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- Attention, Black Holes.
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As you know, it's homecoming week.
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For those making floats, don't forget this year's theme:
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"A Midsummer's Nightmare on Crenshaw."
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- Aye, I love homecoming.
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Thirsties be ready to smash.
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- Anything that gots the words "ho" and "coming" in it
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is cool in my book.
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- Now that Cindy's finally cut Randy,
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I'ma she if she tryin' to double dribble
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these balls at homecoming.
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- Basically, you're going to the dance No Hope Solo.
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- Quit hating, Fatty Wap.
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I bet I get a date before you.
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- There you are, you little fruity snitch!
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- Oh, my god.
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Randy, don't make a scene.
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- You're the reason Cindy broke up with me!
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How dare you tell her
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that my sexuality is complicated?
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- Ain't nothing complicated
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about you liking men, boo boo.
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- Well, there's nothing complicated
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about kicking your ass.
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- Oh, shit.
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It looks like Cindy's boy is getting punked.
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We should help him.
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- Andre bigger than all of us.
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She don't need no help.
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- Somebody should help her do a better job
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tucking that meat print, homey.
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- First of all, pause.
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Second of all, if I stick up for Cindy's boy,
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hopefully she'll let me stick it up in her.
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Shum on.
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- Kick his ass, Randy.
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He on some Michael Sam type shit.
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- Let him go, buster.
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Hating on someone 'cause they're gay
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is like me hating on you 'cause you gay.
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students: Boo!
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- I'll suck his dick.
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I mean, "boo!"
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- I'm not a homophobe.
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That's why I'm getting in his ass.
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I mean, I'm getting in his ass
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because I'm not gay.
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I mean, fuck you guys.
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- Wow, I didn't know you were woke, Grover.
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Open-minded men are so sexy.
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- I'm opened minded as hell,
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Shit, I almost cried when George Michael died.
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- Yeah, gay nigs are straight...
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- What?
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- Damn, Andre pimp hand is strong.
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He hang out with all the rainbow tasties.
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- Yeah, dem fruit flies is nice.
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Did you see how they were treating us?
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- And just wait till they see us in our new shirts.
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- Hey, Grover.
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I can't thank you enough
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for doing what you did earlier.
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You know, it takes a real man to stand up to bullying.
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- Don't sweat it, Andre.
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You know you'll always be our nig.
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- Mmm. Okay.
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- Grover, you guys are F.A.G.s too?
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- Yeah, we some big fags.
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- And we proud of it, homey.
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- Of course. I told you I was woke.
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I can't stand to see my Fairykhan nigs hated on.
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- Oh, really?
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Well, I'm running for homecoming queen.
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Keep it up, and who knows--
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maybe you'll be my king.
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- Shit, more like a Sacramento King.
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- Just to let you know,
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we're doing a gay pride float
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for the homecoming parade.
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You guys should all be on my, um...
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Staff.
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Kidding!
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No, I'm not.
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- Eww! Dis nigga.
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- We'll be there.
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- Great! Tootles!
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- See you later, New Booty.
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- Mwah!
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- I got Oxy. - I'm good.
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- I got Percs and Zanys.
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- No, thank you. I'm fine.
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- No white lady's ever fine!
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I see cuts on arm.
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This make pain go away.
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Make everything okay for six hour.
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- Fuck off, Tokyo Drift.
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- Man, we been at it all day
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and ain't made no money yet.
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What's going on?
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It's not like white middle-aged women
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suddenly got self-esteem and happiness.
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- I'm no detective and stuff, but maybe
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it has something to do with that over there.
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girl scouts: Girl Scout Cookies.
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Girl Scout Cookies.
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- Look, Boss.
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They're full of gluten, MSG, and sugar,
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the most addictive drug on planet.
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- Man, they should be handing out
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insulin with each box.
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- That diabetes is no joke, ese.
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It took my mom's cleaning arm.
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- Are you kidding? Slingin' on my block?
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Come on.
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all: Look left. Look right.
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Not a car in sight.
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- Aye, who you supposed to be?
