Original subtitles

Do you have siblings?

It's a thing.

She's my little babysit. You know, we do everything together.

She's my best friend. You'll meet her in a second. She's going to be here. She's

so fucking pretty.

Oh, my God. She's the kind of pretty people just walk up to her and, like,

her shit.

You know, it's like that.

Anyway, I just moved in with her.

But it's only been two days, and it's kind of, like, already.

Why is there pot all over my desk?

You know?

Jesus Christ, so OCD.

And I'm like, it's not pot all over your desk. It's a nug that I left as a

suggestion for you to please smoke it, you know? Like, she's just wound tight.

She has a full -time fucking job. She pays her own rent. Who the fuck pays

own rent at 23 in Santa Monica, no less? Like, it's fucking crazy. Meanwhile,

I'm 31. I don't even have a job because technically I don't qualify for

anything. Well...

anything that I would be willing to do. Because, like, let's face it, I could go

get a job at CVS or fucking Taco Bell. I'm not going to make a fucking chalupa,

okay? I'm not fucking, there you go, 273. Like, fuck that shit.

No fucking way.

But it's fine. This is honestly just petty bullshit that goes along with

with siblings especially. But the real shit is, like, you know, she's at least

here.

You know, because my mom is, she peeped out on us.

See, uh, like, he's out. Like, he's not with us anymore.

So... Yeah, my dad is really just

absent. He's... He's sad.

He's a really sad man.

I get it. I do.

I was really sad, too. I was so... Well, I was so sad that I landed myself in a

mental institution for a couple of days.

Listen, I'd love to keep chatting with you, but I've got to attend to other

customers.

Totally, yeah. No, yeah, do your thing.

It's a great bar.

This is from the gentleman down at the end of the bar.

Is it your head? Yeah. No, I'm fine. I'm fine.

Ow!

Whoa. Fucking shit.

Okay, just set me down. Maybe just set me down.

No, it's fine. It's fine.

Hey, I have to pee.

You guys going to wrap it up?

Dude, can you leave?

I got coke in my car.

Oh, man.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God.

I don't know. Jesus, sister.

Hi. You're early. Yeah.

Guys, this is my sister I was telling you about. Anna, this is Kyle.

Hi. Nice to meet you. Good to meet you. You too. And this is... I am so sorry.

Remind me your name again.

Really? Johnny. Johnny. Right. You too.

How have we never met before?

I blame Kyle.

My fault.

And then you know Ivana.

Hi. Yes, hi. How are you? I'm good. Yeah?

Mm -hmm.

I'm glad you're good. Thank you. Yeah, you look great since the braces came

Yeah, recently.

You look good. You look lovely.

Thank you.

So, who's your friend?

This is... My name's Joe. Hi. Joe. Nice to meet you. Very nice to meet you, Joe.

Joe, Joe, this is everybody. How are you?

Ew, you guys know this girl? She was literally just like... Hey, I made a

here, buddy.

Oh, awesome.

Don't mind him. He's a little... You know that guy?

Yeah, he's my roommate.

He's really a nice guy.

Once you get to know him.

Yeah.

Cool. Well, this is super steamy.

So I'm going to leave you to it and get out of your hair. It was a pleasure to

meet you, Jeremy.

Johnny. Really, really nice. And you have a shot here, which is not many get

that. Good luck.

Okay. And I'll see you at home.

So sorry. One second. That's okay. Inna, wait. Inna, wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I'll meet you in the car. Just put on the blinkers. The blinkers? Okay, I'll

you. Nice to meet you.

Okay, listen. I know that you hate it when I'm like, are you okay all the

But seriously, are you okay?

How many drinks have you had? I had one drink. I'm fine, Claire. Seriously,

you've got to stop with this whole...

I'm the big sister. I got it handled.

Promise me that you will text me as soon as you get to my house safely.

Okay, I will promise you that if you promise me that you will stop worrying

about me and checking in on me every five minutes, please, for the love of

All right, fine.

I love you. I love you. Text me.

I will.

It's me.

Um... I was just calling to say, what's up?

Just made me hear your voice.

Uh, it's late. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to wake you up. It's a mistake.

Um... When you get this in the morning,

uh...

You left with him?

Come on, it's not like we're 12. I know, but it's like, you don't do that. Well,

maybe I'm letting a little loose.

Is that okay with you, Fruity?

I mean, who am I to judge? I'm just saying, it's very unlike you.

It just felt natural, okay?

I don't know.

Anyways, how'd it go with you and Prison Break?

Okay, fuck you. He does not look like he just got out of prison. Okay.

But you are still going to your classes, right?

We have a deal.

First of all, AA is not a class.

Just so you know, I wasn't even that drunk last night, and he came like great

head and just like, oh, so good.

Hey, fruit, I told you a million times I am happy to have you here, but you have

got to clean up after yourself.

I was going to do that this morning.

Anyway, I am going over to Johnny's on Thursday night.

He's cooking me dinner. Is he, like, a serious boyfriend now? It's just dinner

and sex.

He's cooking you dinner. That's, like, really intense and not in the good way.

It's just food, Anna. People have to eat. Hey, by the way, Dad seriously

been answering any of my phone calls.

