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- Damn, I'm sick of sitting down in The Pit
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with the Urkels and Section Eights.
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This ain't no place for a legend.
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- Yeah, we ain't gon' get no "vajayjay Abrams"
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sittin' next to fly guy.
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- Speaking of getting no "vajayjay," where's Milk?
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- Ah!
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- Don't you ever grab my pussy again!
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- Here come Machine Gun Smelly.
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- Our president said it was okay, so mind your business.
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Man, white girls got too much carbon.
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I gotta find me a righteous Hotep ho
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with them brown nipples.
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- A'pos'trafee'a?
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- From now on, my name is Queen La'pos'trafee'a.
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I have discovered my African roots
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on Black Twitter. I am inviting you Nubian kings
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to my first annual Nat Turn Up.
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So please come, Grover and Jamal.
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Uh-uh, not you, Paul Wall.
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But I'm more nig than all you nigs.
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Ah! Ah! Ah!
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Ah! Damn!
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Ever since Trump got elected, y'all been taking extra slaps.
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- Uh, Milk, my turn up is for uplifting
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the black experience and you, my melanin starved brother,
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are as my grandmother would proudly say, a honky.
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- I don't know what that mean,
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but if I don't go, they don't go.
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- Shit, I'll be there.
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Sorry, Milk, this party only for black.
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- What?
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- This turn up gon' be lit.
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A'pos'trafee'a's parties are legendary.
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- And nothing makes a "vagiggle" wriggle like rosé,
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trap music, and Swahili.
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- How she gon' invite you two and not me?
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I'm the "gangsterest" one in here.
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- You sure are, my little Nipsey Hustle.
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- Ain't nobody ask you, Moms,
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but you goddamn right.
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Thanks for always having my back.
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- All right, off to the party.
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- Make sure you check our Snapchats at the party!
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- Hashtag Milk ain't here.
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- Whoo! Black guys!
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I'm not in the mood. I'm going through some "thangs."
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- Are you feeling pasty and pale?
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Unathletic and small meated?
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Would you like to be able to sing every word
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to your favorite rap song with your windows down?
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Without getting fucked up?
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Are your black friends invited to Nat Turn Ups without you?
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Well, then, hail a cab while you still can
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and come on down
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to the Rachel Dolezal Tanning Salon!
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- I know exactly why you're here.
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Hi, I'm Shoshana, your certified melanologist.
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How'd you find out about us?
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Yelp, Snapchat, or Kardashian sex tape?
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- Man, fuck all that. Just show me to the black beds.
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- Okay, super serious question.
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How often do you wanna be stopped and frisked?
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- A lot. A whole lot.
65
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- Slow down, Macklemore.
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Straight to Akon requires a manager's approval.
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There's paper work, it's this whole process.
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Let's just get you started with a nice golden Chris Brown.
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It's our biggest hit.
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- Hell "jeah," I finally get to fix God's mistake.
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- Welcome, my kemetic Hoteps of the Black Twitterverse.
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- What's this for? I didn't leave my wallet in El Segundo.
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- Oh, one cannot twerk in the uniform of the oppressor.
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Instead, we will shake our asses in the robes of glory.
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- I ain't wearing this Kunta Kinte cloth.
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This shit ain't league.
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- Yeah, I think mine got aids.
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- Hey, Grover.
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- Wait up, my empowered sista.
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Let's get freaky in the dashiki.
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- Mmm! That buffet is on point!
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They got "Bernie Mac and Cheese,"
83
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"Tri-tip Called Quest," "Keisha Coleslaw,"
84
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and for desert, "Cuba Pudding Junior."
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Hey, it's kinda boring, but somehow it works.
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- This Hotep party is not the wave.
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They should call it a "no-tep" party, my nig.
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- Yeah, the "itis" is setting in.
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This janky-ass party need a kicker.
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- What's crackin', my ni-i-igs?
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- Milk, is that you?
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It's Chocolate Milk, homey,
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and thanks to the Rachel Dolezal tanning salon,
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I'm "black-ish," my nigs.
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- Part of me wants to smack him. The other wants to dap him.
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- Bars. - Well, while you contemplating,
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let's get this shit lit.
