Original subtitles

Oh

Hello, Mr. Brocklers.

Ken, look, listen, there's a real favour you could do us, mate.

A couple of cases of strudels. How did you get this number?

Well, never mind that now. Look, they're like apple turnovers.

And they should go in your panniers.

No, Harry, I'm on a nook and trail.

For a customer.

Trouble? I don't understand. It's just conked out on me.

They're usually so reliable.

I wonder if I might use your phone.

Oh, yes,

of course, yes.

What is it, George?

These people have got some trouble with their car, dear. They'd like to use the

phone. Oh.

Oh, yes, do. Yes, come this way. Thank you. Thank you very much.

What do you want?

Oh, nothing, Wilhelmina. I just wondered how it was all going, that's all.

Splendidly. Can we get the servant up, please? Like crunching wood like.

Harry, relax.

I'm in complete control.

Now, you just make sure that vile gore gets ready on time.

Oh, don't worry about that.

This establishment's more than up for the cooking of the art. Excuse me.

Oh, sorry. Can I help you?

Yes, well, I wanted to check in, but there's nobody at reception.

Yes, I'm sorry. I'm a bit short -staffed and my partner's away.

Come this way.

What's all this?

It's a twin -town get -together.

Spondon with Obergirl.

Next year, we shall all go to the Tyrol and we shall have a Nottingham night.

Oh, sorry.

Well, it sounds terrific.

As a guest, you're automatically invited.

I'm surprised Mrs Yeldon could bear to miss it.

Well, you know Mrs Yeldon, do you?

Oh, yes, Helen and I go back a long way.

Well, if you could find somebody to take my case up to my room, I'd like a

drink.

Anyway, um...

They're taking their time, Miss Garrott.

Darling, why don't I go and ring them, try a little feminine charm?

You're a trifle sharp, you know.

That's a good idea, Mrs Conroy. Look, I'll get us a top -up.

You know where the phone is, do you?

This is awfully kind of you, it really is. Almost a pleasure to break down.

Another biscuit, Mr Conroy. Thank you.

How's it going?

Oh, you know, frankly, Ken, I thought I'd left all that behind me when I sold

the plaza suite.

I thought I'd be into hunt balls and county weddings by now.

Yeah, well, it's always the jobs you don't like that pay the best, isn't it?

What was that job I just interrupted, by the way?

Mr Brocklehurst, whose phone you keep using.

He doesn't fancy his chances of splitting the proceeds of a sandwich bar

his wife, who's about to leave him.

And today, I've snapped the third very good reason why he may not have to.

Talking of femme fatales...

A young girl she's booked in. She's taken the Sherwood room. I mean, she's

a youngster. Now, I mean, that's 130 quid a night.

Well, people don't have to be your age to have a few bob, Harry. Oh, come on,

Ken. Check it out for us, will you? Where is she? On the terrace. And she

to know Helen.

Do you want all the strudels?

Oh, yeah, I'll bring you the...

Nice place you've got here.

You've been here long.

Um, yes, yes.

That'll be all, thank you.

If we had to break down, we're better to do so than outside your house.

We can't tell you the difference that it's made. Oh, it's our pleasure,

Thank you. That was all. Goodbye.

Bye. Charlie, what about the Tyrolean evening?

That's a damn good idea.

Listen, you're not free tonight by any chance, are you?

Yes, I think we are, but... Please.

Please, come as our guests.

It's our way of saying thank you.

It's Woodcote Park. Do you know it?

Promises to be a super evening.

Oh, do, do, please, sir, you'll join us. Oh, thank you very much. Thank you.

Thank you.

Bye.

Meryl Spicer?

Yeah. The boss asked me to bring that out for you.

Thank you.

I'm Ken, mate of Harry's.

Am I? Yeah, sit down.

He's a bit intrigued by you, you know, Harry.

Not often he gets young ladies checking into his posh gaffer.

And he's asked you to check out what I'm up to.

That obvious, was it?

Yes.

Well, um...

I'm not a drug dealer.

I'm not an international terrorist.

I haven't come to die of a broken heart.

Do you think he'll be disappointed?

I'll nurse him through it.

You coming tonight?

Yes, well, I was invited.

What's it going to be like?

Different.

