All language subtitles for Boon s03e02 Charity Begins At Home 2.eng

Thank you.

I don't believe you, Mr Crawford. Well,
I don't care whether you believe me or

not. As far as I'm concerned, the money
is to be paid to the homeless of

Birmingham. But where's the money now?

A question that Mr Harry Crawford, the
proprietor of the Plaza Suite, seemed

reluctant to answer.

What did bloody Alfred?

He'll tell you the money's still intact.

And bring me the checkbook. I'll sign a
check here and now.

I bet you won't show this bit on your
telly. No.

No.

Oh, my God.

What am I going to do, Ken?

Well, you had a nice tie on, Harry.

This isn't funny.

It's my livelihood that's going down the
pan up there, you know.

If I don't get hold of this J -Bloke
soon, I've had it.

Hey, television.

It's my table. Sorry.

You looking for something?

Look where this place they opened me at.

No, I was looking for Mr. Richard J.

I was given this as a forwarding
address.

Who?

Richard J.

I'll come back in a few hours, all
right? We're going to have every name

this one for you there.

Yes, we're going to have your Richards
and your Js. Your Lloyds, your Winstons,

your Rastaman, your Reggae Man, your
Rappers, Emperor Hills and Lassies. You

just name them, we're going to have them
all for you there, all right? Yes.

This is the address.

Someone's been having you on, brother.
This ain't no post office.

So you haven't been getting any of his
letters?

No. No one living here might be getting
them.

Nobody's the only one. I ain't charged.

You're the caretaker, then?

Concierge.

Sorry, can I use your phone?

Be my guest, brother.

Margaret Daly.

Margaret. Listen, I've drawn a bit of a
blank here.

None of them have heard of Jay.

Well, what have they been doing with all
the letters, then? Well, they haven't

received any.

So they say.

Bye. Joe, can I borrow one of those
tasteless envelopes of yours?

Oh, come on. We've been here for hours.

An hour and a half.

And if the GPO don't know what time
Postman Pat turns up, we just have to

Well, how long are we going to wait?

Here we go.

Just wait for him to pick him up after
that, then we go in.

It's always open, sir.

Okay, guys and dolls, the one I can
review.

Richard Jay.

I told him already I don't know anything
about Richard Jay.

Then what have you been doing with all
this mail?

I don't know anything about mail, ma
'am. Pink envelope, delivered here this

morning.

Okay, I can give you five pounds and you
can tell me what you've done with it,

or I can call the police.

Wow.

How much is it?

A fiver.

Make it twenty, all right? And be
talking exact location, babe.

Fifteen, and that's final.

Okay, you got a deal.

I used to keep his mail for him, then
once or twice a week he'd come up and

up, give me ten quid, that was cool.

Did you know where he lived? No.

Which days did he come?

Oh, could be any day.

Well, how did he get here?

Taxi, always a taxi, except for the last
time.

And what was special about the last
time? He came in this huge caravan

what do you call it, a Winnebago.

Man, it was wicked, bright, flashy,
brand spanking new and all.

What day was this?

A few days ago.

Not Friday by any chance? Yeah, yeah,
Friday.

The day he took the money.

Can you tell us anything else about him?

No, nothing else to tell. The man was an
enigma.

Oh, nice guy, smooth, but uncool -like,
you know.

Drive the damn mini -bagel like a go
-kart.

Oh,

come on.

Television programme?

Oh, well, none of it's true.

Well, there's no need to get nasty.

You'll get your money.

Oh, just you try it, mate.

I ain't going to be the only one needing
the surgical support.

Mr Crawford? Yes, Linda, what is it?

We've just had two more cancellations.
The Cosmetics Company's exhibition and

the Birmingham Jacobean Society's dinner
dance.

Well, thank goodness we've still got the
soft drinks conference.

The Brooklyn has told you. They
cancelled yesterday.

Oh.

Harry, if it's bad news, I don't know.

We've got a lead on that Jay geezer.
I'll put a lead on the bugger if I get a

hold of him. What is it? He's got a
brand new Winnie Bago.

Are you trying to be funny?

It's a mobile home. The sort of things
Americans tour around the States in.

Well, let's find it then.

Harry, life is not that simple. There
aren't a lot of these things, but it

be anywhere.

Could be abroad by now.

I think I'm going to be dick.