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- Aye, homey, no reniggin'.
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He got me!
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Deep burn.
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- Damn, my nig, hangin' with the brown boy
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formerly known as white could get us nuts deep in black booty.
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- Yeah, we might even get some of his after-skeets.
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Hey, you trying to cuddle with this puddle
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and, uh, touch taste buds ?
106
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- Fuck off. I'm trying to get
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dicked down by this butterscotch brownie.
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- Oh! That's our nig! You wanna meet him?
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'Cause maybe we can arrange something.
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Maybe a little tit for dat?
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- Oh, shit, you shoulda led with that.
112
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- I jumped on the grenade last time.
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- Mm-mm. Ho, but I fucked Dellavedova bareback
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and he wasn't even starting, bitch.
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- Hello, can somebody make a decision please?
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- Fuck it. Let's just flip for it.
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- Yass!
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- Oh, fuck.
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both: Mmm.
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- Hey, quit hogging the stink, Jamal.
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- Mmm.
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- Hey, Milk. You better call me.
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- Okay.
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- Hey, that party was lit, but you know
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it ain't no fun if your homeys don't get none.
126
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- Funny, the homeys is the only ones that say that.
127
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- Yo, you gon' play us like that?
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- Y'all know the drill. I keep the nines and dimes.
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Y'all can have my soft sixes and sevens,
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but I get all them Caribbeans. "Non-negrotiable."
131
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- Maybe your "light-skindedness" can help me get Cindy.
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- Whatever you need.
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What up, my nig? - Look, I don't care
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what transition you go through,
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you still can't be saying "nig" to me.
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You always gon' be white Milk.
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- Nah, it's Chocolate Milk, homey,
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'cause I got that Nestlé Quik dick.
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Stay black.
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- See, this another thing I been talking about.
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White appropriation.
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They take our fashion, our music, our culture.
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Why don't they take something black people don't want?
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Like diabetes, sickle cell, Omarosa,
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OJ, the electoral college, swimming pools,
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police beatings, the city of Atlanta.
147
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- Talking during the movie.
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- Black female customers.
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- Hey, motherfuckers, I do the rants.
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both: Sorry, boss.
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- Now, where was I? Oh, yeah, Charles Barkley.
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- What's up, Chocolate Milk?
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- I want you to give me that Vitamin D, Milk.
154
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- Hey, it's Chocolate Milk
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and the bros that aren't Chocolate Milk.
156
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- You hear that? They talking about us.
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- Hey, there go Cindy.
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Now, put your high yellow magic to work
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and help make Cindy's pants disappear.
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- Hey, Cindy, I was wondering if you'd go out with a nig?
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- Yeah, I'll go out with you.
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- What the fuck? Cindy, what about my dick?
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- Shut up, nigga! Don't mess this up for me.
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- Okay, then.
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- Uh, did I just overhear you going out with Cindy?
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You promised we could hang out tonight.
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- Don't worry, baby, there's enough Nutella
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to spread on both them cheeks.
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Hit me later. I gots to go put some primpin' in my pimpin'.
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I'll see you two crotch goblins at the Blue Crab.
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Don't be late.
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- You trying to knock down Cindy and A'pos'trafee'a?
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Man, you being a ball hog.
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- Why would I pass when I got this big, black mamba, my nig?
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Kobe!
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Ah! What you do that for? I can say it now.
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- That one's for not being my nig
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and mentioning Kobe.
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- Look, we're finally black brothers.
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We ain't supposed to be beefing.
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You know I ain't trying to smash Cindy.
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But I am "finna" see what that mouth do.
183
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- Ooh! - I never liked you anyway,
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you pretty, beige motherfucker!
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- Oh, you gon' let him do that, Grove?
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You're the one who--
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All right, all right, that's enough.
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- What's y'all problem? You been actin'
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straight up hateful eight ever since I cured my Vitiligo.
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- Milk, bro. Brody. Honky. You're white.
191
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- Hey, we can't choose the skin we in.
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- That's exactly what you did.
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You need to get off your own dick.
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- Hey, you right. I got Cindy for that.
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- I should fuck him up.