Welcome on behalf of the Twin Town Committee to the Obergurgel Night.

Good evening.

Good evening, Miss Bison.

Oh, has a tall Russian called Boris been asking after me?

I beg your pardon?

Ah, you're having me on, aren't you?

Evening, Harry.

Evening. Oh, by the way...

Mrs Yeldon will be back on Tuesday.

She's just visiting a sick relative.

Where? Well, Durham.

It's her uncle.

That'll be Uncle Jack.

Well, no, it's Uncle Bert, actually.

Her father's brother, Albert Davis.

Well, I hope it's nothing too serious.

No, just a nasty bout of flu.

Pulling through like a car course, by all accounts.

Yes, it'll take more than a bout of flu to kill off Uncle Bert.

Are you a close friend of her family?

Well, more than that.

I'm a long -lost relative.

Oh, uh -huh.

What, a niece or cousin or what?

Daughter.

No, no, no. Stop the music.

Now, what was that you were doing, huh?

You weren't doing what I said.

Well, if you don't mind, I think I'll sit this one out.

But please, you must learn.

Thank you.

Wilhelmina, if I could just have a word. Never mind. We will try a polka.

Now, it is not Austrian, but it is great fun.

Now, we are going to try it first.

May I have the pass, Mr Crawford?

Well, I don't know. I'm not sure I know how to do the polka. Well, I don't think

she does either, but it doesn't matter.

Go on, hurry.

Let your hair down. Yeah, come on. Send yourself along first. We're going to

fold ourselves together.

When you say daughter, what exactly did you mean?

Well, do you know what this is about?

I find your sense of humor quite delightful.

Very much like me only, in fact. But, I mean, your name is Spicer, and hers is

Yelda. Yes, but her maiden name was David.

Well, yeah, I know, but that's still not very much like Spicer, is it?

Well, for the first three months of my life, my name was Meryl David.

Oh, I see.

I think I know why your friends haven't turned up, Mrs. Boxall.

They've probably heard about Wilhelmina in there.

Here you go.

Well, they're not really friends, that's such. They're just people we did a good

turn to. Well, they gave you the tickets, didn't they?

Didn't they? Didn't I?

Their car broke down outside our house and we let them use the phone.

I said they needn't worry, but... They're the most insistent we should

Really?

Perhaps it's their car broken down again.

Come on, let's go.

They're obviously not going to turn up, and frankly, I've had it. Yes, I was

just saying to Mr Boone here how strange it was. You'd think they'd have phoned.

Must be the car again.

No, I'm not surprised. Probably had no intention of coming in the first place.

And as for that chap, they got to take their car away, what I mean. They were

looking forward to it.

It is most strange.

Hello, look. I thought you weren't coming back till Tuesday. Oh, I couldn't

any more. As soon as Bert was on the mend, the whole family started to

Laura, please, would you mind?

When you say all the family, I mean, you don't mean that, do you?

Well, of course I don't. We'd have needed the Albert Hall, not Albert's

room. Only somebody turned up today who you haven't seen for a long time.

Oh, really?

Who is it?

Meryl.

I think she's in her room.

Meryl?

Meryl? Hello, can I speak to Mike Hawkins, please?

It's not a place, Ken, surely?

Yeah, Mr. Boone thinks we might be in trouble.

But since these people have been here, the ones that gave them the tickets have

been having a field day.

Oh, it's just turning into one of those days you tear out of your diary, isn't

it? Mike, it's Ken Boone.

Listen, I want you to check out a house for me, please, mate.

Yeah, it's 99 Harley Avenue, yeah. And I think it's being done at this very

moment. Yeah.

OK?

Yeah, thanks.

Yes, ma 'am.

Well, I don't know. I go away for three days.

Yeah, I know, I know.

What about Mr. Merrill?

Come and meet him.

Merrill?

Merrill?

It's Harry.

Harry Crawford.

Aye, aye.

She's gone.

Sir, I see. Who was she?

Couldn't her. She's your daughter.

Harry?

No sign of a forced entry.

All right, then. As far as we can tell, no -one's been here tonight.

Go have a word with the boxers. Right.

What do you think we are, Kent?

A private army at your disposal?

I heard the television on in the background. You were watching the film.

