? You're the one in charge of heating my apartment, aren't you? Well, she had

the gas man out here today.

Well, she better get him back. I ran a hot bath. By the time I finished the

phone call, I could skate on my tub.

Sandra, I'm sorry. I'll call the guys immediately.

Well, what do I do until then?

Practice your figure eights.

Oh, Sandra, what a lovely coat. Is it new?

Uh -huh.

I got it from a friend.

Oh, your friend got a brother?

Got a father?

Got a grandfather?

Oh, I got a date with him tonight.

I would ask him, Pearl, but I don't think there's going to be a love in the

conversation. Oh.

Well, let's go, Mary.

It's hard chasing an airplane with three suitcases. Right.

Oh, Mary, I almost forgot. Here, I got a little gift for you and Lessa for your

romantic holiday. I picked it out myself. You're going to love it. It's

something you always wanted.

Oh, how'd you get a Ferrari in that little box?

How's it going, Mr.

Jenkins?

Just calm down, Calvin.

What is it?

It's a string bikini.

a pair of earmuffs and a chin strap.

I'm not wearing that. Why not? I wore one at Virginia Beach last summer. Took

them two hours to put down that ride.

Sandra, I thought you said you bought something they both could enjoy.

It is. It's for Mary to wear and Lester to watch.

Well, you get no complaints out of me?

Good. Then you wear it and I'll watch.

Chic, very chic, brother, but I think you need a bigger size.

Who are you, the cab driver?

Oh, can't get nothing past you, huh, big guy?

Cute, real cute.

Wonder how cute he'll be when I give him a 50 -cent tip.

Now, come on, folks. We want to get going before the roads get too bad,

Right.

Oh, but, sweetie.

Those are bags.

Nice.

Goodness. That was a quick trip.

Well, don't worry, baby. I'll make it up to you next month. We reschedule.

Hey, man.

Can I put these bags down here or do I have to unpack them too?

Listen, I'm really sorry that you guys missed out on your trip to Hawaii.

But, uh, look on the bright side.

What bright side?

I get a round trip there.

Somehow I expect a little more seeing as how much you saved by not going to

Hawaii.

Saved by not going to Iraq.

Mom, Dad, what are you doing back?

Yeah, we just saw the cab driver.

Oh, the airport got snowed in. Our flight was canceled.

Oh, Mom, and you were planning this trip for so long.

This is awful.

I know.

Rose, now look.

Mary.

What you doing?

It's a sad story.

His flight was canceled.

Oh.

Well, you think that was a sad story. My boyfriend is six blocks away trying to

find a place where he can rent a dog sled.

Now, Rose, when can I get some heat on in my apartment again?

I don't know. I called them. They said they were swamped. You know, the heat

went out in my apartment, too.

Mine, too. That's why we all came up here. There are only two apartments with

heat. This one and the Baker's.

Oh. That's too bad. Honey, you don't mind if they stay here for a little

do you? Why not? They're always here anyway.

Oh, good.

Oh, man.

My cab is stuck in the snow.

The bus stop is at the end of the block.

What?

What? They're not running.

Nothing's running.

Thanks, Miss.

Name's Lou Wilson, and you don't even know I'm here.

I can't stand it.

This was going to be one of my top three dates of the year.

He's an ideal man, tall, dark, and wealthy.

And he's out there somewhere looking for me.

Sandra, I'm sure he gave up hours ago.

Rose. You've obviously never been on a date with me.

Sandra,

there's a blizzard out there.

So what?

You ever see Dr. Cheval go?

Omar Sharif went all the way across Siberia to find Julie Christie.

I wonder how much cab fare that would have been.

If only there was some way I could find him.

Oh, come on, Julie Christie.

Maybe I can get my cab started and we can search the tundra.

Hey, Lester, you want the sports section?

Well, I guess it's about time for us all to turn in.

Oh, I did that an hour ago.

Okay, listen up, everybody.

Now, Lester and I will sleep in our room.

Rose, you and Pearl can sleep in Brenda's room. Brenda and Calvin will

We'll sleep in different rooms.

Honey, just think. We could be in an oceanfront room with balmy breezes and a

romantic moon above.

Instead, we're here in our living room with our balmy friends sleeping on our

couch.

Ah, what now?

You couldn't start your cab? Couldn't find my cab.

Must be six feet of snow out there.

That's why I couldn't find my boyfriend. He's only 5 '10". Well, looks like we

got two more spending tonight.

Last time I bunked with this many people, I was in the Army.

You sure don't look nothing like my drill sergeant.

Eddie.

Morning, baby.

Morning, honey. Morning, Daddy.

Morning, Shirley.

Morning, Sandra.