Do you know why?

Uh, no.

No idea, but he's digging me some money to cover your expenses to tie you back

on your feet. What? Why wouldn't he just give me the money?

Okay, fine.

But why would he be sending me really sweet emails and not even returning my

phone call? Oh, you checked my email?

Okay, so you're going to get mad at that.

Wait, assistant, you're staying here. Okay, all right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

sorry I checked your emails.

God, I just, I had a feeling that he was communicating with you and not me, and

he was.

Well, you're not always the easiest person to communicate with. I'm sorry,

that's really fucked up. Look, I don't appreciate you speaking on my behalf.

It's not like I want to be your messenger.

Oh, my God, you so do. You still want to be the messenger because you think it

helps, but it doesn't. Okay, I'm sorry, and I am running late to work, so I will

just... I'll see you here when I get back.

I am aware that I will be here when you get back from work, okay?

You just know I have a really important thing to do today.

Okay, great.

It's called masturbating in your bed again.

Fucking all over those sheets.

I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was going to be black.

Pooh bear.

Pooh bear.

You're a poo bear. That's why you're a poo bear. Yes, it is.

Yes, it is.

I'm not making fun of you.

So who's your friend?

Mm, Brad.

Yeah, me and Brad met at a bar last night and slept together, and now he's

Sound like you guys, right?

Hey,

be careful.

I'm about to do a line right up between your boobies.

What's up, Johnny?

Hey, join in, player.

I'm okay, thank you.

Oh, were you going to do something interesting and cool?

Oh, I can't. I was going to go have some frozen yogurt with my boyfriend.

You're making me cry.

No, I'm not. I'm going to let you go.

No, I'm tickling you.

Bunny, you're snuggle raping me, but I like it. You know you love it. Oh, I'm

going to tickle you.

Oh, bat mouth. You are such a little goose, aren't you?

I thought you said I was an eggnog latte.

Oh, you like that, huh? Pumpkin pear? Oh, yeah, bunny bear.

That's right.

I'm a jackrabbit. Make the bunny noise. No, you make the bunny noise. Okay,

let's both be bunnies. All right, let's both be bunnies. Ready?

Hey, I'm Johnny's roommate.

Art.

Can I help you?

You know what we're doing here? Oh, my God. You're the fucking douchebag from

the bar.

Hmm. Do you know why we're here?

Like, is it an intervention?

Can I get a Jack and Coke, please?

Doors on the rocks.

Thank you. Hey, guys.

Hello.

What are we talking about?

Well, I'll just dive right in. I don't know why you...

I invited this guy, but... Whatever.

I don't have a problem. I really do appreciate that you're concerned about

Excuse me. A bottle of champagne, please.

Thank you. What, did you get a job promotion or something?

Relax, we'll get there. We'll get to it.

Calm down, no rush.

Wait, are you... Are you guys trying to set us up?

No.

No. Oh, my God. You guys are the worst cupids ever. Hey, guys.

Actually, this is about us.

Yeah.

Okay.

We're engaged!

Surprise!

Yeah.

How long have you guys known each other? We know it seems fast.

but feels right fast wouldn't wouldn't see another description what has it been

like three three -ish months it's been seven months yeah seven months

okay

let me let me try this again

we're getting married and we want you to be our best people like my maid

of honor

And my best man.

Thanks.

Okay.

Okay. Okay.

I just need to process this.

I just need to... So... You're serious.

You're serious. You are. You are.

I need to go...

In the bathroom.

She's kind of been in there for a minute.

I'm going to go check on her. Go ahead.

What

else

is going on, man?

You want to marry her?

Yeah, obviously I want to marry her, or else I wouldn't have asked her to marry

me.

I don't get it.

What don't you get?

Everything. That's not even how you drink champagne.

Look, what is wrong with you?

Maybe you shouldn't drive.

Well, I'm gone.

Thanks for the champagne guys.

Fuck.

All right, that

was great.

Glad we didn't have to awkwardly, you know. So anyway, goodbye.

And have a nice life.

Oh, I will see you Wednesday at AA.

Wait.

Aw, baby, I love you.

No, I love you more.

Yes, truly, do it. Love you more.

No, you hang up first.

No, you hang up first.

I love you more than anyone in the world.

I can't believe it's been nine months since my last drink.

I'm just so excited for all of life's adventures

now, you know?

And I have some news I want to share with everyone.

Katie and I are having a baby.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Come on in. Yeah, yeah.

Hey, new friend.

Come on in.

Tell us a little bit about yourself.

How did you find the courage to get here today?

I'm good. I'm good.

Good. Okay.

Okay.

Well, then let's take five. All right.

Hey. Hey, nobody can know I'm here, okay?

Aren't you curious as to why I'm here?

I don't know. I wasn't really thinking about you.

Right. I just got a DUI after that stupid dinner.

Mm, yeah.

That dinner was the fucking worst.

Johnny's been acting like such a little bitch since he met your sister.

I hear the word bunny one more time.

Right?

Oh, hey, my Uber's here. I gotta go.

What?

What are we going to do?

About what?

About them getting married. We both know it's not right.

I don't know. Maybe we can get together and come up with a plan to ruin the

wedding.