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- My name is Sarah Runningwater,
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and we're a part of the original Girl Scouts.
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- OGS on mine, my Injun.
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- Well, I'm Malik, and the only tribe around here is Quest.
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And this is my pipeline, Dakota.
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- Well, Boondocks, this is my land.
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And we're not giving it up again.
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- You must be on that firewater
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if you think you can come on my block
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selling those over-processed baked goods.
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I been slangin' here since I was six,
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and I have no reservations about moving you.
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- We're not going anywhere.
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- Nah, see, you got a choice.
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Either you kick rocks
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or we gonna turn y'all into red dots.
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So what's it gonna be?
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- All right, Little Brown Running Mouth,
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you win...
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for now.
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- I love your skirt, Jamal.
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Way to tear down masculine paradigms.
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- Yeah, Jaden Smith wears one,
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and ain't no better role models
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than celebrities' childrens.
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- You're cute, Jamal.
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You know, if we got married,
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I would let you take my last name.
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- You fine too, Hillary.
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Oh, shit!
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I think Hillary gon' let me fuck...
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raw.
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- It's so nice to meet cisgendered boys
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at Duncan who are ahead of the curve.
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So what got you interested in the LGBTQ struggle?
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- Oh... uh...
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My bitch-ass stepdad is gay.
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He got aids and everything else, too.
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- Oh, you poor thing.
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Here, let me give you a hug.
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- Oh, shit, Rachel gonna let me fuck...
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raw.
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- And I think we should have transgender bathrooms.
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When you don't know whether to sit or stand,
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it's your choice.
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- Me too!
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You know, I thought all you hoopers were the same:
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just a bunch of idiots
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that only think with their penises.
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But you're different.
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- Oh, shit, Cindy gonna let Grover fuck her.
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- Raw.
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Excuse me.
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I'm sorry, but can y'all
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pick up the pace a little bit?
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I mean, we are totes behind sched.
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- Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
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In a minute.
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- What's it gonna be for you, Debbie, the usual?
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- I would, but, um...
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the little red-skinned girl with the cookies
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told me that if I buy from you,
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she's gonna scalp my cookie supply.
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Sorry, these cookies are the shit.
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- I can't believe this is happening.
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- Man, look at all these fat people.
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When did my hood become WalMart?
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And where the heck is Pete and Rodrigo?
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- Ah, rats, they forgot Boss toy.
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This Nappy Meal suppose to come with switchblade
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and a box of bullets.
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I be back.
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- How! What's up, Rodrigo?
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- What do you want and stuff, Pechanga?
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- Look, I know Malik and I
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got off on the wrong black foot.
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Take this peace offering, free of charge.
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- Orale, I love cookies.
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- If you want more, you know where to find me.
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- Hey, guys, we're gonna go get waxed.
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You wanna come?
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guys: Yes!
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- Exsqueeze me?
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Where the hell do y'all think y'all going?
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The fringe still needs to be festooned.
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- Too bad, New Booty.
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We only wax once a year.
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Maybe next time.
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- What the fuck, Rainbow Raheem?
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We could finish this fruity shit tomorrow.
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- You know, I'm starting to think
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that you guys don't really care about gay people.
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- That's not true.
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We love the gays.
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Hell, we even watched half of an episode of "Insecure."
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I might even smash Issa Rae.
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He got some feminine qualities.
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- Oh, yeah?
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What's the name of Beyoncé's third album?
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- Uh... "Lemonade"?
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- Wrong!
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Everybody knows it's "Sasha Fierce"!
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Y'all ain't Queer as Folk.
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Y'all are frauds!
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You guys are using me to get...
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Vajayjay!
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Ugh!
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You know what? I'm calling Cindy right now.
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- Whoa, chill! - No, no, no, no, no.
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- We sorry!
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- Yeah, don't snitch on us, bruh.
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Our skeet depend on this.
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- We'll do anything, man.
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Please.
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- Anything?
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Somebody gonna get fucked...
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raw.
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- More pastels, Milk!
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And, Grover,
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don't be so damn butch with the glitter!