The good news is that there aren't many
dealers who sell them. So if we can find

the one who sold it, then we might be
able to trace Jay's address.

What are you doing still there? Hey,
we're doing you a favour. Just remember

that. It's after five o 'clock.

We'll ring round tomorrow.

Oh, all right. I'm sorry.

Just be thankful he didn't buy him in.

So you reckon there's only a few
dealers?

Well, I would have thought so.

And he's most likely to have bought it
locally, so that should narrow it down a

bit. Margaret, once you've got this list
of places together, fancy coming out

with me tonight for a bite to eat?

Oh, Ken, I can't tonight. I'm meeting
someone.

Sorry.

This is very civil of you.

No problem.

How many are there?

No, not locally.

I hope there is one locally, otherwise
Harry's buggered.

How many riders we got tomorrow?

Just me and you, if Noel mines the
office.

No, I'm going to need him for that drop
in Billersley.

In on to Tile Green.

What have you done with the phone? Get
it off, will you?

Goodness sake.

Just tomorrow?

Yeah, I'd love to.

Better ask my mum first, though.

No, I can't at the moment. She's not
here.

Hold on.

She left me a number where she could be
reached. Why don't you give her a ring

and ask her?

Well, I'm impressed.

That looks wonderful.

Do you bring all your security
consultants here?

Are you kidding?

This I reserve for very special people
only.

Including your wife.

My wife is a lush.

She's an alcoholic.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Don't be.

She isn't.

I didn't know about it for a long time
when I found out.

It was too late.

You mustn't blame yourself.

Would you mind?

I'd rather talk about something else.

No, of course not. I understand.

Let's talk about you. That would be far
more interesting.

Oh, I don't think so.

I want to know all about you.

What you like, who you like.

Easy enough.

About Ken.

Ken? Your rocker friend.

Oh, he's just a friend.

It's you.

Yes?

Oh, it's for you.

Me?

Just a friend.

Hello?

Hello, Ken.

Yes, it's Margaret.

What do you want?

Well, couldn't this have waited?

Yes. Yes, she can. Of course she can.

Right, here's all the phone numbers and
the address. Now, find out, most

important, if they've sold any campers
in the last few days.

Yeah, I've got that.

And if anything sounds like it, this is
important.

Harry! How's it going?

All right, I'm working on it now.

May not be necessary.

Why? I've had a thought. I'm off to see
that TV reporter.

I've found something that'll sort it all
out.

I knew it'd turn out right in the end.

Shall I bother, then?

Yeah, you carry on, love.

Barry says it's going to be all right.
It's bound to get worse.

Hello? Yeah, I just wanted to know if
you'd sold any mobile homes in the past

week or so.

Oh. Yeah, that's it.

Go back to the look of heaven, freeze it
there.

Do you want some tea?

Mr. Martin, someone to see you.

Mr. Crawford. Yes, Mr. Martin.

First of all, I'd like to say no hard
feelings about the show. I mean, I

you were just doing your job.

And it's not my fault you can't see past
the end of your nose. Yeah, thank you.

I'm very busy. Yes, but there's just
something I want to show you. It's about

Jay. Take a second. OK, what is it?
Well, you know, I told you I didn't have

pictures of him. Well, I was wrong. I
forgot the ones taken at the gala. Look.

Very nice.

Who is it?

It's Jay there.

Mr Crawford, that's a very large, fluffy
toy. No, no, not that behind.

I mean, look, you can see his shoulder
and part of his face there.

Oh, that's instantly recognisable. I'd
recognise him anywhere in a crowd.

Well, show him on television. Somebody's
bound to recognise him. I don't think

you understand.

These pictures prove nothing.

Worse, they look like a fudged attempt
to clear yourself.

But that's Jay.

Mr Crawford, the programme has already
gone out, and I'm in the middle of

another one.

No, look, understand.

Thank you, sir. Get Bob a tea, will you?
Each programme investigates a different

topic. It's a documentary, not a serial.

You mean you're not going to show him? I
can't show them. Why not? I can't show

them unless the subject develops in some
way. Look, what do you mean by

developed? If another charity was
swindled or some homebuyers tricked out

their mortgages, something like that.
Otherwise, your story is over. One

instalment, finished.

That's showbiz.

OK, Greg.

Quiet, everyone, please.

Thank you.

Just the one?

No, that's all I wanted to know. Thank
you very much. Bye.