Okay.

Yeah.

Are you crazy?

Yeah.

Are you?

Do you love him?

Johnny? Of course.

He's been my best friend since I can remember.

I mean, there's nothing I wouldn't do for him.

That's exactly how I feel about Claire.

All I'm saying is, why don't we help them?

Dude, they barely know each other.

All right, okay, let me tell you something.

My mom passed away not too long ago, and I know people deal with stuff in all

sorts of different ways or whatever.

And Claire is the kind of person that puts a band -aid on a band -aid.

She's just marrying this guy to not feel the loss.

Band -aid on a band -aid, huh?

Hey. Hey, man.

Hey, man, uh...

Are we still going to Vegas for Memorial Day weekend?

Vegas? We never said we were doing that this year. We go to Vegas every year for

Memorial Day weekend. Are you an idiot?

I'm getting married two weeks after that.

Don't you remember?

Yeah, so we'll make it your bachelor party. Look, you're missing the point.

I don't just want to keep partying and throwing my life away.

What are you talking about? We have the best time together.

I really wanted to do this at a different time, but I guess it's coming

I think maybe you should start looking for a new place to live.

Are you crazy? I only pay half rent with you. Where am I supposed to go?

You're supposed to grow up and figure it out.

Look, I'm sorry, but I need my space.

Claire and I are moving in together, so I just wanted to give you a heads up.

Hey, baby.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Fuck. She didn't tell me that. Where am I supposed to go?

Yeah, I'm with you.

I mean, they're clearly not thinking this through. Johnny is not ready to get

married. All right, so, look, I think we need to start just, like, getting some

ideas out there. There are no bad ideas.

Whatever you got, you lay it on me, and I write it on the board.

Wait, you got a whiteboard?

Oh, yeah. Well, I actually got it because I was doing this job search.

But, uh, that's not important right now.

Um, okay, so, actually, I've been doing some research.

I've been watching some films, I've been reading some books, and I think that

what we need to do is we need to plant the idea.

How do you mean?

I mean, we can't just tell them.

We cannot just tell them because they will not listen to us.

But if we show them what they cannot see on their own, then

they will think.

That it's their own idea. Does that make sense?

Oh, it's like Inception.

Like, when they go into the mind.

Yeah, exactly like Inception. This is exactly like Inception.

We got homicide. We got sex video.

Pedophilia. Our best ideas were earlier.

God damn it. We've been here all night, you know? Like, I'm sick of this. I

think it's too much to frame him for homicide, but I think we could frame him

for something so that he goes to jail.

Just for, like, a couple of weeks.

I'm not going to send my best friend to jail, OK?

I could hire a crack whore.

To show up with a child looking for Johnny and just be like, I'm sorry, is

Johnny around? I need to talk to Johnny.

And then you'd be like, dude, no, remember that one time you fucked that

when you blacked out? The girl that you fucked. You have a child, man.

And then that's it. You can't get married right now.

You have a child to take care of.

Holy shit. Remember that time we did heroin?

Johnny's never done heroin.

Or we just frame them like cheating somehow.

We could do that. I mean, or I could rob them.

Yeah, I could rob them and then Claire could see what a pussy Johnny is. What

I roofie him anyway except next to a hooker and I take photos and send them

Claire anonymously?

Or how about we forge doctor notes saying Claire has STDs? No, no, she

Claire's so sweet. She gets checked every three months.

Yeah, but I just said forge.

I don't know, man.

What were you doing before?

Before what?

Before you were staying with your sister.

I was staying with my dad and my mom.

I'm really sorry about your mom.

Yeah.

Yeah, that definitely did not help.

I got it. We're going to get Claire to do some fucked up sex shit. We're going

to really screw with Johnny's mind.

That's it.

No, that won't break him up. That's just...

Stupid. I mean, I would break up with someone if they were into weird sex shit

and I wasn't. And if I didn't like that shit, which I really do like that shit a

lot. Okay, I understand.

I get it.

Anyway.

Alright, sure.

Give it a shot.

Weird sex shit.

That's a good headline.

Game on.

Oh, hey Claire.

I got you a present.

Three out of Johnny's treasure chest.

Open it.

Well, that was sweet of you. Does Johnny know you're giving me this? Oh, trust

me. Johnny really wants you to have this.

Oh. Yes, you might not know this, but Johnny's really into role -playing. I

think you should surprise him. It'd make him really happy.

That's a mask.

You wear it on your face.

you do that? I'm sorry. Oh, you scared me, poor noodle.

Then I hear Johnny screaming like a little schoolgirl.

So it worked?

No.

Next thing I hear, they're hysterically laughing.

Fuck. Well, we tried. I can't believe Claire actually did that. And she didn't

even mention it to me this morning.

Okay, well, what's next?

What can I do?

Like, what do guys hate?

Gross women.

Great. Like how?

Like talk about vagina.

You know, like discharge, candida, periods, floods in gut, like hemorrhoids

there, like really nasty shit. Johnny can't even hear the word vagina.

You would think that the word vagina would actually turn a guy on.

Yeah, I mean, if you're having sex with one, but if you're hearing about all the

issues, that's like the worst.

