Original subtitles

Damn, Milk. Is you rubbing one out?

- Nah, homey, I emptied the clip before lunch.

Just getting ready for the tourney in Myrtle Beach.

- Our first basketball road trip.

You already know what we gotta do.

- Yep. Not getting your nut out

in some road beef was punishable by caskration

in the "Game of Thrones" era.

- And that's why I got this Black People Skeet app

to help find some smashables.

I just put in the city and line up the kitty.

Meow mean?

We finna turn Myrtle Beach into "Squirtle Beach," ya dig?

- Hold up. Why is your avi a picture of me?

- I created, like, fifty-leven profiles,

but they kept suspended them shits.

- They stay hating on the light-skindid.

- Yep, so I made one in yo name, Grove,

and put some extra extras on your bio.

- Star legend of the Duncan hoop squad.

Better have two bad ones

that can handle the nine for my nigs?

- Aah!

So you got any prospects? - A few slopdiggles,

but it's a numbers game.

Mo' swipin' means mo' pipin'.

- You goddamn right, motherfucker.

Now pay attention!

- Boom, bitch. I got a match.

- Damn, my nig, she a bad one,

and she got some bad friends too.

- Hey, not it to smash the becky.

- Slide in her DM. Don't be thirsty,

but don't be romantic neither.

- Chill. I dos this.

What them stank holes do? Heart emoji.

- Dis nigga.

What?

- I still can't believe you tricked off

a guaranteed three-peat.

Now we ain't gon' never get our road nuts.

- There finna be plenty other pokeables in Myrtle Beach.

- Yeah, so you fresh fish bitches

think you're gonna shuck some clams?

Uh, negative.

- We don't think. We know, buster.

- Uh, no freshman's ever gotten play on their first road trip.

- Uh, this bag is from the Westbrook Collection.

Man, fuck y'all.

- They don't want you to board Jet Black Airlines,

but we gon' board anyway

'cause we smart, we loyal, and we the best.

- Wait, where we supposed to sit?

- This is Jet Black Airlines.

Seating is first come, first swerve.

- Aye, we gotta cut to the front of the line.

Let's roll.

- Why did we cut to the front of the line

to sit all the way in the back?

- For Rosa Parks, buster.

Now, I don't know about y'all,

but I got some mile-high club to join.

I'm about to hit the boo-boo box.

Rhi-Rhi finna get that work.

- Yo, I'm a little nervous.

- For what? - This is my first flight,

and my weather app say it's a hurricane coming.

- Don't worry. I've got some movies

to take our minds off of it.

I got "Turbulence," "Snakes on a Plane,"

"Crash," "Final Destination" 1 and 2,

"Fallen from the Sky,"

and my personal favorite, "La Bamba."

- Y'all looking at the newest and truest member

of the mile-high club.

- What happened to the box of rubbers?

- They all skeeted up.

Now y'all gon' show me some love or what?

- You do realize that the plane is still on the ground, right?

- Aww, fuck.

all:

- We the O-Dogs. all:

- Not them other dudes. all:

- We the shit, they some bitches.

You know who to choose.

- Who the fuck are the O-Dogs?

- Don't worry about it, Medina.

They ain't gon' holla at you no way.

- Omarion Ty Ty. all:

- Cal State Chamberlain Hills. all:

- College party on Statutory Saturday.

all:

- Ooh, it's Statutory Saturday, girl.

This is our chance to turn up with some real men.

- Not you. Not you.

Not you. You know!

- Can y'all speak up?

I can only hear bitches with invitations.

- Well, bitch, you driving.

- I guess we all about to get our nuts.

- Now listen up, motherfuckers.

Now, I know what y'all scheming on.

You finally get out of Chamberlain Heights

and you're hoping to hit the streets

and get you some of that South Carolina strange.

Well, too bad, motherfuckers,

'cause Coach Jerry is doing bed checks

at 11:00 motherfucking sharp.

And if you ain't in your beds, he has a hall pass

to hit the showers with you motherfuckers.

Now I'm gonna go find somebody to cheat on my wife with.

I'll see you motherfuckers at the game tomorrow.

Hey, you foxy motherfucker.

What them stank holes do?

- Aw, shit.

- We about that life.

- This what I'm talking about, my nigs.

- Yep, I'ma give her a little doggy,

a little missionary,

and then I might even kiss her.