Ken?

Hello, Ken.

Ken, listen to this. Canal Caravans,
Canal Road, Sutton Coalfield. I think

that's the one.

Can I help you?

Yeah, I'm working for a magazine, Mobile
Homes, Consumer, monthly, you know.

We're doing a survey on how many get
sold, you know, on average.

That's nice for you. Yeah, well, it's a
living.

Would you mind telling me how many you
sold this week?

That's funny, you're the second person
who's asked me that today.

Really? Hmm, answer's easy.

One. One? That's right, a Winnebago.

Winnebago?

Um, would you mind...

Tell me who you sold it to, just so we
can send her a magazine, you know.

Yeah, I don't see why not.

Let's have a look.

This is it.

Page Winnebago, registration 819PE.

Sold to a Mr Dick Jowers.

Jowers. The Afro -Caribbean Centre, 53
Fountain Road, Handsworth.

Yeah, I remember him really well. He was
buying it so he could take deprived

kids on holiday.

Ah, he was a lovely man.

Really generous.

Yeah, very generous.

All right, love. Yep, thanks a lot.

Look forward to seeing you in Amsterdam
on the 12th. Leave it to you to make the

final arrangements, yours, et cetera, et
cetera. Thank you, Sheila.

You may end the hearing.

Dick Jowett? Yeah, apparently.

No wonder he used an alias. There's no
Jowetts in the phone book.

The Afro -Caribbean Club.

Rocky.

You've got to think, Harry. There must
be something else about this man.

Nothing. Think.

Did he ever mention his family?

No. Wife?

Children? No.

What about the sort of places he used to
frequent? Did you ever go anywhere with

him to discuss things?

Like the gala?

Did the two of you ever meet up
anywhere?

Yeah.

Here. Anywhere else?

No. I told you.

He was an enigma.

Enigma? I... Harry, your business is on
the slide.

You short £30 ,000.

Whatever name you had is now mud.

If you want to turn that round, you
better dredge something up.

Did he ever tell you where he went?

No. Think, Harry.

He never went anywhere.

He was always at the casino.

Harry.

What casino?

Blimey, I don't know.

I mean, Birmingham's hardly Las Vegas,
is it? There's only four of them.

a telephone call for you, Miss Daly.

Oh, tell him to call me back. He says
it's urgent.

And Mr. Hillary, he was insistent.

I'll be back in a sec.

Hello? Margaret, it's Jonathan.

I need your help.

Urgently. Mr. Colford, you'd better come
quick. There's something terrible

happening outside.

Why didn't they know it was me? Just
come, Mr. Colford.

What the hell's going on here? That's
what's going on,

Jimmy, that!

We're staying here till you get what
you... Oh, yes, all right, that's

Come on, off you go.

Harry, Harry.

What the hell are you doing here?

I thought this was old news. With this
lot encamped here, it's new news. Now

then, Mr Crawford.

Hold on a minute, Gilhart.

Oh, this is ludicrous.

They don't seem to want to leave, Mr
Crawford. We'll go and get some help.

There isn't any, I'm afraid.

Well, nobody's spared, anyway. But the
trespassing, they're causing a public

nuisance. They're smelly.

Yeah. They can't just stay here, can
they?

Hang on a minute.

You was the bloke that was on telly,
weren't you?

What do you mean?

I'll tell you what.

The best thing is if you start eviction
proceedings.

How long's that going to take?

About three weeks.

Three weeks?

You always think I'm daft.

Hey, come on, on your bike. You're
getting out freebies. Come on.

It's all right.

There's cameras everywhere.

Oh, no, Ken, but what am I supposed to
do? This is a function suite, not a soap

kitchen. All we've got to do is find Jay
and he'll get you dough.

How much do they want?

£50 ,000.

What exactly is in the photographs?

My wife.

I see.

I didn't exaggerate her problem last
night.

I suppose the only excuse I've got is
that half the time she's so inebriated

doesn't know what she's doing.

The photographs show her with another
man.

Other men.

Not playing trivial pursuits?

No.

Not playing trivial pursuits.

I think you should go to the police.

I can't.

If word of this got out, I can't tell
you what it would do, especially to her

father and the business.

He's invested a lot of money in me.

And her.

Yes, but if you pay them, there's no way
of ensuring... I'm prepared to take

that risk.