Hmm.

Yeah. So, uh...

Where are you going with that ironed shirt?

I am going on a date.

Oh, what's your name?

You want to see?

Sarah J.

Let me see this.

7269. Okay, not bad.

She's all right. Nice rack.

All right, well, have fun with those.

I will.

I didn't really peg you for the dating type.

Yeah, I'm not. I mean, I just buy her one drink and then I go for the bang.

Classy. And deep breath in.

Nice work, ladies.

I want you to see the inside of your vagina.

Dana.

Hi. Who are all these people?

These are some of my friends I invited over for this little class I'm

facilitating. Okay, but I thought that you, Johnny, and I were going to have

three musketeers time. Totally will. But Claire, come on, this is really fun.

I went to yoga mats.

Okay. Okay.

We'll just hang out all three of us another time.

I'm going to go change a distance for a cook.

And on your exhale, releasing tension in your cervix.

Or your shoulders.

Or your vulva.

Great. Or your spine.

Hey, everyone.

Oh. Johnny.

Am I in the wrong place?

Johnny, on behalf of the group, we welcome your masculinity into this

circle. Please join us.

Please take a seat.

Okay, let's roll now onto our sides.

Give yourself a big, big hug.

And gently come to a seated position.

I'd like to commence.

A group meditation on all things vaginal.

And in doing so, deep in our... Excuse me. I think there might be some sort of

misunderstanding.

Oh, no, no. You're welcome here. Please, just go with the flow.

Everyone came out of their vagina, John.

For example, I'm nervous about childbirth.

And if any of you could tell me, does it get bigger afterwards?

Benoit balls don't even stay up there anymore. They just come barreling out.

That's terrifying.

And yet, what a small price to pay for such a beautiful gift.

Thank you, sister, for bringing that into the world. This is something you

have to look forward to. Childbirth is gorgeous.

What about discharge?

Isn't discharge weird? It's intoxicating. It really is.

I

feel

like mine smells like rotten eggs.

And spinach.

Is anyone else confused about their discharge?

Sometimes it's milky and sometimes it's liquidy and sometimes it's white and

sometimes it's yellow.

It's kind of a tacky chunk.

Tacky chunk like my mom's potato salad.

Absolutely. You know, sometimes I'll be walking down a certain grocery aisle,

the deli, and I'll have this remembrance of a woman I slept with in college.

It's just any different smell. Any smell can actually come out of a vagina.

I smell my old high school football team coming out of there.

What about you, Claire? Do you have discharge problems, or have you had

experiences?

I don't have that problem.

Oh, looks like Fruity isn't down with the coochie.

What have you been telling her? That it smells like roses?

Oh,

this food truck is killing us.

Let's drink her period blood.

This is an ancient ritual designed to increase our power, Maria, from

your womb to you.

Mia, wow, so rich. There's going to be so many regenerated stem cells. Ivy,

and delicious. You are a berry, my friend. And Sarah, you are abundant and

beautiful. Thank you for being here.

Thank you.

Ladies, caps off.

I'm going to do the honors.

that have been trying to prevent a UTI.

You have all exceeded my expectations.

Thank you.

Does anybody have any interest in a bowl?

Oh, yeah.

Hey,

are you serious?

This is disgusting, Anna.

The other day with that yoga vagina stuff, why did you do that? Oh, yeah,

yoga. That is...

A new thing that I invented that I think is going to be all the rage. And I feel

like I really understand my vagina more than I did before.

You have to open yourself up, you know? Sometimes the things you do seem

malicious. What? No. I'm sorry that Johnny couldn't handle basic female

Claire, but that's not really on me.

Just because nobody loves you does not mean you had to ruin it for me, Anna.

I'm staying at Johnny's tonight. Just clean this mess up.

What's the meanest thing anyone's ever said to you?

Oh, come on.

A dick such as yourself, there's got to be plenty to choose from.

I'm actually just trying to think of the worst thing because there's so many.

Probably you're going to end up broken and alone like your father.

Oh, sorry.

I did not mean to.

It's okay.

But that's probably the meanest thing.

Whoa.

Why?

I just feel like my sister said some really mean shit to me.

Well, she's family. Family's the worst.

Like, why do people do it? Why do they get married and start families?

I don't think I've ever seen that work.

Oh, my God.

Jeff.

Huh? Who's Jeff?

I did not think of this before.

Claire's ex -boyfriend.

They were obsessed with each other. They were, like, on and off for five years.

Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah. Present them with other options. It's perfect.

Yep.

One whiff of that guy's armpit, and she will be running back in no time.

I mean, doesn't he know that she's engaged, though? I mean, it's all over

Facebook and Instagram.

Nope. When they broke up, he got super depressed, got off all social media, and

actually kind of just stopped talking to people in general.

Oh, that sucks.

Yeah, so he runs at this park the same time every week, 6 a .m.

Maybe you could just, like, bump into him.

Hey, man, what's up? Like, you're running right next to me. You're Jeff,

Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, man, I'm sorry to interrupt your run. I just wanted to tell you I

went on a date with this super hot chick named Claire.

Claire?

Yeah, your ex -girlfriend.

She couldn't stop talking about you.