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- I don't know, my nig. He can probably fight now.
197
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- Loosen up! We gotta win this thing,
198
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so I'm putting you in the game, motherfucker!
199
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- Oh, yeah, man, let's go! - About time Coach Bundy
200
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stopped trippin'! - Aw, hell yeah.
201
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- Nobody's talking to you two brownies!
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I'm talking to this handsome,
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Klay Thompson-lookin' motherfucker.
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- Wha-- - What?
205
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- Everybody knows if it ain't light, it ain't right!
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And it damn sure ain't getting in the game tonight!
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Bars!
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- Coach Bundy only fuck with real black...
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legends.
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all: Chocolate Milk! Chocolate Milk!
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Chocolate Milk! Chocolate Milk!
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Chocolate Milk!
213
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I got a foul on two-four.
214
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- Hell "jeah!"
215
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- Come on, ref. I ain't even touch him!
216
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- Put your hands behind your back.
217
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- What? It was just a foul.
218
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- Well, you fouled one of the good ones.
219
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- That's what that light privilege do.
220
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- I'm tired of all this love Milk's been getting.
221
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- You overreacting, Grove. Sure, Milk's soaking
222
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in the "house-niggy" shine right now,
223
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but it ain't nothing to get salty about.
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Ah! The last sloppy joe!
225
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Ah! What the fuck, Gladys?
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I thought we had something special!
227
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You at least gonna share some of that, right?
228
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- Mmm. This the best thing I ever tasted.
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Too bad I'm not hungry.
230
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- Fuck you, Gladys!
231
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That's why you had three miscarriages,
232
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you barren, syphilitic, sour-wombed cunt!
233
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Ooh, fish sticks! I'll take two, please.
234
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- Milk, this is an official black cease and desist letter,
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drawn up by my Hebrew Israelite lawyer.
236
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- Hebrew Israelite?
237
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- If I'ma have a Jew as a lawyer,
238
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he gonna at least be a og jew.
239
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- Read it out loud! Out loud!
240
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- "I hereby demand that"--
241
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- Not like that! Like this!
242
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I hereby demand
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the white cracker devil stop perpetrating his fraud
244
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and go back to the caves from whence he came!
245
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- Now, if you'll just sign here.
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- Man, I'm sick of "dark-skinded" nigs.
247
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Y'all been brainwashed by BET and liberal white women.
248
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You think you entitled to some shit
249
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just 'cause you sub-Saharan, then you hate on a nig
250
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that's actually trying to achieve?
251
00:10:35,533 --> 00:10:37,700
- You're achieving because you pass the paper bag test.
252
00:10:37,700 --> 00:10:39,533
White guilt makes folks overcompensate,
253
00:10:39,533 --> 00:10:41,067
but only on light-skinned blacks.
254
00:10:41,067 --> 00:10:43,833
You're a shade closer to them and therefore more palatable.
255
00:10:43,833 --> 00:10:46,200
- I think all y'all just mad 'cause my black life
256
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,233
matters more than yours. Now if you'll excuse me,
257
00:10:48,233 --> 00:10:50,167
I'ma go to the tanning salon and hit these palms.
258
00:10:50,167 --> 00:10:53,833
- So, Milk wants to be black, huh?
259
00:11:04,767 --> 00:11:06,567
- Nah, he gon' learn today.
260
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,267
- What you screaming at?
261
00:11:24,267 --> 00:11:26,600
Aww, hell "jeah!"
262
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:29,267
Shoshana, you are so fired!
263
00:11:29,267 --> 00:11:31,200
Alert the authorities.
264
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:33,733
- Aww, fuck "jeah!"
265
00:11:38,233 --> 00:11:39,833
Aw, damn.
266
00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:06,067
- It's not personal. I'm just a little scared.
267
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,800
- How could you miss cram school, Jae Kim?
268
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,300
What were you doing?
269
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,533
- I'm sorry, Father. I was hanging out with Malik.
270
00:12:13,533 --> 00:12:16,867
- How many times have I told you not to associate with that ni--
271
00:12:16,867 --> 00:12:17,900
Oh!
272
00:12:17,900 --> 00:12:18,767
A customer!
