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My Jacobs.

They're mentioned in Genesis, you know.

And how many are missing? Six.

And don't talk to me about the local gendarmes. Three times I've reported

sheep. Only the one gone woke is Mr Samson. I should never have left

Come on!

Do you miss the hills?

And I hate policemen who think that sheep join rambling clubs.

Is BDI up to this job?

I hope so.

How did you get on to us?

I saw your car in the plaza suite.

My wife and I were at the NFU meeting last week.

Go on!

Don't you think you've got this all out of proportion, Harry?

Read that letter.

Yeah, I tried to.

Why don't you recognise a threat when you see it? What, my darling, precious

Harry? Hardly a threat, mate.

Come on.

You kept some weight on that dance floor. There's a woman crazy about her.

Bernie Blatchen off the Old French Chalk, eh?

How do you know it's a woman?

Look, read on.

Every time you stride across the stage... My heart misses a beat.

My whole body, my darling, has purpose at last.

Every wake in my life.

Harry, come on, you stupid.

It's the ache of my absence from you.

And it's in a feminine hound. So who?

Kenji might look like the back of a buzz.

Can't be roses all the way, mate, especially at your age.

Kiss me quick in one hand and a pension book in the other.

Well, what do you want me to do?

Find out which one she is.

I might snatch her out of your grasp.

I've got a drawer full of letters that says you won't.

Put a jacket on.

Never thought my days would end up as a hobby.

Cheese from sheep's milk.

Never.

Come on, come on.

Is it like a rock fort?

My Bambury Blue?

Yeah.

Well?

It's beautiful, Mr. Samson.

It's only the sort of farming I've been used to. Do you know, I spend days

talking to men with polished nails in shops smelling of perfume.

Haven't you got a jacket of your own? Not like this, I haven't.

Rotarian.

Oh,

listen to that, Ken. She makes red sails in the sunset sound like laced panties.

It's not appropriate, it really isn't.

Go and tell her.

Well, get set on by Lovecraft's pensioners. Who said beggars could be

Look, are you going to help me or not? Yeah.

I'll suss her out.

So painful to see an old chum under the hammer. Well, get on.

Hey, and not so much of the old.

Then, go on.

Hey!

Have you got children?

A girl?

Then your place is in the home of a woman's proper place.

And the fact you used to be a policewoman... Not even a tiny

There, at least you left the police. It shows some good sense.

Does that mean you're hiring us, Mr. Sampson?

See what I mean?

Women don't do anything.

I'll be seeing you in all the old familiar

places. No, I'll never dance to Giroldo.

Oh. Lou Prager. Now you're talking.

Oh.

Hammersmith Pally.

Oh.

You don't seem to, um, have a partner.

No.

Would you come here often?

Clintus. Clintus.

You come with us over here. You go over here. Keep it. Keep it.

You sit down there. Okay?

What do you think you're doing?

A foxtrot, I think.

Is that slow, slow, quick, quick, slow? That's what he keeps whispering in my

ear. Well, I'm surprised he's got enough breath.

Why are you skulking, Mr Crawford? I'm not skulking.

But I recognise an impending coronary. You are just looking down in that case.

Your partner. His archery's. You asked me to be hostess.

It's about sugar -free drinks and gentle conversation and helping people into

their wheelchairs.

Partner said I can go like an angel.

Yes, well, he's probably been talking to a few.

Take heed, Lennis.

The last thing the Plaza Suite needs is a death in the afternoon.

Oh, Mr. Curley.

Oh.

So we'll start tonight, then.

We?

A colleague.

If you catch anyone, you'll let me know. I mean, immediately.

I'm a great believer in a bit of grape shot.

Up the posterior.

It's hardly lawful, Mr Danton.

Neither is stealing my sheep.

I believe in rough justice.

Maybe there's more to Lambert than Banbury Blue.

No, his type makes for life.

Like us.

Like us, Tabitha.

Like swans.

I wonder who's killing him now.

I wonder who's teaching him how.

Linda.

Linda.

Linda.

Linda.

What? Get me off me. Now.

Thank you, my vulture.

Oh.

Linda, I am running a thé dansant, not a bar in downtown Marseille.

Nobody else has complained.

Well, I'm not complaining.

Sounds very much like it. Linda, I ask for nostalgia, not Madonna with a

backache.