Really? What'd she say?

Just like you're the love of her life and blah, blah, blah. I don't know. I

just, I got really bored and I just got the check as soon as possible.

Anyway, I'll catch you later, man, okay?

Wait, how'd you find me?

Oh.

Ugh.

Douchey. No. Fuck no.

Eh.

So did it work?

He hasn't called yet.

Weird. He seems so interested.

He stopped running and just drooled a little.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

Well, what else can we do?

I don't know. What would make you want to break up with someone?

Oh, my God, this is perfect.

What you want, you get.

And you get it good, and you get it tonight.

Get it tonight.

Say, uh... D -T -F? That's down to fuck.

Down to fuck.

Free of F -T -D.

Hey, man. What are you making?

Pancakes. Want some?

Sure.

That smells delicious.

What are we making?

Pancakes. You want some?

Fuck yeah. All right, boys.

Behave yourselves, and I'll put a smiley face on them for you. Kyle.

What? Nothing.

Talk about your delicious pancakes.

It just seems so unlike her.

What do you mean?

I mean, I've known her for a while.

I always wanted to be with someone like her. I just don't seem like the type.

Well, I think you should say something now because you know her better.

Sure.

What are you guys talking about?

Oh, just how delicious these look, right? Damn.

Right? That's amazing.

Sure. Wow.

Johnny, we need to talk.

Johnny?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Why would I do that?

I'm sorry, Crutch. Are you doing okay?

What are you talking about?

I heard the yelling, Claire, this morning. Anna, people get into arguments

then they get over them.

You would know that if you had been with someone for more than a few dates.

Okay.

So what happened then?

I don't know. Some idiot made a profile for me on OK Date Me.

What? The people are...

So, anyways, everything's fine. Thanks for checking in. Yeah, no problem. I was

just a little bit concerned because it sounded like he was yelling some nasty

stuff and you were yelling some nasty stuff and relationships can't... Jeff's

calling me.

Jeff? Jeff?

Jeff. Jeff.

Whoa, that's so weird.

Hey, I was wondering, actually, uh, since I'm never gonna get married and I

don't believe in that stuff, could I just try on a couple of these with you

to see what it looks like on me?

Yeah, sure, that's fine.

No, I don't think the princess look is really quite... Oh, but you really must

try it. It's so much fun. What do you think about mine, though?

I think it's not as much fun as this one.

Okay. If you think of all the dance moves you could do at your wedding.

All right, Anna, we're here to shop for mine. Totally.

Great. So I found some champagne. I don't know if it's great, but it'll

Looks pretty good to me.

I know.

Um, why are you wearing a wedding dress?

Um, just messing around.

I mean, but it is Claire's wedding, and she is the bride. That's why we're here.

So why don't you just, why don't you just take it off?

Yeah?

Just take it off.

No, yeah, no problem. I was planning on that. Okay.

You look pretty, though.

I'm sorry.

I didn't know how to tell her no.

That's ridiculous.

I know, I know. She's special, special.

But thank you for coming.

No,

no, and I shouldn't drink.

She couldn't handle it.

This is actually, like, made for you.

I love it.

Oh, my gosh. Amazing.

Beautiful. Actually perfect.

Wow.

You like it?

It's perfect.

Oh, Claire. I love it.

This is it. This is exactly what I've been wanting. It's classic. It's simple.

Maybe your character.

Yeah, I feel.

Hey,

Anna.

Hey, since you're the maid of honor and all, how's the bachelorette coming

along?

Really good. Yeah. Yeah, I ordered a cupcake.

I think you'll be really into it. Similar to rum.

I thought

that

he told you.

Anna, um, this is Maria.

This is dad's new girlfriend.

Anna, why don't we get to know each other on a different day, okay? Maybe

we can focus on Claire.

What do you say, Anna?

Anna? Anna?

Anna?

It's okay, Anna. Where the fuck are my keys?

Anna?

Anna?

Dr.

Young's office. How may I help you?

Hello, yes, can I speak to Dr.

Young, please? Dr. Young is in a session.

May I take a message?

of you for doing them.

I'm so sorry. It wasn't my place to tell you.

Really?

It wasn't your place to tell me?

What? How long has it been going on?

I don't... I don't... I don't know. A few months.

A few months? You guys have been hiding this from me for a few months? I mean,

Jesus, I get it. I know. I'm overly sensitive.

But for God's sake, will you just not... You're not going to tell me anything

ever because you think I can't handle it. This is a fucking betrayal. It's not

about that. She's here.

It's not like that.

I'm so sorry.

I'm right here.

I'm not going anywhere.

I miss mom, Claire.

I know. I need you.

I'm here.

So how's Anna doing?

It's been really hard.

Really?

Has she found a new job?

I don't think so. I don't know what she does all day.

I'm always here for you.

What are you doing?

Some guy you went on a date with said that you wouldn't stop talking about me.

I can't stop thinking about you either, Claire.

What are you talking about?

I don't even know why we broke up. We were so good together.

No, no, what were you thinking about the date?

Jeff, I'm getting married in a few weeks.

How serious can you be about marriage if you're going on dates with that guy,

right? I have no idea what you're talking about.

