All language subtitles for Goodbye.Horses.The.Many.Lives.Of.Q.Lazzarus.2025.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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♪ [rock and roll drums
come up] ♪

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♪ [synthesizer comes up] ♪

♪ [Female vocalist harmonizing] ♪

♪ He told me, ♪

♪ "I've seen it rise. ♪

♪ But, it always falls. ♪

♪ I've seen him come,
I've seen him go." ♪

♪ He said,"All things pass
into the night." ♪

♪ And I said, "Oh no, sir,
I must say wrong. ♪

♪ I must disagree.
Oh no, sir, I must say wrong ♪

♪ Won't you listen to me?" ♪

♪ He told me, ♪

♪ "I've seen it all before. ♪

♪ I've been there. ♪

♪ I've seen my hopes and dreams
lying on the ground. ♪

♪ I've seen the sky
just begin to fall." ♪

♪ He said, "All things
pass into the night." ♪

♪ And I said, "Oh no, sir.
I must say wrong. ♪

♪ I must disagree. Oh no, sir,
I must say wrong. ♪

♪ Won't you listen to me?" ♪

I grew up in Mexico City
in the 1980s

and my life
revolved around music.

I bought my first record
when I was 6,

a 45 of Blondie's
"Heart of Glass"

and listened
to the radio constantly,

recording songs
onto cassette tapes.

My sister and I would
spend our weekends

singing our favorite songs

and recording each other,

and at this point I discovered
my next love...

Making movies.

In high school, I started going
dancing at Goth clubs

and going to the movies
every week.

I went to see
The Silence of the Lambs

and was instantly struck by

the haunting song that Jame Gumb
dances to in his dress-up scene.

The song was "Goodbye Horses"
by someone named Q Lazzarus.

A few years later,
I moved to New York City,

went to film school
and learned how to DJ.

I started throwing
weekly parties

and would usually play
"Goodbye Horses".

The crowds loved it.

♪ ["Goodbye Horses" playing
in background] ♪

I tried to find
more music by Q Lazzarus,

but there was none to be found
other than that song.

But I did learn that Q
was named Diane Luckey

and that she'd been
a taxi driver in the 80s.

I also learned that
she'd completely vanished

in the mid-1990s,

and that none of her friends
or collaborators

had any idea
what had happened to her.

Some even thought
she might be dead.

Meanwhile,
the song "Goodbye Horses"

became more and more popular,

with several bands
doing covers of it.

♪ [Various versions of
"Goodbye Horses"] ♪

♪ He told me... ♪

♪ I’ve seen it rise... ♪

♪ But... ♪

♪ It always falls. ♪

♪ I've seen him come,
I've seen him go. ♪

♪ He said... ♪

♪ All things pass
into the night. ♪

♪ And I said..

"Oh no sir,
I must say wrong"... ♪

♪ I must disagree
Oh no, sir... ♪

It was also featured
in a Gucci commercial,

several video games,

TV shows and movies.

My DJ days wound down and

I focused increasingly
on filmmaking,

but I never stopped
wondering what

had happened to Diane Luckey.

In 2019 I read an article
in Dazed and Confused

in which the writer
went to an address listed

for a Diane Luckey

in Staten Island,
but she was unable to find her.

A few months later,

I called a car service to go
from Brooklyn to Manhattan

and struck up a conversation
with the driver.

She was an African-American
woman in her late 50s,

and mentioned she lived
in Staten Island.

She was playing Neil Young,

and I asked her if she had
ever seen him live,

to which she replied,
"My concert days are long gone."

I then asked if
she had ever seen Q Lazzarus.

She was a bit taken aback,
and said she'd heard of her,

and changed the subject.

And then,
when we got to Manhattan

and I was about
to get out of the car,

she turned and extended
her hand, and said,

"Nice to meet you Eva, I'm Q."

We're doing this documentary
to let you know what went wrong,

and what happened.

The truth!

That why I disappeared.

Because I had to.

♪ [Electronic music comes up] ♪

♪ Yesterday ♪

♪ Half the world ♪

♪ Was coming on to me ♪

♪ Now it's today ♪

♪ that I need ♪

♪ someone to be with me. ♪

♪ Ooh have you ever had a love ♪

♪ that you could
only think of? ♪

♪ Pictures in my mind ♪

♪ Ooh leaving them behind. ♪

♪ Your love is my mistake ♪

Hello Q! Hi, girl.

Say: I'm back!

♪ I was living in a dream ♪

♪ a dream ♪

♪ with no peace... ♪

♪ [Electronic music fades out] ♪

[laughter]

I really gotta tell you guys.

This is like really going over
a person's life...[laughing]

that has been, you know,
under the ground...

for a really long time.

Umm, I think since
Philadelphia, the movie.

So much I haven't looked at
in so many years.

We're talking 30 years here.

Close to it.

So these are my parents
in Asbury Park, New Jersey.

My father was a veteran
of World War II,

and he had the opportunity
to buy a beautiful home

in Neptune, New Jersey.

And that's where we lived.

My mother and father
had 7 children,

and all of us are alive
except my sister Sharon.

I decided I wanted
to be a singer when

my elementary school teacher
decided to take us to see

Bubbling Brown Sugar
in New York.

♪ [band strikes up] ♪

♪ [spirited musical chorus] ♪

I decided that
that's where I was gonna live,

and I was gonna be a singer,

and I wasn't quite sure if I was
gonna be a Broadway singer,

or a rock star,

a pop star, whatever,
but I was gonna sing.

I was about 12 years old
and I turned to the church.

And I had my own choir.

And we used to
travel up and down

to different
Baptist churches and sing,

and we were quite good.

We were quite good.

Okay so let me explain to you
a little bit about the church,

Mount Pisgah,

the church that
I was raised up in.

Our family played
a very big part in the church

because my mother and father
had 7 children.

We were in the choir,
we were missionaries.

You know, all the activities in
the church we were part of.

And here it is...

Mount Pisgah Baptist Church.

And it looks the same.

Believe it or not,
it looks the same.

Now I can see that...

Oh, some of the sisters
are still here.

Lemme go ask whether or not
the church is still open.

Ooh, girl!

[warm laughter]

Oh my goodness!

Miss Diane Luckey!

You know I go under
Q Lazzarus now,

and we're doing a film.
Give me a hug!

- Girl, lookee here.
- You guys don't be ageing.

Tell me what the secret is,
if you say Vaseline

I'm gonna hit you!

- I just say Jesus!
- Just keeping moving, right?

As you can see,
when we rolled up,

they knew me right away.

[warm laughter]

It's so good to see them because

those women,
literally they're all I knew.

I went from school,
home to church.

School, home to church.

And that's the way
it was, honey.

Growing up in...

such a spiritual home...

was difficult and
the reason being is that...

All of us were very musical and

it wasn't about
singing spirituals,

it was about R&B.

It was about what was
being played on the radio.

And what we were listening to.