Oh, I think that's very unkind, Mr Crawford.

There's an air of romance out there which is quite stifling, and I don't

it ought to be encouraged.

And those men are too advanced in years to be reminded of what brandy means, and

the women don't need to remember the way they were.

But I can't do Barbara Streisand.

I'm not myself.

I've been cornered by somebody else's last fling, and all I can do is take it

out on the singer. That's wonderful, isn't it?

Is that an apology?

No, it's a confession.

Go on, go and do your stuff.

I don't need to go off it.

Yes.

Yeah, you can smile.

Being a gigolo is not quite my thing.

Is Harry really serious about these letters?

He certainly is.

One of those women out there has got a fixation about him.

I can understand his panic.

Well, that should keep you busy for an afternoon or two.

Good job there's not an awful lot else on apart from a few disappearing sheep.

Are you sure you want to do this night shift on your own?

I'll take Rocky along.

Marigold! You can't see late bath and sweat out there.

I know.

Then stop yearning.

Where were you this afternoon?

Window shopping.

What, day after day?

There can't be that much glass in Birmingham.

You never buy anything.

On my housekeeping.

How can I?

Well, if it's a matter of a bit extra, I mean...

The boundary blue's doing well enough.

You never groveled in Cumbria.

Once you lose the hills, the mind tends to wander bloody horizons.

Are you listening, Marigold?

As always.

I've discovered 600 pieces of blank writing paper in the wardrobe behind

your summer dress.

Ever since you went to that lecture by, what was she?

A novelist. But you're surely not going to write one of those things.

How could I write a novel?

What have I done?

Where have I been ever? You've been my wife, woman, for 30 years.

Oh, tick -tock, tick -tock. For 30 years, all I've done is feed the collies

scrub the kitchen and watch the rain fall on Cassie. Well, at least I'm

Marigold, not wallowing in the soft south or falling in love with

another thing.

That's why you wave at the Hammonds.

Three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Now, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

Three, four, five, six, seven, eight.

In 2000, Hamburg, here we come. My little bird of paradise.

That's why I love you, Winston, your sense of humour. Peck me.

Let your talent say the word.

Ow!

Winston, sorry, do I need the mankia?

Shoulder on my side of the bed, right?

You're so considerate.

Today, more than ever,

my darling, I

understood how

absence makes the

heart even fonder. You.

with someone very uncouth called Ken, who went on and on about Parker Pens

and adult literacy.

Darling Harry, my love for you grows each time I see you.

And if there were deserts to cross, they'd be as nothing, my love, if you

waiting.

Oh, Harry, my darling.

Oh, my God.

Right! Right!

I've got one, Margaret!

Margaret, I've got one!

Margaret!

I wondered where you were.

What are you doing here, Mr. Samson? Your work. Look at this specimen.

That's Rocky. He's terrified.

He's my assistant.

He was asleep.

No, I wasn't. Yes, I was. Oh.

The Jacob's going to rustle him.

I'll never count sheep again. Honest, ever.

That's what you're here for, you silly wazzock.

Why won't you stay and help?

Spend the rest of the day up to my elbows in Danbury Blue.

Stop! I've got to say something.

What a shame.

You've been sermonising all morning. And it's this.

If I've upset you, I'm sorry.

Where did you find that word?

Never used it before.

Well, damn it, you're behaving so strangely.

Do you hear me?

You're my wife, my adult.

It's your duty.

No, Lambert.

Nothing's my duty anymore.

My God, is it that time already?

Only if they stand around much longer, their arthritis might stop playing up.

Oh, have a little more compassion for the Cleontown. Please, please.

Oh, compassion now, is it, eh? It looks like rain. Do I let them in or what?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

That's the quality you're missing out on, Ken, compassion.

I'd appreciate some action from your mate, I would. I don't underestimate me.

I'll have this crack for this afternoon.

Hello. Where to this time?

Abroad. We'll be back tomorrow.

I love it the way you make Europe sound like a postage stamp.

I love you, Marigold.

When can we call for the tea?

Anytime you like. You've got a cave. Pop up now.

When we come back, Marigold.

You will be back by tomorrow night.

Ciao.

Pop in anytime you like, Winston.

You have to what, Marigold?

She must have been quite a dish long ago.

Women who don't know anything but suddenly want to know everything.