273
00:12:18,767 --> 00:12:21,433
I'm sorry, we are out of Swishers.
274
00:12:21,433 --> 00:12:22,833
- I ain't here for no Swishers.
275
00:12:22,833 --> 00:12:24,267
- Then we closed.
276
00:12:24,267 --> 00:12:25,733
- But the sign say you open.
277
00:12:25,733 --> 00:12:28,533
- Asian closed look very similar to American open.
278
00:12:28,533 --> 00:12:29,533
It all about how you look at it.
279
00:12:29,533 --> 00:12:32,967
- We close for... Asian Holiday.
280
00:12:32,967 --> 00:12:35,067
Jae Kim, streamers!
281
00:12:37,367 --> 00:12:40,900
- Man, whatever. Y'all do you and I'ma do me.
282
00:12:49,867 --> 00:12:52,167
- You buy and go!
283
00:12:52,167 --> 00:12:54,333
I feel sorry for your mother.
284
00:12:54,333 --> 00:12:55,700
- Hey, what's wrong, Draymond?
285
00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:57,533
- Hey, lately folks been acting different.
286
00:12:57,533 --> 00:12:58,633
- Let me guess, they're trippin', and you went
287
00:12:58,633 --> 00:13:01,700
from first class jackass to second class citizen.
288
00:13:01,700 --> 00:13:03,400
- Jeah! - Hey, that's the black trap,
289
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,700
man. When the lights get dimmer, people get scared.
290
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:07,067
- That ain't cool. Shit starting to piss me off.
291
00:13:07,067 --> 00:13:09,567
What am I supposed to do?
292
00:13:09,567 --> 00:13:10,367
- Do what every black man does when he runs out of options--
293
00:13:10,367 --> 00:13:12,700
go get a job at the airport,
294
00:13:12,700 --> 00:13:14,900
or move in with a white woman, or open up a barbershop.
295
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,300
- Hands up, asshole!
296
00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:28,633
- Oh, what up, Neal and Jamie?
297
00:13:28,633 --> 00:13:30,767
I don't need a ride along, but appreciate you.
298
00:13:30,767 --> 00:13:32,567
- Shut up, Draymond. Up against the wall.
299
00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:33,600
- Where are you going in that gang attire?
300
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,333
- Gang attire? You mean this hoodie?
301
00:13:35,333 --> 00:13:37,533
- I don't care what you and your homeboys
302
00:13:37,533 --> 00:13:39,867
call it in the trap house. I said--
303
00:13:39,867 --> 00:13:41,367
Skeetles! Skeetles!
304
00:13:41,367 --> 00:13:42,400
Code Eggplant!
305
00:13:48,567 --> 00:13:49,700
- This some ol' bullshit.
306
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:57,100
- Hey, what's up, my "Thicky" Minaj a trois?
307
00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:58,333
Sorry I'm late.
308
00:13:58,333 --> 00:14:00,400
- Eww. Why you look like you been in a fire?
309
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:01,200
- Hmm. More like two fires.
310
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,433
- Ain't no thang, baby,
311
00:14:02,433 --> 00:14:04,333
just a little mishap at the dermo.
312
00:14:04,333 --> 00:14:05,933
I'm still black like me, though.
313
00:14:05,933 --> 00:14:06,733
Let's just order.
314
00:14:09,533 --> 00:14:11,700
- Uh-uh, nope, I can't do this.
315
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:14,367
He's just too black. I done lost my appetite.
316
00:14:14,367 --> 00:14:16,433
- Eww, he remind me of Harambe.
317
00:14:16,433 --> 00:14:18,800
Now I'm just sad. Ooh, I can't eat either.
318
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:20,200
- Oh, so now y'all gon' segregate this nine?
319
00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:25,400
- Mama, hope you made some grits and hot links for dinner.
320
00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,233
Hey, don't hurt me!
321
00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:28,533
Here, take my wife!
322
00:14:28,533 --> 00:14:32,100
Oh, yeah, take me.
323
00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:33,233
- Whoa! Come on, Ma. It's me.
324
00:14:33,233 --> 00:14:35,600
- Milton? - Milky?