And what we were listening to.

I'm in the genre of Dionne Warwick
and Anita Baker.

And you always wanted
to be Rod Stewart!

That's right!

- So...
- Sorry!

That was something that
I had to try to ascertain why.

Because that was not
in the house at all.

No.

What first inspired me
was the fact that

my older sister could sing.

And went after her dream.

She didn't go after
higher education

or a husband and children

with a picket fence or whatever.

She went after her dream.

And when you go
after your dream,

there's nothing like it.

There's good times
and bad times,

but there's nothing like it.

So I decided at 18 it's time
for me to go to New York,

and it was against
my parent's wishes because

they wanted to see me
go on to college.

And I just didn't have
the patience to wait for that.

[guitar music comes up]
♪ Summertime ♪

I lived in the Bronx on Teller
Avenue, the south Bronx.

That was some really tough
times, and that was when rap

just started to come out.

I used to do backup work
in some studios

and it just wasn't giving me
enough, so I started writing.

I became a taxi driver
because of my lifestyle.

I couldn't get
a regular paying 9-5,

and I didn't want one.

I always wanted to be free,

be able to get up and go
when I want to go.

Do what I want to do.

That's when I started getting
real serious about my music.

The melody was not going
towards gospel,

or soul, R&B,

you know rhythm and blues.

It was heading towards rock.

♪ Until that morning...♪

♪ There ain't nothing
gonna harm you... ♪

♪ Cause your Momma and Daddy
is standing by. ♪

Well, I met Bill Garvey
at the Lower East Side...

at a party.

And we started hanging out
just me and him,

and writing.

We performed at SNAFU,

that was my first
little performance.

And I performed at the Pyramid
down in the East Village,

and a couple of
other little places.

We would have our little track,

and hit our little track,

and it would come on,
and I would perform!

♪ [musical track comes up] ♪

♪ Ohhh... Lemme tell you now... ♪

♪ There’s a place
there’s a place to go ♪

♪ There’s a place
there’s a place I know ♪

She was about to have a show,
down in the East Village.

At the Boy's Bar
on St. Mark's Place.

And I was her dancer in the show

and she sang the song
from Porgy and Bess,

♪ "Summertime,
when the living is easy..." ♪

She sang a song called "Slave"
and I would be her slave

and I'm telling you
she was rough!

One time she threw me
around with my handcuffs,

and I think I kicked
all the drinks off the stage.

So we were wild! We were
quite wild in those days.

One day Bill calls me
and he says:

"I need you to come
put a vocal down."

"No, I can't put a vocal down!

I'm working, and I'm tired,
and I've been working now

for about 18 hours straight."

He says, "Just come and listen!"
So I go over to his house,

it has to be at least
4 o'clock in the morning.

I was very tired, I wanted
to do it in one take and...

It just worked.

What a lot of people
don't realize is that Quiana

was very responsible for
constructing all of those songs.

Because again, when William

would come up with a song,
he'd be like:

"Oh this is it!"

And it was like: "He told me,

I've seen it rise,
it always falls."

And she would do the...

♪ "He told me,
I've seen it rise." ♪

And one of the most
important things:

We were fooling around
with my Casio,

and she says:
"Oh I love that sound!"

and I believe
they called it "sci-fi,"

and she took it
and she worked it

and all of a sudden
we had a track

with that same sci-fi sound
that she created

because I remember her playing
with it, that ♪ Na na, na na...♪

♪ [Electronic music comes up] ♪

♪ He told me, ♪

♪ "I've seen it rise. ♪

♪But it always... ♪

♪ falls. ♪

I've seen him come,
I've seen him go."

He said,"All things pass
into the night."

So we met at an apartment
in the East Village and

Q took me for
a ride in the taxi,

and we talked about
what kind of images we wanted,

what kind of music video
we were gonna do.

I had my little nephew there,
and my sister was there.

Q brought in her friend Dan
to do some of the dancing.

And in the actual production
it was Q and myself,

and the people
that I brought to help out,

and the people that
Q brought to be in it.

There was no company involved,
no producers, no directors,

no money, no nothing.

The only money that was spent
was money that we got together

to buy the tape to record it on.

And no record has been made.

Which blows me away.

I still don't understand how
that could have been the case.

I mean if Jonathan Demme can
get in the taxi

and say, "Oh my God!"

and he puts it in two of his
movies, that's a powerful song!

I picked up Jonathan Demme
around the 50s or the 40s

on the West Side,
and we were going uptown.

He got in the car,
him and another man,

they were in deep conversation.

But I wasn't paying attention
to the conversation

because I was working
on my music.

I would sing a few lyrics,
you know...

♪ [riffing] ♪

Cause I wanted to hear it.

So the car went quiet.

And then I said, "I'm working
on a song, you guys."

And Jonathan says,
"Go right on ahead,

it sounds good, I like it."

And when I dropped
him off he said,

"My name is
Jonathan Demme and

I'm a director
and here's my card."

So I called his assistant up
and she said,

"Send me your tape" and I did.

Like six months later,

she called me back and she said,

"Jonathan wants to use
one of your songs

that was on the tape
in the movie."

And I was delighted.

I was hoping
you'd show up tonight.

- When'd you get out?
- I've been looking for you.

Jonathan walked in and said,
"You gotta hear this, Eddy."

And I'm sure popped
a cassette in at the time

and it was "Goodbye Horses."

And he told me that he'd
met Q when she was driving.

I really liked that band.

The music is kind of strange.
I like it.

♪ [song comes up] ♪

♪ He told me,
"I've seen it rise... ♪

Cheers.

Cheers.

And he was giving me
work and it was good.

And I was meeting people
in the film industry

which was excellent.

But as far as the rock industry

in the United States,
in New York,

they weren't ready for
a black rock and roll singer.

Jonathan wanted
to really help her.

She spent I think about
a good month and change in LA.

She goes "I went to all these
places I met all these people,"

and she said, "Every place
I went to they would say to me,

"We like your music,
we like your sound Q,

but we just can't market you."

So I said to her,"I'm gonna
have to go somewhere else."

Where? I don't know.

Maybe France.

Germany.

I had a really good friend
named Danny Z and he says,

"Come to London."

[a gentle, repetitive
guitar riff plays]

[voice of fortune teller]

♪ [rock and roll comes up] ♪

When I went to London,
I had saved enough money

that I could live
about six or seven months

with an apartment and food
without getting a job.

And then I had to
develop my band.

And I had so many influences
that were clawing at me because

I was listening to AC/DC.

I was listening to Motorhead.

These people
I was listening to, going:

"I really would like
a female version of this."

At the same time,
I was listening to Janis...

Aretha...

Patti Labelle...

Dionne Warwick.

And I was like, "Where am I?
Where do I stand?" You know.

I know I'm gonna sing a rock and
roll song with black influence,

I already know that...

You know?

And it's most likely gonna have
some gospel influence in there.

So all this stuff was just like
molding together and so...

