Original subtitles

There's no place like home.

With your family around you, you're never alone.

When you know that's your love, you don't need to roam.

Cause there's no place like home.

Times are changing.

Every day, we won't get by with those same old ways.

Pulling together, we'll make it right.

With help from our friends, I know we can fly. Cause there's no place like

With your family around you, you're never alone.

Well, you know that in love, you don't need to roam. Cause there ain't no place

like home.

I mean, no place, child.

Hey, babe.

You sure you don't mind me leaving you here alone?

You ask me that every Monday night.

Now, suppose I told you I didn't want you to watch Monday night football with

the guy.

Then I wouldn't be able to tell him what a nice, understanding, wonderful wife I

have.

You got enough hot air in you to blow up that blimp.

When I get back tonight, I'll wake you for a little post -game wrap -up.

Hey, bro.

Oh.

I thought the guys were going to watch the game here tonight.

That's next week, Pearl.

Oh.

I was hoping for some cold cuts.

I've got last week's Dynasty on videotape. You want to come down and

thought your VCR was playing too fast.

Oh, it is.

But we can double the date.

And half the time.

No, thank you.

Well, if you're interested, I rented the Terminator.

You sound desperate.

Can't you think of anything else to do tonight?

Mom, I finished my homework, so I'm going down to Tiffany's to listen to

records. Okay.

Oh, you need a DJ?

Well,

it's all on tape, Miss Shea.

Sorry.

I got somewhere to go and something to do with me.

Oh, Pearl, now you've got to start doing things.

Why don't you maybe join an aerobics class?

Oh, I hate seeing all those old fat fannies in tights.

Well, they got a lot of young fannies in tights, too. I hate them the worst.

Oh, well, don't worry about me.

I guess I'll go on and go to bed early.

Oh, for the good old days.

when going to bed was for more than sleeping.

Oh, wait a minute, Pearl.

I got an idea.

Why don't I round up Rose and maybe we'll have ourselves a ladies' night

Call it a girls' night out. Seems like more fun.

Where are we going? I don't know.

Maybe Rose will think of something.

Rose, this is a bar. It's a nightclub, Mary. Come on, come on.

How did you know about this place, Rose?

Oh, word gets around.

Hey, Rose.

Good to see you again.

Sounds like more than word gets around.

Would you care to dance?

Uh, well, I don't know. We just came in.

No sense in making that pretty dress sitting down.

He does have a point.

The can of mace in my purse, babe.

I tell you, you meet the strangest people in these places.

Ooh,

look at that.

See what I mean?

The bingo parlors down the street.

Who are you here with?

Everyone.

And it's only 8 .30.

I just met this cute little chiropractor. I was telling him about

back problem of mine, you know. You don't have no chronic back problem.

You do if you want to meet a cute little chiropractor.

Let's go home and watch The Terminator. No, no, I need a rest.

Let's grab a table.

Grab is the operative word in this crowd.

Move over, girl. You're blocking my view.

Ooh, look out, Pearl.

It's kind of cute.

Then go over there and introduce yourself.

You don't introduce yourself to a stranger in a nightclub.

Well, I do.

Mary, you are such a kid. Oh, joy.

Get with it. These are the 80.

And men approached the lady.

In my day, they clubbed them over the head and dragged them into a can.

Mmm. I like that.

Pearl, think of this as a cafeteria.

You see something you want, you pick it up.

She can't do that.

She's a dignified, classy lady.

Who hasn't been out for a while.

Show him some legs.

Show him some class.

Now she's the picture of dignity.

Hey, are you going to ask me to dance or what?

Oh, Rose, I still don't think we should have let Felix bring her home.

After all, what do we know about him?

Oh, Mary's got a platinum Visa card.

Hi, Mary Rose. Hi.

Say, Mary, what are you doing up this late?

Hi, honey.

I just spent a relaxing night out with the girls. And just exactly where did

relax until 11 .30 at night?

Well, at this quaint little place called the Stomping Grounds. That pickup

joint?

How do you know that?

Oh, a word gets around?

Excuse me, Mrs. Jenkins.

Is my grandmother with you?

Oh, she went out tonight and she hasn't quite made it back yet.

At this hour?

Oh, Calvin, someone else is bringing her home.

Good night, Joe. Night.

I hope that Felix can be trusted. Who's Felix?

Her date.

Her date?

Oh, this is heavy. Grandma hasn't had a date since the Supremes broke up.

Excuse us a minute.

Honey.

I'm worried about Pearl.

I mean, Felix is a stranger. We don't know anything about him. All right,

After Pearl goes to sleep tonight, we'll dust her for fingerprints.

You're a lot of help.

Mary, I trust Pearl's judgment, and she obviously thought he was a nice man.

That's just a first impression.

Now, suppose he turns out to be an escaped convict and forces her into a

crime.

Then we'll sell the movie rights, and I can buy that sports car.

Come on, Mary. She'll be here soon.

Calvin, come on.

You know, when I first started feeling really old, when my granddaughter had

first kid.

Well, a man who dances like you isn't old.

