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- We'll be back to our never-ending Madea marathon
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after a word from our sponsors.
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Chicken, nigga! Bwah! Bwah!
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Brrrrah! Yeah!
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Only at Wapeye's.
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- 1738!
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- Man, these rappers have so many diamonds in their mouth,
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you can't understand anything they're saying.
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- That's why it's called music.
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- Yeah, it ain't about the lyrics,
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it's about the emotion.
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- Lyrics is for white people anyways.
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- You under-educated negroes,
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and Milk, sadden me.
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You guys are perpetuating stereotypes
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by listening to this bogus mumble rap.
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This is exactly why my group Afroanonymous
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has been working around the globe
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to make black lives matter.
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- Man, why you always fuckin' up my high
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with all that positive
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"black people can do better" bullshit?
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- Yeah, you Steve Harvey-ass nig.
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Ahhh!
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- You talk a big game with
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all that militant mumbo-jumbo,
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but what have you done besides pay the rent?
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- And stock the fridge?
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- And pay child support?
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- Well, a Commandant from the Congo was so impressed
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by my Twitter hashtags
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that he wants my help overthrowing an evil dictator.
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So I'm going to Africa.
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- Little nigga, you eight!
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You can't just decide to go to Africa!
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Who gon' take care of me nigga, damn!?
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- This is the opportunity of a lifetime:
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a chance to go to the cradle of civilization,
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the source of humanity,
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the motherland... - Wapeye's?
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- Do you guys hear me?
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I'm gonna go do something Malcolm, Martin, and Spike Lee
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could never do: I'm gonna save Africa.
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- Aye caa, I got us some diamonds and chicken.
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- Gimme that! Slow down!
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Don't take all the good pieces!
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- Stay black.
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Word!
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- I can't believe Malik left you and Montrel
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at the crib by yourselves.
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- Yeah, me neither. That's neglectful.
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- But hold up, isn't this a good thing?
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- Yeah, with Malik out the way,
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we can finally get up on some THOT-y pimpin'.
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- Now we got a after-hours spot to take the breezies
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after Rochella's Freaks and Skeets party.
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- Now that I have your attention,
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I have bad news, guys.
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Due to a debatable tax evasion case,
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Uncle Sam put a boot on my house.
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So there's no party.
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- That sucks.
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- Now what are we gonna do?
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- Aw, man, I was gonna get my V-card punched at that party.
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- Again, bitch?
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- You hear that, Grove?
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Cindy was finna let us smash.
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- Hold up. What you mean, "us"? - Shotgun!
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- Don't you see this THOTportunity?
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We need to throw our own party.
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- I don't know, my nigs.
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My place is in the hood.
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The only parties that go down on my block
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is search parties.
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- True dat, but whoever throws
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the party of the year
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becomes legendary.
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- And you know with that home court advantage,
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you'll be able to take Cindy to your bed
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and show her your temperpenis.
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- Ooh, Cindy and Grover.
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- Uh, maybe I should have the party,
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because, you know, that's what popular students
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are supposed to do.
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And I'm the most popular guy here,
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- ManComeOnRandyYouTrippin Ain'tNobodyKnowAboutYou.
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- Hey, guys. I've got an announcement.
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- Hold on to that. I'ma let you finish.
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Hey, everybody, the party is back on...
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at Grover's house!
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all: Grover! Grover! Grover!
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- Oh, my goodness. I can't believe this.
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We're in Africa. Isn't this great?
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You're right. We should just take it all in.
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- And who are you?
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You cannot be one of my warriors.
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Your chest is small, your skin is soft,
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and you have both of your arms and feet.
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- I'm Malik from Afroanonymous.
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- Who? Oh, yes.
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The American revolutionary
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that gives good hashtags.
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You stay, how you say, "woke." - That's me.
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- As you were told, a powerful evil
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has descended upon the great continent of Africa,
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corrupting the minds of the people
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with its juvenile, ghetto, and questionable antics.
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Its ratchetry knows no bounds.
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We will require your great war strategies to conquer it.