Nobody understood it.

I met Mark in Swiss Cottage,
that's where I was living.

And he is my guitar player.

One of the best guitar players
I have ever heard.

We got to talking and I said,

"Mark, I need to put
a band together

and you're a guitar player,
I need some musicians."

"My best friend
he's a bass player."

His name was Jon Baby Bouillot.

Fine, so fine.

So fine! That was
a good-looking boy, okay?

Then I found Shane, my drummer,
and he was the sweetest thing.

Oh, Shane!

I had really good people
in my band.

From the first hour
that we started

working together we all thought,

"Oh we've got something great
here, this is something new."

Both Mark and I
were more rock-orientated.

Q was... I don't know if you
can even categorize her,

but she had a soulful voice
with a rock edge. So it was...

Also the look was something
different of the whole band.

And there was a lot of work
to do in the band.

We felt we had something here

with Q and the songs
we were writing.

Something was gonna happen.
It had to!

Cause how could you
ignore this person?

When she came at ya singing with
her big eyes and her big voice.

We just had to find
a song, the song.

It was rock and roll.

And it had a guitar,

a bass, a drummer,

and a hard vocalist.

♪ You took away my heart,
you took away my soul. ♪

♪ You took away my joy
and you hurt me so bad. ♪

♪ Babe you took away my love,
you took away my soul. ♪

♪ You turn it around,
you turn it around me ♪

♪ twice and find
that I love you. ♪

Q is one of a kind.

And I remember walking through
Camden Market with her,

this big, beautiful woman.

And everybody would look at Q,

not because of her size,

but her magic.

I was absolutely gobsmacked
when I saw her.

She was this force of life.

I've never seen a presence
on stage like it before.

And she just...Her voice
just carried absolute power.

Are you ready?

I don't believe you!
Are you ready?

Oh my god, let me hear it again!

Let's go!
♪ [Electric guitar comes up] ♪

♪ [Q riffing powerfully] ♪

♪ [full band comes up] ♪

♪ Did you ever wake up
in the morning, ♪

♪ your soul was old? ♪

♪ What did you do,
what did you do? ♪

♪ Did you ever hold
my hand in the park? ♪

♪ What did you do,
what did you do? ♪

This was what would then
have been called "heavy metal".

That's what we were playing.

And...

"Goodbye Horses"
was not heavy metal.

I heard "Goodbye Horses"
and basically

we started playing it
right at the start.

And then when the film came out,

we recorded the "B" side for it.

You know, it's really unusual
to put a song into a film

and then the very
next film you direct,

you feature that song
even more prominently!

Like that just doesn't happen
much if you watch movies.

Right? That a filmmaker
will do that.

But for Jame Gumb's dance,

there was nothing better.

♪ Goodbye horses, ♪

♪ I'm flying over you. ♪

[crying]

[barking]

♪ Goodbye horses, ♪

♪ I'm flying, flying...♪

We started to gig it more as

people had seen
more of the film.

Also with the advent of this
dance-indie crossover thing,

the songs became,
the heavy metal songs

were swapped out for some
newer songs that sort of

went with "Goodbye Horses."

♪ Bang bang, ♪

♪ Give me your bang bang. ♪

♪ Bang bang, ♪

♪ give me your thing. ♪

♪ Do you really think
I'm gonna let you go? ♪

♪ When I close my eyes
you really steal the show. ♪

Now here we are in the club
area and on my left-hand side

I have our resident Dome
Svengali, Q Lazzarus.

Who incidentally not
only fronts her own band,

but has also contributed
to the soundtrack of that

much-acclaimed movie
Silence of the Lambs.

There has been difficulty with
black artists in terms of

making money in the States.

Would that be
one of the reasons

why you have come
over to London?

Yes, to answer your question.

That is one of the reasons why
I came over to Britain

cause I wanted to find
my own sound,

and I didn't want anyone
to hinder me from being,

from me actually expressing
what I'm all about.

And once again,

not as bad as New York but

we came up against some blocks.

I used to accompany her going
to all the record companies

and she'd be giving out
her tapes and stuff.

We'd often talk whilst we were
doing this about the rejection,

because they couldn't
quite place her.

You know, there she is this
woman, amazing voice...

Amazing voice.

Amazing presence.

And because
she sang rock music

and all this stuff
in those days.

It didn't fit into any boxes.

It couldn't be
pigeon-holed anywhere.

It was a big black woman
and a rock band.

There wasn't
any precedent for it.

Which is what we liked.

But the notoriously conservative

record companies
weren't into it.

They all lacked imagination.
They all lacked the ability to...

They wanted something
that fit into their vision

of what music was about
and not what was possible.

We kept plugging at it.

We kept plugging at it.

In the meantime, a lot of
other things were happening

that changed Q Lazzarus,

or put her on a different path.

So the love of my life
in London,

Richard.

Richard and I met
at the Hippodrome.

He was already promoting,
so he had some business.

He said, "Just stay right here,
don't go nowhere now.

Just stay right here."

I said, "I'm not going anywhere,
cause I don't know nobody,

[laughter]

I don't have no friends here,

I'm just coming to check out the
rock night and what's going on.

So I'm not going anywhere."

And that's how we met.

Every now and then,
we would go out from London

to some small town
and do a show,

just to break in
some new material

and see the reaction
of the audience.

And he would be there.

He would be there
every step of the way.

And at one point,
he was my manager.

But that wasn't a good idea.

♪ Why...♪

♪ Did you tell a lie? ♪

♪ Did you really think
I'd lay down and die? ♪

♪ Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no,no ♪

♪ I really want you to know. ♪

♪ [song fades out] ♪

Richard and her
got on really well.

They'd really support
each other.

But I don't really want
to make more comment than that

because I was also there
for the darker times as well.

I think that
he was a bad influence.

And I don't like
talking down anybody,

but I can remember
at the time I had a bad feeling,

and to this day that feeling
has never left me.

When Q and Richard got together
and she started promoting clubs,

I suppose with hindsight I can
notice a lack of attendance

at rehearsals increasing,
a bit more unreliability.

So that possibly
tied in with the drugs.

When I was in New York,

I didn't do drugs.

And I very rarely had a drink.

Just, I wasn't interested.

But he was into drugs,

and I think that him doing drugs
and alcohol all the time...

I wanted to be with him,
so that's what I did.

So yes, we had
rock nights in London.

I think we had every single night
except maybe Monday.

You're at
the Hippodrome rock night,

with a capacity of 2,000 people.

Each one of these bands
that you're about to see

has played here.

And what are we doing about it?
You're about to see.

Ladies and gentlemen,

you're about to get
the hell kicked out of you!

Can you talk a bit about

some of the venues
that your band was playing at?

All of them.

We promoted it, we played.

[laughter]

You know? Why wouldn't I
put myself on my own stage?

It was good.

London was very good to me.

♪ Oh heaven...♪

♪ is a place...♪

Meet Q Lazzarus.
That's right, Q Lazzarus.