325
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,367
- Well, now I guess I'll never know who his dad is.
326
00:14:37,367 --> 00:14:39,733
- Wait, he's black now?
327
00:14:39,733 --> 00:14:41,800
We didn't have a family meeting about this.
328
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,067
The Yeezys alone will bankrupt us.
329
00:14:44,067 --> 00:14:46,900
Nope, uh-uh, not happening. This is my limit.
330
00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:49,567
It's either me or the dark side.
331
00:14:49,567 --> 00:14:52,533
- Cool, may the Force be with you, buster-ass Uncle Joey.
332
00:14:52,533 --> 00:14:54,133
- Maybe you should go, Milk.
333
00:14:54,133 --> 00:14:56,100
- Ma, is you serious?
334
00:14:58,433 --> 00:14:59,833
Fuck y'all then.
335
00:14:59,833 --> 00:15:04,200
- Oh, my son's blackness made me a little moist.
336
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,633
Let's not waste it.
337
00:15:08,633 --> 00:15:10,767
- Damn, Exxon "Val-deez" nuts. What happened to you?
338
00:15:10,767 --> 00:15:13,500
- My blackness got me kicked out the house.
339
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:15,567
I had to sleep on Afrika Bambaataa's couch,
340
00:15:15,567 --> 00:15:16,733
which is on his porch.
341
00:15:16,733 --> 00:15:18,500
- Well, congrats on being black, my nigga.
342
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:22,100
I think I smell gout. You made it.
343
00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:23,800
- Uh, thank you?
344
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,667
Hey, Jamal, how many combs you go through a week?
345
00:15:25,667 --> 00:15:29,433
- None, my nig. I got Indian in my family.
346
00:15:29,433 --> 00:15:31,567
7-Eleven, not casino.
347
00:15:31,567 --> 00:15:35,233
- Damn, you lucky. Y'all still some haters, though.
348
00:15:35,233 --> 00:15:37,267
- I bet when he wash his hair, his scalp don't get wet.
349
00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:42,100
- Starting five, get your motherfucking asses
350
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:43,633
on the court!
351
00:15:43,633 --> 00:15:45,433
Where the fuck you think you going, Nappy King Cole?
352
00:15:45,433 --> 00:15:47,600
- Out on the court, Coach.
353
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,233
- You ain't going nowhere, motherfucker!
354
00:15:49,233 --> 00:15:50,433
- Why not?
355
00:15:50,433 --> 00:15:51,300
- Do I gotta click it to you, Mutombo?
356
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:54,467
You don't know the rules to the game!
357
00:15:54,467 --> 00:15:56,800
I can't have you out there,
358
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:58,767
kicking the basketball like it's goddamn soccer!
359
00:15:58,767 --> 00:16:00,933
It's a miracle you even got on shoes.
360
00:16:00,933 --> 00:16:02,567
- Man, this-tarbaby on-some-end-Aparteid
361
00:16:02,567 --> 00:16:04,367
free-Madoo-voovoozella type-shit.
362
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,533
- What happened to him?
363
00:16:08,533 --> 00:16:09,800
He look like a pair of police boot.
364
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,367
- Eww, he look like a glass of Coke
365
00:16:12,367 --> 00:16:14,167
with two lemons. Ah!
366
00:16:14,167 --> 00:16:17,300
- Bro's black as shit!
367
00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:17,967
- The fuck y'all want?
368
00:16:17,967 --> 00:16:19,467
- Yo, Milk, what's good?
369
00:16:19,467 --> 00:16:20,500
- Why you rolling up on me
370
00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:21,933
like I'm selling loose cigarettes?
371
00:16:21,933 --> 00:16:24,200
- We with you. No need to get mad at us.
372
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:25,367
Just calm down!
373
00:16:25,367 --> 00:16:26,667
- I am calm, buster!
374
00:16:26,667 --> 00:16:30,167
- Nice moves on the court, Ashy Mamba.
375
00:16:30,167 --> 00:16:31,767
- It's like the whole world against me
376
00:16:31,767 --> 00:16:33,533
and now y'all gon' front on me, too?
