Original subtitles

Well, I pity the thief, I do.

But it's cursed, you know.

You're Egyptian, aren't you?

And you believe it, right?

I mean, when a bloke removes the statue of Maftin from the temple, he will,

uh... What did it say?

Die by the claws of the cat.

Well, I've traveled the globe in her majesty's service and seen a lot of

mumbo -jumbo prove true.

So I say it again.

I pity the thief.

Now tell my friend what brings you to Alexandria.

I'm sorry.

My English is very little.

Thank you.

You know what, Claudia?

Astronomy is absolutely fascinating.

I know.

And practical, too.

I didn't know you were interested in astronomy.

Of course.

Like, this guy I was seeing, he was a total Sagittarius.

But then he started to get moody, and I took it personally.

But then I found out that his moon was rising in Scorpio, and I realized it

really had nothing to do with me, because I'm a Virgo, and we are so

supposed to be together.

Yeah.

You're talking about astrology.

I'm talking about astronomy.

You know, if you're interested, you could join me at the observatory this

Wednesday to witness the appearance of the Beaumont comet.

Thanks, but I've got a low -impact class on Wednesday. I'll just catch it next

week.

Claudia, the Beaumont comet...

Only appears for a few days every 3 ,000 years.

Yeah, well, my butt appears at least twice a week at some of the hottest

in town. So this whole comet thing, I'll just have to take a backseat to bum

burners level three. Thank you very much.

That is.

It's the new curator from the Crawford Institute in New York.

What are we through?

Her.

Hello? I can't believe you won't give up an exercise class to see one of the

most fascinating events of the century.

Ricky Martin is the most fascinating event of the century, not the comet.

A comet?

A comet is magnificent.

Huge masses of ice and rock, which, when they get too close to the sun, begin to

evaporate, forming trails of...

Dust and gas millions of miles long that may be seen all the way from the earth.

Kate, let's get security up here quick before Luke Skywalker goes over the

The statue is mocked at. The Egyptian cat got it.

And it's been stolen?

Yes, from a sacred temple. I found it and returned it to the Vubastis

in Cairo. It's supposedly cursed.

Cursed? Well, whoever steals the statue will die by the claws of the cat.

Die by the claws?

The man who took it was found dead a few weeks later.

Unusual lacerations covering his body.

Ram!

I don't mean to be presumptive.

Presumptuous. That, too. But, uh, should I be booking a flight?

New York.

Right. If you can make it there.

I'll make it anywhere.

The statue's on tour.

That's right. This month it's at the Crawford Institute in New York. They've

a new curator.

She invited me to the showing. She must have known about your connection with

the statue and thought you might like to see it again.

That's what I thought, but she invited me to her home, not the museum.

Why? That's what I'd like to know.

Sidney. Nigel. I guess you're wondering why we're here.

Well, the thought had crossed my mind.

When the pieces for the exhibit arrived, I brought the statue home to study it.

You took it out of the museum?

It was stupid, I know.

But it was only for one night, and I was drawn to it.

It's powerful, isn't it?

I knew you would understand.

You've held it.

The statue was stolen in the middle of the night.

My God.

What did the police say?

You never called them.

It's two days before the exhibit opens. I just got this job a few weeks ago. If

we could just get the statue back before someone finds out.

And then there's the curse.

The cuss.

Anyone who fills the statue.

He's English.

Elizabeth, has anything else gone missing?

Not really. I mean, nothing of importance.

One of my shoes is missing.

They were both at the entrance.

One?

Mind if I take a look at the other one?

I bought them for a costume ball a few years ago.

So whoever it was took only the left one.

What?

I know who broke in here.

She doesn't seem to be the curator type, does she?

No.

So are you going to tell me who broke in? Archie Brogan. He's the cat burglar.

A cat burglar stole the cat?

Yes.

He also has a shoe fetish. A shoe fetish? Leps only.

Right. He's very good.

As a burglar or a shoe fetisher?

Burglar, of course. But he did break up my favorite pair of pumps.

Let's catch a cab at the corner.

It's an absolute steal at the price.

I think we survived, honey.

Well, I'll be dogged if I know. Who was it you said painted this again? Oh,

Chester Gilmore. One of the masters of...

neo -modern expressionism. You don't say.

It almost breaks my heart to part with such a masterpiece.

Honey.