- I'ma be right here letting her ride it and abide it

'cause I'm a giver, not a taker.

- Why I gotta sleep on the thot cot?

- 'Cause slavery was a bitch.

- Haters.

- Housekeeping.

- Aye, somebody tell that bitch to make me some pancakes.

We got you on housekeeping?

I mean, I knew you were some fuck boys,

but I didn't think you'd be that fuckable.

- Aww, come on, man.

What you doing?

- Oh, well, looks like no badussy

for the shit crew this trip.

Shocker.

- I don't even know what to say, man.

I'm just gonna stand here and mumble something.

- I ain't even gonna front.

I look like Machine Gun Kelly black ass.

- Yeah, my shit kind of wavy.

Thotties finna be flocking on the beach.

- They got me looking all grown and shit.

- You sure about that, my nig?

You look like you got in trouble for a bad report card.

- You just jealous I look like LeBron

in about two seasons.

- Time to hit the beach

and snag us some thotties for tonight, my nigs.

Aah.

What's good, Selma?

You trying to get sprayed by this fire hose?

Aah. Aye, Myrtle Beaches,

y'all trying to get this triple double like Westbrook?

Aah. What up, bodiquas?

You trying to erect this wall? You paying for it, though.

Aah. - Damn, boos.

- Told you, shit crew. Don't matter where you go,

you'll never get any play.

- Damn, Milk, why you gotta be so aggressive all the time?

- Yeah, my nig.

You can't be mean to the girls

until after you beat their cakes.

Then they cool with it.

- Can y'all speak up a little bit?

both: Aw, hell yeah. - Yeah, my nigs.

- We about to get our whoop-de-whoop.

Hell, yeah, we about to get our nut.

- Jerry better hurry up with this bed check.

Can't keep our boos waiting.

- Oh, shit, Grover, hit the lights.

- Aw, yeah.

There--oh, where's it at. Oh...

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, here we--

ah...

Ah, smells so good.

- What is you doing, Jerry?

- Uh, uh...

- Now dip before we tell Coach you sniffed our draws

and tried to touch our coochies.

- Uh...

- All right, it's go time.

Let's make our next move our best move.

- Yep. We all about to get our nuts.

The coast looks decently clear.

Now, let's make moves like Olajuwanna Man.

- Oh, shit. There they go.

- Damn, I might consider smashing that becky.

- We finna be legends, my nigs.

Hurricane Jermaine.

- Oh, my God, open the door. - My hair getting all wet.

all: Aww, shit.

- Somebody call the ambalamps!

- Somebody call the ambalamps!

- Hey, open the door.

- My weave. - Don't worry, we'll save you.

- I love you.

- Come on. It's not a joke.

Y'all gotta let me in.

- Hey, man, y'all need to open the door.

Our boos is stuck out there.

- Have you lost your goddamn mind?

- Ain't nobody got time for you.

- Yo, where our boos at?

- Shit, I don't know.

- Man, this is a straight-up disaster.

- Shoot, maybe for y'all.

I'm just finna go upstairs and give Rhi-Rhi the business.

- Nah, Milk, we gotta do something

before FEMA gets here and starts killing people.

Ooh, I got an idea.

To the beat suite.

- I don't get it.

Why hasn't anyone asked us to dance?

We cute, underage, and slightly drunk.

- Yeah, they ain't even paying us no attention.

- That's all you got, nigga?

- This party's lame. We ready to go.

- Uh-uh, finally a healthy girl is getting some play,

and I got the car, so we staying.

- Ooh, wait a minute, y'all.

I see three O-Dogs coming our way.

- Come on. Join the party.

I'm about to run a train on y'all niggas.

- Grab all the blankets and towels, my nigs,

even my ass rags.

This ain't enough, guys, we still need more.

- We could jack Randy bitch ass.

- You ain't never lied.

- Man come on who the hell is you?

Put Randy on the phone,

motherfucker! - What up, Coach B?

Crazy weather, huh? - Fuck the weather!

Get yo asses to my room immediately.

And leave your door open. Jerry's coming by

to drop off your jersey's, motherfuckers.

- Yes, sir, Coach. We're coming right now.

Let's go, guys. Coach B wants us.

He sounded pissed.

- Man, I can't believe this man's trying to make...

- We got it all.

Let's bounce before Randy and them get back.

- Y'all go grab one of them maid carts.