Not jealous, surely.

She'd eat you up, given half a chance.

We keep the old biddy sweet.

As long as it's business.

Strictly.

He worries me.

He's my sort of man.

Never without a shooter.

Yet we'll keep an eye, my little Fraulein.

My night is bitter.

The doors have lost their glitter.

The wind blows further.

And suddenly you're older.

You looking for someone? No, no, not really.

Well, cheers.

Lubricate the old joints, eh?

Did you know you sound like a tractor manual?

Is that bad?

I'd love to write a novel.

I'm going to write a novel.

What about?

This woman who suddenly sees horizons and

finds them empty and wants to fill them with...

I collect blank pages.

But you... You do do a bit of practice.

Of writing, I mean.

Who's perceptive, then?

Well, I'm not blind.

What's going on?

All this writing.

I've spent my life with a man who thinks that Valentine's Day was a massacre in

Chicago. How can I write a novel?

I mean, a person... I mean... A person needs a... Needs a...

Before they can start writing anything.

Don't chase moonbeams, Marigold.

What else is there?

I don't know, really.

I read westerns.

You're nice.

Not so bad yourself.

Are you a good friend of Harry's?

No, I want a promise, Mr. Sampson.

You stay well away from those sheep tonight.

No, he'll be awake.

Yes, a promise.

You can't be too careful.

Oh, honestly, Harry.

No, no. I mean, if the mystery woman can do that to words.

I'd hate to find out what you won't be able to do too early. What exactly are

you frightened of?

Hurting somebody's feelings.

Harry, I've cracked it. What? I've found your whispery lady. Oh, God.

Come on outside.

You can't, you can't, you can't. Harry.

Yes, Margaret?

Let's be careful out there.

Come on.

That's her.

Over there, in the pink dress.

She's... she's... Yeah.

Normal.

Oh, OK, not normal.

Normal people don't write letters like that to complete strangers.

Do they?

Well, judge for yourself.

Stay there.

Do you want to see Harry?

You're

right,

I've been a fool.

Well, he's just embarrassed, that's all.

I didn't want to embarrass him.

Well, what did you want?

I wanted...

I discovered a whole new language writing those letters.

I couldn't talk like that.

But I discovered I could write.

Why, Harry?

Because... Because he's here.

And because this isn't a farm.

But you don't even know him.

Kate.

Hey.

Come on, no more letters, eh?

I just want to explain things to him. No, you leave it to me.

I don't believe this.

It's called cover. It's an insult, listen.

You're lucky to have a job, mate, especially after last night.

Now, Rocky, concentrate.

What do you say when you clock the target?

I have eyeball 01.

And who are you?

0201. And if there's a follow and I take over from you?

I always give speed and direction of target.

And if there's a change of direction?

Um, left, left, left.

Okay.

I want you to take really good care of this.

The earpiece cost 80 quid. Yes, yes, yes.

You turned him into a parrot.

Go! Go, go!

Yes, yes.

It's dark.

What can you see in the dark?

Your extra interest account.

What's come over you, Marigold?

You always taught me to take the obvious.

Here's another.

They're only sheep.

Mine.

What would you do if someone rustled me?

You keep on asking that. Why do you keep on asking that? Because an answer to

something important would be nice for a change.

It's a ridiculous question. Oh, Russell Yeoh.

And... Another thing.

You've been using that writing paper.

How do you know?

I've counted them.

Six pages.

Gone.

Where?

Shopping list.

But you never buy anything.

You never give me any money.

You're a real trial, Marigold.

Since we came down south.

Yes, yes, 01.

So far, 02.

I wasn't asleep, Margaret.

Um, is that a show -out, 01?

That's a loss of target.

I mean a stand -down, 01.

Let's give it another hour.

So far, 02.

Yes, yes, Margaret. Uh, 01.

Hello,

sheep.

And it's no use VDI investing in the state -of -the -art technology if you go

and clog it up with half of Warwickshire.

Oh, dear, oh, dear.

Yeah, just like my mother exaggerating.

A bit of wax I could understand.

And you keep out of this.

Why don't you take it to ICAS?

I could have been talking to an earthworm for most of the night.

I haven't got wax in my ears. Well, checks them for you, doesn't she, Rocky?

How did you know that?

I used to be young and foolish myself once.