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- Madea?! She's a fictitious character.
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- No, no, no.
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Tyler Perry is the fictitious one.
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Madea is very real.
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Sometimes she likes to dress as a straight man.
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She needs to be destroyed.
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- Wow, you want me to take out Madea?
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I won't just be saving Africa.
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I'll be saving all of Black culture!
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Ha, ha! Yeah!
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- I can't wait to try these new Dos Beckies.
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- This party gon' be legendary.
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The house is clean, the drinks is mean,
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and my meat's finna be seen.
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Bars! - Yep, we posin' to be chosen.
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And sippin' for a tippin'. Bars!
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- Yup, I'ma put my exclamation point
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in A'pos'trafee'a
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and my thumb in her semicolon.
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That's sexual grammar, homey.
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- Hey, y'all make yourselves at home.
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Don't mess up shit.
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I ain't trying to hear my little brother's mouth
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when he get back.
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- Yo casa es our casa, caa.
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- Hold up, 'Trel. I thought you was gonna
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smash that bad one in Diamond Bar.
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- Apparently "Flo-Rida's" in town again.
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Man, she say that bullshit
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around the same time every month.
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- Ain't no blood ever stop me, caa.
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- Well, I was thinking about having a few friends over.
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- Nigga, you wit all your friends.
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I'm in charge when our little brother's gone.
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Ya feel me?
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Me and the homies ain't goin' nowhere.
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- Aye, don't just stand there looking stupid.
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Hand your Crip one of them Dos Beckies.
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And not the red one, caa.
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Aye!
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- Nigga, you ain't got nothing on these.
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Ugh!
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- Montrel and his boys are eating all our eats
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and drinking all our drinks.
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There's not a chip left in the house.
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- The party's finna start, and these old-ass relics
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finna scare away all the beezies.
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Or worse, give 'em that antique dick.
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- Everybody calm down.
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I got an idea.
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- Yo.
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Hey, Montrel, guess who stopped bleeding?
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- Champika? - Yeah, baby.
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So if you're sitting on the couch smoking weed
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with a lot of dusty-ass, broke, ignorant niggas,
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y'all should get in the car
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and come to Diamond Bar
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and get some of this dirt star.
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- Oh word!
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- Aye, let's roll, caa. - Move it, move it.
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Oh caa, I got first, caa.
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Diamond Baaaa...
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Aaarrr!
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- I have the chance to take down
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that megalomaniac and restore value,
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self-respect, and awareness to the Black community.
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No more "Love and Hip-Hop."
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No more Wendy Williams.
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No more BET.
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I'll be a Civil Rights Legend.
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- Hellur! Hey, Oprah.
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We's about to make my 20th movie this week.
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No, I'm not wearing your dress.
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I am wearing her dress.
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I don't know where that dress is.
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Ask Gayle. I got a movie to shoot.
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Places, everyone. Places.
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- I have a new movie for you:
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"Madea Goes to Hell."
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- Too late. Already wrote it at lunch.
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Now where'd you come from, little nigga baby?
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- I'm Malik. I've been sent here to kill you.
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- Oh, this shit again?
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Why does every Brillo pad head muthafucka wanna kill me?
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Lee Daniels, Stedman Graham, and for some reason,
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the delectable Odell Beckham, Jr.
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I don't know what I do to him.
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Oh, wait, now I remember.
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I'm so bad.
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So look, nigga baby,
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you go wait up there in the castle
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while I finish these two movies,
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and we can chat about all this killing and whatnot.
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Michael Jai White, take him away.
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- Yo, bro, this party lit, homey!
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- Now all I need is Cindy to see that I'm the man.
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- Why you worried about Cindy
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when you got these titties in your face?
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- Yeah, what kind of host is you?
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That's real rude, my dude.
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Put some respeck on them milk makers.
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- Whoa, Cindy, why you look
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like you been churnin' butter?
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- I had to dress like this to get out of the house.
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My dad thinks that I'm at TD Fake's Hymenkeeper's Revival.
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- A'ight den.
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- Oh, that's my song!
