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Get away from me!
2
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Milk! Milk, you in there?
3
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Grover, Jamal!
4
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Come on, y'all, stop playing! Open the door!
5
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Whew.
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- 'Sup, little brody? What's going on?
7
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- Niggas is trying to kill me!
8
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- Nigga, did you just say the N word?
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- You mean black brothers is after you, right?
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- No, niggas! Look!
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- Oh, shit!
12
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Hey, my dudes.
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I just busted three nuts in under a minute.
14
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That's got to be a world record, right?
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16
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- Yo, all I'm saying is,
17
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someone shot me a Periscope of a Vine
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of a Snapchat of a screengrab
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of a text--
20
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That say they saw Cindy pee in the shower.
21
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- You hear that?
22
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Your girl like them golden showers.
23
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I wonder if she mud sharks
24
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in the back of the toilet too.
25
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You already know them Germans is on that.
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- Y'all need to OJ that shit.
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Cindy's a classy lady
28
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and my future baby mama.
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-
30
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Are you ready for some sex?
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-
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- Snoring sounds like consent to me, bitch.
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Are you ready for my big, fat Albert?
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- Oh, shit, it's a Bill Cosby sex tape.
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- Time to put the pudding pop
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where it doesn't go.
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It's not rape
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if she's not awake.
40
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- Oh, shit.
41
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Cindy finally hit me back.
42
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She must want to get wifed up.
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- Say what, my nig?
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- I mean, she must want to have her cakes beat
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with no emotional connection.
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- Damn, I can't find the sex tape.
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- I got it, but it ain't playing.
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What the fuck is a buffering?
49
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- Where'd it go?
50
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- Thanks, Obama.
51
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- God damn it, Cosby! What the fuck?
52
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- Man, this is some whole hey-hey-hey type shit.
53
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I'ma go home and watch Ray J.
54
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- Whoa, what?
55
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- I ain't getting no data now.
56
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- Me neither.
57
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Damn Huxtable roofied the whole Internet.
58
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- I got to go see what Cindy was texting me about.
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I'll holler. - Where you going?
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- To the library, my nigs.
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I know they got Wi-Fi.
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- What's a li-burry?
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- It's where homeless people chill when Starbucks is closed.
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Damn, it's like Hogwarts, my nig,
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but without the whimsy.
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- Aye, who the fuck is Whimsy?
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- Oh, shit, that's the librarian.
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- Sorry, old-ass lady.
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I thought you was mark-ass Whimsy.
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- If you could just get us online,
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we'll be on our way.
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You hit like a bitch.
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- Aah!
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- Follow me.
76
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- God damn, now we ain't never gonna see
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what Big Bill was working with.
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- Fuck Bill, I'm trying to hit Cindy back.
79
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- Ladies and gentlemen,
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at approximately 11:37 am Pacific Standard Time,
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some four minutes ago,
82
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the Internet broke.
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We're receiving word that the cellular network
84
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is also down.
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May God have mercy on our souls.
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87
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88
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- God damn it, navigation system.
89
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What do I do? What do I do?
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Argh!
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92
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- What the fuck?
93
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Well, fuck it--might as well get a smoke break.
94
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Damn, no game, no weed.
95
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What else can a nigga do?
96
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- Oh, well, I guess I can learn
97
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how to get this bread.
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99
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- You broke it, cabron, like for serious.
100
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- No, I didn't even touch it.
101
00:04:02,808 --> 00:04:03,741
- Give it to me and stuff, ese.
102
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I don't know what you talking about.
103
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Give it to me, you-- - Shhh!
104
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- Welcome back to MSNBC.
105
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The White House has confirmed that the World Wide Web
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is currently broke.
107
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The outage was caused by a nationwide spike in traffic
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following the leak of a Bill Cosby sex tape.
109
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- The government has assured us
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they are doing everything they can to fix the situation,
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so we all can get a good look at Bill's BBC.
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- Can't wait, Thad.
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And now, back to our special airing
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of "Ghost Dad."
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- This is amazing. - Amazing?
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Esto es mierda.
117
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- You don't see it, do you?
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If you take away the mindless drivel
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that corporations peddle in the name of entertainment
120
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and eliminate access to unrealistic portrayals
121
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of intimacy, people will return
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to what really matters.
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- What's that, ese?
124
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- The black man.