He's a redhead, muscular, kind of douchey. I don't know.

Art.

Explain to me how Art found Jeff.

God, Anna, do you just not want me to be happy?

No.

Claire, I just, I don't think that you know him.

I'm just trying to make sure you're not doing another pushing through. Claire's

spectacular. What is that supposed to mean? It means this is what you do.

Anytime something bad happens, you just go off and you, like, run a marathon,

win an award. You don't sit with your pain. I don't know how you get by.

Mom just died and I... What about you, Anna?

You just run from everything, from jobs, from family, from relationships. Like,

what do you actually stick to, you know? That's not fair. I stick to family.

I've just had a few blips and... You don't stick to anything because you're

afraid that you're going to find something that actually makes you happy,

you don't think you deserve that.

I'm so sick of picking up your broken pieces.

You're just like Mom.

that you had your instabilities.

But I thought that when I actually needed you and I needed to share

hard or special, that you would actually step up to the plate and be there for

me. I can. I can.

I will. I'll try. No, no, no. That is exactly what Mom said. And she couldn't

even say a lie for us.

so angry at her.

Anyway, I heard that Ivana actually planned a bachelorette party this

that you didn't do anything.

Why do you even want me there? I'm so terrible.

Maybe I just shouldn't go. I don't think I could forgive you if you just didn't

show up. I need to actually believe that you're trying. Well, then I don't know

what you want from me, Claire. I can't lie and pretend that this isn't a huge

mistake. I love you too much to do that.

To one dick for life.

Cute.

I had a crush on Claire.

Why didn't you tell me? And it wasn't my place. Plus, you guys are so obviously

right for each other.

Oh, that's the sweetest shit I've ever heard.

All right, Johnny.

You're next.

Okay.

I got a good one.

I slept with Ivana.

Wait. I feel so good to get that out finally.

How come you never told us?

Oh, I don't know, man.

It was so long ago, and it's not like it meant anything.

All right, Art.

Your turn.

I've been hanging out with Claire since Serena.

No way.

She's one fucked up lady, dude.

We're just hanging out. You guys aren't sleeping together or anything?

Just hanging out.

I have never heard you say that before in my entire life.

Fucking A, Ivana. Jesus fucking Christ. Where were you, Anna? You really freaked

us out.

Why are you doing this? Anna, no, not now. Seriously, seriously, seriously.

I want to learn.

Okay. I think that marriage is a promise you keep to each other to keep

trying.

Okay, so do you think that the commitment is more real because you

legal document?

Yeah, yeah, I do. I do because you could be with someone for 20 years, but when

you're married...

You're signing a legal document saying that you're going to keep trying, and I

think that's different than just hanging out every day and seeing what happens.

So because you signed a legal paper, you signed a paper, legal document, and

that makes it a bigger commitment. Yeah, I think so.

What would you tell yourself who has been married for 20 years? What would

tell her right now?

I would say...

I think I would tell myself that no matter how hard life gets,

to remember that you found someone incredibly special

and that whatever life brings you to remember this feeling

because it's really, really hard to find.

And I think that if we remember that, then we...

Get through anything.

Boy, Johnny.

Because Johnny... Why don't you marry Johnny?

Because Johnny is the sweetest, kindest man.

And I love myself so much more when I'm with him.

But you don't know him. You don't know him. No, you don't know him. You don't

know him. I'm going to bed.

Shit. Balls back.

Johnny is the most caring, sweetest man.

And I love myself so much more when I am with him.

I'm just going to tell him. I'm just going to tell him.

Claire, believe me.

Hey, Anna.

There's really no easy way to say this.

But Claire thinks that you should move out of the house.

You know, at least until, like, the wedding and all that.

Okay, thanks.

Um, hey, Evanna.

I think that Claire has a mouth and can speak for herself.

Right,

Claire?

Anna, at some point we lost you yesterday, and then we found you making

some waiter.

And then when we got back to the hotel, you wanted to make some intense... film

documentary on why I wanted to get married. Do you even remember any of

I remember some of it.

I just need some space, okay?

And I know that you have all these things that you want to get together,

when Johnny and I move in together, you are so welcome to stay with us anytime

you want. I just, I can't have you around right now. You know I can't stay

Dad.

Claire, come on. Are you serious?

I can't stay with that. I can't do that.

It took a lot to introduce myself I had to put my

heart up on the shelf I didn't know that it could be so

hard

That night I got home, I was all alone and left to wonder about the great

unknown.

You taking your pills?

You know I hate that question. I think it's a perfectly legitimate question.

I don't think it is. I can't believe you.

I can't believe you.

After all your years of family therapy, abandonment is my number one issue. You

know that? And you go silent?

I really didn't think it was good timing.

Timing? Timing. You didn't think it was good timing.

Speaking of, how did you move on so quickly, Dad?

How did you do that?

Why is everybody keeping everything from me?

Maybe because you take everything perfectly wrong, okay? Kind of like your

actually. You and Claire have been shitting on Mom.

You guys just... Mom was fine. Mom was validating. Mom was caring.

She was... Mom was drunk.

Mom was difficult.

Mom was emotionally disturbed.

You know what?