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- So you not gonna ask me to dance?
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It's my song too!
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- Well, you should give it back.
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- Hey, shit crew.
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Let's get this party started.
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Aye, yo, fellas, help.
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- Stop being such dick-weeds.
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What's your problemo? - Ain't no problem.
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We've just reached maximum cock-pacity.
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- So kick rocks, mark-ass nigs.
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Argh!
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- Yo , fellas, you smell something?
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'Cause I smell pussy!
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- Montrel, what are you doing here?
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You know Flo-Rida's in town.
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- Flo-Rida, you here for real?
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You ain't her period.
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- Yeah, I come down here every month
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This my house.
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- I think we got catflipped, caa.
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- Don't nobody catflip 'Trelly.
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I'ma call the number back
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and see what the fuck is going on.
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- Who dis is? - Jamal!
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You the one who sent us on this wild goose chase?
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Ooooh, I'ma fuck you up when I get back.
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- But that wasn't me. It was Grover.
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Hello? Shit!
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- Mmm, okay.
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Come on, Grover. Just go over there.
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It's your party, your house.
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She ain't gon' say no.
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What if she do say no?
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Then you just got shot down in your own house
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at your own party.
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Nah, I better just stay here.
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What the...
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- I'm trapped, Grover. Help me!
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- Grover! - Oh, shit!
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- I've been looking all over for you.
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Aren't your gonna make time for some fun?
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It is your party.
259
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,767
And I thought you said you could dance.
260
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:01,933
- I can. - Well, show me, then.
261
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:14,067
all: Yeah! - Okay.
262
00:10:26,433 --> 00:10:27,767
- Damn, Grover.
263
00:10:27,767 --> 00:10:29,833
I didn't know you could throw a party like this.
264
00:10:29,833 --> 00:10:31,667
- I can do a lot of things you don't know about.
265
00:10:31,667 --> 00:10:34,100
- Oh, yeah? Like what?
266
00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:37,333
- Grover, my nig.
267
00:10:37,333 --> 00:10:38,567
I really need your help.
268
00:10:38,567 --> 00:10:39,933
- I know what you about to ask,
269
00:10:39,933 --> 00:10:41,300
and the answer is no.
270
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:42,933
I'm about to take Cindy to my room,
271
00:10:42,933 --> 00:10:45,433
so you gonna have to roll Medina's big ass to the garage.
272
00:10:45,433 --> 00:10:47,000
- It's not that. It's just--
273
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:49,033
- Hey, man, I'm working right now.
274
00:10:49,033 --> 00:10:50,700
- Dis nigga!
275
00:10:54,767 --> 00:10:56,067
- Well, that's just great.
276
00:10:56,067 --> 00:10:57,533
I guess we're not shutting the party down.
277
00:10:57,533 --> 00:10:58,767
Let's just go home and jerk off.
278
00:10:58,767 --> 00:11:00,633
Whose house this time? Yours?
279
00:11:00,633 --> 00:11:02,867
Yours? Who's with me?
280
00:11:02,867 --> 00:11:04,367
- ManWeAlwaysJerkOff AtMyHouseMan
281
00:11:04,367 --> 00:11:05,833
I'mTryingToGetAllTheStains OffTheCouch.
282
00:11:05,833 --> 00:11:07,133
- You got a better idea? - Uhh!
283
00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:11,933
- Oh, shit, what happened to the lights?
284
00:11:11,933 --> 00:11:13,700
- Oh, shit, Montrel's here!
285
00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:14,800
He gon' kill me!
286
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,767
Sorry. Damn. My bad.
287
00:11:16,767 --> 00:11:18,700
Oh, girl, you got some big-ass titties.
288
00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:20,200
- Aye, man, fuck you.
289
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:21,233
- Sorry 'bout that.
290
00:11:21,233 --> 00:11:22,667
- Now what?
291
00:11:22,667 --> 00:11:24,667
I hope Malik paid the electric bill.
292
00:11:24,667 --> 00:11:26,100
- Well, too bad it's dark.