Oh, Pearl.

You're a wonderful, sexy little kitten.

And you're a tiger.

It's been a perfect night.

Dancing at the stomping grounds, strolling by the Lincoln Memorial.

Yes, it's so nice spending time with someone your own age for a change.

How did you know I'm your age?

I was talking about Lincoln.

Well, say, what am I going to do with you?

Well, you can kiss me goodnight. That's what you can do.

You'd better.

Pearl, Shay, we've been worried sick.

What have you been doing? That is, besides kissing.

Oh, you saw that, huh?

Not bad for an old lady, huh?

Where have you been?

Heaven.

What were you and Felix doing in heaven?

Raised in hell.

Pearl.

Oh, it was so romantic.

Walking along the Potomac.

Holding hands.

Kissing. And oh, another thing.

We got engaged.

my fault.

If only I'd gone down to watch Dynasty, I'd be worried about Dominique now

instead of Pearl.

Lester, I'm telling you, that man is after something.

At his age? I think that's great.

Oh, Mary, relax.

For once in your life, can't you let whatever's happening happen without your

help? Honey, they met on Monday, and they're getting married on Sunday.

It took us four years to get married. That's because it was three years before

your daddy would let me in your house.

Sanity in the family.

You know, you may have a point.

Lord knows how the kids would turn out.

Mary, Mary, Santa's come up with the greatest idea.

The three of us are going to give Pearl a wedding shower.

The three of us are going to do no such thing.

What is the matter with you two? We have a crisis here.

Mary, please.

That's ridiculous is what it is. You mean you actually approve of a woman

marrying a man she met in a bar only a few days earlier?

Yes.

You'd do it, wouldn't you, Sandra?

Oh, heavens no.

There's too many men and too little time.

Lester, what do you think about all this? My name is Les. I'm not in that

Well, I'll give you my opinion. If you ask me, they're moving much too fast.

Oh, Mary, come on.

I've had three men propose to me in one night.

Yes, but what did they propose?

Rose, when Mary is through degrading all that's decent and good on this planet,

would you tell her the shower's at my place tomorrow?

Dress is casual.

But let's not get carried away.

I would borrow something from you, but I don't want my knees growing together.

There isn't going to be a wedding. Mary, not even you can stop love.

There's sour arrangements to be made. Oh, I have the awful burden of

interviewing several male exotic dancers.

Oh, wait for me, Sandra.

Why should the whole burden fall on you?

Honey, did you hear that?

Mary, aren't you going overboard with this?

You have a short memory. Remember Aunt Esther?

Aunt Esther?

Mary, that was 20 years ago.

So is the same story.

She met a man on Sunday, married him on Monday, and he took off with all her

money on Tuesday.

Maybe he wanted something to remember her by.

I'm sorry, baby, but you can't compare Esther to Pearl.

Esther had the IQ of an ice cube, and the cube was melting fast.

We're not talking about brains.

Love is blind, and I am not going to let the same thing happen to Pearl.

Promise me you will mind your own business.

Promise me.

Hi. Remember me? I was sitting here last night.

You know a man that goes by the name of Felix.

Does he prey on women?

Takes all their money, right?

Good, now we're getting somewhere.

Tell me everything you know about him. Buenas tardes, señora.

Gracias.

Big help.

What do you have?

I need some answers.

That's George Washington.

No, no, I'm looking for information.

He was the first president of the United States.

Give me back my doll. All right, all right. What's on your mind?

Well, see, I was here the other night.

Oh, yeah, Rose's friend.

Right, and I was with my other friend. Oh, yeah, Sandra.

No, no, she was the elderly lady, and she met this elderly man.

Got picked up, did she?

Give me the doll.

All right, okay.

Do you know what you can get for harboring a fugitive?

More than a dollar.

What's in those peanuts?

There's a bug in those peanuts! Oh, look, the lady's only kidding.

All right, you win. Now, now, what do you want?

All right, he goes by the name of Phoenix.

He's about medium build and maybe about 75 years old.

Yeah? You notice anything strange about him?

He likes older women.

See that bug again? Uh, hey, lady, look, the guy's new around here.

I knew it. He's on the run.

No, no, no. I think he's a nice guy.

Really?

Well, that's a relief.

Yeah, but then again, you know, the way people come and go around here, for all

I know, he could be Jack the Ripper.

Hey, babe, I'm home.

Lester, don't be calling me babe in front of my boyfriend.

Lester, this is Felix, my fiance.

Hi, Felix. A pleasure to meet you. Glad to meet you, sir.

It's so nice of you to have us to dinner.

Uh, yes.

Dinner is a pleasant surprise.

Um, excuse me.

Mary, you know how I hate surprises.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I tried to call you at your office, but you'd gone

already. Guess what? I didn't find out anything from that bartender. What

bartender? Donovan Brown.

You and Rose went back to that pickup joint again?

No, I went.

Alone?

Woman, is your brain on hold?

Didn't I tell you to mind your own business?

Oh, honey, I just wanted to help Pearl and find out something about that Felix.

And did you?