As one friend or another, I say no more about this.

But you waste my time again, mate.

OK. OK.

The state of those upstairs windows is an invitation to every villain with a

head for heights.

Yes, I'll have something done about them.

Smashing. And on the subject of security, do not leave your dorky under

plastic pot, thank you.

First place anyone looks.

Hello.

What are you doing here?

A young woman turns out claiming to be your daughter.

It's unsettling.

Let's forget about it, shall we, Helen?

It was just a nasty practical joke.

The girl was obviously a bit touched.

I know, but it's given me a bit of a funny feeling.

It's an invasion of privacy somehow.

Yeah, I know.

But she's got now, so let's pretend it never happened.

So what were you doing in the Sherwood suite?

Well, she slips off without paying her bill.

What am I supposed to do? Shrug my shoulders and ignore it?

Ken's busy following this woman, so I thought I'd take it on myself.

Quite. Did you find anything?

Well, yeah, this book of matches.

Initial DH.

Another hotel, do you think?

If it's local, we'll find it.

Yellow pages.

Oui.

It's my hotel, too.

I don't see why she should get away with it.

Hi.

Morning.

Morning. Look, I know how you feel, but I'm not for sure the police are right.

Well, that's your privilege, Mr Boone.

Look here, the whole thing has been very embarrassing.

All the neighbours wanted to know what happened.

Have they been to see you this morning?

Who?

Conroy's? No, but where should they?

Well, I thought they would have come and apologised for not showing up. That's

the least I would expect.

Well, it's ill -mannered, I agree, but it's hardly damning.

Look, I don't know how, but I think we prevented a burglary last night.

Either that or you won't admit to being wrong.

Sure. It's not that.

Let me look round the place, eh? You know, pick up on anything you know.

Well, I wrote the car number down. That's a start, yeah.

Well, at least one good thing's come out of this, eh? Got your windows fixed.

Yes.

Yes, Jim's a good man.

Always has done a good job for us.

I am sorry to inform you... Command.

...that Boone's investigation is not... I said command.

Yeah, I'd like to see Ken, please.

Sorry, he's not in.

I've just heard his voice.

You must be Rocky.

Yeah, how do you guess?

Let's just call it feminine intuition.

I'm Laura.

Laura,

listen. What kind of mood's he been in recently?

Only... My mum says her dad's going to fly off when he hears the news.

It was all right this morning.

Why? What's the problem?

Don't ask.

By which I mean do ask.

So, I'm asking.

He wants you fired, do you, Omen? Yes, that's one of ours.

Voted by a Mr and Mrs Stevenson from Cambridge.

What were they like?

Very nice couple.

Even went through a car wash before returning it.

Licence, insurance, all kosher?

Well, as far as I could tell.

Why, do you know any different?

No. Do you know where we're staying?

Little place round the corner. Different.

Thanks.

Look, you will let me know if I've screwed up, won't you?

Yeah, sure.

Don't worry.

So, what next?

I mean, we can't try the evening out scam again.

Why don't we just pay them a visit when they're in?

Something you should know.

Me and Jill, we work with our brains, not brawn.

And look, we tried it your way.

Now we try it mine.

We're all in this together.

And remember, 50 % of that little lot.

could add up to a fortune.

Excuse me.

Is the manager available?

I am the manager.

Proprietor, chef, you name it.

And we're full.

Oh, no, it's... I was looking for someone.

Stevenson? Hey, Jill and Terry.

You mean Appleton.

What's your business?

Well, it's about that car they rented. Something to do with insurance.

A bloke asked me to bring this round.

I'll give it to him.

Well, they've got to sign it.

Any idea when they're coming back?

Lunchtime.

Why don't you wait in the sitting room?

Join the party.

What's the matter?

What happened?

Meryl, stay in here.

Well, there is much, isn't there? There's a young lady... Come on, now.

of here!

Irene, you haven't been using the sledgehammer for anything, have you,

Such as, dear?

Take it that our Mr. Boone is in the phone book.

If I would, could park.

Something wrong, dear?

Oh, they're all staying at the Dixon's, are they?

Well, I reckon our Meryl Spicer's mixed up with some team that involves the

Conroys. Yeah, but what's their game, though, Kev?