Talk about mom now. She was alive.

It was always Claire. Claire was the perfect one.

She wasn't exactly right either.

So your mom and I were in the process of getting a divorce.

Locked up.

Did Claire know about that?

So you need to stay here?

I really don't want to.

Yeah, I know.

How'd you meet that stupid -faced lady, anyway?

Okay, date me. Oh.

Are you online dating?

A little bit.

Oh, my God.

I don't like her. Maybe I'll stick with her.

Let me read your bio.

So I was thinking I could take off every Wednesday and Friday.

Come over here and we can hash out a plan.

Wow, look at you.

The pens and the pencils.

Pretty impressive.

Thank you.

So what do you say?

What's the next plan?

Actually, I don't know if I want to do this anymore.

What? Really?

What about our old whiteboard? There's a lot of things on there we haven't tried

yet. That's at Claire's place.

In Claire's house?

Well, I mean, it's hidden, but I couldn't exactly grab it while I was

kicked out of her place.

So when we were in Vegas, I got a tad bit tipsy.

Something took over me. I got so curious as to why she's doing it and why she's

getting married.

She had some beautiful things to say.

I've never felt that way about anyone.

You know, the way she feels about Johnny. And if I keep going down this

never will.

Listen, I gotta tell you something.

What?

Johnny slept with Ivana.

Johnny slept with Ivana?

Oh, my God.

Claire definitely doesn't know that.

When? When did it happen?

I don't know. I was, like, super fucked up.

No, you're just saying this because you want to keep scheming. Hey, do I look

like I'm lying to you right now?

No, you don't.

I don't want to ruin anything else.

Well, then don't, I guess.

Just call it quits.

I'll see you at the wedding.

I mean, unless you want to, like, hang out anyway.

What, are you going to Uber over here an hour so we can just talk?

I mean, that's what I just did.

Yeah, and now you have to Uber back for an hour.

Yeah, you're right. That's stupid.

All right.

Peace.

Do you like me?

What? No.

That's gross.

That's gross, okay?

Did Johnny seriously sleep with Ivana?

Yeah.

Everything okay?

Yeah.

So, are you going to Claire's for the rehearsal dinner?

I don't know.

Hey,

Dad?

Yeah?

Why are you and Mom getting divorced?

Really?

When I met your mom, she was a force of nature.

She did whatever she wanted to do, whenever she wanted to do it. And I tell

what, that really... I mean, I love that about her.

As we got older, I found out she didn't really know how to compromise.

Give back.

I'll be there for someone else. Me.

It's cold.

Exhausting is what it is.

Why'd you wait so long?

You ran out of the hospital, as you know. Your mom was drinking more and

and I didn't want to leave you guys hanging.

Do you think she was trying to kill herself?

I think she was...

She had a lot of

chances to get better.

She really did.

I guess it just really depends on how you see your choices.

Or how she saw her choices.

Hi, I'm Anna. I have issues way beyond addiction,

but if I'm honest, I have that one too. I would do

anything to just numb myself and avoid feeling the

empty feeling inside.

My sister's getting married, and it... Okay, yeah.

That's an appropriate reaction.

But for me, it's been really hard.

I mean, just... Really hard.

I push people away, you know, and then wonder why they...

Leave me.

And my mom isn't here.

Can't talk to her. She died in a car accident a few months ago.

Drunk driving.

And she knew she had a problem.

She knew it, but she didn't.

do anything to fix it you know so the consequence is really it's hers because

she's the one that that uh that isn't here now to see claire get married and

i guess what i'm starting

to realize is is that um nobody's gonna have an

intervention for me

You know, I'm the only one that can actually save myself.

But I don't know how.

And I've never been more alone in my life.

Thank you for sharing.

I feel like I should be there. Come on, stop.

Thank you so much. You can just put it wherever you want to stop.

Okay. Hey, honey, can you help me for a sec?

You got it, Pookie.

Fake profile.

Period. Blood.

Jeff. Oh my. This is Anna.

This is Anna.

Art said he was hanging out with Anna.

Hi. So good to see you.

Hey.

Where were you?

Eh. What are you talking about?

I told you, I got a DUI. I don't have a drinking problem.

You do. You 100 % do.

I 100 % do not have a drinking problem.

Buddy, can I talk to you?

Yeah.

What's up, man?

So you've been hanging out with Claire's sister?

I mean, we hung out a few times.

You know, I saw that diabolical board you and that girl got going on.

What the fuck did the matter with you?

Look, I know you think you've got some secret plan with this shit, but do not

fuck this up for Johnny.

I'll never forgive you, and I know I won't.

Thank you, kid.

I don't know how you do it, but you do it.

And I'm so proud of you.

Might I say that?

Your mother, she'd be so proud of you, too.

Cheers.

Well, I'd just like to say it's wonderful that you're a part of our

So, once again, I'd like to toast it.

I'd like to make a toast.

Not everyone needs to make a speech, buddy. I do. I do need to make a toast.

Anyway, uh, this guy was all over Claire.

And now... they're getting married.

Cheers.

Anyway... I guess my point is, is, uh...

Who cares, right?

I just picked my pants off because I can.

Because nobody owns me.