£50 ,000 is a lot of money. I'm asking
you to help, so we do not have to

the police.

No, you can't go through that. Do you
mean?

Yes.

And? And what?

And Howard's hilarity. Anyone nipped his
lively ticket?

I wish they had.

Hello, darling. What is it then?

Someone's trying to blackmail him.

Joking. I wish I was.

Can I need your help?

Me?

Someone's going to call him in the next
few days. And when he goes to deliver

the money, I'm going to want whoever
picks it up followed.

Sounds very dodgy.

It is.

But on a bike, virtually everywhere is
accessible.

Why don't he go to the police?

He won't.

He's afraid.

Well, I don't know.

Please, Ken.

Well, it's hardly my line, is it?

Oh, it pays big.

All right, tell Hillary... Darn name.

If he wants his blackmailers trapping,
our hourly rate doubles.

Oh, I'm sure he'll live with that.

Quite all right, too.

Bye, Mum. I'm off.

Bye.

Don't worry about the washing up, will
you?

He makes great ovaltine.

Oh, does he?

What about Harrington?

What's happening with his vagrant?

He's still got on, he won't budge.

But he's well pleased as that.

Listen, in the morning, I'm going to
check out all the casinos.

So it is your line. You're getting to be
quite a sleuth, aren't you? Got no

choice, have I?

killed Thursday.

I don't know.

Perhaps you don't, but you might make an
excellent guess.

My guess might be excellent, but it
might be crummy.

Mrs. Spade didn't raise any children
dippy enough to make guesses in front of

district attorney.

An assistant is... I'm sorry, the club's
closed.

Are you Sam?

Sam Spade? Who wants to know?

I was looking for someone.

Someone or something?

Someone.

It's not a bird, is it?

A blackbird.

No. No, not a bird. It's a geezer,
actually. Richard Jay.

Richard Jay?

What did you say?

Do you know him?

Yeah, I know him. He owes this club
money.

Do you know where I can find him? If I
knew that, he wouldn't owe me money.

When did you last see him?

A couple of weeks ago.

He came in boasting I was going to break
the bank.

I'd heard it all before. Two hours
later, I cast him a check. He bounced.

That's him.

He was friendly with one of the hat
-check girls.

But that was one match that was not made
in heaven.

Is she working here tonight?

No, she was casual. Too casual. She's
gone.

What was her name?

Jackie. Jackie Smith.

Smith? Yeah.

Do you know where she lives?

Edgbaston somewhere.

Well, don't you have it on the records?

Cash in hand.

I just remember booking her a cab to
Edgbaston.

Jay Smith.

Edgbaston. Somewhere.

Sorry.

OK, mate.

If you have any more thoughts on it, can
you give us a ring?

OK, Margaret.

No, I'm Ken.

No, no, I work with Margaret daily.

That's okay.

Everyone has something to hide.

That'll put you in solid with your boss.

You slapped me.

When you're slapped, you'll take it and
like it.

Yes, I know. Well, we've all got better
things to do today.

Yes, well, I'm sorry to have troubled
you.

How many more pages of Smith's are
there?

Two. This'll be at this forever.

Couldn't see if I had a common name.

We should be doing this from Margaret's
office, you know. Somebody might be

trying to get through. Book the plaza
suite.

She hasn't got an office. She works from
home. Anyone trying to get hold of you

is after your money.

Hmm. Somebody rang up this afternoon,
wanted to book the place. Oh, sorry to

bother you.

Who's that?

Wrestling promoter. Well, better than
nothing.

Oh, I don't want wrestling, Ken.

Why not?

Well, it's not the sort of function I
want associated with the plaza suite. I

didn't know you could pick and choose.

I'm just making some tea for the tramps
in the foyer. Would you like a cup?

What?

What do we do?

Well, for the time being, we just go
along with them. What about the £50

Jonathan, I have every intention of
getting both the money and the

back. Are you sure they have the
photographs?

Positive. They've sent three through the
post.

Can I see them?

Impossible. I'm afraid I burnt them.

You did what?

I couldn't bear to hang on to them.

You should still have kept them.

It's one thing to know about Lucinda's
indiscretions. It's quite another to

them graphically abrupt in your fate.

Well, don't worry. I'm sure they've got
plenty more.

Yeah, I want to speak to Jackie, please.
Jackie Smith.