Well, sugar pie, if it means that much to you, I reckon we'll take it.

Hello, Lagerfeld.

Sidney. Sidney, it's been such a long time.

Um, I'm in the middle of a transaction.

Just give me a minute, will you?

This here was painted by Joseph Gilmore.

This fellow seems to think it's neat as cat's whiskers. What do you think?

It's almost as neat as the one that Gilmore painted himself.

You mean this ain't an original?

Uh, thank you very much, Sidney. Yes.

It's even more original than original.

It's a postmodern original.

Postmodern original. Now, what kind of gobbledygook is that? Did Gilmore paint

this thing or didn't he?

Of course he did, in the sense that painters paint these days. Warhol had

his assistants to do the actual painting.

The important point is the concept, the genius, the joie de vivre inspired by

the master himself.

This postmodern original is based on what most aficionados believe to be the

actual inferior original postmodern original.

Well, I declare.

Come on, honey bunch, let's light a shuck.

Look.

I am angry.

And when I get angry, Sidney, I get, uh, hello, who's that boy?

My teaching assistant.

Lucky you.

Don't tell me you came all this way just to make me envious.

I'm looking for Archie.

Archie Brogan. Whatever do you want with that pervert?

He pulled a job on someone I'm helping.

I didn't even know he was in town. He is, and I know that you know he is.

Um, Lagerfeld. And you?

Nigel. Nigel Bailey.

Nigel Bailey.

Lagerfeld, where's Archie? Darling, why would you think...

If he's in town, he's up to his old tricks, which means they'll be bringing

whatever it is he stole so that you can fence it. Fine, yes.

I'll be with you in just a moment.

This is the last address I have of his. It's a loft down in Soho.

He did tell me he had something special, but I haven't heard from him in days.

I'm very glad that you're looking at this one, because this is a pièce de

distance, as we like to say.

Lagerfeld, you're getting impatient in your middle age.

Well, I'm glad you called.

That something special that I promised was way easier to acquire

than I ever imagined.

This woman from the museum, she took it home.

Sidney Fox, I don't understand what she...

Who's there?

Good.

Band -aids could be so sharp.

Neither did I.

It's possible a circuit malfunction overloaded with current.

It's possible.

Take a pump back.

Let's get out of here.

What now?

We find that masked figure.

How do we do that? I know who it is.

You do again?

Check me out with a sitabandhu back kick. It's a classic Balinese martial

move. Certainly one of my favorites.

There's only one woman I know that's master that move.

Rosalind Lamb.

Archie and Rosalind must have teamed up.

Had a little cat fight over the statue.

Loggerfield Gallery.

Archie's dead.

Now give me some real news. Where's Nigel?

Lagerfeld. Archie's been murdered and the statue's been stolen.

Sidney, I don't mean to be callous, really, but if I was to mourn every

that promised to bring me something, I'd be a daily wreck.

Rosalind Lamb.

That name mean anything to you?

No.

Listen to me, Lagerfeld. Listen good.

Now, someone or something wants that statue bad.

Now, whoever has it is in mortal danger.

Sidney, this is New York.

We're in mortal danger every time we walk down the street.

But to put your mind at ease, I assure you, I have no idea where Rosalind Lamb

is.

Ciao, Sidney.

Now can we talk money?

You saw the statue, but the man who stole it from me is dead?

And it's been taken again.

Miss Sidney believes in the possession of a woman named Rosalind Lamb.

Why does that name sound so familiar?

Rosalind Lamb.

Should we call the police now?

No. Not yet.

Sorry.

What?

Rodland Leon.

I knew that name sounded familiar.

When we were granted the Booboss's exhibit, we added several new docents.

All volunteers.

Rosalind Lamb was one of them.

It's a great way to pull an inside job.

But I brought the statue home.

Rosalind was spying on you and told her partner about it. Your left -shoe

-sniffing cat friend who double -crossed her.

Sorry. Elizabeth, would you happen to have an address for her?

Earth flash, just like Archie's?

She did fall out of the window.

That's true.

And then there's the curse.

Die by the claws of the cat?

You think the cat's in the bag?

Find out.

It's been sold.

Do you actually think it's possible we're... We were killed by some sort of

creature? The cat god is seeking revenge.

Maybe.

Maybe it's one of those self -fulfilling prophecies. Someone doing the

fulfilling because they believe it has to be fulfilled.