125
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- Hey, straight up, I'm gonna miss "Yo Gabba Gabba."
126
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- Man, y'all too old for that "Yo Gabba Gabba."
127
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Y'all need to get up on that "Doc McStuffins, Black Doctor."
128
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What y'all looking all stunned for?
129
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You think I'ma trust The Man
130
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with my communications?
131
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Miss me with that Patriot Act biz, breh.
132
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I hacked into a Chinese satellite.
133
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I'm off the grid, son.
134
00:05:05,237 --> 00:05:06,370
- Now, that's gangster.
135
00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:08,672
- Who wants to watch a crooked cop get beat down?
136
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- Me, me--I do, I do! - Me, over here!
137
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138
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- All this destruction,
139
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where we gonna eat, bruh?
140
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- I just hope Cindy's okay, my nigs,
141
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'cause if the world's gonna end,
142
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it's gonna end with my thang in her mouth.
143
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- Man, who care about her swampy ass?
144
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She probably kicking it with Randy somewhere,
145
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eating boogers or peeing on each other
146
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or some other shit.
147
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I'm ain't finna die for her dirty ass.
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- I'm gonna let the disrespect slide for the moment,
149
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but only because we just saw a dude
150
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get his face eaten off by cats.
151
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- Gah!
152
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- The streets is getting real.
153
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Maybe we should just roll to Milk's house.
154
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- Whoa, pump them brakes, thickness.
155
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What about your house?
156
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- Nah, Shamal's there, and she fat.
157
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What about Grover's? - My house?
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Milk's the one that lives in the gated neighborhood.
159
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- Yeah, and didn't you say your moms
160
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and that bitch-ass nig Uncle Joey was on vacation?
161
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I don't care if the Internet's broke!
162
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I am white. Make it work!
163
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- Yo, this ho is turning into a bitch.
164
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Let's get to my crib ASAPer than Rocky.
165
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Look at us--having a great time,
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playing a game invented in ancient Africa.
167
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We don't need no Xbox.
168
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- Yo, we not making no bread, Malik.
169
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- Yo, Malik, my cousin Chuy need to use the computer.
170
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- What?
171
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- He need to fill out his unemployment.
172
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- Rodrigo, you out here running your mouth
173
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about my broadband?
174
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What I tell you about putting my business in the streets?
175
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Chuy give you this. You like?
176
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- What am I gonna do with a toy truck?
177
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- Or I got this. - Hmm.
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- There's a lot more where this came from.
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- You got the juice now.
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- Yeah, and I'm thirsty.
181
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182
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- That's it, we locked up tighter
183
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than Rick Ross's skinny jeans.
184
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Ain't no mark-ass poor people getting in here now.
185
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- Yo, what do you think Cindy meant by "hey"?
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Do you think it was a "You're a cool guy,
187
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and I'd love to kick it after school" type of "hey,"
188
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or more of a "Damn, Grover, I want to high-five your dick
189
00:07:05,791 --> 00:07:06,857
with my mouth" type of "hey"?
190
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- Honestly, bro, I don't even know why you want
191
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to step to Cindy after all that shit Jamal said.
192
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- You don't really believe him, do you?
193
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Where's he at, anyway?
194
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- Next. - Wait!
195
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I had a triple word score!
196
00:07:20,673 --> 00:07:23,140
- I was hoping for five minutes.
197
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- Pete, put eyes on this.
198
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- It's vintage. - It's costume.
199
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Three minutes tops!
200
00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:31,248
- She lied. Give her ten seconds.
201
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:32,983
- Thank you so much.
202
00:07:37,823 --> 00:07:39,690
- Size? - Seven, sir.
203
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- Man, I wear a grade school six.
204
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- Hey, I wear a seven.
205
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- Didn't nobody ask you what size you wear, Pete.
206
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- Man, that's fucked up.
207
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- Give him 20 seconds.
208
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Give me the shoes.
209
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- 500SL convertible.
210
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- Seven minutes.
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- Nailed it.
212
00:08:02,648 --> 00:08:03,647
- Hey, there, sweetie,
213
00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:06,450
come to the free adult version of Facebook
214
00:08:06,452 --> 00:08:08,619
at Slitfinder.com.
215
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- Earmuffs!
216
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:12,923
- What the fuck?
217
00:08:12,925 --> 00:08:15,058
Jamal done went Medina all over my kitchen.