293
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,067
I was ready to see what you was working with.
294
00:11:28,067 --> 00:11:31,067
- Oh, word? I'll be right back.
295
00:11:31,067 --> 00:11:33,233
- You got a saboteur, my nig.
296
00:11:33,233 --> 00:11:34,867
Ahhh! - Randy bitch ass.
297
00:11:34,867 --> 00:11:36,533
- Well, we got to get these lights back on,
298
00:11:36,533 --> 00:11:39,533
or this going down as the most un-legendary party in history.
299
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:41,067
- I know. Malik's trap house,
300
00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:42,100
He got a generator.
301
00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:43,200
- Let us handle that.
302
00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,167
You go warm up Cindy's THOT pot.
303
00:11:48,533 --> 00:11:50,267
- "A place where even dreams believe."
304
00:11:50,267 --> 00:11:51,400
That makes no sense.
305
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:52,533
- Ain't got to make no sense.
306
00:11:52,533 --> 00:11:54,233
It was written by the man/woman himself.
307
00:11:54,233 --> 00:11:55,833
Logic is her kryptonite.
308
00:11:55,833 --> 00:11:57,233
- Wait a minute, you're Michael Jai White.
309
00:11:57,233 --> 00:11:59,333
- Uh, who? Oh, yeah, that's me.
310
00:12:04,633 --> 00:12:05,800
- Riiight.
311
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,433
Michael Jai White, you were Spawn,
312
00:12:07,433 --> 00:12:09,367
and that cool gangster dude in "The Dark Knight."
313
00:12:09,367 --> 00:12:11,633
You've been in about 4,000 straight-to-DVD movies.
314
00:12:11,633 --> 00:12:12,833
What happened to you, brother?
315
00:12:12,833 --> 00:12:15,233
- I busted my ass learning karate and shit,
316
00:12:15,233 --> 00:12:17,433
but Hollywood don't want no strong black man.
317
00:12:17,433 --> 00:12:19,967
They want half-men like Omar Gooding.
318
00:12:19,967 --> 00:12:21,433
- Come on, man, you know she's evil.
319
00:12:21,433 --> 00:12:23,300
She destroyed the minds of black people in America.
320
00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:25,067
Now she's trying to turn Africa into Atlanta.
321
00:12:25,067 --> 00:12:27,233
- Aflantica? Zulus in high heels?
322
00:12:27,233 --> 00:12:28,867
Hey, man, stop making me think.
323
00:12:28,867 --> 00:12:30,867
As long as I can get paid and take care of my family,
324
00:12:30,867 --> 00:12:32,233
I don't give a fuck.
325
00:12:36,833 --> 00:12:38,400
- A'ight, let's go back in.
326
00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:39,700
- Uh, that's okay.
327
00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:41,633
Uh, I'ma just chill in the trap house.
328
00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:42,867
- This the party of the year.
329
00:12:42,867 --> 00:12:44,267
All those drunk breezies in there,
330
00:12:44,267 --> 00:12:45,700
and you gonna hide in the treehouse?
331
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:47,333
- Uh, yeah, you know me.
332
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,267
I stay hittin' the trees.
333
00:12:49,267 --> 00:12:50,633
- What the fuck is up with you?
334
00:12:50,633 --> 00:12:52,800
- Montrel found out I was the one that called him.
335
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,100
He said he's gonna kill me.
336
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:55,567
- Man, we homies.
337
00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:57,900
We ain't finna just let Montrel beat the brakes off you.
338
00:12:57,900 --> 00:13:00,300
We got yo back. - This party's turnt.
339
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:01,900
What happened to my panties?
340
00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:03,933
- You understand I got to leave you, right?
341
00:13:03,933 --> 00:13:05,167
It ain't personal.
342
00:13:05,167 --> 00:13:06,100
It's pussy.
343
00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:12,133
- Now, where were we?
344
00:13:15,367 --> 00:13:16,700
- Where's my begotten Scrilla seed?!
345
00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:18,133
- Oh, shit. - Ohhh!