♪ Where nothing can go wrong...♪

Q comes from Quiana
which means thank you.

And Lazzarus comes from
Lazarus in the Bible,

the guy who rose from the dead.

Lazzarus sings a heartwarming
song called "Heaven"

during a party scene
in the movie Philadelphia.

The thing with Philadelphia was

one of his assistants
called me up and said:

"We're almost
at the end of a movie

that Jonathan is directing and

he wants you to be
in the movie."

And I said: "Well what song?"

And he said
"Heaven by David Byrne."

I can only imagine for Q,
the idea of showing up

and being with a full film crew,

Tom Hanks, Denzel Washington,
Antonio Banderas...

And you've gotta perform
in that setting,

and it's going to be
memorialized forever?

I would have been terrified.

But she kills it.

♪ It is hard to imagine ♪

♪ that nothing at all,
Could be so exciting, ♪

♪ could be so exciting, ♪

♪ and so much fun. ♪

When we came back from London...

to...

film for Philadelphia,

Richard and I set up
home in Philly

because it was close to
where they were filming,

and also because I wanted
to test the waters again

because times was changing,
you know?

So maybe there was a chance
of something happening here.

Yes! Happy Unity Day 1994,
the Ben Franklin Parkway

Now we have a woman that flew
all the way in from England,

she has been on Orion Pictures'
Silence of the Lambs.

Give a warm welcome
for Q Lazzarus!

How ya doing out there, Philly!

We're gonna do a couple of songs
for you tonight,

so if you feel like dancing,

just shake your leg, and come on
up here, and make me feel good!

♪ [Band comes up] ♪

♪ The time... ♪

♪ The time is right... ♪

This is a song
that Dan and I recorded.

Dan being the writer,
the arranger,

me being the producer

and the vocal artist.

♪ [song continues] ♪

Dan is my best friend.

He was always my best friend.

He's not only my best friend,
he was my brother.

Whatever I need.

So one night
she took out the keyboard

and I had the lyrics

and we sat down and we wrote
a song called "The Boy".

It didn't stop there. That's how
"I Need to Know" came about,

"Your Love is My Mistake",
"Limboland"...

A lot of songs.

♪ [music playing in background] ♪
This is wonderful!

Man, we were young!

♪ [Q singing vocals on the song] ♪

Yeah, that's me.

♪ [music continues] ♪

We were kids, man,
we were not fucking around!

We were not fucking around!
You hear what I'm saying?

We weren't playing!

♪ When you get the feeling ♪

♪ something’s about to burst. ♪

♪ Hey...♪

♪ And it gets extremely hard ♪

♪ to quench your loving thirst. ♪

People have said to me,

"We do not understand
why you and Dan is not famous."

I got that so much.

They took two people,
me and my best friend...

Two very, very talented people.

Not very educated,
just talent!

Raw...

Talent!

And they would not even
try to help us,

to try to give us...

a chance.

Only one person did that
and he did it

over year after year after year!

And that was Jonathan.

And I had to accept it,

and how I accept it
was to bury it in drugs.

Alcohol.

Fun nights.

Because I knew I wasn't
gonna have my dream,

because nobody would listen.

And I didn't know
how to make them listen.

I don't care how much
good music I put out there.

They were not listening.

[Beeping]

[voice mail ends]

So Richard, who you know
was my partner at the time,

decided, "Okay, we'll stay here
for like 6 months

and see how it goes."

But as the time was going on,
we were growing apart.

And one of the reasons was
because he was missing home,

and he just didn't like Philly.

So something happened,

that's what he said,

that...

He needed to go home
because there was an emergency

with his mom at the time.

So of course, I said,
"No problem," and

to make a long story short,

he got his plane ticket and

he left...

And I've never seen him since.

♪ Baby, I need to know. ♪

♪ If you can hold me, ♪

♪ don't let go. ♪

♪ Don't you let me go. ♪

I went into a
very deep depression.

And...

Music wasn't the first thing
on my mind

when I woke up in the morning.

It was Richard,
the relationship.

What happened? What did I do?

I wasn't good enough,
I didn't make it fast enough.

We went to Washington D.C.
to perform for the opening

and when they gave out
the soundtrack,

Q realized that she was not on.

And that was a devastating blow.

And Richard was not in New York,
he already was back in London.

But he was meant to come back,
but he never came back.

So between the soundtrack and
Richard not coming back,

something happened with her.

I didn't really tell anyone

that Richard is not coming back.

But they seen
a drastic change in me.

When you look back on
when I started to use drugs,

it was in London.

It went from once
every now and then,

to every day use,
but still functioning.

To when he left,
completely out of control.

So when I say "out of control,"

I mean nothing else matter

except isolating the pain
that you're going through.

When you used this drug crack,

you became addicted immediately.

I lost everything.

My apartment...

Oh god...

Everything.

And I came to New York and

I went to the East Village
to a girlfriend's house.

And then her mother died.

So I said, "I'm gonna go

and I'm gonna stay
at your mom's house

and I'm gonna pack things up."

And I started living there.

Then I heard nothing.

She was gone.

When Q disappeared,
it was a big loss to everybody.

You know not just personally but
the music scene and everything.

All of a sudden she was gone and

I think that was also
kind of a Q trait.

She just had that tendency
to come and go.

You don't know
how she got there

and you don't know
how she got away.

Now imagine y'all,
this is a school.

It was a school then
and it's a school now, okay?

Now, down here...

I want to show you where
they used to do their drops.

They would drop
the drop in that hole,

and then the dealer would
come and pick it up.

And I caught it one day.

I moved it. Hoomp!

Right? And I'm walking back
the other way. Right?

I walk back the other way.

But he caught it.

He caught it cause he knew that
the dealer was

down by the corner.

And it's not there, and I was
the only one who went past him.

And he knew what I looked like.

He knew I was part of
the neighborhood.

And I realized this is serious.

This is not taking
5 or 6 bundles of crack.

No...

This is like a half a key here.

A few days later,

I'm in the apartment.

I'm being very quiet because
I'm using and I'm paranoid.

I got all my lights off.

I don't even have
no music playing.

I'm just hitting my pipe.

But there was somebody
in front of my door,

I could see their feet.

And not only were they
at my door.

They weren't leaving.

Girl, let me tell you
what I did!

I got on the phone.

I called the police.

I told the police:

"There's shooting
in the building."

The police came...

They clocked that one of those,
it was 3 of them, had guns!

[boom, boom, boom...]

Jesus!

I came out of the apartment

after things had settled down
and I realized:

"Oh they got
these motherfuckers."

Just as I was, like a neighbor.

"What happened?
What's going on?

I don't want to stay here,
I'm scared!"

And I went through
all this big dramatic...

I would have got an Oscar,
honey child!

I went through the whole thing,
going down the steps saying,

"Oh my Lord! All these bullets,
look at all these bullet holes!"