218
00:08:15,060 --> 00:08:16,593
- He left one tangerines, though.
219
00:08:16,595 --> 00:08:18,662
- Man, I don't eat no tree garbage.
220
00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:19,863
I drink all my fruits in soda.
221
00:08:19,865 --> 00:08:22,165
- You know what he likes to do after he eats?
222
00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:23,500
- Take a nap. - After that?
223
00:08:23,502 --> 00:08:24,968
- Take a shit. - After that?
224
00:08:24,970 --> 00:08:27,638
- Lick his fingers. - After that?
225
00:08:29,007 --> 00:08:30,974
- Rhiyonce!
226
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- Mm-mm-mm, did you finish?
227
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I did--twice.
228
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Remember, it's our secret.
229
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,283
- Jesus, it stinks in here.
230
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It smells like sweaty balls,
231
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cheese, and burnt rubber.
232
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- A booty bouquet.
233
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- Rhi Rhi, did he hurt you?
234
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What the fuck is that look?
235
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I know you ain't go raw in my girl.
236
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- Is there any other way?
237
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- You fat bitch. - Fuck that blow-up trick.
238
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What we gonna do for food?
239
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We gonna starve to death because of selfish-ass
240
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CeeLo Green over here.
241
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- CeeLo?
242
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I always thought of myself
243
00:09:01,140 --> 00:09:03,140
as a young Big Sean type of nig.
244
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- Man, we arguing like some NBA hoes
245
00:09:05,444 --> 00:09:06,610
at All-Star Weekend.
246
00:09:06,612 --> 00:09:08,278
Let's just go to Food for Mo.
247
00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:11,348
- Food for Mo ain't no mo.
248
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:14,117
- Oh, shit.
249
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We gonna die!
250
00:09:17,288 --> 00:09:19,690
- Now, how this shit gonna be called "The Profit"
251
00:09:19,692 --> 00:09:21,491
when he ain't make no bread?
252
00:09:21,493 --> 00:09:22,326
Man, this some bullshit.
253
00:09:22,328 --> 00:09:24,695
Your boy 'Trely can do better than that.
254
00:09:28,299 --> 00:09:29,366
Now, before I go any further,
255
00:09:29,368 --> 00:09:32,803
I'ma need a pseudonym to protect my street cred.
256
00:09:32,805 --> 00:09:35,105
Hmm, Mark Make It Twain?
257
00:09:35,107 --> 00:09:36,473
Edgar Allan Never-Poe?
258
00:09:36,475 --> 00:09:39,309
Oh, I got it. Blunter S. Thompson.
259
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Yeah, that shit amazing!
260
00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:44,881
- Now how we gonna survive?
261
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We got no food and no weapons.
262
00:09:46,452 --> 00:09:49,619
All we got is water and one bitch-ass tangerines.
263
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- And it's only a matter of time
264
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before those fools break down the gate.
265
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I'm trying to be a legend,
266
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not "I Am Legend."
267
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:57,728
- Yo, straight up, if this go down,
268
00:09:57,730 --> 00:09:58,562
I'm eating the rapist.
269
00:09:58,564 --> 00:10:00,464
Mmm, look at all that shoulder meat.
270
00:10:00,466 --> 00:10:02,332
- Eating the homey feels kind of gay,
271
00:10:02,334 --> 00:10:04,067
unless you got some hot sauce.
272
00:10:04,069 --> 00:10:04,968
- You know what? Fuck that.
273
00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:08,405
Uncle Joey got one of them Jodie Foster-type panic rooms.
274
00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:09,673
Grover, you can roll.
275
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:11,475
Jamal, Rhiyonce's coming with me,
276
00:10:11,477 --> 00:10:13,143
so you can go fuck yourself, fat boy.
277
00:10:13,145 --> 00:10:18,482
- Guys, seriously, though, my corn syrups is getting low.
278
00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:21,284
- He got all kinds of good shit in there--
279
00:10:21,286 --> 00:10:22,152
food, water.
280
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:24,354
He even got that BET "Baldwin Hills"
281
00:10:24,356 --> 00:10:25,355
collector set on DVD.
282
00:10:25,357 --> 00:10:28,291
And, rapist, you ain't gonna see none of it.