346
00:13:18,133 --> 00:13:20,700
- Who dat? - Cindy, nigga. Come on, now.
347
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,933
- Uh, she ain't here, Pastor.
348
00:13:22,933 --> 00:13:25,200
- If I find out you lying, Milky Toast,
349
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,967
I'm kill everybody in this muthafucka.
350
00:13:27,967 --> 00:13:28,900
- Oh, Lord.
351
00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:33,600
- Now where is she?!
352
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:34,933
- If my dad finds out I'm here,
353
00:13:34,933 --> 00:13:36,300
I'll be grounded tell Jesus comes back.
354
00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:37,967
I'll never experience my first time having sex,
355
00:13:37,967 --> 00:13:39,733
my first time turning down anal,
356
00:13:39,733 --> 00:13:41,667
my first time saying yes to anal.
357
00:13:41,667 --> 00:13:43,133
- Don't worry, I got you.
358
00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:44,367
- You know, Grover,
359
00:13:44,367 --> 00:13:45,967
most guys woulda got the hell out of here.
360
00:13:45,967 --> 00:13:47,067
But you a real one.
361
00:13:47,067 --> 00:13:48,233
If he's gonna kill you,
362
00:13:48,233 --> 00:13:51,200
the least I can do is give you a hug.
363
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,333
Damn, is that you or the broom?
364
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,200
- God, I hope it's me.
365
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,633
- Now look, Cindy ain't here, buster-ass Scrilla.
366
00:13:58,633 --> 00:14:00,233
I heard she was at a friend's house...
367
00:14:00,233 --> 00:14:01,333
either reading the Bible
368
00:14:01,333 --> 00:14:02,933
or exploring their bodies and shit.
369
00:14:02,933 --> 00:14:04,067
So to answer your question,
370
00:14:04,067 --> 00:14:06,067
nah, homey, she ain't here.
371
00:14:06,067 --> 00:14:09,100
- Well, I'm predisposed to trust all White people.
372
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,100
- Man, you a hero.
373
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,067
I'm surprised he didn't scare the shit out of you.
374
00:14:15,067 --> 00:14:16,833
- Ain't nothing to a legend.
375
00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:22,167
- 'Allo, Malik.
376
00:14:22,167 --> 00:14:23,900
- Who are you? - I'm Idris Elba.
377
00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:25,733
This is Blair Underwood. - What's up?
378
00:14:25,733 --> 00:14:27,800
- Chap over there is Mike Epps.
379
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:29,267
- Man, I'm here for the weed.
380
00:14:29,267 --> 00:14:31,067
- Look, we heard Michael Jai White
381
00:14:31,067 --> 00:14:33,133
talking to you, and we want to help you out.
382
00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:34,533
- That's great. Thank you, my brothers.
383
00:14:34,533 --> 00:14:35,800
But if you could help me escape,
384
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:36,967
why are you still here?
385
00:14:36,967 --> 00:14:39,067
- Oh, no, mate, we're not locked up.
386
00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:41,233
We've all done shitty Madea movies,
387
00:14:41,233 --> 00:14:43,167
and we're hiding until that shit blows over
388
00:14:43,167 --> 00:14:45,167
and we can start getting roles again.
389
00:14:45,167 --> 00:14:46,767
- Man, I'm here for the weed.
390
00:14:46,767 --> 00:14:49,200
- Right. Okay, so how do I get out?
391
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,933
- Blair, will you do the honors, mate?
392
00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,333
- You have to kill Madea.
393
00:14:54,333 --> 00:14:55,967
Then maybe we can stop hiding.
394
00:14:55,967 --> 00:14:57,767
Damn, I miss working with white people.
395
00:14:57,767 --> 00:14:59,600
- I promise. Stay up, my brothers.
396
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,367
Peace, Malik.
397
00:15:07,333 --> 00:15:08,467
- Hey, Commandant-- - Ahhh!
398
00:15:08,467 --> 00:15:09,533
Malik!
399
00:15:09,533 --> 00:15:10,633
You scared me, nigga.