Arthur, put your goddamn pants back on. I don't have to ask anybody's permission

for anything.

I don't have anyone to ask permission for.

It's just... It

doesn't

fucking matter, you know. I just... I wanted to

wish you good luck, man.

Good luck.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

Jesus. What do you fucking care? I'm helping you. Hang on practice

Are you okay?

Johnny, just go make sure Claire's all right. I got this.

I really appreciate it.

Listen, man.

It's clear that you don't want to be here, so just don't.

What? Don't come tomorrow.

We're better off without you.

You're gonna be okay.

Hey girls, what do you think? Is it pretty or is it a little too natural?

You look absolutely stunning.

So beautiful.

Perfectly natural.

Okay, great.

So beautiful.

Well, I love it. What the fuck are you talking about?

I saw your little whiteboard.

Okay. Yeah, that's right. I'm not doing that anymore. You need to keep a lid on

that today. Let me just tell you, you are fucking sick. You need to keep a...

Oh, my God. I'm thick. I'm thick. Keep it down. Jesus Christ. I need you

to stop this right now. No, no. You crazy fucking bitch. You think I don't

you slept with Johnny?

Excuse me?

Then tell me that's not true.

Ivana, tell me that's not true.

I need to find Johnny.

Tell me that's not true. What? Tell me that you did not sleep with her.

Why didn't you tell me?

Because I was afraid I might lose you.

How is it not relevant? She's my best friend.

Hey. So, um... She knows. What are you talking about? Why do you sound like

you're sleeping?

What am I supposed to do now? What do you mean?

You're supposed to marry me.

Claire, I'm so sorry. I would never, ever, ever do anything to hurt you.

Claire, I would do anything for you. I don't think it's enough.

Claire.

Claire. Claire.

Claire.

Claire. Claire.

Claire.

Claire, wait.

Claire, come on. Please let me explain.

Please.

Did Anna tell you about this?

Somebody had to tell her, Johnny, and I am her sister.

God, this isn't about you, Anna.

What is your problem?

Look, I know you don't like me, but I love your sister.

I love her more than anything on this earth.

I know inside of her the sweet and innocence and... an immature side of her

you don't even know because she's always had to be strong for you.

I know I messed things up not telling you about Ivana, Claire, but God, it

happened way before you ever came into my life.

But I'm telling you, I know I can be strong for her. I know I can.

Why?

Why today?

Why did all this have to happen today?

Anna, what do I do?

Oh, okay.

Well, listen, I can't sit here and pretend to tell you things about love,

because I don't know.

But, um...

Claire, you take risks.

That's what you do. It's part of who you are. And it's just... It's so

beautiful.

I mean, I'm the one that gets paralyzed, not you.

Not

you.

It's a contract.

Oh,

my

God.

You put a subclause in there.

He really loves you.

Yeah, he does.

Do you love him?

Of course.

I love him so much.

Well, then you should marry him.

Yeah.

I love you.

I'm so sorry.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

You're getting makeup?

Whoa. Hi.

Hey. Hi.

It's all good.

Can you just go to the back and don't do anything stupid?

You look really beautiful, you know?

Okay.

Okay.

I gotta... Jesus Christ, I gotta... Whoa.

Hey. What's up, man?

You finally made it, huh? You good?

Yeah. You good?

Makeup! Makeup! I need you right now. She's in the bathroom. We need to get in

there. She ruined everything you did this morning. It's a big job. Come on.

Hey.

I guess we all have our issues to work on.

Oh.

Yeah. You have got... some issues to work on. Like, whoa.

Holy shit.

That was some legitimately crazy shit. I'm honestly telling you this as your

friend. I honestly want to help you at this moment. You need to handle that

because that shit will kill you from the inside out. Like, seriously.

Rage therapy.

Sorry.

That was just bad.

It's true.

We should go.

Hey, do you think she'll ever forgive me?

With time?

Yeah. Totally.

But maybe for today just be silent.

There you go.

Thank you.

You look absolutely

breathtakingly beautiful.

Thank you. Thank you.

This is so pretty amazing. And Johnny.

I can't believe I almost fucked that up.

Hey, but you didn't. You saved our marriage.

I did.

You did. I did that. You saved it.

You saved my marriage.

Dad told me you got a job.

How does Dad know I have a job?

He checked your email.

Well, that, that is just fucked up.

Okay, so it fucked up for Dad to check your email, but totally fine to check

mine. Mm -hmm. Okay. Exactly.

These things run under the rules.

Oh!

I'm about to cut a rug sober.

It's going to be not that pretty. I'm going to

take my wife back.

May I?

You know how they always say, it's not you, it's them?

Yeah.

Do you ever wonder what if it is you?

Oh, it's definitely me.

I think when it comes to us, we are the problem.

Yep.

So what are we going to do?

I don't know.

I quit drinking.

What? Like, today?

Today.

You know,

I never wanted her to be unhappy.

I just...

Thank you.

Would you like to go out for coffee sometime?

Coffee?

I mean, I don't drink anymore. Oh, shit.

We could get tea. That's a fuck.

Tea?

Coffee.

Dad, it's not my jam.

So, coffee soon?

No, let's just fuck again.