I'll be right behind you, my nigs.

Now who the shit crew?

We got towels, blankets, and ass rags.

- This was genius, Jamal.

- I told y'all to trust me.

- Hey, my nigs, there go our boos right there.

- Oh, hell, yeah.

Let's go pull up on 'em.

- We been looking all over for y'all.

Why you ain't hit us? - This thot dropped her phone

in the water like a idiot, so I couldn't message you.

- Ugh, what kind of haircuts y'all rocking?

- This that new Chamberlain Heights look.

Y'all wouldn't know nothing about it,

but trust, it's wavy.

- Ah, okay. We feeling it.

- What's y'all excuse?

- You know weaves is allergic to the elements,

but this becky right here, got the good hair.

- No, bitch, I just got Creole in my family.

- Oh, for real? Me too,

but we was finna sweat them weaves out anyway.

- Is that right?

Y'all don't look like no superstars.

More like some scrubs.

- We some legends, and if you come to our room,

we'll show you how we finger roll.

- Uh-uh. Nope.

- Girl, these dudes is dusty. They'll never be league.

- Where else we gonna go? At least they got a warm shower,

and we'll figure out a way to get rid of 'em.

- True. - Yep.

- Well, we can't go home until it stops hurricaning,

so we'll come chill.

- Thank you, Hurricane Jermaine.

- The guys may be on some bullshit,

but at least the food is on point.

- These wings are everything.

Too bad they cold, though.

- You should warm your food up like me.

Almost ready.

- Aw, damn.

Did somebody run over a skunk?

- Yeah, it smells like someone's allergic to meat.

- Uh, I got a call to make.

I'll be right back.

- Have you placed your bet yet?

- Bets for what? - For the Slump Busting.

See, look, we find the fattest girl

for the pledge to smash. Us bros hide in the closet,

and when we jump out and she tries to escape,

the pledge has to hold on to her for eight seconds.

It is hilarious.

- Say, bro, are you okay?

It smells real bad.

I got Crohn's disease, nigga.

They're gonna try to run a train on Medina

and embarrass her, y'all.

- Aw, that's messed up.

- Omarion.

Formation.

- We should probably help her.

- Slump Busters, to the throne!

- Well, you know, good for her.

I guess there's somebody for everybody.

- I can't believe you, Cindy.

Medina's about to lose all her self-respect

and dignity to a pack of Omarions

and all you can think about is yourself.

- But what can we do now?

Looks like the train already left the station.

- All aboard, motherfuckers!

- Maybe we can drug 'em.

They can't run a train when they're all asleep, right?

- Where you gonna get that many drugs?

Fine.

Take whatever you want, but the crack rock is mine.

- So what y'all trying to do?

- Yeah, should we do one of them draft lotteries

to see who smashing who or just hit the lights

and get on that natural selection?

- How about this? We'll take off these wet clothes

and hop in the shower

and y'all go put on some rubbers,

and we'll show you what these stank holes do.

both: Rubbers?

- Y'all got some condoms, right?

- Nah, we some real-league types.

We only go raw.

- Sorry, boos. Y'all ain't starters.

No jimmy hat, no kitty cat.

- No strap, no stroke.

- No latex, no anal.

- Girl, you dumb. Get your ass in this bathroom.

- The only way we dunking our balls in they cups is

if we get some straps.

- We can hit the store right there.

- I don't know, y'all. This hurricane ain't no buster.

It's flooding pretty bad out there

and I can't swim. - Hold up, Grover.

Are you really gonna let a category six hurricane

keep us from smashing?

- Yeah, it's barely bigger than Katrina.

- Fuck it, Hurricane Jermaine can't fade the legend.

- Yo, this wind is scarier

than Draymond Green's dick pic.

- We almost there, my dudes.

It's actually about to happen. Thanks, LeBron.

- I love you guys, man.

Oh, shit!

- God damn levies!

- Hey, let's jump on that L.

- We ain't taking no L, buster.

- That's what they want us to do.

- You smart. - Come on, y'all.

If we don't hop on this L, we gon' take one.

Oh, shit, we losing ground.

- Yo, Grover, if we get merced out here,

you think they'll give us a Facebook tribute page?

- Hopefully LeBron will see our story

and pay for our funeral.

- Man, fuck.

Hop on, my dudes.

- Damn, Milk, how come you never told us

your Michael Phelps game is so strong?