283
00:10:29,128 --> 00:10:30,527
Oh, shit, he changed it,
284
00:10:30,529 --> 00:10:31,862
just like a bitch-ass white boy.
285
00:10:31,864 --> 00:10:34,531
Now what? - Hurry, I'm about to crash.
286
00:10:34,533 --> 00:10:36,299
- That's what your greedy ass get.
287
00:10:36,301 --> 00:10:38,135
- Hey, y'all, keep a cool booty.
288
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:39,603
- Duke, go get bitch-ass Uncle Joey
289
00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:42,105
and tell him we need the code to the panic room.
290
00:10:42,107 --> 00:10:43,640
Oh, and before you leave,
291
00:10:43,642 --> 00:10:45,075
tell him eat a dick.
292
00:10:46,745 --> 00:10:48,712
- We need a landline, my nigs.
293
00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:49,513
- The hell is that?
294
00:10:49,515 --> 00:10:50,580
- It's a sort of communication
295
00:10:50,582 --> 00:10:52,649
that old nigs used to talk to each other.
296
00:10:52,651 --> 00:10:54,484
We just need to find a old person.
297
00:10:54,486 --> 00:10:55,619
I'm sure they'll have one.
298
00:10:55,621 --> 00:10:57,487
- Oh, I know. Old-ass Miss Jenkins.
299
00:10:57,489 --> 00:11:01,291
- Hopefully she got some pie chilling on the windowsill.
300
00:11:01,293 --> 00:11:03,326
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
301
00:11:03,328 --> 00:11:04,294
- Let's gear up.
302
00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:07,464
303
00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:10,367
Jamal, come on.
304
00:11:17,642 --> 00:11:18,909
Almost there.
305
00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:25,182
- Ooh, shit, it's Kobe Bryant.
306
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:25,816
- Help me.
307
00:11:25,818 --> 00:11:27,084
- Just pass me the trophies,
308
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:28,618
and we'll pull you out.
309
00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:29,486
- Pass?
310
00:11:32,057 --> 00:11:34,291
- These was Shaq's anyway.
311
00:11:36,895 --> 00:11:38,695
- I don't think anybody's home.
312
00:11:38,697 --> 00:11:41,064
What the hell are you doing, Milk?
313
00:11:41,066 --> 00:11:41,865
- Being a G.
314
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:42,899
The world's ending, my dudes,
315
00:11:42,901 --> 00:11:45,368
and we ain't going out like no punks.
316
00:11:45,370 --> 00:11:46,636
Shamon.
317
00:11:48,406 --> 00:11:50,807
Oh, look at this bitch photo album.
318
00:11:50,809 --> 00:11:51,608
She older than wood.
319
00:11:51,610 --> 00:11:54,611
Damn, Ms. Jenkins was the original jump-off.
320
00:11:54,613 --> 00:11:56,213
Ken Griffey Juniors,
321
00:11:56,215 --> 00:11:57,247
Magic Johnsons,
322
00:11:57,249 --> 00:11:58,115
Shawn Kemps,
323
00:11:58,117 --> 00:12:00,016
Martin Luther King Seniors?
324
00:12:00,018 --> 00:12:00,917
- Man, check these out.
325
00:12:00,919 --> 00:12:03,420
Miss Jenkins is packin' in the backin'.
326
00:12:03,422 --> 00:12:04,454
Booty for weeks.
327
00:12:04,456 --> 00:12:06,623
- Oh, hell, yeah-- teeth in the jar.
328
00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:08,959
You know she give them good gummies.
329
00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:11,261
- Uhh! Come on, can!
330
00:12:11,263 --> 00:12:12,095
Uhh!
331
00:12:12,097 --> 00:12:13,864
Can't get this shit open. Uhh!
332
00:12:13,866 --> 00:12:16,099
- Jamal, no!
333
00:12:16,869 --> 00:12:18,835
- I'm a legend, bitch.
334
00:12:18,837 --> 00:12:22,205
- You idiot, you broke the landline.
335
00:12:22,207 --> 00:12:24,174
- Y'all want some pork and beans?
336
00:12:24,176 --> 00:12:27,377
- You go raw in that too? Nasty motherfucker.
337
00:12:28,380 --> 00:12:30,147
- Oh, shit.
338
00:12:31,716 --> 00:12:33,150
- Oh, shit! - Hands up, don't shoot!
339
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:34,484
- Get the fuck out.