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Hurry! I want perfection, boys.
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- Come on, man.
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We been working all day.
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- You guys want bitches?
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Well, bitches cost.
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And here is where you start paying for it.
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In glitter and sweat.
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Whoo!
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Now back to work!
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- I gotta admit, I liked fingering his box
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more than I thought.
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Here goes nothing.
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- It's glorious!
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- Man, you giving the fruit game a black eye.
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This shit's embarrassing.
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- Embarrassing?
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This is an assterpiece, honey.
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And it's going to get me more likes on Instaham
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than that basic bitch Cindy.
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- Man, we did what you wanted.
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Now do you promise not to cock block us?
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- Okay, let's get one thing straight, boo boo.
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Andre don't block cocks.
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- Man, enough of this dick chat.
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You gon' keep your word or what?
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- Oh, no, no, no, no, darlings.
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We've only just begun.
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From now on, you three are my slaves.
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Y'all gonna help me get something
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I have always wanted.
268
00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:46,100
You're gonna help me become
269
00:08:46,100 --> 00:08:51,233
homecoming queen.
270
00:08:51,233 --> 00:08:53,067
- Man, we ain't doing that shit.
271
00:08:53,067 --> 00:08:54,300
- Oh, really?
272
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:57,867
Then how about I go up to Cindy and tell her
273
00:08:57,867 --> 00:09:00,833
that y'all ain't nothing but a bunch of homophobes.
274
00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:03,067
Then you will never get up inside of her
275
00:09:03,067 --> 00:09:04,467
between-me-down-there.
276
00:09:04,467 --> 00:09:06,500
So what's it gonna be, gentlemens?
277
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,067
- Dis nigga.
278
00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:12,933
- I can't wait until Andre leave us alone.
279
00:09:12,933 --> 00:09:15,800
He made me stay up all night bedazzling his posters.
280
00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:18,167
- At least he didn't make you proofread his Grindr page.
281
00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:20,667
This fuckin' Pop-Tart can't spell cream pie.
282
00:09:20,667 --> 00:09:22,267
Where the fuck Jamal?
283
00:09:23,667 --> 00:09:25,567
- Ladies and gentlemen,
284
00:09:25,567 --> 00:09:27,600
the next homecoming queen.
285
00:09:53,833 --> 00:09:55,400
Can I go now? - No.
286
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,067
You better hand out these flyers.
287
00:09:57,067 --> 00:09:59,167
Vote for me for homecoming queen
288
00:09:59,167 --> 00:10:01,667
because that's what I identify as.
289
00:10:01,667 --> 00:10:04,333
If you don't, you're a shitty person!
290
00:10:05,433 --> 00:10:06,500
- Vote for Cindy!
291
00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:07,600
Preacher's daughter!
292
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,000
Always sweet!
293
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,233
- You know what's not sweet?
294
00:10:10,233 --> 00:10:11,700
Her ass.
295
00:10:11,700 --> 00:10:14,433
Child, her colon blows up more shit than Boko Haram.
296
00:10:14,433 --> 00:10:16,667
I hate your guts right now,
297
00:10:16,667 --> 00:10:18,833
but that was pretty funny.
298
00:10:18,833 --> 00:10:22,333
- You look totes fab, you smoking hot bitch!
299
00:10:22,333 --> 00:10:23,500
- Thanks. You too.
300
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:25,067
Look, Dre, I just want to say
301
00:10:25,067 --> 00:10:26,667
that I'm very proud of you for
302
00:10:26,667 --> 00:10:28,833
jumping in the race at the last minute.
303
00:10:28,833 --> 00:10:30,000
And no matter what happens,
304
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,600
this won't come between us.
305
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:32,667
I promise.
306
00:10:32,667 --> 00:10:33,833
Cross my heart.
307
00:10:33,833 --> 00:10:36,400
- Of course, girl. Good luck!
308
00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,833
- You know what she should cross is her legs.
309
00:10:38,833 --> 00:10:40,100
All that hair?
310
00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:41,333
It's like Colin Kaepernick
311
00:10:41,333 --> 00:10:43,100
passed out in her damn lap.