I mean, what was Meryl doing here?

That's why the bosses didn't get robbed last night, because she phoned them to

warn them.

So why would she say she's my daughter?

I don't know about the orphan, Annie, but it's her speciality. What do you

Well, she was here all day yesterday on freebies, honestly.

And the car the Conroys used, the Jaguar, that was hired under a false

they're still in town.

And Meryl's still here.

I tell you, they're planning some sort of job.

Oh, my God.

What? What is it?

A picture of my past has just arrived, and by the look of it, he's got a few

problems.

Hello, Rocky.

Nice to see you again.

Yes, Sheldon.

First he wanted to see you, Ken. Then he didn't.

Then he did. Then he didn't again.

So I got a bit fed up after a while, so I brought him over.

Hi, Rocky.

Dare I ask, how are you?

Oh, Ken, I had to do it, mate. I didn't want to, but they just made me an offer

I couldn't refuse.

What are you talking about?

It's Texas Rangers, Ken. We sold it.

You are joking.

Well, what happened?

Well, things just started to get really tight.

I had to drop my prices every week. I ended up doing everything myself.

Oh, Jed Harvey made me an offer.

Well, was it a good offer?

Oh, yeah.

You made a profit.

Well... You made a loss.

No, no.

I broke even.

That's about it, Ken.

Even.

I haven't got a bean.

Ken!

Mr Boxall calling.

Hello, Mr Boxall. Yeah, can I... I owe you an apology.

Well, I just found my sledgehammer wrongly placed.

Well, I always hang it up, you see.

And this morning I found it face downwards on the floor, so I think

right. Someone has been here and, well, moved my sledgehammer.

With intent?

Well, it's possible, of course, but I don't know about the place where they'll

buy it.

Yes, well, look, I don't like talking about this on the phone. I wonder if you

could pop round, PDQ.

All right, I'm on my way, Mr Boxall.

Harry, can you help me on this one? Yeah, sure, mate.

Hey, sit your ear.

Fancy helping us out?

Oh, yeah, terrific.

I thought I was the assistant.

I'm sorry, Laura, but as far as I know, Rocky can't type.

Come on.

Mrs. Boxall, I just wanted to explain about last night. Shut up!

Hang on, Tom. What the hell's going on? What are you doing?

What do you want? I think so.

What the hell?

Sit down. Shut up. What do you want? We're not... Stop!

I do hope you haven't been too enthusiastic in your own improvement.

What are you going to do?

No, no, no! What are you doing? No! Stop it! Stop it! You're mad!

You're mad!

Stop it!

No!

So where are they?

I don't know what you mean. What's the plan?

There were no plans.

Hold on. We'll try it your way.

What are you doing? A few days in a country.

Tom,

just a minute.

50%, my friends.

You take it or you leave it.

Right, that's it.

Top flat.

Sharon Brockler.

Karen. Right, right, Karen, sorry.

She's got an assortment of men, friends. I'm in the process of photographing

her. Right.

Why? Well, don't ask, just do. As soon as that door opens, you start clicking.

Right. Got it?

And not her, just the blokes.

Ken, I knew you wouldn't let me down.

My mum says I should expect no more of you, but, well, here you are offering me

work. Hey, no. Hey, hang on a tick.

Anything? Well, they're not here, are they?

Well, the car's here.

What's next?

They've left the window open.

Come on.

Hurry.

So much for Hawking's power that was waiting.

Oh, no, no, no, mate, no.

We can't go walking in here like a pair of bailiffs, can we? I can.

Wait here. Bloody smoky.

Small time, this, isn't it, Ken? I don't like this, Irene.

George?

Irene?

No, see, that's odd.

Middle -aged lady, going out, leaving her handbag behind.

All right.

A bit like going through people's underwear, this, Ken. How do you know?

Remind me to tell you sometime.

Bloody hell!

What a mess.

I don't understand this, Ken. I mean, if you're going to knock down a wall, you

lay down dust covers, don't you?

There was a fish along here.

Well, they're not there now.

Hold on, mate.

Listen, I want you to do something for me.

It's not going to be easy.

Oh, yeah, man. Ken, what is it?

Hello, can you give me Mike Hawkins, please? Yeah.

Ken Boone.