400
00:15:10,633 --> 00:15:12,067
Please announce yourself next time.
401
00:15:12,067 --> 00:15:13,433
Have you killed the Evil One yet?
402
00:15:13,433 --> 00:15:15,067
- I was on my way to him-her now.
403
00:15:15,067 --> 00:15:16,367
What's with all the fireworks?
404
00:15:16,367 --> 00:15:17,633
- For the new diamond mine.
405
00:15:17,633 --> 00:15:19,067
- Diamond mines? - Yes.
406
00:15:19,067 --> 00:15:20,533
And once you kill Madea,
407
00:15:20,533 --> 00:15:23,067
we will take over her land and all of her employees.
408
00:15:23,067 --> 00:15:24,900
With no more shitty movies to make,
409
00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:27,400
they will have no choice but to work for me.
410
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:28,700
- That's what this is all about!
411
00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:30,567
Using black people to mine your diamonds.
412
00:15:30,567 --> 00:15:33,267
- Absolutely. With the recent rise of Mumble Rap,
413
00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:34,700
my business is booming.
414
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,800
My plan is to put diamonds in the mouth
415
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,600
of every nigga in America.
416
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:41,833
We will never understand a rap lyric ever again.
417
00:15:41,833 --> 00:15:45,067
Who knows, maybe Fetty Wap will become president.
418
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:49,733
- Oh, my God.
419
00:15:49,733 --> 00:15:51,267
You are worse than Madea!
420
00:15:51,267 --> 00:15:54,067
I will not participate in the degradation of my people.
421
00:15:54,067 --> 00:15:55,067
- Oh, you will--
422
00:15:55,067 --> 00:15:56,167
or you die.
423
00:15:57,433 --> 00:15:58,933
- Okay, okay.
424
00:15:58,933 --> 00:16:01,300
I'll do it.
425
00:16:04,633 --> 00:16:07,067
- ManPleaseExplainToMeWhy WeGivingTheShitCrewAllThisBeer
426
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,300
WhenWeShouldBeFuckingEmUp.
427
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,200
- You see, Mumblemouth, when you roll a keg,
428
00:16:10,200 --> 00:16:12,733
it fills up with foam and explodes--boom!
429
00:16:12,733 --> 00:16:15,667
Bye-bye, Shit Crew party.
430
00:16:15,667 --> 00:16:17,100
- Oh, shit!
431
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:20,833
- What the fuck is y'all doing here?
432
00:16:20,833 --> 00:16:22,467
We still full up on dicks.
433
00:16:22,467 --> 00:16:25,433
But actually--aye, y'all, do we need any assholes?
434
00:16:25,433 --> 00:16:27,533
all: No. - Nope, all good.
435
00:16:27,533 --> 00:16:29,067
You're right.
436
00:16:29,067 --> 00:16:30,767
We were assholes.
437
00:16:30,767 --> 00:16:33,333
But we brought you this to make up for it.
438
00:16:33,333 --> 00:16:35,500
- Well, we is a little low on drank.
439
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:36,700
Bring it in.
440
00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:38,700
- Hey, anybody want a "brewski"?
441
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:41,400
Grover, I'll let you do the honors.
442
00:16:48,067 --> 00:16:49,967
- Noooo!
443
00:16:54,067 --> 00:16:57,067
I saved the party. Legends!
444
00:17:00,633 --> 00:17:02,667
- Damn, the house is jacked.
445
00:17:02,667 --> 00:17:05,167
Malik ain't never gonna let me stay home alone again.
446
00:17:05,167 --> 00:17:06,600
- Ha, ha! House ruined!
447
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:07,833
Party's over!
448
00:17:07,833 --> 00:17:09,100
You're gonna go home and get in trouble
449
00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:11,700
for smelling like beer.
450
00:17:11,700 --> 00:17:14,500
- He's right. We better take our clothes off.
451
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:15,567
Whoo!
452
00:17:21,467 --> 00:17:23,433
- Shh, don't fight it.
453
00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:26,167
Just let it happen.