312
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,933
- That jacket is fab, my nigga.
313
00:10:44,933 --> 00:10:48,267
Is it for bottoms only or can tops get it, too?
314
00:10:48,267 --> 00:10:49,600
- You wish.
315
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,267
With those hideous shoulders?
316
00:10:51,267 --> 00:10:53,333
Hells no.
317
00:10:53,333 --> 00:10:54,533
Now be gone.
318
00:10:58,400 --> 00:10:59,767
- Bitch.
319
00:10:59,767 --> 00:11:02,667
- Real talk, Andre getting on my last nerve.
320
00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:04,233
He lucky he's got them beezys.
321
00:11:04,233 --> 00:11:06,333
I'm this close to getting a progressive hand job, my nig.
322
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:10,933
- Are we homophobic if we call him an asshole?
323
00:11:10,933 --> 00:11:11,933
What about a dick?
324
00:11:11,933 --> 00:11:12,933
- I don't know.
325
00:11:12,933 --> 00:11:14,067
I think anything with a dick
326
00:11:14,067 --> 00:11:15,433
or an ass is off-limits, though.
327
00:11:15,433 --> 00:11:17,067
- Ahh, shit. Here he come.
328
00:11:17,067 --> 00:11:19,767
- Jesus, this place is disgusting.
329
00:11:19,767 --> 00:11:21,067
Now, listen, bitches.
330
00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:23,333
I have one more job for you to do.
331
00:11:23,333 --> 00:11:25,767
I need you to break in to the principal's office
332
00:11:25,767 --> 00:11:27,833
and stuff my ballot box.
333
00:11:29,267 --> 00:11:30,300
Here's the key.
334
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:31,567
- What?
335
00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:32,900
I thought you said this was a small job.
336
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:34,167
- Look, y'all do this for me,
337
00:11:34,167 --> 00:11:35,500
and I'll leave you alone forever.
338
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:36,633
No more blackmail.
339
00:11:36,633 --> 00:11:37,833
I'll even put in a good word
340
00:11:37,833 --> 00:11:39,333
with Cindy and the rest of them hags.
341
00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:41,933
One good word from a gay BFF, child,
342
00:11:41,933 --> 00:11:43,633
and those panties drop.
343
00:11:43,633 --> 00:11:45,100
- That's not cool, Transparent.
344
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:47,367
My boo Cindy has dreamed of being homecoming queen
345
00:11:47,367 --> 00:11:48,933
since she got to high school.
346
00:11:48,933 --> 00:11:50,933
- It's a win for you, Grover.
347
00:11:50,933 --> 00:11:54,100
When she loses, she'll be crying and snotin'
348
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:56,667
like Viola Davis during allergy season.
349
00:11:56,667 --> 00:11:59,767
She's going to need someone to make her feel better.
350
00:11:59,767 --> 00:12:01,267
Cue Grover.
351
00:12:01,267 --> 00:12:03,100
Do we have a deal, gentlemen?
352
00:12:04,567 --> 00:12:06,167
- What happened to Rodrigo?
353
00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:08,533
- They got him hooked on the white stuff, boss.
354
00:12:09,833 --> 00:12:11,200
- Damn. It's worse than I thought.
355
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:13,400
They're using 100% uncut Louisiana sugar,
356
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:15,267
the melanated man's Kryptonite.
357
00:12:15,267 --> 00:12:17,733
- Whoo, that's a powerful black cookie, my man.
358
00:12:17,733 --> 00:12:20,267
- Come on, Rodrigo, we're gonna get you cleaned up.
359
00:12:26,233 --> 00:12:27,600
- I can't believe I'm selling out
360
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,133
my future boo like this.
361
00:12:29,133 --> 00:12:31,367
All she ever wanted was to be homecoming queen.
362
00:12:31,367 --> 00:12:34,167
- Look, we all gotta get our nuts any way we can.
363
00:12:34,167 --> 00:12:35,500
Remember, when she loses,
364
00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:37,100
you can give her a dick to cry on.