- Fuck that white boy.

Y'all better not tell nobody I can swim.

- For real, though, Milk, this is unanimous decision.

Since you saved our lives, you can say "nig"

for the rest of the road trip.

- Hold up. For real?

- It's a new day in Civil Rights.

- Appreciate you...

my nig.

So beautiful.

- Now, lets go get our motherfucking nuts.

- Aw, damn, did one of you guys wet fart?

Whoever smelt it dealt it,

stinky booty boy. - Ah, was it you, Hoffart?

Where the fuck is it coming from then?

It stinks.

- Oh, man, Randy, somebody took

a little boo-boo-booie in your Louie.

- Aw, not the Louie!

Aw, the shit crew is dead!

- I think LeBron just saying

it wasn't meant to be on this trip.

- I can't believe this, man.

Please, God, just caskrate these balls

and get it over with.

- What the fuck is this nig doing?

Oh, shit, he gon' kill us.

- Oh, shit. - Yo.

- What the fuck?

- It was nice knowing you, my nigs.

- Hold up. Is that Delonte West?

- Yeah.

- Appreciate you, Delonte. - Yeah.

- Aye, yo, where them Jeter sleeves at?

Yo, I got dibs on the maggies.

- Mr. West, you are a real one, my nig.

- Appreciate you, my nig. - Thanks, my nig.

- Planes, trains, or automobiles.

You better have my donuts.

- Aye, what he say?

- Da fwa?

- Aye, Delonte, can I ask you something?

- Yeah.

- Well, uh, yeah, see.

I heard a rumor that-- did you, like, uh...

- Did you fuck LeBron's mom or what, man?

- Yeah.

Legend.

- All right, it's game time, my nigs.

- What? Failing to prepare

is preparing to fail.

- That's a great call.

- You a genius, my nig.

- Come on, y'all.

A bitch ready to get her slump busted.

- What the fuck?

- Open up, shit crew!

I know you're in there!

Whoa, the shit crew actually had some things lined up.

Where are those turd nuggets at, anyway?

- They went to the store, but they been gone a cool minute.

Who is y'all niggas? - Oh, us?

Oh, who we's be? Oh, we's be the stars

of the Duncan basketball team, sweet thang.

- Oh, okay.

Come inside. Also enter.

- But we don't got straps.

- You're starters. You don't need straps.

- Somebody roofied all my dick, y'all.

- We did it, Medina. Can't you see?

They were just using you for a hazing ritual.

God knows they didn't want you for you.

- You think I didn't know what was going on?

They weren't gonna run a train on me.

I was gonna run a train on them,

and you nosey, malnourished heifers

unempowered a bitch.

- Mm, mm, mm.

- LaDante, what are you doing here?

- I smelled all the inebriated college ass

just here for the taking.

- Yo, bro, spit something, homey.

Enjoy this, my fellow legends,

and remember...

you'll never forget your first.

- What y'all doing with our breezys?

- What does it look like we're doing?

We're shucking your clams bareback.

Unlike you guys, we get burn.

- Oh, man, seriously, it's a little bit more of a itch

than a burn. - Come on, Randy.

How you just gonna slide in our work like that?

We wasn't really even tripping on the hazing, but damn.

This right here just ain't being a good teammate.

- You wanna talk about not being a good teammate?

Which one of you guys one-pieced in my Louie?

- How dare you downgrade it to a one-piece.

I clipped off a perfect Nike swoosh.

- All right, fine.

I'll pass the ball around a little bit.

You guys wanna join in?

Here, take the other end.

This nigga.

- I can't believe these hoes had the audacity

to show up at the game. - That's right.

Go Duncan! - Let's go, Randy!

- At least we still got a few days left

to try and get our nuts. - Not happening, my dude.

Everyone in town know we suck now.

- It's a cold game, my...

nigs. Hee-hee.

Damn, I thought for the rest of the trip

I was free to say "nig"? Ooh.

- Unfortch, your nig pass was revoked

after Randy and them snatched our scrallywags last night.

- Yep, that word is back on the banned substance list.

- Man, y'all some damn renegers.

- Shit, he found a loophole.

- I'm frigging...

- I guess that's what happens

when you don't strap up on road trips.

- Aw, hell no.

- Milk, you know what to do. - Way ahead of you.

What them stank holes do?

- Yeah.