And they had to get
me out of that scene.

"Please get her out of here!

We got a crime scene here!"

So after going through all that,

the tenants started
to complain about me

and they got
an association together

to kick me out because they said
that I was not on the lease.

And they threw me out

on the street
with all my things,

and I went literally from
having an apartment,

to being on the street
within minutes.

I had nothing.

Nothing.

Except the little money I had,

cash in my hand, and
the little bit of product I had.

♪ [music comes up] ♪

♪ I went to the city
to look around. ♪

♪ And I seen glass buildings
standing high in the sky. ♪

♪ And a man said,
"Lady, do you have a nickel? ♪

♪ Cause my wife and child
is dying in the streets." ♪

So I was on the streets,

and I had changed
my name to Pam.

And so nobody knew me
as Q or Diane.

But I was the new girl
on the block.

Cause now I was
really on the street.

So I had to really learn where
the crack houses was,

where the dope houses was,

where the prostitution was,
where everything was going on

in that community,
what was happening.

Cause I was on the street,

I was sleeping on the street!

I was homeless,
I was part of the shanty town.

And when I used all my product,

and I didn't have no money,

and I didn't have any job.

I had to decide:
"Well, what you gonna do?"

So I sold my body.

And...

It was something
that I had always

sworn that I would never do.

There was nothing in the world
could ever make me ever do that.

But that cocaine did.

I remember
the first time I did it too.

And I didn't know how to act,
what to say.

And the guy came up,
he said to me,

"Do you got a real fat pussy?"

And I said...

Because, cause...

Because I'd never
done this before,

I didn't realize that that's

supposed to be
some type of comment,

because where I came from,

your pussy was
supposed to be tight.

[laughing]

Not fat and drooping.

You know what I'm saying?

And I was like,
"No, my pussy's very tight."

I looked at him
like he was crazy!

And then I realized, I'm not

responding back to him
the way I'm supposed to

because I don't know how to.

So he went on his way and...

I had to talk to
the girls on the street.

I knew how to dress 'cause
I was a rock and roller.

I didn't have no problem putting
the makeup on and the wigs.

I was good!

But I didn't know the language.

♪ Sitting here in a dark bar, ♪

♪ the lights were flashing. ♪

♪ He was over there
by the front wall, ♪

♪ the night is for fighting. ♪

♪ So late yeah,
but I don't care. ♪

♪ He's driving me crazy. ♪

♪ I looked in his eyes and
I burned through his mind. ♪

♪ The night is for taking. ♪

♪ Flesh for sale... ♪

And then the using
of the drug progressed

til you just didn't care
to put makeup on!

You know, I understand
prostitution when it comes to:

"I'm going out,
it's my business,

I'm making my money."

You know, you go to work,
you're going to work.

But when you are strictly
going out just to

get enough money for...

Drugs...

It's insane.

Back in the day,
this was rough country,

this was Dodge City.

And I would come to this church
and I would sleep,

whether it was on the bench,

the same benches
that are there now.

Or, if I was too late and
somebody had already got them,

I would sleep...

I would climb the fence

and I would sleep
on the other side of the church.

[bells tolling]

Right up in here,

on the back side
of these trees, right here...

Is where I slept.

This is where my home was.

One thing never change.

And this is where
the homeless...

I don't touch nothing.

But this is where
the homeless slept last night.

And not only did he
sleep here, or she...

They did their drugs here too.

At my really low point
is when I met Bob.

When I met Q...

Umm, that's not the name
she gave me at the time

but that doesn't matter.

It was on 12th Street

and 1st Avenue.

We met crossing the street
and said hello and...

We got to talking and...

It was a cold, cold night.
It was very cold.

And all I could see
was her eyes.

I mean she was bundled up
like a winter burka,

all you saw were the eyes

and I just loved the eyes.

And then you know,
we had a drink

and started talking and we...

We hit it off!

I was working as a manager
of a messenger service.

Bicycle messenger.

And as far as how old I was,
it was what 90? Mid-90s?

So I was, I was 37.

Right, and I was 36.

And I knew I liked her
a great deal, you know.

And when we parted company,

I was just so convinced that

I was never going
to see her again.

Cause it's like, you know,
there's no way

that she's ever gonna want to
have anything to do with me!

And...

She did.

♪ [music comes up] ♪

♪ No I never expected
this to happen. ♪

♪ Not in here, ♪

♪ not this way, ♪

♪ not tonight. ♪

♪ Just thought I'd come out
for a few laughs, ♪

♪ a quick drink, ♪

♪ and a smoke, ♪

♪ then good night. ♪

♪ Then you came on to me, ♪

♪ and said... ♪

Our song is "Wild Horses"
from the Rolling Stones.

And...

- When we were having...
- Which I can't listen to...

- When we were having our first-
- Anymore.

Intimate...

- Romantic...
- Romantic...

- Interlude.
- Interlude.

[laughter]

Back in the day, we called it
"slow dragging", you know.

And I taught him how to
slow drag to this song.

Dragged me is what you did.

And he literally couldn't
like keep up slow dragging.

Slow dragging, you don't
have to do much, you just...

You said, "Dance with me"
and I said, "I can't dance."

- One two, one two, one two.
- I was right, I can't dance.

You know slow dragging,
you hold each other close.

One two.

- Couldn't do it.
- But we had a very nice...

- We had a very nice evening.
- Yes, we did.

How much did you know
when you met Q

about her musical past?

Nothing,
I knew absolutely nothing

until she decided to tell me.

But I told you the truth.

No, your sister
told me the truth.

- Did she?
- Oh no, you told me.

- I told you, I told you.
- She told me she was an RN...

She'd been an RN
and worked in a hospital and...

So I had no reason
to disbelieve her.

And then sometime later
she's asking me

a health question or something.

And I'm like, "Why are you
asking me? You're a nurse!"

She said, "I'm not a nurse."

"So then why'd
you tell me you were?"

[laughter]

And then I'm like,
"I guess the rock star stuff is

a bunch of, you know,

made up stuff too,
I don't know."

Because I didn't want you
to know that I was on drugs,

and I was
a prostitute and homeless.

Pretty much everybody on the
Lower East Side was on drugs.

Yeah but that's not the point.
That's not the point, you know?

[laughter]

And so we were getting together

so I had to come up with
something besides...

I didn't want anybody
to know at that point

where Q Lazzarus was.

This particular...

Day.

Or this case, my case,

I happened to be not the buyer,
I was the seller.

So if the dealer said:

"Okay, I'll tell you
what you're gonna do.

You're gonna sell this bundle,

and out of the bundle
you keep two."

You know?

And that's how you got
your shit for the night.

And that was the situation.

I was selling to use,

and they caught me.

But how it all came about
that I even considered stopping

was because I said, "You
know what?" Sitting somewhere

smoking a pipe, and I said,

"When's the last time
I had my period?"

And I couldn't remember.

So I said,
"Well that's not good."