Used to be.

Margaret.

Was it?

Aborted mission?

Yeah, had it again tonight.

And this time, Rocky, I'd like you to stay awake and stay in touch.

OK.

Where there's heat, there's life.

What do you think?

One day that egg is going to be this.

It's beautiful.

Let's keep it.

Tabitha, they fetch 80K in Saudi, and we're committed.

What's money?

You've made enough.

We can't mess about with these Arabs.

Don't go broody on me.

Cheer up.

It's only an egg.

It's not going to say, I'm Canadian, take me home.

It's meant for snow, not desert.

Couriers can't be choosers, love.

If that lady turns up early again, shall I put you in? You let her in with the

rest, Linda, please. Oh, come on, Harry, say stuff to her.

All in my own good time, Margaret.

I want to go to Leamington. Well, that's another way of saying it. No, it isn't.

Don't think I can't take you by the scruff.

But that would be easy and hurtful.

No, in my own good time.

Up to Leamington.

And I say yes. No. You're not going out today.

Yes, I am.

I'm warning you, Marigold.

For the last time.

Now he's leaving, too.

Good. Let's go park the egg.

Why didn't we keep it here?

Clean house, Tabby. We can't do moodies every time we drive anywhere.

That's why we left the smoke. That's why we don't relax. The day we don't spot a

tail is the day when we... I want to settle down.

What did I say? We are through with kids cranking up nose dust or anything,

okay?

So we get into endangered species instead, some promise.

Supplying the Arabs with killer birds is like going straight.

Is it?

I want to spend the rest of my life saying that's an oak tree and that's a

That's why I don't want evidence lying around.

Marigold thinks you're Robert Redford. Watch her. That old biddy can think what

she likes. Tonight's the last night.

Thomas, I don't know why we had to get mixed up with her in the first place.

Hasn't she been useful?

So we had to give a bit to take a bit. After tonight, she can go have her

nervous breakdown over someone else.

Promise.

You know, Winston, I've got an ambition.

Oh, come on, not babies again.

No.

The day I put a coin in a Salvation Army collecting box without wondering if

it's worth a snatch, that's the day I go straight. That's my ambition.

Tonight's the last time.

Getting the boot in, Tabby, that's the thing. Right place, right time.

Vague young lady said you'd been called to Leamington.

What's Leamington?

Well, my darling, I'll follow you to the ends of the earth.

But I know you'll be back and we'll be together again.

For always.

I've got eyeballs here, 01!

Tog it off, off, off!

What's

your

position, 02?

Bill, whether... Maybe it's not.

What does your nose say?

Something, but it's not for Bill. He's too tight on it. Do a movie, then we'll

know. Right.

We've got a reciprocal zero -one coming your way.

Are you coming my way, Zeropoo?

Rocky?

Rocky?

Gotcha!

I think we should check the hospital, just in case. There's no point going to

the police just yet. Maybe he's run away from his mum.

At night.

Or maybe he's in Dudley Library looking up long words.

I suppose it's just radio failure again.

Well, if it is radio failure, he could be halfway to Carlisle by now. Why

doesn't he ring in?

Ken, you don't think we could be into something more serious than just sheep

rustling, do you?

Like what?

Look, you were the one that told him, stick close to him, whatever happens,

don't lose him.

Well, let's face it, he could be anywhere. He could be Hong Kong, Buenos

That's probably him now.

Or something about a dumb sheep again.

Well, only.

Oh, my God. Oh,

my God. Oh,

my God.

Oh, my God.

What else can I do?

dump him with the sheep.

And when do we get rid of those? When Marigold says.

That was the agreement.

Oh, some agreement. We needed the cheese house. We needed her.

The lady who nicks her husband's sheep and wants them fed.

Things are different in the country. How many times?

Yeah. Now we've got a Jacob that wears goggles.

What are we going to do with him?

We can't give him hay or turn him loose. I know.

We better get rid of that egg now.

Winston!

I don't care if the Arabs are ready or not. We deliver today.

What

are

you doing with that? Prenatal shocks can affect babies. That applies to eggs?

Oh, I'll leave it there.

What are you going to do to him?

Find out who he's working for. Find out what he knows about cheese and 80 ,000

pound falcon eggs.

And scare him, Richard.