No, I didn't find anything out. Honey, we have got to get him alone.

And how do you plan to do that?

Well, I'll get her to come in here and look at a recipe, and then you can... Uh

-uh, Mary. I'm not going to be the one to grill that little old man.

I'm not asking you to grill him. Just ask him a few simple man -to -man

questions. Like what?

Like, does he go to church? And how is he going to support her? And has he ever

been convicted of a felony?

Same questions I'll ask Brenda when she brings some guy home, huh?

Right. It'll be good practice.

Anyway, this family has a son who thinks he's a chicken.

And a friend says, why don't you get psychiatric help for him?

And the family says, hey, man.

We need the eggs.

Hey, y 'all having a good time?

Yeah.

Pearl, come in. I want to show you a luscious new recipe.

Okay. I'll be right back.

You know, if Eddie Murphy could tell a joke like that, maybe he'd have a

Oh, he sure is funny.

Bess can't show I haven't held a season, aren't they?

Well, I don't know.

I haven't followed football since they went to 11 men.

Well, that takes care of the NFL.

Look, Felix, I got to level with you. I'm supposed to grill you for Mary.

Hey, I understand.

You know, she's playing mother of the bride. You know the routine.

Look, we can save ourselves a lot of time if you just open up and tell me

everything, like, uh, did your wife die of natural causes?

Look, Pearl, you just met a stranger, and he swept you off your feet, that's

all. Now, suppose you get on your honeymoon and discover that you hated

Now, is it fair to expect a man you hate to spend all that money on a honeymoon?

Oh, is that what's bothering you? Don't worry about it. I'm paying for the

honeymoon.

That's ridiculous.

What kind of man lets a woman pay for her own honeymoon?

Well, his money's all tied up in investments.

And you believe that?

Mary Jenkins, I don't want any more of your meddling.

Pearl.

Don't you pearl me.

I'm as ashamed of you.

Has Lester here been pumping you for information?

Of course he has.

Come on, we're leaving.

Oh, how did my wife die?

I killed her with a brick.

He killed her with a brick?

He's kidding, Mary. He's a nice man.

Oh, yeah?

Did you know he's making her pay for the honeymoon?

He's not only nice, he's smart.

The wedding's about to start.

I told you I am not going.

You're a woman. You can change your mind.

It's not my mind.

She crossed my name off the invitation.

Mr. Jenkins, a big X, and Brenda Jenkins.

Well, Mom, you and Mr. Shea have been friends for a long time.

I don't care, Brenda. I am not going where I'm not wanted.

Y 'all just take the present and go. This is ridiculous. You're going. No,

not. Yes, you are going.

Cut off! You put on a lavender dress. No, I'm... Rose is wearing lavender.

Calvin, wasn't it a beautiful wedding?

It sure was.

What did you like best about the ceremony?

The cake and the little hot dogs.

Here they come.

Get ready, everybody.

Oh, this is so exciting.

Single women.

Gather around to catch the bouquet.

All right, it's every man for himself.

I hope it's me.

Brenda, touch those flowers and you die.

Here we go.

All right, you two, let's get you to the

airport.

and loans you his hanky.

Before you know it, lunch.

You know, I cried weddings, too.

That's because you scrape your knees diving for the bouquet.

I'll get it.

You go over those equations.

Well, look who's back from our honeymoon. Let me kiss the bride.

What's the matter?

I'm afraid I have some terrible news.

What is it? My Felix passed away.

Oh, no.

Pearl, I'm so sorry.

He died in his sleep.

Pearl! Oh, am I glad you're back.

Listen, I want to apologize for the way I talked about Felix. I just jumped to

conclusions and didn't even give the poor man a chance.

Well, where is he? I want him to hear this, too.

Mary, Felix is gone.

Oh, Pearl, I'm so sorry.

How much money did he get?

Mary, Felix died.

Oh, my God.

Honey, why didn't you stop me before opening my big mouth?

I've been trying to do that for many years.

Pearl, I had no idea. Please forgive me. Is there anything we can do for you?

Well, Calvin could use some cheering up.

Come on, Brenda, let's take a walk.

Pearl, I can't tell you how sorry I am.

About my loss or the way you acted like a jerk?

Both.

Well, I'm sorry, too.

You know, Felix made me realize that the reason you acted the way you did was

because you cared about me.

Oh, Pearl, anything you need, you just ask. And I won't let you down this time,

I promise. Thanks, Mary.

I can't believe it. This is such a shock.

I mean, Felix is here one day and gone the next.

Well, actually, Mary, I knew he was dying.

You did?

He didn't want anyone to know besides me, and we felt that at least he'd have

couple of more months.

So that's why you married him so fast.

No.

Felix was a wonderful man, and I just couldn't bear the thought of him dying

alone.

I do know about loneliness.

Well, at least you made him happy.

It was a wonderful week.

Pearl, listen.

I want you to know something.

You never have to be lonely around here.

I mean, we're here any time you need us.

And even when you don't.

Thank you, Mary.

You know, I wish Felix could have gotten to know you better.

He would have really liked you.

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