What's up?

Mrs. Brocklehurst wondered if you'd like to have a word.

I'll just get me bag then.

So, what do you reckon?

Yeah, strange.

But could have been done by the boxholes.

You said he mentioned a sledgehammer. Yeah, but he wouldn't kill his own fish,

would he?

I've sent my Laura down the rates office.

Get a list of previous owners.

Good idea.

No good, mate.

Hundreds of prints, all of them spared.

I reckon something was hidden in here, and that Meryl had something to do with

it. Some elaborate plan to get George and Irene out of here, out of the way.

Thing is, Meryl will be long gone, and she's got any sense.

If you want to see her, I can fix it.

Yes, I understand.

Sorry, it's going to be too late.

Well, you did promise within two weeks, remember?

Karen, meet...

Rocky Cassidy.

Delighted. See you, Mr Cassidy.

Oh, dear, lovely.

Ta.

OK, thank you.

Bye.

So, are you from the press or from my husband?

Neither. I'm from Ken Boone.

Oh, yeah.

The chunky one on the tapped -out motorbike.

That's quite a good description, I suppose, really.

Take a seat.

I will.

Mr Boone, a private investigator, then? Yeah.

How did you know?

I know my husband.

What? I thought it was rather mean to let you go on wasting your time.

You see, I'm not having multiple affairs at all.

I beg your pardon?

One man after another.

Like my husband believes.

I'm setting up a business.

Maybe one or two women involved eventually.

Look, I had no idea that they thought that you... See, I don't normally work

Ken. I used to, but... Don't worry about it. It's quite all right.

Look it down again, Mr. Cassidy.

Why don't they have some tea?

Yeah.

Rocky, did you say your name was? Yeah.

I like that.

Logically. Hello, Meryl.

How are you?

Fine.

None the worse for the Tyrolean evening, I hope.

How did you find me?

Oh, you left a bit of a trail.

There's some that say that you wanted to be followed.

I'll be one of them.

Why?

Well, it's this business with your mother, of course.

She keeps asking to see you.

I was wrong, Mr Crawford.

Helen Yeldon's not my mother.

I know that now.

Look, I don't think you were wrong, though. And more to the point, neither

Helen. I mean, she's so thrilled at the prospect of seeing you again that she

sent me out looking.

Look, she's wrong.

Just say I'm sorry.

Meryl, come back to Woodcote Park.

Make double assure in your own mind.

Look, I know that money isn't the be -all and end -all of everything, but it

could be to your advantage.

Helen's asked me to keep this between ourselves, but... Well, for the last 15

years, she's been putting a fiver a week away for the daughter that she never

knew.

It must add up to... quite a bit.

The main reason we went along with Thomas is to keep an eye on you.

You can go on as long as you like. It makes no difference.

Be here all night, you know.

Good.

Listen, we know you're hacked off about being full, but people always are.

Yes, I can imagine.

So why don't you tell us about the war, where the plans are, and we won't call

it a day, eh?

Even if I did know, I wouldn't tell you.

You're dealing with an Englishman as they used to be.

And an Englishwoman, dear.

Goes without saying.

And one who is certainly not afraid of your mispervalence.

Well, I think you'd better try to be, love.

He only came out of prison three weeks ago.

He's still a bit cock -eyed up here.

You bastards!

One mention of the word money was all it took.

See, I knew what you were up to. That Austrian night, you phoned them, didn't

you? You told them we were on our way, then you disappeared.

In a hurry. Bill's unpaid.

Oh, if money's all you're worried about... What we want to know is what's

on, where the boxholes are.

I haven't done anything wrong, you know.

That's for me to decide.

Oh, I wondered who you were.

Well, well, this seems to be turning into a full -scale kidnap.

What?

Previous owners of the Boxhall Drum. One name stands out a mile.

Frederick Walter Valant Defeat.

A nasty little villain with a nasty little brother who's just come out of

nick.

And his boss says if you cooperate...

He can turn his back for five minutes while you slip away.

So, are you tied in with Valance?

OK.

Well, Fred and his brother Tom planned this big job with the Conroys in London,

but the four of them never got on, so they split the plans between them.

And, um, before Tom went in prison, Fred plastered his into his wall.