365
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:39,433
- Shit, I can't wait to smash Hillary.
366
00:12:39,433 --> 00:12:42,533
Her coochie may be woke, but when I'm done with it,
367
00:12:42,533 --> 00:12:44,200
it gon' be sleep.
368
00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,133
- All right students,
369
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:49,867
it's time to announce this year's homecoming queen.
370
00:12:49,867 --> 00:12:53,200
With 114% of the vote,
371
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:55,933
your new homecoming queen is,
372
00:12:55,933 --> 00:12:57,300
drumroll, please...
373
00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:00,100
Andre!
374
00:13:05,067 --> 00:13:06,500
- Congratulations.
375
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:09,633
Please come up and say something briefly.
376
00:13:09,633 --> 00:13:11,500
Also, as per tradition,
377
00:13:11,500 --> 00:13:15,167
please announce who you've selected for homecoming king.
378
00:13:15,167 --> 00:13:16,833
This should be interesting.
379
00:13:16,833 --> 00:13:19,767
- First and foremost, I'd like to thank me
380
00:13:19,767 --> 00:13:22,467
for having the courage to stand up here.
381
00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:24,267
- How the fuck did this happen?
382
00:13:24,267 --> 00:13:26,167
- It happened 'cause I'm the shit, bitch.
383
00:13:26,167 --> 00:13:28,667
I can shoot a bitch in the middle of the hallway,
384
00:13:28,667 --> 00:13:31,533
and they will still vote for me.
385
00:13:31,533 --> 00:13:32,933
Your reign is over.
386
00:13:35,333 --> 00:13:37,300
I run this school now!
387
00:13:38,767 --> 00:13:40,767
- I thought we were BFFs.
388
00:13:40,767 --> 00:13:42,700
- Well, you thought wrong.
389
00:13:42,700 --> 00:13:45,267
I did what I had to do to win.
390
00:13:45,267 --> 00:13:47,600
Hashtag Make Duncan fierce again.
391
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:48,600
Kill yourself, bitch.
392
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:53,433
And now I'd like to announce my king.
393
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,467
Can't talk, too gay for me,
394
00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:56,767
heard he doesn't wipe.
395
00:13:56,767 --> 00:13:57,967
I choose...
396
00:13:57,967 --> 00:13:59,367
Jamal!
397
00:13:59,367 --> 00:14:01,067
- I'm not gonna be his king!
398
00:14:01,067 --> 00:14:02,600
He's gay and crazy.
399
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,367
This motherfucker gazy.
400
00:14:04,367 --> 00:14:06,833
- I'm sorry, Jamal, but you have no choice.
401
00:14:06,833 --> 00:14:09,067
If you don't, it's discrimination.
402
00:14:09,067 --> 00:14:11,067
We don't want a lawsuit on our hands,
403
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:13,367
or worse, a concert by Lady Gaga.
404
00:14:13,367 --> 00:14:14,367
Ugh.
405
00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:15,833
- I guess you gettin' sued.
406
00:14:15,833 --> 00:14:17,167
Better lawyer up.
407
00:14:17,167 --> 00:14:18,667
- Tough titties, Jamal.
408
00:14:18,667 --> 00:14:20,167
You've been chosen.
409
00:14:20,167 --> 00:14:22,167
Andre, he's all yours.
410
00:14:22,167 --> 00:14:23,167
- No, no, no!
411
00:14:23,167 --> 00:14:25,067
I did not ask for this!
412
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:31,067
- This ain't the kinda nut Jamal wanted.
413
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:32,267
- Well, on the bright side,
414
00:14:32,267 --> 00:14:34,167
we ain't never gonna hear his fart again.
415
00:14:34,167 --> 00:14:36,500
- I can't let him do my boo Cindy like this.
416
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,433
First, Cindy gets played,
417
00:14:38,433 --> 00:14:40,267
now he's holding Jamal's asshole hostage?
418
00:14:40,267 --> 00:14:41,533
We gotta straighten this gay guy out.
419
00:14:44,833 --> 00:14:46,533
- I'm glad y'all came to me.