454
00:17:29,167 --> 00:17:30,167
- Cut, cut, cut!
455
00:17:30,167 --> 00:17:31,733
You call that acting?!
456
00:17:31,733 --> 00:17:34,067
- But Madea, we ain't got no scripts.
457
00:17:34,067 --> 00:17:36,867
- Ohhh, "I ain't got no script."
458
00:17:36,867 --> 00:17:38,967
Execute him. - Hwah!
459
00:17:38,967 --> 00:17:41,333
- Hold up. Ain't nobody dying today.
460
00:17:41,333 --> 00:17:42,767
- Nigga baby!
461
00:17:42,767 --> 00:17:44,067
How did you get out?
462
00:17:44,067 --> 00:17:45,600
- Now's not the time, Mr. Mrs. Madea.
463
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,333
I need you to come with me if you want to live.
464
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,300
Look, so maybe you don't make the best films,
465
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,167
but you employ thousands of people.
466
00:17:51,167 --> 00:17:52,333
I mean, you don't pay 'em nothing,
467
00:17:52,333 --> 00:17:53,800
and health care's non-existent,
468
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:55,700
but you give 'em opportunity, and you give 'em hope.
469
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:56,800
You're a necessary evil,
470
00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:58,367
which is why I must save you.
471
00:17:58,367 --> 00:18:00,100
- From who now?
472
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:01,533
- Me, that's who.
473
00:18:01,533 --> 00:18:02,733
- Hmm.
474
00:18:02,733 --> 00:18:04,367
What does this delicious,
475
00:18:04,367 --> 00:18:06,367
rugged Hersey nigga want?
476
00:18:06,367 --> 00:18:08,600
- This delicious, rugged Hersey nigga
477
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:09,667
wants you dead.
478
00:18:09,667 --> 00:18:11,300
Prepare to die.
479
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:12,800
- This is gonna happen.
480
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,733
In about 30 seconds, there'll be a huge explosion.
481
00:18:14,733 --> 00:18:16,300
You'll be startled by it, and that'll allow me
482
00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:18,567
to kick you in the shin, go into a back flip,
483
00:18:18,567 --> 00:18:19,833
whose momentum will carry me and Madea
484
00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:20,933
into a nearby river,
485
00:18:20,933 --> 00:18:22,467
escaping the fiery carnage.
486
00:18:22,467 --> 00:18:24,067
- Yeah, right.
487
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,167
- I've got that Danny Glover looking muthafucka
488
00:18:29,167 --> 00:18:30,633
locked at six o'clock!
489
00:18:30,633 --> 00:18:32,833
- Nobody fucks with the homey and lives!
490
00:18:32,833 --> 00:18:35,500
So you get a bomb, and you get a bomb,
491
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:37,800
and you get a bomb!
492
00:18:39,833 --> 00:18:41,267
Ha, ha!
493
00:18:46,167 --> 00:18:48,700
- Apocalyptic, zombie Jesus.
494
00:18:48,700 --> 00:18:50,200
Thank you, God, for saving me.
495
00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:51,267
You know what?
496
00:18:51,267 --> 00:18:53,533
I owe for saving me, nigga--
497
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:54,967
I mean Malik.
498
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,600
Whatever you want, it is yours.
499
00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,267
- Can you stop making those bad movies?
500
00:18:59,267 --> 00:19:01,633
- All that money I make, honey?
501
00:19:01,633 --> 00:19:03,167
Get the fuck outta here. Hellur!
502
00:19:10,767 --> 00:19:12,233
- First you steal my party,
503
00:19:12,233 --> 00:19:13,467
then my girl.
504
00:19:13,467 --> 00:19:15,200
Now I'm gonna steal your asshole.
505
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:16,533
Prepare to get fisted!
506
00:19:16,533 --> 00:19:18,133
all: Huh?
507
00:19:18,133 --> 00:19:19,233
- You know what I mean.
508
00:19:19,233 --> 00:19:20,300
I'm gonna beat him up.
509
00:19:20,300 --> 00:19:21,500
Fuck all of you!