340
00:12:34,486 --> 00:12:37,220
Wait, just the white boy.
341
00:12:37,222 --> 00:12:41,057
You two dark ones can stay.
342
00:12:41,059 --> 00:12:42,159
- Aight, let's dip, y'all.
343
00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:46,630
- Mmm, cocoa butter. That takes me back.
344
00:12:46,632 --> 00:12:49,666
345
00:12:49,668 --> 00:12:51,401
- Aw, hell, no.
346
00:12:51,403 --> 00:12:52,769
- And barrel roll.
347
00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:54,104
Hands up, assholes.
348
00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:55,639
- Not you, Milton. You're fine.
349
00:12:55,641 --> 00:12:57,474
- Don't worry, fellas. I got this.
350
00:12:57,476 --> 00:12:59,743
- What are you boys doing in this neighborhood, huh?
351
00:12:59,745 --> 00:13:01,745
- Wouldn't be looting, would you?
352
00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:02,846
- Nice!
353
00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:05,815
- Sir, we were just--
354
00:13:05,817 --> 00:13:06,983
- Hey, did I tell you to talk?
355
00:13:06,985 --> 00:13:08,718
- You might want to watch that lip, son.
356
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:09,486
It sounds aggressive,
357
00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:11,588
and I'm starting to fear for my life right now.
358
00:13:11,590 --> 00:13:13,523
- You only stopped us 'cause we black,
359
00:13:13,525 --> 00:13:15,225
you dirty-ass pigs.
360
00:13:15,227 --> 00:13:16,693
I got it all on tape.
361
00:13:16,695 --> 00:13:17,827
- Look, guns!
362
00:13:17,829 --> 00:13:19,563
- Get over here!
363
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:20,530
- No, no, not my Taser.
364
00:13:20,532 --> 00:13:21,698
This doesn't feel good.
365
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:24,868
No, no, the other shoe has dropped.
366
00:13:24,870 --> 00:13:26,102
- Worldstar!
367
00:13:26,104 --> 00:13:27,304
- Come on, Milk.
368
00:13:31,610 --> 00:13:32,876
- This is all I have.
369
00:13:32,878 --> 00:13:35,712
I just need a few minutes to order some diapers.
370
00:13:35,714 --> 00:13:38,248
The market is all out because of the looting.
371
00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:39,983
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, likely story.
372
00:13:39,985 --> 00:13:41,518
Let me tell you what's really happening.
373
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,520
You're jonesing for some "Housewives of Atlanta,"
374
00:13:43,522 --> 00:13:44,854
and it's making you crazy.
375
00:13:44,856 --> 00:13:46,790
- No, seriously, my baby keeps shitting.
376
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:49,559
- Come on, ese, move it. Time's up.
377
00:13:49,561 --> 00:13:51,027
- I had to reset my password.
378
00:13:51,029 --> 00:13:52,229
I'm so sorry.
379
00:13:52,231 --> 00:13:54,097
It will just be another moment.
380
00:13:54,099 --> 00:13:56,766
Aah!
381
00:13:56,768 --> 00:13:58,768
- You think it's a pudding pop,
382
00:13:58,770 --> 00:13:59,569
but it's not.
383
00:13:59,571 --> 00:14:01,571
You still put it in your mouth, though.
384
00:14:01,573 --> 00:14:03,139
Zippity bop pow!
385
00:14:03,141 --> 00:14:04,407
- Pete, what is this?
386
00:14:04,409 --> 00:14:06,776
- Hey, cash rules everything around me.
387
00:14:06,778 --> 00:14:07,477
You know the rest.
388
00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:09,746
- You disloyal mother-- man, that's it.
389
00:14:09,748 --> 00:14:10,981
No more Internet for anybody.
390
00:14:10,983 --> 00:14:13,617
I want everybody up out of here right now.
391
00:14:16,288 --> 00:14:16,886
Not you.
392
00:14:16,888 --> 00:14:18,788
We came up in this game together.
393
00:14:18,790 --> 00:14:21,057
- You don't have to do this!
394
00:14:21,059 --> 00:14:23,260
- I didn't do this. You did.
395
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:25,328
- Please, Malik, not in the face!
396
00:14:25,330 --> 00:14:26,463
I want a open casket.
397
00:14:26,465 --> 00:14:28,164
- You really sadden me, Pete.