420
00:14:46,533 --> 00:14:48,700
Look, there's a difference between being
421
00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:52,600
a proud gay like me and a sass like he is.
422
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,267
He ain't nothing but a bully.
423
00:14:54,267 --> 00:14:56,900
- Shit, more like a dick-tator.
424
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:58,500
- We gotta take that motherfucker down
425
00:14:58,500 --> 00:14:59,700
and get our boy back.
426
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:01,500
- Okay, the first thing we need to do
427
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,433
is restore the order of the school.
428
00:15:03,433 --> 00:15:05,933
Meet me at the gym before the parade starts.
429
00:15:05,933 --> 00:15:07,467
This time, we finish it.
430
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,133
- Cookie, cookie, cookie.
431
00:15:10,133 --> 00:15:11,633
Rah! I want cookie!
432
00:15:14,933 --> 00:15:16,100
- I don't want to go and stuff.
433
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:17,167
What are you doing, man?
434
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,467
Get off me, man. Get off me.
435
00:15:18,467 --> 00:15:19,767
What are you doing, ese?
436
00:15:19,767 --> 00:15:21,333
- They're gonna help you, Rodrigo!
437
00:15:21,333 --> 00:15:22,500
- Pinche cabron!
438
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,400
Chinga tu madre, guey!
439
00:15:30,633 --> 00:15:32,067
- Stick this in yo ear.
440
00:15:32,067 --> 00:15:34,533
- No way; I fell for that last time with Andre.
441
00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:35,767
- It's an earpiece.
442
00:15:35,767 --> 00:15:37,400
Now remember: just do what we say,
443
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:38,767
and we'll set you free.
444
00:15:38,767 --> 00:15:41,467
- Jamal, it's almost show time!
445
00:15:41,467 --> 00:15:42,467
- Okay, my nigs.
446
00:15:42,467 --> 00:15:43,667
But hurry!
447
00:15:43,667 --> 00:15:45,733
He already made me watch "Moonlight"
448
00:15:45,733 --> 00:15:46,800
twice!
449
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,100
I mean, it was shot well
450
00:15:48,100 --> 00:15:50,067
and the characters were very complex.
451
00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:51,567
Anyway, just hurry!
452
00:15:51,567 --> 00:15:52,767
Tootles.
453
00:15:52,767 --> 00:15:54,433
- Did this nig just say "tootles"?
454
00:15:54,433 --> 00:15:56,500
- Fuck, we better hurry before Count Cockula
455
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,200
turn him into a fruit bat.
456
00:16:00,233 --> 00:16:01,933
- Uh-oh. We got trouble, Chief.
457
00:16:01,933 --> 00:16:04,300
- Ah. Look who decided to crawl back.
458
00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:05,933
- I'm not crawling. I'm on two feet.
459
00:16:05,933 --> 00:16:07,067
And I told you.
460
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,767
This hood belongs to me.
461
00:16:09,767 --> 00:16:11,500
- Aww, what are you gonna do,
462
00:16:11,500 --> 00:16:12,767
hit a bunch of girls?
463
00:16:12,767 --> 00:16:15,200
- No, I raised myself not to hit women.
464
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:16,933
- So the block is ours then.
465
00:16:16,933 --> 00:16:18,933
- I said I can't hit a woman.
466
00:16:18,933 --> 00:16:20,267
But I know someone who can.
467
00:16:23,533 --> 00:16:24,700
- What's that?
468
00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:26,233
- One thing I learned in these streets:
469
00:16:26,233 --> 00:16:27,333
middle-aged white women...
470
00:16:27,333 --> 00:16:28,467
they don't like to get fat.
471
00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:38,400
- My fat ass had to buy jeggings this week.
472
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:39,767
- I broke my spanks.
473
00:16:39,767 --> 00:16:41,800
- I can't keep black guys off me.
474
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,433
Don't get me wrong, the sex is good,
475
00:16:43,433 --> 00:16:45,867
but I can't co-sign for another cell phone
476
00:16:45,867 --> 00:16:47,067
or studio time.