And then Fred snuffed it?

Yeah, and... And now Tom's out, they've resurrected the whole thing. But they

can't do it without Fred's bits.

He's got floor plans and maps through the sewers, and, well, the plans aren't

there.

I take it you do know where they're holding the couple? Yeah. First things

first, I think I know where we can get hold of these plans.

Anything? Not a diggy bird.

Right, I'll see you in the morning then, Tom.

That means we're going.

You're on your own.

With him.

He doesn't frighten us, young woman.

And I doubt if he'll frighten our Mr. B either.

Do you, Irene?

Mr.

B has fellows like him for breakfast, I shouldn't wonder.

So... Who is this Mr B, then?

Yeah.

Problem is, Ken, if Tom Valance is older than him, it could turn into an hostage

situation. Well, he's the only one to worry about.

The Conroys, apparently, are quite civilised. Oh, yeah. According to

You back them into a corner, mate, they'll all turn into animals.

Right. Well, I'll have a word with Hawkins and see what I can sort out.

Meet us at the farm in about an hour, all right? OK, yeah.

What's he doing?

Well, give him a break. He's only helping.

I don't need any extra help, Ken.

You take him on if you're so keen.

I can't afford that.

Oh, I see.

Anybody needing a sub, it's all round to Harry's place, is it?

What are you doing?

Telling him to help.

Oh, I see.

Telling now, is it? Yeah.

Hey, how'd you get on with Karen?

Broccolers? Oh, Ken, you've got it all wrong, mate. She's not committed

at all, you know.

She's setting up a business, man management.

Yeah, all those blokes. We're all just part of a business management team.

Well, as long as you've got their pictures, I don't care what they get up

tell you something else as well. She's looking for a biker to do delivery work.

Hey, look no further, surely.

Yeah, I'm going down there for an interview later to meet her partner.

Your chef's going to lend us a suit. Sure thing.

Good bugger.

Always lands with his feet flat on the ground, doesn't he?

Oh, did you get sorted out with the boxers?

Yeah. We need to see Meryl. Where is she?

She's in my office with a policewoman.

Harry? Yeah?

About Rocky.

Oh, don't worry about him, love. He's all set up with a job.

He's not going to become a permanent fixture at that, I can promise you.

what I thought was he could have the attic.

I mean, he seems a nice enough boy.

If I can't have a daughter, I might as well have another son.

Both feet flat on the ground and under the table.

Amazing.

Thank you.

Godacre?

Where the hell is he?

He's our builder.

Why?

Because he's just pulled into the yard with Meryl.

Builder, you say?

No, no.

Wait there.

I've got visitors.

Well, bring your money belt. He wants paying.

Right.

I hope it's all there.

I should think so.

I'm the only one who's seen them.

How much are you asking, then, Mr Hardacre?

I'll do you a swap.

Yeah?

You can have these.

For Mr and Mrs Boxer.

Go, go, go!

What's wrong with freedom songs? Can't you cope with it?

Oh, Mr Boone, we knew you'd do it. George said, you wait, that Mr Boone,

one of us. Yeah, calm down, get your breath back.

They all right? Seem to be.

Well, of course they are. What did you expect?

Sorry.

Where's Merrill?

Who?

Come along, Irene.

Hello?

Hello? Not me.

Good evening.

So what happened to Mel? Did the police let her go?

Yes, a foolhardy act they'll live to regret.

Oh, look who's here.

The luckiest man in Nottingham.

Made you a company director yet, has she?

No.

What's wrong?

I was conned.

Yeah, well, there's a lot of it about.

She didn't want me for a job at all, you know.

She just wanted... Excuse me, Eleanor.

She just wanted me for me body.

Well, that's what she meant by man management.

As long as this world keeps spinning around.

As long as bands hang upside down. As long as people still write

with pens.

That's how long we'll still be friends.

We'll be friends, we'll be friends, we'll be friends through the years.

Like Garfield Hutch or the Three Musketeers. We'll be comrades in arms

the tears and the fears.

As long as women still puzzle me, as long as time is worth ten

cents,

then how long will we still be friends?

We'll be friends, we'll be friends, we'll be friends through the years, just

like Dorothy and Hutch or the three -legged deers. We'll become friends in

our...

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