398
00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:34,070
Am I my brother's keeper?
399
00:14:34,072 --> 00:14:35,171
- Yes, I am!
400
00:14:35,173 --> 00:14:36,239
Argh!
401
00:14:36,241 --> 00:14:37,507
- Sorry, Pete.
402
00:14:37,509 --> 00:14:39,276
- Uh, can I go now?
403
00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:41,378
- Man, get out of here.
404
00:14:43,147 --> 00:14:46,216
- Don't feel bad. You had to do it.
405
00:14:48,553 --> 00:14:50,320
- Way to go, dickheads. You know what?
406
00:14:50,322 --> 00:14:53,223
Me and Rhiyonce would have been better off without y'all.
407
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:54,824
- "Y'all"? What you mean, y'all?
408
00:14:54,826 --> 00:14:57,527
Jamal's the one that messed everything up.
409
00:14:57,529 --> 00:14:58,094
- Me?
410
00:14:58,096 --> 00:14:59,596
I'm the one that found the phone.
411
00:14:59,598 --> 00:15:00,463
- You also broke it.
412
00:15:00,465 --> 00:15:02,499
- Man, we in some Book of Rebalations-type shit,
413
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:05,635
and y'all standing here arguing about swine and beans
414
00:15:05,637 --> 00:15:08,672
and phones, and Rhiyonce laying up there damaged goods.
415
00:15:08,674 --> 00:15:10,740
I can't even look at her no more.
416
00:15:10,742 --> 00:15:11,408
- You know what?
417
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:14,044
You've become a real liability on these streets, my nig.
418
00:15:14,046 --> 00:15:16,513
- Well, you been acting like a little biyatch
419
00:15:16,515 --> 00:15:18,248
ever since that text from Cindy.
420
00:15:18,250 --> 00:15:20,650
Might want to change your tampon, ho!
421
00:15:20,652 --> 00:15:22,152
- Who you calling ho, ho?
422
00:15:22,154 --> 00:15:23,920
You so hard, come get some.
423
00:15:28,059 --> 00:15:30,694
You just jealous that you would never have a chance
424
00:15:30,696 --> 00:15:32,362
with a girl like Cindy.
425
00:15:32,364 --> 00:15:34,331
I don't even know why I kick it with you.
426
00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:36,366
- Oh, it's like that, huh?
427
00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:40,770
Well, I think it's about time you learned the truth.
428
00:15:40,772 --> 00:15:43,373
429
00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:46,042
- Hey, look, the new kid got a butthole
430
00:15:46,044 --> 00:15:47,143
on the side of his dome.
431
00:15:47,145 --> 00:15:49,579
Let's call him Butthole Brains.
432
00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:51,481
- Man, he got a hole in the side of his brain
433
00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:53,917
and a brain inside his head inside of his hole.
434
00:15:54,986 --> 00:15:56,286
- Nice shoes, buster.
435
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:57,020
Where you get those,
436
00:15:57,022 --> 00:15:59,556
Payless or Can't Pay No Less?
437
00:16:05,764 --> 00:16:06,896
- Jamal, listen, buddy.
438
00:16:06,898 --> 00:16:09,366
Grover's new here, and he's having a hard time
439
00:16:09,368 --> 00:16:13,236
making friends, and as you can tell by his shoes--
440
00:16:13,238 --> 00:16:14,304
- He broke as shit?
441
00:16:14,306 --> 00:16:15,872
- That wasn't what I was going to say,
442
00:16:15,874 --> 00:16:16,973
but, yes, he is broke as shit.
443
00:16:16,975 --> 00:16:19,676
So would you do me a favor and play with him?
444
00:16:19,678 --> 00:16:22,045
I'll give you a free lunch ticket.
445
00:16:22,047 --> 00:16:23,980
- Make it two free lunch tickets,
446
00:16:23,982 --> 00:16:25,281
and you got a deal.
447
00:16:25,283 --> 00:16:26,616
448
00:16:26,618 --> 00:16:27,984
The moral of the story is,
449
00:16:27,986 --> 00:16:30,820
fish sticks and coffee cake is the only reason
450
00:16:30,822 --> 00:16:32,589
you got a friend right now--
451
00:16:32,591 --> 00:16:35,258
fish sticks and coffee cake.
452
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:39,162
Fish sticks and coffee cake!