477
00:16:47,067 --> 00:16:49,267
I mean, you're 30. Get a job.
478
00:16:49,267 --> 00:16:50,867
No one wants your mixtape.
479
00:16:50,867 --> 00:16:52,967
Those cookies are evil!
480
00:16:52,967 --> 00:16:54,600
Yeah, you like that?
481
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,433
Oh, oh, how many of these products you gonna sell today?
482
00:16:57,433 --> 00:16:59,667
How about none?
483
00:17:01,167 --> 00:17:02,500
- Stop! Don't do it!
484
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:05,233
- Save your tears for the trail, bitch.
485
00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:09,300
- Thank you!
486
00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:10,867
Thank you!
487
00:17:10,867 --> 00:17:12,933
Oh, you're too kind.
488
00:17:12,933 --> 00:17:14,467
- Yay. We're progressive.
489
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,133
- Go, Andre and Jamal. - We love you.
490
00:17:18,367 --> 00:17:19,933
- Jamal, what is you doing?
491
00:17:19,933 --> 00:17:21,133
- Oh, my god!
492
00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:23,267
The music, it's infectious.
493
00:17:23,267 --> 00:17:25,133
And it's penetrating me.
494
00:17:25,133 --> 00:17:26,600
Hurry up, guys!
495
00:17:27,967 --> 00:17:29,267
- We better hurry.
496
00:17:29,267 --> 00:17:31,067
Jamal's tying his tuxedo shirt into a knot.
497
00:17:34,067 --> 00:17:35,733
- All right, all right. Keep it steady.
498
00:17:35,733 --> 00:17:36,767
Aim for the dress.
499
00:17:36,767 --> 00:17:37,967
- Hold up.
500
00:17:37,967 --> 00:17:39,200
Why are we shooting her dress again?
501
00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,100
- Because a queen is only as good as her gown.
502
00:17:42,100 --> 00:17:44,533
Telling me my shoulders are too wide for that jacket.
503
00:17:44,533 --> 00:17:47,100
Shit, I'll wear that nigga as a jacket.
504
00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,500
On my count.
505
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:50,167
Three, two...
506
00:17:50,167 --> 00:17:51,933
Aw, shit.
507
00:17:51,933 --> 00:17:53,733
- Damn it! Move, Jamal.
508
00:17:53,733 --> 00:17:55,067
We're gonna lose our chance.
509
00:17:55,067 --> 00:17:56,433
- I can't, it's too late.
510
00:17:56,433 --> 00:17:58,367
My hips don't lie.
511
00:17:58,367 --> 00:18:00,867
I'm a goner, my nigs.
512
00:18:00,867 --> 00:18:02,500
- We can't lose momentum, Grover.
513
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,167
I'ma have to take your boy out.
514
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:07,267
- No, if anyone's gonna do it, it's gonna be me.
515
00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:17,767
- Thank you.
516
00:18:17,767 --> 00:18:19,267
- Oh, so that's what we gonna do now?
517
00:18:19,267 --> 00:18:20,933
Well, when you come for the queen,
518
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,267
you bess not miss.
519
00:18:24,467 --> 00:18:26,100
- Damn, Dre keeps a strap on.
520
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,633
- Get that motherfucker.
521
00:18:31,967 --> 00:18:33,533
- Shit! We out of bullets.
522
00:18:33,533 --> 00:18:35,433
- Time for my contingency plan.
523
00:18:35,433 --> 00:18:37,500
Blackfish, are you in position?
524
00:18:39,767 --> 00:18:41,533
- First off, fuck you, nigga.
525
00:18:41,533 --> 00:18:43,633
Second of all, I'm ready to go.
526
00:18:43,633 --> 00:18:45,267
Take Jamal from me, shit?
527
00:18:45,267 --> 00:18:47,433
I'm the only man he'll ever need.
528
00:18:56,433 --> 00:18:57,933
No, no, no, no!
529
00:18:57,933 --> 00:18:59,533
Not the Vera Wang!
530
00:18:59,533 --> 00:19:00,900
I can't afford this!