Exactly.

The symbols are of the utchat, or sacred eye.

There is a legend that the utchat is a symbol of a tamaran.

That's an ancient Egyptian spiritual order.

They were sworn to attend to their pharaoh's soul in the afterlife.

It was always led by a high priestess of unparalleled power and influence in

Egyptian society.

That's right. The order's oath was to protect the pharaoh for eternity.

But the order...

would have ended with the ancient Egyptian civilization.

How would they be in New York today?

Let me pour you another.

It's actually a drink made from an authentic ancient Egyptian recipe.

Very nice.

Do you think the deaths were accidental, or do you think it was the curse?

Thanks a bunch.

Are you okay now? I was just a little too much.

You're going to be just fine.

I shouldn't have had the second news.

Is there a... The door at the end of the hall.

He'll be all right. I've seen this before with my own parents.

Sidney, what if the Tamarind Order wasn't extinct?

What if it exists to this day to protect the Pharaoh's soul in the afterlife?

What have you given us?

The Egyptian high priest of Arsag used some of her libation to relax their

sacrificial victims.

Somewhere underneath our house.

I have been entrusted with a sacred duty, Sydney.

Does it involve trick -or -treating?

Tonight, when the Beaumont comet streaks across the northern sky, I will perform

a ceremony that will allow the soul of the pharaoh to ascend to the next level.

Moth, that statue is essential to the ceremony.

Yes, it will be melted down and mixed with an ancient formula to be used in

ceremony. After pharaoh ascends, my followers and I will serve as his

in our afterlife.

How do you know that's what Moth wants?

It is what Pharaoh wants.

So this is some sort of supernatural power trip.

It is a sacred calling.

Yeah, right.

You're not Elizabeth Rockhiser.

No, I'm not.

Elizabeth was an unfortunate victim.

And a poor dresser.

Let him go.

The ceremony will take place tonight.

I need you to bring Moffat to me.

Nigel will remain here.

And if you don't provide the statue, I'll have to find another way to appease

the pharaoh while he waits for the next window of ascension.

Egyptian culture didn't include the sacrifice of victims.

Let's call it a ritual disembowelment then.

Sacrifice actually sounded better to me.

You have until midnight to get the statue.

It doesn't become you, Sidney. Look at you. It doesn't become you. Archie and

Rosalind are both dead. You're next if we don't get that statue back.

What's going on about that silly curse again, are you? I'm talking about

something deadlier than a curse here. I'm talking a crazy woman in a bustier.

Now, if you want to live, you'll tell me what you know.

I have never seen you get so worked up, Sidney.

What kind of bustier?

If we don't get that statue back by midnight, Nigel's in trouble.

Nigel Bailey?

Rosalind sold that statue before she was killed. I know. I saw the money. You

were her fence.

Oh, fence.

It's such a ghost term.

Where is the statue?

I can't tell you anything when you keep mauling me. How can I?

Ethically speaking, this is against everything I stand for.

Rosalind sold it.

She sold it. And I represented her interests.

Who has it now?

Juan Escavero, the cultural attaché to the United Nations.

He buys art, resells them in Europe, using his diplomatic immunity to ease

things through.

Has he left the country yet?

He leaves tomorrow morning for Madrid.

He'll have the little kitty cat with him.

So it's at the embassy?

Probably in his house.

Where's that?

With Nigel.

Believe me, you don't want to know.

Well, maybe you don't want to know where the statue is. Lagerfeld, this is not a

game. Yes, I know. The curse, mortal danger, blah, blah, blah.

Give it up, Sidney. Just tell me where he is. Tell me. I'll take you to him. We

will go together.

No. No, no, no.

Freeze the crowd.

Okay. Upper west side. I will give you the address if you don't go until after

midnight. Promise?

Oh, good evening, good evening.

What an absolutely charming house.

I'm here to see Nigel Bailey.

A good, good friend of mine told me he was here.

Nigel Bailey?

Party! But if I'd have known, I would have worn Egyptian motif and things.

Lovely, lovely. What do you want?

I'd like to see Nigel Bailey, please.

You would, would you?

Yes, I would.

Lagerfeld said you might be dropping by.

I must say, when Sidney told me where you were hiding, I was delighted.

Oh, but this!

This is not a game, Lagerfeld.

No, of course it's not. Not a game.

I've seen you at City Bar, haven't I?