So I went to the drugstore
and I stole a pregnancy test,

and it came out positive.

So I went to Beth Israel,
and the doctor told me

that I was
5 and 1/2 months pregnant.

That's a long, long, long time

for a baby to be inside of you

and you're using...

Cocaine.

You know,

it comes a time when
you are carrying that cross,

that cross get...

That cross get
very hard to carry.

And that's when
you get down on one knee

because you can't,
you can't hold it up no more.

I didn't know
what I was gonna do.

But suicide was very...

It was sounding very good to me.

Remember I have a court case.

Think it was
the next day, day after.

The judge said,
"You know what, Miss Luckey?

I'm gonna give your behind
a little time to cool off.

You're not going home today.

You understand?

It's called
Care, Custody and Control.

That's where you're going.

You're going to
Rikers Island today."

♪ When I was young,
I had everything, I abused it. ♪

♪ Everything I ever touched,
I used it. ♪

♪ Backwards, forwards, turn
upside down, I needed it. ♪

♪ It holds me up when
I'm down on the floor. ♪

♪ It's a fool's life...♪

Well my sentence was 3 to life,
and I had a bundle.

Ten little chunks of crack.

Vials.

Not a big deal.

Where the guys who was selling
millions on the street

was getting the same time.

One night I was sleeping
in my bed,

and this inmate next door to me

She got up,

and she started praising God.

She just kept saying,
"Jesus, Jesus, Jesus..."

and "Save me,
save me from, save me..."

And she did this
for like, hours.

And the next day, I walked out.

It was breakfast time,
and I said,

"Look, as long as
this baby is in you,

you can't use no more drugs."

Came out in 7 days,
the judge says,

"I want to see you
back here in 3."

So I said to the prosecutor:

"I have a baby in me,

and...

I can't go back on the street.

I'm not that strong.
I've only been here 7 days.

And I'm sober."

She said, "There's something
about you Miss Luckey,

that I believe that you can be
one of those persons

that can change
your life around."

She says,
"I'm gonna offer you a deal.

I'm gonna send you to Odyssey,
a drug treatment program,

and you're gonna learn to live
your life without drugs."

This is right after
me having James,

and we're just sleeping together
as mom and son,

and I'm holding him...

And that was before
she went away.

Yeah.

James was supposed to come
in August, but he came in June.

He was a premature baby,
but very healthy.

But I was dabbing,
so it was in James' system.

And ACS let the judge know
that James was born

with traces of cocaine.

So when the whole thing
went down,

I called my people.
My people came and got my son.

So I was lucky that way.

Three days later,
I'm back in court.

The judge says,
"I'm going to send you

to a drug program called Daytop

because those 17 months?

They no longer count."

When she was away,
when Diane was away,

I had to take care of James.

And I did my best but...

You know now I'm single,
I'm working full time.

And I had to find
a babysitter who

charged me
a great deal of money.

And then eventually,
it became more feasible

for her family, her mother,
him staying there permanently,

and me coming down
on the weekends.

I went through the whole thing,
and I became a senior

and...

I had an urge.

And I remember
getting on my knees and I said,

"Jesus, I only got
a few choices here.

I might graduate from this
program, but I'm gonna go back,

I'm never gonna
get to know my son,

I'm never gonna be a good mom,

I'm never gonna do anything
that I want to do,

all I'm gonna be is
a fucking crackhead.

Second choice

is that I can just kill myself.

I don't have to worry about
the embarrassment of my son

'cause he don't know me!
He knows my mom and my sisters.

He thinks his mom
is in the hospital

because she's sick.

He's 4 1/2 years old.
He don't know.

Or...

You're gonna have to come in

and you are gonna have to
give me the strength

not to use drugs again."

I graduated. I had no skills.

I was always in music.

I said, "But you know what
you do do real good, Diane?

You drive real well."

I went and got my CDL,
I found a job.

And I found an apartment.

And I did everything
I was supposed to do

not because it was
on a piece of paper,

but because I knew this is what
I had to do to get my son back.

Because the whole time,
I wanted my son back.

I wanted my baby.

You all have had him
for a long time.

It's time for me
to raise my son.

And one year,

to the day,

James came

and lived with me
and his father.

He was 6 years old.

♪ [music comes up] ♪

♪ The sun is up. ♪

♪ The tide is low. ♪

♪ Sand is white. ♪

♪ Ships are moving slow. ♪

♪ The sky is blue. ♪

♪ Birds are flying low. ♪

♪ Singing to a tune...♪

Growing up, my mom,
she was always...

Just wild.

She's just like a wild,
fun person to be around.

Sometimes she's a little
too wild

and it's a little annoying but

it's always super fun especially
family gatherings and events.

When I was younger though,

when she would go on

Niagara Falls tours
and things like that...

That she'd be gone for like,
sometimes like 3, 4, 5 days.

I was driving coach buses,
passengers, yes.

I mainly drove the East coast.

I drove from Florida
straight up to Canada.

What is it about
driving that you like?

I get to think.

You know, evaluate.

See the world change.
I like to see change.

When I was a bus driver,

a few people
were invited over to

one of the bus driver's house.

And they all came in
and they said,

"Are you a singer?"

And I said, "Of course not,
I'm a bus driver, you ass!"

"No! There's this woman inside
this movie called Philadelphia,

and we all was watching it.

And she looks just like you!
She's your twin, Luck!

At that time,
they called me Luckey.

"Luckey, she's your twin!"

And I was just like, "Oh, okay
everybody got a twin."

"No, but you gotta watch it!"

And the whole time I'm saying
to myself, "If they only knew.

If they only knew."

How did you find out? I mean,

when was the first time
you actually like...

knew...

that I was Q Lazzarus?

The first time I found out,

I think I was somewhere
between 8 and 9 years old and

Aunt Abbie told me.
She told me about all the stuff.

- My sister.
- Yes.

She told me about stuff you did
and showed me your old cassettes

and all the old photographs
and things like that.

But the first time I really

knew how major it was,
was probably...

I was playing some video game,
I don't remember which it was

cause it's multiple games but...
I heard your song and I was:

"Wait a minute. This is actually
major, actually something big."

They know the song,

but the reason
why I kept it from James,

because of what my past was.

The bad side of it,
not the good side.

Because I wanted him
to see me only as "Mom".

I wanna see this video that
Leslie made so many years ago.

1987.

Wow.

I mean who put this on the
internet? I don't have no idea.

Mon Amie Records.

M-O-N-A-M-I-E Records.

I can't see without my glasses.

And they have links to you on
Apple Music and you on Spotify.

So she has my image on
her record label, my music.

And let's go to...

Let's go to Q Lazzarus,
click on that.

It's a 12-inch single and she is...

- $13 dollars.
- For $13, and it's sold out.

How do you feel about that, son?

I just don't understand
how you haven't been

getting paid for this
for all this time.

Two demo versions.
Who has the demo?