510
00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:22,600
Night, night, Shit Crew!
511
00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:25,467
- Aye, yo, hold on, little bitch.
512
00:19:25,467 --> 00:19:27,433
You think you 'bout to Ike Turner my little brother?
513
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:29,200
- 'Trel the only nigga to hit that nigga.
514
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:30,900
But I do get to hit you, caa.
515
00:19:32,067 --> 00:19:33,800
Y'all wanna catch this fade too?
516
00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:35,533
- Absolutely not.
517
00:19:35,533 --> 00:19:36,733
- Aye, check this out.
518
00:19:36,733 --> 00:19:38,267
The party's over!
519
00:19:39,267 --> 00:19:40,267
Aye, hold up.
520
00:19:40,267 --> 00:19:41,600
Where the fuck y'all going?
521
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,067
Y'all little niggas better get to cleaning.
522
00:19:43,067 --> 00:19:45,133
And I want it to be spotless in this bitch.
523
00:19:47,433 --> 00:19:49,200
- You know, you don't have to stay and do this.
524
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,633
- It's the least I can do
525
00:19:50,633 --> 00:19:52,367
since my dad almost killed you.
526
00:19:52,367 --> 00:19:54,700
Huh, I guess it wasn't the broom.
527
00:19:56,167 --> 00:19:58,100
- Aw, come on, bruh.
528
00:19:58,100 --> 00:19:59,233
- Oh, hell naw.
529
00:19:59,233 --> 00:20:00,833
Flo-Rida's the only nigga
530
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,233
that's getting ass tonight.
531
00:20:02,233 --> 00:20:03,567
Now get to sweepin'.
532
00:20:06,067 --> 00:20:07,133
- Aye, 'Trel.
533
00:20:07,133 --> 00:20:08,133
I'm sorry for sending you
534
00:20:08,133 --> 00:20:09,600
on that wild hoe chase.
535
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:10,800
- Aye, don't sweat it, Grover.
536
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,500
If you can't lie to your family,
537
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,733
who can you lie to?
538
00:20:14,733 --> 00:20:17,000
Now let me show you something else families do.
539
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:18,067
We give ass whoopin's.
540
00:20:18,067 --> 00:20:19,933
- Uh! Ow, buster.
541
00:20:19,933 --> 00:20:21,800
- What's up, negroes? I'm home.
542
00:20:21,800 --> 00:20:23,133
- Malik? - Daddy!
543
00:20:23,133 --> 00:20:24,467
- Calm down, calm down.
544
00:20:24,467 --> 00:20:25,800
I'm glad to see y'all too.
545
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,267
- Did you get us anything, Daddy?
546
00:20:28,467 --> 00:20:30,533
- Why are there ashes on the shirts?
547
00:20:30,533 --> 00:20:33,500
- Yeah, why it smell like cocoa butter and napalm?
548
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:34,867
- Aye, you want the shirts or what?
549
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:36,500
- Yeah. - Thanks, my nigga.
550
00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:38,300
- Where my shirt at, caa?
551
00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:39,933
- Wow, the house looks clean.
552
00:20:39,933 --> 00:20:41,567
I guess you guys can be responsible.
553
00:20:41,567 --> 00:20:43,533
- How was Africa? - Let's just say,
554
00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:44,700
nothing's changed.
555
00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:46,900
- Uh, you might want to leave the room.
556
00:20:46,900 --> 00:20:49,067
I'm about to watch this new Madea joint,
557
00:20:49,067 --> 00:20:50,500
"Madea Unchained."
558
00:20:50,500 --> 00:20:52,833
It's the one with bad acting and has no script.
559
00:20:52,833 --> 00:20:54,600
- Scoot over.
560
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,133
- Who is that nigga on that nag?
561
00:20:57,133 --> 00:20:59,100
- Hellur!
562
00:20:59,100 --> 00:21:00,400
- Aye, may not be that funny,
563
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,767
but at least my people are working.
564
00:21:02,767 --> 00:21:04,700
- Man, I'm here for the weed.
39693
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