453
00:16:39,164 --> 00:16:41,197
Ooh!
454
00:16:41,199 --> 00:16:43,566
- Look, baby, I ain't saying it was your fault,
455
00:16:43,568 --> 00:16:45,402
but I should take the air out you right now.
456
00:16:45,404 --> 00:16:47,871
But I can't, 'cause I love you too much.
457
00:16:47,873 --> 00:16:49,472
I just need to know one thing.
458
00:16:49,474 --> 00:16:51,775
Was he bigger than me?
459
00:16:51,777 --> 00:16:53,109
I knew he couldn't match my nine.
460
00:16:53,111 --> 00:16:56,346
Now let's clean these holes and get it cracking.
461
00:17:00,618 --> 00:17:01,985
- I thought I could help people transform
462
00:17:01,987 --> 00:17:03,987
from the brainwashed drones they'd become
463
00:17:03,989 --> 00:17:05,922
into real, free-thinking humans again.
464
00:17:05,924 --> 00:17:08,224
But having all that power is too much for one man.
465
00:17:08,226 --> 00:17:10,960
It corrupted me-- made me less than human.
466
00:17:10,962 --> 00:17:11,761
Bottom line,
467
00:17:11,763 --> 00:17:15,131
it turned me into a cracker.
468
00:17:15,133 --> 00:17:16,533
- Give me that Internet, boy!
469
00:17:16,535 --> 00:17:18,168
- We know you're in there!
470
00:17:18,170 --> 00:17:19,269
- I got to get out of here.
471
00:17:19,271 --> 00:17:20,770
- He's getting away!
472
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:26,509
- There he is!
473
00:17:26,511 --> 00:17:27,343
- Uh-oh.
474
00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:38,922
- What they want, Malik?
475
00:17:38,924 --> 00:17:39,923
- The Internet, man.
476
00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:42,826
I got it on lock. I don't even want it anymore.
477
00:17:42,828 --> 00:17:45,161
- Can you help me find Cindy? - Is she lost?
478
00:17:45,163 --> 00:17:47,564
- Nah, Grover just think she want to get busy,
479
00:17:47,566 --> 00:17:48,331
but she don't.
480
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:50,700
- I'll suck your dick, little man.
481
00:17:50,702 --> 00:17:52,769
I'll suck it real hard.
482
00:17:52,771 --> 00:17:53,903
- Argh! No!
483
00:17:53,905 --> 00:17:55,405
I don't want them to do that.
484
00:17:56,041 --> 00:17:58,374
I'll help you find your girl if you promise to keep me safe
485
00:17:58,376 --> 00:18:00,043
and let me sleep in your room tonight.
486
00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:01,945
- Oh, shit!
487
00:18:01,947 --> 00:18:03,613
- Run, fellas!
488
00:18:03,615 --> 00:18:05,615
- I'll can use Cindy's cell phone number
489
00:18:05,617 --> 00:18:08,084
to triangulate her position.
490
00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:09,919
Boom, got eem.
491
00:18:09,921 --> 00:18:12,989
- Moment of truth, y'all.
492
00:18:13,792 --> 00:18:15,792
- Hell, yeah. It's back.
493
00:18:19,897 --> 00:18:21,331
- Uh! Uh!
494
00:18:23,502 --> 00:18:24,667
- Hey, Grover, what's up?
495
00:18:24,669 --> 00:18:27,470
- Hey, Cindy, just, uh, wanted to check in
496
00:18:27,472 --> 00:18:28,571
and see if you was okay.
497
00:18:28,573 --> 00:18:29,706
The Internet's been down.
498
00:18:29,708 --> 00:18:31,741
- Oh, I been, uh,
499
00:18:31,743 --> 00:18:33,376
tied up for the last 20 minutes.
500
00:18:33,378 --> 00:18:37,113
- Cindy Louise Scrilla, did you drop a beefy deuce
501
00:18:37,115 --> 00:18:39,015
in the guest bathroom again?
502
00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:39,616
- Dad!
503
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:41,751
- It took me three flushes and a coat hanger
504
00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:42,952
to get it down!
505
00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:43,486
- Okay!
506
00:18:43,488 --> 00:18:45,588
- I'm just saying, the next time we go
507
00:18:45,590 --> 00:18:46,656
to Boston Market,
508
00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:49,492
you are not getting the meatloaf!