531
00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:03,333
I was gonna return it tomorrow.
532
00:19:06,333 --> 00:19:07,767
What have you done?
533
00:19:07,767 --> 00:19:10,167
I'll be the laughingstock of all of Instaham!
534
00:19:10,167 --> 00:19:16,667
No!
535
00:19:23,733 --> 00:19:25,167
- Hell yeah, homey!
536
00:19:25,167 --> 00:19:26,667
It ain't a Midsummer's night on Crenshaw
537
00:19:26,667 --> 00:19:27,800
without a shoot-out.
538
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,067
- That went absolutely perfect.
539
00:19:29,067 --> 00:19:30,167
- Look at my outfit.
540
00:19:30,167 --> 00:19:31,167
My shoes are ruined.
541
00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:32,700
These colors don't match.
542
00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:34,067
I'm a hot mess.
543
00:19:35,067 --> 00:19:36,200
- Snap out of it, my nig.
544
00:19:36,200 --> 00:19:37,767
You don't have to be gay anymore.
545
00:19:37,767 --> 00:19:39,233
Thank you.
546
00:19:39,233 --> 00:19:42,100
Being gay is more complicated than you think.
547
00:19:42,100 --> 00:19:43,067
- Thank you!
548
00:19:47,967 --> 00:19:49,967
- Hey, it's good to have you back, Rodrigo.
549
00:19:49,967 --> 00:19:51,933
- That sugar is the worst drug ever, my man.
550
00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:53,633
- Thanks for looking out for me and stuff.
551
00:19:53,633 --> 00:19:55,300
I feel like a billion pesos.
552
00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:56,633
- I'm glad you're feeling better.
553
00:19:56,633 --> 00:19:58,533
Now the new word of the day is recoup.
554
00:19:58,533 --> 00:19:59,800
- What's that mean, boss?
555
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,267
- It means rehab ain't cheap.
556
00:20:01,267 --> 00:20:02,900
Now, go get my money.
557
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:04,000
- Cookie, cookie, cookie.
558
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,000
I want cookie.
559
00:20:07,633 --> 00:20:09,000
- I'm glad they suspended Andre
560
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,300
for rigging the election.
561
00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:11,400
- We saved Jamal.
562
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,400
We some gangster-ass mugs, my nig.
563
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,933
- Man, you ain't save shit.
564
00:20:15,933 --> 00:20:18,067
I'm still getting glitter out of my ass.
565
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:21,300
My toilet looks like Mardi Gras.
566
00:20:21,300 --> 00:20:22,633
Beads and all that.
567
00:20:22,633 --> 00:20:23,667
- Leave me alone!
568
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:26,033
- Should we do something?
569
00:20:26,033 --> 00:20:27,367
- Shit, keep walking.
570
00:20:27,367 --> 00:20:30,000
He may look weak, but he also may be an asshole.
571
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:34,633
- Oh, hi there. I'm Phil.
572
00:20:34,633 --> 00:20:36,567
I work here on "Legends of Chamberlain Heights."
573
00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:39,233
I'm also gay, or if you prefer "homo."
574
00:20:39,233 --> 00:20:40,967
Anyway, wasn't that a fun episode?
575
00:20:40,967 --> 00:20:42,433
We sure did laugh a lot today,
576
00:20:42,433 --> 00:20:43,800
but you know what isn't funny?
577
00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:46,233
Violence against people who dare to be different.
578
00:20:46,233 --> 00:20:48,067
You know, unless they're assholes and they deserve it.
579
00:20:48,067 --> 00:20:50,567
And that's the moral of today's story.
580
00:20:50,567 --> 00:20:52,000
Well, I'm gonna go suck a dick,
581
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,233
'cause apparently that's all the writers
582
00:20:53,233 --> 00:20:54,400
think I do all day.
583
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:55,400
Hope you learned something.
584
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,367
And remember, gay people are...
585
00:21:01,667 --> 00:21:04,467
- Bitch. Great.
586
00:21:04,467 --> 00:21:06,100
Toodles.
40090
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