No, I don't want any French lessons,
thanks.

No. No, Jackie. All right.

Sorry to bother you.

I've been trying to ring you all
morning. Is the phone out of order or

something? I wish it were.

Those tramps are starting to stink out
there, mate.

Oh, I can't handle that. My ear hurts.

I like that. I mean, the plaza suite.

Yeah?

Yeah?

Well, I don't know. I'll have to find
out. What's he doing on my phone?

It's some man about a wrestling match.

He says he can promise you Barney the
Beast from Blackpool and Senso Man, the

only hermaphrodite wrestler in Europe.

Tell him I'll ring him back.

Hello? Yeah. He says he'll ring you
back.

Yeah, bye.

That's a bit weird to me.

What are you doing here?

Oh, message from Margaret. Well, two
messages.

She was going to find yourself, but she
couldn't get through. You're engaged.

Is that it?

What? The message.

No.

She said she'd like to see you and me as
soon as possible. She says you'll know

what it's about. It's about Hillary or
something.

And some bloke called, Sam phoned, and
said that Jackie Smith isn't Jackie

because that was a married name.

Thank God for that.

What was her maiden name?

Jones.

Oi, but she lives at 122 Carlton
Terrace, if you're interested. One of

girls remembered her address.

Go back to the office, tell Margaret
I'll be back as soon as I can.

Right.

Bye.

He's not in. He's gone on holiday.

Where is he?

Across.

Well, you know when she's coming coming
back

He's

here, okay tonight Jackie Jones.

Right, I'll go through it again for Ken
this time.

Yeah, well, it would help.

Rocky's going to be the courier carrying
the money.

You sure?

He'll have his walkie -talkie open so we
can hear exactly when he makes the

drop. I'll pass the instructions on to
you, and then you follow whoever picks

the money up.

So when I give them the money, they'll
give me the photos?

No, Rocky.

They'll give you the instructions, where
to find them, and then you bring them

straight back here.

But what if they try and pull a fast
one?

I hope to God they won't, but Ken will
be keeping tabs.

Who are those photos of anyway?

Mrs. Hillary.

Mrs. Hillary?

Yes, Mrs. Hillary.

This is them.

Ready, Mum?

Hello?

Yes, I'm listening.

Yes, I've got that.

What... Phone box at the Edderspring
place.

We're on.

Right, that's it. Come on, I've had
enough.

Try not to begin the day on the plaza
street. Come on now, get out. It's a

place to have here, it's getting warm.

It's a diamond in weather like this, you
know. Thanks. I'm saying to the lads,

thanks for putting us up for the night.

And the tea was a lovely thought, Jimmy.
God bless you.

The temperature's picking up, so we'll
be off. You're going?

Aye. You know how it is.

I just goes to prove you cannot believe
a word they say in the papers, you know

what I mean?

Bye.

Bye.

Do you not think that's a wee bit gaudy,
the decoration?

Take a tap from one who knows.

Gaudy?

Hello?

Yes, yes, indeed.

What?

You want me to go to the phone box on
the junction of York Road and Spencer

Drive? What do I do when I get there?

All right, all right, I'm going.

I've got how long?

A little... Oh, Barry Shane, not me.

York Road and Spencer Drive. York Road
and Spencer Drive 10 and

keep well back as they're bound to be
watching.

What are they doing?

They're running around.

Yes? Quarry Hill?

Yes, yes, I know it.

Hi.

Yeah, it's Ken. It's Quarry Hill.

Quarry Hill? That's miles away.

Yeah?

Yeah?

Cannon Hill Park? Yeah, of course I know
it.

Waste paper basket.

Near a bench, by the bridge.

Yeah, OK.

OK, I'll be there as soon as I can.

Ken, listen to the switch. The negatives
are going to be in a waste paper bin,

which is where he has to leave the cash.
No, he'll never make it. He's miles

away. Get a move on, Ken.

We should have had another rider as
backup.

Wait a minute.

We're going to lose him.

Oh, we've got Zoli doing it around the
corner from the park. He's already

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm with you, yeah.

Yeah, I know what them to come mean.

No. I've left the money.

The photos are at the left luggage at
New Street Station.

I've got the ticket with me and I'm on
my way there now.

Two women with prams. One of them must
have the money.

They're ready for the Gypsy Lane exit.

Can you box up your range?

Can. Can.