Morning, Lester.

Morning, Mr. Jenkins.

Morning, Calvin. Morning, Rose.

Morning, Lester.

Morning, Lester. Morning, Pearl.

You know, it's a wonder the Waltons ever made it to breakfast.

The weather report's about to come on.

Today's outlook for the Washington, D .C. area is blue skies with a high in

low 80s.

Just kidding.

there mary remind me to go down to that station when the weather warms up and

brutalize that guy next well i guess i'll go take my shower now oh no

you don't there's a line a long line and i'm next well you're all gonna have to

wait because i'm going first that's typical what's that supposed to mean

it means you don't ever think about anybody but yourself Yes, I do, but he

doesn't happen to be here right now, okay?

And if it wasn't for you, we wouldn't be in this fixed rose.

Don't start blaming me again. Well, you are the landlady, right, Pearl?

Pearl? Pearl?

I'm in the bathroom.

Now, you see, you made me miss my turn. Oh, come on, Sandra. It's not my fault

that it's so outside. It's your fault I'm down here. Come on. We're in the

boat. Yeah, the Titanic.

I suppose y 'all gonna blame me.

Roll, sweetheart. This is my house.

Now, can we try to get along for at least two hours?

Calvin, turn on the TV. There's another weather report coming on.

And now, a special weather update.

A second storm front is moving in.

Conditions are expected to worsen. We advise you to conserve food and water.

wherever you are, plan to be there indefinitely.

Indefinitely.

Hey, pulling all our groceries was a good idea.

Trying to feed eight people for two days really wiped out our kitchens.

What did you get from my house?

Everything edible.

Got a loaf of bread, head of lettuce, half a dozen eggs, three apples, and

ten packages of gummy bears.

Gummy bears?

Oh, they're Calvin's. No, Grandma, they're yours. Calvin, watch TV.

I found all sorts of goodies in my refrigerator.

Chocolates from Labby.

I love apples.

Uh -uh, we don't have enough.

We got to ration everything, and somebody's got to watch the food.

I'll do it.

Then I'll watch Luke.

And I'll watch Sondra. Well, with so much watching, I'm getting hungry.

Well, you wouldn't have to go hungry, Pearl. If Rose had got the heat fixed.

I told you, Sondra, as soon as repairmen get here, it will be fixed.

Well, when is that?

How should I know?

You're the landlady. It's your responsibility to know. You know, I'm

you blaming me for something I have no control over. I never brought your

personal life into this realm.

I can't wait to get out of here so I can be with you. I'm you!

Oh, this is getting good. You know what I think? Stay out of this!

That's right.

Calvin, you are so rude. Hey, hey, hey, what's going on with you two?

Dad, I was trying to watch Soul Train and then Calvin... And she turned from

wrestling to do it.

Can you imagine that? I can.

Nobody wants to sit around here and look at a bunch of grown men running around

half naked.

What channel was that?

They are driving me crazy.

You are not by yourself. They are driving me crazy, too. Hey, I'm not

a repairman. I'm trying to fix that thing myself.

Say, Lou, you want to come with me? No way.

What? No way I wouldn't help you, brother.

Listen,

you guys, what we need to do is something we can do together to keep our

off things.

Eight, nine.

Marvin Gardens. Who owns it?

Who do you think?

Rose!

And with a hotel, that'll be $1 ,200, please.

Gee, Mom, you were right. This is lots of fun.

Can I have some of that?

Mm -mm. This is my lunch ration.

I'll give you $500.

In Baltic Avenue?

Deal.

Come on, Sandra, it's your turn.

Four, five, six. Ooh, goodie, a railroad. I want to buy it. Can't buy

already own it. I own all of them.

That'll be $200, please. I don't have $200.

How about half a gummy bear?

No money?

You're out of the game.

Oh, come on, Rose. Give her a break.

Mary, you know if she was on the other foot, she'd kick me.

Would not.

Would you? Would not. Would you? Either pay up or pull out.

I won't give you the satisfaction.

Pearl, lend me $200.

I loaned you $5 last week, and you ain't paid back.

And I ain't letting you have no more than you do.

Here's $5. Now, will you lend me $200?

Uh -uh.

What you mean, uh -uh? Oh, for heaven's sake, here's $200. Can we get on with

the game?

Well, I could have accepted this.

You have something to say, Rose?

Why do you have to be such a goody two -shoes, wanting to be everybody's

You cannot buy friendship.

Apparently, I can. I just bought Sandra's for $200.

Why are you taking this so serious?

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

It's just a game.

Now, come on, throw the dice.

Never mind. I'll pass.

Leave me in jail where it's safe.

Give me these bones. I ain't scared of Rose.