377
00:16:34,967 --> 00:16:38,067
- Aww, what's the matter? You gonna cry?
378
00:16:38,067 --> 00:16:39,100
Probably cries shoe polish.
379
00:16:39,100 --> 00:16:41,900
- Get it? 'Cause he's so black?
380
00:16:42,367 --> 00:16:43,333
- Harambe.
381
00:16:43,333 --> 00:16:45,200
- You buy and go!
382
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,633
- Stop resisting.
383
00:16:46,633 --> 00:16:48,300
- You look like you've been in a fire.
384
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:50,333
- Bro's black as shit.
385
00:16:50,333 --> 00:16:51,300
- Draymond. - Draymond.
386
00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:53,300
all: Draymond!
387
00:16:55,067 --> 00:16:57,167
- Hey, what's wrong with you? You need to chill.
388
00:16:57,167 --> 00:16:58,467
- Need to chill?
389
00:16:58,467 --> 00:17:00,667
Need to chill? Need to chill?
390
00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:04,600
- Oh, goddamn.
391
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:05,967
- You got something to say?
392
00:17:05,967 --> 00:17:08,567
- Man, come on, man, don't nobody care--
393
00:17:08,567 --> 00:17:10,567
Damn, nigga. That's gon' leave a mark.
394
00:17:17,867 --> 00:17:19,867
- Okay, Milk, chill. You got 'em.
395
00:17:19,867 --> 00:17:24,200
- Yeah, so why don't you just take it easy?
396
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:25,400
- Why I always gotta be the one to take it easy?
397
00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:26,900
Why, Jamal? Huh?
398
00:17:26,900 --> 00:17:30,600
- 'Cause you look like Draymond, my nig.
399
00:17:33,767 --> 00:17:36,700
- Uh, we may need to do something about this
400
00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:37,367
before it gets out of hand.
401
00:17:37,367 --> 00:17:39,433
- Yeah, I know.
402
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:43,267
- Let's go to Starbucks, sit outside, and brainstorm.
403
00:17:45,967 --> 00:17:47,900
Oh, shit. - Yeezus Christ!
404
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,733
- Sorry, cuz, I thought you was an intruder.
405
00:17:49,733 --> 00:17:51,700
- My bad. - But you in my house.
406
00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:53,567
- Hey, stall Shea out.
407
00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:55,100
He trying to protect our castle.
408
00:17:55,100 --> 00:17:56,633
It's called Homeland Security, nigga.
409
00:17:56,633 --> 00:17:58,800
- Montrel, we need your help.
410
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,067
- Let me guess, white boy done snapped,
411
00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:02,633
tearing shit up and shit.
412
00:18:02,633 --> 00:18:04,733
- Wow, is you telepathic?
413
00:18:04,733 --> 00:18:07,500
- Man, I been watching it on Worldstar all day.
414
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:09,100
That shit hilarious.
415
00:18:09,100 --> 00:18:10,867
- Good, now he know what it's like.
416
00:18:10,867 --> 00:18:12,667
- What is you talking about, Malik?
417
00:18:12,667 --> 00:18:13,667
- I'm the one who turned up the dial
418
00:18:13,667 --> 00:18:15,133
on that counterfeit negro.
419
00:18:15,133 --> 00:18:17,867
He needed to learn a lesson on the actual factual black.
420
00:18:17,867 --> 00:18:19,833
- You know Milk can't handle that kind of darkness.
421
00:18:19,833 --> 00:18:22,100
- Hey, you shoulda stopped at Wesley, cuz.
422
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:23,333
- You right. Milk hasn't had a lifetime
423
00:18:23,333 --> 00:18:26,867
to build up enough stamina for all that niggy-ness.
424
00:18:26,867 --> 00:18:28,933
We gotta figure out a way to boot him back to Bieber.
425
00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:31,400
- Man, real talk, I wouldn't change shit.
426
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,800
I fuck with that nigga.
427
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,100
- If you wanna unblack Milk,
428
00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:37,100
you gotta get him an old-fashioned "blaxorcism."
429
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:38,133
And I know a place that can hook you up.
430
00:18:38,133 --> 00:18:41,133
- Just like they did Raven-Symoné, cuz.