Gypsy Lane.

Gypsy Lane entrance to the park. Two
women with prams.

Can, can you hear me?

We've lost them. I don't believe this.
They've got away with it.

What's happening?

We lost them.

You're joking.

Where's Ken?

Not a clue. We haven't heard from him
since Quarry Hill.

Margaret? Margaret?

Are you receiving me? Ken?

The eagle has landed.

You what?

Ken, where are you?

Yeah, it's Sully Hall, and you'd better
get over here quick.

I'm not sure what to do next.

Christmas comes but once a year for
everybody's mum but mine.

Any chance of a fry -up, Miffy's?

Are you

sure

we're doing the right thing?

No, but I don't see what else we can do.

Might be a gang.

No, I doubt it.

It's not too late to go to the police,
you know.

Ken, if the client had wanted it, we'd
have gone to the police in the first

place. Our job was to get the money
back, recover the pictures and warn

people off, which is exactly what we're
going to do.

Yeah, easy, really.

What's going on?

You tell me.

Do you know this woman?

Of course he does.

I'm his wife.

Drink? No, thanks.

You'll have one, won't you, darling? Can
you show us this? Yes.

I have the money.

Look, I don't wish to appear ignorant,
but would one of you mind explaining to

me what's going on?

Surely. I've just blackmailed my husband
out of £50 ,000.

I was hoping I wouldn't be traced, but
it doesn't really matter that much.

Cat got your tongue?

You absolute shit.

That's quite a compliment coming from an
expert like you. This is your wife?

Much as it pains me to say, yes.

A thick alcoholic.

Oh, that's a new one.

Still, it's an advance on wheelchair
-bound and horribly burned.

Those photographs are faked. Jonathan,
grow up.

I hadn't taken myself by an expert.

Hold up. What are you two talking about?

I've been married to my husband for 11
years.

11 years and two months, darling.

Two months being about the time he
managed to be faithful to me. When I

my husband, we signed an alimony
agreement.

that hands me £20 ,000 in the event of a
divorce.

What do you mean you had the photographs
taken?

All in good time.

My husband is now the managing director
of an immensely profitable company.

No thanks to you.

No, thanks to my father's money and
connections. And as far as I'm

£20 ,000 is poor compensation for a non
-stop catalogue of philandering and

neglect.

Contrary to what he says, during that
period, I have ensured that his home

was considered the epitome of stability
and good taste, kept open house for a

succession of important clients and
contacts, turned a blind eye to any

of dumb bimbos he's been bedding, and
overall made a pretty good fist of it.

But enough is enough.

You set me up. You set yourself up.

So the photographs are of him, not of
you.

Is that what he said?

Jonathan.

Let me tell you, dear.

During the course of a normal day,
Jonathan, on average, speaks 99 % crap.

Lucinda, I want the money back. Call the
police. You can't blackmail her. Come

on, I think that's what they'd call a
domestic.

It's a criminal offence. Oh, do piss
off, Jonathan!

Ken, I've discovered something really
important.

What? These photos.

It's him. I know.

And he's a contortionist.

He's what?

Well, come look at this.

See?

He's got five legs in that one.

Blimey, how does he do that?

Dunno. Hey, you shouldn't be looking at
that. Put them away.

Yeah, well, they just fell out. Fell
out, yeah.

I'm off to see Harry.

Well, don't you want to know about
Jackie Jones, then? What about her?

Well, she phoned. Something's about to
note.

I said you'd see her tomorrow.

I want to see her today.

Yeah, well, she's going out.

Ken, would you say charity begins at
home?

Depends. Well, would you say that I was
a bit mean?

Mean? Tight -fisted.

Oh, I've got a business to run and I've
got to make a living, but I haven't felt

right since they left.

The tramps.

I can't stop thinking about that charity
caller.

That bloody man, Jay.

Oh, Ken, I hate that man so much that
I'd give anything, anything to get my

fingers round his throat.

Well, he let me on.

It takes two, Harry.

I know, I know, I know.

Ken, can I ask you another question?

Yeah, what?

Would you say the day call was a trifle
gaudy?

Hello? Your mum at home?

Who wants to know?

Mr Boone?

You know what?

Come, come in, come, come in, come, come
in!

Oh, come on.

Texas Rangers, Ken Boone. Oh, hello.