Raoul, right?

Easy, Raoul.

Easy. Beast.

Don't rush things.

This isn't funny.

Yes, it is.

Listen, Mr. Escobaro.

We both know this is stolen. If I tell the police it's in your possession...

won't be telling the police nothing, my dear.

Will you stop grabbing at my hands? You're such a tease.

What are you doing back there?

I'm trying to get us untied before they come back and kill us.

Kill us?

What are you talking about?

I've been trying to tell you this isn't some kind of twisted role -playing game.

This is for real.

If Sidney doesn't get back here by midnight with that statue, they're going

go with plan B and sacrifice us.

Sacrifice?

What kind of fun way?

In a fun kind of disemboweling way.

You really are afraid, aren't you?

To be so ridiculous.

Here we go.

The incisions must be precise.

We must remove one organ at a time.

No. The bloodletting must not proceed until midnight.

Oh, you see, nothing to worry about.

Knife's just a prop anyway. It wouldn't cut a thing.

Oh!

Professor Poth has approximately...

Quick, take me to the Upper West Side.

I know speak English well.

The West Side.

Thirty -fourth minute?

What is she

doing with her harpoon?

Now, there's no need to be hasty. I'm sure Sidney will be back at any moment

with that statue.

What?

What? What?

Hungarian. It is time.

Go to the roof and prepare for the comet.

Time?

Romanian.

It is time.

Time? For what?

You can't be serious about all this.

It's a joke, right?

The Pharaoh's soul is all that matters.

Without Moff Dead, you must be our offering.

I don't think I'd make a decent offering. I'm not a good person. You

actually running to the call. Yes, yes, that's right. I'm horrible at the world,

so I'll get anyone. In fact, I'm disgusting.

Stop!

I've got a statue.

Give it to me.

No. No?

Sydney, are you mad? We're running out of time here.

You let them go, and I'll give you the statue.

Go.

I was hoping to stay and watch the ceremony.

Get out of here.

That's an excellent idea.

Absolutely brilliant.

Too many strange things going on in this house. Let's get out of here now.

We'll all do much better after a good meal.

We're not going.

What? We need to get the statue back. What are you talking about?

She's going to destroy the statue during the ceremony, Nigel. Excuse me. Who

cares?

I do. Why?

Just because.

Come on.

Serious, Sidney. Dead serious.

I don't say dead.

We're going back.

We just locked the doors.

Doors are locked.

Case closed. I know this wonderful little espresso bar, but... We've been

through tougher locks than that before.

Don't encourage her, Nigel.

Shut up, Lagerfeld. You're not even supposed to be here yet.

Stop!

Don't do that!

Out. I told you you couldn't stay.

You can't destroy that statue.

Why not?

Because Moffat doesn't want it destroyed.

She wants her image and spirit to remain for people to see and admire.

I serve Pharaoh, not Moffat.

Exactly. You want it destroyed for your own selfish gain so you can have power

with the Pharaoh. You don't need to do this.

You are correct.

I want to do it, and I will.

Pharaoh has his loyal servants.

Moffat has none.

She has me.

So you've taken an interest in the comet after all?

Well, after you got all worked up over it, I went to the planetarium to check

out. It was great.

Enjoyed the comet, did you?

Never actually got to see it.

But the new astrology professor?

Astronomy. Whatever.

He is out of this world.

Pardon the pun.

I got a date for Saturday night.

Oh, speaking of dates, yours called.

She cancelled.

What?

Why? Well, I can't say that I blame her.

I mean, an art opening at a museum, Nigel? Way to sweep a girl off her feet,

Romeo. Some women actually appreciate a more intellectual evening than waving a

glow stick around a meatpacking warehouse listening to ear -piercing

music.

Well, lucky you.

Someone else called, wondering if you were free, and I told them you were

available tonight.

You got me another date, did you?

You could say that.

What's wrong with her?

Well, there's nothing wrong with her.

Except that she... Except she's a what?

Night. A he.

It's... Fate, my boy.

You see, Frieda Lundstein is my favourite, favourite, favourite post

abstract expressionist.

She is.

You don't seem too well. What's wrong?

I think it's exciting to go to him. He gets like that.

He's wonderful.

I think so, too.

There's someone here to see you, too.

Your name wouldn't be

Moffat, would it?

Let's just hope that high priest doesn't have another eight lives.