509
00:18:50,295 --> 00:18:52,195
- So what's up, guys?
510
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:53,162
- What's good with that text?
511
00:18:53,164 --> 00:18:56,399
- I never texted you. - Boo, stop frontin'.
512
00:18:56,401 --> 00:18:59,602
Uh, oh. Uh, okay.
513
00:18:59,604 --> 00:19:01,004
I'm so stupid.
514
00:19:01,006 --> 00:19:03,706
I meant to text Grandma, not Grover.
515
00:19:03,708 --> 00:19:05,742
I must have fat-fingered it. Whoops.
516
00:19:05,744 --> 00:19:07,544
- Cool, yeah, makes sense.
517
00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:09,045
Uh, we got to go now. I'll holler.
518
00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:12,949
- Lord knows the girl needs to eat more greens.
519
00:19:12,951 --> 00:19:14,551
Her insides is rotten!
520
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:15,652
Lord, they rotten.
521
00:19:15,654 --> 00:19:16,920
- Smell you later, Cindy.
522
00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:19,422
- You better hope she don't wipe back to front.
523
00:19:23,327 --> 00:19:27,564
- And that, my niggas, is how you stack your bread,
524
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:29,032
be a good role model,
525
00:19:29,034 --> 00:19:30,700
and become one with the universe
526
00:19:30,702 --> 00:19:33,169
to achieve peace on Earth and shit.
527
00:19:33,171 --> 00:19:34,904
I killed that shit!
528
00:19:34,906 --> 00:19:37,206
529
00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:40,243
530
00:19:40,245 --> 00:19:43,279
Oh, shit, we back up, nigga!
531
00:19:43,281 --> 00:19:45,915
Who want to get they ass blowed up?
532
00:19:45,917 --> 00:19:48,518
Take that, nigga!
533
00:19:49,486 --> 00:19:51,354
- Hey, man, sorry about Cindy.
534
00:19:51,356 --> 00:19:53,323
Real talk: I may have hung out with you
535
00:19:53,325 --> 00:19:55,191
for the fish sticks in the beginning,
536
00:19:55,193 --> 00:19:57,193
but then I realized you were my nig.
537
00:19:57,195 --> 00:20:00,096
Shit, man, you even taught me how to pump fake.
538
00:20:00,098 --> 00:20:01,264
- 'Preciate you, bruh.
539
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:02,131
If it wasn't for you,
540
00:20:02,133 --> 00:20:03,900
I'd still be Butthole Brains.
541
00:20:03,902 --> 00:20:05,602
This headband you gave me back in the day
542
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:07,103
changed everything, my nig.
543
00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:08,504
- Ooh, that shit got worse.
544
00:20:08,506 --> 00:20:11,507
- Y'all probably tight with me 'cause I'm always on time
545
00:20:11,509 --> 00:20:12,709
with the comedy, right?
546
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:13,576
Or is it the stories?
547
00:20:13,578 --> 00:20:15,445
Y'all know I got them stories on deck.
548
00:20:15,447 --> 00:20:17,947
- Honestly, bruh, I just like the fact that you rich.
549
00:20:17,949 --> 00:20:20,083
- I just love your mom's titties.
550
00:20:20,785 --> 00:20:23,386
- At the end of the day, Yeezus was right.
551
00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:24,253
We're all slaves,
552
00:20:24,255 --> 00:20:26,889
especially when it comes to this digital madness.
553
00:20:26,891 --> 00:20:29,792
This powerful tool that should be connecting the world
554
00:20:29,794 --> 00:20:31,394
has made us more disconnected
555
00:20:31,396 --> 00:20:33,496
than any time in history.
556
00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:34,530
In a world where real emotions
557
00:20:34,532 --> 00:20:35,999
have been replaced by emoticons,
558
00:20:36,001 --> 00:20:39,135
who will teach the next generation to love?
559
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:40,036
- Yo, I got the tape.
560
00:20:40,038 --> 00:20:43,439
- Hoagie! Come and take the hoagie!
561
00:20:43,441 --> 00:20:44,340
562
00:20:44,342 --> 00:20:45,908
- Damn, that's a ashy dick.
563
00:20:45,910 --> 00:20:49,379
- Yeah, look like he been smashing chalkboard erasers.
564
00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:53,483
39527
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