Oh, I'm going to clear that muck up off
the top of the gossip. Come in.

Come in.

Do you want a cup of tea?

No, thanks, ma 'am. Oh, I'm sorry about
the mess.

It's all right.

Work nights.

Not down Gutman's anymore.

No. Gave me the boot.

Not my fault, either.

Well, what's all this about, then,
anyway?

The bloke I rang didn't say much, except
you'd make it worth me while.

Yeah. I'm looking for a geezer, Richard
J.

Who? Richard J.

Never heard of him.

Dick Jarrett.

You're from Gutman's, aren't you?

I don't believe he's still flapping over
that bloody hundred quid. God, he's so

tight. No, it's to do with a charity I'm
trying to work with. I want to get hold

of him. Oh, right.

Is that where he is?

Well, if you'd have been round
yesterday, you'd have seen him.

He just took us to France for a couple
of days.

Nice. Yeah, he is.

I know he's probably a bit of a wide
boy, but I can't help but like him.

You know, he's always been very good to
me. And Emily.

Very.

You've known him long?

Oh, only a few months.

Takes me out.

Spoils me.

That's why I like him. He's very
generous.

Where did you meet him? Down at the
casino?

No. Oh, at a fair.

A fair?

Yeah, that's right.

I wonder what to tell you, Mum. All
right, love.

His mum runs a duck stall.

She does what?

You know, fishing for ducks.

I took Emily. He was ever so nice to
her.

What fair?

Er, Mitchell's.

Yes, that's right, Margaret Daly.

You promised to let me know if you had
any obvious things.

Joe,

I'm on the phone!

Sorry.

Oh, really? Is that the cheapest you've
got?

I'll get it!

I just need something small and clean.

Right, OK, well, I'll call again next
week. Bye.

I wanted to see you.

Hello, Margaret.

What can I do for you, Jonathan?

I came to apologise.

Fine. So there are no hard feelings?

Oh, there are no hard feelings.

I'm glad.

Have you got the negatives?

Negatives.

By the way, my wife and I have finally
separated.

I think you have a cheque for me.

Yes.

Just leave it on the table.

Well, what can I say?

Goodbye.

Great. Hey, I've got a great lead.

I found Jay's mum.

What? Yeah, she's got a stall in a fair,
Mitchell's. You really are getting good

at this, aren't you? Yeah.

Only trouble is, how do you find a
travelling fair?

Oh, easy peasy.

First you find a winter quarter, get an
itinerary, and then ring round the

amenities division for the local
councils and the districts in which

supposed to appear.

Oh, easy peasy.

I don't mind taking a cut in salary for
a while, Mr Crawford. At this rate,

Glynis, you won't have any salary.

Are we going to do that wrestling about,
Mr Crawford? For a while, Linda, yeah.

And I'm also going to try and rent out
the offices, so we're going to be a bit

cramped.

Oh.

So much for the dream.

Dream?

Keep your fingers crossed, mate. We
think he's working in a funfair.

Mitchell's. Well, I don't want to seem
impatient or anything, but hadn't we

better go and find out? It's in hand.

Yeah, we're going over to Kidderminster.

Oh, God, please. Just once.

What have you been doing?

Oh, just kind of looking convictious,
Ben.

There's the other ace detective.

We've found that stool yet. Yeah, it's
just over there by the whirly. Right.

hang on here. Not until you stay here.
Or we'll end up on a murder charge.

Why don't you stay here?

Look here.

Here, lucky duck.

Fifty cents a go. Prize every duck.
Here.

Here. Hello, love. You want a piece, do
you? No, I don't want to go.

I'm looking for Dick.

Dick? Yeah, your son.

What?

I'm Ken.

Ken? Ken?

Oh, here, love. Come on. Prize every
time. Fifty pence a go.

Honey, I spent some time with him a
couple of weeks back.

When he had his lucky run? Yeah, that's
right.

Yeah, it was a big set of winnings.

Enormous.

He's had the occasional, but, well, a
few thousand.

Did you see a camper?

Winnie Bago? That's right, yeah.

What a name, isn't it? Oh, it's
beautiful, though. All that chrome,

telly.

Here, that's him. I have to tell you
this. I remember once he was six or

maybe. He comes home with a great big
box of chocolate.

God knows where he got the cash to get
them. Well, listen, I'll try and catch

with him later on. Yeah.