I don't have the demo.
How does she have the demo?

Or they have the demo?

"Transferred from Q's original
demo cassette from the 80s."

"From the 80s." Where did they
get that from, I wonder?

Okay, so what is this?

This is the... It's the page
I wanted to show you.

Yeah.

So he puts the lyrics here,

talking about how
he doesn't like how

the lyrics are always messed up.

When other people sing
"Goodbye Horses" he's not

a big fan of them
getting the lyrics wrong.

So he uploads the lyrics
himself here.

Okay.

And down here below, it says:

"Q and B Publishing".

- That's Q and Bill.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.

That's what we published
"Goodbye Horses" under

from Day One.

Right, but the copyright after
the movie Clerks 2 came out

was changed to
"Garvey Media, LLC".

Now this was in 2008.

So I'm trying to figure out...

How do you go and
re-copyright something

that's already been...

- Copywritten.
- I don't know.

I don't understand that.

I don't know how
that's possible but...

Yeah, this is what happened.

I wonder since he's dead,
he died a year after this

who's getting

the residuals
from this copyright.

That's something that we need
to look further into.

Did you ever make any money
from "Goodbye Horses" like...

No, except from the movies.

You weren't paid anything
to record the song?

No.

No.

I mean...

[telephone speaker]

Hi, good morning.
Oh, now it's afternoon.

This is Diane Luckey calling.
How are you?

- Good, thanks. How are you?
- I'm good.

I've sent in the information and

I wanted to make sure
that you received it.

Sure, could you give me
one moment?

Okay, thank you.

Yes, we have received
all of your documents

and somebody will review them
and get back to you.

OK, alright so I'll be looking
forward to your phone call.

Great, thank you so much.

Thank you so much
and have a great day.

- You too.
- Alright honey, bye bye.

[phone hanging up]

Well, I hope...

They accept me because

I need a lawyer
in order to track

this madness down.

I want to see vengeance.

I want to see some justice
for what happened.

I want to see if it's possible
that she gets back pay

for what these people
have taken from her

and the royalties get put back
into her name and...

She starts living the life
that she was supposed to.

You're not supposed to just...

be a star one day
and then not the next day.

I know it's the 15 minutes
of fame thing

and all that sort of thing but

she was on her way to being
something major so...

And now everything's just...

Gone.

- Hello.
- Alright so I brought him, ok?

Yes, you better not come
without bringing him.

James better come!

- You look good, girl!
- Thank you.

What you doin'?

Diane, you're losing
a lot of weight.

Girl, the hip
can't take no weight.

Are we ready for me?

- Yeah, we're ready.
- Okay.

So what happened was
Eva got into my car.

Oh.

And...

She asked me
the most strangest thing.

She said, "Do you know
who Q Lazzarus is?"

- Are you serious?
- I swear.

- Are you serious?
- I swear to God.

I swear to God.

Wow.

She caught my ass off-guard.
But I was quick.

I said, "Yeah,
I've heard of her."

But something on my heart was
so heavy from me saying no.

Because I had a dream
that I was performing.

I was performing hard,
I was performing so hard

On stage, with the band!

And I woke up and
I felt so energetic,

I was like, "I'm cool, that was
a good dream, you know?

I could have done some more
hours of that, you know."

And then she got in my car.

For me, you know what it was?

It was the first time
since the time I said,

"I gotta leave Q Lazzarus
at the curb."

It was the first time that
I said, "You know what?

I'm proud of Q Lazzarus!
Let me pick this bitch back up!"

And I turned around when
she got off and I said,

"Yes my name is Q Lazzarus,
nice to meet you."

Wow, that is something
like out of a movie!

That's like Jonathan Demme.

The same thing with
"Goodbye Horses"!

Hello! Hello!

Yes! Yes!

Wow, cause he did
the same thing,

he listened to your music.

Wow!

Isn't that crazy?
Now you tell me.

It's destiny.

- You tell me.
- It's supposed to be.

Yeah.

I think my mom...

You know she wants to
jump back into the scene,

the music scene.

And I think she should.

Everybody deserves
to live their dream,

and pursue
what makes them happy.

Especially, you know,
she spent the last, you know,

my whole life,
taking care of me,

and taking care of family.

Why not, you know...

Do what makes you happy?

And her fan base is there,

it's not like she's jumping into
something so cold turkey,

so out of her nature.

This is what she came from.

This is what she knows.
This is her first life.

[Facetime ringing]

How come he's not getting it?

[shout out, laughter]

Now you believe it?

I'm alive!

[laughter]

- I missed you so much.
- Diane Luckey, I believe.

What'd you say?
Say it again!

Diane Luckey...

[laughter]

- It's been 30 years I believe.
- It has.

It has, Shane.

When did you move back
to America?

In the 90s and you know,

I got caught up
in a lot of things...

You know, life.

I still had a life
and I still lived and...

You know, I made it through.

So, I want to put
the band back together.

It's gonna be hard without Mark.

However...

Regardless of what it really is,
I want to work with you.

- Alright Q.
- Yeah, yeah.

I love you, Shane.
You don't know how much.

And we're also gonna do
a concert in New York.

We are?

Yeah now...

Have you been singing much,
in the last 20 years?

I haven't sung at all.
I haven't done anything.

I told you,
I walked off the planet.

I did.

And now she's...

Now I hear her
singing more often.

[laughter]

Which I enjoy.

And you know...

It's about time.

♪ And I said, "Oh no sir, ♪

♪ I must say wrong. ♪

♪ I must disagree, oh no sir, ♪

♪ I must say wrong. ♪

♪ Won't you listen to me?" ♪

[beeper rings]

[phone hangs up]

We're stuck in this and listen,
we don't know how long.

We really don't know
how long, you know?

But most people
are not traveling.

And... That's good.

But it's...
I haven't worked...

I took myself out of work
two weeks ago.

No justice, no peace.

- No justice!
- No peace!

Say his name, George Floyd!

Say his name, George Floyd!
Say his name, George Floyd!

I can't breathe!
I can't breathe!

I can't breathe!
I can't breathe!

If I missed out on this,

and I didn't, you know,

I wasn't in the streets
with my people that night,

I wouldn't have been able
to look myself in the mirror.

So I feel like they've been
just as effective as

the ones from the 60s,
and the riots from the 90s.

And any sort of protest or riot,

or any sort of action towards

the systematic racism in this
country throughout the years.

All those were effective but,

how effective are we talking?

You young people are doing
the right thing.

You are doing the right thing,
you're thinking!

This is a change!

You are going to be...
You're bringing back reform!

You know Mommy never seen
nothing like this before!

Daddy never seen
nothing like this before!

Never!

Don't drop the ball.

So right now we're gonna
go to the airport,

I'm gonna head over to Alaska.

I'm gonna spend the night
in Anchorage and then,

depending if I decide
to stay in Anchorage

or decide to go to Kodiak.

That's where I'll go tomorrow.