431
00:18:43,867 --> 00:18:46,333
- Hmm, this is very troubling.
432
00:18:46,333 --> 00:18:48,067
You were right to come here.
433
00:18:48,067 --> 00:18:49,433
At this rate, this young man is
434
00:18:49,433 --> 00:18:51,833
going to either end up dead, in prison,
435
00:18:51,833 --> 00:18:54,467
or married to a reality show Armenian.
436
00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:56,400
Those first two are viable options,
437
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,300
but I will not tolerate the third.
438
00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:00,967
- Is there anything you can do?
439
00:19:00,967 --> 00:19:02,800
- We've had a great deal of success
440
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,167
dealing with angry black men.
441
00:19:05,167 --> 00:19:07,467
You just leave him to us.
442
00:19:16,167 --> 00:19:18,567
Get off me, homey!
443
00:19:18,567 --> 00:19:20,067
What y'all doing?
444
00:19:25,767 --> 00:19:28,100
Whichever nig got me up here about to catch a fade.
445
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,600
- Oh, you think you're tough, huh?
446
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:31,300
- Who said that?
447
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:33,733
- It's me, Joe Jackson.
448
00:19:33,733 --> 00:19:34,967
- Uh, Rebbie's dad?
449
00:19:34,967 --> 00:19:36,800
- I'm sorry, who? Oh, that's right.
450
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:37,700
She the one that did "Centipede."
451
00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:39,133
Yeah, that's me.
452
00:19:39,133 --> 00:19:41,267
They put me in charge of lightening you up, boy.
453
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:42,367
Heh-heh, worked for Michael.
454
00:19:42,367 --> 00:19:44,867
Who do you think changed his look in '89?
455
00:19:44,867 --> 00:19:46,100
And '94?
456
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:48,200
And here's how I'm gonna change you.
457
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,367
I'm gon' break you. I'm gon' work you.
458
00:19:50,367 --> 00:19:52,367
I'ma whip you till your back gives out.
459
00:19:52,367 --> 00:19:55,067
And that will be the story of you, Milk.
460
00:19:55,067 --> 00:19:56,367
- You put your hands on me,
461
00:19:56,367 --> 00:19:58,533
and I'm gonna stick my foot up your ass, buster.
462
00:19:58,533 --> 00:20:00,767
- Oh, you wanna be starting something, huh?
463
00:20:00,767 --> 00:20:03,067
You think you're bad? Well, I'm off the wall.
464
00:20:04,267 --> 00:20:05,133
- Now...
465
00:20:05,133 --> 00:20:05,767
- Ah! - What's your name, boy?
466
00:20:05,767 --> 00:20:07,767
- Milk.
467
00:20:07,767 --> 00:20:09,667
- Your name is Tito.
468
00:20:09,667 --> 00:20:10,700
- I mean Milton.
469
00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:13,000
- That is for making me correct myself.
470
00:20:16,867 --> 00:20:18,700
- Now, what's your name, boy?
471
00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:20,567
- Milton.
472
00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:21,167
What's this?
473
00:20:21,167 --> 00:20:22,033
- It's your Oscar.
474
00:20:22,033 --> 00:20:24,600
All white people get one.
475
00:20:25,633 --> 00:20:27,033
- What up, my dudes?
476
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,167
- Sorry we had to put you through all that,
477
00:20:31,167 --> 00:20:32,733
but you was getting out of pocket.
478
00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:33,967
- Don't even sweat it.
479
00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:36,033
From now on, I'ma leave the dark-skinned stuff
480
00:20:36,033 --> 00:20:37,667
to Terry Crews's forehead.
481
00:20:37,667 --> 00:20:38,933
I'm just glad everything is black to normal.
482
00:20:38,933 --> 00:20:40,367
- Now that you white again,
483
00:20:40,367 --> 00:20:43,467
you gotta pay back all those nigs you was popping off
484
00:20:43,467 --> 00:20:46,100
when you thought you was a real nig, my nig.
485
00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:51,400
Ah, easy with the nails, my nig!
486
00:21:05,133 --> 00:21:06,700
- Ah, damn, the show over!
35879
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