Don't tell him I'll come round for him,
will you? He'd like surprises. Oh, yeah.

Oh, he does.

He gets that from me. Hang on, I'll be
back in a minute. I've got another one.

Oh, what you got there?

Yeah, I just had a word.

Oh. Yeah, Mum, have you got the keys to
the Winnie?

Oh, good. Yeah, thanks, love.

I'll be eating out.

Oh, all right.

Sure are then, love.

Go back to the car. They've got a path
there.

I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill
you.

I'm sorry,

Harry. Sorry?

Is that all you can say?

I'm going to make you wish you'd never
heard the name of Harry Crawford. Harry.

How much have you got left?

Well, 15 grand. Where's the rest?

Gone. Gone on what?

Well, horses, roulette, poker.

Your mum said you were always winning.

Well, that's what I tell her.

You can't pull my money away.

My life away, Harry.

I'm sorry, Harry. It's just with so much
cash, I thought I couldn't lose.

Right.

I'm having your duck business.

Well, you can, but only rent the stall.

All right.

I'll have this mobile home caravan
thing.

Yeah, you can, but the payments are a
bit steep, so you only put a deposit

Well, what have you got that's worth
anything?

Nothing. Harry, I promised you I thought
I was going to win. I thought I was

going to make a million pounds. Do you
know what, Harry? If I had, I'd have

given you half.

Would you really?

I would, Harry. We were partners.

I'd have gone to the ends of the earth
for you.

We're unstoppable. We could still go
places.

Would you think so?

I think so. I know so.

Your business brains, my ideas. I admire
you, Harry. No, more than admire.

I respect you.

Yes. Harry Crawford. A man who demands
mega respect.

Do you really mean that?

I do, Harry. I do.

Well, Richard, I must say, I'm deeply
touched. Oh, Dick. Call me Dick.

Dick. Dick. Oh, I'm deeply touched.

That's just one thing.

What? I don't believe a bloody word of
it, you lying, cheating little... My

Winnie Baker!

Oh, will I ever fill this place again?

Of course you will, Harry.

You've got Martin to clear your name on
the TV.

I'll be a well -respected bankrupt.

You'll get some bookings.

Oh, I hope so.

Enough to pay off that charity.

And now these three remain. Faith, hope
and charity. And the greatest of those

is charity.

No. Currency into one.

Harry Crawford nil, I suppose.

What did you say last night?

Yes, all right, all right. Yes, of
course I shall pay back the charity.

But it's going to take me a bit of time
to get together what I need to pay you

back. Do you still want to rent out
office space?

Got to. Well, why don't you let Margaret
have one?

Couple of months. Rent free.

Hundred quid a week. Harry. What?

All right, 87 .50, cash.

Harry Crawford.

No VAT.

No VAT, that's how Jay got nicked.

Do you want the customs and exiles
living round here as well? No, no, no,

no, he's welcome to them. They deserve
each other.

No, no, I mean, it's peanuts, isn't it?
Especially as you've got Happy Jack

working for you.

Working for who?

Oh, all right, working with her.

I don't know what you're talking about.
The Acme Detective Agency.

Hey, come on, you've had enough of that.

I thought that was the idea.

Well, it's news to me.

Look at me. I don't know what he's
talking about.

Mr Crawford, phone.

It's booking.

Oh.

There's a man who knows business. Take a
tip from me.

Have you two been talking?

No. Well, where did he get that idea
from, then? I don't know.

Well, I suppose since we tracked down
that Jay geezer.

He reads too much Raymond Chandler.

I can't afford the office space I'm
being offered on my own. I need

cheaper. Leave it to me. I'll work on
him.

Or I need a partner.

Margaret, I ride a motorbike.

I've got a dispatch business.

I'm not going to be Mickey Spillane. All
I'm saying is that perhaps we could

earn some money together.

I mean, you're not as dumb as you look.

No, I suppose if you put it like that.
And maybe what Harry said was right. It

wasn't just fortuitous.

I mean, you were good.

Yeah, I was good, wasn't I?

I've re -booked for next Wednesday and
I've also got a couple of fake weddings

on the go. Good.

Well, what's the verdict?

Ask your friend.

Ken Boone?

Private Dick?

Well, we've always known that.

He's my friend. He's my friend.

He's my buddy till the end.

Truth again.

He's my buddy

till the end.

Money!

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