I'm afraid if you come for the tea dance, we're not really open yet. No,

expected. I told Mr Crawford I'd drop by with this as a

prize for the tango competition.

Oh, thank you very much.

What is it?

Cheese.

It's a kind of rock fort.

Oh.

It's lovely.

I'll put it on the prize table.

Mr Crawford's in his office over there.

Marigold.

Yes.

I write letters.

No, no.

I love you.

No, let me... It's kismet.

Pardon? It's fate.

I've never done this kind of thing before.

Well, then maybe it's time to take a pause.

No!

You haven't watched depressions coming in from the Atlantic as long as I have.

I never thought of excess rainfall in that way.

I'm sick of grey worlds, Harry.

Stone walls and sheep.

All you crossing the dance floor.

I knew there was some purpose in my life. Excuse me, Mr Crawford. There's a

looking for you.

Get out, Lambert.

So, it's you.

I don't think I've had the pleasure. Get up.

Why? I never shoot a sitting target.

Get up!

All right.

Help me, Marigold.

Somebody.

Mr. Samson.

Oh, you two know each other, thank God.

Why don't you put the gun down?

And furthermore, Mr. Samson, you can tell he's a harmless type.

How great.

Just by looking at him.

You never could tell the difference between a sheep and a ram.

And that man?

Samson. Knows Harry can't be carrying on with your wife.

Then what do you make of this?

My darling, I'll follow you to the ends of the earth.

You've got the wrong end of the stick, Mr. Samson. For always.

That letter, it's part of a novel.

Rubbish. It's true.

She only reads the damn thing. She can't write a novel, not marry gold.

Yes, she could.

She told me the plot.

She's my dancing partner.

What's all this about dancing, Marigold?

I'm getting very confused.

Now, let's start again from the beginning.

Now!

Thank you.

Well, then.

Now we've got all that sorted out... Speak for yourself!

Well, there's no need to be ungracious, Mr. Sanson.

There's a sole reason for living.

It's true.

A window shopping.

Read dancing.

True?

That kind of truth, that...

I'm sorry, Lambert.

Why, Mariko? Why? You've never lied before.

Novels, plot, sheet, horizon, rock. Ah, sit down.

Sit down, Harry.

No, you keep out of this.

I've seen enough of my past life flash before my eyes in the last half an hour,

Mr. Sampson. The death... No need for dramatics.

...would seem like a blessing. It's a terrible thing what a woman is loving

is giving.

What else?

Has to go to such lengths to get an answer.

that you could have given her ten times any day of the week. Are you two related

or something?

She loves you, Mr. Samson.

You do, Mary Gold.

And you just don't know how lucky you are to have such a lovely woman standing

by you all these years.

Do you love her, Samson?

Yes, I always have.

And you nearly lost her forever.

She could give you so much, mate.

She's sweet, she's kind, she's good, she's true.

And if that's not enough, she's an angel on the dance floor.

You nearly turned your back on all that.

Go and look at her.

Besides, she could never fancy a man like Harry, could she? Not in a million

years.

She's a lady of taste.

That is something else.

I was the one who stole your sheep.

To prove a point.

You care more for them than me.

Lambert, I have to tell you one more thing. It doesn't matter.

I stole a Banbury Blue.

It doesn't matter.

As a prize for the tango competition.

Nothing matters except you.

I found the sheep!

And I've got a cheese.

Well, I think it's a cheese.

There's been one hell of a run on Banbury Blue today.

I wonder why.

I think it's worth £80 ,000.

Decating like wine

Each one of you has come on by leaps and bounds.

And as sole arbiter and judge, whose decision is final, mine was no easy

But one couple was quite Torbell and Dean.

Ladies and gentlemen, a big hand, please, for the clear winners, Marigold,

Samson and partner. Thank you.

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, that's it.

Finish the cheese, please.

Finish the cheese, please.

So it's back to Hackney, then?

Well, we can't hang around in Warwickshire.

First, we deliver the egg.

That is so much heavier.

How much heavier?

It feels like twins, at least. A lot heavier.

Open it!

There we go, darling.

I think it'll hatch quite soon.

It'll be ours.

Our little surprise.

I had something to look forward to.

And right about.

Come on, let's get, Jess. Come on, then, with a glass of sweet. Come on.

What are you going to wear?

Don't be.

I see.

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