Well, I don't know why y 'all have it in for me. It's not my fault I'm winning.

Five. Ooh.

Three, four, five.

Boardwalk. All right, Pearl.

I own it with a hotel.

You're bankrupt.

That's it. I give up.

Oh, Mary, don't take it so seriously. It's just a game.

Me? You're the one in everybody's throat.

Yeah, you tell her, Mom.

You too, Brenda. I mean, you and Calvin have been going at it pretty good, too,

you know.

Well, I wanted the bone. He took it. You always want your way.

She's not the only one.

I hope that wasn't directed towards me.

You know, you're getting on my nerves, Rose. You're getting on my nerves.

Well,

what happened to her?

I think I know.

So do I. We'd have to be pretty dense not to see it. See what?

Don't you guys think we've been just a little bit inconsiderate of each other?

Not to mention to my parents.

Yep, you all should be ashamed of yourselves.

Us?

Well, maybe I had one or two minor indiscretions.

Poor Mary and Lester.

On top of missing their trip to Hawaii, they had to put up with all of us.

Yeah, I wish there was some way we could make it up to them.

Well, money always works.

You know those props that I have from the church play?

I'm not wearing those angel wings again, Ro.

No, no, no, no, not the Christmas play. The summer extravaganza.

Yeah.

Oh, you know, I know what you're thinking. You know, it just might work.

work if we all work together as friends.

Well, that's what we are, aren't we?

Okay,

come here. Come here, Callie.

Now, if we all work together, it might be all right.

Aloha, Mary and Lester.

And welcome to the islands.

And now that you've had your first class cab ride to the airport and a wonderful

flight to the islands, you are now at the Lush Hula Palms Hotel.

And you are ready to start your Hawaiian vacation.

How'd they rope you in on this?

Hey, big guy, it was either this or a hula skirt.

And look, your friends want to show you Hawaii, so...

Hear the roar of the South Pacific.

See the lush palm trees and scenery.

Feel the blue skies.

And touch the erupting volcanoes.

Volcanoes? Hey, man, use your imagination.

Okay, listen.

First, before we begin our show, a little refreshment.

Aloha. Aloha.

Aloha.

It compliments me.

Oh, you look delicious.

Hmm, what is it? It's unique to the islands.

Cranberry juice and Dr.

Pepper.

Adieu.

Oh, thank you.

Hmm.

That's all we get? The rest is your dinner.

I told you we should have ate on a plane.

And now, to tell you the story of the islands.

Here are the lovely, sweet Leilani and Wiley Rose, the dancing landlady.

As you know, every movement in the Rula has a meaning all of its own.

Rose is saying goodbye to her boyfriend.

Well, what is Sandra doing? Because she definitely ain't saying goodbye.

And now...

The lovely ladies will tell the history of the islands.

For thousands of years, the natives had the islands all to themselves.

But from far across the sea, the missionaries came.

Sheraton, Hilton, Hyatt, and Motel 6.

I'm waiting for the aftershock.

Well, here it is.

And now, as an extra special treat, at no additional cost to you, the lush Hula

Palms Hotel is proud to present the Queen of the Islands.

Formerly married to King Kamehameha I, II, and IV.

What happened to King Kamehameha III?

Oh, we were just good old friends.

Queen Pearl, would you like to welcome the Jenkins to the island?

Mary, Lester, in your honor, we're going to do a lulu.

Luau. And now it's your time for the limbo, ma.

Limbo!

All right.

How low can you go?

Yeah.

I just want to say I think it's wonderful that in a time like this you

think of doing something like this for us.

We really appreciate your friendship.

Right, Lester, you want to say something?

It's cold.

Come to think of it, it is cold. It's unusual for Hawaii.

Uh -oh.

I think the heat's gone out in this apartment, too. All right, Lou, let's go

back to the mainland and see if we can fix these heaters. No, thanks.

What? I'd be happy to help you.

And I'm including the two years I spent with the insurance salesman.

The radio said it was five below outside.

Then quick, somebody open the window and let some of that warm air in here.

I thought that we'd eat.

Oh, I think we better wait, Calvin.

We've only got one can of smoked oysters left.

I think we should wait, too.

Is he back home?

Close the door!

I guess not. Well, I've done everything I can think of.

We just gotta hang tight till the repairman get here. Well, I guess we

well make the best of it.

At least we've got our family and our friends together.

Yeah. I fixed it! The heat's back on in all the apartments!

Except this one.

Oh, the heat!

Well,

now I know where the term fair weather friends came from.

Hey, aren't you two gonna come?

What, and leave Hawaii?

And just what are we going to do for heat?

Just leave that to me, baby.

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