I probably won't be back
for a while.

What are you gonna do there?

I'm gonna work on
a fishing boat.

[sighing]

Yeah.

Just waiting for my mom now.

You know.

Taking a while.

Just want to put some
lipstick on, that's all.

Something simple girls do.

You have to take
this step, honey, I know.

You have to take this step.

I don't want you
to take this step,

I see no need.

You have a college education,
you're in New York.

I know we're in a pandemic,

but you still have
opportunities.

So I have to bear down
and accept it,

but I don't like it.
And I don't like it at all.

I don't understand why
you have to leave so quickly.

You want me
to wear the gloves, right?

Yes, I do.

Do you always have this
in the car with you?

I keep this on me.
I keep this in my purse.

But I didn't want
to carry my purse today.

I feel very funny, very...

Emotional.

Where you going, to Kennedy?

Yeah.

It's gonna take me...

And what if we run into traffic?

James, you're not running into
traffic, not unless somebody

who got drunk out
of their damn minds,

and had an accident this morning
trying to get home.

[car cruising]

You see anybody on this road?

No.

Uh hmm.

This ain't gonna go nowhere.

It is.

Don't freak out, honey.

I'm not freaking out, Mom.

It says what?

It's at 11 on the dot,
that I have to go.

I'm not gonna...

We left the house at 9 o'clock!

And then we took forever.

Forever to do what?

We shouldn't have left at 9.
We should've left...

James, we just gonna sit here
and have this fucking argument

that's not gonna mean
a damn thing?

Seriously? Okay.

This is absolute lock, Mom.

And it's not...
It's in less than an hour.

- Stop James.
- Mom, it's not stop. This is...

Okay, alright. Hey, alright.

I don't know
what else to say, honey.

I didn't cause
a five-car collision.

No Mom, but you are the reason
why we left so late!

So that flight is
definitely going out?

It's not like being pushed back?

That's the last one too?

But it's not gonna
change your life!

I know.

One day is not gonna
change your life.

And so what I'm saying
to you is that,

if you want to have longevity
in this world and be happy,

you gotta let shit go!

You just can't hold onto it.

Because I would have been
dead a long time ago.

Learn what battles to pick,
and what wars to fight.

You're going home and

you're gonna
take your flight in the morning,

whatever it costs you extra,
and I will reimburse you.

Okay?

Okay.

Alright, is this over?

Yeah.

What's the address
to the hospital?

Yes, it is gonna be
the left hip.

So I'm here at the hospital.

James is in Alaska.

I wish he was here.

But he planned this adventure
for such a long time,

almost seven years.

And...

I just didn't want to ask
him to stay for this operation.

I want him happy.
I want him to be very happy.

But if anything
do happen, son...

You remember Mama
loves you very, very much.

I will always love you.

And I will always be
in your heart.

Okay?

This is my baby, James!

See he's here with me.

[riffing]

Anyway.

And he doesn't know that
you've had the surgery, right?

No, he knows. He's called Dad.

It's gonna take me a month
to really heal where...

We're gonna get the action on
again, you know? But, yeah...

It takes time.

[laughter]

It takes time to get there.
But I'm there.

I'm there.

And I'm grateful you're here,

to at least make a recording
and document

what really has happened.

Because this is my life.

Well, I totally forgot
what I was saying,

but I know that I'm almost
coming to that full circle.

And it has to happen.

And it will.

And I'm feeling a little
proud of myself

because this time I'm ready.

So...

[laughter]

♪ Let's bring it on. ♪

[more laughter]

I'm ready.

Wrap it around, you have
something to attach to it

and you wear it as a belt.

Isn't that cool?

[laughter]

- But I still can't believe...
- Oh, she is so cool!

[laughter]

It's up to my ankles.

Oh little one,
I have to leave you.

I have to pick up somebody.

What time is it?
My goodness.

Maybe like 3:30.

Yeah, no, I have to get back
to Staten Island.

- Oh, 3:45.
- Yeah, I need to go.

[beeping]

[phone hangs up]

She went out
to the car at 6 o'clock

in the morning for some reason.

And, um...

To get something
out of the car I guess and...

On the way back up the,
she got up the steps

in front of the door,

managed to open
the door and fell.

Broke her...

Broke her leg.

And then she couldn't stand
on her own so they said,

"You have to go
to the hospital."

So they took her to...

To um, fix the leg.

And um...

Maybe that's when the infection
set in, I don't know.

So while she was in
the physical rehab,

her health started to decline

and they ultimately had to bring
her back into the hospital.

While in the hospital,

she was put into
a medically-induced coma,

and from there, things really
started to downwards spiral.

And then I think about
a week or so after that,

my aunt called me up and said

that I have to, I should
come back home because...

It's...

It's over.

It was sepsis.

But ultimately
it was doctor neglect.

You know, I think I told you
before in the past,

it's a common story for
women of color to die that way.

Of just complete neglect
or malpractice.

She's gone.

She's gone.

♪ I've been thinking, ♪

♪ of the things
you said to me yesterday. ♪

♪ I've been wondering, ♪

♪ if it meant
you're gonna go away. ♪

♪ Don't you know, ♪

♪ I love you so? ♪

♪ Drown your eyes in my light...♪

♪ He told me, ♪

♪ "I've seen it rise. ♪

♪ But, ♪

it always falls. ♪

♪ I've seen him come,
I've seen him go." ♪

♪ He said,"All things pass
into the night." ♪

♪ And I said, "Oh no, sir,
I must say wrong. ♪

♪ I must disagree.
Oh no, sir, I must say wrong. ♪

♪ Won't you listen to me?" ♪

♪ He told me, ♪

♪ "I've seen it all before. ♪

♪ I've been there. ♪

♪ I've seen my hopes and dreams
lying on the ground. ♪

♪ I've seen the sky
just begin to fall." ♪

♪ He said, "All things
pass into the night." ♪

♪ And I said, "Oh no, sir.
I must say wrong. ♪

♪ I must disagree. Oh no, sir,
I must say wrong. ♪

♪ Won't you listen to me?" ♪

♪ [music continues] ♪

♪ Goodbye horses, ♪

♪ I'm flying over you. ♪

♪ Goodbye horses, ♪

♪ I'm flying over you. ♪

♪ Goodbye horses, ♪

♪ I'm flying over you. ♪

♪ Goodbye horses, ♪

♪ I'm flying, flying,
flying over you. ♪

♪ [music continues] ♪

♪ Goodbye horses, ♪

♪ I'm flying over you. ♪

♪ Goodbye horses, ♪

♪ I'm flying over you. ♪

♪ Goodbye horses, ♪

♪ I'm flying over you. ♪

♪ Goodbye horses, ♪

♪ I'm flying, flying,
flying over you. ♪

♪ [harmonizing] ♪

Goodbye horses.

That's the real
Q Lazzarus, y'all.

And don't say I'm not.

Subtitling: Mistral Artist-NYC